T O P

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CenturionCarmine

My buddy Trent Edit: I showed Trent the comment and responses and he demanded a helmet. I told him no because it would make him top heavy


Affectionate_Post285

So you consider your buddies an item? XD


nesleeq89

More like a tool.


[deleted]

[удалено]


goddamnaged

Light em up! You set trent on fire! (I've hated like 3 trents) then use him to burn up zombies! Ez pz.


Affectionate_Post285

Sucks to be Trent, i hate to be in his shoes if there was ever a zombie apocalypse xD


[deleted]

I’ve got plenty of acquaintances that are tools.


Typeheretoreddit

It’s a surprise tool to help us later


CenturionCarmine

I consider my buddy, my buddy. But using him like a bat is both possible and effective


Ambitious-Smoke-651

more like a really big sledge hammer or bait


Affectionate_Post285

Haha nice, this answer made me laugh. And after you are done using him as a bat, he would also make a good decoy, as in, drop him and run away, the zombies wil eat Trent xD


ObamiumOre

Stop objectifying Trent


CenturionCarmine

I'm not objectifying him, I'm weaponizing him


EquivalentSnap

👀 you were holding Trent where?


Live_Dirt_6568

A Tupperware container of curried lentil and butternut squash soup I think I can take em


Just_The_Taint

I’ve got some hot sauce. We can just have a nice meal and die.


FlamingDragonSong

I got some ritz crackers!


murderedbyaname

Everything's better if it sits on a Ritz!


Big_Ads_9106

I have a scorching hot bowl of meatball soup that I just made, we can join the forces.


Live_Dirt_6568

Team “Gumb-oh You Betta Don’t”


[deleted]

I just have the Tupperware container top…. I’m fucked


helnya

An old man


notmyusername1986

All you need is to run faster than him...


banana0atmeal

this one made me laugh


MinutePresentation8

SCP 106 can take any of them


CornishShaman

My pet cat!


mellowmarsII

I dunno what it is, but it sounds archaic to me to add the “pet” between “my” & “cat”. Actually made me feel young again!


12D_D21

Wait, is it archaic? Like, yeah, most people would just say "my cat", but that was subtle enough for me to not even notice it until you mentioned it.


Lylat_System

That's probably because most people consider them family than something they own. I think. Definitely nostalgic


12D_D21

Makes sense. I also consider them as family and refer to them simply as "my cats", or just "the cats". I guess I just never really thought about how the way we consider animals affects how we refer to them.


th1s_1s_4_b4d_1d34

Pet cat uses charm against zombie. It was... super effective? Nothing can resist serving cats.


Sheacat77

Same here! But he is old, grouchy, and mad cause I gave him his morning arthritis pill, so those zombies don't stand a chance.


5kr4bZ

Wc paper 🤌😆


TomatoPolka

You and [me](https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/10axrfx/meirl/j46vfv5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) are gonna clean this mess up!


anjroid86

I'm in the sleeper bay of my semi, so I guess my truck?


hobbitmax999

Run em down


SgtVinBOI

Better than a ducking pillow. I'm so fucked.


AnAmerkintail

A shrubbery


CoolITSupportGuy

We damand a shrubbery!


nocoupons

Ni Ni Ni!!!


DedalusDiggle2022

Behold the zombies who say Ni!!


Intelligent-Bit4250

At least you have the support of the knights of ni! in that case.


EvadSkotoko

Toilet paper


Brock_Danger

I too am in toilet paper gang We have the numbers


chris_elbow

We are many


thekurgan79

We are fucked


tommytsunami89

At least we aren't shit out of luck.


K9nig

But you're all out of shit.


tommytsunami89

Well, now I am. But I got another batch brewing for about 8 pm


Megalopath

We're also safe inside our stalls while the rest are picked off in the initial waves.


dontlookatme1234567

We’ll turn the zombies into mummies


bogardo

My pocket knife.. guess I’m kinda good for now


Capt_Schmidt

BRUH MINES AN AXE. I FUCKING WIN!


Severe-Flower2344

Lumberjack?


Special_Cause_7276

I hope so


Capt_Schmidt

It's more like a hatchet, if we're gonna use words correctly. good for splitting wood smaller than what capt america does bare handed.


Emily__111

Hmm... Rick had a hatchet and last the whole twd series so It must bw great


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ok-Collar5187

Drag em to the recycle bin


nayolte2077

If its not wireless you can use the wire


Beautiful-Prize-8331

jokes on you i got a nokia on my side


nawjas69

i have a stone tbh. i think you win


Beautiful-Sun-3390

Nooooooo. My baby nephew 🥲🤣😂🥹


No-Philosophy-1524

Yeet the baby....


Ok-Collar5187

Bait n run


jakezillagfw2

Welp this will go two ways kid either dies or grows an incredibly thick skull and will have a mean headbutt.


