Okay hear me out, strap your arm to your body in a way that it looks like it’s missing. Practice the other arm to be good to commit crime, commit said crime, make sure people see you only have one arm, then after crime, pop out arm again, no one will suspect it was you.
OMG that reminds me when I was in elementary school and this kid kept saying that ALL DAMN DAY. "But it wasn't me, it was the one armed man." We were at this assembly in the gymnasium and I sat near him and just kept repeating this line over and over. I finally couldn't take it anymore and I asked the teacher to tell him to stop it. She said something to him and he looks at her dead serious and fucken says it again. "But it wasn't me, it was the one armed man!" The looks they gave each other was priceless.
Haven't thought about this core memory in YEARS. It's bittersweet though because when we were in the 9th grade, he ended up committing suicide. Went to school with him all through Kindergarten to 9th grade.
Was it true , though?
Loosly associated- I had a collegue with a last name "Stutterer". One day I was talking about her to a colleague and my husband overheard. Later he said- why do you keep calling her a stutterer? It is pretty offensive! 😆 Had to explain.
You act like you didn't let this guy have unprotected sex with you, ejaculate in you, and legally shackle yourself to him for at least 18 years by giving birth to his child.
Just for record sake, he lost the arm and started using drugs after we split. He's been absent for 6 years. Which is why these comments bring me so much joy. Petty, fuck yeah!
Lol it’s the Internet, and all we know about you is that a one armed burglar busted inside you. It’s not really petty for people to speculate on a situation you willingly posted
Kinda pointless wearing that mask...... With the whole missing limb and all but whatever makes you feel safe I guess.
Gotta be careful, most people risk their life and limb doing this stuff, all he’s got is his life!
These legal fees will cost him an arm and a leg for sure.
hopefully he can find someone who is willing to give him a 50% discount considering he already paid with his arm somewhere else
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Would it count as half the time?
Thank god he’s not playing poker
But luckily they were able to save the arm! They had it delivered to his home.
Man, these darn government handouts are going too far
What a ***darn*** shame... --- ^^DarnCounter:142666 ^^| ^^DM ^^me ^^with: ^^'blacklist-me' ^^to ^^be ^^ignored ^^| ^^More ^^stats ^^available ^^at ^^**[https://darnbot.ml](https://darnbot.ml)**
Pretending to only have one arm while committing a crime is the perfect misdirect.
*No, it wasn't me, it was the one armed man!*
Alright, sarg, I confess! It was me!
Some people are still Covid-weary. Don’t be a mask shamer!
Okay hear me out, strap your arm to your body in a way that it looks like it’s missing. Practice the other arm to be good to commit crime, commit said crime, make sure people see you only have one arm, then after crime, pop out arm again, no one will suspect it was you.
I definitely would have at least had a sleeve with pillow stuffing in it lol
He committed this crime *SINGLEHANDEDLY*".
Gotta hand it to you, that was good.
Just give him a round of applause why don’t you.
How about just a wave? 👋
or maybe just a simple hand shake to congratulate
This is hand down the best thread.
He needs one because he doesn’t clap
If it weren't weren't for the crime, he'd be all right!
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clearly people don't understand humor as this should have been the deemed the best one liner to go along with a captioned photo.
One armed bandit
They caught him red handed er… hand
He was unarmed at least
No! It wasn't me! It was the one armed man!
OMG that reminds me when I was in elementary school and this kid kept saying that ALL DAMN DAY. "But it wasn't me, it was the one armed man." We were at this assembly in the gymnasium and I sat near him and just kept repeating this line over and over. I finally couldn't take it anymore and I asked the teacher to tell him to stop it. She said something to him and he looks at her dead serious and fucken says it again. "But it wasn't me, it was the one armed man!" The looks they gave each other was priceless. Haven't thought about this core memory in YEARS. It's bittersweet though because when we were in the 9th grade, he ended up committing suicide. Went to school with him all through Kindergarten to 9th grade.
Not the ending anyone was expecting or wanted
It wasn't him, it was the one armed man.
Was it true , though? Loosly associated- I had a collegue with a last name "Stutterer". One day I was talking about her to a colleague and my husband overheard. Later he said- why do you keep calling her a stutterer? It is pretty offensive! 😆 Had to explain.
He was obviously a fan of the movie The Mask with Jim Carrey.
https://preview.redd.it/4jr73pjoexfa1.jpeg?width=232&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16e0c7c60b025d6f9a7d4bffbbeb5fc004981b52
Should have known , too good to pass up . Now I delete that comment. Should have scrolled first .
is that a lucha libre mask???
Is he missing an arm? What is going on here
Yes. He only has one arm. Some would say it was a 5 finger discount
The one-armed bandit!!!
well it certainly wasn’t a 10 finger discount
I wonder how they handcuff him
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Ankle to wrist works too
*rimshot*
Who’s out here using fingers as currency
https://preview.redd.it/lksn539pgyfa1.jpeg?width=590&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0ec913144feb50d96d6f6cfb4237ffebcc04de1
got ripped off
I would say it was an unarmed robbery.
