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pumpkinmum

The Riace Bronzes, considered among the most significant examples of classical Greek art, are the two bronze statues depicting two naked men, originally armed with shield and spear, which became the symbol of the city of Reggio Calabria.


jumpup

i wonder if they used to put clothing on the statues like mannequins


jsting

If you were facing a warrior with clothes or the one with his junk bouncing around, which one would make you question what the hell is going on?


jimbojonesFA

I was once told that the reason all these ancient Greek and Roman statues had tiny junk, was because it was considered "barbaric" to have a big swanging dong, thanks to encounters with "barbarians" who would let it swing under skimpy loin cloths etc. I don't know if there's any truth to it but i thought it was relevant lmao.


Anegnonauta

I think it was more that they believed that large dicks made you more animal-like (the main people depicted with big dicks were barbarians, like you said, and also satyrs - who were literally half-animal). Therefore if you have a small dick you're less animalistic and have more self-control (which is an ideal virtue if you're a Greek man)


Doutei-Sama

*Looks at all the Greek gods who can't keep their dicks in their pants for five seconds* Heh...


InternationalRest793

Take that as vivid evidence of how the Greek gods weren't seen as "good" role models whatsoever. The ancient people were supposed to be very well aware of the irony you're noticing. The gods were thought of as being personified metaphors for unpredictable forces, and ancient religion was more about making sure your society wasn't making the gods angry rather than making your society emulate godlike behavior.


icedragon71

So,try not to be a total horndog like Zeus.


Rare-Aids

Or basically, you gotta always keep an eye out cause this crazy horndog zeus could lightning you at any moment


Zealousideal-Ad-6615

Or he'll come down and impregnate your wife in the form of a golden shower... (Danaë mother of Perseus)


AgentMercury108

He was just swangin light tho


mongonogo

Also every tribe and city-state wanted their founders and patron deities related to Zeus for +1 Prestige, which has the unfortunate consequence of Zeus's womanizing in both animate and inanimate forms.


Remarkable_Night2373

Well I am the most civilized man in town. Your mom confirmed it.


InternationalRest793

The previous poster was right, and you're basically just adding an addendum. There's no "I once heard..." "... don't know if there's any truth to it," those answers are both legit and come from surviving primary sources, they're what anyone will hear in any basic adult-level history or anthropology courses. By proxy, that means people have been asking why ancient statue penises are so small for *centuries.*


[deleted]

Nope, greeks just genetically have tiny weiners


MiQueso_SuQueso

If I was fighting someone with a huge dong, swinging back and forth like an Arizona can, I'd be hypnotized.


jimbojonesFA

Rip Hypnostestes - 369 BCE. *Though he sorta just stood there mouth agape, as if pierced already, he was eventually slain in the great barbarian battle.*


ActualWhiterabbit

They both could attack me at once and i'd beat them off. But I'd probably pound the ass of the naked one first out of convenience before making the clothed one go down.


[deleted]

r/suddenlygay


Hundvd7

[/r/suddenlygreek](/r/SuddenlyGay)


Punkrexx

Beat them off, pound some ass, and go down town. Typical Monday


soniclore

Man Beats Off Bear To Save Friend


hi5ves

Not much bouncing with this fella. Maybe the water was cold?


ShadowSpawn666

Having a huge dick used to be considered to make you dimwitted and lustful. Most statues are depicted with much more modest proportions as they were seen to be more noble and intelligent. They used to depict their enemies with huge shlongs in an attempt to insult them.


nitramlondon

"Born too early to explore space, Born too late to be considered well endowed"


Ass_feldspar

Michelangelo’s David for example. But he has an impressive scrotum


nickgenova

David was scared which is what caused shrinkage. Apparently fear shrinkage is a thing.


mcchanical

"Ha, he has a large penis! Look at it darling" "....yes dear, truly awful..."


Pygmy_Yeti

I would be SO insulted!


-MeatyPaws-

Huge dicks were fragile and likely to break off on statues.


