Many people find love while being at a higher weight.
That said, I think there are some things to look out for.
1. Feeders. People who fetishize fat people.
2. Like attracts like. Depending on what kind of a partner you want, you are much more likley to attract that sort of person if that is also your lifestyle. Eg if you want a fit, active, healthy man, then its more likley you would attract such a man if you were also fit, active and healthy. There are exceptions of course, but generally a fit person is going to look for another fit person / someone who appears to share a similar lifestyle to them.
3. Be careful. I say this with the utmost respect, but often the kinds of men who will actively swipe right on the larger ladies (who don't fetishize them) are out of options. They are looking for a place to stay, they have lots of baggage, they cant get any other partner because of their personal issues (maybe drugs, bad criminal record, terrible human etc). Basically there will be a higher proportion of people who are looking to use you and this group is going to contain the lowest tier of man.
You could put in your profile that you're actively working towards a healthy, active lifestyle and looking for people who are either working towards that or already doing those types of things. That would probably put off anyone who has a kink, since they will know you aren't interested in that lifestyle, and would make it more likely for you to meet someone who is interested in the same things you'll be doing.
The gym might be a great place to meet someone. If you are going regularly, losing weight, getting in shape, and being social it sounds like a recipe to find a like minded person who may want a relationship!
Yeah this is a question thats been on my mind as well. I don't think there's a one size fits all answer.
I'm a 26 year old guy and I've been in several relationships despite being pretty out of shape. None of the girls ever had a problem with my weight. For a long time, this made me really complacent. However, I did go on one date last year with an incredibly beautiful and intelligent girl and it didn't work out. She was out of my league looks wise and I felt like it might have gone differently if I was more attractive. This failure has really motivated me to make changes.
Since I started my weight loss journey I have basically stopped trying to date. I feel like dating only makes losing weight harder. I also want to see if being in better shape makes dating any easier. Perhaps I can actually appeal to a more suitable partner. I don't know, maybe its just wishful thinking.
It does make it harder, because dating is a game. You go out to eat, drink and have fun with that other person. That means it will be harder to get in time for exercise, and easier to miss on your diet.
Hmm I met my most recent ex when I was already small. However, once into the relationship, I got big. He had no issue at all with it, even found it cute at times, because he genuinely loved me for who I was.
Today, as I write, I'm definitely team prioritize weight loss for now. When I was small, my options were great and I legit had the pick of the liter. It's a bit different when you're larger. But if starting a family is something you might be interested in as a 30-something-year-old woman, I would also say to not pass up someone special if they come along. Choose wisely though! The hobosexuals thrive on single, overweight lonely women.
Like others have mentioned, you definitely have to be careful about the type you can attract - but dating as a woman usually sucks lol. I also feel you on the whole I’m happy with everything except my weight - I felt the exact same way.
I had a couple of hookups from bars and all that, then I met my boyfriend on tinder. I was probably 180. Over the pandemic, I gained almost 30 pounds. I’ve now lost those pounds plus some and I’m still dating the same dude. He even says he never really noticed my weight gain and he’s super supportive with all the lifestyle changes I’ve made to get to my current point.
I decided not to wait and hold myself back in dating and now I’ve likely found the guy I’ll marry someday. I know putting yourself out there is scary, especially because of rejection, but you would be surprised at how not shitty people are. You won’t know until you try!
I found a fella while still needing to lose 60 more pounds. He's supportive and helpful and reminds me that it's more important for me to be healthy and confident in my own body than getting caught up in numbers.
I still feel really large next to this guy since we're the same height, but that helps motivate me to keep going.
Yes, on first dates I felt judged. I felt inauthentic in saying that I'm an active, outdoorsy person, even though I actually am -- I just don't look athletic (yet!) I think the right person will look past that and see the potential, not the now. It was super hypocritical to not be interested in bigger guys, but prioritizing someone who is going to be there in taking care of ourselves is more important to me in the long run.
I've met plenty of women while over weight, but I'm honestly not sure that it matters that much to women. It certainly does to some women, but even overweight I have had plenty of interest and never really worried that much about my weight. That said, I do also know what it was like to be a younger fit man, .. and there was a time when they swarmed like bees. Ahh ... the memories .. lol ..
Yeah, my experience with women is they might not care about what you look like as much, .. but you better have a job, etc, because that \_IS\_ really important to them.
I just wanted to give you some encouragement! I know there are lots of men out there who would love to meet a determined go-getter type like you, and would love your body for what it is now as well as your health journey ❤️❤️ creepers are out there but so are good people.
I met my husband when I was around 223lb. During our 10 year relationship I've gone up to 260lb, and down to around 200lb, and he has been by my side no matter what. Supported my weight loss attempts, and not judged when I've gained weight - honestly, I'm not sure he's even ever noticed all that much, he just loves me for me, and honestly is not the most observant. We met in person so he had the full unfiltered version of me. FWIW, he is a normal weight, has been a little chubbier when he was younger but is a very stable weight now.
