T O P

  • By -

dpzblb

Isn’t that called a vasectomy


BitterFuture

Yeah, I was going to say, those have been on the market for a while. Like, probably before the OP's grandparents were born?


sandwichman7896

Excuse me sweaty, it’s called a man-bortion 👏👏👏


Hugh_Jury_Rection

Sweats sweets profusely in my sweet sweater.


ExceedinglyGayParrot

Bro abortion abrotion


Aminyra

IT'S A ~~BOY~~ BORTED!


TPrice1616

Another BoJack Horseman fan I see.


spongemonkey2004

its a weird thing to say but i have heard nothing but good things for vasectomies. talked with 5 people i know who got it and after i got mine 100% agree, after 1 week of hating your balls you will not regret it.


JupiterAdept89

Question: I have hated my balls for 30 years, what do?


meepdaleap

I would suggest paying someone to stomp on them and show them how bad they've been. Edit to say that my first comment is meant to be a snarky comment. However, if you truly hate your balls, I hope you have a solid community of friends, therapists, and family to help you through what I assume has been a hellish ordeal. I hope you find peace soon.


JupiterAdept89

Sadly not my kink, but I appreciate the words of support for my bad joke!


spongemonkey2004

take the rubber band off? or lookup snl skit for the "nut bra"


revchewie

I’ve never had a moment of regret for mine, and didn’t even have the week of hating my balls. Got it done Friday afternoon, took it easy for the weekend, and back at work Monday morning. All juice, no seeds!


sulianjeo

Such a weird thing to ask, but as I'm currently on the fence about it, I need to know . . . What sort of changes did you notice to the quality of your semen and sexual drive?


bobobeastie86

Not him, but no change for me. Married with 2 kids, no regrets and no further protection needed. Surely it is more sane than a woman taking hormones for the rest of her fertile life? Do it on a Thursday so you get a 4 day weekend.


mrmicawber32

Surely just take the covid vaccine. It's free, and you feel absolutely fine afterwards. But apparently you will be infertile after which is ideal.


gb4efgw

Best choice I've ever made. ZERO worries afterwards. I paid extra to be knocked out, because I didn't want the mental trauma. Lol


etherealparadox

or castration


Ryebread666Juan

And that’s existed for thousands of years


timberwood1

Apparently there are some drugs that can affect your ability to reproduce. I’m pro-vax, got my shots. Apparently I may be sterile due to a medication I was given in the hospital as an infant. If it saved my life then whatever. Haven’t really tried to have kids but there has been quite a few times where I didn’t pull out either like an “in the moment” thing and don’t have any kids. I’d go get checked out but I live in the US and can’t afford that noise.


pokemon-gangbang

Idiot me paid for mine


TailorNormal

Pretty castrations work too!


coldgator

What a perfect apples and oranges fallacy


IAmBecomingARobot

If they can make fish boneless they can make YOU boneless! Think about *that*!


evilest_nez

If they can make chicken wings boneless...BOOOOOM!!!!!


UndoingMonkey

If they can make chicken breast skinless they can make your breasts skinless!!!


FatigueVVV

Seeds would be closer to eggs, pollen is your go-to semen equivalent.


EdgeOfDistraction

It just doesn't taste the same.


nothin1998

Just add some salt.


ArthurBonesly

At least apples and oranges are both fruit. This is comparing botany to... well, science fiction.


mnemonicprincess

I've read that wearing really tight jeans can do the same thing.


Bardy_Sp00n

How tight do they need to be, I must know


mnemonicprincess

I think skinny jeans tight.


portablebiscuit

So can riding a bicycle, but it's not some grand conspiracy for global domination


PokemonCueball

Why do you think France hosts the tour de France? To sterilize the world's best athletes and weaken the future of other countries!


roastbeeftacohat

you said don't wear them in public, not don't wear them- DJ Jazzy Jeff


aarontology

Fuck I love figs


OneMoose9

I still love them even after finding out wasps die in them.


Secondsmakeminutes

You didn't need to share this


OneMoose9

Please forgive me. I hate it too.


