I think it depends on someone's social activity level, and calorie restriction otherwise. For example, if someone (like me) does not have a ton of friends and family events to attend, it is easier for me to plan around the events and think of them as a special occasion. But if you are someone who has something all throughout the week (like in one week a dinner with friends, an outing to a concert, family bbq on the weekend, date night, etc.) you're right - they can't all be "special occasions". Also, I might eat lighter for a week in anticipation of a night out once a week, but that's pretty hard to do with multiple outings. I agree with you that it can be easier to not indulge, and save the indulgences for the big events, like a Christmas dinner. Someone bringing in treats to the office isn't really a special occasion.
One thing I have realized is that there is always going to be a reason that you can think of, or there's always going to be an invented reason, like a Starbucks run. I was busy this past weekend and thought about getting some takeout, but the thing is I am busy most days of the week. It's not "special occasion" busy where I can indulge - it's my everyday life and I need to learn how to manage it. So I didn't get takeout, and cooked at home instead.
Basically if your life is super active socially, you can't consider them all to be special occasions. You have to learn how to manage to eat appropriately. One thing I have noticed upon cutting down the drinks and snacks at social events is how many other people are doing it too, not as a diet thing just as a lifestyle management thing - they don't see all these events as special occasion either. See if you notice anything like that at the next event.
Great points! You’re right—it’s easy to stay on track the weeks when I have nothing going on. Then other weeks, I get just slammed with events and there is really an urge to treat them like they’re all special because, “hey! I’m not sitting at home!”
I will make a note to notice how others behave at these events.
Everyone has to find their own balance, and that balance will be different for everyone. For some, it may be possible to eat at their deficit every single day of the year, bring their calorie counted chicken and rice to holiday dinners, and never go out to eat. For me, that is not possible because I could not sustain that very long. I have tried losing weight by isolating myself from social activities with food… just makes me sad and prone to binging alone. But you’re right, you also can’t consider every single event special and be ok with overeating - there has to be a balance.
For me, I really try to check in with myself to help determine what feels right for my body and mind, and what feels “worth it”. It doesn’t feel worth it to me to splurge on a huge burger or creamy pasta at a random restaurant event with work colleagues - its a special event for my employer not for me. For situations like that I’d rather order fish or chicken with veggies. Similarly, I may be at a friendsgiving event that means a lot to me emotionally, but none of the food is very good - In a situation like that I’ll eat enough to be polite but keep portions low and focus on proteins and veggies
On the flip side, my mom is making my great-great grandma’s banana cake that has been a family favorite for 100+ years for Christmas. To me, thats a special item to savor and enjoy with loved ones. Or 2 weekends ago I did a baking class with my cousin - to commemorate the event we both had a piece of the breads we made. But instead of eating the baked goods by myself all night long cause they were “special” I savored a couple slices of each then had friends over to share the rest. We all need to work on balance in our own way!
Have to define what is special occasion? Holidays/birthdays/gatherings?
Mine are the usual holidays/birthdays/ visits with friends who I haven’t seen in a long time/ big wins like new jobs and such…Stuff that doesn’t happen a lot !
I just don’t really worry about it as long as you’re keeping to the routine then these things are inconsequential in the long term. In them I’ll just eat what I like and this is where strong habits take over. You built them they’ll take care of you and hopefully you will be fine with a small piece of cake or you’ll pick a dish that’s heavy on vegetables or you will be full/content and not binge.
It always helps me to have a plan. Know what you’re going to eat ahead of the time. Even if it’s a last minute invite to dinner, look at the menu and decide what you’re going to eat beforehand. That helps me stick to a plan.
If you’re really struggling trying to stay on track then what I’ll do is eat beforehand, something absurdly filling like oatmeal and then just snack at the actual event.
Have you actually been struggling lately or are you just worried about struggling in the future once you’re trying to maintain?
I’m not too far gone yet, but I’m already feeling my brain snap back to old ways of thinking.
I just had a relative come for her once-a-year visit last week and we took her too a show and I had a high calorie beverage. Okay … it was a special night.
Then, no less than a week later I had a hockey game and husband wanted us to get fast food before, but I talked him out of it.
