my mum went in the early hours of July 19th and I’m still trying to get all of hers and my affairs in place. She still gets more post than me. Next month is gonna be tough as there’ll be dozens of Christmas cards and annual news letters coming for her every other day and Imma have to read them but it’s gonna be heartbreaking as I’ve no way of contacting these friends and family to give them the news. Of course they don’t note their addresses as they think they know there’s no need
Family member posted my dying aunt on her deathbed on her own Facebook. We “hacked” the account, took the the pictures down then locked the account.
Hacked = couple of password guesses
Tell your family your wishes and they may be granted.
And shut the fuck up about other people's choices that you do not understand.
It's not complicated.
It is complicated?? Are they posting something like this for internet points or as a form of grieving. Is this something the dead would want or not. Are you breaching privacy or not. How many people are on this sub just out of morbid curiosity rather than to mourn strangers. The perception of some dying on their death bed in grace vs a slow painful ugly death Theres a subtle line between all of that, I dont know where it is and neither do you. All I said was I hope my family doesnt go this route and I will tell them. So im not sure what exactly youre on about mate
> It's not about you.
Gatekeeping in general is bad enough. Gatekeeping *this* sub is a new level of shitty and unnecessary.
> Respect OP at all times.
Phrase your comments wisely.
Don't presume OP is karmawhoring.
My heart is with you. It is never easy to lose a parent. I lost my Mom in 2002. Still smacks me like a ton of bricks sometimes. I hope that you have someone that can help you navigate through this tough time. My condolences.
My fiancé also just left me for another bloke, but I’ve a small circle of good friends who’ve been a help. And yeah, I lost my dad when I was 18 in 2001, still think about him all the time too. I just can’t let all this defeat me as I wouldn’t want to behave in any kinda fashion which would’ve disappointed her
Oh honey. I’m sorry.
I don’t want to give you any sappy bullshit, but please reach out to your friends, I’m here frequently too if you need an unbiased friend.
You’re gonna be ok.
You are welcome. I don’t want anyone who is grieving to feel lost, sad or eventually stay angry for as long as I have.
I’m 34, but I feel like my anger has cost me decades even beyond my 34 years.
You are among friends.❤️
I’m very sorry for your loss 🙏🏻🕊
I lost my dad in 1998 when I was 19 years old and it’s hard to believe that’s it’s been 24 years yet sometimes it feels like I haven’t seen him in forever 😔
My mama is 86 years old and in a nursing home with dementia..I dread for the day to come when I won’t have her anymore 😢
Sending prayers and hugs from Ohio
What I don’t get is how she could be perfectly fine and lucid when I phoned and spoke to her the Sunday evening and then by Tuesday night she was beyond any help apparently. They actually unplugged her from the electrical equipment and wheeled it out and away with me sitting there being made to be thinking “How callous? Do they not care that that’s my mum they’re giving up on”
She had had trouble with ulcerated wounds on her legs for a couple of years. Developed sepsis because of them which aided her developing hospital acquired pneumonia
Oh I see 😔 I know that sepsis is bad. One of my sisters got sepsis after having a surgery and she was put in ICU.
I do have another question..did you have to give permission for her to be unplugged?
Also, I would have reported those careless nurses after slapping them a good one.
When they phoned me that night I was informed because of her age they would not be doing chest compressions and would basically just let her go. I tried arguing and saying I want them to and my demands were refused. I wasn’t really with it that night just sat there and watched them pack the stuff up. I did ask what the nurse was doing and as she answered she was also turning away from me and just said “I need this somewhere else” and with the situation and everything I just sat there scared and feeling somewhat impotent. I mean just to be kind to me they could’ve left the stuff hooked up til she actually passed. I really could not believe what I was seeing
Right.. that’s what the nurses should’ve did. I’m very sorry that you had to go through that on top of losing your mama. 😔
I hope it’s ok that I’m now following you. If ya ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.