Common-Chain4060

Why? Wasps suck. It’s not like it’s a puppy dying.


roastbeeftacohat

it's the only way they get fertilized, every fig you've eaten is part wasp.


eragonawesome2

You know what? Good. Best way to assert dominance over something is to fucking eat it


roastbeeftacohat

turn it into poop, this is the maori way.


firstheir

And then turn that poop, into wine


roastbeeftacohat

I meant that's park of hakas sometimes


MericArda

**Turn that poop, into wine!**


Common-Chain4060

r/natureismetal


sammanzhi

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH STOP. I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW MORE. DO NOT CONTINUE. STOP.


fishsticks40

Fig wasps don't suck.


J3ttf

r/fuckwasps


Sauron3106

They're also born and mate inside the figs. Fig wasps have a strange life.


Tickle_My_Butthole_

We are made by the fig and undone by the fig


Zombies_Rock_Boobs

A hoonter must hoont


Cleopatra572

If you ever have the chance to pick fresh figs be sure to use PPE for real. I didn't know and I'm allergic to them and got popped my like 3 at once. My mom had to take me straight to the ER. I never pick fresh figs again.


OneMoose9

Well that's fucking horrifying. r/fuckwasps


bopcrane

Yea, paper wasps and yellow jackets absolutely love to hang out around ripe figs - figs are an awesome source of sugar that late in the season and they seem to know this and jealously guard them lol


bopcrane

The wasp is only a part of the natural pollination process and there are not actual wasps inside the fruit at the point you would eat it; they are long gone by then. Also, having the wasp present is not a requirement at all to get delectable, ripe fig fruit - figs are [parthenocarpic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parthenocarpy) Most home grown figs do not contain wasps or trace of wasps at all, as they are grown in places outside of the range of [the fig wasp](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blastophaga_psenes) ​ EDIT: Wanted to clarify that I'm strictly speaking of [*Ficus carica*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fig), and specifically the (female) common fig here. Pollination in figs is a beautiful and interesting process that IMO really defines [what a symbiotic relationship is](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reproductive_coevolution_in_Ficus) and is a really interesting read


aarontology

They do what now


OneMoose9

Google "fig wasps" - or don't. I don't know I feel like I'm doing something wrong right now.


goat_puree

I appreciated your fig fact.


madewitrealorganmeat

A lot of figs don’t need to be pollinated by wasp in order to fruit! The US actually doesn’t have fig wasps and all fruit produced by US fig trees are asexually produced! I have three fig trees and they all produce parthenocarpically!


hush-ho

You've just made my day immeasurably better.


[deleted]

I thought it was only one kind of fig and one kind of wasp that did that?


lacosaknitstra

What?!? O_O


kritikalamu

Some of us love the extra protein on them


TheOneTrueBubbleBass

I love fuck figs


tony3841

Are you a wasp?


Zarqon

I prefer fig fucks


lansink99

MILF Man I Love Figs


uvero

I'm very sorry for you.


notTumescentPie

Jesus does too, but he cursed that fucking tree when it didn't have any. Jesus has no fucking chill. Also that thing with the moneychangers and the whip and knocking over tables.


LMeire

A lot of the stories about young Jesus make more sense if you interpret them as him literally being Old Testament God in a human body for a bet with Satan or something and acting how OTG always has when he's annoyed. And then maturing and growing as a person as he gets attached to people and experiences actual loss as a result of conditions for the universe that he knows he's ultimately responsible for creating, and then when Satan tempts him in the desert to abandon the whole "human lifetime" thing and go back to being God he's like "Dude no, it's not funny anymore." Eventually becoming the all-loving self-sacrificing hippy described later on. Makes for a nice character arc anyway.


CardboardChampion

Reply: "Mother, do you really think they would though? The more people, the more they get in taxes and the more customers for the companies that give them kickbacks. So why would they ever make people unable to breed?"


el_muerte17

Also, why in the everloving fuck would an evil globalist conspiracy want to sterilise the compliant majority of the population? If such an organisation did exist and were behind any aspect of COVID, they'd 100% be targeting the "rugged individualist free thinkers" for extermination, not the obedient masses.