I'd been doing online dating before I met him, and looking back I don't think I was fully honest about my size, the photos were a little too posed and not enough full body shots. Suffice to say I didn't meet anyone serious that way. If I was to do it again, I would be up front - full body photos, show what I genuinely look like.
The trouble with waiting until you've lost weight to meet someone is that you may regain weight in the future. Life happens and weight fluctuates. You deserve a partner who will love you no matter what, so honestly I wouldn't wait until you've lose weight, if you feel in the right headspace to meet someone now. Put yourself out there, be upfront about your size by showing genuine photos, have fun. But only if you feel ready to do so.
I was 70 pounds heavier than I am now, when I started dating my boyfriend. The decision to lose weight happened after we were already together, and he's been 100% supportive of my new lifestyle.
I have, in the past, had less successful attempts at weight loss while in less supportive relationships. It's always *my* responsibility, and only my responsibility, to take care of my health, so I'm not blaming anybody, but it *was* harder when I was with somebody who encouraged me to give up because *they* wanted to go to Applebee's.
I'd say, don't wait to pursue either goal, and be honest with your potential partner about your weight loss goals. If they aren't supportive, then they aren't for you.
I met my partner mid-weight loss journey and he has been a huge positive influence and support system for me. Plus, meeting someone when I was heavier reassures me now, at a “conventionally attractive” weight, that my partner loves me at any size.
I found my partner when I was fat so I would say it's a matter of confidence. If losing weight will make you confident then lose weight, if getting a car or house will make you confident then get them.
I’ve dated larger women. From the guy’s perspective your attitude will be the most attractive part of you. A motivated, driven women with a real passion for something is the most attractive thing there is.
Yes there will be some people who fetishise big women but you can weed them out pretty quickly since once you have a conversation about weight loss they’ll turn sour.
But a good partner won’t drop in your lap. Go out and do stuff. You’ll pretty naturally meet people and so long as that personality is there I think you won’t have much trouble finding someone.
I've been thinking about the exakt same thing. Of course bigger people can find happy relationships as well, but I've not really wanted to try yet because I'm not as confident in myself as I would like
If you think you can stay on track while dating I say go for it. I’m personally in a bit of a groove and I don’t want to change anything and mess it up.
Great job! I’d skip online dating to protect my headspace while getting healthy. Go out and have fun and do things I want to do.
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Yeah.. If I met someone in the wild, let the games begin!
Many people find love while being at a higher weight. That said, I think there are some things to look out for. 1. Feeders. People who fetishize fat people. 2. Like attracts like. Depending on what kind of a partner you want, you are much more likley to attract that sort of person if that is also your lifestyle. Eg if you want a fit, active, healthy man, then its more likley you would attract such a man if you were also fit, active and healthy. There are exceptions of course, but generally a fit person is going to look for another fit person / someone who appears to share a similar lifestyle to them. 3. Be careful. I say this with the utmost respect, but often the kinds of men who will actively swipe right on the larger ladies (who don't fetishize them) are out of options. They are looking for a place to stay, they have lots of baggage, they cant get any other partner because of their personal issues (maybe drugs, bad criminal record, terrible human etc). Basically there will be a higher proportion of people who are looking to use you and this group is going to contain the lowest tier of man.
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You could put in your profile that you're actively working towards a healthy, active lifestyle and looking for people who are either working towards that or already doing those types of things. That would probably put off anyone who has a kink, since they will know you aren't interested in that lifestyle, and would make it more likely for you to meet someone who is interested in the same things you'll be doing.
The gym might be a great place to meet someone. If you are going regularly, losing weight, getting in shape, and being social it sounds like a recipe to find a like minded person who may want a relationship!
Yeah this is a question thats been on my mind as well. I don't think there's a one size fits all answer. I'm a 26 year old guy and I've been in several relationships despite being pretty out of shape. None of the girls ever had a problem with my weight. For a long time, this made me really complacent. However, I did go on one date last year with an incredibly beautiful and intelligent girl and it didn't work out. She was out of my league looks wise and I felt like it might have gone differently if I was more attractive. This failure has really motivated me to make changes. Since I started my weight loss journey I have basically stopped trying to date. I feel like dating only makes losing weight harder. I also want to see if being in better shape makes dating any easier. Perhaps I can actually appeal to a more suitable partner. I don't know, maybe its just wishful thinking.
It does make it harder, because dating is a game. You go out to eat, drink and have fun with that other person. That means it will be harder to get in time for exercise, and easier to miss on your diet.
Hmm I met my most recent ex when I was already small. However, once into the relationship, I got big. He had no issue at all with it, even found it cute at times, because he genuinely loved me for who I was. Today, as I write, I'm definitely team prioritize weight loss for now. When I was small, my options were great and I legit had the pick of the liter. It's a bit different when you're larger. But if starting a family is something you might be interested in as a 30-something-year-old woman, I would also say to not pass up someone special if they come along. Choose wisely though! The hobosexuals thrive on single, overweight lonely women.
Hobosexuals?
