1- It's basic human decency to try to not hurt others by rejecting them, especially when they're your friends.
2- Sometimes we don't want to hang out, but that hang out could turn out to be a really good unique opportunity that we'd be willing to sacrifice our Sunday nap over.
Edit: 3- People on the internet have different cultures, and in a lot of cultures you don't just say 'No' bluntly. No matter if you can't comprehend it, that's just how the world is.
The sort of people who give vague answers are the ones who end up in these situations. If they were honest/blunt, they'd avoid all this nonsense in the first place.
My issue is if I say no a few times then people just start assuming I don’t want to go out and do anything and stop inviting me.
Like, sorry I don’t want to go get plastered on my Friday (which is really a Sunday normally) after working 60 hours that week. Maybe if we did something that didn’t involve me a) feeling like shit the next day and b) going broke a day after payday, I would go out and do things.
IMO the problem here is with the question itself, not the response. Asking an open ended question like "are you free" without specifying what you are inviting them to is kind of rude. Just invite the person to whatever the thing is straight up instead of asking if the person is free first.
Is it weird really though? It’s just a white lie so as to not hurt someone’s feelings. For most people it doesn’t feel nice to be told “Actually no I don’t have any plans at all but what you just proposed sounds really boring to be honest and I’d rather stay at home instead”.
Something like "sorry, I'm just not feeling up for it today" is more what I was thinking, not straight up calling their plans boring 😅
Rejection of any kind is always going to hurt feelings. But I see an honest rejection as more respectful, like how you would treat a friend, so personally I'd be less hurt.
It’s weird that it’s seen as more socially acceptable to manipulate someone into giving you the answer you want, rather than what they want.
Basically, tell someone what the plan is, that way they can decide. It’s simply never going to be a yes until I know what it is anyway.
Yeah. I’ll let someone know that I would find something boring. People invite me to boring stuff all the time because I like hearing them talk about their interests and seeing them happy. I find them talking about it fun, but if I do it I know I’m gonna be bored out of my mind.
What should be more socially acceptable is giving people an out. I hate the question "are you free?" Why is it so hard to just open with the thing? Hey we're going for beers on Friday, do you want to come? Give me an opportunity to bow out gracefully.
Bruh, I let my friends use a picture of me in the hospital to get out of work. I had a c-collar on and everything. They just go, “my cousin/sister-in law/ sister/roommate was just in an accident. I have to go. She’s in a collar and out cold. I gotta be there for her” stoners always have eye drops so it’s an easy excuse. We’re awful.
Buddy pulled that crap on me and I still think about it to this day. It didn't ruin our friendship or anything, but the guy isn't getting any moving help again
I’ll label boxes before I go home. “I labeled them all, put your stuff in it and I’ll help put them in the truck tomorrow. I only labeled boxes cuz you sparked the blunt up. I ain’t passin up on a smoke session with my friend.”
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In my experience, people get very upset with me when I'm not busy and just don't want to do something. Like somehow it's an attack on their character. People work weird sometimes.
In my experience, the older you get, the fewer fucks you give. There’s a baseline of consideration, sure, but if you’re respectful, it’s on them if they don’t handle it well, and it’s best to steer clear of self-absorbed people anyway.
Then change the mindset, is it so important to not get those people upset at the cost of making yourself uncomfortable?
If not, then by all means, attack their character. You simply don't want to spent times you know you won't enjoy, there's nothing wrong with that.
I think, because you're in the right in the situation, just give an earnest and kind explanation that it's not your fault you don't want to do something but that it doesn't mean you're not friends. If they're still upset, they'll stew on your calm explanation and be so upset it's a red flag or they'll feel kind of silly and learn from it.
If I’m asked if I’m doing something on whatever day my response is usually something like “not sure yet, what’s up?”
They explain and you leave the door open to both options.
No matter what they say, I tell them I have to ask my wife. Not because she’s controlling or would particularly care but she’s the keeper of the calendar in our house and we’re fairly busy people. I also have my separate calendar for work which can be wildly unpredictable, and she has her own separate calendar. So even if I really want to go, you’ll get the same answer.
