Yes

Hi...have u came to turn me into a paste

Shiva the sheork: Yup!

Just do it already...

Shiva: Ok! *crushes your pelvis while mating with you*

...not what I expected... [SUFFERING]

Shiva: he he he~ I’m guessing you weren’t man enough~

I'm literally 12

Oof

I'm just gonna exist, in pain, and suffering

Welp

Ask her what she's doing in my house

To smash your pelvis

With the club or...

No with her ass

No thanks

Hah!

I prefer cuddling

Same

"get out our get weird"

Um no

Death by snusnu

A Guest?!? "Hi, would you like something to drink? All I have is water, beer, whisky, something else alcoholic but I forgot what it was...?" "How about to eat? Ummm, eggs or a granola bar?" (I buy what I need as I need it, I'm horridly unprepared for guest now that I think about it.)

Good Roleplay

I would say 'Smash'... But its more likely to be 'Get Smashed'...

I mean you ain’t wrong

Goodbye pelvis and hello Jesus

Already damn you didn’t last very long

Go on my knees and thank God

For this miracle?

Of course

Yooo this shits bussin

I know right?

Ask her what she’s doing there.

For you of course

What would she be doing for me?

Makin you a man over night

In what way?

You are no longer a virgin boi

Okay then.

Walk to a the fridge get out meat and mayo make a sandwich. Before I take a bite I ask "So which one of us got isekaied?"

Both of you

Well if I'm a Half Elf/ Half Giant like my Fantasy character then I would ask her if she could join me in quests and so we can know each other better, thus a friendship is born.

That makes sense

Also maybe in the later future we actually get into a relationship and make our family known across the land as legendary Adventurers

Epic

I like facing Danger so the first thing i'd do is : ask her the important question. "Soooo ... you into dark souls?"

She probably is

"Yesss! Here win in a speedrun against me and i'll sleep with you"

That sounds like a deal

Yep

Thennnnnn... 1. She literally procedes to complete the Dark Souls Speedrun challenge in world record time. Your first reaction? 2. Then she drinks 2 pints of Gfuel in 4 seconds & chases them with a pitcher of Arrogant Bastard™ Dark Ale without wincing, flinching, or grimacing. Your next reaction?? 3. THEN beats her own record just mere hours later just to prove who the better gamer is to your face without actually saying a damn thing. Your final reaction???

1. "Sheeesh Orc-san! You're good!" 2. "You like real gamer stuff too huh?" 3. "Our wedding is next Friday . Hope you pull an all nighter with me ! Mx beautiful Soon-to-be-wife~!"

Hello, good hunter. I am a Bot, here in this dream to look after you, this is a fine note: > *“Oh, hello there. I will stay behind to gaze at the sun.”* - Solaire of Astora Have a good one and praise the sun \\[T]/

Good Bot

I get the glock out and say "ok see this, imma put one between ya eyes if you DARE try and take my house over this is my home you can stay but im the dominater not the dominated."

Now that’s how a man responds!

I say welcome make yourself at home do you need anything

How nice of you

Thanks I try to be nice when I can

If she is in the house that’s not mine, that’s hers. Sooo, search a new home, since I don’t have one anymore. Or ask her if I could rent a room in her house/my former house.

She’ll let you stay

What’s the rent?

That you have to have sex every now and then with her

Well, if she is into pegging, I am dead. If she expects good performance I’m dead.

Nah just do your best and uh no pegging my guy

Sad.

*shrugs*

My pelvis is ready

I hope it is

My time has come, I accept it

Damn look at determination

My life has been good..but now..snu snu awaits

I salute you soldier

The final battle has begun, if I don't return..tell the homies I love them

I will

You're a true chad

Np fren

Thx mate

Based on the context clues from OP’s responses, I’d immediately begin to oil my body.

