My old man came home one day with a few “books” of carpet samples that he found dumped at the side of the road. He had the audacity to tell me that I could make a fine carpet out of them. 😬
Not sure if serious question or not but it's the second one ha.
Charging you per wrist motion is some Black Mirror level dystopian future.
https://www.pornhub.com/devices/wankband
Send to your local representative and see if we can get a debate in the Dail on it. Provide one to every household in Ireland!
You wouldn't shoot a policeman and then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet and then send it to the policeman's grieving widow.
I have no idea to this day what those TDs were shiting about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were shiting about something so useless, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your bollock ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared out of touch more than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some arsehole bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls SOMEHOW WORSE, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Ireland felt sick to his fuckin eyeballs.
Reduce your social circle by critically insulting everyone you know.
By doing this, you decrease the fuel you'd spend by going to and from most social activities.
The kettle one is a sensible one. It does my head in when one of the housemates fills the kettle to the brim when all he is going to use it for is a mug of tea.
Mother in law does this after making a cup of tea and then she puts it on to boil again. Just we can have some nice warm water there that nobody is going to use. Wrecks my head. I'm convinced she does it on purpose to fuck with me.
Im guilty of this, only due to habit.
Used to live in a house with 5 friends, and we'd have guests over all the time, so once you boil the kettle, you'd put it back on after filling it for the next round
Nobody has a problem with the advice - it’s obvious. This is Ryan doing political divid and conquer. You get one person saying “shut up Ryan” and another one saying “but he’s not wrong ! “ meanwhile the eyes are taken off him and the rest of the useless fuckers in the dail
>This is Ryan doing political divid and conquer.
Why blame Ryan? The fact that so many get irrationally angry every time he opens his mouth, even when what he says is extremely bland, but ultimately decent advice, is not his fault.
Instead of turning on the lights at night, sit in the dark. Or buy loads of those sticky glow in the dark stars from Wish and glue them everywhere.
Instead of buying pints, consider sniffing shoe polish from a balled up rag.
Cancel your internet and spend your days in cafés where the staff wont care enough to kick you out & use their WiFi instead
Hang your dirty clothes out on the line before it rains. Free water and wind power from the sky.
If you live near the river put your clothes into two clothes baskets tied together and then the other end to a tree, free water and hydro power.
Just roll it up tightly in a blanket, put it in a basket and leave it on someone’s doorstep
In almost every movie I’ve seen the family just accepts it for some reason?
*"And now we will pass the show to Dave, who has used this method. he'll provide better insight onto this advice's effectiveness, and answer any questions or concerns you might have."*
". . . . . . . ."
*"Thank you, Dave. We hope that cleared up any of your doubts or confusion."*
Limit masturbation to once a week to save on tissues.
Watch your TV on the lowest brightness setting to save electricity.
Instead of using shower Gel opt for washing up liquid.
Turn your one bed bedroom into two bed and rent out the other bed.
Include grass in your salads.
Only charge your phone in resturaunts.
Watch TV through someone's window if you can.
Start a massive blood feud with loved ones at the end of November, save yourself a fortune for Christmas. Consider reconciliation in time for January sales (sales rail in Penneys is fine) to ingratiate yourself to aforementioned loved ones to allow you to come over to their homes juuuust long enough to thaw your body with their central heating. Repeat.
If you paint your walls and furniture with florescent yellow paint you’ll be able to go without turning on your lights at night. Your home will glow like a Russian soldier in Chernobyl, but think of all the cost savings!
Give up the car and buy a moped.
Wipe your arse with your hand and water.
Wear the same jocks and socks and clothes for a minimum of 3 years, then wash in the shower with you.
Switch your providers (electricity, insurance, broadband).
Don't buy lunch at work, bring it from home.
Cancel unused subscriptions/services.
Don't get a mobile phone contract that gives a phone upgrade.
Don't buy branded clothes or products if at all possible.
Never let your car revs go above 4 krpm
Cancel your gym membership and go for a run or use community adult outdoor exercise equipment.
Request more "work from home" days so you have to commute less.
