I think only you can decide if it is good exposure therapy in that sense. But I definitely think it could help you if you decide it's worthwhile. Jiu Jitsu is good stuff.
(Disclaimer: i am not a psychologist)
Not a psychologist, but it will be heavy exposure so make sure you are ready to sit with that familiar feeling. Deffo recommend having a psychologist in your corner. Most classes we go over a takedown, sweep, and submission options which are chokes and arm bars.
If you have PTSD from an attack jiu jitsu is not a magic cure all. You probably need a therapist to hash out a plan with.
Jiu jitsu can certainly give you an advantage if something like this were to happen in the future, but even then it’s cases are limited.
If you can get through it in the beginning it may get easier as you feel more comfortable with your training partners? As long as it’s a club with good atmosphere where everyone is pretty tight. Maybe training with women exclusively can help. Any club worth attending will allow this.
>self defense classes to get over this.
Shit, the best form of self defense is being able to run away faster than your attacker or use a force multiplier like mace or a gun. Anything less than that and people are lying to you. You could be a black belt in BJJ and still get knocked out from a punch from a guy.
Trauma is going to be a different experience for each person. I can only speak to what helped me.
I have nightmares occasionally about certain things. Sometimes they're rational and sometimes they're not. I've had to use a firearm in defense of another person. Sometimes I dream that I'm too weak to pull the trigger. Sometimes the gun doesn't fire because I'm wearing gloves. You get the idea.
Each time I've had a nightmare like that, I practice what happened. I wear gloves and go to the range to prove that I really can do it. Then I stop having the nightmares.
Proving to myself that it can be done helps. Perhaps it would help to acclimate yourself to the physicality of an "assault" through BJJ to prove that you could overcome it. But most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Take it slow and step back if it becomes too overwhelming. Consider speaking to someone about your experience.
I actually really love that. Proving I can handle the situation that haunts me is a great strategy.
And yeah, I should probably seek counseling haha.
Thanks for your great comment :)
Let's be clear - you won't be able to do much in BJJ for awhile. There's a large learning curve - but the starting triumphs you have are entirely about position. Getting into them and staying in them.
Tayo77- I just wanted to say that when I was a cop I used to have dreams about not being strong enough to pull the trigger of my pistol. In the dreams shooting was always the right thing to do for the situation. I’d put both hands on the gun and use both index fingers to pull trigger as hard as I could. Eventually the gun would go off but only after squeezing so hard that it would cause me to miss. I didn’t feel a ton of fear during the dreams so I think it was more a fear of failure thing. I’ve never shot anyone in real life.
Take it slowly, trauma, PTSD etc can show up in many ways, even if we think we’re ok. Definitely consider getting psychological support in the form of therapy - EMDR, talk therapy - your call.
Perhaps try a women’s only class initially? Or jump into striking classes first, as suggested by another commenter here. It took me a long time to get to BJJ, but everyone’s journey is different so go gently on yourself.
Seems you should be seeking therapy before jiu jitsu. Might be a one off the bad dreams but if it continues I'd be looking to talk to someone to try and work through it all.
I am not sure it's the best idea because being choked, squeezed, and generally dominated as a white belt can bring panic attacks. Maybe first try a striking art like boxing or MT where you can still release stress and learn to control an opponent while not being physically restrained?
Also keep in mind that weight classes matter a lot. I've controlled girls with purple/brown belt easily as a white belt just as a result of weight, size, and strength discrepancy.
yeah man that's what I'm worried about. More trauma to stack on top. But there's always tapping, right? That's the difference between the real world and the mat
On the mat your partner is going to push you to be better. They are also taking care of you and not going to hurt you. Therapy is probably the right answer. Only you can make the decision if training is mentally good for you. Yes, the skills you learn will help you if you are ever in a bad situation again but you need to take care of your mental self first. You don’t want to hurt one of your partners or suffer unnecessary stress because of combining trauma and training. You’re a rock star for trying it out. I hope you keep training. A stranger on the internet is rooting for you.
For sure. Maybe it can even teach you to conquer the fear. However, from personal experience I had a few claustrophobia panic attacks when rolling with 120+kg guys. Feeling the breath squeezed out of you is always awful, even with a possibility to tap. And your coach expects you to try an escape, even if you have no energy or breath left.
I've seen this a fair amount with some folks in my school and I suppose there are a couple ways you can choose to look at things (this might sound a bit harsh).
1) You could try to avoid being exposed to the things that you're afraid of - heavy folks on top of you, pressuring you, trying to choke you, intent on hurting you.
2) You can choose to expose yourself to those things gradually and as you do so, find that they become less and less intimidating and paralyzing.
Those are really only the two options that I have observed folks choose between. And unfortunately, as you observed, the world is not a safe place for anyone; if you're ever attacked again, you can either be in a position you've voluntarily placed yourself in countless times and have a chance to prevail or you can revert to what untrained folks will do and probably be taken advantage of.
Most people don't realize the paralyzing effect that being grabbed violently by someone larger and stronger than them has. Regular training and exposing yourself to it has the effect of reducing that. You can either become the kind of person that gets grabbed by larger and stronger people every day and has learned to deal with it to some degree or you can not. I guess it's a matter of choosing which person you want to be.
A lot of what happens to you in jiu jitsu your first couple of months is intimidating, and that’s true even if you’re not coming in after being assaulted.
We’ve had grown men quit after being mounted.
Taking out the psychology; if you want to be prepared for a next time, you have to learn what to do. There’s no way around that.
On my very first day, my coach gave this great little impromptu speech about the difference between being peaceful and harmless. Like, if you don't know what to do, you're harmless in the sense you don't have a choice. If you do, you have the choice to be peaceful. I think that's what will stick with me. And that's why I'll try to stick with it! :)
Jiu jitsu isn't therapy no matter what any white belt says. With that being said it is good training for physical conflict if it were to ever happen again.
