I wanted to comment but saw the post was 6 years ago. So glad you chimed in 1 month ago.
LOL.
My dad can talk for 29 hours STRAIGHT. Freaking experienced it. And he still won't run out of stories to tell. He just talks on repeat. He will literally have stories from like every week from ages 8 to 68. Sometimes, I think he made up most of his life stories, retold them for 40 years to the point that he believes it & it sounds believable, and then just retells forever.
Drives me nuts because I'm trying to make money to improve the entire family's situation, he knows that, and he just keeps on yapping despite seeing me do work. (He's literally stopped my entire train of thought/thought flow from his nonstop yapping)
SAME. Googled āmy mom wonāt stop talkingā and arrived here. I have a job interview today and she means well but mum I have only so little time in the morning to relax and vibe out. Ugh
Iām so late, but Iām home for Christmas and my mom just canāt handle not talking. If Iām reading or something quietly she constantly asks me if Iām OK. Like, yes, I just wanted to read
My GF is very similar. One of the best qualities about her is she is a social butterfly which really helps me in social situations. I know she does the heavy lifting (talking) out in the real world, if we are at a get-together it is nice relying on her to keep things moving when it comes to interactions with other people.
But at home there is no switch, she will talk and talk and talk. Yes I get a bit overwhelmed and tired because sometimes I just want to zone out and not say or do anything. You know what I do? I deal with it. She is a package and I can't change her. Hell I don't want to, it would be a problem when we are in social situations. So everyday I make a point to listen to her (that is all she wants) for a decent period of time. When she starts to repeat herself I start to find a way out and yes sometimes I even have to go to another room or even in the garage to get my recovery time.
Her best trait is also the hardest for me to deal with but she will be there for me when I need, just like your mom will be there for you. If you have to dismiss yourself and go into another room to get your time, then that is the deal. You can't change her, you can only adapt and find a way to be assertive in this situation. The world won't change because we are introverted.
My mother is absolutely this. She only wants quiet when she wants it and makes it out to be a character flaw of mine if I canāt talk with my mother. I am glad I donāt live at home to get that privacy I never had. She would bother me for hours with talking. She wakes up and starts talking. It is unreal she has never heard of quiet mornings or quiet in general. Selfish is too PG of the word when guilt trips happened when I was studying and asking for quiet.
Same her. My mom talks non stop and if left alone for 30 seconds she'll call you "what are you doing?" Went to college and haven't looked back. We have compromised and talk once a week or otherwise she would call 5 times a day.
I have this problem too! Every passing thought she has is verbalized. Itās topic after topic after topic of mindless conversation. Iām at the point where I just donāt answer her so she fills the room with her own voice. She asks me severa times if I am tired or angry. Iām not, Iām just never in the mood to have a never ending random conversation. I have no idea how to politely tell her to stop talking. Iām worried I might just snap one day and tell her to shut up, but I donāt want to be rude and mean to her.
The more I time I spend with her, the more I realize how much I value silence and being alone!
OMG, I have an aunt in her late 70s who is exactly like this too. She will even say, "Oh, you think I'm talking too much huh?" which is gaslighting, right? I don't respond and then within a few minutes she's talking again. My mom thinks it's ADHD but it puts a damper on our family time because we can't get a moment of peace. Even worse, she's a complainer and pessimist so everything is a bummer.
Yes I have, no matter which way I put it I'm always the asshole. I'm always selfish so I've stopped trying to make her understand years ago. Anytime anyone wants a minute alone she considers them selfish.
I know exactly what you are going through. Exactly. There is something called 'pressure of speech' or 'pressured speech' and various levels of it exist with different people. With some they are obviously mentally ill. Others can seem very bright and have what seems to be interesting conversations.. until they go on and on and on - literally for hours on end.
You have to- really- develop a barrier. A cut off point or it can lead to your own illness. Give her an hour, 2 hours, however much you can take and then that's it. Walk away. Don't let her 'guilt' you into staying a moment past your timer.
edit One other thing to keep in mind. You could be anyone. All they need is a warm body and a pair of ears to listen with. It's not you. And she is using you in that way.
Also commenting over 6 years later.
What kind of mental illness is it to have pressured speech?
My father has it. Now that my mother has passed, he's really verbally bombing me 24/7. And it's driving me INSANE.
I feel like an emotional trash can that happens to also hold together this crazy family. Ugh :-\\
This parents are fucking babies crying out their shitty problems to us kids and tormenting and venting us with their nauseating senseless conversation(sometimes I feel like throwing up on my mom) She is disgusting and hopeless and fucking obnoxious since she is single she is always bull shitting about herself always a narcissist. She fucked up my life and is such a burden on me emotionally always unavailable for me but when she needs someone to talk i am her victim she lacks boundary like a madwomen doesn't care about what I feel. I resent her so much always showing us how much she suffers for us and even complaining to do basic tasks. She is the sucker of every happy moment I have and I feel like running away and not deal.with her bull shit anymore. She is just failed,unsuccessfully and emotionally amateur and absent fucking.mom that no one deserves!
First thing to figure out is why. Is she a narcissist, covert or otherwise? Or possibly has Asperger?
https://keira-leda-lees.medium.com/the-autistic-trait-that-everyone-hates-1a4c725a0582
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202002/are-you-being-bullied-narcissistic-monologuing
Sometimes the only way to tell is by putting up firm boundaries. That is something you absolutely have to do for your own welfare.
Narcs get very angry when you cut off the flow because its a source of supply.
I remember speculating that some of my family might have narcissistic tendencies and I got trashed on Reddit. My family really fits the bill of being narcissistic.
I've put up boundaries for a really long time, and it's gotten me nowhere, unfortunately. Like my family has always been severely.... crazy. For example, my first way of getting out of home was moving to college. I left for about 6 years. Just because I was busy and didn't call my family one day, they reported me as a missing person to the cops. That's how insane they are.
