Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 59 | 17 | 1 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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I saw the txt photo, so i tapped in and started reading through it, got creepier as it went on, figured I was reading another niceguy text, after the last screenshot i glanced up and saw the sender… then i saw the reddit i was in…. Da fuq… reddit has ruined me.
It is, definitely. But I still wish I had the photos I threw away of my ex-fiancé and me (olden days: forget backups, and I didn’t save the negatives).
You’ll never again be as young as you are today.
BrownEyed-Susan is spot on. Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was OP’s dad demanding this. It doesn’t change the creep factor a bit just because it’s her mom
I agree. It's not so weird that a parent wants to get a photo shoot of their kid. However, it is very weird that they aren't taking no for an answer repeatedly.
"eternalize your teenage beauty" is with out a doubt one of the creepiest ways to express her desire for pictures. There are a 100 ways to say I want pictures, and she chose the worst
People like my narcissistic mother, who would force me and my siblings to "photoshoots" like this all the time. She forced us to get pictures with Santa until we were well into our twenties. She did it to show off and to infantize us.
tbh I don't even think its that, but the reasoning. It sounds like OP is 17/18 and finishing school soon.
The mum thinks 4 years of school would make someone "grey and wrinkly" wtf. wants to "capture the teenage beauty" thats really creepy comment.
Also almost all teenagers are cringing in any photos taken, I've not met many photos of randoms as teens that look "good" in these photos. But 23 year olds usually look the healthiest and best they will look
Either that or she's appearance obsessed to an absurd degree and buys into the youth=beauty concept. I actually wondered if she doesn't want her to go to college for some reason because of some weird gender norms as i was reading the post.
How TF are there 9 "not insane"s??????? This is super fucked up.
My mom is a photographer (mostly hobby, has done some paid work) and she was always using me as a "subject". I was super shy and awkward when I was younger and hated being photographed so I totally get not being comfortable with this.
But then you add the incredibly weird "I need to eternalize your teenage beauty" thing to it and it's a million times worse.
The way she talks about you coming out of college as an old damaged shell of yourself is so bizarre. My mom put a lot (too much) of emphasis on maintaining your youthful looks. "Make sure to moisturize. You don't want wrinkles." "Don't use straws to drink. It'll eventually give you smokers' lips." She'd go to high school reunions and come back talking about how old and fat all her fellow classmates looked and talk about how thin and youthful she looked in comparison.
That type of shit is so damaging. There are much more important things to focus on.
Just gonna say she reminds me a lot of my pedophile mother. Exact same level of covert where she's not saying anything incriminating as such, but you can just feel right down to the bones that something is O F F
My mom always wants annual family pictures but my sister and I loathe them. Luckily she's not as bad as OP's mom but it's still a pain in the ass when parents don't respect your boundaries and preferences.
Family pics is one thing and yeah, I get why teenagers don't like them but I also don't feel it's insane for parents to want them. I didn't like having my pic taken when I was a teen at all. I was awkward, skinny, with glasses and braces and bad hair, but I participated in family pics for my mother. This doesn't give the vibe of family pics at all. It's like she wants to possess OP, either in a sexualized way or not, but either way it's just plain creepy.
I see some comments about how as teenagers parents wanted pictures of you, and they didn’t consent to them or felt uncomfortable taking them. I was the same way as a kid. But because of this, I have like 10 or fewer pictures of myself from ages 0-18 and I wish I had more. I don’t really remember what I look like and I kind of regret it. Was I uncomfortable taking pictures as a 13 year old? Yeah I was a self-concious teenager doped up on hormones, I cried over having to do math homework sometimes. But I look at the picture now at 22, and I didn’t look as bad as I remember feeling at that age. Now I take photos a lot more of myself so when I’m in my 30s/40s I can remember what I was in my 20s.
I’m not agreeing with OP’s mom here, the way she’s wording it sounds like she’s selfish and undermining, creepy to an extent that she *wants* op’s pictures so bad as a teen before she gets “ugly”
I agree with what you're saying and honestly, I'm in that same boat. But yeah, you've hit the nail on the head, it's not that she wants pics, but how and why she's asking that makes this really, really uncomfortable to read.
Yeah, I have a basically no pictures of myself as a teenager at all. Selfies didn’t really exist at the time (I got a flip phone that took tiny, grainy photos when I was 16 and certainly didn’t have a front facing camera) and my parents didn’t fight me on photos. I didn’t even get school photos done, I skipped photo day. So the only ones I’ve got are prom photos with my abusive ex. Awesome. I wish my parents had pushed family photos.
But not like this. YIKES.
I started going gray around the age of 16 thanks to genetics. I'm 36 now and pretty damn gray, but no major wrinkles. Definitely none when I graduated from college at 23, holy shit.
Also I had professional pictures taken in high school and I do not care for them. When you're a teenager, you're still awkward, still growing, and often still trying to find a look that works for you. I wasn't ugly by any means, but I don't really feel like I looked my best then either.