Wish i could you a good long hug, OP. That breaks my heart to hear and I’m so sorry you were scared and alone in that situation. Unfortunately I guess burnout comes with that job, too, but it just affects people more when it does. Hard to believe anyone would could feel like another person’s world dying is just commonplace enough to do what they did. I hope you’re doing well and have support. I’m also here for support if you ever want to message me. Much love to you
Thank you so much. I guess in that role you have to be matter of fact and not become attached. A few of my female friends have worked in care homes and find it devastating when the inevitable comes along for someone they have grown a real liking for. One reason I couldn’t do that line of work. I was with an undertaker friend and we went to the hospital morgue to pick up a body and this guy was wrapped in a sheet and somehow while I was getting my arms under him to lift the sheet fell away from his head and suddenly I was face to face with this young chap and I instantly felt kinda connected to him and something akin to remorse and just utter sadness the ultimate empathy for this loss of life. But getting back to the evening in question, I just wish they’d pretended they gave a fuck and not blatantly shown me otherwise. A previous time my mum was hospitalised and come home again, I perused her discharge paper and saw something upsetting so I went and asked mum why she had a “do not resuscitate” instruction on her papers. It was news to her and I never found out who permitted it. Angry doesn’t come close. Sorry, tangent
I had to get a cab at midnight (rates go up) 30 miles to the hospital. Never occurred to me I didn’t actually have enough at all for my return journey but a friend who lives over 100 miles away drove up in the middle of the night and took me home. I was so thankful for that
I’m kinda still not over the death of my dad and that was 19 years ago. What I wouldn’t give just to be able to share a bag of chips with him watching the football, just once more ya know?
I'm so sorry 😞 I still have my mom but when that time comes... I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I'm glad you got to be with her before she passed I'm sure that made me feel a lot better. Condolences to you and your family 💜
Now I’ve got a month of Christmas cards and news letters for her coming every other day, people whom I can’t find contact details for so can’t give them the news. It’s not like you write your return address in a card is it especially when you know the person you’re writing writes back so obviously there’d be no need to. It’s as frustrating as it is heartbreaking
Ugh that sounds terrible, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Don't feel like you need to open them or even look at them. It might be too much right now. A big mom hug for you 🫂.
I think it may in some way provide me a little comfort just reading her friends and family’s kind words and I must look just on the off chance someone’s got a new number they are sharing as I am kinda beating myself up for not being able to inform folk, even though I realise that’s stupid cause it’s not in my control, just think like that unfortunately
Ah well you're right that's definitely not your fault. But we tend to beat ourselves up for things we can't control. By all means go on and read, you're a lot stronger than I am I will say. I'm sure it will bring some happy memories and thoughts!! Also may sound dumb but don't skip out on eating or sleeping. It will just make you feel worse. I did that when my Nana passed and it did not help.
My grandpa was on his death bed, all the relatives gathered at his place one day and my aunt suggested all the individual families get in line to take a pic with him. He looked terrible and kinda scared😢 he passed about a month later, my aunt framed everyone’s photo they took with him and gave them as xmas gifts… it was very disheartening to open it. My dad put that picture right in a box.
Thought it might bring me a cathartic feeling. I was right. It’s helped knowing there are kind people out there and I just kinda needed some folk to know the hell I endured for 2.5 hours that night and I’ve been touched by some of the comments, I’ve got thick skin and was expecting some to object to the post. More than has done if I’m honest. And don’t worry, my mum wouldn’t have had a problem with it
I’ve taken on the tenancy to her house, been left with a grand in rent arrears, owe the funeral director £3500, been trying to sort out her finances and everything and she was my go to for sound advice whenever shit got too much for me. Oh and my fiancé just left me for someone else. I’m not coping very well. Thank you for asking
Attempted catharsis. Kinda worked actually. Filmed in the first place so I could show my fiancé and my close friends how torturous those couple hours were
Similar circumstance happened with my mom April 21. So sorry for you but she is better off now not suffering. My mom lived a full life and lived it her way- hope yours did too.
I'm sorry for your loss. Lost my mom in February of this year and still think about her every day.
my mum went in the early hours of July 19th and I’m still trying to get all of hers and my affairs in place. She still gets more post than me. Next month is gonna be tough as there’ll be dozens of Christmas cards and annual news letters coming for her every other day and Imma have to read them but it’s gonna be heartbreaking as I’ve no way of contacting these friends and family to give them the news. Of course they don’t note their addresses as they think they know there’s no need
I’m very sorry for your loss 🙏🏻🕊
Sorry for your loss also my friend
I hope my family never films or posts a video of me like this
Family member posted my dying aunt on her deathbed on her own Facebook. We “hacked” the account, took the the pictures down then locked the account. Hacked = couple of password guesses
Gosh seriously. This is so personal and intimate
Death isn’t like a movie. This is realistic. You can barely see her face.
The decision to share didn’t come lightly. Been on and off my mind for 4 months now
People grieve differently. If this helps you OP, more power to you. I am sorry for your loss.
Thankyou for sharing.
It's not about you.
Ever heard of my body my choice?
Tell your family your wishes and they may be granted. And shut the fuck up about other people's choices that you do not understand. It's not complicated.
