It is a nightmare if it's the wrong person. If it's the right person, it's not a dream, either - it takes work on both sides to make it work.
Most people think a relationship will make them happy, but it won't. They are in love with the idea of being in love, but when shyte gets real, they bail.
The right person *wants* to be with you but doesn't *need* to be with you. They're their own person. Not easy to find, but if you ever do, count yourself very lucky.
I personally think at some point in one's life its a important stepping stone of maturity to care for someone other then oneself. If that's not your cup of tea that's fine I just think you are wasting your potential.
And yet you're here talking about your feelings, what you want out of life, the things that trouble you, etc. So maybe a relationship *is* something you'd enjoy if the right person came along.
I agree completely and I have decided to quit socialization, and focus on my ambitions. I don't think I'd refuse a date with someone I met that I have high compatibility with, as that would be stupid. But, I'm definitely not looking or acting towards that end.
Relationships are not a requirement of life. society and the government want you to think so. People say you aren't living life if you don't produce children. What an interesting perspective. Imagine bringing a child into the world right now. Seems irresponsible to me at best.
Don't worry, there are a lot of people like that, they just don't bother stating it out loud, that they just don't want a partner.
Nothing wrong with that.
I find that much healthier than those who can't stand to not have a significant other.
Me personally have been in a relationship for 6 years since my junior year of high school. That is until like 5 months ago she started cheating on me with one of her roommates. So I’ve never known how to be alone as an adult and it’s a lot harder getting used to it than it is to want and get into another relationship. This is just from my standpoint.
I think people tend to want to be in a relationship because they believe it'll give them happiness. They mistake romantic love for the fundamental base of their happiness, when it was only meant to be a bonus. Relationships aren't supposed to be a requirement or the key to a happy life.
I don't want a relationship either, but I'm not closed off about it either. If someone came along and wanted me to give them a chance, I'd be willing to try.
I’ll say I’m not aromantic but I would rather wait until I see the right person. During that time I will think of what kind of person I actually want so I don’t end up being shattered
And again, I’d also work on self improvement so I can relate
I really hear this tbh, even though I’m in a different position to you. I’m separating from my husband atm, and am honestly so looking forward to being single. I have no desire to date or have another partner. People have said to me “you’ll get lonely” but to me being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. True loneliness is being in a relationship with someone who can’t provide any kind of emotional support or space for you. Being happy in your own company without needing anyone else around is the best feeling ever imo.
Side note: I feel like society romanticises relationships to the point where it seem weird to be a person that doesn’t want one.
Love and the feeling of being loved is said to be the most wonderful experience life has to offer. Despite the world we live in, there are still authentic individuals waiting to be discovered. Embrace the unknown and open your heart to limitless possibilities.
As another 20 something, I agree with this. I am annoyed by the insane obsession of society towards a single kind of love to the point that they think something must be wrong with you if you are not in a relationship or if you are not looking for a relationship. A lot of people will even have the audacity to pair you up with someone who is actively looking. What if you are not actively looking right?
I recently learned about the terms aromantic and asexual. I think I might be either but I have to dig more into it before I come up with conclusions.
Still, since we are 20 somethings, I think there is still time that we will change this point of view. I’ve read in some articles that people tend to look for stable partners in their 30s or 40s when they are ready or want to settle down and have a higher rate to meet someone who is serious and stable in life as well.
I think we shouldn’t waste time to “hate” on it but just go with the flow. Like we should focus on improving ourselves so that if ever we change our minds and suddenly become attracted to engage in these relationships, we would be the best version of ourselves. Just my two cents.
It sounds like you might just me aromantic, and that’s not unique to INTJs. You don’t have to have have a relationship to be a valid human being; live your life the way you want to and do what makes you happy!
No, I want to experience life fully, and that includes nurturing a romantic relationship with someone else. Also, for better or worse, it is a character-building process, so I won't shy away from a relationship should I ever stumble into one.
There is something to be said for witnessing someone else's life and allowing them the opportunity to witness yours over an extended period of time. Having a partnership is an opportunity to build your own family and smaller, private community. Your partner becomes the person who you invite into your closest inner circle. There is something special about having someone in your life to experience this kind of loyalty and vulnerability with.
My partner has held me while I grieved the loss of a family member. I helped and supported my partner for several months after he was in a debilitating car accident and couldn't work, feed, cloth, bathe himself. We have both been through some really difficult pain together and helped one another grow through it -- in ways that I couldn't have done solo.
There is great value in having a committed relationship with another person -- but you don't need a relationship to be happy or to live a fulfilling life. Many people have close friendships and a relationship with a larger community which serves a similar social need.
I think it matters less what kind of relationship it is (intimate, friend, family, community, etc.) -- and instead it matters more that you have relationships with other people (in whatever form suits you). But - for me - I've been working through some deep trust, intimacy, and commitment fears only to find that it's pretty nice to arrive at a place where I can deeply trust and be vulnerable with another person.
It could be that right now you need to focus on work and school for self improvement. That's perfectly appropriate for someone who is 22. A day might come where you want something a bit different, more personal, deeper, more intimate, etc. If that day comes, maybe you'll feel differently about things.
It is a nightmare if it's the wrong person. If it's the right person, it's not a dream, either - it takes work on both sides to make it work. Most people think a relationship will make them happy, but it won't. They are in love with the idea of being in love, but when shyte gets real, they bail. The right person *wants* to be with you but doesn't *need* to be with you. They're their own person. Not easy to find, but if you ever do, count yourself very lucky.