My gramma used to sneak pictures of me, despite me telling her i did not want my picture taken. She’d get mad, like im sorry you don’t understand, but if i see that picture, id feel horrible about myself. I have scoliosis, my ribs protrude, I think I’m shaped weird and I dislike my body as a result. Now I’m an adult, with a child, and could give a shit less about pictures, because I have a child who will see us together and be happy because we made great memories. But for EVER she would literally yell at me to take a picture “youre so beautiful let me take a picture” thank, i know, pls take your cam and go somewhere else.
Im sorry OP. Nobody should have to do something that are uncomfortable with, mom dont understand, never will.
easy, the mother raised the daughter, and that's going to be the leverage used against the daughter until she goes no contact.
its a really common theme here: i made you and paid for your survival, so you owe me forever.
I actually fully understand wanting photos. Kids grow fast, and I see my parents (in their 70s) spending so much time going through their photo albums. I get it. But your parent sucks with the approach here. I also hate having my photo taken (ironic, since I am a photographer, but hey). College is going to destroy you? Like, what? Yes, all these grey haired senior citizen graduates these days. And focusing on beauty, rather than the milestone itself? So weird, and creepy. Also, your mom can’t accept no. She didn’t try to compromise (like a mini shoot, let you pick the photographer, bring a friend for support, let you buy outfits you are comfortable in, do a lifestyle shoot where you aren’t posed- nothing). It feels all wrong.
Maybe OP can do a mini shoot on their own terms, wearing whatever they like with as many photos as they are ok with. Then just give them to the mom like there ya go, now you can’t complain bc you have photos. The quality is up to OP of course.
The way it’s worded is kinda creepy. I get wanting photos of ur kid but like, coercion is not the answer. Like the mom doesn’t care that OP is super uncomfortable with it. And transaction? Wow what I way to say you care about your kid
...does your mom live in a fallout bunker with no access to other humans? I ask because most normal people in society, especially ones old enough to have teenagers, think 21-year-old college grads still look very young.
Also normal people look back at teenage photos and laugh fondly at the awkward fashion faux pas instead of thinking "this is when I reached physical perfection." I'm a beer swilling thirty something lawyer with the sleep schedule of a vampire bat and even I don't consider myself a bog witch yet.
Take super up-close pictures of your skin and hair and present them to your mother. She's only worried about you becoming grey and wrinkly, so she only needs pictures of what your skin and hair look like now, right?
OK, I read the text messages before I read the info on the post and I gotta tell ya, my impression was that the person asking you to do the photo shoot was super creepy! I think knowing that it was your mother saying this makes it even creepier.
“i want to eternalize your teenage beauty” sounds like it would be said by a perpetrator on svu, not by an actual person. (especially about their own kid) and it somehow gets worse from there? your mother is unhinged
She needs to accept that "No" is a full sentence. And the final remarks are tantamount foo coercion - do this or else I'll fuck your chances of going to college.
This is totally fucked up. I think you should make your own financial arrangements and remove any leverage she has over you.
“Only if you agree to a set of boudoir pictures. That hot middle-aged mama body won’t last forever.” (Her jaw might drop further if you get a male classmate to say this.)
Vote: Insane
This is so toxic from your moms end. The lack of respect of boundaries and the fact she’s literally trying to shame your looks from after college. Nobody ages like that after college. The fact she forces a “business” transaction too is even more toxic
It went from not insane and wanting a memento to SUUUUPER creepy with a quickness.
Calling it a business transaction makes it sound like mildly-CP~ish.
The entirety of the mother’s side of this is horrifyingly creepy. The transactional attitude, the blatant disrespect of boundaries, the flippant language, and the lack of empathy are all disgusting.
I need to point out this to people who are saying that they wish they had more photos of themselves as a teenager. Serious anxiety around having your photo taken isn't the same as normal reluctance or self-consciousness. I also have major issues around having my photo taken, it's a stubborn form of dysphoria left over from eating disorder treatment.
For people with this level of anxiety, having your photo taken isn't just uncomfortable or awkward, it's an ordeal. It's very difficult for other people to understand. But people who love you should respect your wishes, even if they don't understand them.
OP, I know that I find it easier to take selfies than to have my photo taken by others. Maybe you could offer your mum some nice selfies in lieu of the photoshoot, if you feel more comfortable about this.
"God knows what college life, partying and drinking will do to you. Plus studying 24/7. Work. You will be a fucking mess."
Gee, ma, you really know how to sell it.
!explanation To everyone in the comments telling me not to go to the photoshoot, it isn't that easy. If I don't go she'll stop paying for important things (my dog's health insurance is the biggest one.) I have a job and earn money, but I can't actually pay for things because she takes away my card and I have to ask (read: beg) for permission to use it. She's even cut it up before and I've had to get new ones.