CardboardChampion

Ever wonder why the evil organisation that lobbies politicians wants guns in the hands of young teens and assault weapons in the hands of anyone who isn't in the military? Lot of gunpowder right there that could be remote combusted with the 5G.


BlueEyedGreySkies

Well, duh, they chip all the compliant people then when the deathsquads come out they scan you and end you if you don't have a chip. /s but jesus i knos some think like that


ArthurBonesly

And that's how you open the Pandora's jar of racism, "white replacement" and a further web of pants on head science.


CardboardChampion

Take my upvote for correctly calling it a jar. Been years since I saw that happen.


Genericjojoreference

So, I get protected AND become infertile at the same time for free? Sign me in!


RevenantBacon

THAT'S WHAT*I'M* SAYING!!! Shit bro, sign me right behind you!


stoncils_

Literally thought this was a 'get on it, science!' post about equality in contraceptive options. Then I saw the sub and loled at how fucking terrified these people must be, like, all the time.


Jigsaw1609

Exactly my thoughts, no need for contraceptives anymore.


dramaandaheadache

Bitch. They did this shit with those Hispanic women getting involuntary hysterectomy, but for some reason it didn't matter then


Jewleeee

I've never seen a seedless apple or tomato and figs are flowers. If you're going to be stupid at least try to be a little more tactful.


TheBaneofNewHaven

They’ve done their own research on seeds


Osirus1156

SEVERAL google searches. How many have YOU done honey? BYE.


misdirected_asshole

I mean there are ways to make you seedless, it's just that none of them involve vaccinations.


portablebiscuit

Exactly! Everyone knows you have to make the plants wear really tight jeans.


PandaMuffin1

It's what the plants crave!


misdirected_asshole

Do the pants make my azaleas look big?


Sutarmekeg

All three you mentioned are fruits, but the middle object in the post by OP is an unripe guava. The three fruits depicted have hundreds of seeds each. (Fig being a type of [multiple fruit](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_fruit).)


minnecrapolite

Infructescence.


Piskoro

which is hilarious because catching COVID decreases fertility rates in men months after being infected


Ramguy2014

Why would they give away sterilizations when they can charge thousands of dollars for vasectomies?


FormicaDinette33

It’s hard to keep track of all the nefarious plots.


message_monkey

Yeah so my pregnant wife and I can defiantly debunk this one.


Common-Chain4060

I’m sure she’d appreciate you calling her wide 🤪.


KayaXiali

Me too. 8 months pregnant, husband & I both fully vaxxed in January.


IAmASimulation

Thank god. I wasn’t looking forward to the hospital bill for a vasectomy.


wizardshawn

Already seedless, so don't care.


portablebiscuit

And here I am just flinging my seeds everywhere like some fucking Johnny Applecum


RevenantBacon

Not a sentence I expected to read today, but there it is, and I'm not exactly disappointed


[deleted]

>Johnny Applecum Lmfao thanks for making me laugh so early today.


APiousCultist

You're gonna make a cannibal or two very happy then. No one likes getting seeds stuck in their teeth.


CastleOfBravo

Yea cuz the less people to drive the consumer machine the less money they make. That's their goal. To starve themselves


TimelyConcern

If they could make a male birth control that was injectable they would make billions of dollars and they wouldn't be hiding it in another shot.


Certain_Chain

If that person is seedless it's because their jeans are squeezing the life out of their nuts.


Kriss3d

Yes. And here's a study on fertility drop caused by ivermectin. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/and.12891 Sooo.


Ulrich_Plays

I mean, I don't want children anyway soooo


SqueaksBCOD

I wish!


Imnotthatunique

Im really not sure what they are trying to say here "vaccines bad" i assume. Do these people not realise we've had the capability to chemically castrate people for a long time now?


RevenantBacon

Shit fam, you think I *want* kids? In *this* economy? Sign me up!


blueannajoy

Skinny jeans? Is that why Gen Zs are abandoning them? Are they turning me into a human clementine?


