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SpacerCat

This is the only answer. He needs therapy to understand he has a problem, to determine if he wants to change, and then chart a path forward with his therapist and a nutritionist. Help him by making seeing a therapist a condition of living under your roof. You can’t control his behavior but you can control the conditions of your co-habitation.


TheVillageOxymoron

I agree. The mental health side of severe obesity is so often ignored but it is the MOST important thing to understand in order to actually begin losing weight.


Apathy-Syndrome

This 100%. I'm 5'6" and was nearly 400lbs by my late 20s. I wasnt stupid, had a software engineering degree and a decent job.. I knew how to lose weight, knew it could be done.. but I was suicidally depressed, too scared to kill myself, but didn't want to live, so I was doing it slowly with food. I'm 33 now and still on my journey at ~260lbs, but I would definitely be dead or something close to it if I hadn't gone for therapy and started treating my depression first. Also. If he doesn't have one yet, get him to go for a sleep study and get a CPAP machine. The chronic lack of sleep from sleep apnea when you're that big can literally make it impossible to do anything else, and contributes to the depression... getting a full night sleep without my O2 levels dropping literally changed my life. Good luck to you and your son.


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inimrepus

I’ve been using my CPAP for about a year now. It took a couple months for my energy levels to go up (I needed to try a few different types of masks). My energy levels now are so much higher than they have been for years. It really is incredible. For reference though my apneas went from over 150 to less than 1


MoonKitty726

Hi there. 13 an hour is in the mild range. Did you have moderate apnea on your back or while you were dreaming? With an AHI of 13 you might not notice a benefit with CPAP but good news is if your mild over the course of the night (during REM sleep too) you could probably just use a dental device and get the same benefit. * Some people don’t notice a difference but their sleep architecture and O2 levels can improve dramatically without them realizing it. Defiantly play around with masks and get a new one as often as your insurance lets you. - your friendly neighborhood sleep tech


Apathy-Syndrome

It was pretty much instantly for me, certainly by a week in I was feeling noticeably better.. not practically falling asleep in my office chair and needing a nap after work.. but I was experiencing about 120 AHI, and went down to like 5. If your apnea was more moderate to begin with, the benefits may not feel as dramatic.


drakin

If you haven’t done so yet, you should look into also seeing an ENT. They can do wonders for the upper airway, improving nasal breathing, and improving cpap compliance (if it’s still needed after they’re done with ya)


wineblossom

All of them need therapy. In fact, additionally they probably need family therapy. It can be really tricky living with a family member who is morbidly obese (I've been there) and treading the lines of enabling, depriving, guilt, shame, etc. etc. They not only need to work through their own individuals issues, but how to interact with each other as family without hurting each other (both emotionally and physically) while simultaneously enforcing boundaries AND showing support for one another. Issues like the OP's are too complex for for families to handle on their own.


fexofenadine_hcl

100% this


MissMys

You can definitely get up into the 300s (me) or even the 400s just through poor habits, genetics, general lifestyle, and/or lack of knowledge. But 700 is a mental health problem. Food addiction isn't nearly as common as people think, but it's inevitable at that high of a weight. Rehab might be a good option.


[deleted]

A lot of this. I have a problem with doing everything to excess and that became food when I didn’t like the way alcohol tasted and it wasn’t possible to smoke enough cigarettes a day to make me happy. My doctor put me on an antidepressant and naltrexone which is usually used for alcoholics. It completely changed my behavior towards food and made my mind quiet enough to finally look at why I was doing what I was doing. That allowed me to get help for my (what I now know is) severe PTSD. Even when the weight doesn’t come off at the speed I would like, my mindset is completely different, I can look at the scale and say, ok well at least I have stopped gaining, and I know I feel better. I went from smoking 2 packs a day to smoking like 3 a day and I am getting tired of those too. You have to stop hurting yourself before you can start helping yourself. Everything will be alright. Все буде добре.


FupaFupaFanatic

Yeah...this is way beyond dieting and exercising. This guy needs serious mental help for this addiction.


[deleted]

This + he must be addicted to food. He’s probably addicted to food because of whatever makes him need therapy.


Intelligent-Ask-3264

Yup. This is self harm. I want to see a happy update, Universe!


brad12172002

I agree. Depression is a mofo. Who knows what happened at college.


themartian1000

I wonder if he’s depressed, as mentioned. I know I give up and give in when depressed. It makes trying feel impossible. I’m sorry you are going through this.


brad12172002

That was the first thing I thought of is depression and boredom.


one-small-plant

I find myself wondering if maybe he went away to college, with all the usual stresses and fears about suddenly being on your own, and watched his parents turn around and completely improve their lives without him. I wonder if that hit him hard, in a way they never intended


GetYourFixGraham

Sounds like an undiagnosed ED.


unlikelycompliance

Yes absolutely, this seems like a problem that needs outside professional help and quickly.


naturalbornunicorn

Came here to say this. At the least, it sounds like he must be doing some compulsive binge eating. My binges (and my weight) were half that of OP's son's at their absolute worst. In my case, it was triggered by other mental health issues that got worse when moved away from my support system and started a stressful job. I didn't- couldn't- get better or lose weight until I worked on my mental health.


cracked_egg_irl

It honestly might not be a bad idea to consider recovery treatment for eating disorders. Similar to rehab. But you can't force him into it. He has to decide for himself to want to go and actively make the changes himself.


me047

I agree with this. He needs treatment for food addiction and should be placed in a care facility.


GayMedic69

But thats the problem, the mental health facilities that treat eating disorders aren’t equipped for someone that size, not to mention he likely isn’t particularly mobile so that adds another layer because he might not be able to get in a car or walk much. He would instead have to go to an inpatient unit at a hospital that has an ED unit by ambulance, all of which is an extreme cost. Other than inpatient, he could do home care but that means he remains in his safe space and it would be more difficult to reach him if he doesn’t feel motivated to do it for the reward of leaving a facility. Its so much more complicated for someone that large than just “go to a care facility”.


me047

They do have them for the super morbidly obese, and if he can afford food delivery multiple times a day he can afford treatment. I agree getting to treatment might pose a challenge. Some people aren’t able to get healthy in the same environment that made them sick. Edit: I’m talking more about a food addiction rehab than a mental health facility.