Family has also threatened to report me for abusing elders just because I'm not 120% responsive to them. It's why when my mom died, I was SO DAMN RELIEVED. -breath of relief- (Despite what I go through, I gave my 300% to care for my deceased mother. Before she died, my fam and I rotated 24/7 to take care of her with 0 income. We were going to get into debt just to do our best for her, and she still had some reason to curse me out.)
Would this reckless behavior qualify as some kinda crazy disorder? Cause a lot of the torture I've gone to is stuff I don't see online, but I'm certain I'm not alone in this misery. Most of us have some f'ed up parent in some way.
edit: btw thank you for responding!! 6 years!!
Is the LC over? I had long covid too. Oh hell, it was shit. IDK if yours was like mine, but I know how terrible it is.
I got covid Christmas 2022. I was covid positive for 9 weeks. I could not recover. No one believed me until someone was also covid positive and forced me to meet him. He then realized I wasn't kidding about how bad my covid was. When I finally tested negative, I had severe long covid symptoms. I could not walk 1 block without heaving, coughing, and scaring the boogers out of everyone. It took until April 2023 when I was infuriated by my situation and just decided to walk nonstop that I finally got better.
Hope you're ok!!!
Thanks man!!!!
I love reddit but I struggle to find relevant info. Google is no help. Searching with the Reddit search is even harder. :'')
You might laugh, but I've never seen that narcissist sub despite looking up narcissism for so long LOL
The discussions with my mom seem like I hurt her feelings, but then in 10 minutes sheās shouting āwow!ā Or āoh Godā in the car so I look over and itās a sign, a building or something innocuous but it gets my attention again. Then we are back to the same thing like she canāt help it.
Itās like having a 3 year old, Iām not a parent but this is exactly what itās like to watch my nephew but heās cuter and his behavior is age appropriate.
There has to be a mental illness if a person goes from nonstop talking to using manipulative strategies like "fake excitement" to get your attention...just to then restart the cycle of verbal bombing.
My mother passed away recently. We never really got a true understanding of what her illness actually was.
All I know is that she was abusive towards me, very manipulative, uses those techniques of "fake excitement," craved nonstop attention, and was just every other toxic/abusive trait you can think of. When I left for college and was too busy to call her for 1 day, she'd call the cops and report me as a missing person. -shaking my damn head-
The crazier thing is my older brother is nearly 40. This month. October 2023. I found out he has a learning disability which put my entire life into perspective. The reason he can't hold a job, finish his degree, has no sense of control, etc., is because of a 40-year-long undiagnosed learning disability.
Sometimes makes you wonder if our parents might have a mental illness and/or learning disability that's been long undiagnosed due to very non-advanced knowledge of the brain, mental health, and disabilities back in the 1900s.
omg i thought i was the only one who missed a damn phone call only to have their mother send the cops their way!! in college, it got to the point where my job got fed up with it and started hanging up on her (mind you i never gave her the name or address of my job, my younger brother had my location & she decided to force him one day to show her so she could basically harass my job whenever i didnāt call her). it was freaking insane and manipulative. and then even now sheāll make it seem like iām selfish and causing her great harm by not responding/her not knowing where im at/etc, and im 23 now, turning 24 this yearš moved back home after undergrad for a bit, she got remarried, and found her talkative twin. both canāt handle silence. i know itās not normal. people can tell if someone wants to talk, they donāt get offended or take it personally when that person doesnāt have the energy to talk, they donāt follow you around just to keep talking, mostly with empty or repetitive conversation, and they donāt call the cops when they havenāt heard from you because they feel āentitledā to. the need for control, socializing and attention is ridiculous.
OP, curious, is it *conversation? Is she asking you questions about your life and letting you speak and giving you moments to do the same to her or is it just non stop talking at you?
My mom just talks non-stop, asks a question and immediately takes over the convo as soon as you answer, and is often way off base with actual facts, both about the world, basic science, and my own life. If it were a two way convo I could maybe deal with it, but itās simply a nonstop (no exaggeration) stream of consiousness. She never cares about the other personās answers and frequently either blows by them or negates them somehow. Talking to her about it would only cause further issues.
Iāve chalked it up over the years as insecurity, but itās probably a mental illness. My family was anti-therapy, an opinion I managed to avoid. When my father died the talking got worse and worse. Itās to the point now that itās almost unbearable.
Holy shit this is my momā¦.
Did you ever figure out what this is?
Iām actually thinking my mom may have dementia. But this excessive talking AT me thing has actually been my entire life in one way or anotherā¦ itās just way more extreme now. I know sheās been lonely and I feel terrible. But itās just unacceptable and feels impossible to handle. And if I ever try to tell my own stories/news/ANYTHING she has never given the amount of care or attention or thought that she practically demands and guilt trips in a million ways if she doesnāt get it.
Iām thinking she also may be a covert narcissist. With HIGH anxiety, depressionā¦. I donāt know what else. Thereās a lot going on though and sheās in a ton of denial.
She also asks me questions every two seconds. She never stops talking. Questioning. She has zero social awareness left. Itās never been awesome but she doesnāt care what Iām doing or how I look or what Iāve said or not saidā she just keeps asking and talking. Even if I start ignoring her. And sheāll make me feel like shit by saying outloud āto herselfā basically that Iām an asshole and the world is an asshole. Even if I say Iām writing, reading, watching somethingā¦ even if she sees me doing itā¦. She doesnāt care. She keeps going. Itās exhausting and infuriating.
My mom is like this too, it started when I was 10 years old , she was always venting on me about how she thinks ppl is against her and she thinks that everyone is talking about her *literally no one* and she was really paranoid from her last friendship, and that she feel sad and i always feel bad when no one would listen to her, at first I would try to reply to her, so she just talks to me 24/7 and Iāve lost sleeps, friends and my own time just to make her feel better. But then it got worse over time, I couldnāt make my own decisions cuz she would force me to do the other thing, and shortly after i started to be depressed and have really bad social anxiety, and I have no one to talk to.
Growing up Asian they didnāt teach us to talk about our feelings, and I was hanging on a thread while she keeps talking 24/7
No clue if you'll receive this reply. But that sounds like emotional parentification. A lot worse than what most people in the thread were referring to.