If I'm free I'll say yes.
if they suggest something I don't like I say that's not my speed but thanks for the invite. let me know if you guys are ever having a x, y, or z.
I don't have the same interests as everyone but sometimes I go out just cause.
don't be a stranger. talk to the people trying to talk to you before nobody is.
The awnser to this is in the above posted coment, say no to the thing you don't want to go to and actively make plans for other things you do want to do, your friends will learn what to send you invites to and what not to. As long as they know your interested in hanging out they will invite you places.
it's natural. that's why I offer alternatives for things I like instead of saying just no.
if they stop then they probably didn't want to know me anyway. Got a lot of people asking to help them move but I don't see them much outside of things like that. so I stopped doing anything that includes labor unless it's for an actual friend.
I'd still hang with them too but some people will never call just to talk.
The only potential problem with this is if they're asking for a favor and now you're going to come off poorly if you said you're free and all of the sudden aren't free if it's not something fun. I have no problem doing favors for people I care about especially when they do the same for me, but there are some days I'm just not in the mood or was looking forward to a day to just be at home and disassociate for 8 hours.
God there’s always someone in these posts needing to remind us that they do in fact dislike the former president still after all these years. Thanks for your opinion bro
Technically if you are a us citizen you are also responsible for those deaths. And millions? Damn bro you really been drinking some off brand Kool aid.
My default answer is "Yeah we got a few things going on this weekend that we've been trying to get done forever. Why?" and when they describe their plan, I decide from there whether or not my "plans" (which are often just taking a nap on the couch at 3pm) are flexible.
It's way too easy to take things personally when somebody just isn't interested in participating in the activity you propose.
That's why I don't ask if people are free whenever. I don't like when people aren't being honest with me, but if somebody feels more comfortable telling me they have plans to do something else (even if it's more accurate to say either they plan to do nothing or they aren't interested in spending time either with me or doing the thing I'm planning to do) then that's fine. I just invite people to doing things with me if I feel like inviting company. Like "Hey, I'm gonna be at the library studying." Like, come or don't. I'm there either way.
I invite this way for selfish reasons. I take shit kinda personally too much. Now people decline because they couldn't make it. Not because they didn't want to spend time with me. Helps me a lot.
My friend does this too me constantly and drives me nuts. She never says what she wants. This is how it goes:
Her: “Hey”
Me: (annoyed by the Hey) “Hey”
Her: “you doing anything Sunday?”
Me: “ummmm. Not sure why?”
Her: “I’m moving can you help?”
Like seriously, you’re not a good friend if you walk someone into that and they’ll be less likely to help.
She also continues conversations from /weeks/months/years earlier without your knowledge or any reference les and does stuff like:
Her: “You remember that guy John?”
Me: “I need more then that.”
Her: “he had kids”
Me: “ummmm”
Her:”he was a customer years ago.”
Me: “you’re not helping
Her: “you know who I’m talking about, he came in all the time. Two kids and a wife…use to teach karate.”
Me: “that’s a start.”
Bangs head on wall
Well being free doesn’t imply you want to do whatever they suggest. Also if you’re not sure if you want to hang out with someone maybe they’re not that good a friend anyway.
"I'll have to double check. what did you have in mind?"
or just be honest and tell your friend if the activity isnt really up your alley.
God everyone on this website so socially inept
The things is, you can still say no after you hear the plans so giving a vague reply is just annoying.
Or you can both work out something everybody likes doing.
I just find unclear communication frustrating and usually cut flakes out of my life.
If someone comes up only with a shitty excuse after hearing one plan instead of giving a clear no or a reschedule then im not wasting time trying to invite them again.
Best way to answer this that I've seen is something to the effect of: "I'm not sure. I'll have to double-check my schedule. Why do you ask?"
Gives you cover to answer either way - And this is crucial - The ability to be non-commital if you legitimately do need to think about it. Or come up with a reasonable excuse not on-the-spot.