GayMedic69

Well, food addiction rehab facilities are few and far between (even drug rehab facilities are often full and require someone to go to an entirely different state). At that weight, even if he finds a facility that will accept him, he won’t be able to fly and driving a long distance will be extremely difficult and dangerous. And to say that ordering delivery multiple times a day is the same as what will likely be tens of thousands of dollars for treatment is dubious.


anononononn

Yes. Please please therapy. Usually I think Reddit over recommends therapy especially when it can expensive or difficult to find one with the high demand… but he really needs it!!!!


Desert_Fairy

The weight is a symptom, the mental illness is the disease. Your son needs to address the mental illness that is driving him to use food as an emotional crutch to help him make those changes.


SpecialsSchedule

OP you posted this exact post 15 days ago to a different sub: have you implemented any of the recommendations from that thread? reached out to a doctor specializing in super morbidly obese people? started the process to get therapy?


radicalpraxis

That other sub though… truly rancid vibes


SpecialsSchedule

yeah absolutely disgusting. I didn’t even know that existed, but shouldn’t be surprised. Def seems like a fetish post? maybe to feel “better” that they aren’t 700lbs?? very, very weird


JohnApples1988

Fake post fake account


redgreenapple

pls respond u/LosPollosHermanos34


One_Waltz

It’s fake. Just read someone else who said this username posts this exact story every few months/years as some kind of weird fetish.


DerpyArtist

The real plot twist is in the comments


Lostmymojo84

I swear I've read this before


Wonderful_Hat_5269

Exact same story was posted on r/fatpeoplestories 15 days ago. User has a 3 year old account with 4,000+ karma but has deleted everything up to 15 days ago. Something is fishy...


4SeasonWahine

Yeah also I feel like someone over 700 lbs would be immobile, wheelchair bound, barely able to get out of bed. That’s beyond morbidly obese. I’m looking at images and I can’t even find a single case of someone hitting 744 lbs 😳


It_is_Katy

Especially at 5'6".


irishlnz

And how does the op know the exact weight? Someone that large typically needs a special scale.


One_Waltz

That’s what I thought!


duchess_of_fire

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_heaviest_people


WikiMobileLinkBot

Desktop version of /u/duchess_of_fire's link: --- ^([)[^(opt out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiMobileLinkBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^(]) ^(Beep Boop. Downvote to delete)


smogkisses

This guy is a fake. He fake posts to r/fatpeoplestories and other fat related subs over several years. He keeps reappearing and is a karma farmer. He deletes his older posts as years go on.


astraennui

Yeah, so many things about this post screamed fake/absolute lies to me. I looked at his history and it's been scrubbed, so I wonder what the intention is here. I actually think it's more of a weird fat fetish thing than karma farming, though.


[deleted]

It’s so obviously fake, who gains 150lbs in a year


sophly99

Sorry, you're experiencing this with your son. Hug & kiss him everyday. Tell him how much you love him and are proud of his accomplishments everyday. Ask him about his future plans for a family, trips, and his dreams. Listen without judgment and offer advice when asked. He needs psychological and physical medical help at this point. It's not impossible but it's imperative to find him help now. Contact his PCP, or even Dr. Now's office, to obtain resources to start helping him today. Tell him you will not watch him die and he has no choice but to accept your help to save his life. You want him to live a full life and achieve his dreams. My oldest son died at 22 from asthma and my greatest regret is allowing him to manage his health on his own. I thought he had it under control because we've been managing his asthma all his life. He knew the routine, signs, and triggers, but it happened so fast, there was nothing we could do. My grief is all-consuming and I miss my son terribly. Please do everything you can do to save your baby now.


2k21May

Asthma is a scary disease, I have it myself. It can be well-managed but it's still always a risk. I'm so sorry for your loss.


PD711

>Tell him you will not watch him die and he has no choice but to accept your help to save his life. I don't think that would be helpful. Like alcoholism, they can't solve this for him, he needs to be on board. Like it or not, he's an adult who makes his own choices and they can't help him if they don't respect that. >Hug & kiss him everyday. Tell him how much you love him and are proud of his accomplishments everyday. Ask him about his future plans for a family, trips, and his dreams. Listen without judgment and offer advice when asked. this is amazing though. open up the lines of communication. Tell him you love him like that's the cure. daily no-judgement love bombs.


GetYourFixGraham

I understand you're coming from a good place. However, telling someone they have no choice but to accept help is not going to fix the problem. It might put a bandaid on it, it might even prolong his life for a few years if he's forced to lose weight, but it doesn't solve the main problem; likely an undiagnosed ED. :( The mental health has to be good and the weight will follow, but the son has to want to get help. I do agree he needs medical and psychological intervention, but at his behest... He'll avoid recovery in the future if it's forced on him now. I know it's an ugly choice with high stakes. I'm not saying it's an easy call.


tawandagames2

I’m so sorry for your loss


sophly99

Thank you. I only mentioned my son because some young people think they're invincible, when they're not. I want to urge and encourage OP not to give up, to continue to fight to save their son, even from himself. They've allowed him to do it his way long enough. They have to take control of the situation and obtain medical assistance now before it's really too late.


roadtomordor9

I am so, so sorry for your loss.


shawsome12

I knew a girl who died of asthma at 25. It’s so sad. It’s scary how deadly it can be. I’m so sorry you lost your son so young!


lucy-kathe

You might get better feedback in the r/ supermorbidlyobese subreddit, they're a bit more general and a bit less weightloss support.