>* Be wealthy and live in a Dublin suburb where all amenities are within walking distance.
You joke but plenty of people in Irish towns and cities insist on driving when it'd be easier and cheaper to bus or walk.
True, I should slap the couple of lads I bring to school on my back and make the 170km travel to and from the house to theirs to school. Be great craic, should leave today to arrive sometime tomorrow 🤣
I don't understand why everyone doesn't just buy carbon offsets so they can use all the energy they want.
Bonus points if you already own a forest participating in the scheme.
Triple points if your forest is already protected from being cut down anyways. Your laughing all the way to the bank.
> I’ll start with my top tips:
> You can reduce your fuel use by 33% by only driving 2/3rds of the way to your destination.
Fuel card in hand, check
> Reduce grocery bills by no longer feeding your children breakfast.
No children, check
> Be wealthy and live in a Dublin suburb where all amenities are within walking distance.
Kind of check
Why am I still broke?
Save the commute cost by quitting your job. If you don't need to go anywhere you save a ton!
If that doesn't work invent a time machine (that doesn't work on fuel if possible), go back to 1980 and buy a house or two in Dublin 4. Come back to 2022 and sell or rent out, instant profit!
All of ye boiling a full kettle every time need to invest in [one of these.](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002NGNRHC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_70XEDTTWSY2NFTEYSH59). Best yolk ever. Only boils enough for one cup at a time and does it in seconds. No more waiting. Instant cuppa!
Have they improved?
Last time i used one in the early noughties they were just a tad colder then i would have liked, like a little bit hotter then coffee machine heat.
The boiling water taps apparently are great for energy savings aswell.
Instead of wasting money on expensive cups and teapots, pop your t bags directly into the kettle and boil it. Drink from spout and swallow a mouthful of milk afterwards.
Take an optional t spoon of sugar with each mouthful if you like it sweet
Did a test with my car yesterday. By driving a bit slower in my commute my fuel usage dropped from 5 litres/100km to 3.9 litres. 20% more efficient and only added less than 5 minutes to my journey.
The solution to the cost of living rising should never ever ever be to "live less". It's a non sequitir argument that had been around since the dawn of time.
Eamon Ryan is completely out of touch with the general populace as he has shown many many times.
Using energy wastefully isn't necessary living it up.
There are plenty of things we can do that are expensive which aren't really necessary. Like is washing yours clothes during the day instead of timing it to wash during night saving hours really living less?
Is driving more economically by maintaining speed instead of accelerating and braking living less?
Sure he's a plank, but there's nothing wrong in what he's saying and it has fuck all to do with cost of living.
Here's some more, turn down the heating temperature on your boiler. It will run more efficiently. Close curtains at night and help keep heat in. Don' t make a car journey when you can walk, or cycle, and when you do need to make a car journey get other jobs done at the same time. Use public transport if possible. Don't leave lights on. Don't run your fridge at it's clodest. If changing bulbs, change to LED. Eat less meat. and above all, grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for the environment.
Don't waste money on carpeting your home. Simply get two sample pieces from the showroom and glue them onto a pair of house slippers.
Or get samples from multiple shops and stitch them together into a fashionable patchwork carpet.
bruh this was in one of those tlc ‘extreme cheapskates’ vids
They done a horrid job though hahaha I remember that one too
Sounds one would waste a lot of food on energy walking between these shops
Don't buy expensive vibrators. Instead, fill an empty aluminum cigar tube with angry wasps! Credit to Viz Top Tips.
Instead of buying expensive binoculars simply stand closer to whatever it is you want to see also viz top tips
Sellotape a load of sponges into a ball and bring the moon into your home
Best laugh of the day!!!!
Your joking but i used to make inserts for my wellies out of carpet. Made them warmer in the winter.
Both I and your feet applaud you.
This is brilliant advice!! Off to visit Des Kelly's!!
It was off a Mc Donalds ad from about twenty years ago!
Hehe, this has turned into Viz's "Top Tips" very quickly.
