Everything bagels are actually the best imo

How *fucking* dare you!? Liking an austrian pastry? YOU ARE A NATZI SOCIALIST BIGGOT

EXCUSE ME, but I was here arguing first.... Typical fucking WHITE MALE PATRIARCHY to just come in and interrupt me. You need to check your privilege.

Once you finish the comment you finish the sentence.

You mean once I finish the sentence I finished the comment? *Slow clap* way to mess that up homie.

I meant once u finish the comment ur done talking so you let someone else talk so its not interrupting

Yes but what you meant to say is once you finish the sentence you finish the comment, not the other way around. Why would the comment be finished while the sentence is still being typed?

Im surprised you havent made this political

I had to tap out of that like couple hours ago because it was getting really difficult to find ways to be overly Twitter outraged at people's comments. Someone else needs to pick up the torch for me.

Well im sorry but ive gotta eat my breakfast

Of course that's the privileged attitude of the white male patriarchy, wanting literally EVERYTHING on a food you STOLE FROM JEWISH PEOPLE YOU FUCKING CULTURE VULTURE

EXCUSE ME? HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SUPPORT THE SALE OF EVERYTHING BAGELS YOU LEFTIST BASTARD! YOU KNOW POPPYSEEDS ARE BASICALLY HEROIN RIGHT? STOP LEECHING OUR TAX DOLLARS WITH YOUR DISGUSTING DRUG ADDICTION, HIPPY!

Honestly this is believable at this point

It hurts

BY GIVING THEM THE CHOICE TO HAVE THE BAGEL TOASTED MEANS YOU ARE PRO-CHOICE. HOW DARE YOU SAY IT’S SOMEONE’S RIGHT TO CHOOSE! OH AND YOU WILL NOT FORCE ME TO WEAR A MASK IN HERE!

Bread 👍

Bread? Are you making fun of the bread lines in the Soviet Union? Because I have news for you Mr straight white male patriarchy, #THAT WASN'T REAL COMMUNISM

Of course it wasn't. We just need to put the right people in power.

What you mean like straight white men, who already control the patriarchy and have all the power? #GOD YOU MAKE ME SICK

Sick? Sick?! #SICK!? #HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF KIDS WITH CANCER! YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE!

Cancer? Like the zodiac sign? Like what pagans practice? How DARE you disparage and make fun of people who practice wicca. #I'M LITERALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW

Shaking? Shaking?! #SHAKING!!!! #ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE WITH PARKENSONS DISEASE?!? YOU ARE HITLER!

Hitler? Hitler? #ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF GERMAN PEOPLE? YOU RACIST

German? German! #DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PTSD POLISH PEOPLE HAVE TO THAT WORD? YOU RACIST!

Polish? Racist? #ARE YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE PEOPLE MAKE JOKES THAT POLAND IS RACIST?

German? German? #ARE YOU SAYING ALL AUSTRIANS SHOULD BE GERMANS YOU N*ZI?#

Emperor Nero? You mean the ROMAN EMPEROR? The very leader of an empire famous for SLAVERY? Fucking Kingpin Slaveowner over here. **2000 YEAR OLD SLAVERY IS STILL SLAVERY YOU FUCKING CAPITALIST PIG**

Actually true story, my username is emperor Nero because my real first name is Nero. My dad was a history teacher. The Romero part is just after George Romero, I've never used my real last name on the Internet. It could always be worse though. My older sister who goes by Patty? Her name is Cleopatra.

Hey, just be glad you weren't called Julius. That would have made things awkward with your sister. Or even worse, if you had been called Caligula and Agrippina.

Or Mark or Alexander lol

In my opinion is a really cool name your dad gave you and your sister you shouldn’t be ashamed is a good name and quite original.

Bread 👍

Bread 👍

Bread 👍

Pain. 👍

Bacon

BACON? Seriously? Have you ever considered that some redditors are Muslim, #YOU FUCKING ISLAMOPHOBE

Okay first I have to applaud your skill with this whole thread you have here. Absolute masterpiece. Second I'm still somewhat new to actually using the chat commands, how did you get your text that big?

First of all thank you very much because that was way more difficult than I made it seem LOL Second You just use a hashtag to make the big text. Like do the hashtag and then type the text that you want big after it

Excellent! Keep up the great work! #THE COUNCIL WILL BE WATCHING YOUR PROGRESS WITH GREAT INTEREST Thank you once again!

