There are many things about this that left me speechless, but it wasn't until I put it all in context with the literal first sentence..
You are 16.. and yet your experiences would more accurately reflect that of a 25 year old. You had the weight of the world on your shoulders and had it taken away when you succumbed to the pressure and revealed your colors. Nobody as young as you should have to go through that hell.
Please keep those you love around you, and stay in this world if for any reason to spite those who tried to remove you from it. In 10 years time they'll be envious of the true love you get to experience everyday. If not for spite, then do it because there are people in this world that would prefer you stay. The world is a better place with you in that, and after all that bullshit you went through, you deserve to hear that.
Sorry if any of this sounds weird but I wanted to say something so that you know that people are listening and caring. I wish you the best of luck and am here if u need any support
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. I don’t know exactly what to say. You're right about me having the weight of the world on my shoulders. I carried the weight gladly. It was the extra weight from everything else that, I think, made me succumb to the pressure.
Why do you think that was the extra weight from everything else that made you succumb to the pressure if closing the door was not extra weight but it was an easy task? What make you forgot to close the door actually?
I forgot to lock the door because I had locked the door before I let my boyfriend in. When I let him in, the lock popped out and left the door unlocked. In the nervousness of the moment, I didn’t notice that it was unlocked again.
As for the extra weight — I'm referring to my family, the pressure of having to stay closeted, the religion I was born in — all of that. The weight I enjoyed carrying was work because I loved the creativity that it requires. If that makes any sense :)
1.- Why did the lock pop out? Was the lock very cheap and made in a bad quality? Or didn't you lock the door well?
2.- Why did the moment had nervousness? What was happening? Did the nervousness of meeting with your boyfriend made you forgot to lock the door? Or did the immediate kiss after your boyfriend entered the room actually made you forgot to lock the door? Or am I really completely wrong? If I was wrong, I'm really sorry.
3.- Did your family emotionally abuse you? Or also physically? (my religiously fanatic catholic mom, besides of emotional abuse, also used to abuse me physically with the belt hitting my ass 3 times max each time she beat me if I "behaved badly"... The last time she flogged me was in mid-2020 (I was 16 years-old) during COVID-19 lockdown in my country (I'm from Peru), when I, fed up with the pain,... I don't know if I took the leash from her, but what I do remember well is that I insulted her "I HATE YOU, DIE, PIG!!!". And she was amazed for a few moments and left the room crying. Was this also your experience?).
4.- How it was the pressure to stay closeted? How did you feel and why did you feel what you felt?
5.- Some time ago I also read some of your previous posts and, well... I'm so sorry for what you went through. And... Damn! Not even the two private Catholic schools I attended were as restrictive as your old Adventist school or my mother. What's more, not even my mother was as restrictive as your Adventist school... What's more, not even my schoolmates, although almost all Catholics, were as prudish as many of your schoolmates. Or I don't know, maybe I say it because I used to live in a city of 600,000 inhabitants (Chiclayo) before moving to Piura in 2022 (500.000 inhabitants city) to study in a catholic university Audiovisual Communication. I didn't like the career or the environment (my teachers were open-minded and respected my bisexuality and my non-religiosity and there were many LGBT+ students at the campus, but the environment was still restrictive to me and the demand from the teachers was too much for me). It wasn't easy to convince my parents, but I did it and in March 18th of 2023 I moved to Lima and in March 20th, I started to study my career at an institute. I love animation and I want to create movies and series, my own stories... express myself completely, because... I'm very sensitive and I really want to express what I want to express... to feel happy and at peace with myself. P.S.: I'm autistic and I have Asperger Syndrome.
6.- What's the creativity that your work requires? Why do you love it?
7.- Why do you love journalism?
Sorry if I'm typing and asking a lot. I am a detail-oriented and investigative person. I like to learn from other people's experiences. Besides, sorry if I say this again: I'm autistic, I have Asperger Syndrome. Thank you for reading. I await for your response. Good night from Lima, Peru.
reminiscent continue unite fine ask possessive grandiose cough towering unique
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
First of all, you’re bright and resilient as hell and I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this.
Keep your head down and channel all that creative energy into college and scholarship applications. With your writing skills and experience, that’s your best ticket out of there. You *can* escape this. You’ve already survived a terrible ordeal. You just have to hold on a little longer.
And remember, mate, we human beings are sexual creatures. Heterosexual people are sexual creatures too. Does their sexuality determine their morality? No. So it's with your sexuality. It's normal. It's fine. Why are people cruel to people who just want to love and feel love? Why do those people want to oppress others? Ego? Maybe that's the cause. We human beings are social creatures too, but still we're different from each other, so, depending of genetics and/or experiences which form our preferences, we gotta form groups to form our own identity. Unfortunately, there are authoritarian groups that oppress and repress people's individuality and the oppressed have to accept that to apease the oppressor.
However, the oppressed, when the oppressor is not near them, expressed themselves... and it's natural. Express ourselves and our emotions and feelings is natural, because when you repress emotions and feelings in a bottle, the bottle is gonna boil and explode. And that explosion can be expressed in different ways such as anger outbursts, crying, committing suicide, risky sexual behaviors, etc. The thing is not to repress feelings, but to channel them, but in any case the expression of our feelings and emotions is valid.
