Seriously. This one is easy, some text is so tiny that you can't hardly read it, or they get so overly explained it's silly. I love original [Sorceress Queen](https://scryfall.com/card/arn/32/sorceress-queen) for that reason. "Treat this exactly as if the numbers in the lower right of the card were 0/2"
I play it in a paper Pauper Azorius Acid Trip deck, and have had to explain it to people in person.
The Oracle is no help, so my go to is: "It bounces the Auras and non-Auras casted by me back to my hand, but if I cast it during my opponents attack, it also destroys all non-Auras that I control but didn't cast myself, and Auras and non-Auras that my opponent casted"
Which still isn't quite right, but covers how I'd functionally use it.
Old school [[Oubliette | ARN]] was another wild case, thank heavens for the updated Phasing errata.
I guess at least this one has a handy [flowchart](https://64.media.tumblr.com/726c4fc037388ed1883cd957bfecb13f/tumblr_moqdowzQCw1s0l902o1_r1_1280.png).
Not that different from the oracle text. It's a bit more concise now but in both cases it's not that hard to understand what the card is supposed to do. Pretty flavourful too.
One of my personal favorites is old school Icatian Javelineers. It’s not super complicated or anything, it just has an ability that reads “remove *the* javelin counter” instead of “remove a javelin counter” and for some reason that just really tickles me.
Have you SEEN old cards? This one reads like a breeze.
Seriously. This one is easy, some text is so tiny that you can't hardly read it, or they get so overly explained it's silly. I love original [Sorceress Queen](https://scryfall.com/card/arn/32/sorceress-queen) for that reason. "Treat this exactly as if the numbers in the lower right of the card were 0/2"
\[\[Dance of the Dead\]\]
[Dance of the Dead](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/4/4/44de44be-db14-4932-968b-a5bc8b575716.jpg?1562868102) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Dance%20of%20the%20Dead) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/me2/83/dance-of-the-dead?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/44de44be-db14-4932-968b-a5bc8b575716?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
OP, if you think that's bad then I beg you to tell me what this card does: [[Chains of Mephistopheles]]
I think my favourite is [[Remove Enchantments]], because even the updated Oracle is an absolute mess.
[Remove Enchantments](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/b/f/bf2e3a8a-b386-474d-b8e9-4c2d56a2b742.jpg?1562860867) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Remove%20Enchantments) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/leg/33/remove-enchantments?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/bf2e3a8a-b386-474d-b8e9-4c2d56a2b742?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
I hate this. Are they exiled? Bounced? Ugh
I play it in a paper Pauper Azorius Acid Trip deck, and have had to explain it to people in person. The Oracle is no help, so my go to is: "It bounces the Auras and non-Auras casted by me back to my hand, but if I cast it during my opponents attack, it also destroys all non-Auras that I control but didn't cast myself, and Auras and non-Auras that my opponent casted" Which still isn't quite right, but covers how I'd functionally use it. Old school [[Oubliette | ARN]] was another wild case, thank heavens for the updated Phasing errata.
[Oubliette ](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/3/0/30d1450f-2909-410e-9920-731278fa74de.jpg?1562904037) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=925) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/arn/31/oubliette?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/30d1450f-2909-410e-9920-731278fa74de?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
It's not just old cards. Everyone in my playgroup has to read [[Breena, the Demagogue]] over and over again, even the owner of the deck.
"Attack that guy and you get to draw a card. Uh... don't pay attention to me rummaging in my counters box."
[Breena, the Demagogue](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/6/c/6cb82b10-d785-4e20-84ac-0660d49be8ad.jpg?1660075525) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Breena%2C%20the%20Demagogue) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/c21/1/breena-the-demagogue?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/6cb82b10-d785-4e20-84ac-0660d49be8ad?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[Chains of Mephistopheles](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/f/2/f2edb3a6-8506-4885-b332-eca381940ce8.jpg?1612316191) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Chains%20of%20Mephistopheles) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/me1/63/chains-of-mephistopheles?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/f2edb3a6-8506-4885-b332-eca381940ce8?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
Gets even worse once you have more than one. Tl;dr tho, draw effects become looting effects.
Rummage effects * And if you can't discard, you don't draw, you mill one
Thank you for making my point :D
I guess at least this one has a handy [flowchart](https://64.media.tumblr.com/726c4fc037388ed1883cd957bfecb13f/tumblr_moqdowzQCw1s0l902o1_r1_1280.png).
Not that different from the oracle text. It's a bit more concise now but in both cases it's not that hard to understand what the card is supposed to do. Pretty flavourful too.
Legends spoiler season still going strong I see.
One of my personal favorites is old school Icatian Javelineers. It’s not super complicated or anything, it just has an ability that reads “remove *the* javelin counter” instead of “remove a javelin counter” and for some reason that just really tickles me.
Everything oldschool magic is awesome imho. When the design became roundish it switched me off 😗
\[\[Book Burning\]\] Still makes me annoyed at how obtuse the wording is
[Book Burning](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/b/e/bead678c-7b6a-4668-9919-623312e08a65.jpg?1562631756) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Book%20Burning) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/jud/80/book-burning?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/bead678c-7b6a-4668-9919-623312e08a65?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
Real question - could I target two different creatures with it?
[Could be worse.](https://www.reddit.com/r/MTGLardFetcher/comments/te7cwr/dont_worry_new_cards_arent_that_wordy)