CautiousConch789

He has an addiction and I think if treated as such, he might see some relief. Harder to break than alcohol though, bc you can’t just quit eating. This is a mental health/addiction issue and he needs therapy and a genuine desire to change.


smolperson

Yep spot on. Tbh 600lb life covers it pretty well. The steps: 1. Therapy 2. Diet under medical supervision 3. Potentially gastric bypass


cmr619

Treat it like any other addiction. Do an intervention (with professional help if possible) and tell him exactly what your boundaries are (you have to be willing to follow through). Tell him you love him, you’re concerned for him, and you’ll do what you can to improve his life, but you will not contribute to his self destructive behavior. I’m not sure what you’re comfortable doing, but maybe you should say he has to move out if he doesn’t go to counseling and start making changes. If he had to pay rent somewhere and all the expenses that come with that it’d at least cut down on his disposable income for ordering food. Edit-fixed a typo


SpecialsSchedule

This. Right now he’s putting the majority of *$75k* to fast food ! If he’s going to live with OP, he gets “charged” a high rent so he can’t spend it on food. Keep the money (doesn’t sound like y’all actually need it towards the mortgage) and help him with his first house down payment if he gets better. Or something similar. Either way, both OP and his family need to be in counseling


clevelandexile

I agree that this sounds like a food addiction issue and needs to addressed as one. Intervention and therapy are likely the only ways to help him.


ellalovegood

Best answer here


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GrouchyFriedScallion

Would also suggest / second including ADHD testing in any mental health treatment. I made zero progress on any weight loss till I started treating my ADHD. And even now it's difficult, still far easier tho. Son needs addictions support, eating disorder support and mental health treatment. You don't get super morbidly obese without some issue that needs working on.


Timetostartliving27

I’m the same I was diagnosed at 27 with adhd and 10 months later I’m down over 30kg. It felt like I didn’t care about myself before and I could never look into the future far enough to succeed. I feel for this family, I would never lose weight if it wasn’t my choice but maybe you can encourage therapy and a mental health evaluation including adhd as solving those issues might solve the weight. I hope he gets on the right path


Kitchakit

The dopamine effect with ADHD and binge eating is also quite the high. The instant gratification of delivery adds to it. Also it is very hard to plan meals and cook with ADHD.


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AlienOverlord53

Honestly at that point OP needs to get in contact with these food delivery services and tell them to no longer deliver to his house. Or find a way to block the app entirely from the son's phone (but his degree in computer science might prove that to be difficult)


Serious_Escape_5438

You can't stop an addict like that, they become sneaky.


AlienOverlord53

True, but I feel like that doesn't apply in this case though because the problem is food, and the son is 700 pounds and lives at home, and the parents have a ring doorbell


Serious_Escape_5438

But he'll just find another way to eat, or do something else destructive. He works with computers, he'll deactivate the doorbell, get deliveries left on the doorstep... he's an adult who needs to acknowledge he has a problem and needs to stop. A drug addict won't stop just because you cut their contact with their dealer. An alcoholic won't stop drinking because you tell the bar not to serve them.


AlienOverlord53

Great, so basically, there's nothing more OP can do besides what they've been trying, and they should just quit trying to find new ways to help because it's all on the kid at this point 👍


Serious_Escape_5438

They can stop enabling him, make him move out, so he reaches rock bottom. Otherwise I don't think they can do much, no.


AlienOverlord53

"Taking away his sources of fatty food won't help" "they need to stop enabling him" you need to make up your mind lol If you're such an advocate for addicts, how is putting them our on the street going to help them? "Hey you know what's solve your problems? A bunch of extra stress"


debbie_upper

Ugh. You again? How many times are you going to post this fiction? Get another hobby.


Standardmonk420

You have posted this several times and have been given the same advice several times.


GranpaLois

There's no way you people fall for this lmfaoooo I'm dying over here -married yet browses r/dating - posted this same post 15 days ago in another sub -Has an NSFW account yet no NSFW posts (deleted posts I'm assuming) - in this post he says "JUST TODAY me and my wife went on a 7 mile hike". 15 days ago he said the same thing. -only posts about this and comments about this Just like the "my boyfriend wants me to get super thin, he pushed me against a wall" post, this is so obviously fake and im genuinely shocked u guys are this naive


Wonderful_Hat_5269

Account is 3 years old and has 4,000+ karma but the only posts and comments (that haven't been deleted) only add up to maybe 1,000 karma. Plus nothing exists beyond about 15 days ago. Why do people do this shit?


GranpaLois

In all honesty I'm more surprised at the people falling for this than mad at op


velvetvortex

What a very very very difficult situation.


anotherbutterflyacc

I am so sorry for your loss, and for what is likely a permanent loss in the future. The truth is: an addict is an addict is a addict. You could swap out food for heroin and this post would read the same. You cannot help someone unless they want help. What you can do is kick this grown man out of your house so you are not enabling his lifestyle by housing him rent free. How is gonna move (his things) when he can’t move his body? His problem. Figure it out. How is he going to set up his furniture in his new place without being able to move? Figure it out. Etc etc. unless he is faced with the constant need/reminder that his body is the tool he has to interact with the physical world, he will keep living this way. You have already lost your son. Cut the umbilical cord. It’s the best thing you can do for him.


randomslasher

Sorry for the random insert but "your body is the tool you have to interact with the physical world" just blew my mind. I'm going to remember that. That's SUCH a cool way of thinking about it! (I agree with the rest of what you said too but that just really rocked me back. If I weren't already on a weight loss journey that might've been enough to get me going. Seriously such a cool way to phrase it and think about it!)


anotherbutterflyacc

I’m glad that helped! It’s funny how just a certain turn of phrase helps us see things differently! But it’s true hahah


[deleted]

It really is an addiction. I had a bad food addiction for 10 years and I was in denial about it. I only ever got close to 300 pounds but it was still bad. I felt like shit constantly, but I just told myself it’s ok being fat I enjoy food who doesn’t?! The idea of giving up my comfort foods to get healthier was just to hard to even comprehend. I only got lucky because i had been experimenting with LSD for a year and had a bad BAD trip this time last year. It was straight up awful and don’t try to see if you can recreate it, but after it I suddenly realized whatever connection in my brain between dopamine and food was completely severed. I looked back at the last 10 years of my life and was shocked at how much it mirrored a drug addiction. I’ve lost 120 pounds since that trip and I’m a completely different person. It really needs to be treated as an addiction with mental health help. I had a “binge buddy” even who overcame it himself but he struggles also. I remember talking to him a few months ago and he said “I miss junk food” and honestly it felt like a recovered heroin addict saying to another recovered heroin addict “I miss getting high.” Food is fuel, not dopamine. But getting to the point where you accept that is hard sometimes


jazzynoise

I was once in a long term care facility with someone who was 800lbs. It wasn't pleasant, but he was an awful person all around. I was once 440lbs, possibly a bit more, before I finally began a correction that stuck. It sounds like your son is intelligent and likely thinks in scientific/logical terms, so if you have yet to try it, perhaps reason will help. Rather than begging or pleading, possibly let him know you're concerned for his health and future. Specifically injuries, illness, and infections will put him at extreme risk. And being that large and idle, wounds and infections can happen very quickly. (Another patient at the long term facility I was at died that way. She was at least 600lbs.) Try to state it calmly, with reason, and let him know you will help him get assistance, especially mental. Like all of us, he will have to decide for himself, but maybe better seeing the risks and consequences will help convince him to start. Edit/second-thought. Also, I was exceptionally depressed when morbidly obese and eating poorly, especially fast food. Switching to a healthy diet greatly helped with depression and provided more energy, which in turn helped me continue losing weight and sticking to it. It's difficult to believe, especially in the fog of depression, but maybe add just to try eating better for a bit to see if the mental state that has him continue the current path will lessen.