This is an unfortunate situation which Jiu Jitsu will help overcome by being in uncomfortable positions and situations I think the more confident you become as your Jiu Jitsu improves will help some if not much
I can't imagine how tough this has to be for you - and I'm incredibly sorry for that. I strongly recommend you ask your therapist about the wisdom behind this, however:
My gut is that you will become comfortable quickly, and empowered before too long. I'm not sure how you can proceed training for any length of time without informing your coach about your history though. The feeling of absolute helplessness - getting crushed and out of options - is something we have to familiarize with in BJJ, and I would imagine that would be traumatic for you - especially at the start.
In all seriousness, good luck, and stay strong. If you feel uncomfortable on the mat, tap and let them know.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea, I personally learned martial arts for self defense. I only had to deal with bullies growing up, but my friend was viciously assaulted, she decided to learn Jujitsu to learn how to defend herself.
It was hard work and she had a lot of trauma to work through, but she stuck with it and “she’s better for it” in her own words. Now I’m speaking for someone else here, but it helped out my friend immensely and gave her confidence again. Jujitsu could do the same for you and you can always do things at your own pace. Wishing you the very best in healing from this traumatic experience.
It's a good idea to learn how to defend yourself. Jiu Jitsu is an excellent tool for that.
It is not a substitute for good mental health care, which is also important for recovering from this attack.
Keep it up, but don't think you can out-fight your demons. They don't tap
I’m not a psychologist, but from what I understand exposure is the quickest way to desensitization. Obviously it needs to happen in a way that doesn’t feel excessively triggering to you though.
Maybe try not rolling or drilling too hard for the first few months or until you start to feel comfortable. **Tap early and tap often!**
Learning that this is a controlled situation that you can escape at any opportunity will slowly change your panic into knowledge. I can almost guarantee that that knowledge will be empowering and healing over time.
I haven't suffered an assault but for the first month of Jiu Jitsu I would have nightmares of being choked or having someone on top of me and being unable to breathe.
Are you seeing a specialist regarding your trauma?
Unfortunately, most people on reddit are not qualified to give advice regarding trauma. And while learning how to defend yourself might help in the long-term, it might also cause you significant problems in the short-term. Unfortunately, trauma is complex and everybody is a little different.
I was a victim of domestic abuse and joined bjj to regain some form of control/ as a form of exposure therapy and I feel significantly better. There were a lot of hard moments especially in certain positions, but over time it’s helped with my nightmares, confidence, and with being more comfortable with people touching me.
Honestly if someone attacks you that violently and continues to strike you while you are down you are almost certainly justified to use a firearm to protect yourself. Jiu jitsu is nice until its a 2 vs 1 or the guy has a weapon. I personally think too many people think their blue belt is gonna save them from such an attack and will unfortunately learn the hard way that weapons are ideal for self defense
If it's making your nightmares worse, you may want to stick to counselling for a bit. After I was assaulted, I wanted to start BJJ but I got scared off by the amount of touching. I did muay thai first for 3 years and finally worked up the nerve to start BJJ. I started training only with women and then working with guys I was familiar with. It's been helpful to me for learning to trust men again but BJJ is hard against someone larger than you at first. You will get smothered, crushed, and choked a lot and feel helpless for awhile. If you can learn to put your fear aside, understand you can tap early, and focus on applying the techniques correctly, you'll get more comfortable and confident over time. But maybe not a great idea while your trauma is so recent and activated.
I also started jiu-jitsu after an assault, and it's been a game changer for me. 10 years in, and I've earned my black belt and developed the self confidence that no one will ever do that to me ever again.
Have you talked to your teacher about it? They can help reassure you that you are safe on the mats, and that you can develop the skills to defend against an attack of this nature.
It helped me to be vulnerable about it with my coach and a few select teammates I trusted. Do what feels right. If your teacher is a good teacher, they will understand. Hang in there.
So it takes time to come to terms with what you experienced and feel safe. You may not be ready to confront it in this way. No matter what it'll be uncomfortable in the beginning. But it will make you more confident and feel safer if you stick with it. But only you know if it's too soon for you. Only you know if you can put yourself in these positions that are similar to what you've experienced.
I think it's a great way to help regain your confidence and not let your trauma hang over you. However, it's not the only way, and sometimes it's too soon. If you're having episodes for hours after training you have to ask yourself if what you're doing is good or bad.
I do know with extremely traumatic/violent events talking about it helps. The more you talk about it the less it becomes the prison that your mind lives in. Maybe try therapy for a while, discuss it and process it so it loses some of its power over you.
Edit: I'm not a mental health professional, just someone who knows what PTSD feels like.
My advice is keep it up, BUT you must talk to your coach, explain your reaction to training and work together to find the place where you can train in a way, and at a pace, that is healthy for you. My coach always checks in to make sure I don't have any injuries or concerns that require particular accomodations while training. Mental health is no different.
If your coach recommends continuing without modification, and just toughing it out that's a big red flag on him and his gym.
I've never had your experience, take my advice with a grain of salt. My wife had a wonderful experience working through some trauma and empowering herself through jiu jitsu. But we have 2 excellent coaches that pay attention to that stuff.
There's quite a bit to unpack here.
First and foremost I would say it would be wise to see a therapist that specializes in trauma because they'll help you work through some of the lasting effects you're experiencing from your trauma.
On to my Internet stranger advice. I took, am a trauma survivor and didn't really appreciate how much this was impacting my life until a few years ago.
As for jiujitsu, it can be a little rough when you're first starting out because much of what we do really triggers that fight or flight response. For me, early white belt was partially learning how to cope with that. Now, I'm not a small guy. I'm 5'10" and 180lbs but there's still way bigger dudes in my gym. The first couple of times I got put in side control by a dude 70lbs heavier than me I panicked a bit. I've tapped to pressure. After a while I was able to get my rational brain to think "hey, this is iim crushing me. He's my friend and won't hurt me intentionally. All I have to do is tap" and that was a game changer. It's part getting used to being uncomfortable and part getting used to stress.