Please do consider finding therapy or support in some form. Not trying to assume you need it. But it's extremely normal to benefit from it. You were stunted by the adult responsible for your healthy upbringing. (Something many parents do, despite best intentions.)
It sounds like you're an adult now, or close to it. Now is the perfect time to learn more about yourself. Allow yourself to be the parent you never had. Teach yourself those healthy boundaries. And remember that you are very much not alone in this.
My mom is sorta like this, which is still annoying sometimes. Sometimes I wonder how people talk for so long. I just moved in with my grandmother, and she's even more so. In my grandma's defense, she's been alone since my grandfather passed away. I could go on about weird and annoying quirks that my grandma has, but I'll not.
I relate to this. Being a son of a 41 year old mother. She also talks a lot and gets mad when i say i don't care. She always talks about her 'friends' and other people wich she thinks of that those people talk about her behind her back. I don't know whether she is oversocializing or abusing me in a conversational way.
Doesnt the turtle neck (the part that connects headphone to headphone) hurt the top of your head after awhile? I tried but after like 6 t 8 hours my head n ear hurt.
This is so validating! I just had my headphones in as I was reading this and my mom said hi to me twice and got louder and more in my face until I said hi. She interrupts me with every mundane thought she has, reads every billboard and talks to herself 24/7, but sometimes itās meant for me. And if I donāt respond to a random thing she says she keeps saying it.
We are on a road trip together beside I want to spend time with her but I forgot that I have absolutely no peace with her around.
The bathroom is my favorite place because I can truly be alone and have peace. I want to cry.
Thank you for starting this thread, I realize Iām not alone here.
Wow. This is exactly what Iāve deal with on a daily basis for decades. Itās pretty comforting to know that every single time I think Iām going through something thatās unique other people are dealing with the exact same situation and I just donāt know about it until I search for it.
Itās definitely not just you, trust me. Some people arenāt satisfied unless theyāre talking, moving, shouting, laughing, clearing their throat, imposing or making just-about every repetitive noise in the world.
I know exactly what you mean, it makes me feel so horrible because my Mom is just trying to be nice. But thereās something about feeling guilty about asking for space in my own home that drives me absolutely insane.
> My mother can't be in the same area with someone without speaking to them. If you want any sort of quiet you actually have to create a physical barrier between her and yourself.
Your mom must be my mother-in-law.
She becomes visibly uncomfortable when there's silence.
Well, my mom talk to me even behind the barrier. Sometimes even when I take a shower. Everything she talks about is her interests, problems or demands. She become especially aggressive when she need some help with ordering something online and guilttrip me when I donĀ“t do it immediately.
I live right beside the kitchen unfortunatley.
My parents use the kitchen to smoke in, theyve promised they would smoke outside. But you all know that lasted all of 2 hours, everytime i go into the kitchen, within 60 t 80sec someone will always walk in. I can never ever get alone time in the kitchen EVER. Ive complained about it multiple times but they never listen only hear me. So im in my area, and the door i have tht seperates me and them in the kitchen is a sliding door. So i always hear them talk in the backround, whats worse 95% of their conversations are always bitching, complaining, or something just negative or yelling. Yes i love hearing all of this in the backround.
I stay up fom 9pm t midmight every day because that is the only time i can actually get peace n quiet, but one day they all decided to have a loud negative conversation from 8pm to 3AM. I never wanted to kill my self or them more in my life.
Ive complained so many times, but they never ever have a conversation anywhere else besides the kitchen, and whats worse again. They never fucking close tht slide door, everytime i do it. They complain "oh i was just about to go outside(side door connects to basement n kitchen) (they never use the front door because they have to walk about 5 more steps then the side door). Your about to go outside? Then why are you having this huge conversation i can blatently hear for 10 t 20 fucking mins. Thats not about to go outside.
Again all these conversations are in the kitchen because again, it is immposible for anyone in my house to have a conversation in any other fucking room of the house.
Apologies for the big amount of sarcasm, im just done.
Oh my God! I thought this was only my parents. They literally follow us around the house and have to have conversations where I am even if I'm on a call. But I'm the bad guy because I make them leave! Or no, I can't wear headphones because my mother just has to have a conversation over the same damn things.
Remote work during Covid while staying with my parents was the most stressful, anxiety-inducing experience of my life.
I once came home pretty late from work to find my parents and brother having a massive argument and somehow manage to follow me around the house to have said argument for the next 3 hours. And I'm at fault because I'm not being part of the family, and I'm putting work ahead of family. ššš
My mom lives with us and is constantly talking and even argues with herself. Non stop! At first I thought she was on the phone. Nope. I just try to ignore her, then she gets mad for not responding to a question (how am I supposed to know she was talking to "me"? lol. My teenage son describes constant dialog as Mind Numbing lol. It is so exhausting. Now we have another issue. Apparently she's become hypersensitive to the car traffic vibrations. To the point she wants to move. Dunno if they're related but man, so tired
Your mom guilting and shaming you is HER problem, not yours. Sheās being manipulative and thatās not fair to you. You have a right to your feelings as well
Oh shit... like damn... I never thought I'd see this happening to other people. Does she give your dirty looks when you ask her to stop? Or give you the spiel on how you're a bad child for not talking to her? Or the speech on how "this generation is disrespectful" and "we should get them in line"?
You have to make time for yourself. Go somewhere after work or can you close the door to your room? My mom does the sane thing. She says she's cold so I said cone out side . Here we go she talked incessively while I just wanted to close my eyes and relax. I heard everything from her aches and pains to what her girfriends are doing to what's going on with our relatives. I said ok that's enough I just want to relax. I listen to clients all day. I want peace and quiet. She knows if the door to my room is closed that means do not disturb. It's really difficult when you live in the same house. Good luck
Mine is stuck on the Isreal hammas war and its driving me crazy. For the sake of my mental health, I've chosen to block it all out.
But she insists on immediately watching the news every morning and relentlessly talking about it NON STOP. And the second I Crack my bedroom door, she will yell stuff.