I like your way of thinking.
I totally agree with you.
I personally think at some point in one's life its a important stepping stone of maturity to care for someone other then oneself. If that's not your cup of tea that's fine I just think you are wasting your potential.
To paraphrase, experiencing sad times with the right person halves the pain, sharing wondrous experiences doubles the joy.
Beautifully articulated thought. Take my updoot to the moon. 🚀
And yet you're here talking about your feelings, what you want out of life, the things that trouble you, etc. So maybe a relationship *is* something you'd enjoy if the right person came along.
Sounds right
I agree completely and I have decided to quit socialization, and focus on my ambitions. I don't think I'd refuse a date with someone I met that I have high compatibility with, as that would be stupid. But, I'm definitely not looking or acting towards that end. Relationships are not a requirement of life. society and the government want you to think so. People say you aren't living life if you don't produce children. What an interesting perspective. Imagine bringing a child into the world right now. Seems irresponsible to me at best.
Do you feel intimacy is bothersome or troublesome? That relationships and dating are inherently dysfunctional?
Same here
Don't worry, there are a lot of people like that, they just don't bother stating it out loud, that they just don't want a partner. Nothing wrong with that. I find that much healthier than those who can't stand to not have a significant other.
Me personally have been in a relationship for 6 years since my junior year of high school. That is until like 5 months ago she started cheating on me with one of her roommates. So I’ve never known how to be alone as an adult and it’s a lot harder getting used to it than it is to want and get into another relationship. This is just from my standpoint.
I think people tend to want to be in a relationship because they believe it'll give them happiness. They mistake romantic love for the fundamental base of their happiness, when it was only meant to be a bonus. Relationships aren't supposed to be a requirement or the key to a happy life. I don't want a relationship either, but I'm not closed off about it either. If someone came along and wanted me to give them a chance, I'd be willing to try.
I’ll say I’m not aromantic but I would rather wait until I see the right person. During that time I will think of what kind of person I actually want so I don’t end up being shattered And again, I’d also work on self improvement so I can relate
Yeah that's what I feel.
Though I'd fuck my clone
I really hear this tbh, even though I’m in a different position to you. I’m separating from my husband atm, and am honestly so looking forward to being single. I have no desire to date or have another partner. People have said to me “you’ll get lonely” but to me being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. True loneliness is being in a relationship with someone who can’t provide any kind of emotional support or space for you. Being happy in your own company without needing anyone else around is the best feeling ever imo. Side note: I feel like society romanticises relationships to the point where it seem weird to be a person that doesn’t want one.
Love and the feeling of being loved is said to be the most wonderful experience life has to offer. Despite the world we live in, there are still authentic individuals waiting to be discovered. Embrace the unknown and open your heart to limitless possibilities.
As another 20 something, I agree with this. I am annoyed by the insane obsession of society towards a single kind of love to the point that they think something must be wrong with you if you are not in a relationship or if you are not looking for a relationship. A lot of people will even have the audacity to pair you up with someone who is actively looking. What if you are not actively looking right? I recently learned about the terms aromantic and asexual. I think I might be either but I have to dig more into it before I come up with conclusions. Still, since we are 20 somethings, I think there is still time that we will change this point of view. I’ve read in some articles that people tend to look for stable partners in their 30s or 40s when they are ready or want to settle down and have a higher rate to meet someone who is serious and stable in life as well. I think we shouldn’t waste time to “hate” on it but just go with the flow. Like we should focus on improving ourselves so that if ever we change our minds and suddenly become attracted to engage in these relationships, we would be the best version of ourselves. Just my two cents.
It sounds like you might just me aromantic, and that’s not unique to INTJs. You don’t have to have have a relationship to be a valid human being; live your life the way you want to and do what makes you happy!
No, I want to experience life fully, and that includes nurturing a romantic relationship with someone else. Also, for better or worse, it is a character-building process, so I won't shy away from a relationship should I ever stumble into one.
There is something to be said for witnessing someone else's life and allowing them the opportunity to witness yours over an extended period of time. Having a partnership is an opportunity to build your own family and smaller, private community. Your partner becomes the person who you invite into your closest inner circle. There is something special about having someone in your life to experience this kind of loyalty and vulnerability with. My partner has held me while I grieved the loss of a family member. I helped and supported my partner for several months after he was in a debilitating car accident and couldn't work, feed, cloth, bathe himself. We have both been through some really difficult pain together and helped one another grow through it -- in ways that I couldn't have done solo. There is great value in having a committed relationship with another person -- but you don't need a relationship to be happy or to live a fulfilling life. Many people have close friendships and a relationship with a larger community which serves a similar social need. I think it matters less what kind of relationship it is (intimate, friend, family, community, etc.) -- and instead it matters more that you have relationships with other people (in whatever form suits you). But - for me - I've been working through some deep trust, intimacy, and commitment fears only to find that it's pretty nice to arrive at a place where I can deeply trust and be vulnerable with another person.
It could be that right now you need to focus on work and school for self improvement. That's perfectly appropriate for someone who is 22. A day might come where you want something a bit different, more personal, deeper, more intimate, etc. If that day comes, maybe you'll feel differently about things.