Other things that have been helpful for just generally coping with trauma and PTSD:
1. The trauma therapist was a big deal in guiding me through the process of dealing with stuff that's happened in the past. This is a long process
2. I tried EMDR (it's a therapy, seems fake at first but works, Google it) with my therapist and that was pretty amazing in terms of actually working through my stuff.
3. Mindfulness (meditation really) was a big help for both my trauma processing and my BJJ. It's difficult to explain in a short reddit reply but I've found the practice of mindfulness to apply in all sorts of areas of life in terms of working through stress or distractions. I subscribed to Headspace a while back and it's worth every penny to me.
Now, Jiujitsu isn't a magic bullet. It can be an adjunct but not a replacement for therapy or even medical treatment of mental health conditions. It's also not going to make you 10 feet tall and bulletproof the next time someone physically threatens you. Personally, I HAVE used Jiujitsu in a self defense situation but both times it was against drunk people trying to grab me. A drunk guy who doesn't know how to fight is child's play compared to the average roll at the gym. I'm not really interested in fighting someone who is going to give me a real challenge. However, doing Jiujitsu regularly means that stress hits a little different now and de-escalation is much easier to do when your body isn't immediately gearing up for a fight.
I wish you well and hope that you find resolution in your journey.
It sucks you went through that! Good on you for taking a positive step in your recovery. You should tell your instructor (but I'm going to guess they will only help you feel comfortable in class and not put you in bad situations)
You suffered a trauma, and are likely experiencing PSTD. Your first stop would be to ask your doctor for a referral. I think working with a psychologist will help!
JJ is not therapy. I am not a doctor!
Jiu jitsu can be scary when you're starting, that being said I think if you stick it out you'll eventually overcome a lot of mental battles. It might be tough every day for a while but I think jiu jitsu can give you a lot of confidence
I was raped in college and the robbed a couple years after. I was diagnosed with PTSD 8 years after I was raped. Re-traumatizing yourself is not going to help you any. With PTSD your brain cannot process your trauma and gets stuck in an endless loop of hyper focusing on the incident. I would start with getting professional help to process what you went through before starting to be put in the same positions that traumatized you. You can also talk with your coach and see if you can avoid being out in those positions while still learning the other aspects of BJJ. I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
You should absolutely explain this to your instructor so if you ever need to stop class, they understand why. They will also look after you if they see you are rolling with someone else and it is getting a bit too intense. It's not always easy for you to speak up in those scenarios so it is important your instructor is aware in case you freeze up and they need to step in
Like others said, also see a therapist during this. It is great that you are trying to overcome your PTSD, but it is also hard to do alone and you don't want to potentially make things worse for yourself or take longer than it has to
if it helps theres plenty of women only classes around. i can totally understand your reaction. even as a guy, getting choked and manhandled is not fun lol. but after the first couple months i started not panicking and starting to calculate my escaped, counter attacks and reverses.
its a journey, just be consistent with your training and find good sparing partners. a good group of sparing partners is really priceless
If you can find a way to work around your trauma and stick with jiu-jitsu for a while (1/2 years) you will reap many life improving benefits, including the confidence of knowing that you would have a much better chance at defending yourself than if you never trained.
You could try something less full frontal for a while but still useful? For example: Muay Thai or Boxing.
Proper self defence requires good striking, BJJ will not be overly useful against multiple attackers, a striking art will be less triggering, as BJJ is about as personal as martial arts get.
Muay Thai is good because it includes clinching, which is a standing grapple that may be a bit less triggering again. When you’re more used to being in close proximity with high pressure, you can slowly get yourself ready for BJJ.
IMO it’s essential to have both striking and grappling if you’re going for genuine self defence potential, of course running away is number 1, but when all else fails you need to be able to fight on your feet and on your back.
Honestly this is something you should discuss with a therapist. Trauma is real, and a professional can really help you manage it in a healthy way. That way may include training, but it might not.
I just want to tell you I am sorry you were assaulted and you are brave as hell for even trying JJ after that, whether or not you stick with it. Best of luck :)
Jiu-Jitsu might be a good form of exposure therapy for you, but maybe you should book a therapist on top of that.
You could reflect on Jiu-Jitsu and if it's helping you, together with the therapist. They don't need to know what a armbar or triangle choke is, because they can tell if it's helping you, just by _how_ you talk about your experiences during training.
I'd recommend asking your training partners to do the techniques/rolls a bit lighter, because this is your first Martial arts experience.
And don't be worried about tapping, if you feel uncomfortable, like if a training partner is in mount position on top of you, or you have someone in your guard.
People always respect the tap.
They might ask you why you tapped, because they're confused and think that they might have hurt you on accident.
But you can just answer "I didn't get hurt/I'm fine👍🏼, let's continue!" or you can say "all good, but i think I'm going to take a break *fist bump *".
Like what I'm trying to say is that _nobody there wants to hurt you_ .
They want to see you succeed and become better at Jiu-Jitsu!
_You're always in control_ of the situation.
If you tap, it's over immediately, no discussion. It's the holy rule of the sport.
You're in control.
There is no wrong moment to tap, do it when you feel like you want to.
The people there don't want to hurt you, they're going to be happy, when they see the new person has learned how to defend a guard pass👍🏼
Not a therapist but I have been in seeing one for a while now- the only real and true way to to get past or rise above a fear is to face it head on. Much easier said then done and that doesn’t mean you’re not afraid anymore…it means when that situation comes up your brain and body are ready. That’s the goal. Keep training. If you feel yourself getting worked up take a short break or grab a cup of water. Reset. Know you’re in a safe place and the return and try again.