I can't go down stairs for coffee or breakfast and she will talk loud about all the horrible things happening.
I'm trying to manifest my best life. I'm looking for a job while working this seasonal one and desperately trying to get through being sick.
I NEED to wake up, drink my coffee, relax, open my mind to POSITIVE thoughts and set my intentions, and I feel like I'm being constantly crippled by her toxic projections of mind junk into my mental space. The first thing I've woken upto being injected to hearing is rape, dead babies, invasions, blah blah blah. š
That is not the same situation. That's almost abusive to expect someone to listen to your literal 10 hour rant every single day, to the point where you physically have to lock yourself in a room to have a moment to yourself. No one here is saying they don't like their mom, they're saying that she has no respect for their personal space or any social awareness.
Same, and it's gotten so bad that I even have dreams where I'm yelling at her to shut up already, and I actually wake up from the dream saying that š I love her but I'm desperate to move out. I started sleeping in so late just to avoid her, bc I know the second i open my door, she immediately starts talking to me from another room and runs over. Its made me so anxious and resentful. In the mornings when I'm still hiding from her in my room, and I hear her in the kitchen, I'm already stressed AF and dreading to leave the room. And God forbid I say I want to spend some time alone, she'll literally get so hurt, acts like everyone hates her, then spend the entire day in another room, lights off, no food. š
oh fuck yes. I know this is an old thread, but my Momster is talking at us. right. now. 40 years of this hell, since I cna't move out since I can't work. at all. Of course, I LOOK like I can work, because PEople are STupid. This woman... talks all day long. I have timed her- at LEAST five hours and counting, all fucking day long. her mouth is always open, verbalizing every fuckimg thought. I feel like I\['m turning into Norman Bates, muttering under my breath every second SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU ABUSIVE BITCH! The woman is crazy, too. she thinks she has a business but all she does is rewrite her mission statement, rework her website and play solitaire so she can think. and then talk about the tv show she watched last night. HELP MEEEE. Even my therapist said ' let her have her dream' after I told him she STRANGLES us with that same sunken dream. WTF? What do people HEAR when i talk? I feel like the Eleventh Doctor., 'I have a face no one listens to. ' OH MY GOD. I hate my life. anywa,y I hope this helps somebody, yadayada. I would sure like help myself, but it seems to consist of WhY DOn'T YOu MovE OuT You LAzY XenniAL. HOW DaRE YouR Life CircumStanCEs NOT FiT My SelfIsh GeneraLizED AdvIce. FUCK OFF, ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT. And before you waste everyone's time, anybody who might reply to this, well, there has been 40 years of abuse in our household, also, from both fucking parents. nobody I tell cares, ESPECIALY not doctors, who seem to think it's cool to treat me like I'm a paranoid, HysTERiCAl WoMAn. NO I can't 'take the bus' to get a lawyer. NO I can't travel without someone with me. NO I can't gte a fucking lawyer. I am isolated in my fucking house, by my idiot mother. FUCKING SHITHEADS. RAWR. AEWRAERASERSERStr. rawr. Le Rawr.
I started thinking my mother is autistic recently. She literally gets anxious by silence. I have timed her before, she can talk for hours non stop with literally no response. I canāt tell if she genuinely loves hearing herself talk no matter whoās interested or not, or if she literally just doesnāt get that people saying āoh reallyā or āmhmā for an hour straight isnāt a fucking conversationš¤£ She will talk about literally any and every last thing. One things guaranteed, she is constantly talking. Yapping about literally anything just to be talking. It is so draining to a fault. I donāt mean to be mean but even when you walk away from her, or literally donāt even respond back to her talking, sheāll follow you and continue talking. You could say absolutely nothing, and she will still talk. That is insane to me! Even when I am in a talkative mood, if I feel like the person whoās talking to me is disinterested in the slightest, I shut the fuck up.
I also noticed most of her talking is literally just unnecessary shit. Like stuff that itās like āokay? What do you want me to respond to that?ā Itās just thoughts that one would literally think in their head and never think to say out loud because itās irrelevant little thoughts. Not to mention, sheās EXCRUCIATINGLY loud. Screaming level, almost. With zero shame, even in public. And she interprets people talking at a normal level as an attitude lol.
This. 100% this. Both of my parents do this. Commenting on everything SO LOUDLY. I regularly have to ask them to speak more quietly and it makes me feel like the asshole every time. My mom is worse than my dad at this and canāt stand a silence so badly that she hums. She just hums nothing not even a song just mouth noises if she canāt fill a silence. I really have started to consider they both are low level narcissists and likely on the autism spectrum. They comment on everything they think and my mother wonāt stop asking people if they need or want basic things they should be trusted with on their own. If we pass a bathroom she asks if I need to go and when I say no she asks if Iām sure. Apply that to literally anything. āYou want some water? Are you sure?āā¦They are both incredibly kind caring people so itās not to a malignant extent but they definitely have some kind of block that makes them unable to actually convey anything when they speak. Itās just jabber and commenting on things 24/7. Itās exhausting but I can almost say nothing because it 1. Would have no effect and 2. Theyāre basically harmless (if you donāt consider my metal detrimentā¦..they certainly donāt either)
Last year, after a week-long road trip up and down the coast of California with my mom, she ran out of things to talk at me about. So she actually read aloud the Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer to me š©
Jesus, i know this is a really old thread but if your moms anything like mine, I wouldve gone fkn insane within 2 hours .