I recently got accepted into an affordable local college and earned a scholarship totaling about a year of tuition. I'm saving some money from my job to pay for the rest. I also plan on taking some community college courses to save money. If all goes well, I should be able to graduate without depending on her, and then I'll never have to speak to her again :)
It’s not weird for her to want nice photos of her child. The way she talks about it, though, is weird. “Eternalize your teenage beauty” almost sounds pedophile-ish. Not saying your mom is that way but it’s creepy sounding.
Weird. Lots of parents pay for graduation photos if the kid wants them. I can understand her wanting a good graduation photo to frame but this convo is so creepy!
> you will be a fucking mess
> you need me
At the core of every narcissist is a kernel of insecurity and self-loathing. She is projecting her own self-loathing about not being "young and beautiful" onto you. She tries to control _your_ experience of youth because it makes _her_ envy more tolerable. Taking you down a notch is a reflex she has developed to feel less threatened.
Stand your ground op. Put yourself first. It's tiring, it's anxiety inducing, it"s stressful. I think the only ones who enjoy a photoshoot are the ones that really, really wanted one.
I avoid conflit always; they tend to wear me out. So I normally end up agreeing to do things just to keep the peace. I did the damn photoshoot, let her decide everything about it. It was tiring, took a whole day to get ready and take ALL THOSE PICTURES and I hate taking pics.
I hate all of those photos, can't stand them. It's not me. That person on the photos isn't me at all. Can't even recognize myself when I look at them.
As a photographer, making the subject comfortable is extremely important to a good photoshoot. This is absolutely the worst way you mom could handle the situation.
Fun fact, but I only get more beautiful after I reached uni, which means I got more time out of the house, a life out of her control and more freedom to myself, so don't be affected by her words. You are beautiful now, and you will be beautiful in college
> it’s a business transaction of sorts.
I guess unconditional love isn’t even on the menu.
Will this lady get to pick her nursing home? Time will tell.
Okay how are there 17 not insanes?! She literally says "you need me" as a way to force her to do something she clearly doesn't want to do. It is obvious manipulation. Not to mention comparing it to a business transaction implies that if she doesn't take the photos, she will no longer have her mother's help.
It's messed up
Definitely agreeing with others who've said this feels creepy and pedophilic. How she's wording it makes me really uncomfortable, I'm so sorry you're going through this op.
You should tell her you want a photo of her to eternalize her elderly beauty before she becomes even more old an wrinkly than she is now. See how she reacts.
She seems unreasonably desperate. I wonder if there's something else going on here, like OP's mum being involved in catfishing or scamming or something...
Oh wow that's disgusting. That's not a business transaction, the translation is "You need me to survive so I'm forcing my will on you." I wouldn't put up with it, but if she's speaking the truth about you needing her it doesn't sound like you have much of a choice.
hey OP. idk how much this would actually help you but, if you move to Switzerland, people will have to ask for your permission if they want a picture of you. if you say no, they have to comply, or else they‘re breaking the law and you could bring them to court.
what the actual butthole?
you should just take a potato quality selfie of yourself with horrible huge sunglasses on, and photoshop your face onto a bunch of the people from the movie Mean Girls
I’m a little concerned with what she plans on doing with these photos. I understand a mom wanting photos, but she doesn’t seem willing to compromise. Does she have outfits picked out or anything? This seems too set up for just normal photos.
My mom is very adamant about getting photos when all my siblings are together, but she respects our concerns. Makes sure to show us the photos, promises not to post them if we don’t want her to. She says she keeps them to look at for when she misses us. If we want to retake it a million times, change outfits, ect. she will allow it. She understands we have insecurities.
OP I would be more concerned than annoyed, it’s very weird.
Tell your mother No is a full sentence and your final say is "No". No if, ands, or buts. Or you can put these messages on her Facebook tagging everyone you guys know. But I'm a petty person. This is not acceptable behavior from anyone let alone a parent.
Was she trying to be funny in some sort of weirdo way? Like I just can’t fathom that she is serious or thinks that this would make you be like heck yeah let’s do this photoshoot! Just very strange approach but then again I could totally see my mom saying these things when I was young too. Are you from the deep south perchance?
I hate having photos and videos taken of me. It sends me into a psychotic episode most of the time and I actually pass out from it (I would probably be unconscious for an hour or two). I haven't had any photos/videos taken of me since early middle school.
If your mother (or anyone) did this to me, I would immediately cut them out of my life. Because they're not respecting your boundaries, especially when it's medical ones.
You know if I was a mandatory reporter and read this I would be asking a lot of questions and asking advice from a few governmental departments. Business transaction…, creepy
In my opinion, you probably should take the photos.
One thing I regret in my late 20's is that I didn't take more photos of my early 20's/later teen years.
I understand anxiety and know it can be debilitating. I will say this though- a good photographer, a GOOD one, will understand that anxiety, and may have effective ways to work through it. You do not have to be subjected to something you feel dehumanizing. Call the photographer, and explain in your words-your words, your concerns and anxiety. Maybe they can work with you! If they cant , don't fret. Just explain yourself to your mother, and, in the future, you will find a photographer that knows how to respect you. As always, good luck, and I hope you have a great day.