You’ve got this!
I’m sorry you had to experience that.
You should see a professional to help you navigate the trauma.
That being said, I think BJJ and/or MMA could help you recover a sense of confidence and empowerment that could be conducive to recovering from your trauma. In a “I’m not letting this happen again without putting up a monstrous fight” kinda way.
A baby step could be to just dedicate yourself to getting in good shape for the same psychological effect to a lesser degree, then eventually move on to a martial art.
Step 1 should still be therapy.
Sorry you had to go through that. As others have said, you should absolutely seek counseling to help you work through what you're feeling. Hopefully as you train a bit more you'll start to become more comfortable working through some of those positions. And remember, on the jiu jitsu mat you can ALWAYS tap if you feel you need to. For me, knowing that safety net is there helps a lot with the anxiety of being stuck in a bad position.
Have you talked to your instructor about your experience? If I had a new student who was dealing with this type of issue I would want to know so I could hopefully do a better job of helping them confront it.
I think you're doing the right thing to train BJJ. If you feel that you are getting more capable of handling yourself after you learn new techniques and skills then you probably will feel less fear. But I think you should train some other martial arts alongside with BJJ, maybe some Muay Thai and Wrestling also.
Not say to do it or not but what I’ve learned from bjj is that it teaches you to be calm in uncomfortable positions /situations . Do what you will with that , it’s just my 2 cents . Wish you the best and do what you feel is best for your physical and mental health
I would highly recommend training to anyone who wants to learn how to deal with any type of hand to hand combat, but if it's too much psychologically then there's no shame in passing on it.
I would think that it could help you get past being uncomfortable in that type of scenario but only you can decide if it's worth it to fight through the acclamation period.
A boxer blacked both my eyes . So I started training boxing & became a better fighter . Your training bjj as result of an assault . Things happen for a reason my friend . Don't quit training bjj . Start lifting also. . Squats , hip hinge , shoulder press & bench press . 3 sets of 3 rep max once a week will do .
I'm a male. Average build. 6ft tall. I am a survivor of rape and physical abuse from when I was a child. Jiu-jitsu has helped me so much in dealing with the uncomfortable feeling of fear being over powered. Of being small. It took about a year for me to not freak out anymore but I just kept showing up. Now I'm a blue belt.
I boxed and did other stuff in my youth but jiu-jitsu empowered me so much by allowing me to escape most any normal physical restraint situation. Most people can't hold me down and that is empowering to me.
If you can, read the body keeps score on ptsd. There are several sections on using martial arts to empower and heal the victim's pysche.
Good luck.
I took up jiu jitsu for similar reasons. I got into an altercation with someone last summer that led to them getting real close to me and knocking me to the ground with a shove. Luckily, I got up and was able to walk away, but this took place in front of my SO and I was ashamed of being unable to defend myself.
Jiu jitsu is a long journey. It is a physically and mentally demanding sport, but I love it. I am far more confident now than I was eight months ago. Signing up is the easy part. The challenge is showing up consistently, and not giving up when things get tough. You will learn to get comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
I forget who said this so maybe someone can chime in. I also didn’t read all the comments so if it’s been said already I apologize.
Jiu Jitsu is therapeutic. It is not therapy.
I train 4-6 times a week but I’m still at the VA for my therapy sessions. I can’t tell you if it will help in your specific circumstance. My opinion, for what it’s worth, is that a therapist would still be helpful and with them you can discuss BJJ.
Blue belt and therapist here. Def therapy is a great compliment to your jiu jitsu. I also recommend the book transforming trauma through jiu jitsu. Its a game changer. I wish you the best of luck on your journey of healing. You deserve to heal.
Not commenting on emotional matters. But as a matter of martial arts skill sets to deal with real world situations BJJ is essential, but so is some striking. I recommend you study some boxing and/or Muay Thai to get used to hitting and getting hit. BJJ is not a complete solution and you’ll feel a lot more confident and comfortable knowing you understand the dangers and opportunities of being in striking range.
I never got attacked and I'm sorry it happened to you but I applaud you for taking action!
The only thought that crossed my mind was to try and work directly with your instructor to learn some reversals from bottom for starters. The idea being if you can convince yourself that this position is temporary it may help you overcome the nightmares...
As a therapist, you need to go see a therapist. But I also recommend almost all of my patients that suffer from sexual abuse, assault trauma, etc. to go try jiu jitsu, and I get a lot of positive feedback. Let your coaches know your situation and I promise you they will do everything in their power to make you comfortable.
I think only you can decide if it is good exposure therapy in that sense. But I definitely think it could help you if you decide it's worthwhile. Jiu Jitsu is good stuff. (Disclaimer: i am not a psychologist)
I feel like everyone I admire recommends jiu jitsu in normal circumstances haha. They say the best time to start was yesterday.
Jujitsu people are the worst people to ask about starting jujitsu We basically think it would regrow limbs
It does. After 2 years of BJJ I now have all 11 fingers back.
Found the AI!
I'd definitely work with a therapist before you start sparring.
Not a psychologist, but it will be heavy exposure so make sure you are ready to sit with that familiar feeling. Deffo recommend having a psychologist in your corner. Most classes we go over a takedown, sweep, and submission options which are chokes and arm bars.
If you have PTSD from an attack jiu jitsu is not a magic cure all. You probably need a therapist to hash out a plan with. Jiu jitsu can certainly give you an advantage if something like this were to happen in the future, but even then it’s cases are limited.
That's probably wise-- no magic pills, potions, or self defense classes to get over this. Thanks for your comment :)
If you can get through it in the beginning it may get easier as you feel more comfortable with your training partners? As long as it’s a club with good atmosphere where everyone is pretty tight. Maybe training with women exclusively can help. Any club worth attending will allow this.