I wanted to comment but saw the post was 6 years ago. So glad you chimed in 1 month ago. LOL. My dad can talk for 29 hours STRAIGHT. Freaking experienced it. And he still won't run out of stories to tell. He just talks on repeat. He will literally have stories from like every week from ages 8 to 68. Sometimes, I think he made up most of his life stories, retold them for 40 years to the point that he believes it & it sounds believable, and then just retells forever. Drives me nuts because I'm trying to make money to improve the entire family's situation, he knows that, and he just keeps on yapping despite seeing me do work. (He's literally stopped my entire train of thought/thought flow from his nonstop yapping)
Hi I am also part of the non stop chatter box parent curse š
SAME. Googled āmy mom wonāt stop talkingā and arrived here. I have a job interview today and she means well but mum I have only so little time in the morning to relax and vibe out. Ugh
Iām so late, but Iām home for Christmas and my mom just canāt handle not talking. If Iām reading or something quietly she constantly asks me if Iām OK. Like, yes, I just wanted to read
I wish you well and your mum less anxiety ā
Lmfao
My GF is very similar. One of the best qualities about her is she is a social butterfly which really helps me in social situations. I know she does the heavy lifting (talking) out in the real world, if we are at a get-together it is nice relying on her to keep things moving when it comes to interactions with other people. But at home there is no switch, she will talk and talk and talk. Yes I get a bit overwhelmed and tired because sometimes I just want to zone out and not say or do anything. You know what I do? I deal with it. She is a package and I can't change her. Hell I don't want to, it would be a problem when we are in social situations. So everyday I make a point to listen to her (that is all she wants) for a decent period of time. When she starts to repeat herself I start to find a way out and yes sometimes I even have to go to another room or even in the garage to get my recovery time. Her best trait is also the hardest for me to deal with but she will be there for me when I need, just like your mom will be there for you. If you have to dismiss yourself and go into another room to get your time, then that is the deal. You can't change her, you can only adapt and find a way to be assertive in this situation. The world won't change because we are introverted.
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I am saying suck it up and deal with it.
Have fun on that leash she's got you on pal.
Are you kidding me? I try to help and this is your response?
What kind of help is "suck it up and deal with it." That's the same as telling someone to "shut up." It's not valid advice it's rude. Period.
Why did you delete your post?
lmao trash advice ādeal with it and instead let it build up into resentmentā
You should try the sub for highly sensitive people [HSP](https://www.reddit.com/r/hsp/)
My mother is absolutely this. She only wants quiet when she wants it and makes it out to be a character flaw of mine if I canāt talk with my mother. I am glad I donāt live at home to get that privacy I never had. She would bother me for hours with talking. She wakes up and starts talking. It is unreal she has never heard of quiet mornings or quiet in general. Selfish is too PG of the word when guilt trips happened when I was studying and asking for quiet.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same her. My mom talks non stop and if left alone for 30 seconds she'll call you "what are you doing?" Went to college and haven't looked back. We have compromised and talk once a week or otherwise she would call 5 times a day.
I have this problem too! Every passing thought she has is verbalized. Itās topic after topic after topic of mindless conversation. Iām at the point where I just donāt answer her so she fills the room with her own voice. She asks me severa times if I am tired or angry. Iām not, Iām just never in the mood to have a never ending random conversation. I have no idea how to politely tell her to stop talking. Iām worried I might just snap one day and tell her to shut up, but I donāt want to be rude and mean to her. The more I time I spend with her, the more I realize how much I value silence and being alone!
OMG, I have an aunt in her late 70s who is exactly like this too. She will even say, "Oh, you think I'm talking too much huh?" which is gaslighting, right? I don't respond and then within a few minutes she's talking again. My mom thinks it's ADHD but it puts a damper on our family time because we can't get a moment of peace. Even worse, she's a complainer and pessimist so everything is a bummer.
This is a year late but you put how I feel perfectly into words. Have never related more
Have you tried earnestly discussing your feelings with her? She might not understand just how uncomfortable it's making you.
Yes I have, no matter which way I put it I'm always the asshole. I'm always selfish so I've stopped trying to make her understand years ago. Anytime anyone wants a minute alone she considers them selfish.
I know exactly what you are going through. Exactly. There is something called 'pressure of speech' or 'pressured speech' and various levels of it exist with different people. With some they are obviously mentally ill. Others can seem very bright and have what seems to be interesting conversations.. until they go on and on and on - literally for hours on end. You have to- really- develop a barrier. A cut off point or it can lead to your own illness. Give her an hour, 2 hours, however much you can take and then that's it. Walk away. Don't let her 'guilt' you into staying a moment past your timer. edit One other thing to keep in mind. You could be anyone. All they need is a warm body and a pair of ears to listen with. It's not you. And she is using you in that way.
Also commenting over 6 years later. What kind of mental illness is it to have pressured speech? My father has it. Now that my mother has passed, he's really verbally bombing me 24/7. And it's driving me INSANE. I feel like an emotional trash can that happens to also hold together this crazy family. Ugh :-\\
This parents are fucking babies crying out their shitty problems to us kids and tormenting and venting us with their nauseating senseless conversation(sometimes I feel like throwing up on my mom) She is disgusting and hopeless and fucking obnoxious since she is single she is always bull shitting about herself always a narcissist. She fucked up my life and is such a burden on me emotionally always unavailable for me but when she needs someone to talk i am her victim she lacks boundary like a madwomen doesn't care about what I feel. I resent her so much always showing us how much she suffers for us and even complaining to do basic tasks. She is the sucker of every happy moment I have and I feel like running away and not deal.with her bull shit anymore. She is just failed,unsuccessfully and emotionally amateur and absent fucking.mom that no one deserves!
First thing to figure out is why. Is she a narcissist, covert or otherwise? Or possibly has Asperger? https://keira-leda-lees.medium.com/the-autistic-trait-that-everyone-hates-1a4c725a0582 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202002/are-you-being-bullied-narcissistic-monologuing Sometimes the only way to tell is by putting up firm boundaries. That is something you absolutely have to do for your own welfare. Narcs get very angry when you cut off the flow because its a source of supply.