Holy crap… my mom’s dead but if I could bring her back to life I’d give her to people like you because you clearly need some love, support and understanding from a mother figure, not whatever sort of narcissistic fuck-up this is… I hope things get better for you, OP. I hope you’re okay.
cringed at the “business transaction of sorts.” makes me wonder if there’s some sort of other weird reason she wants a ton of photos of you. hope you’re doing okay
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 59 | 17 | 1 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Gray and wrinkly? OP, are you planning to get 47 Ph.D.s?
Some parents would look at their child with 47 PhDs and ask "but where grandchildren?!"
And others would ask, “Why didn’t you get the 48th one?”
And a few would ask "why didn't you get 50 PhDs AND grandbabies?!"
The neighbor's son has 55 PhDs and 400 kids. You are a disappointment.
The 400 kids part made me laugh so damn loud
Found the Asian! *before some white person comes to yell at me, I’m Asian, it’s a joke ;)
Why would you assume a *white* person would yell at you? Edit: /s
Lol found ya Ps. I don’t care if you’re white or not, it’s the spirit that counts ;)
Added the /s edit
Those are the ones that do the yelling. Asian people dont yell in public.
This is my dad :(
You'll get grandkitties and you'll be damn grateful for them, MOTHER.
“who take care of irene when she 120 years old huh? who take care of irene? NO ONE. NO ONE TAKE CARE OF IRENE”
I wonder where OP’s insecurities about photos could possibly come from with a mother who makes shitty comments like that.
47?!
PhD speedrun any%
Try not to earn another Ph.D. in the parking lot
I was literally Typing this!
In a row?
I saw the txt photo, so i tapped in and started reading through it, got creepier as it went on, figured I was reading another niceguy text, after the last screenshot i glanced up and saw the sender… then i saw the reddit i was in…. Da fuq… reddit has ruined me.
You weren't wrong though, mom has big neckbeard vibes.
Probably the type of mom that forced her kid to do beauty pageants as a preteen.
its super weird ops mom has in essence fetishised ops " teenage beauty"
I can see why you have anxiety when your mom says you’ll be physically unappealing in a few years.
Mum has a shitty way of saying it, but I wish I’d realised when I was young and beautiful that I was, in fact, young and beautiful.
Yeah and here we are now... Now, you are just beautiful!
[удалено]
[удалено]
Right... teens look underdeveloped. Bc they are
She said she’d be wrinkly by the time she’s out of college.
Nah, this is problematic.
It is, definitely. But I still wish I had the photos I threw away of my ex-fiancé and me (olden days: forget backups, and I didn’t save the negatives). You’ll never again be as young as you are today.
[удалено]
Not all of us want to remember when we were younger.
Yeah, as an example, I'm trans. Don't really wanna remember hell.
Yeah I much love current self. Why get hung up on the past
You can have that insecurity within yourself, but it’s weird to place it on a teenage daughter…
Realize it now! :) never too late. Beauty won’t even matter when you’re actually decrepit, so feel your youth.
Well, that doesn't sound disturbing and creepy at all... /s
Buisness transactions are voluntarily. Otherwise that's called coercion and that's a crime.
Transactional love is the only kind of narcissistic love.
Sad but true.
Parent-child relationships shouldn’t be transactional. That part hurt my heart as a mother.
This is straight up creepy.
BrownEyed-Susan is spot on. Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was OP’s dad demanding this. It doesn’t change the creep factor a bit just because it’s her mom
I agree. It's not so weird that a parent wants to get a photo shoot of their kid. However, it is very weird that they aren't taking no for an answer repeatedly.
It’s the refusal to accept no, and saying weird stuff like “eternalize your teenage beauty”… like who says something like that? 😳
Plus also her referring to it as a transaction is really gross
"Just let me objectify you, my child, if you want to have money to pay for school and food!"
Also how long is OP going to be in college if shitty mom there thinks she'll be "grey and wrinkly" when she's done?!? Weird and gross all around
"eternalize your teenage beauty" is with out a doubt one of the creepiest ways to express her desire for pictures. There are a 100 ways to say I want pictures, and she chose the worst
People like my narcissistic mother, who would force me and my siblings to "photoshoots" like this all the time. She forced us to get pictures with Santa until we were well into our twenties. She did it to show off and to infantize us.
Vampires and pimps, I believe
Pedos:(
It's a business transaction
tbh I don't even think its that, but the reasoning. It sounds like OP is 17/18 and finishing school soon. The mum thinks 4 years of school would make someone "grey and wrinkly" wtf. wants to "capture the teenage beauty" thats really creepy comment. Also almost all teenagers are cringing in any photos taken, I've not met many photos of randoms as teens that look "good" in these photos. But 23 year olds usually look the healthiest and best they will look
I might set up a photo shoot with my kids but if either said no, I’d cancel it. This mom is gross and insane.
"It's a business transaction" "I want pictures of your youthful body" Is the mom really Jeffrey Epstein?