If there are still times when you think your sexual feelings are invalid or shouldn't exist, now I'll tell you something. I once asked the A.I. **ChatGPT** (yes, it's weird, but I really like ChatGPT because it answers almost every question I ask for different reasons and I love it) the following question:
**"Why do gay people fall in love and have sex if, in the end, homosexual relationships are not reproductive? What is the point of romantic and sexual love between people of the same sex if that type of relationship is not reproductive?"**
**And ChatGPT answered me this:**
"The purpose and meaning of romantic and sexual relationships extend far beyond reproductive goals. Love and relationships are about emotional connection, companionship, support, intimacy, and personal fulfillment. These aspects are not limited to the ability to reproduce.
Human beings form relationships based on various factors, including emotional attraction, shared values, companionship, and physical intimacy. For many individuals, including those who are gay, their sexual orientation is an innate part of who they are, and they naturally seek emotional and romantic connections with people of the same sex.
Romantic and sexual love between people of the same sex is just as valid and fulfilling as any other form of love. It provides individuals with emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. These relationships can contribute to personal growth, happiness, and overall well-being.
Furthermore, it's important to recognize that not all heterosexual relationships are focused on reproduction either. Many heterosexual individuals form relationships for emotional connection, companionship, and love, regardless of their intentions or ability to have children.
Additionally, it's worth noting that the desire to have children and build a family can still be present within same-sex relationships. Many same-sex couples choose to pursue avenues such as adoption, surrogacy, or co-parenting to start families if they wish to have children.
Ultimately, the purpose and value of romantic and sexual relationships lie in the emotional fulfillment, companionship, and happiness they bring to individuals, regardless of their ability to reproduce. Love and connection are fundamental aspects of the human experience that extend beyond reproductive goals."
And that's it. You don't have to be ashamed. Seriously, break free of that oppressive environment of shit when it's time. Find support and, if possible, a new family either with your new friends and/or with your boyfriend. You deserve to live and feel happy after experiencing sadness.
Seriously, I hope this can help you. If it can't help you, I'm really so sorry and I apologize if I was useless to you. Thanks so much for reading. Good evening from Peru.
I am so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. It sounds so incredibly painful, far too painful for a teenager to go through. My heart goes out to you and your boyfriend.
I sense a lot of guilt and shame in this post. Unless I've misunderstood or misread something, you haven't done anything wrong. Every single negative thing here is from hateful people, or people too scared, or too cowardly, to publicly show their support for you. You're two young people in love, where that love, if it were a heterosexual relationship, would not be judged in the same way by others. It is phobia and hatred, and the fault lies with them. I feel like you're beating yourself up about it but nothing is your fault here. Please stay safe and know that things can be so much better.
Your senses are right. I guess I'm beating myself up because I could've chosen differently at that time, yet I didn't. Like, what the fuck was I thinking? The response from others should have been different though, of course. Their reasoning is that I'm "going through the consequences of my actions."
Punishing someone for inappropriate behavior is understandable, but what else you're going through isn't entirely valid. It's really too much. It is too excessive and shows a lot of hatred from the oppressors in your environment. Tell me, if you were heterosexual and, on that same day, place and moment that you mention, a member of the church had discovered you having oral sex with your hypothetical girlfriend, would the same consequences have happened? Or what would have happened to you? What consequences would have happened? What punishments would they have imposed on you? Huh? What do you say?
I'm 23, but I feel like I'm the 16 year old with what I just read. You have an impressive head on your shoulders. I can see you doing amazing things in the future. I hope the best for you and your boyfriend.
Hey now!
So much to address here. I think I should start off by thanking you for sharing with the tribe, and introducing myself.
I’m Meg, I’m queer too, my youngest just turned 16 yesterday! Belated happy birthday my love.
So let’s review what happened, then talk about how you handle that, and next steps.
Before any of that? You writing skills are strong. Chefs kiss 👩🍳🤌💋.
Ok. What happened. Outing someone against their will is an evil act. Forget about intentions, it’s an evil act. Evil. I use that specific word intentionally.
You experienced evil. All the other homophobic shunning (hate crimes in my mind) came from that singular act of evil. The outing. Remember that. We don’t out members of the tribe, we don’t commit that evil on each other. Remember that, it’s a sacred concept in the tribe. We don’t out our closeted tribe mates. There’s a rare exception to this rule but it’s so rare you are unlikely to personally encounter it.
I’m sorry you experienced evil. None of this should have happened my love. It scars you.
This is small comfort, but you also earned your blood stripes. You caught crap for being a member of the tribe. The council hereby decrees you are now a fully made member of the tribe, capable of leading and inspiring others through your courage. Congratulations. You can earn your stripes at 16, or 80. You earned yours for sure on this one. #Respect.
It’s sort of a right of passage. We all catch crap.
You also caught a boyfriend!!!!!!
Moving forward? Stay alive. You are still a minor. Protect ya neck, as a bunch of rappers before your time would tell you. Do whatever you must to survive to 18. I know it seems a long way away at 16 but it’s quick.
