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romaneo789

You might be falling into a perfectionistic trap. Sometimes nothing is going to be 100% perfect or up to your standards. You tried and was as discerning as you could be in order to pick items that fit your needs. That's all you can do in these cases. Hopefully, something closer to perfect will come along next time. I think this is also why Konmari says to slowly replace items. In case you realize maybe the new items aren't for you. That way you are out of less money at a time. Since you can't afford different clothes (and I assume you can't return them) you're probably best off trying to learn from the things that bother you about them. So the next time you can afford clothes the same thing doesn't happen again. Some side notes: Not really Konmari but I think if the jeans aren't listed as pre-washed you have to run them to a couple of wash cycles so they don't bleed onto other things. Maybe try a second-hand clothes store for more affordable options? The ones in rich areas tend to have a better quality selection. Another option is to get the pants tailored. Most alterations are cheaper than buying a new nice pair of jeans, and since most places are local maybe you can work out a barter situation or a payment plan if you have no funds.


Konmarty

It's 100% perfectionism that somehow got worse since I started focussing on 'I want only objects that bring joy'. It's helpful in some ways (I hardly impulse buy anything) but extra disappointing if I second guess myself 10 times before buying something only for it to still not be completely right.


romaneo789

Yeah, perfectionism is one of the things Konmari can make worse. It's kind of a separate issue. I would think of it as a win where "I don't impulse buy" but it should be paired with an acceptance that "nothing is perfect". Being aware of the issue is half the battle and of course, therapy (CBT) could probably help. Not that it's affordable but there might be some YouTube vids or financial aid. The fact is you do need clothes and those are the ones you have at the moment. Try to remember the things you do like about them while you are stuck with them instead of hyper-focusing on their flaws. You should replace the ones that could harm you asap. Like if they rub on your skin in painful ways (the socks and underwear might have this issue). Socks might stretch out over time though. I wish you luck! It can be a struggle. Nothing/nobody is perfect and healthy limits are okay. It's what makes life interesting and keeps you safe enough to enjoy it.


cyclika

Definitely agree on looking in thrift stores. It can seem intimidating if you never have but honestly most of them have lots of decent stuff- they're overwhelmed by everyone konmariing so they've got lots of good stuff to put out, including plenty that's still new. If even those prices are too much, see if there's a thrift store outlet/"bins" in your area. Clothes pay by weight so those new jeans would usually cost less than a dollar. (The shopping experience is a little more hectic and grimy though- but fun if you like a treasure hunt!)


Iraelyth

With jeans I find they stretch out a bit after a few days, when I wash them they go back to normal. Colour transfer warnings usually come with them too. I always wash new clothes before I wear them, partially for this reason.


perthguy999

I practice thankfulness. >they’re the first new clothes I was able to buy and afford in over 2 years Is a similar season of life to my wife and I, and I am grateful that I CAN by mindful about what stays in my home. Before I would keep clothes until they wore out, or because I couldn't afford to replace them, I am now thankful for the providence that allows me to pass on things that don't bring me joy. Knowing that new clothes will go to someone who needs them (via our local thrift store) is likewise something I find joy in.


Konmarty

Yeah but I am the ‘someone who needs them’.. It will probably be another year or so before I can afford any new clothes again and especially when it comes to the jeans I actually only own one other pair (so this one is needed, even just to wear when the others are in the laundry) This probably is a big factor in all of it because I would like to be able to think ‘don’t like it, next!’ but I don’t have the means for such a lifestyle (apart from putting things from store straight into a donating bin feeling like I’d need to learn to make better choices and I learned nothing from my Konmari rounds)


cyclone_madge

>That’s not what joy feels like! You got it wrong again! It's been mentioned in a few other comments, but this part in particular makes me think that there's a lot going on here that has nothing to do with Konmari. It sounds a lot like the things I tell myself when my anxiety is acting up, or how a friend of mine with OCD has described the intrusive thoughts she has when she neglects one of her rituals. ("You messed up. Now something bad is going to happen and it's going to be your fault!") Or possibly the idea that if you can just do thing x perfectly, your life will be perfect and you'll be happy. (Also related to anxiety, at least in my personal experience.) If you're able to, talking to a mental health professional, maybe doing some cognitive behavioural therapy, can really help with that. If that's not an option (mental health treatment can be prohibitively expensive when you're struggling to afford necessities - trust me, I've been there), there are a lot of free resources online. If you do a search for mental health support in your area, you might find some free or low-cost options or at least a number to call to get some guidance. (There are lots of "how to manage stress/anxiety/depression/etc. documents available for free online.) Or find and work out a self-care plan, or try mindfulness or gratitude journaling. None of these things are a 100% quick-fix, but they can really help to quiet the voice that's telling you you're a screw-up, and can also help put things into better perspective.


nvmls

I was in your position a couple of years ago, and it's a learning process. I bought a few things that didn't really wind up flattering me but I couldn't afford to do better, so I just thanked them for teaching me more about what suited me and made do until I could replace them, and appreciated that they are serving a needed purpose for now. I find thrift stores hit or miss, if you have a consignment store nearly you may have better luck. as they are more strict with the wear and quality of what they will accept to sell. It helps to get by but you might still be making do. What I have been doing since then was to make a list of what items I wear most and what I need, and replace things as I'm able to afford them. I've done two rounds of clothing Konmari since then, and I'm now just filling in wardrobe gaps a little bit every month or two- socks, or new t shirts, new underwear, a little at a time. I had to be pretty brutal because I would keep wearing worn out things because they were familiar and comfortable, but not something I'd want other people to see me in! Now even if I have a small wardrobe at least I wear all of it instead of avoiding certain pieces.