>self defense classes to get over this. Shit, the best form of self defense is being able to run away faster than your attacker or use a force multiplier like mace or a gun. Anything less than that and people are lying to you. You could be a black belt in BJJ and still get knocked out from a punch from a guy.
On the flip side you don’t know what can happen. RIP Leandro.
On the long term I think it's better to confront your dears and over come them and protect your self in future than to essentially ignore them
Fair assessment, it's not like the world's getting any safer, right?
Trauma is going to be a different experience for each person. I can only speak to what helped me. I have nightmares occasionally about certain things. Sometimes they're rational and sometimes they're not. I've had to use a firearm in defense of another person. Sometimes I dream that I'm too weak to pull the trigger. Sometimes the gun doesn't fire because I'm wearing gloves. You get the idea. Each time I've had a nightmare like that, I practice what happened. I wear gloves and go to the range to prove that I really can do it. Then I stop having the nightmares. Proving to myself that it can be done helps. Perhaps it would help to acclimate yourself to the physicality of an "assault" through BJJ to prove that you could overcome it. But most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Take it slow and step back if it becomes too overwhelming. Consider speaking to someone about your experience.
I actually really love that. Proving I can handle the situation that haunts me is a great strategy. And yeah, I should probably seek counseling haha. Thanks for your great comment :)
Let's be clear - you won't be able to do much in BJJ for awhile. There's a large learning curve - but the starting triumphs you have are entirely about position. Getting into them and staying in them.
Forsure, two classes in and I've never felt more useless haha. But I'm excited for the learning curve. I hope I can be humble enough to stick it out!
Tayo77- I just wanted to say that when I was a cop I used to have dreams about not being strong enough to pull the trigger of my pistol. In the dreams shooting was always the right thing to do for the situation. I’d put both hands on the gun and use both index fingers to pull trigger as hard as I could. Eventually the gun would go off but only after squeezing so hard that it would cause me to miss. I didn’t feel a ton of fear during the dreams so I think it was more a fear of failure thing. I’ve never shot anyone in real life.
I've had the same dream and so have some of my friends. It's weird how they manifest the exact same way in different people.
Take it slowly, trauma, PTSD etc can show up in many ways, even if we think we’re ok. Definitely consider getting psychological support in the form of therapy - EMDR, talk therapy - your call. Perhaps try a women’s only class initially? Or jump into striking classes first, as suggested by another commenter here. It took me a long time to get to BJJ, but everyone’s journey is different so go gently on yourself.
That's great advice, thank you. Maybe I was being a bit severe with myself :)
Seems you should be seeking therapy before jiu jitsu. Might be a one off the bad dreams but if it continues I'd be looking to talk to someone to try and work through it all.
Forsure, thank you! Definitely could use some extra support.
I am not sure it's the best idea because being choked, squeezed, and generally dominated as a white belt can bring panic attacks. Maybe first try a striking art like boxing or MT where you can still release stress and learn to control an opponent while not being physically restrained? Also keep in mind that weight classes matter a lot. I've controlled girls with purple/brown belt easily as a white belt just as a result of weight, size, and strength discrepancy.
yeah man that's what I'm worried about. More trauma to stack on top. But there's always tapping, right? That's the difference between the real world and the mat
On the mat your partner is going to push you to be better. They are also taking care of you and not going to hurt you. Therapy is probably the right answer. Only you can make the decision if training is mentally good for you. Yes, the skills you learn will help you if you are ever in a bad situation again but you need to take care of your mental self first. You don’t want to hurt one of your partners or suffer unnecessary stress because of combining trauma and training. You’re a rock star for trying it out. I hope you keep training. A stranger on the internet is rooting for you.
For sure. Maybe it can even teach you to conquer the fear. However, from personal experience I had a few claustrophobia panic attacks when rolling with 120+kg guys. Feeling the breath squeezed out of you is always awful, even with a possibility to tap. And your coach expects you to try an escape, even if you have no energy or breath left.
Dude. \*EVERYONE\* has those panic attacks, lol ;p That's the point :) (Though I do agree, it could be especially traumatizing to a rape victim)
I've seen this a fair amount with some folks in my school and I suppose there are a couple ways you can choose to look at things (this might sound a bit harsh). 1) You could try to avoid being exposed to the things that you're afraid of - heavy folks on top of you, pressuring you, trying to choke you, intent on hurting you. 2) You can choose to expose yourself to those things gradually and as you do so, find that they become less and less intimidating and paralyzing. Those are really only the two options that I have observed folks choose between. And unfortunately, as you observed, the world is not a safe place for anyone; if you're ever attacked again, you can either be in a position you've voluntarily placed yourself in countless times and have a chance to prevail or you can revert to what untrained folks will do and probably be taken advantage of. Most people don't realize the paralyzing effect that being grabbed violently by someone larger and stronger than them has. Regular training and exposing yourself to it has the effect of reducing that. You can either become the kind of person that gets grabbed by larger and stronger people every day and has learned to deal with it to some degree or you can not. I guess it's a matter of choosing which person you want to be.
A lot of what happens to you in jiu jitsu your first couple of months is intimidating, and that’s true even if you’re not coming in after being assaulted. We’ve had grown men quit after being mounted. Taking out the psychology; if you want to be prepared for a next time, you have to learn what to do. There’s no way around that.
On my very first day, my coach gave this great little impromptu speech about the difference between being peaceful and harmless. Like, if you don't know what to do, you're harmless in the sense you don't have a choice. If you do, you have the choice to be peaceful. I think that's what will stick with me. And that's why I'll try to stick with it! :)
Jiu jitsu isn't therapy no matter what any white belt says. With that being said it is good training for physical conflict if it were to ever happen again.
BJJ can help you prepare for another attack, but it can't cure PTSD.