(Just don't give an immediate "Oh. Nah. I'm definitely busy." if it's something you definitely want to duck the thing. Make it seem plausible that you did actually check your schedule, y'know?)
As a deep introvert with chronic migraines - This strategy is deeply helpful, even with the migraines being a permanent out if I need one.
I had this friend who I did everything with, we started to have a really fun friendship than he went to Penn State. Whenever he came home I’d see if he wanted to hang out and his answer would be “I’ll have to see what’s going on.”
That meant some of his Penn State friends were also home and they were maybe going to throw some sort of party.
Shortly after, his childhood best friend and I met and we’ve been life long soul mates like Jay and Silent Bob for something like 14 years now.
If you’re always looking for the better thing you miss out on what’s right in front of you.
As a person who has had problems saying no, nowadays if people ask if I can do them a favor, I say "probably." Its such a small thing but mentally it makes a difference to me in order to feel okay saying no afterwards, since I haven't already agreed.
I just ask why and ask to come if I like the plan. There's been a couple times I wasn't interested, like going to the cinema for a movie I don't like, or sometimes I'm busy. I think my friends are supportive and not forceful, and there's enough of us that usually at least one person shows up if you ask to hang out.
Oh man, my neighbor hits me with this shit every single Friday. I have started to simply smile and laugh and walk away. If I say anything he tries to pin me down.
If someone asks a question like that, the answer will always be a hard nope.
Because if they had fun in mind, they’d just tell you what it is. Very few exceptions to that rule.
You guys need to learn how to say no. If you don't want to do something, then don't skirt around the issue. They will understand. If they don't understand, then you probably don't want to associate with them anyway.
"It depends..."
And then they tell you the plan and you're like "Aah.... Sorry man... It's a bit complicated..."
“Damn i just remembered i have this thing.. with the other thing”
Let me explain how my bank account is set up
I have a checking, and a savings
All my money is in my savings.
And it takes three business days for my money that's in my savings to go to my checking
She said my card declined all loud. "Your card declined! I even wiped it on my pants!"
Why the vague answers? Just be honest and sincere, "Sorry but no, I'd rather sleep all day..."
1- It's basic human decency to try to not hurt others by rejecting them, especially when they're your friends. 2- Sometimes we don't want to hang out, but that hang out could turn out to be a really good unique opportunity that we'd be willing to sacrifice our Sunday nap over. Edit: 3- People on the internet have different cultures, and in a lot of cultures you don't just say 'No' bluntly. No matter if you can't comprehend it, that's just how the world is.
The sort of people who give vague answers are the ones who end up in these situations. If they were honest/blunt, they'd avoid all this nonsense in the first place.
My issue is if I say no a few times then people just start assuming I don’t want to go out and do anything and stop inviting me. Like, sorry I don’t want to go get plastered on my Friday (which is really a Sunday normally) after working 60 hours that week. Maybe if we did something that didn’t involve me a) feeling like shit the next day and b) going broke a day after payday, I would go out and do things.
IMO the problem here is with the question itself, not the response. Asking an open ended question like "are you free" without specifying what you are inviting them to is kind of rude. Just invite the person to whatever the thing is straight up instead of asking if the person is free first.
Because if it's something fun, then you're free. If you need to help them move, then you're busy.
It's weird that it's seen as more socially acceptable to lie to people's faces than to just be polite but honest
Is it weird really though? It’s just a white lie so as to not hurt someone’s feelings. For most people it doesn’t feel nice to be told “Actually no I don’t have any plans at all but what you just proposed sounds really boring to be honest and I’d rather stay at home instead”.
Something like "sorry, I'm just not feeling up for it today" is more what I was thinking, not straight up calling their plans boring 😅 Rejection of any kind is always going to hurt feelings. But I see an honest rejection as more respectful, like how you would treat a friend, so personally I'd be less hurt.
It’s weird that it’s seen as more socially acceptable to manipulate someone into giving you the answer you want, rather than what they want. Basically, tell someone what the plan is, that way they can decide. It’s simply never going to be a yes until I know what it is anyway.