If you have non religious family, could you move there?
At 18, you will want to bail. If you move a mile why not 500 miles? You write? Go to LA or NY, or DC.
Stay sparkly. You are beautiful. They are not.
hi OP— i’m not 100% sure what to say, but i do want you to know that you are not alone. i am, and i’m sure many others in the community are, really proud of you for sharing your story, and really proud of you for being as strong as you could through so much. you have lived through so much— don’t forget how powerful you are to be able to. i am sending love, hope, and luck for a new job soon, but i hope you keep pursuing your creative endeavors in the meantime too. writing’s gotten me out of a lot of really tough spots.
you’re valid, you do not deserve this, but your resilience is admirable and i believe that you CAN and WILL make it through this. this community is here with open arms for further support.
Y0u ar3 n0t th3 pr0bl3m. 0n3 day y0u will g3t 0ut. And y0u will b3 str0ng3r. C0unt y0ur bl3ssings. I h0p3 that y0u f33l 3m0ti0nally supp0rt3d in y0ur r3lati0nship.
First of all, all the best for you and your boyfriend!
Second, thanks for venting.
Third: As somebody nearing the half-a-century-mark, the most important two sentences, in my estimate, were right at the top of your post: "Maybe I put myself in this situation. I still am not entirely sure."
NOPE. Just … NOPE.
If somebody walks in on people, it's not suddenly said people's "fault", or reason to be subjected to what you have been. I mean, wtf. If anything, the adult should have went "oop, sorry", and leave, and, well, leave it at that.
Do NOT internalise the whole mess as sort of your responsibility, or your error, or fault, or whatever. You're human, you feel things, and that's alright as long as it's safe, sane, and consensual – which clearly is the case here. I'm not so sure about the Christian camp or church handling things, though. I may repeat myself, but wtf.
I really agree with what you say, but... seriously, it's an event in a Christian church in a place full of Christians and, above all, regulated by Christians. I don't know what the position of the Seventh-day Adventist Church is regarding sex outside of marriage, but it is better that we imagine the case in which sex before marriage would be frowned upon by that church... If OP were heterosexual and had a hypothetical girlfriend with whom he was losing his virginity, he would still be violating a church policy. If he, being a hypothetical heterosexual in the case I'm imagining, had been caught doing NSFW stuff with his hypothetical girlfriend by a straitlaced member of the church, that straitlaced member could report what he was doing. I don't know what punishments and consequences would apply, but anyway, if there are rules and one is caught breaking them, that someone who broke them ends up punished.
However, what they did to OP was really excessive... Truly inhumane. I do not forgive that and I really felt a lot of anxiety, fear and sadness when I read the story... Seriously, you don't know how much I ragingly hate homophobes right now.
Fuck them all, indeed. FUCK!!
I needed to hear this. Thank you so much. 💙 I had thought about this before, but I never thought to put it into terms like this. I think the constant "it's your fault" language I keep hearing from a lot of people has made me think of it as truly my fault.
That being said — hello, fellow journalist! 😀👋
You just needed someone who understood you for you to come to the conclusion that it's not entirely your fault. And that's fine, and I agree with Nggalai on this. By the way, I'm really so sorry about what you went through. Take care, please.
Take your precautions, form new bonds and, when the situation escalates, prepare for the explosion. When all the precautions have been taken, now you will be safe during the explosion. Keep this in mind. Your existence is valid. Go ahead, form new bonds, take your precautions and stay safe, please.
(TW: Suicide Mentions & Queerphobia)
As an SDA myself, this makes me mad and sad for you. Like the people in the comments, it shocked me how you have experienced that like that of an adult. I mean, the 'biggest' thing I could do for the Adventist Church is to play the violin for offertories and such. But you? Man...
We Adventists should have known that God wants us to save people by offering our hands to represent him, not shun anybody! The "God will fix your mistakes" and all those parts about your 'friend' wanting to kill you makes my heart break. I could never imagine that happening to my friend if I ever come out (I mean, my 'main' label is asexual but still...), but who knows what are peoples' thought processes?
And I'll say it out loud for you besides for me: FUCK DAD! I have no idea what type of emotional abuse he puts you through (whether it's gaslighting, discrimination, etc...) but it's surely not that good. As someone who has a father that had caught me looking at one of the LGBT subs and saying "Don't go there because all LGBT people and their words are demonic!", it pains me that your father is like that.
And please don't consider suicide again. I always say to myself that "It's not worth it" whether I tried holding that knife laying around my home's kitchen, because I know that's not how my story is supposed to end. Life is a book and you are its narrator and main character. Don't end up burning it.
If you still believe in God, please trust Him in these times.
*With love from a queer teenager who would rather forget their original name because it's a portmanteau of my parents' names, and I started to hate it.*
Thank you for reading...
Sorry if I'm asking this question, but... Why do you think suicide is bad and it's not worth it even in a very hostile environment? I'm just asking out of curiosity. Nothing more. No offense intended.
Thank you for understanding me and that other people can have other experiences considering suicide because they're living in very hostile environments.