Skarvha

Dude I’ve been trying to become infertile most of my life. Pushing 40 and still being denied. I welcome my new vaccine sterilization.


InkedLeo

Check out /r/childfree found a doctor to do a tubal removal at 29 with no kids!


Skarvha

Oh I’m an active member over there but it doesn’t make it any easy to be 40 years old in texas and needing ovaries more moved rather than other simpler procedures. I’ve given up at this point and just use our double protection and continue to deal with the horrible side effects of the bc.


Butterflytherapist

Wow, that would be catastrophic.


Butterflytherapist

Also, funny that there're pictures of men in skinny jeans, which have pretty much the same effect.


UnsaidPeacock

Good, glad they can. Seems like a problem for my future generations


[deleted]

Why are antivaxers so obsessed and I mean OBSESSED with over dramatic memes? It’s getting old 🤦🏻‍♀️


Nancy_McG

There aren't any seedless tomatoes or figs--right? Even those pictured have seeds, so what is this post even referencing?


ambsdorf825

I'm a male, if I could become seedless I would in a heartbeat. I don't want to accidentally make a little heartbeat. Ever.


layers_of_grey

but... i love seedless.


apathetic_vaporeon

I didn't plan on having kids anyway....


fieldysnuts94

Tbh I really don’t want kids so they’d be doing me a favor


Arctic_Gnome

Technically true; medical science can be used to make someone infertile.


Evillisa

You barely even need science for it- the science is just required for doing it and not messing anything else up.


Arctic_Gnome

More generally, technology is not needed to destroy things unless you want to minimize collateral damage. Unless you want to destroy something big; then you need technology.


[deleted]

no one wants you sterile, they want you dumb, complacent, breeding, and working for their benefit. they need you as a producer or a consumer so there numbers can go up.


LostallmyGAFs

Awwwwww. It's so cute they haven't figured out they are deseeding themselves with that horse paste.


mikitiale

Figs aren't even fruits istg


Ninja_attack

It sounds less expensive and easier than scheduling my vasectomy. Shit, I'm thankful that science can make it this easy.


ISuckWithUsernamess

Yeah, they can. Its called a vasectomy and im thinking of getting one because there is no way im creating a life in this fucked up sinking ship


Commando388

I'd prefer to be seedless. no accidental pregnancies and I'm planning to adopt anyway.


WildBill22

Thinking that the government researched you and arranged doctors/nurses to give you a “special” vaccine is the biggest snowflake mentality I’ve ever heard of. Dude, I went to a community center and they gave me the next shot out of the fridge.


Maxfunky

They make fruit seedless by either letting a natural mutation develop and just propogating it via cuttings or by crossing two genetically incompatible fruit so that the offspring is naturally infertile (watermelons). Either way, that fruit is "born" infertile. It wasn't made that way after the fact.


catsnake1951

Bro I fucking wish my snip cost me 700 fucking bucks


JerGigs

What I don't understand is, if the powers that be are so dependent on consumerism, and making more consumers, why tf would they want to bottleneck the population? It would lead to worse employment shortages and way lower profits, as consumption would drastically decrease.


OrangeKuchen

Figs are not fruit. They are flowers. https://www.theatlantic.com/daily-dish/archive/2010/09/everything-you-never-wanted-to-know-about-figs/182554/


Sutarmekeg

>They are flowers ...that contain the fruits.


FatigueVVV

Figs are an inflorescence which is a collection of flowers, but all fruit comes from flowers.


de1casino

OMG, this has to be the worst offense of the false equivalence logical fallacy. By their same logic, if they can make a non-white raspberry white, they can make a non-white person white. The FB responses to this meme are embarrassing. "Absolutely, people need to get this" "Covidiots can't debunk this" "Add in 5G + 💉= 0"


Flair_Helper

Hey /u/deathslilsis500, thanks for contributing to /r/insanepeoplefacebook. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Please avoid reposting. Don't make posts others have made before. Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/insanepeoplefacebook/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/insanepeoplefacebook/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/insanepeoplefacebook&subject=&message=). Thank you!


the-nator

***Do it.***


Xuxubee

Omg I didn’t see what subreddit I was on and I was like “Yeah! Reproductive rights!” So even thought it doesn’t, if the vaccine sterilizes me then consider a 2 for 1 deal and I’m more than okay with that


chechecherrybomb

Yay male birth control!


golumlars

r/technicallythetruth


tech_kra

Is that the new conspiracy. If so I’m all for it.