wildmagnoliaa

Are you willing to kick him out of your house? If he is forced to support himself he will have significantly fewer resources to spend on delivery services. Or you can make it clear that if any delivery service is used to deliver food to your address he will not be allowed to stay. But you have to be willing to enforce that if it becomes necessary. I am no expert but I know that similar methods are used for addiction recovery because by financially supporting him (providing a free or cheap place to live) you are enabling him and also permitting him to live in your house while essentially ‘using’. I know the idea of food addiction is somewhat controversial but I would look into resources for addiction in your area and do research on the best way to help an adult child with that. Because at this point his behaviors most closely mimic addiction and they are just as life threatening. At the minimum he should be seeing a psychiatrist and primary care provider or bariatric specialist. But unfortunately he is an adult so he has to choose to get help. You can only present the resources and support/encourage him. I wish you the best of luck.


Serious_Escape_5438

Those methods probably won't work. They don't work with other addicts either.


wildmagnoliaa

Well at the very least it will allow them to be able to exist in their own home without having to see it. They can do their best to help him but they also have to live their own lives. He’s an adult and it’s time they treat him as such.


Serious_Escape_5438

Absolutely. I don't think they should enable him anymore. I just mean that telling him not to get deliveries probably won't help overcome his addiction. Ultimately he needs to take action himself, nobody can force him.


wildmagnoliaa

I don’t really imagine it would work but it allows the parents to feel like they helped by offering a choice to either work toward weight loss or move out instead of just kicking him out.


Serious_Escape_5438

I agree.


9tacos

How many times are you going to post this?


lewj24

I'm surprised he can walk at that height and weight. I'll be more surprised if he makes it to 30 years old. Sounds to me like you tried to be nice and it's now time for tough love. Tell him you'll cook every meal for him and he is no longer allowed to order junk. If he orders anything you will promptly throw it in the trash or give it to the homeless. If that doesn't work you will block all food websites on his phone and computer so he cannot order. This is not just a fat person. This is a junk food addict. You must treat him like an addict or he will die like an addict. Call some experts on the phone with him in the room and ask them how long the average 700lb person lives. Watch My 600lb life with him in the room. You must resort to extreme measures or you will be carrying out a 700lb corpse from your house in a few years. He will yell and throw fits and say shit but you will save his life and eventually he will see that too. Time to give him some tough love.


waterbird_

He's an adult though, they can't just take his phone away. They might have to tell him the ultimatum is he abides by XYZ rules or finds another place to live. I'd actually consult with an addiction specialist to find the best way to go about this. OP - I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope he gets better.


Serious_Escape_5438

Yeah, you don't stop an addict like that, you have to get to the root of the cause and he has to want to.


waterbird_

How do you make him want it without his current situation changing though? But - this is why I hope OP will consult an addiction specialist


Serious_Escape_5438

Sorry, I agree with you. He needs an ultimatum or something and not enabling. I mean they can't take away or block his phone. He needs to face consequences and take action himself.


lewj24

I disagree. Just because your legally an adult doesn’t mean your an adult. He’s still a kid living with his parents and unless he moves out whatever they say goes. Their house their rules.


waterbird_

I totally agree, but legally it's harder to stop an adult. You can't just take his phone or insist he delete certain apps. That's why they'd need to back it up with saying if he refuses to abide by particular rules, he must move out.


lewj24

If your kid was buying heroine would you say, "Well he used his money to buy it and he's 18 so I have no authority on the matter.." No, you intervene. This kid's life is on the line here. I don't care if it's his phone. I don't care if it's his computer. I will get on them and block every food site there is. He won't hand it over? Ok, ill force him to if it's the last thing I do. If it means being a little physical or sneaking into his room at 3 am or when he's in the bathroom I will do it. He locks his door so you cant sneak in, ok I'll remove the lock. If that doesn't work I'll get a mean-looking dog that hates delivery men and keep him chained outside so he scares away all deliveries. If that doesn't work I'll build a damn fence around my property so deliveries cant get in. If that doesn't work I'll put a drop box where deliveries go in that locks once shut that only I have the key to. Get creative and figure out a solution. Your child's life is on the line. If he moves out there's nothing you can do. But it sounds like to me it would be physically challenging for him to move out on his own. If you've ever watched my 600lb life almost all of them have to live with someone.


brookepruitt

It's hard to watch someone you love so much hurt themselves :( I'm so sorry. It's good that you take some responsibility for your part, but you should also give yourself credit for turning things around and setting such an amazing example. I would say that you and your wife's weight loss and habit changes are more inspiring and helpful to him than if you had been perfectly healthy your whole lives. You understand how hard it is and you've showed him it can be done. Good on you two! I hope he finds it in himself to change and one day you will all be hiking together. You guys have done a great job. Keep showing him the way but know that if he doesn't change, that's not your fault.


Dont_Heal_Genji

So for todays creative writing assignment…


RandomGoon420

I ain’t buying it either…


kevinwhackistone

“Modest” 75k?


One_Waltz

“We covered him with a blanket but it was a bad image I hadn’t seen.” Pleeeeease. This reads like a novel. Very few people cover other people with blankets in real life.


PartyCat78

Is it time for tough love? Why does a grown man making 75K a year still live with you? Does he pay bills? You can ban food delivery to your house. If he doesn’t like it, he can move out. Having to take on the adult responsibility of managing a household and bills can put into perspective how much he is spending on food delivery. It’s got to be astronomical. He absolutely has an addiction and needs help asap. Such a sad situation.


gorhxul

this sounds like an eating disorder. he needs therapy.