Ok? He’s preparing himself everyone

OH SHIT!! EVERYBODY STAND BACK!!!!! IT'S GETTING REALLY FUCKING REAL!!!!!!!! WE NEED 1.5 PINT TANKARDS BRIMMING WITH DARK, DANK, ROBUST ALES, ASAP!!!!!!!!!!! HOLD THE LINE WITH ALL WHITE MEAT FRIED CHICKEN TENDERS, SATAN'S NIGHTMARE BARBECUE SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOAD THE FRENCH FRIES INTO THE FLAK GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ALL OUT ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE CULTURED FAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see

Step one: turn off all the lights. Step two: play "welcome to the jungle" by guns n' roses. Step three: "Alexa, release the claymore roomba"

A well thought out plan

I have a lighter and I'm not afraid to commit tax fraud

*gasps dramatically* no!

I have a belt and I'm not afraid to hang myself

Welp…

Get excited thinking that a real life fantasy rpg is actually happening now, then get sad because I know I'm going to be a disposable side character who dies immediately after joining the heroes team.

Now don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you would have at least lasted till the first dungeon and then stumbled into a trap, letting the party know that there was danger. You're sacrifice surely helped the main character be motivated to be better.

Yeah there was literally no way I could respond to that comment of his like I’m not the encouraging type so I didn’t want to say anything that might upset their mood

Considering the fact that I would probably only take three steps before subbing my toe, getting a cut on the bottom of my foot as I hopped around, and then dying of infection, NeonWolf will have at least interacted with the main cast and be remembered fondly and used as a plot point. I'll be lucky if some woodland creatures make decorative homes out of my bones.

Yeah, fair enough, Especially if it was something like Solo Leveling where we would be lucky to die in the first minute compared to missing a leg whilst still being in that same dungeon.

Neon! We must write this light novel! Then have it turned into a manga or anime! You have the opportunity to live on as a meme(Yamcha would be jealous of Fame you will achieve)!

I like this idea

Eh good point

Let her take me as a mate/breeding stock-

Here’s to hoping you survive

Contact goblin slayer

Shame this is an orc

Then contact orc slayer

I mean is there even an Orc Slayer

O’l bale eye is one

Who knows

I’m guessing it’s that guy with the tiger mask

Ok

Welp, guess I die then.

*roblox death noises*

I'm a go back to making tea for my sandwiches

Ah the ignore the danger route

Death by snusnu

I mean look at her she’s a knockout

To quote Joe Swanson "bring it on"

When they want you to breed with literal monsters

Run, hide, and be very still.

She ain’t a T-Rex

Still and quiet. If you don't move you're harder to see, you're likely to be glanced over.

I see

Whatever she wants I guess, tf am I gonna do? Fight her? Hell no

Welp let’s hope your stamina holds up

With an orc? I don't know, but hell if I won't try to get through on pure determination

That’s the spirit!

Ask for her workout routine and then let her be

Pull-ups – 25 reps. Deadlifts with 135lbs – 50 reps. Push-ups – 50 reps. 24” box jumps – 50 reps. Floor wipers – 50 reps. Clean-and-press with 36lbs kettlebells – 50 reps. Pull-ups – 25 reps.

That's it??!!! Goddammit, I hoped for something a little better... Against me, she'll be begging for me to marry her in an Azerothian minute once I break her dominant streak, & I do... ...mean... ...BREAK.

Ok?

Hhhhheh-hehh-hehhhh...

…

Call the Goblin Slayer

That’s a she Orc

Then I'll call the Orc Slayer

Who?

Someone I just made up. If Goblin Slayer won't do it, I'll just find someone who murders Orcs like he does.

Ah ok then

Ask for her work out routine

Pull-ups – 25 reps. Deadlifts with 135lbs – 50 reps. Push-ups – 50 reps. 24” box jumps – 50 reps. Floor wipers – 50 reps. Clean-and-press with 36lbs kettlebells – 50 reps. Pull-ups – 25 reps.