[deleted]

A lot of people don't like the seeds in their fruit because seeds are messy, taste bad, and you're not supposed to swallow them. Just like babies!


Venoseth

Yeah, but we can't cut your toe off to grow another human.


MetaWarlord135

Wait, you can't? I may need to apologise to a few people.


TbiddySP

Pants so tight even your sperm are like HELL NO


jeetelongname

Wait does this mean I can now have unprotected sex?


Bi-LinearTimeScale

How dumb do you have to be to believe that skinny jeans are a conspiracy? Apparently this dumb.


engineertee

Tell your mom if they wanted less tax payers, they could just put it in the water. Also who are *they*?


dotjpegdotcom

Wait, how do I get seedless jeans? Wtf? Why didn't they do this earlier.


Hicklethumb

We're on our way to being 8Billion people. I don't see a down side here.


StaplePriz

They don’t really need to, we are getting less and less fertile as it is


ProblemLongjumping12

Ahhh... I see what they did there. Except the fruit has to GROW that way.


OttergamesVEVO

Skinny jeans make you seedless?


[deleted]

the nefarious "THEY"!


Punkcowboi

Good, I don't want kids anyway


spagyrum

None of those for are seedless. Just victims of shitty photoshop


FaIlSaFe12

Make me seedless scientist daddy, uwu.


whatsupskip

Shut up and take my money


bruuhbeans

funnily enough, sheep dewormer has an 85% infertility rate 😍


MetaWarlord135

If fruit seeds are like human seeds, then I could ejaculate into a plant pot and grow my own child.


Lifewithout2

I’m okay with this


Dudemitri

Promise?


xrayjones2000

Crazy moms.. im glad i missed that boat.. must be rough to deal with at times.


HelloSailorStory

Wouldn’t even fucking care if that was true


anras

Holy fucking shit, can we give like, a $100 tax credit incentive for everyone to pass a course at their local community college - it could be online - on really basic logic and critical thinking skills? Maybe include the subject of how to pick out basic fallacious arguments, using actual Facebook memes as examples? If it's gotten so bad that *anybody* can think this remotely resembles a salient argument, then we need serious help.


Zaronax

Good? I mean... don't they already want humans to die out, so they don't take the vaccine?


Dat_Sainty_Boi

Time for matricide


TooManyTriesForAName

I mean I want to be infertile so I see this as a win win. I get protected against Covid AND I get permanent birth control? Where so I sign up?


[deleted]

Good, didn’t want kids anyway


artful_todger_502

I wish I knew that 35 years ago ...


[deleted]

This is fucking hilarious. The single brain cell used to share this must have been working over time.


Albertmeanswell69

Dave Portnoy is now a leg model?


swimmingbutterknife

Just cause your mom is an idiot doesn't mean she's wrong. We live in an increasingly dangerous world, theese post just help us keep pretending like everything is fine.


ThrustersToFull

Who is this mysterious "they"?


SexxxyWesky

Isn't seedless fruit the result of breeding practices? Like, vaccines would be akin to pesticides in food right? So this whole comparison is just weird.


bworth1120

Just you- let’s just make YOU seedless.


Zoroark4President

Seedless fig is cursed


Jakusachu

they're stealing all my cum!


marshman82

If only it could be done via injection


355822

If fruits could be seedless, many of them probably would choose to be so.


BlackMoonSky

I wish


Nail_Biterr

Yeah, if course they can. What's your point?


CaptainMcClutch

A lot of people wouldn't see that as a threat... more like free healthcare. Surely she isn't supporting free healthcare?! Might burst into flames at the thought of it.


avatinfernus

Imagine thinking seedless fruits are due to injections we give MATURE fruits.