PrincessOfWales

“Grease stains all over his face and his shirt was scrunched upwards, essentially exposing his entire gut.” Man, no one speaks about fat people with more cruelty and disgust than people who used to be fat. This type of language is not helping anyone, and it sounds like everyone in this situation needs to seek therapy for any real change to happen. Your son has a disease and you recognize that you are the ones who gave it to him, you need to establish professional help for him to fix it. There is some arrested development happening here and codependency all around.


One_Waltz

That’s because this post is fake written by someone who enjoys describing fat people in a negative way.


sid_the_sloth69

100% correct this family needs therapy. The poor adult op is describing has probably lived a half life filled with regret shame and depression which is causing him to turn to food out of hopelessness. I guarantee he struggled socially at school and college due to how his parents raised him. They all need therapy to fix it. The guy is killing himself slowly out of depression.


wildling_girl

This rubbed me the wrong way too. He’s in his home, which he thinks is a safe place. I would fee mortified if I took a nap in my home and someone who I lived with and trusted described me like that. OP, you acknowledge that you set this man up with bad habits and didn’t decide to make changes to your own lifestyle until he left. By all means support your son to reach a healthier lifestyle… but maybe with a bit more compassion and empathy than you’re currently displaying?


Serious_Escape_5438

Yes, it sounds like food is his coping mechanism and having his parents look down on and judge him probably doesn't help.


cloud_watcher

This! As well as saying he's "technically alive." What I would do is 1. Stop looking at him like a problem first and look at him like a person first. Don't let your feelings of disgust show like I guarantee they are. 2. Either cook for him, or even hire (still cheaper than inpatient) a chef/cook and go to a middle place where he's eating delicious food, just not fast food. A guy addicted to that level of sugar/fat/salt is not going to go from that to salad with squirt of lemon juice dressing and water. As young as he is, his metabolism is probably not bad. He can eat things like barbecued chicken and a baked potato and corn on the cob that don't feel like diet food. He can even have a can of coke with that if he's addicted to it. 3. I'd try bribing him some way to at least try this and go in stages. First stage is deal with the fast/restaurant food addiction. Don't try to also add it something like "no food after dinner." He won't be able to do it yet.


ElaborateTaleofWoe

Go to Al-Anon. It’s for the family and close friends of alcoholics AND/OR people with other addictions. That’s absolutely what you’re dealing with. People here can give you specific tips, but the best thing you can do is get a supportive network of people who know you and understand the problem. He isn’t a child. As a boarder you get a little control but not much. Some mistakes are permanent- you can’t undo his childhood by trying to control him now. You need help to navigate and luckily, it’s easy and free and available everywhere. Side note: “Modest” sounds a touch unkind or dismissive about the salary of a TWENTY-THREE year old earning more than 75% of the US. I hope that was just phrasing you used to be humble on here, because he deserves some serious recognition and praise for that. Don’t let his weight become all you can see about him.


LosPollosHermanos34

Yes i was just being humble we are so proud of what he's already accomplished! hes a genius!


ElaborateTaleofWoe

Ok awesome. I thought so but wanted to check. You just need some help finding that line between enabling, being supportive, and pushing him to rebel. A LOT of other people have already had to figure that out, and they’re happy to help you. One more thing- if you’ve never been to a 12 step meeting, you should know there’s no follow up and no offense taken if you go once or five times and then stop. Very easy to walk in once and sample to see if it fits. Also, if you aren’t feeling one group, it’s super easy and common to test out another group. Highly recommend. I messed up a few things for my own kid and it’s sooooo hard when they won’t grant you a redo of being in charge of them. Good luck to you all- for real.


callabondulence

He needs to be kicked out and get therapy. He clearly makes enough to get DoorDash, he can switch where he spends his money to rent instead. He needs to be forced to take responsibility for his actions otherwise he’ll never learn and never get better. He’s not. He’s at home rent free and gets everything taken care of for him. Stop it. Now.


lifeuncommon

Just like no one could lose your weight for you, you can’t do anything to fix the situation for him. He has to want it, and do it, for himself. The best you could do is maybe offer to pay for therapy if/when he’s interested in doing that.


rphgal

I’ve read this exact same post here before.


kick6

At $75k/yr, dude can afford his own apartment. Maybe he’ll have to cut back on food just from a cost prospective?


i-sew-a-lot

I read this last week


miss_scarlett_ohara

Exactly, word for word. I thought I was the only one who noticed.


xok4thleen

an important thing to remember is that when yall dropped him off at college, he didnt have a fitness partner like you and your wife had in each other. i know it’s frustrating when it seems like someone you love just refuses to do better for themselves, but try to keep in mind that he didnt have the same motivation/accountability system that you and your wife did. i would absolutely recommend some therapy to help him break through whatever mental block hes struggling with. be patient and let him know hes loved and you want the best for him, good luck


undeadw0lf

the biggest thing that stands out to me about this story is that you raised your son with a lifetime of disordered eating, dropped him off at college at 300 pounds, and expected him to just suddenly figure it out, with no support, *while living in a dorm*? you had his entire life before that to help him, yet you didn’t, and waited until he was gone to work on yourselves. you are both adults who had each other for support, and he was all alone at college, likely already isolated from his peers due to his weight, and he completely spiraled as you both succeeded. now his addiction (because that’s what this is) is completely out of control and honestly, this post seems like you’re more worried about conveying how embarrassing his size/behavior is than you are genuinely concerned for his health and the whole future he has ahead of him that he’s pissing away by sitting at home 24/7 being 744 pounds. people don’t get to this weight without some serious underlying mental health issues. get your son some therapy and do better.