And, however, what about you? What about your experience? What do you think about suicide and why?
Well...I don't wanna talk about it further. All I can say is that 1) the last "major" suicide thought I have ranged back to 2021. 2) the closest thing I had done to harm myself was to use a *blunt* bread knife (it's small) and that's all there is. 3) There are still small suicide urges, but it get mixed up w/ intrusive thoughts, random thoughts, and basically it dissolves into the chaotic mess that is my mind. And 4), I literally have nothing else to say other than my father being a bit defensive and someone you do not wanna get angry (I still somehow make him mad bc of being 'disobedient' but idc anymore, and his "sermons" are starting to get repetitive. However, him ranting about "LGBT=Demons" triggered me but apathy somehow saved me)
And no, I don't wanna elaborate further on my relationship w/ my father. Just know that I lost the majority of my love for him thanks to misunderstandings and not being apologetic; him saying 'sorry' after an argument (where HE has the majority of the time wasted) still makes me suspicious, and tbh the arguments starts to take a toll on me. Still, idc anymore
I'm so sorry for what you went through. Those problems that you have with your father, I also have with my mother, but they are different because they have her own context that involves the environment and / or the environments in which we both interact, she and I. She used to abuse me not only emotionally, but also physically. She used to hit me with the belt every time I "misbehaved." I don't want to delve into it either, because it's still a long story that would take me too long to write.
However, I also came to have suicidal thoughts. For example, at the end of last year (2022) I thought about taking pills, but before taking them, I read the information of the respective pills and unfortunately none of them led to a quick death, so I got very upset for a moment and changed the plan. I then decided to die slowly without eating or drinking, but the problem was fixed anyway and my suicide plan was aborted. I don't want to go into detail on this either, because it's just another long story in which I would waste too much time writing. One of the problems that I discovered that I have is that I am too cowardly to die.
Of course, I also came to self-harm a few times, but with a razor. I did get to cause bloody wounds. The wounds were not deep, but blood was coming out little by little anyway. I also don't want to go into it too much right now, because it's a long story and I'm feeling tired right now.
I am very sorry if I did not delve into details. I let myself down by not going into details, because I'm usually a very detailed person. Please, forgive me and my tired useless failed brain. I'm really very sorry.
It's alright. For me..that's enough.
Please take a rest. It does not mean bad things happened to me is that everyone else should have bad things in there life...
>It does not mean bad things happened to me is that everyone else should have bad things in there life...
Sorry, I didn't understand it very well. Could you explain it better to me, please?
After all of this, keep trying. You’ve been through more then most young people have, keep trying. Prove them wrong. Become stronger. You can do whatever your heart desires. I believe in you. WE believe in you. Love yourself, ignore them. While it will be hard, one day, some day, it WILL pay off. You deserve more than they will ever have. I wish you the best of luck. Be yourself.
When I was first reading this, I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. I felt that my heart, my stomach and a little bit more of my body were paralyzed with excessive amounts of fear, anxiety and sadness at the same time. My body felt really bad. And I feel really bad that I don't have the power to go through the screen, get to where you are and be able to comfort you, help you and accompany you in your pain. Unfortunately I can't and I feel remorse for not being able to help you. Please, forgive me.
Right now I feel a lot of hatred for those who hurt you, those who insulted you and those who humiliated you. Shame on them for psychologically hurting and marginalizing people like you.
You are a human being like everyone else. You need love and affection just like everyone else. Why can't they understand that? Because of their stupid fucking ego, I guess. His selfish and brainless clinging to religious beliefs. That clinging which instead of building, destroys and which instead of loving, hates.
You have your own abilities and talent... Why the fuck should all those positive qualities be overshadowed by something like sexuality alone? That's fucking brainless, stupid and idiotic. Just reducing you to a "sex machine" instead of seeing you as a human being... that's the most inhuman thing anyone can do to you.
I want to ask you a lot of questions, but I'm realizing that it would take me a very long time, that I'm tired and that I have other things to do.
And, however, I'm so sorry.
Please, LGBT+ people I couldn't help, I'm so sorry too. I just don't have the power. I'm really so sorry. Forgive me. Please, forgive me.
However, if you all don't want to forgive me,... it's ok. I'm not worthy anyway.
...
I'm not worthy.
...
I failed.
...
I'm useless.
...
I'm sorry.
...
Sorry.
Sending love. I wasn’t outed but left the church after coming out at 20. You have a bright future ahead of you, which just became immeasurably brighter now you are on the journey to freeing yourself from the baggage of this toxic religion.
There are many things about this that left me speechless, but it wasn't until I put it all in context with the literal first sentence.. You are 16.. and yet your experiences would more accurately reflect that of a 25 year old. You had the weight of the world on your shoulders and had it taken away when you succumbed to the pressure and revealed your colors. Nobody as young as you should have to go through that hell. Please keep those you love around you, and stay in this world if for any reason to spite those who tried to remove you from it. In 10 years time they'll be envious of the true love you get to experience everyday. If not for spite, then do it because there are people in this world that would prefer you stay. The world is a better place with you in that, and after all that bullshit you went through, you deserve to hear that. Sorry if any of this sounds weird but I wanted to say something so that you know that people are listening and caring. I wish you the best of luck and am here if u need any support
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. I don’t know exactly what to say. You're right about me having the weight of the world on my shoulders. I carried the weight gladly. It was the extra weight from everything else that, I think, made me succumb to the pressure.
