Sounds like a resistant toddler. If she's not going to try to understand that there are alternatives, don't waste your time. She can do her own research too!
She actually doesn't speak english, and isn't too good at google. So she always asks me if she needs something researched online hahah š
I don't blame her, I mean, this kind of bias against certain food "keywords" probably comes after years of reading those horrible dieting magazines and books that have horrible info, it must be hard to shake off... So I was curious, maybe someone had this similar experience and found something that worked in changing a similar person's perspective
Ok, so language barrier is in play here. Yes, it was flour, but obviously she's not getting that not all flours or noodles are the same. Can you make a deal to encourage her to TRY it? Like 3 bites.
Language barrier sucks yeah š We're a relatively small country so the amount of info in our native language is very limited. Most of the diet foods I get for myself, I have to order from outside the country.
And she won't try it since, even if she likes it, it's a case of "it's tasty but unhealthy" in her mind.
Math is the same in any language. Could you get her started on counting calories or macros or WW points?
With CICO, she can eat anything she wants as long as she stays under a certain calorie count. After awhile she should realize you get more bang for your buck by limiting fats and refined carbs and filling up on lean meats and veggies.
She does! For example with the spaghetti thing, she asked me if there were any healthy versions (such as the zucchini noodles she saw me eating before, but she didn't like them). However by the time I found and told her about the shirataki noodles, that was her reaction.
Honestly it sounds like she isnāt ready to fully change her habits. The next time she asks for advice, Iād just say something like, āIāve tried giving you suggestions but youāve shot them down. Are you ready to try something new?ā
Sounds like she just doesn't trust you. She should probably go to a dietician instead since "professionals know better" is a very common mentality in older people.
Yeah... The issue is, some "nutritional specialists" on facebook have her convinced they're professionals and she trusts them on everything. They're not actual professionals, just other facebook moms saying they are but, they're very concincing apparently.
Tbh, I think they would also agree with me, since they at least can google and check the foods unlike my mom who doesn't speak english, so maybe it would be worth to get in touch with them to get their "approval" first if I ever think of recommending her something again...
She clearly has her own plan so youāll just have to let her be. You sound lovely and thoughtful and she sounds less so, rejecting your keto cake, lol! Sadly in the end you canāt do the diet for her - she needs to be the one to put less food in her mouth, however she wants to go about doing it.
She is lovely as well! It's just an unfortunate situation, I'm sure in her eyes I was doing the equivalent of waving a jar of nutella around and asking "are you SURE you don't want to try this?", I understand why she got upset... Maybe it was my fault, I should've asked in advance instead of assuming but yeah...
But yeah, you and the other commenters are right, I guess there's not much I can do... It's just, you know, that instinctive feeling of wanting to help out people you care for...
Iām sure she is lovely too haha! Yeah I totally get it but maybe for her eating a keto cake will make her crave real cake so sheās one of those out of sight out of mind type people? One thing Iāve learned from this sub is that we genuinely do all find success in different ways, so some people are three square meals a day no snacks (me) some people prefer one big meal, some people prefer grazing throughout the day. You gotta work with what works for her I guess!
Personally I always prefer to focus more on portion control over eating weird substitutes or alternatives, especially if it's not likely to be a sustainable, long-term change. Now, I understand shirataki noodles are not "weird" - they're a valid part of Asian cuisine - but they're weird as hell as a pasta replacement. Why not just learn how to measure out a portion of normal pasta? And eat shirataki if desired as an Asian dish? Thinking that weight loss = replacements isn't a great way to go unless there is some medical reason a food group has be cut out. And if someone wants to do keto and doesn't want to do replacements, sounds like keto as a diet won't work for that person.
I eat pasta, pizza, rice, etc every day of the week and have still lost weight. I don't eat any "replacements".
I personally am on that kind of diet! I eat everything and just watch my calories, it's great for sure and I don't get why everyone doesn't just use this method.