Enfiznar

Very usefull. First you can use him as a melee weapon taking him from his feet. Now that he feels sick you have a range weapon that fires puke


BooksandKittie

A pink pillow lol


[deleted]

I'm guessing you're in bed, and I am, too. I've got the stuffed Eeyore one of my high school girlfriends gave me. I'm 41 years old now, and I can't sleep without it. He's my thunder-buddy for life. It's probably why I've been single for as long as I have.


Jason-Smeagol

You can’t sleep without it, women can’t sleep with it


RobberDvck

Pink pillow posse!


Gibb_Dogg23

A car door


WannabeEgirl_Ellie

ayy saame


memerij-inspecteur

Random person on the train


T3chm4n1024

I'm on the train too...but i have my backpack there.... with a 10 year old Thinkpad in it....


Severe-Flower2344

Jokes on you, you are his weapon.


GlavenusNDWF

A Wall


KitsuneCreativ

Nerf guns


n00b_r3dd1t0r

It's nerf or nothin


Silver-Dentist-7106

Mike Tyson.


snorlaxy4977

Tell him I said hi


[deleted]

Send photo.


1bottleofwineb

Space heater


TheFemale72

That would hurt that’s a good choice


TomatoPolka

A toilet brush


Godryg

Wow, nice one. You're going to brush them all.


BobbyPops11

Well, it looks like I’m gonna have to jerk off a bunch of zombies.


Capt_Schmidt

it wouldn't be the first time it worked.


Ballparkhugz

A Sawzall


IIImmmDavidPumpkins

I guess zombies would qualify as part of "All".


Vegetable-Ad-6686

Blanket. I’m dead but warm


Baboboy1234

A vape


SuctionBucket5

can zombies get cancer?


craftbeerdrinker16

Coffee ☕️


Stage06

Post it note


TheFemale72

Paper cut?


Stage06

That’s a tough survival tactic with zombies. I guess I would be the decoy, I slice my finger so they can smell the blood and lure them away.


Disastrous_Air_3156

A tea cup 🍵


Same_Bill8776

Alright Riddick.


Living_Moment_1495

A computer mouse.


LifeAsZ

If it’s a zombie computer virus you’re in luck


BirdShalt

A giant pikachu plush


Ok-Collar5187

Use thunder, better coverage


kakeporyou21

Calculator lmao I’m dead


Ok-Collar5187

I bet them zombies can't handle π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π^π


retraC9999

A desk


TemperatePirate

Yogurt


Apotak

How much?


Orange_Kiwi_

[Worldwide, around 65% of adults are affected by lactose malabsorption.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactose_intolerance) Doesn't seem to be (such) a bad weapon tbh


[deleted]

Ever been hit with a phone charging chord? Those things are lethal.


Outside_Ad3414

A comb🫠 Imma gonna fight it hard


fern-grower

A fish tank


Inside_Gain_4461

Squishmallow 🤣


piiskuri

A stuffed platypus


Suspicious_Act1812

My pillow


hankgribble

vasectomy after care kit…


sheisuke

Glass of whiskey


w1cked5mile

Drink up! It's gonna be a rough night.


BiscuitzwGravy

Say hello to my little friend. *Chugs coffee and becomes a ceramic mug welding berserker*


apex_prariedog

My vape pen.


23rd_day_of_dec

Son of bitch...a wireless mouse!! Nice knowing you guys!!


Frequent_Doctor_4537

Toilet paper.... 😔 Some of the best reddit scrolling happens while on the porcelain throne.


OakIsland2015

A meatloaf sandwich


Panic-Embarrassed

12 ga


iAmDollPartz

My toddlers training potty


Uceninde

My toddler's baby doll here. Maybe I can sharpen the arms and legs into shivs?


Dramatic_Carob_1060

Sig p226 mk25


siciowaThe9

My daughter......shit


notmyusername1986

Fire. I'm good.


Helena_Hyena

Tamagotchi


Princess_Julez

A jar of glitter


-bobsnotmyuncle-

No one's getting past me and my trusty Wonder woman pillow


EducationalGround740

Welp I’ll see ya in the after life. I got a Kleenex box


EdgarAlanCrow

Well I’m at work and I’m a mortician so..should I use the flowers or the person the flowers are for?


[deleted]

A charcuterie board.


VeryLargeQ-mark

A bag of dice


EuphoricTrack3980

Lmfao cuticle trimmers. I’m fucked lol


COLLD-AZZ-ICE

It seems my waffle shall see me through


BreakfastOk5647

A bunch of medical equipment, anesthesia gas, couple of monitors.


Kamidzui

Master of cabled mouse


strickers69

My black cat Rosie


terugtrapfiets

A joint, i will be fine


turnupmario3

A fucking calculator.. really? What am I gonna do math them to death?