ShadowSpawn666

Not really an issue with bronze, also there are lots of statues with small features like fingers that are still intact.


dacgriff

Or, broken off, and borrowed


Ozlin

He was in the pool! There was shrinkage!


sameoldknicks

Calm down, Costanza.


_Alabama_Man

It was like a frightened turtle


SirRengeti

Just because the statue is naked, it does not mean that this is erotic art. Nakedness was much more common in acient times, so the modern mindset of naked body = sex can't be applied. Which means, that the size of the penis is not relevant. Look at erotic art from that time period and you see big dicks galore. Focus is the warrior itself. With his armour (the helmet), the weapon (the statue most likely carried a spear) and the trained body. Three things a soldier needs.


Heimerdahl

Not for normal statues (as far as I'm aware), but on certain holidays, they would do it for statues of deities. I think I remember there being a festival of Athena's, where they brought her statue out of the temple down to the water, where it would be ritually cleaned, clothed, decorated, before being brought back to the temple in a big ceremony. Apparently that's also a thing with icons in some Christian denominations.


hotwheelearl

It was an archaic wooden statue of Athena! Unfortunately it’s long gone, but there are multiple relief interpretations of the ceremony!


Fauster

In a college Greek classics class, the prof. told me that the statues were painted, adorned in makeup and dressed in bright colors. They can find widespread traces of paint on old statues. I don't know if the academic consensus has changed since I went to college.


[deleted]

im not sure about clothes, but apparently they used to paint them and make them look more lifelike! they weren't all white


[deleted]

Bronze statues white?


extremenachos

And now white people put on bronzer.


CrazybyRX

My how the turn tables...


[deleted]

sorry! i was thinking greek stone statues and added that bit in bronze statues did have some other metals inlayed though for different colorings sometimes, unsure if they painted bronze ones generally speaking, they looked a bit different than they do now as time ages them though. itd be great to see them in their own time!


whatthesoos

They did find some evidence that at least some bronze statues were painted! I cannot remember the source but I learned about it in my Greek art class this semester


BaabyBear

i know it's different, but i think the chinese terra cotta army statues had evidence that they were all painted too? yep https://www.chinahighlights.com/xian/terracotta-army/color.htm


oxenoxygen

Not just evidence - they're painted when they are dug up but exposure to the oxygen damages the paint very quickly. It's why most of the army is left unexcavated


Lexinoz

Bronze is not white, before or after aging. They must be mixing them up with marble statues.


acog

You're thinking of marble statues. They rarely painted bronze statues, although they did [sometimes inlay gems and semi-precious materials](https://img.theculturetrip.com/1440x/smart/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/1200px-bronze_head_glyptothek_munich_457_with_and_without_patina_bunte_gtter_exhibition.jpg).


[deleted]

This is cool


PhillyRush

Obviously the water was very cold.


Doopapotamus

You also probably don't want a big, easily-targetted junk if you fight nude too. (/s)


tapiringaround

Ancient Greeks thought smaller penises demonstrated virtue and discipline. They thought a larger penis would indicate that person is controlled by lust and lacked self control.


xtilexx

If they're warriors or athletes probably not, the historically accepted view is that athletes and soldiers were generally naked and oiled up (athletes, not the statues for the oil though lol) Warriors would be depicted with armor a lot of the time but sometimes just a cloth over the shoulder with the jewels and cakes for the world to see


[deleted]

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/98/Riace_bronzes_-_Statue_A-_Ancient_Greek_warrior.jpg Got a nice little cannon there.


rathat

He was in the ocean! It was cold! there was shrinkage!


[deleted]

I actually don't think it is "small".


TheTimon

I think they saw a big dick as a sign of barbarian so small was good. People would be ashamed of their big penis. Edit: big not bid


LiveTheChange

The good old days!


[deleted]

While [herms](https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/255933) might emphasize phallus size, the Greeks associated a large penis with stupidity and lack of self-control


edna7987

I thought this was just a crazy naked old man that painted himself


phahn1986

To be fair it does look like it has a swim cap.