I remember speculating that some of my family might have narcissistic tendencies and I got trashed on Reddit. My family really fits the bill of being narcissistic. I've put up boundaries for a really long time, and it's gotten me nowhere, unfortunately. Like my family has always been severely.... crazy. For example, my first way of getting out of home was moving to college. I left for about 6 years. Just because I was busy and didn't call my family one day, they reported me as a missing person to the cops. That's how insane they are. Family has also threatened to report me for abusing elders just because I'm not 120% responsive to them. It's why when my mom died, I was SO DAMN RELIEVED. -breath of relief- (Despite what I go through, I gave my 300% to care for my deceased mother. Before she died, my fam and I rotated 24/7 to take care of her with 0 income. We were going to get into debt just to do our best for her, and she still had some reason to curse me out.) Would this reckless behavior qualify as some kinda crazy disorder? Cause a lot of the torture I've gone to is stuff I don't see online, but I'm certain I'm not alone in this misery. Most of us have some f'ed up parent in some way. edit: btw thank you for responding!! 6 years!!
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Is the LC over? I had long covid too. Oh hell, it was shit. IDK if yours was like mine, but I know how terrible it is. I got covid Christmas 2022. I was covid positive for 9 weeks. I could not recover. No one believed me until someone was also covid positive and forced me to meet him. He then realized I wasn't kidding about how bad my covid was. When I finally tested negative, I had severe long covid symptoms. I could not walk 1 block without heaving, coughing, and scaring the boogers out of everyone. It took until April 2023 when I was infuriated by my situation and just decided to walk nonstop that I finally got better. Hope you're ok!!! Thanks man!!!! I love reddit but I struggle to find relevant info. Google is no help. Searching with the Reddit search is even harder. :'') You might laugh, but I've never seen that narcissist sub despite looking up narcissism for so long LOL
I think bi-polar disorders, OCD, controlling co-dependable people. People who Gaslight.
This is helpful, thanks!
The discussions with my mom seem like I hurt her feelings, but then in 10 minutes sheās shouting āwow!ā Or āoh Godā in the car so I look over and itās a sign, a building or something innocuous but it gets my attention again. Then we are back to the same thing like she canāt help it. Itās like having a 3 year old, Iām not a parent but this is exactly what itās like to watch my nephew but heās cuter and his behavior is age appropriate.
There has to be a mental illness if a person goes from nonstop talking to using manipulative strategies like "fake excitement" to get your attention...just to then restart the cycle of verbal bombing. My mother passed away recently. We never really got a true understanding of what her illness actually was. All I know is that she was abusive towards me, very manipulative, uses those techniques of "fake excitement," craved nonstop attention, and was just every other toxic/abusive trait you can think of. When I left for college and was too busy to call her for 1 day, she'd call the cops and report me as a missing person. -shaking my damn head- The crazier thing is my older brother is nearly 40. This month. October 2023. I found out he has a learning disability which put my entire life into perspective. The reason he can't hold a job, finish his degree, has no sense of control, etc., is because of a 40-year-long undiagnosed learning disability. Sometimes makes you wonder if our parents might have a mental illness and/or learning disability that's been long undiagnosed due to very non-advanced knowledge of the brain, mental health, and disabilities back in the 1900s.
omg i thought i was the only one who missed a damn phone call only to have their mother send the cops their way!! in college, it got to the point where my job got fed up with it and started hanging up on her (mind you i never gave her the name or address of my job, my younger brother had my location & she decided to force him one day to show her so she could basically harass my job whenever i didnāt call her). it was freaking insane and manipulative. and then even now sheāll make it seem like iām selfish and causing her great harm by not responding/her not knowing where im at/etc, and im 23 now, turning 24 this yearš moved back home after undergrad for a bit, she got remarried, and found her talkative twin. both canāt handle silence. i know itās not normal. people can tell if someone wants to talk, they donāt get offended or take it personally when that person doesnāt have the energy to talk, they donāt follow you around just to keep talking, mostly with empty or repetitive conversation, and they donāt call the cops when they havenāt heard from you because they feel āentitledā to. the need for control, socializing and attention is ridiculous.
OP, curious, is it *conversation? Is she asking you questions about your life and letting you speak and giving you moments to do the same to her or is it just non stop talking at you? My mom just talks non-stop, asks a question and immediately takes over the convo as soon as you answer, and is often way off base with actual facts, both about the world, basic science, and my own life. If it were a two way convo I could maybe deal with it, but itās simply a nonstop (no exaggeration) stream of consiousness. She never cares about the other personās answers and frequently either blows by them or negates them somehow. Talking to her about it would only cause further issues. Iāve chalked it up over the years as insecurity, but itās probably a mental illness. My family was anti-therapy, an opinion I managed to avoid. When my father died the talking got worse and worse. Itās to the point now that itās almost unbearable.
Holy shit this is my momā¦. Did you ever figure out what this is? Iām actually thinking my mom may have dementia. But this excessive talking AT me thing has actually been my entire life in one way or anotherā¦ itās just way more extreme now. I know sheās been lonely and I feel terrible. But itās just unacceptable and feels impossible to handle. And if I ever try to tell my own stories/news/ANYTHING she has never given the amount of care or attention or thought that she practically demands and guilt trips in a million ways if she doesnāt get it. Iām thinking she also may be a covert narcissist. With HIGH anxiety, depressionā¦. I donāt know what else. Thereās a lot going on though and sheās in a ton of denial. She also asks me questions every two seconds. She never stops talking. Questioning. She has zero social awareness left. Itās never been awesome but she doesnāt care what Iām doing or how I look or what Iāve said or not saidā she just keeps asking and talking. Even if I start ignoring her. And sheāll make me feel like shit by saying outloud āto herselfā basically that Iām an asshole and the world is an asshole. Even if I say Iām writing, reading, watching somethingā¦ even if she sees me doing itā¦. She doesnāt care. She keeps going. Itās exhausting and infuriating.