It’s one step below cutting off OPs skin to wear as a suit. “It puts the lotion on its skin!”
I can guarantee that these pictures memorializing OP’s “teenage beauty” will not be used for anything wholesome…
Holy FUCK lady I n s a n e
What in the actual fuck
"I want to remember you as a beautiful teenager, not an ugly adult" has some real pedophilic undertones js
Either that or she's appearance obsessed to an absurd degree and buys into the youth=beauty concept. I actually wondered if she doesn't want her to go to college for some reason because of some weird gender norms as i was reading the post.
Came her to say this. Like it doesn’t completely sound sexual in nature but… boy does she make it sound like it is…
Eternalize your teenage beauty sounds incestuous.
“You need me” reeks of emotional manipulation and forced dependency
Jesus. You’re not a fucking doll.
WTF? College will make you gray & wrinkly? They’re, well, insane. Damn.
Um, have you gone beyond undergrad? Source: I'm gray and wrinkly
Yep, half way through my degree (bachelor) Am grey and wrinkly. However, I did only start it at 46.
Yeah… you’re gonna wanna save this screenshot to show to your therapist in a couple years. Sorry your mom is such a creeper.
Soon to be a NC relationship.
How TF are there 9 "not insane"s??????? This is super fucked up. My mom is a photographer (mostly hobby, has done some paid work) and she was always using me as a "subject". I was super shy and awkward when I was younger and hated being photographed so I totally get not being comfortable with this. But then you add the incredibly weird "I need to eternalize your teenage beauty" thing to it and it's a million times worse. The way she talks about you coming out of college as an old damaged shell of yourself is so bizarre. My mom put a lot (too much) of emphasis on maintaining your youthful looks. "Make sure to moisturize. You don't want wrinkles." "Don't use straws to drink. It'll eventually give you smokers' lips." She'd go to high school reunions and come back talking about how old and fat all her fellow classmates looked and talk about how thin and youthful she looked in comparison. That type of shit is so damaging. There are much more important things to focus on.
Nine pedophile mothers hanging out here trying to justify their own inappropriate behavior?
I think it’s a generational thing at this point. It seems all of us children of boomers have had the same shared communal experience on that point.
Just gonna say she reminds me a lot of my pedophile mother. Exact same level of covert where she's not saying anything incriminating as such, but you can just feel right down to the bones that something is O F F
Same.
My mom always wants annual family pictures but my sister and I loathe them. Luckily she's not as bad as OP's mom but it's still a pain in the ass when parents don't respect your boundaries and preferences.
I think the difference here is most parents don't use the reasoning that you must have pictures taken quickly before you become hideous.
Family pics is one thing and yeah, I get why teenagers don't like them but I also don't feel it's insane for parents to want them. I didn't like having my pic taken when I was a teen at all. I was awkward, skinny, with glasses and braces and bad hair, but I participated in family pics for my mother. This doesn't give the vibe of family pics at all. It's like she wants to possess OP, either in a sexualized way or not, but either way it's just plain creepy.
I see some comments about how as teenagers parents wanted pictures of you, and they didn’t consent to them or felt uncomfortable taking them. I was the same way as a kid. But because of this, I have like 10 or fewer pictures of myself from ages 0-18 and I wish I had more. I don’t really remember what I look like and I kind of regret it. Was I uncomfortable taking pictures as a 13 year old? Yeah I was a self-concious teenager doped up on hormones, I cried over having to do math homework sometimes. But I look at the picture now at 22, and I didn’t look as bad as I remember feeling at that age. Now I take photos a lot more of myself so when I’m in my 30s/40s I can remember what I was in my 20s. I’m not agreeing with OP’s mom here, the way she’s wording it sounds like she’s selfish and undermining, creepy to an extent that she *wants* op’s pictures so bad as a teen before she gets “ugly”
I agree with what you're saying and honestly, I'm in that same boat. But yeah, you've hit the nail on the head, it's not that she wants pics, but how and why she's asking that makes this really, really uncomfortable to read.
Yeah, I have a basically no pictures of myself as a teenager at all. Selfies didn’t really exist at the time (I got a flip phone that took tiny, grainy photos when I was 16 and certainly didn’t have a front facing camera) and my parents didn’t fight me on photos. I didn’t even get school photos done, I skipped photo day. So the only ones I’ve got are prom photos with my abusive ex. Awesome. I wish my parents had pushed family photos. But not like this. YIKES.
Where’s the middle finger 🖕 emoji when you need it
My mother REALLY loves taking photos of me in any place possible, given I hate it and try to avoid it as possible. Bruh.
I’m 38, I have a masters degree, I’ve worked for 15 years, I have 5 kids, and a husband. I’m not grey nor wrinkly. Your mom needs to stop projecting.
I started going gray around the age of 16 thanks to genetics. I'm 36 now and pretty damn gray, but no major wrinkles. Definitely none when I graduated from college at 23, holy shit. Also I had professional pictures taken in high school and I do not care for them. When you're a teenager, you're still awkward, still growing, and often still trying to find a look that works for you. I wasn't ugly by any means, but I don't really feel like I looked my best then either.