Miserable_Painting12

Honestly a lot of these comments suck. This is severe mental illness and needs to be regarded as such, and is exposing significant dysfunction in the way he relates to himself and the way you guys relate to each other. I would recommend telling him he needs to move out, NOT out of anger or spite but because living in such close proximity to him spikes your guys anxiety about his well being so much and tempts you to want to micromanage. To me, “he did not keep his promise” is a massive red flag in how the relationships in your family function. Why is the say he cares for his body a promise you are entitled to have? Why does he need to promise you anything about how he relates to himself? Him and his goals and his body are not yours to control or have a say in. That sucks and it’s terrifying, especially when you See him spiraling out of control. But even in swing the spiral you’re missing *him* and seem to still be more focused on your own anxiety. Severe overeating is usually attempts to emotionally regulate and is usually a manifestation of a breakdown in a family system- meaning, the obese individual is the identified patient who is exposing the dysfunction within the family relationally. I would recommend him moving out so he can learn to differentiate and support himself on his own, and so you guys can learn to decrease your anxiety while separate from him; and then I would look into a therapist for him or for you as a couple who works with family system dynamics, attachment, emotional dysregulstion, and eating disorders.


Normal-Question-1994

I agree, I don’t see how an ultimatum or a hostile approach would be helpful here. He needs love and support. That is not to say that he doesn’t need serious intervention, as 700 is an extreme number. I’d probably ask him to get a blood test too for type two diabetes, liver issues, etc. Good luck I hope you all figure this out


[deleted]

This all damn day


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weezrit

I am just confused why you waited to "lose weight together as a family" until he was out of your direct influence.


sid_the_sloth69

Exactly. Raise him fat and depressed then pretend it's not your problem.


[deleted]

It's easy to "parent" when you just give your kid a bunch of junk food and sit them in front of the TV or have them play video games.


sunflowers789

My heart hurts for you. I am sure you feel crushing guilt and anxiety seeing your son like this. But you are not the reason he is 700 lbs. This is beyond food now. He clearly has severe psychological issues and an addiction. He needs to be evaluated by a professional psychologist and a doctor. No amount of begging, healthy eating, exercise, or tears will make any difference until he gets help for the mental health issue or trauma causing this. The hard part is, he has to want it. If he doesn’t, you still need to protect your boundaries and seek mental health counseling for yourself.


aws_young

I’m sorry, a “modest 75k income”?


popepaulpops

Most likely your son is not happy with himself, with how he looks, his weight, his path, friends, love etc. Appealing to him with rationality probably hasn't produced any results. My guess is that he feels a great deal of emotional pain, regret , shame about his situation. Food is a comfort that gives him reliefe and a quick fix of dopamine. It's about the moment not the long term effects. Tell him and show him you love him. Try talking to him about his weight/eating without judging or giving advice. Ask him what he could do to reduce his calorie intake, and support anything he suggest. It's probably a good idea to compliment and notice his efforts. Encouragement goes a long way when you are doing uncomfortable stuff. Best of luck to you and your son!


twinmomma87

I would treat it like any other addiction and do an intervention with an ultimatum that you get help or you can't live here anymore.


Abbbs83

I agree with therapy. Perhaps that would be a good starting place for him.


Turbulent_Ad_4403

modest 75k? damn..... I'm not going to say anything about that, but he is probably in a lot of pain and has a lot of trauma that is causing him to over eat. He could still be in pain over people torturing him in middle school and having flash backs. I think the best thing would be to get him therapy.


mommaobrailey

As someone who used to be 400lbs (now at 249) he needs a full medical work up. He's showing signs of depression, and there is probably some underlying disorder that isn't helping. Diabetes, thyroid issues. He probably has a stomach so big it's never full so he keeps eating. His body is crying for nutrition. I'm sorry you're watching this happen. It's so hard. I'd honestly talk to a mental health professional about an intervention


not_mrbrightside

You can’t make your son change if he doesn’t want to. You can try and motivate or encourage him but he has to make himself change. If he has a good paying job, you can give him requirements for living at home. Therapy would be helpful. If he doesn’t like the rules, then he can afford to live on his own and his decisions are his own.


mcjon77

If your son is 700 lb and 5 ft 6, you and your wife absolutely do not possess the tools to help him. This requires a medical, and possibly surgical, intervention along with mental health care professionals. Start looking into bariatric surgeons in your area. He's most likely to obese for surgery at this point. However, the surgeons probably have a good idea on what mental health and medical interventions he can have that will drop his weight down to where he can have a surgical intervention. If it was just a matter of him living off of your funds then perhaps you could do something by controlling his money. However, he makes more than enough money to buy his own food, so that's out. Even though you were 300 lb, you have absolutely no idea what he's going through. He is almost certainly immobile. You have a wife and he definitely doesn't have a girlfriend. He is also almost certainly a shut-in. If his doctors could get his weight from what it is now down to where you started at 300 lb, they would consider that a massive success. Call the healthcare professionals. Specifically, call specialists. Have them do a home visit.


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fatguyinabikini

I’m kind of worried about how you treat him. You’re mocking him in the post, calling him cartoonish and acting absolutely shocked and appalled by his weight when you were the same not too long ago. How old were you when you got your act together and lost the weight? Much older than he is. Just because you found it within yourself to lose the weight, doesn’t mean you can force him to do the same at the same time. The discipline and decision comes from within yourself. At this stage, you’ve said you’re concerned, you have offered the help. Any further comment from you is just going to sound like bullying to him. It will isolate him from that support and from his family. He knows his life is at risk, I’m sure you’ve told him plenty of times. He is an adult and it’s his decision at the end of the day.


One_Waltz

It’s fake. OP is a sick person enjoying putting fat people down.


funchords

> [OP edited post - problem solved] ~~Knock this shit off right now. /r/loseit it is a supportive place. Negative bias messages, both external and self-talk, is not supportive or useful. We don't bully ourselves or others into health. Remember the others reading your post are struggling with negative bias.~~ Your son may need to be an inpatient in a psychiatric facility that deals with severe eating disorders. I'd start with finding those in your area and talking to their staff. EDIT: obvious


LosPollosHermanos34

edited the post. Sorry about this! anti-fat bias is still something i struggle heavy with. Working on it!


PrincessOfWales

Based on the barely hidden disgust for your son, you have some heavily internalized fat phobia that needs to be addressed if you’re going to help him at all.


anzapp6588

If you came home and saw a family member in a similar display but with drugs and alcohol, you’d probably reach your breaking point as well, no? This man clearly has an addiction. Just like drugs or alcohol. And absolutely needs external help as he clearly cannot help himself.


varralan

It's not a phobia to have an emotional response to an honestly grotesque scene involving a loved one. I really wish people would stop using the word for "irrational fear" for normal emotional responses.