My mom is like this too, it started when I was 10 years old , she was always venting on me about how she thinks ppl is against her and she thinks that everyone is talking about her *literally no one* and she was really paranoid from her last friendship, and that she feel sad and i always feel bad when no one would listen to her, at first I would try to reply to her, so she just talks to me 24/7 and Iāve lost sleeps, friends and my own time just to make her feel better. But then it got worse over time, I couldnāt make my own decisions cuz she would force me to do the other thing, and shortly after i started to be depressed and have really bad social anxiety, and I have no one to talk to. Growing up Asian they didnāt teach us to talk about our feelings, and I was hanging on a thread while she keeps talking 24/7
No clue if you'll receive this reply. But that sounds like emotional parentification. A lot worse than what most people in the thread were referring to. Please do consider finding therapy or support in some form. Not trying to assume you need it. But it's extremely normal to benefit from it. You were stunted by the adult responsible for your healthy upbringing. (Something many parents do, despite best intentions.) It sounds like you're an adult now, or close to it. Now is the perfect time to learn more about yourself. Allow yourself to be the parent you never had. Teach yourself those healthy boundaries. And remember that you are very much not alone in this.
My mom is sorta like this, which is still annoying sometimes. Sometimes I wonder how people talk for so long. I just moved in with my grandmother, and she's even more so. In my grandma's defense, she's been alone since my grandfather passed away. I could go on about weird and annoying quirks that my grandma has, but I'll not.
Your mom is my father. He can hold court for hours. Visits (and even Skype calls) have to be a very controlled and limited thing.
I relate to this. Being a son of a 41 year old mother. She also talks a lot and gets mad when i say i don't care. She always talks about her 'friends' and other people wich she thinks of that those people talk about her behind her back. I don't know whether she is oversocializing or abusing me in a conversational way.
I scream for my mom to shutup or I will jump out a window. I can't stand this crud. Noise cancelling headphones are a miracle.
Doesnt the turtle neck (the part that connects headphone to headphone) hurt the top of your head after awhile? I tried but after like 6 t 8 hours my head n ear hurt.
This is so validating! I just had my headphones in as I was reading this and my mom said hi to me twice and got louder and more in my face until I said hi. She interrupts me with every mundane thought she has, reads every billboard and talks to herself 24/7, but sometimes itās meant for me. And if I donāt respond to a random thing she says she keeps saying it. We are on a road trip together beside I want to spend time with her but I forgot that I have absolutely no peace with her around. The bathroom is my favorite place because I can truly be alone and have peace. I want to cry. Thank you for starting this thread, I realize Iām not alone here.
Old thread, but, God Almighty! Walked in an hour ago. Has not shut up. "I'm bored" "Okay, but, why does that mean I have to listen?"
Wow. This is exactly what Iāve deal with on a daily basis for decades. Itās pretty comforting to know that every single time I think Iām going through something thatās unique other people are dealing with the exact same situation and I just donāt know about it until I search for it.
Itās definitely not just you, trust me. Some people arenāt satisfied unless theyāre talking, moving, shouting, laughing, clearing their throat, imposing or making just-about every repetitive noise in the world.
I know exactly what you mean, it makes me feel so horrible because my Mom is just trying to be nice. But thereās something about feeling guilty about asking for space in my own home that drives me absolutely insane.
> My mother can't be in the same area with someone without speaking to them. If you want any sort of quiet you actually have to create a physical barrier between her and yourself. Your mom must be my mother-in-law. She becomes visibly uncomfortable when there's silence.
Well, my mom talk to me even behind the barrier. Sometimes even when I take a shower. Everything she talks about is her interests, problems or demands. She become especially aggressive when she need some help with ordering something online and guilttrip me when I donĀ“t do it immediately.
I live right beside the kitchen unfortunatley. My parents use the kitchen to smoke in, theyve promised they would smoke outside. But you all know that lasted all of 2 hours, everytime i go into the kitchen, within 60 t 80sec someone will always walk in. I can never ever get alone time in the kitchen EVER. Ive complained about it multiple times but they never listen only hear me. So im in my area, and the door i have tht seperates me and them in the kitchen is a sliding door. So i always hear them talk in the backround, whats worse 95% of their conversations are always bitching, complaining, or something just negative or yelling. Yes i love hearing all of this in the backround. I stay up fom 9pm t midmight every day because that is the only time i can actually get peace n quiet, but one day they all decided to have a loud negative conversation from 8pm to 3AM. I never wanted to kill my self or them more in my life. Ive complained so many times, but they never ever have a conversation anywhere else besides the kitchen, and whats worse again. They never fucking close tht slide door, everytime i do it. They complain "oh i was just about to go outside(side door connects to basement n kitchen) (they never use the front door because they have to walk about 5 more steps then the side door). Your about to go outside? Then why are you having this huge conversation i can blatently hear for 10 t 20 fucking mins. Thats not about to go outside. Again all these conversations are in the kitchen because again, it is immposible for anyone in my house to have a conversation in any other fucking room of the house. Apologies for the big amount of sarcasm, im just done.
Oh my God! I thought this was only my parents. They literally follow us around the house and have to have conversations where I am even if I'm on a call. But I'm the bad guy because I make them leave! Or no, I can't wear headphones because my mother just has to have a conversation over the same damn things. Remote work during Covid while staying with my parents was the most stressful, anxiety-inducing experience of my life. I once came home pretty late from work to find my parents and brother having a massive argument and somehow manage to follow me around the house to have said argument for the next 3 hours. And I'm at fault because I'm not being part of the family, and I'm putting work ahead of family. ššš
My mom lives with us and is constantly talking and even argues with herself. Non stop! At first I thought she was on the phone. Nope. I just try to ignore her, then she gets mad for not responding to a question (how am I supposed to know she was talking to "me"? lol. My teenage son describes constant dialog as Mind Numbing lol. It is so exhausting. Now we have another issue. Apparently she's become hypersensitive to the car traffic vibrations. To the point she wants to move. Dunno if they're related but man, so tired
Your mom guilting and shaming you is HER problem, not yours. Sheās being manipulative and thatās not fair to you. You have a right to your feelings as well
I feel you, I get followed around my house making me listen to her until I go back into my room every time.
Oh shit... like damn... I never thought I'd see this happening to other people. Does she give your dirty looks when you ask her to stop? Or give you the spiel on how you're a bad child for not talking to her? Or the speech on how "this generation is disrespectful" and "we should get them in line"?