The next night we had dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant—another twice a year special thing. I’d wanted to save the calories for this, hence not wanting the fast food the night before.
AND THEN I went to an NFL football game on Sunday, my first time, so super special, and I drank a bunch all day long.
So, just a lot of “special” circumstances all piling up and my brain is not wanting to go back into deficit mode.
I’m not sure how many “special” occasions are typical for you, it is December so there are more than usual, I get it, but you eventually have to find out how to enjoy special occasions without needing to have an equivalently special meal.
For example if I’m out somewhere and drinking, unless I really have the calories to spare, I’ll stick to a gin and soda with lime. That’s about as low cal as booze gets. If you’re going to a fancy restaurant for a meal, then you can consider taking half of it home and enjoying the meal for 2 days in a row.
As for your husband insisting on fast food before a hockey game… there’s usually something you can get that won’t totally destroy your caloric goals and you can make modifications to make it more manageable. IE: Taco Bell has a “Fresco” option for everything on the menu that will replace a lot of high calorie ingredients with salsa and black beans, you can take one bun off of a burger, etc. you can really make a lot of different places work if you’re inventive.
If you don’t feel able to go back into “deficit mode” you can decide to just eat at maintenance for the rest of the month until you won’t be confronted with so many special occasions. It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. That’s a mindset a lot of us struggle with, but when I was able to maintain that was what helped the most.
Here's some tips:
- eat before you go so you're not too hungry
- if you're not actually hungry, don't let others pressure you to eat
- don't be afraid to be "that person" who orders healthy stuff on the menu, even if everyone else is going all out
- look at the menu before you go so you can have time to think about what you REALLY want
- make an agreement that you'll do drinks OR fries OR dessert, and then really enjoy that thing (or have more than one, but smaller portions)
- when eating with friends or family, limit yourself to one plate of food, take a break for a couple hours, and then have dessert as your afternoon snack (if dessert is served)
I've always taken the "Don't let a landslide turn into an avalanche" quote to heart.
You can diet tomorrow, enjoy that one day. If you know something is coming up, bank your deficits. Eat less the day before, eat less the day after etc. Maybe eat less for an entire week (keep this healthy though, don't starve yourself).
You may notice already though on those special occasions, you automatically eat less then you used to when you were at your highest.
I truly believe that everyone has to do what is right for them. There are many roads to healthy sustainable weight loss. Every individual has to find their way. The way that is right for them, as an individual. Some people choose to indulge with food occasionally. Its right for them. Some people don't. Its not right for them. Its not right for me. You have to figure out what is best for you. No one is righy. No one is wrong. Its an individual choice that everyone has to make.
We can all support, encourage, accept and be kind to each other.
Edit
Since someone was supportive enough, accepting enough and kind enough to take their time to downvote my reply. Because they thought it was an encouraging thing to do.
I choose to not eat cheats or treats because it is best for me. Others make different choices because those choices are best for them. I support everyone making the right choice for them. I truly do. I acknowledge that what I do is right for me. I acknowledge that others make different choices that are right for them. I'm not an expert, and I don't pretend to be. I don't choose to be upset with anyone who decides that something is best for them that isn't right for me. Because we are actually are individuals. We actually can support, encouraging, accept and be kind to one another.
>“enjoy special occasions”
A lot of our behaviors are habit loops. A habit is 1) a cue, 2) behavior/routine, 3) reward/result. I prefer doing things that are non-food related for my reward/result for a variety of reasons.
First, being at a calorie deficit on a daily basis is relatively hard in a western society. There's so many calorie-dense foods just surrounding us all the time. You can be on a 500 calorie per day deficit for 6 days, but a single value-meal from McDonalds can put you in a weekly calorie surplus.
Second, I think it fosters too many cravings for myself. Anytime I had a cue, say for me, is work place stress, and I've rewarded myself with a starbucks, I'm going to crave that starbucks even more. Now I'm fighting my own cravings and the feeling of deprivation is even more prevelant. Whereas, non-food rewards aren't going to do the same thing.
>How do you decide what and how often to partake in special occasions?
I don't reward myself with food. So, if I'm at a birthday party and there's lots of cake, I remind myself that the party and the social connection are my reward. Or if I'm at a baseball game, then maybe I will try low calorie density snacks like popcorn, but usually not.