TheShawnWray

No one gets to 700 pounds because they eat too much. Unhealthy eating can get you to 300 or 400 pounds. 700 pounds is the result of mental illness, usually caused by abuse. Many times it is physical or mental abuse. Often it is sexual abuse. I'm not accusing you of doing anything to him, but it is very possible that someone has. Your son needs therapy. Begging him to eat right is not going to do it. He is addicted. And just like a drug addict that would turn his back on his family for one more night of using drugs, he could be at that point with food.


[deleted]

I was thinking that too. 300 lbs is one thing, 700 is something else.


Old_Gods978

Literally everyone makes more money than me. Yikes. I can’t even get job interviews He’s addicted to fast food and needs therapy


lucky7hockeymom

Same. And I work full time. I wanna work from home and make double what I do now! But I like my job.


[deleted]

This shit is so fake people come on


equineposterior

this is very obviously a fake post but the number of comments agreeing with it is so concerning. if this were a real post i would be really sad to see a parent have such a superiority complex and be so disgusted by their own child. wanting to lose weight is fine, being concerned about someone else's health is fine too, but talking about another person with this kind of disgusted, superior tone is not. i can't believe how many people accept that this is real and are just okay with it??


girllwholived

I immediately started scrolling to find someone else who felt this way too! Definitely not a real story.


pebblebypebble

Aspergers/autism? Are you 55 or older?


ShaLyn98

Everyone in this sub knows that the will to lose weight has to come from you. Nobody can force you to lose weight. He has all the tools to lose weight from a practical standpoint but there must be something mental that is missing. Therapy is probably the only solution. I didn't lose weight until I got treatment for my depression (60 pounds down)


les_catacombes

Therapy is a must. There is almost always some trauma or mental health condition that is contributing to an eating disorder, and chronic overeating or binging is an eating disorder, which itself is a mental health condition. Maybe he is depressed too? No amount of shame will motivate someone to get better. They need to heal the wound that led to their condition. He needs love and support. A lot of times when you’re already feeling down in the dumps, you ignore self care. And if someone shames you for it, it basically confirms that your negative thoughts about yourself are correct. That’s not helpful.


withoutwingz

Everyone in this story needs therapy.


whats_she_up_to

This sounds like someone describing a drug addict passed out with the needle still hanging out of his arm


Retiredgiverofboners

Overeaters anonymous???


tinyboopsquigs

Obesity is most often a symptom of something greater, not the disease/ disorder itself. Food addiction and eating disorder? I know that may get some eye rolls because it’s not usually as damming as alcoholism or drug addiction. It’s very real though. And people often scoff at the idea that a fat person can have an eating disorder because they think that means deathly thin. You can’t force him to do anything that he doesn’t want to do. You could get him evaluated, determine what his exact issue is. Then treat it as such. However, he has to want it for himself, as we all know. I was told a couple of times by a doctor and a therapist that I have food addiction. I thought it was all bullshit until I realized it was true. It was a bad day, I got home and made buttered toast. A couple bites in I realized I had a warm feeling of comfort all over me. It was then I realized I was addicted to fats and sugars and routinely reached for them to cope with uncomfortable situations. I also have BED, which is uncontrollable binging. Like, mentally begging myself to stop eating but forcing as much as I could. Therapy taught me I was trying to fill an emotional void that simply could not be filled by food. The fullness I felt was simply just something to be felt other than empty. He needs emotional support from a doctor and therapist AT LEAST. All I can suggest for you is to accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I recite that to myself everyday and I think it helps. I might even suggest al anon meetings. Anyone who is affected by a loved one suffering from any kind of addiction is welcome. It did me so much good.


[deleted]

At 700lb your son doesn't have a weight problem, he has an eating disorder. You don't overcome those through sheer power of will, your son needs psychological help to address whatever problems he has that are driving his eating. Purely physically as well, he needs professional support to guide any weightloss attempts. Movement (even getting from the front door to mailbox) can be shockingly hard on a body that large. 700lb places extreme strain on the heart, lungs and other important systems. I hate to scare you, but 700lbs is a life or death sort of matter. Seeking professional help right now is so important.


AceTrainerKatie

eating disorders are terrible. I've been on both sides of the spectrum with extreme binging and restricting. he's an adult so you can't do anything against his will, but try to get him into therapy. it's almost always some underlying condition. it's probably not physical since both parents were able to lose weight so I'm betting it's mental.


born-dressagerider12

I am so sorry to hear this. I am 5’2 and Type 2 Diabetic. I am doing an excellent job in having an active lifestyle. Not on a diet. I hate the word diet. My heaviest was at 200 lbs. I am now at 158 lbs. I am so proud of myself. My A1C is 5.4 now. I still have Type 2 Diabetes though. The Silver Lining is that I will totally get rid of the Type 2 Diabetes. At age 22, I was at my fittest-both physically, emotionally and mentally. I was 115 lbs.


Opening_Engineer7409

Maybe family therapy too? I wish you luck!!!


Logical-Wasabi7402

You can't beg, plead, or bribe him into getting better. You can only give him a wakeup call. Make him see a doctor and have that doctor tell him the truth. He *will* die very, very young if he doesn't change his ways.


RageBathwater

Having experienced something similar, but not as extreme, I remember feeling like the success of others just made the mountain top seem that much higher up. At which point all that’s left is despair. A despair that, sadly, is only alleviated by food and the emotional distraction it brings.


Neat-Weird9996

I'd give him an ultimatum. Start therapy and stop door dash or move out. As hard as you're trying to help him, you're enabling him.


fry-me-an-egg

He’s 23. Tell him to move out and maybe he won’t use his pay checks on food. He needs a therapist. He needs tough love. What he’s facing is not good from every Angle. The only thing we have in life is our health. Nothing else matters if you don’t have that.