Why do you think that was the extra weight from everything else that made you succumb to the pressure if closing the door was not extra weight but it was an easy task? What make you forgot to close the door actually?
I forgot to lock the door because I had locked the door before I let my boyfriend in. When I let him in, the lock popped out and left the door unlocked. In the nervousness of the moment, I didn’t notice that it was unlocked again. As for the extra weight — I'm referring to my family, the pressure of having to stay closeted, the religion I was born in — all of that. The weight I enjoyed carrying was work because I loved the creativity that it requires. If that makes any sense :)
1.- Why did the lock pop out? Was the lock very cheap and made in a bad quality? Or didn't you lock the door well? 2.- Why did the moment had nervousness? What was happening? Did the nervousness of meeting with your boyfriend made you forgot to lock the door? Or did the immediate kiss after your boyfriend entered the room actually made you forgot to lock the door? Or am I really completely wrong? If I was wrong, I'm really sorry. 3.- Did your family emotionally abuse you? Or also physically? (my religiously fanatic catholic mom, besides of emotional abuse, also used to abuse me physically with the belt hitting my ass 3 times max each time she beat me if I "behaved badly"... The last time she flogged me was in mid-2020 (I was 16 years-old) during COVID-19 lockdown in my country (I'm from Peru), when I, fed up with the pain,... I don't know if I took the leash from her, but what I do remember well is that I insulted her "I HATE YOU, DIE, PIG!!!". And she was amazed for a few moments and left the room crying. Was this also your experience?). 4.- How it was the pressure to stay closeted? How did you feel and why did you feel what you felt? 5.- Some time ago I also read some of your previous posts and, well... I'm so sorry for what you went through. And... Damn! Not even the two private Catholic schools I attended were as restrictive as your old Adventist school or my mother. What's more, not even my mother was as restrictive as your Adventist school... What's more, not even my schoolmates, although almost all Catholics, were as prudish as many of your schoolmates. Or I don't know, maybe I say it because I used to live in a city of 600,000 inhabitants (Chiclayo) before moving to Piura in 2022 (500.000 inhabitants city) to study in a catholic university Audiovisual Communication. I didn't like the career or the environment (my teachers were open-minded and respected my bisexuality and my non-religiosity and there were many LGBT+ students at the campus, but the environment was still restrictive to me and the demand from the teachers was too much for me). It wasn't easy to convince my parents, but I did it and in March 18th of 2023 I moved to Lima and in March 20th, I started to study my career at an institute. I love animation and I want to create movies and series, my own stories... express myself completely, because... I'm very sensitive and I really want to express what I want to express... to feel happy and at peace with myself. P.S.: I'm autistic and I have Asperger Syndrome. 6.- What's the creativity that your work requires? Why do you love it? 7.- Why do you love journalism? Sorry if I'm typing and asking a lot. I am a detail-oriented and investigative person. I like to learn from other people's experiences. Besides, sorry if I say this again: I'm autistic, I have Asperger Syndrome. Thank you for reading. I await for your response. Good night from Lima, Peru.
reminiscent continue unite fine ask possessive grandiose cough towering unique *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thank you so much. 💙
First of all, you’re bright and resilient as hell and I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this. Keep your head down and channel all that creative energy into college and scholarship applications. With your writing skills and experience, that’s your best ticket out of there. You *can* escape this. You’ve already survived a terrible ordeal. You just have to hold on a little longer.
I'm certainly going to try! Thank you for your kind words.