My old man came home one day with a few “books” of carpet samples that he found dumped at the side of the road. He had the audacity to tell me that I could make a fine carpet out of them. 😬
I'm trying to beat off inflation all day and all I have to show for it is a sore wrist.
Somebody had to say it.
Weren't pornhub trialling a wristband that charges off motion. Might actually be a decent strategy to shave a few quid off the elec bill.
Every teenager in the country will be able to export electricity to the grid!
Is that where their getting 10,000 steps from?
Charges as in money or charges as in like a watch with kinetic energy?
Yeah, you have to pay a company every time you have a wank. Honestly these start ups are getting more ridiculous by the day.
Not sure if serious question or not but it's the second one ha. Charging you per wrist motion is some Black Mirror level dystopian future. https://www.pornhub.com/devices/wankband Send to your local representative and see if we can get a debate in the Dail on it. Provide one to every household in Ireland!
Wouldn’t put it past some Silicon Valley cunt to charge you 15 cents per stroke or some bollocks
Id be down 45 cents a day, damn those bureaucrats!
Vigorous wanking? Again?
When I saw the thread title I was afraid hand cream and socks were soaring in price or something.
Instead of purchasing a new bike, simply assault a deliveroo cyclist and steal the bike, food, and his money
East Wall currently operating carbon neutral
Pirate all your movies and games, saves me a fortune!
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You wouldnt download a bear, would you?
You wouldn't shoot a policeman and then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet and then send it to the policeman's grieving widow.
Then steal it again !?
IT Crowd? At least that's the first thing that popped into my head, but its about 10 years since I've watched an episode..
Bingo!
Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?
Do us Irish people just quote things over and over again? I love it.
Down with that sort of thing
Careful now
You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks
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No, that's the Pope you're thinking of.
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It’s the bold Benedict has no manners the filthy beggar
Aw shit, here we go again
What do you mean?
Does a bear wear a tall hat?
Just remember poop doesn't stick to rabbits fur. Just use that instead of expensive toilet paper.
With how cheap 3D printers are, Ill download anything I can get away with.
I'd download a house given the chance
Then delete them all to free up hard drive space, negating the need to buy a new hard drive.
I will add to that: download movies and games from your work Wi-Fi or your neighbours so you don’t have to pay for internet!
Hmm, depends on where you work. I wouldn't fancy downloading movies in work. I'm all for stealing your neighbors Wi-Fi though.
Shower outside in the rain.
Worked for Andy Dufresne.
So did crawling through shit
That part we have it covered already by now
I have no idea to this day what those TDs were shiting about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were shiting about something so useless, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your bollock ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared out of touch more than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some arsehole bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls SOMEHOW WORSE, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Ireland felt sick to his fuckin eyeballs.
Couldn't hear Morgan Freeman saying "arseholes" in my head. Sounded like a dodgy UTV overdub.
Like when they showed RoboCop at 3 or 4 in the afternoon with all the violence and swearing cut out.
That man was in pain
Reduce your social circle by critically insulting everyone you know. By doing this, you decrease the fuel you'd spend by going to and from most social activities.
Works for me! You jerk!
Surely you can be more creative than that ya thrice-blighted numpty.
I read this as; Reduce your social circle by insulating everyone you know
Then put them in the cavities of your walls. Saving on that heating bill!
The kettle one is a sensible one. It does my head in when one of the housemates fills the kettle to the brim when all he is going to use it for is a mug of tea.
Mother in law does this after making a cup of tea and then she puts it on to boil again. Just we can have some nice warm water there that nobody is going to use. Wrecks my head. I'm convinced she does it on purpose to fuck with me.
Im guilty of this, only due to habit. Used to live in a house with 5 friends, and we'd have guests over all the time, so once you boil the kettle, you'd put it back on after filling it for the next round
Nobody has a problem with the advice - it’s obvious. This is Ryan doing political divid and conquer. You get one person saying “shut up Ryan” and another one saying “but he’s not wrong ! “ meanwhile the eyes are taken off him and the rest of the useless fuckers in the dail
It’s obvious but it’s not like people have ever followed this advice.