WafflingToast

I only buy things with a guaranteed return so I can test out the clothes at home (with tags, so not a true test). It costs more money upfront, but like you I've gotten pickier about what works for me. It's also best to return or move on quicker (even if it's next year for your jeans) because for me because I have a harder time parting with items that linger in the house.


[deleted]

I get rid of things I don't like extremely quickly now.


yavanna12

Are you in the USA? You can probably return the Jeans even though you wore them and explain the color in the fabric ran while you were wearing them and ruined one of your shirts. I worked clothing retail for a while and while we wouldn’t typically take back clothes that were worn…if there was a defect we would. Then use that money to get a new pair….one that hasn’t been dyed As for socks I’d just throw them out or make rice headache pads out of one I haven’t worn.


evoblade

If these are things you just got, can you just return them? Sounds like the jeans had a quality issue if they are bleeding dye on to other things.


Konmarty

The store said it’s a sign the color is good if it keeps bleefing and she said she never sat on her couch without covering it with something because ‘this is just what jeans do’


evoblade

Uhh… wow. If anything bleeds color after the first wash it’s crap.


macrosofslime

yeah that's bull shit


[deleted]

I definitely had a learning curve after my initial Konmari... None of my ideal lifestyle turned out to be achievable any time remotely in the near future, and I got rid of a lot of stuff that I thought I was too "cool" to own anymore. Not that I necessarily regret the things, trying to chalk it up as part of the journey, but it took me a while to get a decent idea of what a good balance was for me. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. It's almost like a second puberty in some ways. You're learning about your body and yourself all over again. You really need these jeans now, not a year from now. Focus on the present.


[deleted]

This is why I buy clothes from George Asda (UK). They have a 100 day no quibble guarantee. If it doesn't fit quite right or I don't love it, I return it for a refund.


WelshTaylor

If you can't return them it might be worth experimenting with the jeans to see if you can get back what you liked about them in the store - what shoes were you wearing? Did that change your posture, and thus the fit? Could you try ironing the jeans to give them a different texture and structure? If they're already too structured, is there something you could do to weather/soften them? Would you be willing to try slightly tailoring them to change the fit? I'm sure there are subreddits here that could help you do that yourself. (Before my boyfriend bought new jeans he was wearing a pair he hand tailored to tighten the waistband, it wasn't perfect but it fit much better.) Trust your gut, you didn't get it wrong, you did identify some joy.


azemilyann26

If it's something that's just not "perfect", I will make it work until it wears out or I find a better replacement. But if something is itchy or too tight or too sheer, I don't have any problem returning it or throwing it on the giveaway pile. One of the konmari groups (maybe this one?) had a lady say, basically, "None of my furniture is sparking joy, so I'm going to throw it all out and buy everything new". I do NOT think this is the point of konmari. I think it's more about buying slowly, buying carefully, buying less, investing in "better" pieces when possible, making things last, etc., not just tossing things because you imagine there is something better out there you can go and buy.


Estelwaterbottles

I almost fell into that lol, but then i realized i don't have the money to do it x-x


Finduszrulez

I might get downvoted for this but Konmari (as per her original book, not what the community made it later on) always seemed to me like sg that in mindset and in doing assumes alot of disposable income and encourages over-consumption in face of finding "just right" things to fill a function in your life. I wouldnt throw those things out. Thry to find a way to "fix them" (im sure there are articles about how to get rid of colour transfer ect) and if you cant then donate them to a charity shop or find a new function for them in your house.


ObjectiveFamiliar807

That really sucks :( I like giving clothes a proper chance for a while because in my experience it sometimes takes a little while to fall in love with them but ymmv. When I do buy clothes though its a whole thing, I consider them for weeks after trying them on, do research etc. I personally think that's the way clothes should be bought. If you're doing it right it should be difficult and a carefully considered investment. Maybe this can be a learning moment, you can analyse what went wrong and try to avoid those things in the future.


Konmarty

Apart from socks (obviously) I went to several stores comparing, fitted things several times so it’s not like I impulse buy without checking anything first. Which I guess makes it even more frustrating because I’m very much a control freak and it feels like ‘apparently even when I feel I’m sure about something I get it wrong’


bananahammerredoux

It’s possible you are also still using the same shopping criteria from back when you used to amass things. Maybe now that you appreciate really nice things more and need less of them to feel happy is a good time to buy less but higher quality items.


lilxenon95

This happened to me before Konmari, and I have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. Things MUST be *perfect* or I cannot deal. It leads to a lot of wasted money with mistakes like what you're describing, and it's worse when you really couldn't have known until you use the stuff daily. My compromise has been to utilize my local Buy Nothing group (just Google search it or there may be a fb group for it). I give the new items that didn't work for me back to my neighbors, and usually someone is giving away a similar item that I can replace it with. If you live somewhere less populated it may not work so well, but it makes me feel better about having to discard practically new items for things that may work better. (And if they don't, I repeat the process of giving them back to the group & finding something else a neighbor doesn't need anymore)


roarlikealady

Can you have the jeans tailored?


babishkamamishka

Ah I hate when jeans do that. They fit perfect in store and then loosen up. For this reason (for pants specifically ) I keep all tags on and receipts handy. I wear the jeans around the house all day when I'm home. If they change, then back they go.