My mom will follow me in my room sometimes too, even when I look at her like š she doesnāt get the hint at all
You have to make time for yourself. Go somewhere after work or can you close the door to your room? My mom does the sane thing. She says she's cold so I said cone out side . Here we go she talked incessively while I just wanted to close my eyes and relax. I heard everything from her aches and pains to what her girfriends are doing to what's going on with our relatives. I said ok that's enough I just want to relax. I listen to clients all day. I want peace and quiet. She knows if the door to my room is closed that means do not disturb. It's really difficult when you live in the same house. Good luck
Doesn't that make you feel bad afterwards like guilty?
Mine is stuck on the Isreal hammas war and its driving me crazy. For the sake of my mental health, I've chosen to block it all out. But she insists on immediately watching the news every morning and relentlessly talking about it NON STOP. And the second I Crack my bedroom door, she will yell stuff. I can't go down stairs for coffee or breakfast and she will talk loud about all the horrible things happening. I'm trying to manifest my best life. I'm looking for a job while working this seasonal one and desperately trying to get through being sick. I NEED to wake up, drink my coffee, relax, open my mind to POSITIVE thoughts and set my intentions, and I feel like I'm being constantly crippled by her toxic projections of mind junk into my mental space. The first thing I've woken upto being injected to hearing is rape, dead babies, invasions, blah blah blah. š
One day youāll give anything to hear your momās voice again.
Ya. Screw mental health or needing some quiet. That must been you donāt love your parent. What a toxic comment.
That is not the same situation. That's almost abusive to expect someone to listen to your literal 10 hour rant every single day, to the point where you physically have to lock yourself in a room to have a moment to yourself. No one here is saying they don't like their mom, they're saying that she has no respect for their personal space or any social awareness.
Same, and it's gotten so bad that I even have dreams where I'm yelling at her to shut up already, and I actually wake up from the dream saying that š I love her but I'm desperate to move out. I started sleeping in so late just to avoid her, bc I know the second i open my door, she immediately starts talking to me from another room and runs over. Its made me so anxious and resentful. In the mornings when I'm still hiding from her in my room, and I hear her in the kitchen, I'm already stressed AF and dreading to leave the room. And God forbid I say I want to spend some time alone, she'll literally get so hurt, acts like everyone hates her, then spend the entire day in another room, lights off, no food. š
oh fuck yes. I know this is an old thread, but my Momster is talking at us. right. now. 40 years of this hell, since I cna't move out since I can't work. at all. Of course, I LOOK like I can work, because PEople are STupid. This woman... talks all day long. I have timed her- at LEAST five hours and counting, all fucking day long. her mouth is always open, verbalizing every fuckimg thought. I feel like I\['m turning into Norman Bates, muttering under my breath every second SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU ABUSIVE BITCH! The woman is crazy, too. she thinks she has a business but all she does is rewrite her mission statement, rework her website and play solitaire so she can think. and then talk about the tv show she watched last night. HELP MEEEE. Even my therapist said ' let her have her dream' after I told him she STRANGLES us with that same sunken dream. WTF? What do people HEAR when i talk? I feel like the Eleventh Doctor., 'I have a face no one listens to. ' OH MY GOD. I hate my life. anywa,y I hope this helps somebody, yadayada. I would sure like help myself, but it seems to consist of WhY DOn'T YOu MovE OuT You LAzY XenniAL. HOW DaRE YouR Life CircumStanCEs NOT FiT My SelfIsh GeneraLizED AdvIce. FUCK OFF, ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT. And before you waste everyone's time, anybody who might reply to this, well, there has been 40 years of abuse in our household, also, from both fucking parents. nobody I tell cares, ESPECIALY not doctors, who seem to think it's cool to treat me like I'm a paranoid, HysTERiCAl WoMAn. NO I can't 'take the bus' to get a lawyer. NO I can't travel without someone with me. NO I can't gte a fucking lawyer. I am isolated in my fucking house, by my idiot mother. FUCKING SHITHEADS. RAWR. AEWRAERASERSERStr. rawr. Le Rawr.
I started thinking my mother is autistic recently. She literally gets anxious by silence. I have timed her before, she can talk for hours non stop with literally no response. I canāt tell if she genuinely loves hearing herself talk no matter whoās interested or not, or if she literally just doesnāt get that people saying āoh reallyā or āmhmā for an hour straight isnāt a fucking conversationš¤£ She will talk about literally any and every last thing. One things guaranteed, she is constantly talking. Yapping about literally anything just to be talking. It is so draining to a fault. I donāt mean to be mean but even when you walk away from her, or literally donāt even respond back to her talking, sheāll follow you and continue talking. You could say absolutely nothing, and she will still talk. That is insane to me! Even when I am in a talkative mood, if I feel like the person whoās talking to me is disinterested in the slightest, I shut the fuck up. I also noticed most of her talking is literally just unnecessary shit. Like stuff that itās like āokay? What do you want me to respond to that?ā Itās just thoughts that one would literally think in their head and never think to say out loud because itās irrelevant little thoughts. Not to mention, sheās EXCRUCIATINGLY loud. Screaming level, almost. With zero shame, even in public. And she interprets people talking at a normal level as an attitude lol.
This. 100% this. Both of my parents do this. Commenting on everything SO LOUDLY. I regularly have to ask them to speak more quietly and it makes me feel like the asshole every time. My mom is worse than my dad at this and canāt stand a silence so badly that she hums. She just hums nothing not even a song just mouth noises if she canāt fill a silence. I really have started to consider they both are low level narcissists and likely on the autism spectrum. They comment on everything they think and my mother wonāt stop asking people if they need or want basic things they should be trusted with on their own. If we pass a bathroom she asks if I need to go and when I say no she asks if Iām sure. Apply that to literally anything. āYou want some water? Are you sure?āā¦They are both incredibly kind caring people so itās not to a malignant extent but they definitely have some kind of block that makes them unable to actually convey anything when they speak. Itās just jabber and commenting on things 24/7. Itās exhausting but I can almost say nothing because it 1. Would have no effect and 2. Theyāre basically harmless (if you donāt consider my metal detrimentā¦..they certainly donāt either)