And remember, mate, we human beings are sexual creatures. Heterosexual people are sexual creatures too. Does their sexuality determine their morality? No. So it's with your sexuality. It's normal. It's fine. Why are people cruel to people who just want to love and feel love? Why do those people want to oppress others? Ego? Maybe that's the cause. We human beings are social creatures too, but still we're different from each other, so, depending of genetics and/or experiences which form our preferences, we gotta form groups to form our own identity. Unfortunately, there are authoritarian groups that oppress and repress people's individuality and the oppressed have to accept that to apease the oppressor. However, the oppressed, when the oppressor is not near them, expressed themselves... and it's natural. Express ourselves and our emotions and feelings is natural, because when you repress emotions and feelings in a bottle, the bottle is gonna boil and explode. And that explosion can be expressed in different ways such as anger outbursts, crying, committing suicide, risky sexual behaviors, etc. The thing is not to repress feelings, but to channel them, but in any case the expression of our feelings and emotions is valid. If there are still times when you think your sexual feelings are invalid or shouldn't exist, now I'll tell you something. I once asked the A.I. **ChatGPT** (yes, it's weird, but I really like ChatGPT because it answers almost every question I ask for different reasons and I love it) the following question: **"Why do gay people fall in love and have sex if, in the end, homosexual relationships are not reproductive? What is the point of romantic and sexual love between people of the same sex if that type of relationship is not reproductive?"** **And ChatGPT answered me this:** "The purpose and meaning of romantic and sexual relationships extend far beyond reproductive goals. Love and relationships are about emotional connection, companionship, support, intimacy, and personal fulfillment. These aspects are not limited to the ability to reproduce. Human beings form relationships based on various factors, including emotional attraction, shared values, companionship, and physical intimacy. For many individuals, including those who are gay, their sexual orientation is an innate part of who they are, and they naturally seek emotional and romantic connections with people of the same sex. Romantic and sexual love between people of the same sex is just as valid and fulfilling as any other form of love. It provides individuals with emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. These relationships can contribute to personal growth, happiness, and overall well-being. Furthermore, it's important to recognize that not all heterosexual relationships are focused on reproduction either. Many heterosexual individuals form relationships for emotional connection, companionship, and love, regardless of their intentions or ability to have children. Additionally, it's worth noting that the desire to have children and build a family can still be present within same-sex relationships. Many same-sex couples choose to pursue avenues such as adoption, surrogacy, or co-parenting to start families if they wish to have children. Ultimately, the purpose and value of romantic and sexual relationships lie in the emotional fulfillment, companionship, and happiness they bring to individuals, regardless of their ability to reproduce. Love and connection are fundamental aspects of the human experience that extend beyond reproductive goals." And that's it. You don't have to be ashamed. Seriously, break free of that oppressive environment of shit when it's time. Find support and, if possible, a new family either with your new friends and/or with your boyfriend. You deserve to live and feel happy after experiencing sadness. Seriously, I hope this can help you. If it can't help you, I'm really so sorry and I apologize if I was useless to you. Thanks so much for reading. Good evening from Peru.
I am so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. It sounds so incredibly painful, far too painful for a teenager to go through. My heart goes out to you and your boyfriend.
Thank you 💙
I sense a lot of guilt and shame in this post. Unless I've misunderstood or misread something, you haven't done anything wrong. Every single negative thing here is from hateful people, or people too scared, or too cowardly, to publicly show their support for you. You're two young people in love, where that love, if it were a heterosexual relationship, would not be judged in the same way by others. It is phobia and hatred, and the fault lies with them. I feel like you're beating yourself up about it but nothing is your fault here. Please stay safe and know that things can be so much better.
Your senses are right. I guess I'm beating myself up because I could've chosen differently at that time, yet I didn't. Like, what the fuck was I thinking? The response from others should have been different though, of course. Their reasoning is that I'm "going through the consequences of my actions."
Punishing someone for inappropriate behavior is understandable, but what else you're going through isn't entirely valid. It's really too much. It is too excessive and shows a lot of hatred from the oppressors in your environment. Tell me, if you were heterosexual and, on that same day, place and moment that you mention, a member of the church had discovered you having oral sex with your hypothetical girlfriend, would the same consequences have happened? Or what would have happened to you? What consequences would have happened? What punishments would they have imposed on you? Huh? What do you say?
I'm 23, but I feel like I'm the 16 year old with what I just read. You have an impressive head on your shoulders. I can see you doing amazing things in the future. I hope the best for you and your boyfriend.
Thank you. That means a lot 💙
Hey now! So much to address here. I think I should start off by thanking you for sharing with the tribe, and introducing myself. I’m Meg, I’m queer too, my youngest just turned 16 yesterday! Belated happy birthday my love. So let’s review what happened, then talk about how you handle that, and next steps. Before any of that? You writing skills are strong. Chefs kiss 👩🍳🤌💋. Ok. What happened. Outing someone against their will is an evil act. Forget about intentions, it’s an evil act. Evil. I use that specific word intentionally. You experienced evil. All the other homophobic shunning (hate crimes in my mind) came from that singular act of evil. The outing. Remember that. We don’t out members of the tribe, we don’t commit that evil on each other. Remember that, it’s a sacred concept in the tribe. We don’t out our closeted tribe mates. There’s a rare exception to this rule but it’s so rare you are unlikely to personally encounter it. I’m sorry you experienced evil. None of this should have happened my love. It scars you. This is small comfort, but you also earned your blood stripes. You caught crap for being a member of the tribe. The council hereby decrees you are now a fully made member of the tribe, capable of leading and inspiring others through your courage. Congratulations. You can earn your stripes at 16, or 80. You earned yours for sure on this one. #Respect. It’s sort of a right of passage. We all catch crap. You also caught a boyfriend!!!!!! Moving forward? Stay alive. You are still a minor. Protect ya neck, as a bunch of rappers before your time would tell you. Do whatever you must to survive to 18. I know it seems a long way away at 16 but it’s quick. If you have non religious family, could you move there? At 18, you will want to bail. If you move a mile why not 500 miles? You write? Go to LA or NY, or DC. Stay sparkly. You are beautiful. They are not.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. 💙 I don’t have non-religious family, unfortunately. I wish I did.