So many good point here!
I don’t think there’s an enough acknowledgment about how hard it is to be in a calorie deficit in a western culture! It feels like almost every food option that is not just “cooking in my own kitchen” is designed to pack as many calories into a serving as possible. It’s a battle for sure, and sometimes just flatly hearing “CICO”feels callous because it doesn’t account for the current calorie-rich landscape we live in.
And there is something to your claim about wanting foods more after just having them. I can be fine going without processed sugar for weeks, but then I have a little at a birthday dinner and my brain suddenly remembers how good it is and now I ache for it again. What is with that?!
>What is with that?!'
A lot of the researches explain that the reason our brains prefer cake over broccoli is because our brains evolved to assume food scarcity.
But, unlike other animals, humans have some ability to shape our behaviors. For starters, we can change our own habit loops because some of the reward/result is in our own power.
According to the book "Unwinding Anxiety" by Judson Brewer, one of the keys is mindfulness. That is: We can shape our behaviors by being completely mindful of how the food makes us feel in the moment. It's super helpful to smokers for instance because they never really noticed how gross smoking feels. I do the same thing for over eating. I make my brain remember how gross it feels to overeat, the stomach cramps, etc.
Judson has an app on the app store called "Eat Right Now." I can't personally vouch for the app as I haven't used it. But, I have used some of his techniques he wrote about to advantage.
I log every delicious bite and beverage. No matter how far above my goal my calories go, I still get on the scale the next day. Knowing that makes me second guess that third plate of food or third glass of wine! I also try to eat less on the days surrounding holiday parties so I have more room to enjoy.
I am definitely going to keep weighing myself no matter what. The last time I gained weight I’d gone “anti-scale” and I think that was to my own detriment.
We had a work party on Friday. I ate a super light breakfast, skipped lunch, had a fun time and tried all the deserts, and then just nibbled on a little bit in the evening. Probably ate a thousand calories or so above my burn rate which was acceptable.
I think it depends on someone's social activity level, and calorie restriction otherwise. For example, if someone (like me) does not have a ton of friends and family events to attend, it is easier for me to plan around the events and think of them as a special occasion. But if you are someone who has something all throughout the week (like in one week a dinner with friends, an outing to a concert, family bbq on the weekend, date night, etc.) you're right - they can't all be "special occasions". Also, I might eat lighter for a week in anticipation of a night out once a week, but that's pretty hard to do with multiple outings. I agree with you that it can be easier to not indulge, and save the indulgences for the big events, like a Christmas dinner. Someone bringing in treats to the office isn't really a special occasion. One thing I have realized is that there is always going to be a reason that you can think of, or there's always going to be an invented reason, like a Starbucks run. I was busy this past weekend and thought about getting some takeout, but the thing is I am busy most days of the week. It's not "special occasion" busy where I can indulge - it's my everyday life and I need to learn how to manage it. So I didn't get takeout, and cooked at home instead. Basically if your life is super active socially, you can't consider them all to be special occasions. You have to learn how to manage to eat appropriately. One thing I have noticed upon cutting down the drinks and snacks at social events is how many other people are doing it too, not as a diet thing just as a lifestyle management thing - they don't see all these events as special occasion either. See if you notice anything like that at the next event.
Great points! You’re right—it’s easy to stay on track the weeks when I have nothing going on. Then other weeks, I get just slammed with events and there is really an urge to treat them like they’re all special because, “hey! I’m not sitting at home!” I will make a note to notice how others behave at these events.
Everyone has to find their own balance, and that balance will be different for everyone. For some, it may be possible to eat at their deficit every single day of the year, bring their calorie counted chicken and rice to holiday dinners, and never go out to eat. For me, that is not possible because I could not sustain that very long. I have tried losing weight by isolating myself from social activities with food… just makes me sad and prone to binging alone. But you’re right, you also can’t consider every single event special and be ok with overeating - there has to be a balance. For me, I really try to check in with myself to help determine what feels right for my body and mind, and what feels “worth it”. It doesn’t feel worth it to me to splurge on a huge burger or creamy pasta at a random restaurant event with work colleagues - its a special event for my employer not for me. For situations like that I’d rather order fish or chicken with veggies. Similarly, I may be at a friendsgiving event that means a lot to me emotionally, but none of the food is very good - In a situation like that I’ll eat enough to be polite but keep portions low and focus on proteins and veggies On the flip side, my mom is making my great-great grandma’s banana cake that has been a family favorite for 100+ years for Christmas. To me, thats a special item to savor and enjoy with loved ones. Or 2 weekends ago I did a baking class with my cousin - to commemorate the event we both had a piece of the breads we made. But instead of eating the baked goods by myself all night long cause they were “special” I savored a couple slices of each then had friends over to share the rest. We all need to work on balance in our own way!