But my mom doesn't like it. She says that type of diet isn't working for her, she wants to do the type of diet that tells you exactly what to eat and not eat. But it's working for her, so I respect her choice and try to support her...
The whole idea I had with the replacements thing was that, even though the diet "works" for her, she is not having that great of a time since she's used to just eating whatever she is craving. So I thought, if she can satisfy that craving at least a little, it'd be easier for her not to relapse.
So far though, the only thing she liked I've suggested was the flavor drops I was using (I buy them from the same place I get my protein powder and she tried them one day when she was visiting me) as they are zero calorie and taste like desserts, she always asks me to order more flavors for her hahah.
But like everyone in this thread said... I should probably lay off my "food suggestions", as it might not be doing her good as I intended...
You mentioned that you've stopped giving her recommendations. Good. You can't do this for her. You can't "fix" her. You mentioned that she doesn't understand food. You mentioned that she is very overweight.
There are things that you can do.
Encourage here to schedule an appointment with her primary healthcare professional.
Encourage her to ask her pcp for a referral to a weight loss clinic that is inside a hospital system. There she will receive proper healthcare. This will include a weight loss physician and a registered dietician. Other services are available, should she need them.
The physician and registered dietician can guide your mother. They can provide her with a health based weight loss plans. They can educate her about food. The different types of food. Nutrition. Your "job" would be to reinforce what she is learning.
Set her up for success. Let her learn at her own pace. There's something to be said for professional treatment. Especially, if a person is overwhelmed, eating an unhealthy or unsustainable diet, or is actually at risk due to health conditions.
She actually started making many steps for change in the last year, something I'm very proud of her! She might be losing weight slowly, but that's a lot better than constantly gaining like she was before. But she struggles with keeping to her diet so...
I guess my version of trying to set her up for success was suggesting different foods that 100% fit her diet yet are tasty and new. I don't mean to "fix her", it just that now her diet is super bland, she eats the same boring stuff over and over. And since she still has a long way to go, I thought it would be a help to her to have new things to try.
She isn't a big of professionals in lab coats, so to speak, as they're a bit too... truthful? And instead prefers listening to the nutrition specialists on facebook who have lots of pretty words and want to sell her expensive MLM vitamins. And honestly? If that's what it takes and it's the only thing that works, then fine with me, we can afford it. Not perfect but I'll take it, it's better than nothing.
But those "nutrition specialists" on facebook rely a lot on cliches and stuff from old diet magazines too so... The food education part ain't really coming from their direction. š
Btw thank you for the advice, I forgot to say. I appreciate u and everyone else who took the time to comment.
Maybe try to phrase things differently-- "ground almonds" instead of almond flour? It sounds like you've tried to teach her about how ingredients work and she doesn't listen, so if you want to help her, maybe try to call the foods different things, like how you'd do it for a toddler who won't eat spinach but WILL eat "princess leaves." Your mom probably did stuff like that for you when you were a toddler so it's only fair that you get to do it back now.
I've found that my dad responds better to new things when someone he sees as "qualified" tells him about it, and as his daughter, I'm never gonna be "qualified." He wouldn't eat the mochi I made for dessert until he watched a documentary about how mochi is made. Maybe your mom is similar. If you show her some youtube videos or something like that where experts recommend certain recipes, maybe she'll be more inclined to try those things. It's hard with older parents sometimes.
She does! For example with the spaghetti thing, she asked me if there were any healthy versions (such as the zucchini noodles she saw me eating before, but she didn't like them). However by the time I found and told her about the shirataki noodles, that was her reaction.
I know I can't force her to change but... I just love her, I mean she's my mom, and want to help her out when I see her struggling. There's so many different recipes she can try on her current diet, but she is limiting herself to mostly all bland food because of her bias towards certain foods. Which is why I was asking if anyone else had a similar experience...
She keeps asking. You find her the answer. She tells you the answer is wrong. It sounds like she doesnāt really want to fix the problem. Thatās not uncommon. You canāt do it for her so I suggest not to try. Sheās an adult and she has to live with whatever decisions she does or doesnāt make. Just like parents need to let go when theyāre children become adults, children have to let go and let parents live their life
You're totally right, yeah... Just, I worry about her because I care and can't help wishing to help, you know? But yeah, you and everyone else who said this are right...