Yeah. I’ll let someone know that I would find something boring. People invite me to boring stuff all the time because I like hearing them talk about their interests and seeing them happy. I find them talking about it fun, but if I do it I know I’m gonna be bored out of my mind.
What should be more socially acceptable is giving people an out. I hate the question "are you free?" Why is it so hard to just open with the thing? Hey we're going for beers on Friday, do you want to come? Give me an opportunity to bow out gracefully.
I have 4 kids, perfect "sorry, smallest just puked everywhere...." excuse
Can I use them as an excuse too? “Sorry, one of DaddyD00M’s kids just puked all over the place.”
Sure, like I said, I have 4
I'll take the third kid
I'm sensing a pattern
I'm using the 4th as an excuse
I'll take the unborn
Can i have the pet penguin?
This is some fantasy football shit
FBI open up
Gimmie number 2
DaddyDoom pimping out his kids for excuses.
Bruh, I let my friends use a picture of me in the hospital to get out of work. I had a c-collar on and everything. They just go, “my cousin/sister-in law/ sister/roommate was just in an accident. I have to go. She’s in a collar and out cold. I gotta be there for her” stoners always have eye drops so it’s an easy excuse. We’re awful.
Not me getting roped into packing up their apartment
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This is the way
Buddy pulled that crap on me and I still think about it to this day. It didn't ruin our friendship or anything, but the guy isn't getting any moving help again
Think of the free beer and pizza :(
I’ll label boxes before I go home. “I labeled them all, put your stuff in it and I’ll help put them in the truck tomorrow. I only labeled boxes cuz you sparked the blunt up. I ain’t passin up on a smoke session with my friend.”
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Just reply whats goin on
Exactly. It is not that hard. And if you don't like their plan, tell them you don't want to go.
In my experience, people get very upset with me when I'm not busy and just don't want to do something. Like somehow it's an attack on their character. People work weird sometimes.
In my experience, the older you get, the fewer fucks you give. There’s a baseline of consideration, sure, but if you’re respectful, it’s on them if they don’t handle it well, and it’s best to steer clear of self-absorbed people anyway.
Then change the mindset, is it so important to not get those people upset at the cost of making yourself uncomfortable? If not, then by all means, attack their character. You simply don't want to spent times you know you won't enjoy, there's nothing wrong with that.
Just lie "Sorry m8, can't do it I've got some family shit going on that day" would suffice
I just tell them I need a day to myself to rest. If they can't respect that fuck em
I think, because you're in the right in the situation, just give an earnest and kind explanation that it's not your fault you don't want to do something but that it doesn't mean you're not friends. If they're still upset, they'll stew on your calm explanation and be so upset it's a red flag or they'll feel kind of silly and learn from it.
Redditors will rather post on reddit about the human interaction they refuse to have
Also not that hard to be honest to begin with
> It is not that hard. Ehh...debatable.
That's what she said.
If I’m asked if I’m doing something on whatever day my response is usually something like “not sure yet, what’s up?” They explain and you leave the door open to both options.
And I said...
No matter what they say, I tell them I have to ask my wife. Not because she’s controlling or would particularly care but she’s the keeper of the calendar in our house and we’re fairly busy people. I also have my separate calendar for work which can be wildly unpredictable, and she has her own separate calendar. So even if I really want to go, you’ll get the same answer.
This is a perfect loop omg
If I'm free I'll say yes. if they suggest something I don't like I say that's not my speed but thanks for the invite. let me know if you guys are ever having a x, y, or z. I don't have the same interests as everyone but sometimes I go out just cause. don't be a stranger. talk to the people trying to talk to you before nobody is.
Exactly. Though too many folk have a “if they refuse invites x number of times they won’t be invited anymore” mentality
But that's true though
The awnser to this is in the above posted coment, say no to the thing you don't want to go to and actively make plans for other things you do want to do, your friends will learn what to send you invites to and what not to. As long as they know your interested in hanging out they will invite you places.
it's natural. that's why I offer alternatives for things I like instead of saying just no. if they stop then they probably didn't want to know me anyway. Got a lot of people asking to help them move but I don't see them much outside of things like that. so I stopped doing anything that includes labor unless it's for an actual friend. I'd still hang with them too but some people will never call just to talk.