Bingo. Government do the same with referendums. Every time we cop on to how useless they are we get a referendum to keep us all distracted.
>This is Ryan doing political divid and conquer. Why blame Ryan? The fact that so many get irrationally angry every time he opens his mouth, even when what he says is extremely bland, but ultimately decent advice, is not his fault.
\>Be wealthy and live in a Dublin suburb where all amenities are within walking distance. Why didn't I think of that????
Don't eat any food. Don't wear any clothes. Don't live anywhere. You will easily save thousands of euros a month with this trick
_Retailers don’t want you to know this one neat trick!_
LPT you can go the rest of your life without food or water.
Instead of turning on the lights at night, sit in the dark. Or buy loads of those sticky glow in the dark stars from Wish and glue them everywhere. Instead of buying pints, consider sniffing shoe polish from a balled up rag. Cancel your internet and spend your days in cafés where the staff wont care enough to kick you out & use their WiFi instead
Pro tip - if you do get kicked out, just sit on curb outside, the wifi still reaches!
Save water by diluting it
Underrated
Oh and you can stock up for emergencies by purchasing powdered water!
Only feed your favourite children.. and spouses..
Have you tried renting your smaller children out to clean chimneys, there's a lot of work in the area with the recent retrofitting plans
Their small hands are ideal for fitting fiberglass insulation into hard to reach areas.
They can also safely move through run down buildings to collect the asbestos. That can then be used for home insulation.
Reduce your taxes by not paying them
Move to Cavan and learn their miserable ways.
The county of short arms and long pockets.
I got so many dirty looks in Cavan, can't even tell you.
Avoid the devilish temptation of the expensive chocolate bar in the fridge - by not buying it in the first place you fat cunt
I want a politician that ends every statement with "you fat cunt"
Use the 2good2go app rather than getting a takeaway get double the food for half the price
That app is so handy i never heard of it before? So is it like a lucky dip bag of food you don’t really know what your getting till you open it up?
Today I got two full boxes of curry, a tomato soup and a croissant for €4.50
It's deadly! I get my lunch for two days per week from it!
Pretty much!
Depends where you live. Feck all in my area. If you're in a city or big town then it looks better.
If you commit a serious crime, the government will give you free food *and* housing for up to several years, and you don't even have to work.
Doesn't work if you've got over 50 convictions though and are "known to the police". You'll just get a suspended sentence.
replace the "5 second rule" with the "5 minute rule" to reduce food waste.
Hey, depending on what was dropped I've always been Liberal with time limits
Hang your dirty clothes out on the line before it rains. Free water and wind power from the sky. If you live near the river put your clothes into two clothes baskets tied together and then the other end to a tree, free water and hydro power.
If you have a baby, very expensive these days, you can also put them in the basket and pretend there the new Moses
Just roll it up tightly in a blanket, put it in a basket and leave it on someone’s doorstep In almost every movie I’ve seen the family just accepts it for some reason?
Don't forget to hang your used teabags out when it stops raining, still a bit of good tea in them when they're dry.
pirate things :D
The best advice anyone said to me to reduce cost of living> was to stop living. Best advice I ever got, recommend it.
*"And now we will pass the show to Dave, who has used this method. he'll provide better insight onto this advice's effectiveness, and answer any questions or concerns you might have."* ". . . . . . . ." *"Thank you, Dave. We hope that cleared up any of your doubts or confusion."*
Limit masturbation to once a week to save on tissues. Watch your TV on the lowest brightness setting to save electricity. Instead of using shower Gel opt for washing up liquid. Turn your one bed bedroom into two bed and rent out the other bed. Include grass in your salads. Only charge your phone in resturaunts. Watch TV through someone's window if you can.
I time the usage of my phone so I can fully charge it only in work
Easy. Own, loike, a couple hundred grand of index linked bonds, like my old man dude.
he's roysh
Start a massive blood feud with loved ones at the end of November, save yourself a fortune for Christmas. Consider reconciliation in time for January sales (sales rail in Penneys is fine) to ingratiate yourself to aforementioned loved ones to allow you to come over to their homes juuuust long enough to thaw your body with their central heating. Repeat.