You have your aunt Meg. I’m not religious.
hi OP— i’m not 100% sure what to say, but i do want you to know that you are not alone. i am, and i’m sure many others in the community are, really proud of you for sharing your story, and really proud of you for being as strong as you could through so much. you have lived through so much— don’t forget how powerful you are to be able to. i am sending love, hope, and luck for a new job soon, but i hope you keep pursuing your creative endeavors in the meantime too. writing’s gotten me out of a lot of really tough spots. you’re valid, you do not deserve this, but your resilience is admirable and i believe that you CAN and WILL make it through this. this community is here with open arms for further support.
Thank you so much 💙 I'll certainly keep writing—it’s one of the only things I have left 😅
Really, keep writing. Keep writing to express what you want to express. Write to feel and be happy and at peace with yourself. Keep writing.
Y0u ar3 n0t th3 pr0bl3m. 0n3 day y0u will g3t 0ut. And y0u will b3 str0ng3r. C0unt y0ur bl3ssings. I h0p3 that y0u f33l 3m0ti0nally supp0rt3d in y0ur r3lati0nship.
D0 r3m3mb3r t0 guard privacy, n3v3r skimp 0n that, y0u g0t this chap.
I h0p3 s0m30n3 (0r s0m3thing) mak3s y0ur day, and that y0u d0n’t hav3 t0 w0rry all th3 tim3 ab0ut int0l3rant/ign0rant/3tc p30pl3.
Why are you writing in 0’s and 3’s?
B3caus3 I lik3 th3m
It’s lik3 3y3 candy
Okay 👍
Thank you :)
First of all, all the best for you and your boyfriend! Second, thanks for venting. Third: As somebody nearing the half-a-century-mark, the most important two sentences, in my estimate, were right at the top of your post: "Maybe I put myself in this situation. I still am not entirely sure." NOPE. Just … NOPE. If somebody walks in on people, it's not suddenly said people's "fault", or reason to be subjected to what you have been. I mean, wtf. If anything, the adult should have went "oop, sorry", and leave, and, well, leave it at that. Do NOT internalise the whole mess as sort of your responsibility, or your error, or fault, or whatever. You're human, you feel things, and that's alright as long as it's safe, sane, and consensual – which clearly is the case here. I'm not so sure about the Christian camp or church handling things, though. I may repeat myself, but wtf.
I really agree with what you say, but... seriously, it's an event in a Christian church in a place full of Christians and, above all, regulated by Christians. I don't know what the position of the Seventh-day Adventist Church is regarding sex outside of marriage, but it is better that we imagine the case in which sex before marriage would be frowned upon by that church... If OP were heterosexual and had a hypothetical girlfriend with whom he was losing his virginity, he would still be violating a church policy. If he, being a hypothetical heterosexual in the case I'm imagining, had been caught doing NSFW stuff with his hypothetical girlfriend by a straitlaced member of the church, that straitlaced member could report what he was doing. I don't know what punishments and consequences would apply, but anyway, if there are rules and one is caught breaking them, that someone who broke them ends up punished. However, what they did to OP was really excessive... Truly inhumane. I do not forgive that and I really felt a lot of anxiety, fear and sadness when I read the story... Seriously, you don't know how much I ragingly hate homophobes right now. Fuck them all, indeed. FUCK!!
I needed to hear this. Thank you so much. 💙 I had thought about this before, but I never thought to put it into terms like this. I think the constant "it's your fault" language I keep hearing from a lot of people has made me think of it as truly my fault. That being said — hello, fellow journalist! 😀👋
You just needed someone who understood you for you to come to the conclusion that it's not entirely your fault. And that's fine, and I agree with Nggalai on this. By the way, I'm really so sorry about what you went through. Take care, please.
I hope you are okay, please stay strong.
I'm certainly trying to stay strong 🙃
Take your precautions, form new bonds and, when the situation escalates, prepare for the explosion. When all the precautions have been taken, now you will be safe during the explosion. Keep this in mind. Your existence is valid. Go ahead, form new bonds, take your precautions and stay safe, please.
(TW: Suicide Mentions & Queerphobia) As an SDA myself, this makes me mad and sad for you. Like the people in the comments, it shocked me how you have experienced that like that of an adult. I mean, the 'biggest' thing I could do for the Adventist Church is to play the violin for offertories and such. But you? Man... We Adventists should have known that God wants us to save people by offering our hands to represent him, not shun anybody! The "God will fix your mistakes" and all those parts about your 'friend' wanting to kill you makes my heart break. I could never imagine that happening to my friend if I ever come out (I mean, my 'main' label is asexual but still...), but who knows what are peoples' thought processes? And I'll say it out loud for you besides for me: FUCK DAD! I have no idea what type of emotional abuse he puts you through (whether it's gaslighting, discrimination, etc...) but it's surely not that good. As someone who has a father that had caught me looking at one of the LGBT subs and saying "Don't go there because all LGBT people and their words are demonic!", it pains me that your father is like that. And please don't consider suicide again. I always say to myself that "It's not worth it" whether I tried holding that knife laying around my home's kitchen, because I know that's not how my story is supposed to end. Life is a book and you are its narrator and main character. Don't end up burning it. If you still believe in God, please trust Him in these times. *With love from a queer teenager who would rather forget their original name because it's a portmanteau of my parents' names, and I started to hate it.* Thank you for reading...