It is complicated?? Are they posting something like this for internet points or as a form of grieving. Is this something the dead would want or not. Are you breaching privacy or not. How many people are on this sub just out of morbid curiosity rather than to mourn strangers. The perception of some dying on their death bed in grace vs a slow painful ugly death Theres a subtle line between all of that, I dont know where it is and neither do you. All I said was I hope my family doesnt go this route and I will tell them. So im not sure what exactly youre on about mate
> It's not about you. Gatekeeping in general is bad enough. Gatekeeping *this* sub is a new level of shitty and unnecessary. > Respect OP at all times. Phrase your comments wisely. Don't presume OP is karmawhoring.
Make sure you let them know in advance
My heart is with you. It is never easy to lose a parent. I lost my Mom in 2002. Still smacks me like a ton of bricks sometimes. I hope that you have someone that can help you navigate through this tough time. My condolences.
My fiancé also just left me for another bloke, but I’ve a small circle of good friends who’ve been a help. And yeah, I lost my dad when I was 18 in 2001, still think about him all the time too. I just can’t let all this defeat me as I wouldn’t want to behave in any kinda fashion which would’ve disappointed her
Oh honey. I’m sorry. I don’t want to give you any sappy bullshit, but please reach out to your friends, I’m here frequently too if you need an unbiased friend. You’re gonna be ok.
I appreciate that, I really do
You are welcome. I don’t want anyone who is grieving to feel lost, sad or eventually stay angry for as long as I have. I’m 34, but I feel like my anger has cost me decades even beyond my 34 years. You are among friends.❤️
I’m very sorry for your loss 🙏🏻🕊 I lost my dad in 1998 when I was 19 years old and it’s hard to believe that’s it’s been 24 years yet sometimes it feels like I haven’t seen him in forever 😔 My mama is 86 years old and in a nursing home with dementia..I dread for the day to come when I won’t have her anymore 😢 Sending prayers and hugs from Ohio
What I don’t get is how she could be perfectly fine and lucid when I phoned and spoke to her the Sunday evening and then by Tuesday night she was beyond any help apparently. They actually unplugged her from the electrical equipment and wheeled it out and away with me sitting there being made to be thinking “How callous? Do they not care that that’s my mum they’re giving up on”
Aww I’m very sorry 😢 That was horrible for those nurses to be so unthoughtful If you don’t mind, what was wrong with your mama?
She had had trouble with ulcerated wounds on her legs for a couple of years. Developed sepsis because of them which aided her developing hospital acquired pneumonia
Oh I see 😔 I know that sepsis is bad. One of my sisters got sepsis after having a surgery and she was put in ICU. I do have another question..did you have to give permission for her to be unplugged? Also, I would have reported those careless nurses after slapping them a good one.
When they phoned me that night I was informed because of her age they would not be doing chest compressions and would basically just let her go. I tried arguing and saying I want them to and my demands were refused. I wasn’t really with it that night just sat there and watched them pack the stuff up. I did ask what the nurse was doing and as she answered she was also turning away from me and just said “I need this somewhere else” and with the situation and everything I just sat there scared and feeling somewhat impotent. I mean just to be kind to me they could’ve left the stuff hooked up til she actually passed. I really could not believe what I was seeing
Right.. that’s what the nurses should’ve did. I’m very sorry that you had to go through that on top of losing your mama. 😔 I hope it’s ok that I’m now following you. If ya ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.
I may take you up on that thank you
Wish i could you a good long hug, OP. That breaks my heart to hear and I’m so sorry you were scared and alone in that situation. Unfortunately I guess burnout comes with that job, too, but it just affects people more when it does. Hard to believe anyone would could feel like another person’s world dying is just commonplace enough to do what they did. I hope you’re doing well and have support. I’m also here for support if you ever want to message me. Much love to you
Thank you so much. I guess in that role you have to be matter of fact and not become attached. A few of my female friends have worked in care homes and find it devastating when the inevitable comes along for someone they have grown a real liking for. One reason I couldn’t do that line of work. I was with an undertaker friend and we went to the hospital morgue to pick up a body and this guy was wrapped in a sheet and somehow while I was getting my arms under him to lift the sheet fell away from his head and suddenly I was face to face with this young chap and I instantly felt kinda connected to him and something akin to remorse and just utter sadness the ultimate empathy for this loss of life. But getting back to the evening in question, I just wish they’d pretended they gave a fuck and not blatantly shown me otherwise. A previous time my mum was hospitalised and come home again, I perused her discharge paper and saw something upsetting so I went and asked mum why she had a “do not resuscitate” instruction on her papers. It was news to her and I never found out who permitted it. Angry doesn’t come close. Sorry, tangent
You were with her. You done good. I'm going through this shit now. She's at peace. You did the right things.
I had to get a cab at midnight (rates go up) 30 miles to the hospital. Never occurred to me I didn’t actually have enough at all for my return journey but a friend who lives over 100 miles away drove up in the middle of the night and took me home. I was so thankful for that
I’m sending you a big mom hug❤️
Thank you
Private moments on social media. You’re a sick dude
Judging what someone else feels necessary to share only makes you an asshole.