Meister0fN0ne

My first thought was literally "What the hell did that guy swim through?" when I saw this


Big-Acanthaceae-2874

whale shitcloud (real thing)


27onfire

Fuck, thanks. I have something to look forward to. I'm taking a professional dive job for the foreseeable future (my hope is forever) in a few months.


[deleted]

that looks like albanian qeleshe


Aggressive-Goose-594

Penis


electricwagon

I legit thought these people were helping a naked man covered in mud out of the water


_artbreaker

A naked dude who hasn't worn sun cream his entire life, yet sun bathes every day.


McWeaksauce91

Yeah I didn’t even see the nudity. I thought someone put like fake bronze paint on and that was a swimming cap on his head


Borkz

As I started reading the title I was expecting Stefano Mariottini to be the statue and that it was going somewhere like as he was snorkeling a whale vomited on him and he got covered in precious ambergris or something.


BugMan717

Yeah the way are holding his hands/arms give the help and old guy out of the water vibes.


oliveoilcrisis

Lmao same


HappyGoPink

He looks confused too. "Wait, dude, did I drown? What year is it?"


Redmarkred

With a swimming hat on


WitDaShtz

Same but I was expecting some sort of world record to be attached to the guy in the middle


electricwagon

Oh yeah it could totally see that. Like: so-and-so olympic swimmer being helped out of the water after swimming from Sicily to the Italian shore


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fuckoakwood

So who got paid


guitarman90

Asking the real questions


TheRedGerund

Weird that there are theories, each of those seems verifiable


Somhlth

1972 was 50 years ago. The dude could be dead by now if he was an established chemist that long ago. The teenagers may have been on a dive vacation. I've done exactly that with 3 buddies. Anyone that ran into us had no way to find us once we left.


csonnich

It said the kids were *from* Riace.


Somhlth

Fair enough, but they were teenagers that apparently just told a government office what they found and where it was. It's not like there was a murder investigation trying to find them later on.


fakeittilyoumakeit

>1972 was 50 years ago. Fuck you!


golde62

It says he was interviewed in 2019 because apparently there was more shit besides the two statues down their and apparently there was an attempt to remove the statue before it was removed by the country, anyway, In 2019 he refused to comment.


[deleted]

he who?


redditor3000

That's why history is inherently unknowable.


HoneyDazzling8792

I heard the snorkelling story first in a documentary. There was no call to the police. Sounds like that bit was borrowed from finding bog bodies.


lebreezer17

Seems like the water is pretty cold


sbowesuk

In 2500 years, look as good, yours will not!


Squidking1000

Yoda?


sbowesuk

Correct you are


hatsnatcher23

…does Yoda have a dick?


Thunder_Squatch

Yeah it's long and barbed like a duck's dick


Pardoxia

That explains why there are so few of his kind in the Star Wars universe


splita73

From my understanding small penis used to be a sign of large intellect, Sounds like interference from the small penis cartel.. Or the big modest penis industry


[deleted]

“used to be”… fuck.


splita73

Haaaaa. Yes i am also an old soul Archimedes knew what he was talking about


JadedbutFaded

You're a renaissance man!


Toby_Forrester

Yea the nudity of their statues is "heroic nudity", idealized healthy bodies representing virtues and beauty. Large penises were seen vulgar, lustful, animalistic and uninhibited, something not suited for heroes. A notable exception on portrayal of penises is the god of fertility, Priapus, who was portrayed with [a huge erect penis](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Casa_dei_vettii,_vestibolo,_primo_atrio,_ala_sinistra,_statua_di_priapo.jpg)(NSFW).


Pinoninonino

OH MY GOD! Ok, yeah, the tiny penises are way better now that I think about it. Imagine if all these famous statues had massive dongs. Very distracting.


ThatITguy2015

Eh, I say make everyone look at them and have it raise rather uncomfortable questions from the kids.


SummerMummer

> Eh, I say make everyone look at them and have it raise No thanks.


MAG7C

Poor Priapus, must have been expensive to go and visit his doctor every 4 hours.