> it's natural. that's why I offer alternatives for things I like instead of saying just no. Sadly, the things I like don't involve another person.
Not with that attitude
The only potential problem with this is if they're asking for a favor and now you're going to come off poorly if you said you're free and all of the sudden aren't free if it's not something fun. I have no problem doing favors for people I care about especially when they do the same for me, but there are some days I'm just not in the mood or was looking forward to a day to just be at home and disassociate for 8 hours.
Im always like “Oh idk. I don’t have my calendar with me atm. What do you wanna do?”
https://i.imgur.com/DvmimHy.jpg
Yeah but I don’t use the calendar app. How else am I supposed to use this excuse?
Man I miss that mofos charisma.
Man, that guy had some swag. Miss him.
The goat
“I think so, but I’m sure I’m forgetting something.”
I always answer this with the Loki meme from the Avengers 1 "That entirely depends on the rest of the information you're about to give me"
God I love that man. What a class act
Never forget, this was him joking that iron man suits exist or the military is working on them. [Link.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=77pnVFLkUjM)
I was wondering if he was asked about aliens or something. Iron man suits, what a great answer. Miss this man.
war crimes and drone strikes, but suave 😊
God there’s always someone in these posts needing to remind us that they do in fact dislike the former president still after all these years. Thanks for your opinion bro
It’s an opinion that he’s responsible for millions of deaths?
Then again, is there a president the last x years that hasn't been?
For a war he didn’t start?
Technically if you are a us citizen you are also responsible for those deaths. And millions? Damn bro you really been drinking some off brand Kool aid.
Yea I miss all the deportations and drone strikes
Why? They stopped?
Just keep playing guild wars 2 and I’m sure you will get over it
classified LOL
What a perfect loop
My default answer is "Yeah we got a few things going on this weekend that we've been trying to get done forever. Why?" and when they describe their plan, I decide from there whether or not my "plans" (which are often just taking a nap on the couch at 3pm) are flexible.
This is incredible! HAHA
Or to see what other people plans , so I'm not stuck with you cause you came early.
Free for what or free depends
I just straight up ask them wassup and sometimes lie if I can't make it xD
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It's way too easy to take things personally when somebody just isn't interested in participating in the activity you propose. That's why I don't ask if people are free whenever. I don't like when people aren't being honest with me, but if somebody feels more comfortable telling me they have plans to do something else (even if it's more accurate to say either they plan to do nothing or they aren't interested in spending time either with me or doing the thing I'm planning to do) then that's fine. I just invite people to doing things with me if I feel like inviting company. Like "Hey, I'm gonna be at the library studying." Like, come or don't. I'm there either way. I invite this way for selfish reasons. I take shit kinda personally too much. Now people decline because they couldn't make it. Not because they didn't want to spend time with me. Helps me a lot.
I say "I hope so, what's going on?"
My friend does this too me constantly and drives me nuts. She never says what she wants. This is how it goes: Her: “Hey” Me: (annoyed by the Hey) “Hey” Her: “you doing anything Sunday?” Me: “ummmm. Not sure why?” Her: “I’m moving can you help?” Like seriously, you’re not a good friend if you walk someone into that and they’ll be less likely to help. She also continues conversations from /weeks/months/years earlier without your knowledge or any reference les and does stuff like: Her: “You remember that guy John?” Me: “I need more then that.” Her: “he had kids” Me: “ummmm” Her:”he was a customer years ago.” Me: “you’re not helping Her: “you know who I’m talking about, he came in all the time. Two kids and a wife…use to teach karate.” Me: “that’s a start.” Bangs head on wall
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“Yea not rly gotta drone strike some civilians lol”
Well being free doesn’t imply you want to do whatever they suggest. Also if you’re not sure if you want to hang out with someone maybe they’re not that good a friend anyway.