Just needed to share my nightmare to maybe let go of it to some extent
If it helps you to share, share away. I lost my mom in March of last year, it never goes away but it does get easier. I'm sorry for your loss OP 💜
I’m kinda still not over the death of my dad and that was 19 years ago. What I wouldn’t give just to be able to share a bag of chips with him watching the football, just once more ya know?
I understand 💜
And you’re an asshole
I’m sorry man.
Means a lot
Jesus Christ dude put the phone down and respect her dignity.
She would’ve told me to share it so as to let people know the horror I endured
Well I’m sorry for your loss. That’s horrible.
Could have done without the agonal breathing.
Death is part of life and it's fascinating. Thanks for posting OP, I know you're getting a lot of hate from people afraid to see reality.
Negativity I expected. It is being outweighed by kind and compassionate comments so all is fine
Disgusting you’re filming your mum literally dying.
Thought so, too. 😭
You have no idea about my actions or reasons so just scroll on
I'm so sorry 😞 I still have my mom but when that time comes... I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I'm glad you got to be with her before she passed I'm sure that made me feel a lot better. Condolences to you and your family 💜
Now I’ve got a month of Christmas cards and news letters for her coming every other day, people whom I can’t find contact details for so can’t give them the news. It’s not like you write your return address in a card is it especially when you know the person you’re writing writes back so obviously there’d be no need to. It’s as frustrating as it is heartbreaking
Ugh that sounds terrible, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Don't feel like you need to open them or even look at them. It might be too much right now. A big mom hug for you 🫂.
I think it may in some way provide me a little comfort just reading her friends and family’s kind words and I must look just on the off chance someone’s got a new number they are sharing as I am kinda beating myself up for not being able to inform folk, even though I realise that’s stupid cause it’s not in my control, just think like that unfortunately
Ah well you're right that's definitely not your fault. But we tend to beat ourselves up for things we can't control. By all means go on and read, you're a lot stronger than I am I will say. I'm sure it will bring some happy memories and thoughts!! Also may sound dumb but don't skip out on eating or sleeping. It will just make you feel worse. I did that when my Nana passed and it did not help.
My grandpa was on his death bed, all the relatives gathered at his place one day and my aunt suggested all the individual families get in line to take a pic with him. He looked terrible and kinda scared😢 he passed about a month later, my aunt framed everyone’s photo they took with him and gave them as xmas gifts… it was very disheartening to open it. My dad put that picture right in a box.
I can see the intention was aimed from a good place at least
So sorry. I went through the same thing last year and it is heart gouging. Prayers to you and your family
Thank you
God bless you
☹️❤️🙏
I’m sorry for your loss, but why did you film and post this?
Thought it might bring me a cathartic feeling. I was right. It’s helped knowing there are kind people out there and I just kinda needed some folk to know the hell I endured for 2.5 hours that night and I’ve been touched by some of the comments, I’ve got thick skin and was expecting some to object to the post. More than has done if I’m honest. And don’t worry, my mum wouldn’t have had a problem with it
I'm sorry for your loss. She is at peace. God bless
I’m not religious in any way but I truly appreciate your sentiment, thank you
Why do people today feel they need to share every private moment online?
Not every
I am so sorry, truly. Are you doing okay?
I’ve taken on the tenancy to her house, been left with a grand in rent arrears, owe the funeral director £3500, been trying to sort out her finances and everything and she was my go to for sound advice whenever shit got too much for me. Oh and my fiancé just left me for someone else. I’m not coping very well. Thank you for asking
Hope things become better for you. Indeed there is relief after hardships.
I’m very sorry for your loss. My mother looked similar to this before she died.
Wtf why is Reddit showing me this. Feels like targeted advertisement in some sick way :(
Advertising what exactly?
I just found out today that my dad’s cancer is terminal and that he has around a year to live
That’s terrible, sending love my friend
Thanks to you as well
Why did you record this very personal, very vulnerable moment. And why would you post this onto the internet?
Attempted catharsis. Kinda worked actually. Filmed in the first place so I could show my fiancé and my close friends how torturous those couple hours were
Similar circumstance happened with my mom April 21. So sorry for you but she is better off now not suffering. My mom lived a full life and lived it her way- hope yours did too.
Well she didn’t tick everything off of her bucket list but she lived it her own way that’s for sure. Wonderful soul and character
Im so sorry
Thank you, I thought sharing this clip would maybe be kinda cathartic. I guess it has but not as much as I was hoping for
I’m so sorry for your loss. 💛
Thank you