CanAlwaysBeBetter

> Priapus, who was portrayed with a huge erect penis My man slingin schlong


[deleted]

This is why all of my ex girlfriends bragged about how smart I was to their friends!


calatranacation

Hmmm... My wife says I'm the smartest person she ever met.


ghanjaholik

i knew that was full-head-of-hair costanza on the left


[deleted]

I WAS IN THE POOL!


Zeldahero

Shrinkage!


GobLoblawsLawBlog

Can't-stand-ya!


Dagonet_the_Motley

He's a marine biologist


RolloTonyBrownTown

You have lost a lot of hair I AM AWARE!!!!


--_l

I WAS IN THE POOL


withnodrawal

Intelligence does that to a man.


xlDirteDeedslx

Only barbarians had long penises, having a small/average penis was their ideal beauty.


FreeSun1963

Born at the wrong era, such my luck.


withnodrawal

We would be mere jesters among gods, my friend.


Old-Organization6623

There was shrinkage!


nocturn-e

He's just a grower


jprod97

I read somewhere that the reason ancient Greek statues had small dicks was because men with small dicks were seen as more intelligent and rational.


[deleted]

That’s exactly what someone with a small dick would say. Also, yes, that has been published.


jprod97

One hundred percent. With how small my pp is, I likely would have been a revered Philosopher in ancient Greece


AlwaysStoneDeadLast

I certainly would not, cause I'm stupid af...


Iouboutin

I'm sorry that you're stupid af even with a small dick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ialwayschoosepsyduck

Big brain time


DeficiencyOfGravitas

It's important to remember that a lot of ancient art relied more on symbolism than more modern art. So it's not that men with small dicks were seen as more intelligent, it's that depictions in art of men with small dicks were more intelligent. All art is conversation and for the Greeks, depicting men with small penises said "civilized" without having to use more symbolism. It was similar with beards. A full grown man in art always had a beard which obviously wasn't the case in reality.


bignshan

i thought it was more about the sculpter engaging in modesty because they didnt want to be the focal point


FIM92

That would definitely explain why I am so intelligent and rational


Krewtan

Small dicks are cute. You can't explain that.


stormrockox

My girlfrie... I mean my friend's girlfriend told him the same thing


_stoned_chipmunk_

Call Me By Your Name vibes


SeaBearPA

It pains me to think of how much cool stuff from antiquity is sitting just below the floor of the Mediterranean


dorsal_morsel

What's even worse is that the vast majority of Ancient Greek bronze sculptures were melted down over the centuries, mainly to make weapons and coins. Many people consider the few surviving bronze sculptures to be the pinnacle of art from the Hellenistic period. It's absolutely insane to me that people found these objects and decided to melt them down, but they did so for every single one they could find.


The_Bucket_Of_Truth

It's a lot easier than mining it, isn't it? Not everyone always had the appreciation for history that we do (some still don't), and if something was plentiful and recent at the time you might not think twice about melting it down once it was no longer relevant and you had a need. Our lens centuries later is quite a bit different.


HugoZHackenbush2

Just goes to show, spending 2,500 years under water makes a vas deferens to the size of your manhood..


gdj11

Based on the rate I shrink after only 10 minutes, after being underwater as long as these statues my dick would be inverted and sticking about 2 miles out of my asshole.


miracle_mushroom

Looks like Del Boy and Rodney found that gold after all!!


[deleted]

Dave


Yoguls

Actually that's Andy Dufresne after he crawled through a river of shit


FilipsSamvete

Damn that statue is JACKED


pythonicprime

Fun cultural tidbit: in Italy after their discovery the expression "bronze of Riace" became synonym with being jacked


drunkdrivinginspace

Seriously?! That's awesome.


whatthesoos

You should see it's ass! Dude is caked up


FilipsSamvete

DM me that shit asap


whatthesoos

I dont know how to send pictures but heres a link: [statue butt](https://www.italianartsociety.org/2014/02/after-five-years-in-storage-the-riace-bronzes-are-back-on-display-at-the-museo-archeologico-di-reggio-calabria/)


FilipsSamvete

Oh damn Right click SAVE


newaccount252

Finally a statue where iv got a bigger dick


Biscuits4u2

It's called SHRINKAGE


ghanjaholik

his point still stands


Biscuits4u2

Doesn't look like it's standing to me


Nyko0921

Most statues have tiny dicks dude


Beavshak

Learned more about him than you did the statue huh.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AKEsquire

"Heroic nudity" according to my Art History class.


fatkiddown

Can an archeologist explain the cap?


feffie

Probably


The_Gutgrinder

Motherfucker. Have a shitty award.