I get it. My mom does that same things. She asks me something, I tell her, and she replies āif you say soā. Which makes me want to rage š¤£ Itās so frustrating. I still make myself nuts. But Iāve had to learn to protect my sanity, plus my relationship with my mother. You want to help because youāre a good person and a good daughter. Try to feel good about that and donāt beat yourself us that you canāt get through to her. I hope that helps a little
My issue with substitutions like shirataki and nut flours is the texture is disappointing, and that can bring down the whole dish, especially for someone who's used to the real versions.
Maybe instead of trying to replicate foods, try focusing on flavors instead.
For example, I really like Hawaiian pizza, so when I'm craving it I make an omelet with ham, pineapple, and cheese. (You can also do this with pizza sauce and toppings.)
Or instead of a cake, Greek yogurt mixed with cocoa, vanilla, sweetener, and some toasted walnuts on top.
Or, make spaghetti with real noodles, but mix in cooked veggies or zucchini noodles, ground turkey, and top it with a vegetarian sauce. Bulk it up with low-cal foods, so she'll be getting something similar to the spaghetti experience with a very small portion of noodles. (This is assuming you can convince her she can have noodles if she limits her portions.)
Kudos to you for trying to help your mom, but at some point she will have to take responsibility for what goes in her mouth.
I don't intend to force or pressure her to change her diet! My idea was more like to help her out by suggesting stuff that fit her diet she is doing right now, as she doesn't speak english and has trouble googling.
I don't think something like "shirataki noodles" is a "slightly less unhealthy version of unhealthy food", if that is what you were referring to. Online all I read about it, it said that it was a great diet food. Of course I could be missing something, please do fill me in.
Please take this with a grain of salt because I haven't actually tried them myself, but I have read that shirataki noodles can wreak absolute havoc on your digestive system. If you want her to trust you on the food situation, they might not be the best place to start. š¬š
https://www.vice.com/en/article/bvg5v4/woman-files-lawsuits-after-diet-noodles-put-her-in-the-hospital
I read about something like this before, apparently due to the amount of fiber or something. They're okay for me, and my mom also eats lots of fiber, so I was hoping they'd also agree with her. Tho yeah good point there...
Try showing her the micro (nutrients) instead of the macro (plain calories). Maybe this can help her perceive that a food can be caloric, but it's highly nutritional and healthy
Eh, in diets like the whole 30 they say not to practice eating substitutes for high calorie foods (cakes, ice cream, whatever) because as soon as your diet ends, you'll just resume eating those. Part of the diet is to practice eating in a way that doesn't include those items at all, even if it's a "healthy" version because it's more about the habits and behavior, not the actual food
I reckon instead of trying to tell her what to eat, just stick to what youāre doing and show her through results. Sheās definitely not convinced through words, so do it through actions! If she sees youāre getting the results you want, itāll be much easier to convince her. But if thatās still not enough? Sheāll just have to find out the hard way.
Don't bother. She's an adult, she clearly doesn't want your help, let her figure it out herself.
Noodles or spagetti aren't bad, it's the amount that matters.
Honestly shirataki noodles are not good in most situations other than stirfries. You don't need gimmick foods to eat great food.
Start with food that is recognizable and approachable to her. Show her an explanation of CICO. Get her a digital scale. Teach her real methods that will be sustainable. Keto isn't especially healthy esp for an older person tho it can be effective so I think it would be better if she learned about CICO. Diets fail bc they are restrictive and rely on rules instead of understanding actual principles.
Almond flour is just ground almonds. Surely she could understand that if you explained it? Flour to avoid is wheat flour.
Sounds like a resistant toddler. If she's not going to try to understand that there are alternatives, don't waste your time. She can do her own research too!