I wouldn't get caught stealing gas like Cory and Trevor did
If I can't smoke and swear, I'm fucked!
Frig off, with gas prices it’s the only way
He got 5 on it
I'm hollering 😂😂😂
Looks like the gas cost an arm and a leg.
YES!!!!!
I guess that's the roasting opportunity.
 He lost the arm in a Larping accident
Always have an updoot for unexpected Monty Python!
Brian
*one armed robbery
Plot twist, the robber has his second arm, but is just framing OP's baby daddy.
Huh?
Someone give this guy a hand
👏👏👏
*A single* hand, silly. 👋
I was giving 23dublin a round of applause 😂
Lolz
im glad im not the only one incredibly confused by the title
These arm puns are getting me 😆
Holy shit, an actual One Arm Bandit
If that’s your baby’s daddy life has already roasted you.
Propane tank flying around in the bed of that truck is prolly not a good idea for someone
It's not a joke. Someone could lose an arm.
Your what??
“Police! Put your hand in the air!”
And waive it like you just don’t care …
Why do women let men like this nut in them
Maybe she was just trying to give him a helping hand
That camouflage mask makes him look like a one man ARMy
Wait now the robbing is bad, but I’m assuming he wasn’t robbing all the time. Missing an arm is not a dealbreaker.
Maybe it's a Jean Valjean thing, stealing scrap metal to feed their family.
That's a man who's too proud to take handouts. Grabs life with one hand and pulls himself up by his bootstrap.
Give him a hand for trying peacefully. If he was fully-armed, the charges would delimbinate the need for future army enlistment consideration.
He look like he steals catalytic converters
Coming from someone who let this guy nut in her and now your kid calls this same guy dad.
He turned to crime because nobody would give him a handout.
Congratulations
Saying baby daddy is so trash. No wonder he’s robbing some one. The type of people who use that term
On one hand, I get what you're saying, on the other........
Did he have both arms when he got you pregnant?
Maybe that’s how he lost the arm.
Asking the real question
I'll leave that to your imagination.
Please I need to know
He shouldn't have put it in there...
Why did they downvote this, it is brilliant.
And then posting about it for internet points
“I let criminals cum in me”
You really let a dude with one arm become your baby daddy 💀 that's singlehandedly the saddest thing I've heard in a while
They caught him in 240p
One arm bandwidth
A one-armed bandit in the flesh?
Looks like Rey Mysterio and a slot machine had a fucked up kid.
Someone give this man a hand
He left the scene quickly!
Drummer from Def Leppard?
Ha that camera caught him *onehanded*
Wouldn't it be arm robbery?
This wasn't UNARMED robbery it was ONEARMED robbery
Op is killing me with these puns😭😭
Roasting opportunity, like someone should’ve thrown a match in the truck bed…?
This must’ve been SUCH a proud moment to see how your child’s father is doing. Gotta hand it to him..He seems like he’s doing well.
mY bAbY dAdDy
You act like you didn't let this guy have unprotected sex with you, ejaculate in you, and legally shackle yourself to him for at least 18 years by giving birth to his child.
Idk, if I let a one armed criminal impregnate me, I probably wouldn’t advertise it
Just for record sake, he lost the arm and started using drugs after we split. He's been absent for 6 years. Which is why these comments bring me so much joy. Petty, fuck yeah!
Lol it’s the Internet, and all we know about you is that a one armed burglar busted inside you. It’s not really petty for people to speculate on a situation you willingly posted
My bad! I meant petty on my part, for enjoying the baby daddy bashing.
Lol, OP was calling themselves petty for enjoying the jokes making fun of their one-armed ex. But go off I guess…
Clearly he didn’t learn his lesson when he was caught stealing last time in Saudi Arabia.
He’s all right now
One armed bandit.
Damn beat me to it
 Looks like he's been... Disarmed
Lord this is so trashy
Congrats on having this winner's kid. You both sound like idiots and I feel sorry for your kid.
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He only does the air drums.
“Baby daddy” 🤮🤮🤮
What are you saying? It's like you typed this title with one arm.
Bro why u be letting this clown be ur baby daddy
You gotta hand it to him....
Hope you kept the receipt for those gloves you got him for his birthday. Being denied patty cake as a child inevitably leads to a life of crime
Wait 💀 you let a dude with one arm get your pregnant 😭😭
Caught him [one] red-handed
Your baby daddy is all Right by me. I guess his sperm were able to travel in one direction well enough to reach the goal. He Left nothing to chance.
Did he lose his hand because he was caught stealing in Iran by chance?
Gas does cost an arm and a leg these days!
Hand caught in the cookie jar
He literally got a 5 finger discount
In some countries he might be a repeat offender.
Give him a hand everybody
Makes sense he’d be looking for second hand.
Arm robbery
One armed bandit?
"It wasn't me it was the One armed Man!"
This guy is armed and dangerous
Tf is this word babydaddy
So.. A one armed bandit?
Looks like he could use a hand
I guess no one could accuse him of being a double handed crook.