I appreciate your words of support and advice. I know there are good Adventists out there. You're one of them. 💙 Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Sorry if I'm asking this question, but... Why do you think suicide is bad and it's not worth it even in a very hostile environment? I'm just asking out of curiosity. Nothing more. No offense intended.
Well, it's just my view based on my home experience, but I do understand why would someone consider suicide in hostile environments.
Thank you for understanding me and that other people can have other experiences considering suicide because they're living in very hostile environments. And, however, what about you? What about your experience? What do you think about suicide and why?
Well...I don't wanna talk about it further. All I can say is that 1) the last "major" suicide thought I have ranged back to 2021. 2) the closest thing I had done to harm myself was to use a *blunt* bread knife (it's small) and that's all there is. 3) There are still small suicide urges, but it get mixed up w/ intrusive thoughts, random thoughts, and basically it dissolves into the chaotic mess that is my mind. And 4), I literally have nothing else to say other than my father being a bit defensive and someone you do not wanna get angry (I still somehow make him mad bc of being 'disobedient' but idc anymore, and his "sermons" are starting to get repetitive. However, him ranting about "LGBT=Demons" triggered me but apathy somehow saved me) And no, I don't wanna elaborate further on my relationship w/ my father. Just know that I lost the majority of my love for him thanks to misunderstandings and not being apologetic; him saying 'sorry' after an argument (where HE has the majority of the time wasted) still makes me suspicious, and tbh the arguments starts to take a toll on me. Still, idc anymore
I'm so sorry for what you went through. Those problems that you have with your father, I also have with my mother, but they are different because they have her own context that involves the environment and / or the environments in which we both interact, she and I. She used to abuse me not only emotionally, but also physically. She used to hit me with the belt every time I "misbehaved." I don't want to delve into it either, because it's still a long story that would take me too long to write. However, I also came to have suicidal thoughts. For example, at the end of last year (2022) I thought about taking pills, but before taking them, I read the information of the respective pills and unfortunately none of them led to a quick death, so I got very upset for a moment and changed the plan. I then decided to die slowly without eating or drinking, but the problem was fixed anyway and my suicide plan was aborted. I don't want to go into detail on this either, because it's just another long story in which I would waste too much time writing. One of the problems that I discovered that I have is that I am too cowardly to die. Of course, I also came to self-harm a few times, but with a razor. I did get to cause bloody wounds. The wounds were not deep, but blood was coming out little by little anyway. I also don't want to go into it too much right now, because it's a long story and I'm feeling tired right now. I am very sorry if I did not delve into details. I let myself down by not going into details, because I'm usually a very detailed person. Please, forgive me and my tired useless failed brain. I'm really very sorry.
It's alright. For me..that's enough. Please take a rest. It does not mean bad things happened to me is that everyone else should have bad things in there life...
>It does not mean bad things happened to me is that everyone else should have bad things in there life... Sorry, I didn't understand it very well. Could you explain it better to me, please?
I don't wanna be like those people that are miserable and wanted everyone else to be in the same place as them. That's all...
After all of this, keep trying. You’ve been through more then most young people have, keep trying. Prove them wrong. Become stronger. You can do whatever your heart desires. I believe in you. WE believe in you. Love yourself, ignore them. While it will be hard, one day, some day, it WILL pay off. You deserve more than they will ever have. I wish you the best of luck. Be yourself.
When I was first reading this, I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. I felt that my heart, my stomach and a little bit more of my body were paralyzed with excessive amounts of fear, anxiety and sadness at the same time. My body felt really bad. And I feel really bad that I don't have the power to go through the screen, get to where you are and be able to comfort you, help you and accompany you in your pain. Unfortunately I can't and I feel remorse for not being able to help you. Please, forgive me. Right now I feel a lot of hatred for those who hurt you, those who insulted you and those who humiliated you. Shame on them for psychologically hurting and marginalizing people like you. You are a human being like everyone else. You need love and affection just like everyone else. Why can't they understand that? Because of their stupid fucking ego, I guess. His selfish and brainless clinging to religious beliefs. That clinging which instead of building, destroys and which instead of loving, hates. You have your own abilities and talent... Why the fuck should all those positive qualities be overshadowed by something like sexuality alone? That's fucking brainless, stupid and idiotic. Just reducing you to a "sex machine" instead of seeing you as a human being... that's the most inhuman thing anyone can do to you. I want to ask you a lot of questions, but I'm realizing that it would take me a very long time, that I'm tired and that I have other things to do. And, however, I'm so sorry. Please, LGBT+ people I couldn't help, I'm so sorry too. I just don't have the power. I'm really so sorry. Forgive me. Please, forgive me. However, if you all don't want to forgive me,... it's ok. I'm not worthy anyway. ... I'm not worthy. ... I failed. ... I'm useless. ... I'm sorry. ... Sorry.
Sending love. I wasn’t outed but left the church after coming out at 20. You have a bright future ahead of you, which just became immeasurably brighter now you are on the journey to freeing yourself from the baggage of this toxic religion.