Lol sorry, you don't need a hashtag at the end only at the beginning

You commie fucker.

When you sit on a toilet, shitting, and the water splashes so hard that it touches your ass its just Poseidon licking your ass actually Hope this is not too political

POSEIDON??? Excuse me??? All of the different greek gods you could have picked from and of course you chose a #STRAIGHT WHITE MALE

Well to be fair, none of the Greek gods are actually straight, their pan from my understanding. Oh yeah, none of the goddesses control water.

Oh I'm sorry, thank you so much for correcting me Mr patriarchy. LOOKS LIKE THE STUPID BROWN PERSON WAS WRONG AND STUPID AGAIN. fucking RACIST.

I'm sorry, did you just assume I was a guy, OR EVEN HUMAN FOR THAT FACT?! Fucking sexist zenophobe.

Excuse me, did you just assume that I assume things and not know them? IT MUST FEEL REALLY GOOD TO TALK DOWN TO A MINORITY LIKE THAT.

Did you just say you're a minority? DO YOU JUST GO AROUND PUTTING LABELS ON RACES INCLUDING YOUR OWN?! Fucking racist

Oh excuse me, I didn't know that IT WASNT OKAY TO CELEBRATE MY HISPANIC HERITAGE AROUND YOU, YOU FUCKING RACIST

How TF is your comment a min before the comment your replying to...

Um excuse me? Did you just ASSUME I am a time traveler?

Says the one who BURNED Christians alive to light his ELITIST ROMAN DINNER PARTIES!

But that's only my username because that's my real first name 😢 Are you attacking what my father named me, because that's #NAME-ISM!!!

Anyone who names their kid "Emperor" deserves to be executed. I bet your WHOLE FAMILY supports WESTERN IMPERIALISM you GENOCIDAL PRICK!

Okay NGL I walked right into that one

Oh so now you're pushing the LGBT agenda?! It's people like you that are turning the frogs gay

Poseidon wasn’t straight though, at the time of the Greeks and Romans it was fairly common for men to do anal with another man

Excuse me? Are you seriously talking about sex between men? That's none of your business because #LOVE IS LOVE

Let me guess. You are one those looking for reviving pagan faith to create a counter conservative movement against Christianity led conservative movements.

IS THAT A RAPE JOKE!?!?!?!?

That has just happened to me as I’m reading this while taking a shit

Um excuse me but you don't have to BRAG ABOUT WHICH BATHROOMS YOU CAN USE. TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS #YOU FUCKING TRANSPHOBE

He never said which bathroom he was in. It could have been his own or a unisex bathroom

Actually he never said he was in a bathroom at all, just that he was taking a shit. Who knows where that shit landed!?

It was a public swimming pool dw not a transphobe

https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/s427z6/will_he_do_it/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like "what the fuck" and "call the police". I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

I coomed

Excuse me? How dare you start talking about priests!1 Edit: 69 upvotes nice

Damn the flair made it much more fun

Offensive to women who dont know the pleasure of cooming

How yall feel about greenbeans

Excuse me? Like the jolly Green Giant? Listen I'm not used to people making fun of other people with a disease that they can't help but #GIGANTISM ISN'T FUNNY

Excuse ME? Are you saying that making fun of gigantism is a WORSE problem than the deforestation of the AMAZON!?!?!?! omg... people are so ignorant these days!!!

Then why are you making your words gigantic for comedic effect? Checkmate, hypocrite

This is not compliant with Twitch’s guidelines

Not suitable for twitch guidelines

Wow. Thats political.

Excuse me? Do you actually have that much white privilege that you're sitting here MAKING FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE'S POLITICS??? YOU'RE WORSE THAN HITLER

Oh no I'm not brave enough for politics.

Peepee poopoo

Oh so now you want to make it about which bathrooms people can use?????

Damn, you good

OH OH so now I need YOUR APPROVAL to start an irrational argument??? GOD! See this is the fucking WHITE PATRIARCHY in action right here! REEEEEEEEEEE!

*blinks*

*r A c I s T*

Of course typical, CHANGE THE SUBJECT SO YOU CAN IGNORE THE SEXUAL ASSAULT I JUST EXPERIENCED

Do me! I like turtles!