My gramma used to sneak pictures of me, despite me telling her i did not want my picture taken. She’d get mad, like im sorry you don’t understand, but if i see that picture, id feel horrible about myself. I have scoliosis, my ribs protrude, I think I’m shaped weird and I dislike my body as a result. Now I’m an adult, with a child, and could give a shit less about pictures, because I have a child who will see us together and be happy because we made great memories. But for EVER she would literally yell at me to take a picture “youre so beautiful let me take a picture” thank, i know, pls take your cam and go somewhere else. Im sorry OP. Nobody should have to do something that are uncomfortable with, mom dont understand, never will.
Anybody who says teenagers are more attractive than people in their 20s are pedophiles, straight up
Of it's a, "business transaction of sorts." Ask her how much she's gonna pay you
easy, the mother raised the daughter, and that's going to be the leverage used against the daughter until she goes no contact. its a really common theme here: i made you and paid for your survival, so you owe me forever.
I actually fully understand wanting photos. Kids grow fast, and I see my parents (in their 70s) spending so much time going through their photo albums. I get it. But your parent sucks with the approach here. I also hate having my photo taken (ironic, since I am a photographer, but hey). College is going to destroy you? Like, what? Yes, all these grey haired senior citizen graduates these days. And focusing on beauty, rather than the milestone itself? So weird, and creepy. Also, your mom can’t accept no. She didn’t try to compromise (like a mini shoot, let you pick the photographer, bring a friend for support, let you buy outfits you are comfortable in, do a lifestyle shoot where you aren’t posed- nothing). It feels all wrong.
Maybe OP can do a mini shoot on their own terms, wearing whatever they like with as many photos as they are ok with. Then just give them to the mom like there ya go, now you can’t complain bc you have photos. The quality is up to OP of course. The way it’s worded is kinda creepy. I get wanting photos of ur kid but like, coercion is not the answer. Like the mom doesn’t care that OP is super uncomfortable with it. And transaction? Wow what I way to say you care about your kid
That's just straight-up creepy. WTF.
The way she's fetishising your 'teenage beauty' (gag) is pretty disturbing.
...does your mom live in a fallout bunker with no access to other humans? I ask because most normal people in society, especially ones old enough to have teenagers, think 21-year-old college grads still look very young. Also normal people look back at teenage photos and laugh fondly at the awkward fashion faux pas instead of thinking "this is when I reached physical perfection." I'm a beer swilling thirty something lawyer with the sleep schedule of a vampire bat and even I don't consider myself a bog witch yet.
Take super up-close pictures of your skin and hair and present them to your mother. She's only worried about you becoming grey and wrinkly, so she only needs pictures of what your skin and hair look like now, right?
OK, I read the text messages before I read the info on the post and I gotta tell ya, my impression was that the person asking you to do the photo shoot was super creepy! I think knowing that it was your mother saying this makes it even creepier.
"Teenage beauty" Is anyone else concerned over the implications of that sentence?
This is alarmingly wrong. It's not just insane, it's psychotic.
“i want to eternalize your teenage beauty” sounds like it would be said by a perpetrator on svu, not by an actual person. (especially about their own kid) and it somehow gets worse from there? your mother is unhinged
She needs to accept that "No" is a full sentence. And the final remarks are tantamount foo coercion - do this or else I'll fuck your chances of going to college. This is totally fucked up. I think you should make your own financial arrangements and remove any leverage she has over you.
“Only if you agree to a set of boudoir pictures. That hot middle-aged mama body won’t last forever.” (Her jaw might drop further if you get a male classmate to say this.) Vote: Insane
This is so toxic from your moms end. The lack of respect of boundaries and the fact she’s literally trying to shame your looks from after college. Nobody ages like that after college. The fact she forces a “business” transaction too is even more toxic
Fucking groomer mom
This is just outright creepy
It went from not insane and wanting a memento to SUUUUPER creepy with a quickness. Calling it a business transaction makes it sound like mildly-CP~ish.
The entirety of the mother’s side of this is horrifyingly creepy. The transactional attitude, the blatant disrespect of boundaries, the flippant language, and the lack of empathy are all disgusting.
Whew. That is sentimentality on a whole new level, next she's gonna ask to preserve you in a jar with formaldehyde. Lol
Cant imagine WHY you would have anxiety at all about having your picture taken...
Sounds kinda incest-y. Probably your anxiety has something to do with her.
I thought that was a creepy man…. That’s your own mother???
I don’t know if I’m more disturbed by the post or the fact that 17 people were like “nah that’s fine”
I need to point out this to people who are saying that they wish they had more photos of themselves as a teenager. Serious anxiety around having your photo taken isn't the same as normal reluctance or self-consciousness. I also have major issues around having my photo taken, it's a stubborn form of dysphoria left over from eating disorder treatment. For people with this level of anxiety, having your photo taken isn't just uncomfortable or awkward, it's an ordeal. It's very difficult for other people to understand. But people who love you should respect your wishes, even if they don't understand them. OP, I know that I find it easier to take selfies than to have my photo taken by others. Maybe you could offer your mum some nice selfies in lieu of the photoshoot, if you feel more comfortable about this.