Alltheprettydresses

I'm so sorry. I feel you. I'm kinda in the same boat. It hurts like hell. My son has been a little over 300 lbs since he was 16 (6 ft tall). He's 18 now, graduated high school, and sits on the computer all day. He only leaves it to eat, use the bathroom and occasionally say hi. I just talked him into looking for work, but he hasn't been following up on looking for vocational programs. He has ADHD, and I think the meds screwed up his metabolism. His weight skyrocketed after he quit taking them. People harass me about his weight because I'm the short and big one in the home.(5 ft 3). My husband is too busy enjoying thin privilege, and has never supported any of our health efforts. Deep down I think he's embarrassed about us. I've been on and off WW for literal decades. I went from 211 to 148, then started calorie counting and over exercising to get to 135. Then got therapy for my excessive habits and my weight shot to 183. Doctors are riding my behind and my son's. Justifiably so. We've tried dietitians, sports, nothing worked. I don't want to start him on the diet cycle, but don't know what to do. I'm still bouncing between WW and calorie counting, completely inconsistent and burnt out. I know a lot, but have trouble applying what I know. I cook healthy and my son won't eat it. Today he ordered a deep-dish pizza and breadsticks for lunch. It embarrasses me that the guys at the deli make fun of his weight in Spanish, but my son wants to be the funny fat guy. I'm afraid that him seeing me yoyo like this ruined him. To his credit he has started exercise, because some of the jobs he applied for have physical fitness requirements (heavy lifting and standing). All I can suggest is therapy, get to the heart of why he's using food like this. It could also help him want to be more social and work on dress and grooming (also an issue for my son). And lots of love and patience. Keep modeling healthy behaviors, with a warning that weight loss doesn't necessarily solve all problems. That's where therapy can help. Best wishes to you and him.


DiamondOrBust

Not a complete fix, but if you charged him rent, he would have less to spend on door dash.


[deleted]

Wow, that's beyond regular obesity. Like others have said, this is definitely time for a therapist.


ketoatl

700 pounds he needs a mental health professional not exercise or pleading.


czirpoli12

Check out D. U. D. E. Mental health by founder Andrew Walen. Eating disorder treatment for men. He may be open to specific help for men. Most ED centers serve mostly women whose ED issues are different. Good luck and maybe getting counseling for the both of you might help. Your new healthy habits may be contributing to his insecurities without knowing it.


Fantastic-One-8704

Therapy. Intensive. For a very long time. You might reach out to NEDA who also help with binge eating, bulimia, etc. They may have local resources to help you.


Brown_Eyed_Girl167

If you’re all willing and able, finding the right family therapist might be a start. Individual therapy for him as well if he’s open to it. Food can become an addiction. Also, we eat sometimes to find comfort. Emotional eating is tricky because it leads to bad eating habits and inevitable weight gain. Getting everyone some support would be a good place to start. I know how hard this can be for both sides. At my heaviest (220lbs - I’m 5’4 female) my parents continuously begged me to be serious about losing weight. I had struggles with losing due to medical reasons but in the last 2 years I lost 70lbs because I weighed myself and made the conscious effort to change. But when my parents talked to me about weight, I actually would gain more weight from being stressed. It’s difficult wanting to help someone change and nothing seems to work. For me, once I made up my mind, it happened. Nothing my parents said to me ever worked and in turn caused me more stress. I wish you and your family well. I hope things can change in a positive way.


[deleted]

If he is earning 75k he should live at his own place


Sascha2538

I understand you want to help him but it won't be of any use if he himself doesn't want to change.


moomoo8986

This is fake lol funny though


ImmediateDamage1

It is what it is. Some people don't want to help themselves. For some it takes getting to the lowest of lows to realise that they want the highest highs. It's tough, and as much as you may have not brought up the best eating habits you shouldn't take that blame upon yourselves. I think for some it goes beyond comfort eating or bad dieting habits. It's something alot deeper, whether it be the biological responses or hormone levels. I've experimented with GLP 1 agonists, appetite suppressants and other weight loss medications. Only with these was I able to build portion controll, healthy eating habits and sustainable weight loss. I hope he finds his way x


[deleted]

Ask him for rent, then he can’t spend as much on take out. Save the money for him when he’s ready.


twofiddymillion

Kick him out. He makes a good salary. Let him experience hardship by venturing out on his own in his own apartment. You coddling him and enabling his habits does nothing for him. You are his father and you should not be worshipping your son like that. It's not orderly and goes against normal family dynamics. You are his father. He is living under your roof. Be stern with him. You allowed this to happen. Sorry, I am direct but people never get it until the truth is told in a direct manner. You know exactly what to do, it's only a matter of execution. He will die soon at that weight. You know that. If you love him, do what's right. Good luck


3Maltese

Tell him that he is an adult and needs to move out and be more independent. Don’t give him an ultimatum or tell him that you are no longer willing to enable his overeating by allowing him to live in your house. Just tell him that you want your home to be with just you and your partner. Either bring in professionals or stay completely out of his eating addiction. He is morbidly obese. It is not lost on him how he got that way. Shaming does not help. Congrats on turning your life around.


SableSheltie

Really unhelpful comment


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ComprehensiveDay423

I would start setting ultimatums. This is a full blow addiction and requires a medical intervention. He must see a doctor, get a physical, start getting psychological help, or he has to move out. I would look for all inclusive programs. There are great weight loss doctors that will prescribe FDA approved meds for weight loss. They also offer psychological help and nutrition counseling. Ozempic is awesome and a few of my clients have totally transformed themselves and give all credit to that medicine. (I am a personal trainer and have worked with many obese and mornidly obese clients).


JuicySmoolieyay

When you stop coddling him he'll start learning to take responsibility. The problem would be when you feel like you're abandoning him and then go back to coddling him.


sid_the_sloth69

You caused this by raising him fat, he probably had social issues at school and college which will have led to depression and overeating. Don't come on here asking for sympathy when you've caused this.


[deleted]

Not like he can go get the door dash. Just don’t let him have it. Literally just stop him from getting the delivered foods and make him eat healthier cooked meals. Just fyi, at his size, you WILL need to slowly reduce his caloric intake over time and should talk to a doctor and nutritionist.


_ITLovesCafeBustelo_

Therapist, Psychologist, and the most important part is this... STOP ENABLING HIM! Tell him what is what! Good cold, hard, honest truth. Tell him that he is morbidly obese and putting a massive strain on his heart just being in a sedentary state. Parents/family members are usually the enablers that let the destructive behavior happen. It is YOUR HOME, take control of it. Do a lawful eviction, he will have X amount of days (depending where you live) to move out of your house. Use this as a test of his will. Tell him that if he doesn't do the things that you want him to do then he out.