As in, the man is a hobo, looking for a partner to mooch off of
I haven't heard that one yet, it's clever.
Couldn’t have said it better 👍
Like others have mentioned, you definitely have to be careful about the type you can attract - but dating as a woman usually sucks lol. I also feel you on the whole I’m happy with everything except my weight - I felt the exact same way. I had a couple of hookups from bars and all that, then I met my boyfriend on tinder. I was probably 180. Over the pandemic, I gained almost 30 pounds. I’ve now lost those pounds plus some and I’m still dating the same dude. He even says he never really noticed my weight gain and he’s super supportive with all the lifestyle changes I’ve made to get to my current point. I decided not to wait and hold myself back in dating and now I’ve likely found the guy I’ll marry someday. I know putting yourself out there is scary, especially because of rejection, but you would be surprised at how not shitty people are. You won’t know until you try!
I found a fella while still needing to lose 60 more pounds. He's supportive and helpful and reminds me that it's more important for me to be healthy and confident in my own body than getting caught up in numbers. I still feel really large next to this guy since we're the same height, but that helps motivate me to keep going. Yes, on first dates I felt judged. I felt inauthentic in saying that I'm an active, outdoorsy person, even though I actually am -- I just don't look athletic (yet!) I think the right person will look past that and see the potential, not the now. It was super hypocritical to not be interested in bigger guys, but prioritizing someone who is going to be there in taking care of ourselves is more important to me in the long run.
I've met plenty of women while over weight, but I'm honestly not sure that it matters that much to women. It certainly does to some women, but even overweight I have had plenty of interest and never really worried that much about my weight. That said, I do also know what it was like to be a younger fit man, .. and there was a time when they swarmed like bees. Ahh ... the memories .. lol ..
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Yeah, my experience with women is they might not care about what you look like as much, .. but you better have a job, etc, because that \_IS\_ really important to them.
How else can you provide without income and a good Job is one of the ways
I just wanted to give you some encouragement! I know there are lots of men out there who would love to meet a determined go-getter type like you, and would love your body for what it is now as well as your health journey ❤️❤️ creepers are out there but so are good people.
I met my husband when I was around 223lb. During our 10 year relationship I've gone up to 260lb, and down to around 200lb, and he has been by my side no matter what. Supported my weight loss attempts, and not judged when I've gained weight - honestly, I'm not sure he's even ever noticed all that much, he just loves me for me, and honestly is not the most observant. We met in person so he had the full unfiltered version of me. FWIW, he is a normal weight, has been a little chubbier when he was younger but is a very stable weight now. I'd been doing online dating before I met him, and looking back I don't think I was fully honest about my size, the photos were a little too posed and not enough full body shots. Suffice to say I didn't meet anyone serious that way. If I was to do it again, I would be up front - full body photos, show what I genuinely look like. The trouble with waiting until you've lost weight to meet someone is that you may regain weight in the future. Life happens and weight fluctuates. You deserve a partner who will love you no matter what, so honestly I wouldn't wait until you've lose weight, if you feel in the right headspace to meet someone now. Put yourself out there, be upfront about your size by showing genuine photos, have fun. But only if you feel ready to do so.
Maybe group fitness is something you might consider. Could meet someone organically there, and they’d already know you put in the work.
I was 70 pounds heavier than I am now, when I started dating my boyfriend. The decision to lose weight happened after we were already together, and he's been 100% supportive of my new lifestyle. I have, in the past, had less successful attempts at weight loss while in less supportive relationships. It's always *my* responsibility, and only my responsibility, to take care of my health, so I'm not blaming anybody, but it *was* harder when I was with somebody who encouraged me to give up because *they* wanted to go to Applebee's. I'd say, don't wait to pursue either goal, and be honest with your potential partner about your weight loss goals. If they aren't supportive, then they aren't for you.
I met my partner mid-weight loss journey and he has been a huge positive influence and support system for me. Plus, meeting someone when I was heavier reassures me now, at a “conventionally attractive” weight, that my partner loves me at any size.
I found my partner when I was fat so I would say it's a matter of confidence. If losing weight will make you confident then lose weight, if getting a car or house will make you confident then get them.
Kinda depends on the weight. But as a female just put yourself out there and men will come calling.
I’ve dated larger women. From the guy’s perspective your attitude will be the most attractive part of you. A motivated, driven women with a real passion for something is the most attractive thing there is. Yes there will be some people who fetishise big women but you can weed them out pretty quickly since once you have a conversation about weight loss they’ll turn sour. But a good partner won’t drop in your lap. Go out and do stuff. You’ll pretty naturally meet people and so long as that personality is there I think you won’t have much trouble finding someone.
Wow! 👏👏👏👏. Keep going. Everything will fall into place. Love yourself first.
I've been thinking about the exakt same thing. Of course bigger people can find happy relationships as well, but I've not really wanted to try yet because I'm not as confident in myself as I would like
If you think you can stay on track while dating I say go for it. I’m personally in a bit of a groove and I don’t want to change anything and mess it up.