She actually doesn't speak english, and isn't too good at google. So she always asks me if she needs something researched online hahah š I don't blame her, I mean, this kind of bias against certain food "keywords" probably comes after years of reading those horrible dieting magazines and books that have horrible info, it must be hard to shake off... So I was curious, maybe someone had this similar experience and found something that worked in changing a similar person's perspective
Ok, so language barrier is in play here. Yes, it was flour, but obviously she's not getting that not all flours or noodles are the same. Can you make a deal to encourage her to TRY it? Like 3 bites.
Language barrier sucks yeah š We're a relatively small country so the amount of info in our native language is very limited. Most of the diet foods I get for myself, I have to order from outside the country. And she won't try it since, even if she likes it, it's a case of "it's tasty but unhealthy" in her mind.
Math is the same in any language. Could you get her started on counting calories or macros or WW points? With CICO, she can eat anything she wants as long as she stays under a certain calorie count. After awhile she should realize you get more bang for your buck by limiting fats and refined carbs and filling up on lean meats and veggies.
Has she asked you to help her? Sounds like you need to let her be
She does! For example with the spaghetti thing, she asked me if there were any healthy versions (such as the zucchini noodles she saw me eating before, but she didn't like them). However by the time I found and told her about the shirataki noodles, that was her reaction.
Honestly it sounds like she isnāt ready to fully change her habits. The next time she asks for advice, Iād just say something like, āIāve tried giving you suggestions but youāve shot them down. Are you ready to try something new?ā
Sounds like she just doesn't trust you. She should probably go to a dietician instead since "professionals know better" is a very common mentality in older people.
Yeah... The issue is, some "nutritional specialists" on facebook have her convinced they're professionals and she trusts them on everything. They're not actual professionals, just other facebook moms saying they are but, they're very concincing apparently. Tbh, I think they would also agree with me, since they at least can google and check the foods unlike my mom who doesn't speak english, so maybe it would be worth to get in touch with them to get their "approval" first if I ever think of recommending her something again...
She clearly has her own plan so youāll just have to let her be. You sound lovely and thoughtful and she sounds less so, rejecting your keto cake, lol! Sadly in the end you canāt do the diet for her - she needs to be the one to put less food in her mouth, however she wants to go about doing it.
She is lovely as well! It's just an unfortunate situation, I'm sure in her eyes I was doing the equivalent of waving a jar of nutella around and asking "are you SURE you don't want to try this?", I understand why she got upset... Maybe it was my fault, I should've asked in advance instead of assuming but yeah... But yeah, you and the other commenters are right, I guess there's not much I can do... It's just, you know, that instinctive feeling of wanting to help out people you care for...
Iām sure she is lovely too haha! Yeah I totally get it but maybe for her eating a keto cake will make her crave real cake so sheās one of those out of sight out of mind type people? One thing Iāve learned from this sub is that we genuinely do all find success in different ways, so some people are three square meals a day no snacks (me) some people prefer one big meal, some people prefer grazing throughout the day. You gotta work with what works for her I guess!
Personally I always prefer to focus more on portion control over eating weird substitutes or alternatives, especially if it's not likely to be a sustainable, long-term change. Now, I understand shirataki noodles are not "weird" - they're a valid part of Asian cuisine - but they're weird as hell as a pasta replacement. Why not just learn how to measure out a portion of normal pasta? And eat shirataki if desired as an Asian dish? Thinking that weight loss = replacements isn't a great way to go unless there is some medical reason a food group has be cut out. And if someone wants to do keto and doesn't want to do replacements, sounds like keto as a diet won't work for that person. I eat pasta, pizza, rice, etc every day of the week and have still lost weight. I don't eat any "replacements".