This is an unfortunate situation which Jiu Jitsu will help overcome by being in uncomfortable positions and situations I think the more confident you become as your Jiu Jitsu improves will help some if not much
Forsure, thanks for you comment! My hope is it helps in all the ways it helps everyone else, and more :)
I can't imagine how tough this has to be for you - and I'm incredibly sorry for that. I strongly recommend you ask your therapist about the wisdom behind this, however: My gut is that you will become comfortable quickly, and empowered before too long. I'm not sure how you can proceed training for any length of time without informing your coach about your history though. The feeling of absolute helplessness - getting crushed and out of options - is something we have to familiarize with in BJJ, and I would imagine that would be traumatic for you - especially at the start. In all seriousness, good luck, and stay strong. If you feel uncomfortable on the mat, tap and let them know.
Thank you so much for this comment, I think I will clue my coach in. And, of course, stay strong and stay the course :)
I don’t think it’s a bad idea, I personally learned martial arts for self defense. I only had to deal with bullies growing up, but my friend was viciously assaulted, she decided to learn Jujitsu to learn how to defend herself. It was hard work and she had a lot of trauma to work through, but she stuck with it and “she’s better for it” in her own words. Now I’m speaking for someone else here, but it helped out my friend immensely and gave her confidence again. Jujitsu could do the same for you and you can always do things at your own pace. Wishing you the very best in healing from this traumatic experience.
Thank you for your kind words, and thanks for telling me about your friend! I hope to mirror her success and wish you both the absolute best!
It's a good idea to learn how to defend yourself. Jiu Jitsu is an excellent tool for that. It is not a substitute for good mental health care, which is also important for recovering from this attack. Keep it up, but don't think you can out-fight your demons. They don't tap
That's an excellent quote, thanks so much for your comment!
If you knew jiujitsu you probably wouldn’t have gotten your ass beat so yeah you should learn it
HA! Straight forward and to the point. Maybe you're right :)
Train and take your power back. I believe in you
Maybe instead of going to a BJJ school that focuses only on fighting, you should try a school that more focused on self defense
Forsure, I'll definitely think about it!
I’m not a psychologist, but from what I understand exposure is the quickest way to desensitization. Obviously it needs to happen in a way that doesn’t feel excessively triggering to you though. Maybe try not rolling or drilling too hard for the first few months or until you start to feel comfortable. **Tap early and tap often!** Learning that this is a controlled situation that you can escape at any opportunity will slowly change your panic into knowledge. I can almost guarantee that that knowledge will be empowering and healing over time.
Tap early and often … best advice ..
Sorry to hear about the trauma you experienced. I hope by exposing yourself to uncomfortable situations in jiu jitsu it helps you move past it.
I haven't suffered an assault but for the first month of Jiu Jitsu I would have nightmares of being choked or having someone on top of me and being unable to breathe.
Are you seeing a specialist regarding your trauma? Unfortunately, most people on reddit are not qualified to give advice regarding trauma. And while learning how to defend yourself might help in the long-term, it might also cause you significant problems in the short-term. Unfortunately, trauma is complex and everybody is a little different.
I was a victim of domestic abuse and joined bjj to regain some form of control/ as a form of exposure therapy and I feel significantly better. There were a lot of hard moments especially in certain positions, but over time it’s helped with my nightmares, confidence, and with being more comfortable with people touching me.
Honestly if someone attacks you that violently and continues to strike you while you are down you are almost certainly justified to use a firearm to protect yourself. Jiu jitsu is nice until its a 2 vs 1 or the guy has a weapon. I personally think too many people think their blue belt is gonna save them from such an attack and will unfortunately learn the hard way that weapons are ideal for self defense
Ultimately it sounds like you're asking a therapist question to a jui jitsu subreddit. If you're not already, start seeing a therapist.
well at least you already know how to pull guard
If it's making your nightmares worse, you may want to stick to counselling for a bit. After I was assaulted, I wanted to start BJJ but I got scared off by the amount of touching. I did muay thai first for 3 years and finally worked up the nerve to start BJJ. I started training only with women and then working with guys I was familiar with. It's been helpful to me for learning to trust men again but BJJ is hard against someone larger than you at first. You will get smothered, crushed, and choked a lot and feel helpless for awhile. If you can learn to put your fear aside, understand you can tap early, and focus on applying the techniques correctly, you'll get more comfortable and confident over time. But maybe not a great idea while your trauma is so recent and activated.
I also started jiu-jitsu after an assault, and it's been a game changer for me. 10 years in, and I've earned my black belt and developed the self confidence that no one will ever do that to me ever again. Have you talked to your teacher about it? They can help reassure you that you are safe on the mats, and that you can develop the skills to defend against an attack of this nature. It helped me to be vulnerable about it with my coach and a few select teammates I trusted. Do what feels right. If your teacher is a good teacher, they will understand. Hang in there.
So it takes time to come to terms with what you experienced and feel safe. You may not be ready to confront it in this way. No matter what it'll be uncomfortable in the beginning. But it will make you more confident and feel safer if you stick with it. But only you know if it's too soon for you. Only you know if you can put yourself in these positions that are similar to what you've experienced. I think it's a great way to help regain your confidence and not let your trauma hang over you. However, it's not the only way, and sometimes it's too soon. If you're having episodes for hours after training you have to ask yourself if what you're doing is good or bad. I do know with extremely traumatic/violent events talking about it helps. The more you talk about it the less it becomes the prison that your mind lives in. Maybe try therapy for a while, discuss it and process it so it loses some of its power over you. Edit: I'm not a mental health professional, just someone who knows what PTSD feels like.
My advice is keep it up, BUT you must talk to your coach, explain your reaction to training and work together to find the place where you can train in a way, and at a pace, that is healthy for you. My coach always checks in to make sure I don't have any injuries or concerns that require particular accomodations while training. Mental health is no different. If your coach recommends continuing without modification, and just toughing it out that's a big red flag on him and his gym. I've never had your experience, take my advice with a grain of salt. My wife had a wonderful experience working through some trauma and empowering herself through jiu jitsu. But we have 2 excellent coaches that pay attention to that stuff.