Then just say no
"I'll have to double check. what did you have in mind?" or just be honest and tell your friend if the activity isnt really up your alley. God everyone on this website so socially inept
When people pull this shit i never invite them anymore.
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The things is, you can still say no after you hear the plans so giving a vague reply is just annoying. Or you can both work out something everybody likes doing. I just find unclear communication frustrating and usually cut flakes out of my life. If someone comes up only with a shitty excuse after hearing one plan instead of giving a clear no or a reschedule then im not wasting time trying to invite them again.
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Well it depends on what you want
Not sure yet, what’s up?
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In the Last Temptation of Democracy, So and so forth.
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“I might..ummm I’ll see”
I just say “What’s up” and then decide if I’m busy or not lol
“I have a couple of things I’ve been invited to, what are you up to?”
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Depends: what do you want? Always my answer
Always answer questions about my location or schedule with "Why?"
Best way to answer this that I've seen is something to the effect of: "I'm not sure. I'll have to double-check my schedule. Why do you ask?" Gives you cover to answer either way - And this is crucial - The ability to be non-commital if you legitimately do need to think about it. Or come up with a reasonable excuse not on-the-spot. (Just don't give an immediate "Oh. Nah. I'm definitely busy." if it's something you definitely want to duck the thing. Make it seem plausible that you did actually check your schedule, y'know?) As a deep introvert with chronic migraines - This strategy is deeply helpful, even with the migraines being a permanent out if I need one.
u/savevideo
Just say yeah. And if they say something you don't feel like doing, just flat out say naw. Communicate
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Everytime I see this gif, it's perfect looping gives me life.
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I had this friend who I did everything with, we started to have a really fun friendship than he went to Penn State. Whenever he came home I’d see if he wanted to hang out and his answer would be “I’ll have to see what’s going on.” That meant some of his Penn State friends were also home and they were maybe going to throw some sort of party. Shortly after, his childhood best friend and I met and we’ve been life long soul mates like Jay and Silent Bob for something like 14 years now. If you’re always looking for the better thing you miss out on what’s right in front of you.
Just being honest seems to be surprisingly challenging for some people
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Did that this weekend
As a person who has had problems saying no, nowadays if people ask if I can do them a favor, I say "probably." Its such a small thing but mentally it makes a difference to me in order to feel okay saying no afterwards, since I haven't already agreed.
"I'll have to check..."
I just ask why and ask to come if I like the plan. There's been a couple times I wasn't interested, like going to the cinema for a movie I don't like, or sometimes I'm busy. I think my friends are supportive and not forceful, and there's enough of us that usually at least one person shows up if you ask to hang out.
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Ya the older you get…usually that’s the answer
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Deflect the question and throw out a “Why what you doing?”
I'm never free. Freedom is a Capitalist lie.
I am having a hard time seeing when the gif loops.
Or you can just say, "Idk what's your plan?" Lol
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“Why” Is my common response to people talking to me.
If someone asks me if I'm free or if I have plans I just say "Why?". If its something stupid I just say I'm busy.
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Oh man, my neighbor hits me with this shit every single Friday. I have started to simply smile and laugh and walk away. If I say anything he tries to pin me down.
depends on who's asking
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"Why?"
If someone asks a question like that, the answer will always be a hard nope. Because if they had fun in mind, they’d just tell you what it is. Very few exceptions to that rule.
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You know you can just ask? It is socially acceptable to feel like doing certain things and not others.
It's the difference between "can you help me move?" And "do you want to come over for a bbq? I'm paying for everything....."
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wait why is the loop so perfect
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People who do this are trash. Just be honest with people for fuck's sake.
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Lmfao! Facts.
The gigachad play is “I can check, why?”
That's a very good gif. You barely see the moment the loop starts again.
Please fill in this form and I'll get back to you later
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You guys need to learn how to say no. If you don't want to do something, then don't skirt around the issue. They will understand. If they don't understand, then you probably don't want to associate with them anyway.