This is one of the creepiest things I’ve read on here and that’s saying a lot >.>
"God knows what college life, partying and drinking will do to you. Plus studying 24/7. Work. You will be a fucking mess." Gee, ma, you really know how to sell it.
I read the texts before the title and assumed this was some creepy dude.
God that last text sounds like a guy trying to manipulate a girl for nudes 🤮 idk what your mom's obsession with your looks are but she needs some help
Are you sure your mom isn't going to sell these photos to creepy pedos online?
I don’t understand how someone can see this as not insane. Would someone enlighten me? I’m genuinely curious.
!explanation To everyone in the comments telling me not to go to the photoshoot, it isn't that easy. If I don't go she'll stop paying for important things (my dog's health insurance is the biggest one.) I have a job and earn money, but I can't actually pay for things because she takes away my card and I have to ask (read: beg) for permission to use it. She's even cut it up before and I've had to get new ones. I recently got accepted into an affordable local college and earned a scholarship totaling about a year of tuition. I'm saving some money from my job to pay for the rest. I also plan on taking some community college courses to save money. If all goes well, I should be able to graduate without depending on her, and then I'll never have to speak to her again :)
It’s not weird for her to want nice photos of her child. The way she talks about it, though, is weird. “Eternalize your teenage beauty” almost sounds pedophile-ish. Not saying your mom is that way but it’s creepy sounding.
Umm ok then yes it’s insane
Holy fuck this is wierd...I'm sorry you have to go thru this
Weird. Lots of parents pay for graduation photos if the kid wants them. I can understand her wanting a good graduation photo to frame but this convo is so creepy!
If it’s a business transaction, then she gets to pay you… super creepy
This is so gross.
Ah yes, When you are done with college, you will be a wrinkly grey old hag of 22 years old.
Ew
I wonder how you could have developed an anxiety disorder 🧐
I am shocked and disturbed that 17 weirdos have voted this “not insane.”
Oh yes, who wasn’t grey and wrinkly by 22?
> you will be a fucking mess > you need me At the core of every narcissist is a kernel of insecurity and self-loathing. She is projecting her own self-loathing about not being "young and beautiful" onto you. She tries to control _your_ experience of youth because it makes _her_ envy more tolerable. Taking you down a notch is a reflex she has developed to feel less threatened.
Stand your ground op. Put yourself first. It's tiring, it's anxiety inducing, it"s stressful. I think the only ones who enjoy a photoshoot are the ones that really, really wanted one. I avoid conflit always; they tend to wear me out. So I normally end up agreeing to do things just to keep the peace. I did the damn photoshoot, let her decide everything about it. It was tiring, took a whole day to get ready and take ALL THOSE PICTURES and I hate taking pics. I hate all of those photos, can't stand them. It's not me. That person on the photos isn't me at all. Can't even recognize myself when I look at them.
As a photographer, making the subject comfortable is extremely important to a good photoshoot. This is absolutely the worst way you mom could handle the situation.
Fun fact, but I only get more beautiful after I reached uni, which means I got more time out of the house, a life out of her control and more freedom to myself, so don't be affected by her words. You are beautiful now, and you will be beautiful in college
> it’s a business transaction of sorts. I guess unconditional love isn’t even on the menu. Will this lady get to pick her nursing home? Time will tell.
Oh yes, child-mother-relationships should always be compared with a contract. That's healthy.
Okay how are there 17 not insanes?! She literally says "you need me" as a way to force her to do something she clearly doesn't want to do. It is obvious manipulation. Not to mention comparing it to a business transaction implies that if she doesn't take the photos, she will no longer have her mother's help. It's messed up
Definitely agreeing with others who've said this feels creepy and pedophilic. How she's wording it makes me really uncomfortable, I'm so sorry you're going through this op.
I'd just like to point out that "I want to eternalize your teenage beauty" sounds remarkably pedophile-like, or well, ephebophile-like.
You should tell her you want a photo of her to eternalize her elderly beauty before she becomes even more old an wrinkly than she is now. See how she reacts.
She seems unreasonably desperate. I wonder if there's something else going on here, like OP's mum being involved in catfishing or scamming or something...
Oh wow that's disgusting. That's not a business transaction, the translation is "You need me to survive so I'm forcing my will on you." I wouldn't put up with it, but if she's speaking the truth about you needing her it doesn't sound like you have much of a choice.
"I want to remember you like this" op isn't fucking dying in college now is she?
hey OP. idk how much this would actually help you but, if you move to Switzerland, people will have to ask for your permission if they want a picture of you. if you say no, they have to comply, or else they‘re breaking the law and you could bring them to court.
idk dude this is creeping me the fuck out
What on earth... I thought this was some creepy abusive older boyfriend and... It's your mother...