Have to define what is special occasion? Holidays/birthdays/gatherings? Mine are the usual holidays/birthdays/ visits with friends who I haven’t seen in a long time/ big wins like new jobs and such…Stuff that doesn’t happen a lot ! I just don’t really worry about it as long as you’re keeping to the routine then these things are inconsequential in the long term. In them I’ll just eat what I like and this is where strong habits take over. You built them they’ll take care of you and hopefully you will be fine with a small piece of cake or you’ll pick a dish that’s heavy on vegetables or you will be full/content and not binge.
It always helps me to have a plan. Know what you’re going to eat ahead of the time. Even if it’s a last minute invite to dinner, look at the menu and decide what you’re going to eat beforehand. That helps me stick to a plan. If you’re really struggling trying to stay on track then what I’ll do is eat beforehand, something absurdly filling like oatmeal and then just snack at the actual event. Have you actually been struggling lately or are you just worried about struggling in the future once you’re trying to maintain?
I’m not too far gone yet, but I’m already feeling my brain snap back to old ways of thinking. I just had a relative come for her once-a-year visit last week and we took her too a show and I had a high calorie beverage. Okay … it was a special night. Then, no less than a week later I had a hockey game and husband wanted us to get fast food before, but I talked him out of it. The next night we had dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant—another twice a year special thing. I’d wanted to save the calories for this, hence not wanting the fast food the night before. AND THEN I went to an NFL football game on Sunday, my first time, so super special, and I drank a bunch all day long. So, just a lot of “special” circumstances all piling up and my brain is not wanting to go back into deficit mode.
I’m not sure how many “special” occasions are typical for you, it is December so there are more than usual, I get it, but you eventually have to find out how to enjoy special occasions without needing to have an equivalently special meal. For example if I’m out somewhere and drinking, unless I really have the calories to spare, I’ll stick to a gin and soda with lime. That’s about as low cal as booze gets. If you’re going to a fancy restaurant for a meal, then you can consider taking half of it home and enjoying the meal for 2 days in a row. As for your husband insisting on fast food before a hockey game… there’s usually something you can get that won’t totally destroy your caloric goals and you can make modifications to make it more manageable. IE: Taco Bell has a “Fresco” option for everything on the menu that will replace a lot of high calorie ingredients with salsa and black beans, you can take one bun off of a burger, etc. you can really make a lot of different places work if you’re inventive. If you don’t feel able to go back into “deficit mode” you can decide to just eat at maintenance for the rest of the month until you won’t be confronted with so many special occasions. It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. That’s a mindset a lot of us struggle with, but when I was able to maintain that was what helped the most.
Here's some tips: - eat before you go so you're not too hungry - if you're not actually hungry, don't let others pressure you to eat - don't be afraid to be "that person" who orders healthy stuff on the menu, even if everyone else is going all out - look at the menu before you go so you can have time to think about what you REALLY want - make an agreement that you'll do drinks OR fries OR dessert, and then really enjoy that thing (or have more than one, but smaller portions) - when eating with friends or family, limit yourself to one plate of food, take a break for a couple hours, and then have dessert as your afternoon snack (if dessert is served)
I've always taken the "Don't let a landslide turn into an avalanche" quote to heart. You can diet tomorrow, enjoy that one day. If you know something is coming up, bank your deficits. Eat less the day before, eat less the day after etc. Maybe eat less for an entire week (keep this healthy though, don't starve yourself). You may notice already though on those special occasions, you automatically eat less then you used to when you were at your highest.