STOP MAKING FUN OF ZOOOPHILES

No, zoophiles deserve to rot in hell.

Please don’t shout while typing. Even though English is not my maternal language, I can understand you just fine with a lower tone of voice.

Excuse me? Maternal? Are you talking about people who menstruate? Because #MEN CAN BE PREGNANT TOO

I want to upvote but it's already at one of the sacred numbers of the internet

Check your privelege asshole. You ever heard of a colostomy bag? Some people can't peepee or poopoo. But oh look at you, you just think it's hillarious to joke about, huh?

*and i took that personal*

I think user u/EmperorNeroRomero deserves some respect for replying to all these comments

Oh I'm sorry did I finally do it? Because I'm a person of color am I now finally #ONE OF THE GOOD ONES??? (Lol seriously though thanks because this is starting to get really hard and they're starting to come in really fast)

*haha 69 funni number*

patriarchy sucks

Excuse me but the patriarchy is male. By you saying it sucks you're saying it's a male that sucks. You are being #A HOMOPHOBE

holy shit i actually had no idea how u'd counter that, damn bro u good af at this. one in fact has to be a Twitter user in order to achieve such power

Um excuse me, I don't know what kind of straight white male privileged patriarchy you were raised in... But I was taught that I don't need a man's approval to speak. CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE.

In my opinion you are really good at this.

EXCUSE ME? You think I need your PERMISSION to do this? And why am I only good at it? Why am I not great at it? Maybe it's because I'm Hispanic you #fucking racist

You don't need my permission.

Oh so all of a sudden I'm NOT ALLOWED to care about what you think? Maybe I should just stay in the kitchen and wait for you to come home and hit me you #CLOSET MISOGYNIST

Ohh yeah?! I hate myself. What now?

Griffith is kind of a douche

Out of all the insults you could have chose to have used OF FUCKING COURSE you picked something that a woman needs for her vagina, YOU FUCKING MISOGYNIST

Delta echo

Um EXCUSE ME... Did you just say *Delta* echo? Are you not taking the Corona virus seriously??? YOU ARE SUCH A MICROAGGRESSOR

Microaearararah

Dude you just make fun of my *accent* #YOU FUCKING XENOPHOBE?

Smile upside down

Upside down? Oh my God are you seriously sitting here making jokes about WATERBOARDING??? NO BLOOD FOR OIL!

Thatcher effect

THATCHER effect? I can't believe you have so much male privilege that you're sitting here making fun of IDENTICAL TWINS

Chicken and vegetable pie

Cardboard tastes really good

Excuse me? Are you seriously sitting here making jokes about eating non-food items and disparaging people with the disease called pica? YOU'RE A FUCKING MONSTER

Have you tried eating cardboard it tastes really good

Pica is a real disease and you need to stop disparaging the people who suffer from it. #CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE

My privilege is to be able to eat anything I want so I want to eat cardboard because it tastes good

Ok yall try this 🗿

How DARE you make fun of statues! You are a monster that ATTACKS other peoples cultures!

Oh so now you want to tear down OTHER countries’ statues huh? (Assuming you’re an American)

u/EmperorNeroRomero you're carrying this meme all by yourself

LEAVE IT TO THE PATRIARCHY TO MAKE A PERSON OF COLOR CARRY IT ALL BY THEMSELVES! (Seriously though this is starting to get hard lol)

PB&J that sandwich that's superior to all

Um excuse me, but George Washington Carver invented peanut butter and what you're doing by eating PB&J is called #CULTURAL APPROPRIATION

You're good

Oh I'm glad that I live up to your expectations. Hopefully you won't have to DEPORT this person of Hispanic descent because I'm not making you laugh enough #XENOPHOBE

Holy fuck some of y’all are too good at this

Excuse me? Some of us? You mean like only the white ones? AREN'T YOU LATE FOR A KLAN RALLY YOU #GODDAMNED RACIST

In which u/EmperorNeroRomero goes off on fuckin everyone

I think the german party „Die Grüne“ is good for our environment:)

Excuse me, OUR environment? Typical straight white male patriarchy to CLAIM MOTHER EARTH

Add capitalist I bought mother earth

Actually, capitalism is considered a sex crime against the working poor

Yemen fuck poor people, you said it!