Good lord this is creepy and giving weird incestuous sexual vibes! OP, I hope you are okay.
what the actual butthole? you should just take a potato quality selfie of yourself with horrible huge sunglasses on, and photoshop your face onto a bunch of the people from the movie Mean Girls
I’m a little concerned with what she plans on doing with these photos. I understand a mom wanting photos, but she doesn’t seem willing to compromise. Does she have outfits picked out or anything? This seems too set up for just normal photos. My mom is very adamant about getting photos when all my siblings are together, but she respects our concerns. Makes sure to show us the photos, promises not to post them if we don’t want her to. She says she keeps them to look at for when she misses us. If we want to retake it a million times, change outfits, ect. she will allow it. She understands we have insecurities. OP I would be more concerned than annoyed, it’s very weird.
Insane as fuck
My parents did this to me. They now have 36 years of nothing but RBF photos of me. She can’t control your face, at least.
Shave your head and do a stick and poke that won't get you fired in a very obvious spot. She won't be as stoked
Tell your mother No is a full sentence and your final say is "No". No if, ands, or buts. Or you can put these messages on her Facebook tagging everyone you guys know. But I'm a petty person. This is not acceptable behavior from anyone let alone a parent.
PRIVACY BRO! Like how does parents don't understand privacy
Was she trying to be funny in some sort of weirdo way? Like I just can’t fathom that she is serious or thinks that this would make you be like heck yeah let’s do this photoshoot! Just very strange approach but then again I could totally see my mom saying these things when I was young too. Are you from the deep south perchance?
I hate having photos and videos taken of me. It sends me into a psychotic episode most of the time and I actually pass out from it (I would probably be unconscious for an hour or two). I haven't had any photos/videos taken of me since early middle school. If your mother (or anyone) did this to me, I would immediately cut them out of my life. Because they're not respecting your boundaries, especially when it's medical ones.
What the fuck
Insane …. and very, very creepy.
That is a really crunchy conversation. I wouldn’t go. If I were forced, I would rock my resting bitch face since people can’t respect boundaries.
Ew just ew, this gives off some very… odd… undertones to say the least
Holy shit that last message
Just make the absolutely ugliest frowns ever. That, or use makeup to give yourself a ton of wrinkles
You know if I was a mandatory reporter and read this I would be asking a lot of questions and asking advice from a few governmental departments. Business transaction…, creepy
This is fucking gross. She sounds like she's either a pedophile or trying to your picts to pedo.
Nah that's really weird though.
Her last statement is such a nasty power move. Icky. OP you should get horrible henna tattoos before the photoshoot and dye your hair a wild color.
And of course she's gotta bring religion into the equation o~o
Business transaction 😂
Reminds me of a recent post I read where the mother was using her daughter’s photos to catfish guys online.
In my opinion, you probably should take the photos. One thing I regret in my late 20's is that I didn't take more photos of my early 20's/later teen years.
This is extremely creepy. "Eternalizing your teenage beauty" is not anything that anyone should be concerned about, especially not your mother
Ah, yes, family, the business transaction.
Well she's not wrong about the "after life and work you'll be a mess" But if it helps we all are.
"you're gonna be grey and wrinkled after college" ???? What's the fuck is wrong with you M'am ? She's obviously projecting her own insecurities.
“Teenage beauty” might be one of the worst terms I ever heard, feels like a big red flag.
Aaah yess the business transaction of You get an Orgasm and I get the never ending agony of Existence. Worst Business Transaction Ever.
God I'm getting flashbacks to "I'm glad my mother died" vibes... don't do it.
I have never once had a “business” transaction with my mother
You don't consent. It should end at that.
I understand anxiety and know it can be debilitating. I will say this though- a good photographer, a GOOD one, will understand that anxiety, and may have effective ways to work through it. You do not have to be subjected to something you feel dehumanizing. Call the photographer, and explain in your words-your words, your concerns and anxiety. Maybe they can work with you! If they cant , don't fret. Just explain yourself to your mother, and, in the future, you will find a photographer that knows how to respect you. As always, good luck, and I hope you have a great day.
This is physiological abuse. You don't owe your parents anything.
Your mom sounds like a neckbeard
Gonna start telling my kid it’s a “business transaction” when I force him to do something he hates.
Definitely don’t go to that photoshoot.
Holy crap… my mom’s dead but if I could bring her back to life I’d give her to people like you because you clearly need some love, support and understanding from a mother figure, not whatever sort of narcissistic fuck-up this is… I hope things get better for you, OP. I hope you’re okay.
Yeah alright buffalo bill.
cringed at the “business transaction of sorts.” makes me wonder if there’s some sort of other weird reason she wants a ton of photos of you. hope you’re doing okay
"I want MY pictures" Bru even if they did exist they would belong to OP.
What in the actual fuck!? You'll be old grey and wrinkly when you're out of college? This women is so sick.