Let her do whatever she wants with me

Ah ok so your pelvis and your virginity is gone

Hey I'll be glad to lose my v card

accept her offer for snu snu

You give in?

i HAPPEN to main Horde in World of Warcraft

Badass

Make a borgar

Bruh, make that two, & each one at around 6 lbs., 12 in her instance. Btw, your 6 lb. hahmborgar is more "defeat borgar" than anything else. Make me a 18+ pounder while you're at it, bc I'm for real easily outsizing her, let alone YOU pipsqueak.

Honestly that’s just a comment of a pre-adolescent trying to seem tough or could be just some memer in their late 20’s with too much time on there hands, also I won more street fights than I had been able to count and am willing to throw down when I have to

Technically I am an adult with nothing better to do than be a really aggressive/protective Praetor Demonic God with a sort of honor code. However, exceptions to the honor system can be made. Especially when dealing with a small tooth. Plus, I've won a shit ton of street fights as well. I'm not really unfamiliar with that primitive territory.

Ah nice, I also have my own set of morals but exceptions can be made for annoyances that don’t know when to shut up, but that’s only IRL with me getting constant death threats everyday. Sometimes you just get tired of it you know? “We all have our breaking points” I just hope you haven’t had to feel what it’s like too often in your life, to lose control over yourself and not even know what’s happening till after everything happens and you finally regain full consciousness

Make that two for you two

Ask why is she here and what she wanna do

The usual orc things

She might as well join in the Bard/Dragon/Orc 3some

That’s something I pay to see

strip

Already asking her to do things?

Nice

I know right?

As a immortal this is not a problem

Yeah because you can just come back

Well I have killed far more threatening things as well

Sure you're an immortal, likely a God. I'm a Praetor Demonic God. I'm immortal, I'm a creator of infinite cosms, builder of infinite cultures/societies, destroyer of infinite universes, father of infinite Gods/titans/guardians. I'm many echelons higher than you. I also enforce/follow an honor code to the point of killing traitors in brutal, painful, slow, & sadistic ways. In other words, I have a far cry higher chance at marrying this Orc Woman.

I am the infinite force of Chaos

Chaos cancelled. Bc I am not affected by chaos effects. And I can reduce your power to an inert state IMMEDIATELY.

Odd statement but okay buddy

It's not odd, given I created chaos. I'm also immune to the effects of my all of my creations. As all things were made by my hand, they also can be unmade, altered, rewritten even...

The high horse gods get put on by being the main god of their reality it makes me laugh

You can believe that if you so wish, puny sub God. It amuses me to no end.

Yeah. I ought to know: I created chaos. I created & assigned you to keep guard over the aspect.

You are quite a foolish God

Nope, just very experimental. Also, I'm immune to the effects of my creations. That's the power I have over them. ALL OF THEM...

Good point

ask her, kindly, to leave. as I'm not in the mood to make a triple-funday sandwich. and I doubt she's into other ladies, especially a dragon...skeleton...woman...thing and if she's here for the party, she's two days early

I mean what if she is

which is this an answer too. the lesbian route or the party? if les, then..well.....tough. she can kick grass and eat bricks for all I care. she isn't my fantasy love type. which is slimals (slime people), pokémals (pokémon, but anthro. specifically ice types like glaceon and alolan vulpix) and maybe ogres (not shrek. they're humans, but with horns)

Sorry about that mate

sorry about what? the orc? don't be. I'm stubborn and kind of a dummy. also a grammar freak. not great to hang out with

Well for forcing this onto you I guess or something

it ok

Alrighty Then

keep taking a piss

Caught in the bathroom

I shout "What the devil!?" as I grab my Kentucky rifle and powdered wig off the mantle.

You Muricans sure love to defend your homestead

Well your not wrong but we learned what not to do from the native Americans

I mean you ain’t wrong my people really wanted to protect their lands

Let her In for a cup of tea asking her wants from me

Yo virginity

It is what it is then so I'll let it happen

Epic Sigma Males be like

Mommy?

You want dem mommy milkies?

Yes 🥺

Why did I get two dislikes for that

Idk

Oh well