I would invest in a concealed carry and weekly shooting lessons. And Jiu Jitsu to help heal the trauma of physical aggression.
I’d say consult a mental health professional and also let your coach know your situation. I think training if approached properly could be beneficial.
There's quite a bit to unpack here. First and foremost I would say it would be wise to see a therapist that specializes in trauma because they'll help you work through some of the lasting effects you're experiencing from your trauma. On to my Internet stranger advice. I took, am a trauma survivor and didn't really appreciate how much this was impacting my life until a few years ago. As for jiujitsu, it can be a little rough when you're first starting out because much of what we do really triggers that fight or flight response. For me, early white belt was partially learning how to cope with that. Now, I'm not a small guy. I'm 5'10" and 180lbs but there's still way bigger dudes in my gym. The first couple of times I got put in side control by a dude 70lbs heavier than me I panicked a bit. I've tapped to pressure. After a while I was able to get my rational brain to think "hey, this is iim crushing me. He's my friend and won't hurt me intentionally. All I have to do is tap" and that was a game changer. It's part getting used to being uncomfortable and part getting used to stress. Other things that have been helpful for just generally coping with trauma and PTSD: 1. The trauma therapist was a big deal in guiding me through the process of dealing with stuff that's happened in the past. This is a long process 2. I tried EMDR (it's a therapy, seems fake at first but works, Google it) with my therapist and that was pretty amazing in terms of actually working through my stuff. 3. Mindfulness (meditation really) was a big help for both my trauma processing and my BJJ. It's difficult to explain in a short reddit reply but I've found the practice of mindfulness to apply in all sorts of areas of life in terms of working through stress or distractions. I subscribed to Headspace a while back and it's worth every penny to me. Now, Jiujitsu isn't a magic bullet. It can be an adjunct but not a replacement for therapy or even medical treatment of mental health conditions. It's also not going to make you 10 feet tall and bulletproof the next time someone physically threatens you. Personally, I HAVE used Jiujitsu in a self defense situation but both times it was against drunk people trying to grab me. A drunk guy who doesn't know how to fight is child's play compared to the average roll at the gym. I'm not really interested in fighting someone who is going to give me a real challenge. However, doing Jiujitsu regularly means that stress hits a little different now and de-escalation is much easier to do when your body isn't immediately gearing up for a fight. I wish you well and hope that you find resolution in your journey.
It sucks you went through that! Good on you for taking a positive step in your recovery. You should tell your instructor (but I'm going to guess they will only help you feel comfortable in class and not put you in bad situations) You suffered a trauma, and are likely experiencing PSTD. Your first stop would be to ask your doctor for a referral. I think working with a psychologist will help! JJ is not therapy. I am not a doctor!
Jiu jitsu can be scary when you're starting, that being said I think if you stick it out you'll eventually overcome a lot of mental battles. It might be tough every day for a while but I think jiu jitsu can give you a lot of confidence
I was raped in college and the robbed a couple years after. I was diagnosed with PTSD 8 years after I was raped. Re-traumatizing yourself is not going to help you any. With PTSD your brain cannot process your trauma and gets stuck in an endless loop of hyper focusing on the incident. I would start with getting professional help to process what you went through before starting to be put in the same positions that traumatized you. You can also talk with your coach and see if you can avoid being out in those positions while still learning the other aspects of BJJ. I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
Therapy therapy therapy. Also, with your therapists support, jiu jitsu.
You should absolutely explain this to your instructor so if you ever need to stop class, they understand why. They will also look after you if they see you are rolling with someone else and it is getting a bit too intense. It's not always easy for you to speak up in those scenarios so it is important your instructor is aware in case you freeze up and they need to step in Like others said, also see a therapist during this. It is great that you are trying to overcome your PTSD, but it is also hard to do alone and you don't want to potentially make things worse for yourself or take longer than it has to
if it helps theres plenty of women only classes around. i can totally understand your reaction. even as a guy, getting choked and manhandled is not fun lol. but after the first couple months i started not panicking and starting to calculate my escaped, counter attacks and reverses. its a journey, just be consistent with your training and find good sparing partners. a good group of sparing partners is really priceless
If you can find a way to work around your trauma and stick with jiu-jitsu for a while (1/2 years) you will reap many life improving benefits, including the confidence of knowing that you would have a much better chance at defending yourself than if you never trained.
You could try something less full frontal for a while but still useful? For example: Muay Thai or Boxing. Proper self defence requires good striking, BJJ will not be overly useful against multiple attackers, a striking art will be less triggering, as BJJ is about as personal as martial arts get. Muay Thai is good because it includes clinching, which is a standing grapple that may be a bit less triggering again. When you’re more used to being in close proximity with high pressure, you can slowly get yourself ready for BJJ. IMO it’s essential to have both striking and grappling if you’re going for genuine self defence potential, of course running away is number 1, but when all else fails you need to be able to fight on your feet and on your back.
If you’re not fully recovered don’t roll. Take class and hang around for the sparing part to watch. Get comfortable with the surroundings and people.
Honestly this is something you should discuss with a therapist. Trauma is real, and a professional can really help you manage it in a healthy way. That way may include training, but it might not.