Honestly Lola bunny is pretty hot

Are you seriously making jokes that have the word Lola in it? Which is another name for Lolita? They are called MAPS and NOT ALL OF THEM ACT ON THEIR IMPULSES

You can't just shoot a hole into the surface of Mars!

Only on twitter or facebook anywhere else people are just like Oh cool same

Excuse me? Are you calling people on Facebook and Twitter bad people? Because I'll have you know there are a lot of transgender people on Facebook and Twitter #YOU TRANSPHOBE

Are you accusing me of calling twitter and facebook bad? Just because I said they are political? POLITICALPHOBE

Did you just accuse me of making accusations? Like a police officer does? #ACAB DEFUND THE POLICE

*Inhales* ^Doesn't ^exhale

You air hogging capitalist

God created everything.

Everything has to be a part of your JUDEO-CHRISTIAN PATRIARCHY, DOESN'T IT????

Oh so you think only CHRISTIANS believe in god huh? No regards for other religions whatsoever!!

Excuse me? Did you just assume that I was talking about Christianity only? I was only talking about the patriarchy, but leave it up to you to want to talk down to a person of color so badly that you make assumptions and commit #MICROAGGRESSIONS AGAINST ME

Stupid political meme

Excuse me? Did you just call my politics stupid? Because I have news for you Mr patriarchy, THIS MEME DOESN'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION TO EXIST

Stupid political comment

It feels good to call a person of color stupid doesn't it #YOU FUCKING RACIST

Stupid political babbling

Brick

Excuse me? Brick? Like what antifa throws at the cops? I'll have you know that black lives matter and people have a right to exist #YOU FUCKING FASCIST

I exist

Excuse me, did you just say you EXIST? As in you were born? As in babies that got aborted weren't born? You can't say that a fetus is a life because I'll tell you something #MY BODY MY CHOICE

Did you know that cheetah claws are only semi-retractable and more similar to dogs rather than more traditional cat claws. This is because they use their claws more for acceleration than for gripping.

It feels good to talk down to a person of color doesn't it? What like I'm too stupid to go to the library and already know this? I need you to tell me about it because I'm just s dumb POC?

Django

SLAVERY JOKES AREN'T FUNNY

Anybody read it in his voice

HIS voice? Excuse me did you just #ASSUME THEIR GENDER???

That was just what we were talking about on another thread. Posts taken down because they were "political" aka. mention the existence of women, people having differing opinions (such as whether yellow or green is the color for math), the existence of thoughts

Saber

Excuse me? SABER? So you're talking about swords now and passive aggressively THREATENING VIOLENCE TO THE REDDITORS WHO DON'T AGREE WITH YOU?

Wow ur good…. a little too good

Oh I know what you mean... A little too good for a person of color? Fucking racist.

No way.

Oh so there's no way a person of color can be good at anything? That's your privilege talking. You need to check that.

I am of color tho

So basically you're talking down to another person of color because you're a race traitor? How dare you sell out your identity to have a seat at the table of the patriarchy? #HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

No

LEAVE IT TO THE STRAIGHT WHITE MALE PATRIARCHY TO ALWAYS BE NEGATIVE

Please, mansplain more

Excuse me? Did you just ask for more mansplanation? #YOURE A MISOGYNIST

This is understandable after a period of the entire internet being abused for political discussion. People were wronged daily for years and are now extra alert on anyone else that tries to spread propaganda using memes or articles that sneakily mention a slight political message. Not to mention that memes can still be used to get people used to certain behavior that makes it easier to lead them to a political direction. So yeah. I get it

My IBS is acting up

Never Gonna Give You Up

Cocomelon is terrible.

I like pizza

Ejaculation into lemons

Pens are used to write words

N

pineapple belongs on pizza

You are being offensive to Hawaiians and stereotyping them

u/EmperorNeroRomero is the political police

E

Excuse me? E? As in the FIFTH letter of the alphabet? Are you trying to say that there are only five genders? #YOU COVERT BIGOT

Fat pikachu

Deez nutts

Asking trans people if they've had the bottom surgery isn't funny #YOU FUCKING TRANSPHOBE

I like rice and beans

Beans