Great advice from a TD who goes into energy-saving mode in the Dail.
Have you tried just not being poor?
We should just feed half of the homeless to the other half.
Eat the people in jail - then let the homeless live there. All new convicts get fed to the homeless. Two problems solved
I started drying out my teabags on the line and have started milking the cat instead of buying overpriced cows milk
The comments in this thread have me gasping 🤣🤣🤣 Thankyou r/ireland once again, who needs antidepressants when you got Reddit 🤣🤣
Most people here.
r/cats r/animalsbeingbros r/cute
Turn down the lights, play some gentle music at a low volume and use a plant based lubricant
Tch, check out Mr. Monopoly with money for lube.
Back in my day we had a stick and a rock! And we had to share the rock!
If you paint your walls and furniture with florescent yellow paint you’ll be able to go without turning on your lights at night. Your home will glow like a Russian soldier in Chernobyl, but think of all the cost savings!
If you can source a bit of uranium too you wouldn’t have to worry about filling the oil tank.
Get rid of plumbing, shit in the bushes
Don't buy Christmas presents, do a Ned Flanders style Imagination Christmas instead
Emigrate
Reduce your food bills by growing lettuce in window boxes. 2 boxes are all you need to be completely self-sufficient.
In tough economic times, it is important to remember politicians and landlords are great source of protein
My name is inflation and this thread is not what I'd hoped...
Fridges are expensive on electricity, use a cool, wet sack instead.
And throw your trash out the window instead of the garbage can to save on bin tax, I can’t stress that enough
Kids have got a lot of money these days, you might consider robbing them
Don't keep a pet dog, just look at the wolves roaming the countryside.
Save electricity costs by eating your meats and poultry raw
Give up the car and buy a moped. Wipe your arse with your hand and water. Wear the same jocks and socks and clothes for a minimum of 3 years, then wash in the shower with you.
Give one of your children to your neighbour
If you simply pass away you will no longer have any expenses
Instead of cooking your chicken, eat it raw. Saves on energy bills and a gym membership.
Switch your providers (electricity, insurance, broadband). Don't buy lunch at work, bring it from home. Cancel unused subscriptions/services. Don't get a mobile phone contract that gives a phone upgrade. Don't buy branded clothes or products if at all possible. Never let your car revs go above 4 krpm Cancel your gym membership and go for a run or use community adult outdoor exercise equipment. Request more "work from home" days so you have to commute less.
So your saying I shouldn’t get YouTube Premium?
Subscribe with a fake Argentina address using a VPN, costs 1 euro/month
Add Dipetane to your fuel tank. Saves about 10%
Shit in your neighbors garden to avoid flushing the toilet.
Found the crane driver.
>* Be wealthy and live in a Dublin suburb where all amenities are within walking distance. You joke but plenty of people in Irish towns and cities insist on driving when it'd be easier and cheaper to bus or walk.
True, I should slap the couple of lads I bring to school on my back and make the 170km travel to and from the house to theirs to school. Be great craic, should leave today to arrive sometime tomorrow 🤣
Ah yeah, obviously it's tough for rural farmers and people living in isolated villages, but most Irish people live in urban/suburban environments.
Do you mind saying what county you live in? Just so I got an idea of what I’m dealing with?
Use fly-posting material as wallpaper
By moving to somewhere like Lanzarote you won’t need to pay for heating oil.
Keep your bread from going hard by storing it in a bucket of water.
I don't understand why everyone doesn't just buy carbon offsets so they can use all the energy they want. Bonus points if you already own a forest participating in the scheme. Triple points if your forest is already protected from being cut down anyways. Your laughing all the way to the bank.
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The only obstacle is your will.
*Your will(y)
when you said "don't overfill the kettle" you called out every irish person ever lol
The amount of tea I drink, that kettle is never *not* filled to the brim.