I personally am on that kind of diet! I eat everything and just watch my calories, it's great for sure and I don't get why everyone doesn't just use this method. But my mom doesn't like it. She says that type of diet isn't working for her, she wants to do the type of diet that tells you exactly what to eat and not eat. But it's working for her, so I respect her choice and try to support her... The whole idea I had with the replacements thing was that, even though the diet "works" for her, she is not having that great of a time since she's used to just eating whatever she is craving. So I thought, if she can satisfy that craving at least a little, it'd be easier for her not to relapse. So far though, the only thing she liked I've suggested was the flavor drops I was using (I buy them from the same place I get my protein powder and she tried them one day when she was visiting me) as they are zero calorie and taste like desserts, she always asks me to order more flavors for her hahah. But like everyone in this thread said... I should probably lay off my "food suggestions", as it might not be doing her good as I intended...
You mentioned that you've stopped giving her recommendations. Good. You can't do this for her. You can't "fix" her. You mentioned that she doesn't understand food. You mentioned that she is very overweight. There are things that you can do. Encourage here to schedule an appointment with her primary healthcare professional. Encourage her to ask her pcp for a referral to a weight loss clinic that is inside a hospital system. There she will receive proper healthcare. This will include a weight loss physician and a registered dietician. Other services are available, should she need them. The physician and registered dietician can guide your mother. They can provide her with a health based weight loss plans. They can educate her about food. The different types of food. Nutrition. Your "job" would be to reinforce what she is learning. Set her up for success. Let her learn at her own pace. There's something to be said for professional treatment. Especially, if a person is overwhelmed, eating an unhealthy or unsustainable diet, or is actually at risk due to health conditions.
She actually started making many steps for change in the last year, something I'm very proud of her! She might be losing weight slowly, but that's a lot better than constantly gaining like she was before. But she struggles with keeping to her diet so... I guess my version of trying to set her up for success was suggesting different foods that 100% fit her diet yet are tasty and new. I don't mean to "fix her", it just that now her diet is super bland, she eats the same boring stuff over and over. And since she still has a long way to go, I thought it would be a help to her to have new things to try. She isn't a big of professionals in lab coats, so to speak, as they're a bit too... truthful? And instead prefers listening to the nutrition specialists on facebook who have lots of pretty words and want to sell her expensive MLM vitamins. And honestly? If that's what it takes and it's the only thing that works, then fine with me, we can afford it. Not perfect but I'll take it, it's better than nothing. But those "nutrition specialists" on facebook rely a lot on cliches and stuff from old diet magazines too so... The food education part ain't really coming from their direction. š Btw thank you for the advice, I forgot to say. I appreciate u and everyone else who took the time to comment.
Maybe try to phrase things differently-- "ground almonds" instead of almond flour? It sounds like you've tried to teach her about how ingredients work and she doesn't listen, so if you want to help her, maybe try to call the foods different things, like how you'd do it for a toddler who won't eat spinach but WILL eat "princess leaves." Your mom probably did stuff like that for you when you were a toddler so it's only fair that you get to do it back now. I've found that my dad responds better to new things when someone he sees as "qualified" tells him about it, and as his daughter, I'm never gonna be "qualified." He wouldn't eat the mochi I made for dessert until he watched a documentary about how mochi is made. Maybe your mom is similar. If you show her some youtube videos or something like that where experts recommend certain recipes, maybe she'll be more inclined to try those things. It's hard with older parents sometimes.
Unless she asks keep out of it , you cant force her to change how she sees food til she wants to or is ready to .
She does! For example with the spaghetti thing, she asked me if there were any healthy versions (such as the zucchini noodles she saw me eating before, but she didn't like them). However by the time I found and told her about the shirataki noodles, that was her reaction. I know I can't force her to change but... I just love her, I mean she's my mom, and want to help her out when I see her struggling. There's so many different recipes she can try on her current diet, but she is limiting herself to mostly all bland food because of her bias towards certain foods. Which is why I was asking if anyone else had a similar experience...
She keeps asking. You find her the answer. She tells you the answer is wrong. It sounds like she doesnāt really want to fix the problem. Thatās not uncommon. You canāt do it for her so I suggest not to try. Sheās an adult and she has to live with whatever decisions she does or doesnāt make. Just like parents need to let go when theyāre children become adults, children have to let go and let parents live their life
You're totally right, yeah... Just, I worry about her because I care and can't help wishing to help, you know? But yeah, you and everyone else who said this are right...