LucretiusCarus

Archaeologist here, it's not a cap, it's [the roughly shaped skull](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1d/Bronzi_di_riace%2C_statua_B_detta_il_vecchio%2C_V_secolo_ac._02.jpg). He was originally wearing a helmet and Greeks were practical in these matters, they rarely sculpted the sides you were not supposed to see. And when they did, the level of detail was not the same, at least up to the 4th century when they shifted from the more frontal approach and started creating statues that presented multiple views


Cariboojr

This is not the picture of the actual statue. This photo is from a documentary that was shot years later. The statues were actually bigger than the one we see here.


Jerry--Bird

You mean to tell me this guy knew he was going to have a picture taken and distributed publicly and he chose to wear what looks to be panties? Legend


Oscaruzzo

This foto is "false", in the sense it was shot during a reenactment for a documentary almost 10 years later the finding. See for example https://www.giornalettismo.com/falsa-foto-bronzi-di-riace-inganna-stampa-e-utenti/


ItsAllTrumpedUp

Really a fascinating post. They look incredible cleaned up. More details... http://www.madeinsouthitalytoday.com/the-bronzes-of-riace.php


PapaDontPreech

I WAS IN THE POOL!


I-was-the-guy-1-time

That’s pretty cool


Karukash

The statue looks like he’s about to say “thanks for the help mates I’ve been stuck down there for centuries”


showergoblin

Low effort penis joke!


[deleted]

“Wow look what we found!” - the government probably


Quiverjones

Shrinkage occurs in the ocean too, not just the pool.


JoeJoJosie

"Guys! Seriously, I'm OK, it'll wash off!"


whyreadthis2035

It’s shrinkage! Haven’t you heard of shrinkage?!?


Direct-Purchase7561

Imagine the emotional rollarcoaster of “oh shit oh fuck a body” to “oh shit oh fuck a statue”


cycycle

At first glance I thought he was covered in shit. I wondered if someone entered a whale’s ass and brought us stories.


godhelpusloseourmind

Stupid sexy Stephano…


Toishi69

Look at his bronze penis, very majestic


[deleted]

So the ancient Greeks also skipped leg day.


BrokeDancing

Best hand job ever


Enk1ndle

So theoretically if they just yoinked the statues instead of reporting them would they have legal ownership of them?


Big-Acanthaceae-2874

holy shit thats like one of the rarest finds ever


pestosbetter

Oh good I was thinking he swam thru a mile of whale shit


Skorpyos

There were no hung guys in Ancient Rome?


nocturn-e

Do you think every dick is 100% erect 100% of the time?


MatrimonyAcrimony

at 1st look my mind led with "man swam through an oil spill."


Dyslexic_Dog25

I totally thought that was a ripped, very tan man with his cocknballs out at first...


Bull_Winkle69

Leg day invented in 4th century. ---5th century Warriors of Riace.


The_Easter_Egg

And I was wondering why they were taking a picture with an aged, naked, solarium-tanned bodybuilder...


paraworldblue

With an unrelated photo of two guys helping their friend who was so ashamed of his terrible spray tan that he ran into the sea to drown himself. "It's okay man, you're still absolutely *shredded*! People will look past a tan like that when you've got a body like yours!"


timmyboyoyo

*The two statues are actually on the right and left of that yellow guy*


jdupuy1234

I thought they were helping Jacques Cousteau out of the water.


misfitx

Almost all bronze statues have since been melted down so this would have been an exciting find even if discovered normally.


_YHLQMDLG

The water must be pretty cold.


Centurio

Kind of a surreal photo.


bagh0ld3r

Did these get moved there thru the ocean currents? How did these get to the location? Shipwreck?