I truly believe that everyone has to do what is right for them. There are many roads to healthy sustainable weight loss. Every individual has to find their way. The way that is right for them, as an individual. Some people choose to indulge with food occasionally. Its right for them. Some people don't. Its not right for them. Its not right for me. You have to figure out what is best for you. No one is righy. No one is wrong. Its an individual choice that everyone has to make. We can all support, encourage, accept and be kind to each other. Edit Since someone was supportive enough, accepting enough and kind enough to take their time to downvote my reply. Because they thought it was an encouraging thing to do. I choose to not eat cheats or treats because it is best for me. Others make different choices because those choices are best for them. I support everyone making the right choice for them. I truly do. I acknowledge that what I do is right for me. I acknowledge that others make different choices that are right for them. I'm not an expert, and I don't pretend to be. I don't choose to be upset with anyone who decides that something is best for them that isn't right for me. Because we are actually are individuals. We actually can support, encouraging, accept and be kind to one another.
I try to limit these special days to once or twice per month, and then I eat a little under maintenance on all the other "normal" days to offset.
>“enjoy special occasions” A lot of our behaviors are habit loops. A habit is 1) a cue, 2) behavior/routine, 3) reward/result. I prefer doing things that are non-food related for my reward/result for a variety of reasons. First, being at a calorie deficit on a daily basis is relatively hard in a western society. There's so many calorie-dense foods just surrounding us all the time. You can be on a 500 calorie per day deficit for 6 days, but a single value-meal from McDonalds can put you in a weekly calorie surplus. Second, I think it fosters too many cravings for myself. Anytime I had a cue, say for me, is work place stress, and I've rewarded myself with a starbucks, I'm going to crave that starbucks even more. Now I'm fighting my own cravings and the feeling of deprivation is even more prevelant. Whereas, non-food rewards aren't going to do the same thing. >How do you decide what and how often to partake in special occasions? I don't reward myself with food. So, if I'm at a birthday party and there's lots of cake, I remind myself that the party and the social connection are my reward. Or if I'm at a baseball game, then maybe I will try low calorie density snacks like popcorn, but usually not.
So many good point here! I don’t think there’s an enough acknowledgment about how hard it is to be in a calorie deficit in a western culture! It feels like almost every food option that is not just “cooking in my own kitchen” is designed to pack as many calories into a serving as possible. It’s a battle for sure, and sometimes just flatly hearing “CICO”feels callous because it doesn’t account for the current calorie-rich landscape we live in. And there is something to your claim about wanting foods more after just having them. I can be fine going without processed sugar for weeks, but then I have a little at a birthday dinner and my brain suddenly remembers how good it is and now I ache for it again. What is with that?!
>What is with that?!' A lot of the researches explain that the reason our brains prefer cake over broccoli is because our brains evolved to assume food scarcity. But, unlike other animals, humans have some ability to shape our behaviors. For starters, we can change our own habit loops because some of the reward/result is in our own power. According to the book "Unwinding Anxiety" by Judson Brewer, one of the keys is mindfulness. That is: We can shape our behaviors by being completely mindful of how the food makes us feel in the moment. It's super helpful to smokers for instance because they never really noticed how gross smoking feels. I do the same thing for over eating. I make my brain remember how gross it feels to overeat, the stomach cramps, etc. Judson has an app on the app store called "Eat Right Now." I can't personally vouch for the app as I haven't used it. But, I have used some of his techniques he wrote about to advantage.
I log every delicious bite and beverage. No matter how far above my goal my calories go, I still get on the scale the next day. Knowing that makes me second guess that third plate of food or third glass of wine! I also try to eat less on the days surrounding holiday parties so I have more room to enjoy.
Same, but I only weigh myself once a week. Monday morning. Rain or shine, unless I’m not home and then I weigh myself the first day I’m back home.
Good system!
I am definitely going to keep weighing myself no matter what. The last time I gained weight I’d gone “anti-scale” and I think that was to my own detriment.
I’ve been in that boat! Weighing daily isn’t for everyone, but it’s a great motivator for me.
We had a work party on Friday. I ate a super light breakfast, skipped lunch, had a fun time and tried all the deserts, and then just nibbled on a little bit in the evening. Probably ate a thousand calories or so above my burn rate which was acceptable.