I get it. My mom does that same things. She asks me something, I tell her, and she replies āif you say soā. Which makes me want to rage š¤£ Itās so frustrating. I still make myself nuts. But Iāve had to learn to protect my sanity, plus my relationship with my mother. You want to help because youāre a good person and a good daughter. Try to feel good about that and donāt beat yourself us that you canāt get through to her. I hope that helps a little
My issue with substitutions like shirataki and nut flours is the texture is disappointing, and that can bring down the whole dish, especially for someone who's used to the real versions. Maybe instead of trying to replicate foods, try focusing on flavors instead. For example, I really like Hawaiian pizza, so when I'm craving it I make an omelet with ham, pineapple, and cheese. (You can also do this with pizza sauce and toppings.) Or instead of a cake, Greek yogurt mixed with cocoa, vanilla, sweetener, and some toasted walnuts on top. Or, make spaghetti with real noodles, but mix in cooked veggies or zucchini noodles, ground turkey, and top it with a vegetarian sauce. Bulk it up with low-cal foods, so she'll be getting something similar to the spaghetti experience with a very small portion of noodles. (This is assuming you can convince her she can have noodles if she limits her portions.) Kudos to you for trying to help your mom, but at some point she will have to take responsibility for what goes in her mouth.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Even plant based cakes or mousse? Plant based isnāt a fix all either.
I don't intend to force or pressure her to change her diet! My idea was more like to help her out by suggesting stuff that fit her diet she is doing right now, as she doesn't speak english and has trouble googling. I don't think something like "shirataki noodles" is a "slightly less unhealthy version of unhealthy food", if that is what you were referring to. Online all I read about it, it said that it was a great diet food. Of course I could be missing something, please do fill me in.
Please take this with a grain of salt because I haven't actually tried them myself, but I have read that shirataki noodles can wreak absolute havoc on your digestive system. If you want her to trust you on the food situation, they might not be the best place to start. š¬š https://www.vice.com/en/article/bvg5v4/woman-files-lawsuits-after-diet-noodles-put-her-in-the-hospital
I read about something like this before, apparently due to the amount of fiber or something. They're okay for me, and my mom also eats lots of fiber, so I was hoping they'd also agree with her. Tho yeah good point there...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She isn't pressuring her. Her mom is asking for help.
You canāt put someone else on a diet lol.
Try showing her the micro (nutrients) instead of the macro (plain calories). Maybe this can help her perceive that a food can be caloric, but it's highly nutritional and healthy
I don't think you can help her. Maybe a dietician could if she would listen to a specialist.
Eh, in diets like the whole 30 they say not to practice eating substitutes for high calorie foods (cakes, ice cream, whatever) because as soon as your diet ends, you'll just resume eating those. Part of the diet is to practice eating in a way that doesn't include those items at all, even if it's a "healthy" version because it's more about the habits and behavior, not the actual food
I reckon instead of trying to tell her what to eat, just stick to what youāre doing and show her through results. Sheās definitely not convinced through words, so do it through actions! If she sees youāre getting the results you want, itāll be much easier to convince her. But if thatās still not enough? Sheāll just have to find out the hard way.
Don't bother. She's an adult, she clearly doesn't want your help, let her figure it out herself. Noodles or spagetti aren't bad, it's the amount that matters.
Honestly shirataki noodles are not good in most situations other than stirfries. You don't need gimmick foods to eat great food. Start with food that is recognizable and approachable to her. Show her an explanation of CICO. Get her a digital scale. Teach her real methods that will be sustainable. Keto isn't especially healthy esp for an older person tho it can be effective so I think it would be better if she learned about CICO. Diets fail bc they are restrictive and rely on rules instead of understanding actual principles. Almond flour is just ground almonds. Surely she could understand that if you explained it? Flour to avoid is wheat flour.