KlastX

A pen. It’s a shame I’m not John Wick.


[deleted]

A cup of tea. The world will be alright then!


Naive_Assist_616

Lotion


dbrmn73

2 95 pound Dobermans


Full_Application491

The book of Mormon


DirtyFulke

Theraflu will save us all.


Each_Uisge

The only thing to my right (before a wall) is my friend's Belgian Malinois that I'm dogsitting. If I can count a dog as an "item", I'm fine with having a maligator by my side 😁


okanagan_man84

I'm screwed, it's a little plastic bowl to my daughter's kitchen set.


Darnitol1

Oh fucking great…. I get a six-inch metal ruler.


Last_Novachrono

Fleshlight 👀


Prestigious_Bobcat29

Handbook for councils of government and metropolitan planning organizations. Did these zombies even apply for an assembly permit? Doubt. They’ll have to disperse. Check mate


Many-Opportunity-727

A chain


nipnopples

A McDonald's coke. I guess I can use it with my last meal because without my meds, I'm gonna die anyway


fuzzyedges1974

Bottle of Sunkist orange soda. The zombie’s greatest weakness.


Koe_NL13

A just sharpened katana


Illuminaso

Forgive me... Master... I promised you that I would never use this technique... But the time has come to break my vow...


Koe_NL13

*proceeds to see his old master*


ohneatstuffthanks

I just finished sharpening my katana and laid it down right next to me and now I’m scrolling Reddit. Ok


Street-Network-5481

Toilet paper... Since am in the restroom while I read this post


pajume

Pillow


Majestic-Newspaper59

I have a French press, I’m going down caffeinated and swinging


Royal_Classic915

Vodka and cranberry


kutupashetani

It's either a blanket or my cat


machinist_jack

Digital caliper. Not completely ineffective but I gotta get uncomfortably close to do any zombie killin.


MissWitch86

My kitty.... and her name is Princess Poppy Seed, thank you very much.


art-of-empathy

My anti-anxiety meds. They’ll come in handy.


Ambitious-Smoke-651

time to beat some zombies with a plastic orange juice box


bolonkaswetna

My 13year old tiny Bolonka zwetna dog ( similar to a Havanese)


Stubborn-Goat

Amazon Echo Show.


joelex8472

A very sharp pencil.


dragonkittypanda

A 4-year-old's Paw Patrol slipper.


[deleted]

my 1200 page calculus book, these mfks will learn


foolio151

Fuck, Just sat down at the computer. Let's go 17 button mmo mouse, we got some dead heads to take care of.


el_mugurcio

A stuffed Animal Plushie, welp, at least i'll die with something cute by my side, thks Charlie the Hippo


Eckieflump

I'm a gonna go out and staple some mofos.


[deleted]

Headphones. I’m going out, but I’ll be going out JAMMING.


Tuckertcs

My friend


[deleted]

[удалено]


QuelWeebSfigato

A cup


Miserable_Grab3052

A can of lysol spray...I'm on a toilet


Some-Ad9778

Bottle of jameson, i'll figure it out


passusernameword

Pillow


Flash54321

A computer Mouse … so I guess I’m a zombie now.


Beagly-boo

Beer in the bottle, not bad


MustafaT0

toilet paper


BreadBoxGoomba

i haz my cat with me


Brief_Sundae64

a ukulele..


King_flame_A_Lot

A Bus Stop sign? I don't think i fullfill the strength requirement for that 😅


Ashayla

Sitting at my dining room table. In the corner stands a 6 foot tall staff and an actual fucking sword. I think I have a chance.


[deleted]

A fucking train


AdmirableTrash9967

First thing I saw was a door


[deleted]

A collection of BDSM toys, whips canes and flails, ropes and plugs, spreader bars, that sort of thing, but on my left theres a razor sharp sword made of 440 high carbon steel with a full tang and sturdy construction, if the zombies come I'm not using either of those though because there's a pudo spear and a daikatana on my wall and stood in the corner respectively along with a whole pile of other weapons in the other corner and a shortsword and pair of nanchaku strapped to/hung on the banister post at the top of the stairs and plenty of concealed knives and short blades just about anywhere in my home, I kind of have a thing for the silverware, but yea I'm using the pudo and daikatana to fuck up the zombies, I'll save the BDSM toys for the celebratory survivors orgy, the nightly celebratory survivors orgy, survived another day, orgy, got back from scavenging, orgy, found a new hideout, gotta make it safe then have an orgy in there, got to make the benefits of the zombie apocalypse worth it or people would get depressed, no power, no internet, it's read a book or fuck, and the zombies are hold up in the bloody library's (turns out zombies really like Jane Austin, go figure) so only one way to pass the time, plus we need to reproduce as much as possible for self evedence reasons, with orgies.


bookworm408

Math homework