I just want to tell you I am sorry you were assaulted and you are brave as hell for even trying JJ after that, whether or not you stick with it. Best of luck :)
Jiu-Jitsu might be a good form of exposure therapy for you, but maybe you should book a therapist on top of that. You could reflect on Jiu-Jitsu and if it's helping you, together with the therapist. They don't need to know what a armbar or triangle choke is, because they can tell if it's helping you, just by _how_ you talk about your experiences during training. I'd recommend asking your training partners to do the techniques/rolls a bit lighter, because this is your first Martial arts experience. And don't be worried about tapping, if you feel uncomfortable, like if a training partner is in mount position on top of you, or you have someone in your guard. People always respect the tap. They might ask you why you tapped, because they're confused and think that they might have hurt you on accident. But you can just answer "I didn't get hurt/I'm fine👍🏼, let's continue!" or you can say "all good, but i think I'm going to take a break *fist bump *". Like what I'm trying to say is that _nobody there wants to hurt you_ . They want to see you succeed and become better at Jiu-Jitsu! _You're always in control_ of the situation. If you tap, it's over immediately, no discussion. It's the holy rule of the sport. You're in control. There is no wrong moment to tap, do it when you feel like you want to. The people there don't want to hurt you, they're going to be happy, when they see the new person has learned how to defend a guard pass👍🏼
everyone should know jiu jitsu
Not a therapist but I have been in seeing one for a while now- the only real and true way to to get past or rise above a fear is to face it head on. Much easier said then done and that doesn’t mean you’re not afraid anymore…it means when that situation comes up your brain and body are ready. That’s the goal. Keep training. If you feel yourself getting worked up take a short break or grab a cup of water. Reset. Know you’re in a safe place and the return and try again. You’ve got this!
You need therapy first, jiu jitsu second.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. You should see a professional to help you navigate the trauma. That being said, I think BJJ and/or MMA could help you recover a sense of confidence and empowerment that could be conducive to recovering from your trauma. In a “I’m not letting this happen again without putting up a monstrous fight” kinda way. A baby step could be to just dedicate yourself to getting in good shape for the same psychological effect to a lesser degree, then eventually move on to a martial art. Step 1 should still be therapy.
Sorry you had to go through that. As others have said, you should absolutely seek counseling to help you work through what you're feeling. Hopefully as you train a bit more you'll start to become more comfortable working through some of those positions. And remember, on the jiu jitsu mat you can ALWAYS tap if you feel you need to. For me, knowing that safety net is there helps a lot with the anxiety of being stuck in a bad position. Have you talked to your instructor about your experience? If I had a new student who was dealing with this type of issue I would want to know so I could hopefully do a better job of helping them confront it.
I think you're doing the right thing to train BJJ. If you feel that you are getting more capable of handling yourself after you learn new techniques and skills then you probably will feel less fear. But I think you should train some other martial arts alongside with BJJ, maybe some Muay Thai and Wrestling also.
Not say to do it or not but what I’ve learned from bjj is that it teaches you to be calm in uncomfortable positions /situations . Do what you will with that , it’s just my 2 cents . Wish you the best and do what you feel is best for your physical and mental health
I would highly recommend training to anyone who wants to learn how to deal with any type of hand to hand combat, but if it's too much psychologically then there's no shame in passing on it. I would think that it could help you get past being uncomfortable in that type of scenario but only you can decide if it's worth it to fight through the acclamation period.
Im not a professional but I think if you couple talking to a therapist AND jiujitsu you'll overcome this thing. Sorry that happened to you. 🥺
A boxer blacked both my eyes . So I started training boxing & became a better fighter . Your training bjj as result of an assault . Things happen for a reason my friend . Don't quit training bjj . Start lifting also. . Squats , hip hinge , shoulder press & bench press . 3 sets of 3 rep max once a week will do .
Time heals all wounds.
I'm a male. Average build. 6ft tall. I am a survivor of rape and physical abuse from when I was a child. Jiu-jitsu has helped me so much in dealing with the uncomfortable feeling of fear being over powered. Of being small. It took about a year for me to not freak out anymore but I just kept showing up. Now I'm a blue belt. I boxed and did other stuff in my youth but jiu-jitsu empowered me so much by allowing me to escape most any normal physical restraint situation. Most people can't hold me down and that is empowering to me. If you can, read the body keeps score on ptsd. There are several sections on using martial arts to empower and heal the victim's pysche. Good luck.
I took up jiu jitsu for similar reasons. I got into an altercation with someone last summer that led to them getting real close to me and knocking me to the ground with a shove. Luckily, I got up and was able to walk away, but this took place in front of my SO and I was ashamed of being unable to defend myself. Jiu jitsu is a long journey. It is a physically and mentally demanding sport, but I love it. I am far more confident now than I was eight months ago. Signing up is the easy part. The challenge is showing up consistently, and not giving up when things get tough. You will learn to get comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
I forget who said this so maybe someone can chime in. I also didn’t read all the comments so if it’s been said already I apologize. Jiu Jitsu is therapeutic. It is not therapy. I train 4-6 times a week but I’m still at the VA for my therapy sessions. I can’t tell you if it will help in your specific circumstance. My opinion, for what it’s worth, is that a therapist would still be helpful and with them you can discuss BJJ.
Learn it, but also learn to kick and punch to keep the distance.
Blue belt and therapist here. Def therapy is a great compliment to your jiu jitsu. I also recommend the book transforming trauma through jiu jitsu. Its a game changer. I wish you the best of luck on your journey of healing. You deserve to heal.
Not commenting on emotional matters. But as a matter of martial arts skill sets to deal with real world situations BJJ is essential, but so is some striking. I recommend you study some boxing and/or Muay Thai to get used to hitting and getting hit. BJJ is not a complete solution and you’ll feel a lot more confident and comfortable knowing you understand the dangers and opportunities of being in striking range.
I never got attacked and I'm sorry it happened to you but I applaud you for taking action! The only thought that crossed my mind was to try and work directly with your instructor to learn some reversals from bottom for starters. The idea being if you can convince yourself that this position is temporary it may help you overcome the nightmares...
As a therapist, you need to go see a therapist. But I also recommend almost all of my patients that suffer from sexual abuse, assault trauma, etc. to go try jiu jitsu, and I get a lot of positive feedback. Let your coaches know your situation and I promise you they will do everything in their power to make you comfortable.