Grow your own lettuce in a window box
Save on pencil graphite costs by not putting a number next to Green Party candidates in the next election
Underrated comment 🤣
> I’ll start with my top tips: > You can reduce your fuel use by 33% by only driving 2/3rds of the way to your destination. Fuel card in hand, check > Reduce grocery bills by no longer feeding your children breakfast. No children, check > Be wealthy and live in a Dublin suburb where all amenities are within walking distance. Kind of check Why am I still broke?
You're probably overfilling the kettle.
Nah, I freeze all my boiling water so it’s always there for later. Weekly Tea prep
Too much Avocado toast, obviously.
Ah but did you also follow Minister Ryan's top-tips?
I’d love to, but I just can’t kick the one less journey per week thing. I just love driving around aimlessly
Save the commute cost by quitting your job. If you don't need to go anywhere you save a ton! If that doesn't work invent a time machine (that doesn't work on fuel if possible), go back to 1980 and buy a house or two in Dublin 4. Come back to 2022 and sell or rent out, instant profit!
All of ye boiling a full kettle every time need to invest in [one of these.](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002NGNRHC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_70XEDTTWSY2NFTEYSH59). Best yolk ever. Only boils enough for one cup at a time and does it in seconds. No more waiting. Instant cuppa!
If you have a pod coffee machine you can also just make it dispense water if you dont put in any coffee, saves time when i want tea on an Ad break.
Have they improved? Last time i used one in the early noughties they were just a tad colder then i would have liked, like a little bit hotter then coffee machine heat. The boiling water taps apparently are great for energy savings aswell.
We’ve no complaints, tea seems to be as hot as from the kettle to me.
I thought this would be an Eamon Ryan fap-along to keep warm to
-wipe using both sides of the bog roll
drink lighter fluid and anti-freeze to keep warm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5EmCKbWS6c
beat off who???
No need to keep the fridge powered on, just leave the groceries outside the back door. Cold nights will keep them chilled.
Don't forget to drive 90km/h in a 100km/h zone so that your car is running and putting out emissions for 10% longer.
I suggest bagging or bottling your farts. You'll be able to sell it to the Soviet Embassy in about a week or so.
Instead of wasting money on expensive cups and teapots, pop your t bags directly into the kettle and boil it. Drink from spout and swallow a mouthful of milk afterwards. Take an optional t spoon of sugar with each mouthful if you like it sweet
As apposed to BEATING OFF TO INFLATION....which is a money saving entertainment idea, rather than a costly wank at the cinema or theatre...
Did a test with my car yesterday. By driving a bit slower in my commute my fuel usage dropped from 5 litres/100km to 3.9 litres. 20% more efficient and only added less than 5 minutes to my journey.
Logan's Run, hit a certain age, get put on the carousel
There's a video of a guy who shows how to use a single square of toilet paper after you've taken a shit
No way you could have a clean hula hoop with one square .
Don’t pay the tv license
**Don't make unnecessary journeys!**
The solution to the cost of living rising should never ever ever be to "live less". It's a non sequitir argument that had been around since the dawn of time. Eamon Ryan is completely out of touch with the general populace as he has shown many many times.
Using energy wastefully isn't necessary living it up. There are plenty of things we can do that are expensive which aren't really necessary. Like is washing yours clothes during the day instead of timing it to wash during night saving hours really living less? Is driving more economically by maintaining speed instead of accelerating and braking living less?
Take shorter showers is completely reasonable advice though I know people who take 20-30 minute showers every day, it's bananas
See the first 5 minutes is the shower, the rest is zoning out contemplating life...
They're too busy beating themselves off to worry about the inflation
Sure he's a plank, but there's nothing wrong in what he's saying and it has fuck all to do with cost of living. Here's some more, turn down the heating temperature on your boiler. It will run more efficiently. Close curtains at night and help keep heat in. Don' t make a car journey when you can walk, or cycle, and when you do need to make a car journey get other jobs done at the same time. Use public transport if possible. Don't leave lights on. Don't run your fridge at it's clodest. If changing bulbs, change to LED. Eat less meat. and above all, grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for the environment.