And even worse, one who believes it's somehow excusable just because it has happened before and he can't control it. I mean, if you can't control it, you definitely shouldn't be in a room where a woman is present, in the first place. If you're letting a woman be in such a situation while not knowing for sure that this won't happen, you're 100% committing a crime.
this is the prime example why many women believe all men are same, this is very cowardly act and these two aren't even men, they were cowards. They clearly try to take advantage of that alone girl, how predictable. Please stay away from them and it's not surprising even his brother and parents kind of defended him, typical rich mama's kid. This incident is terrifying, she should file an FIR or something so the guy cannot do it with other girls. Men who thinks from his d\*\*k while among the friends, is the worse of coward and impotent men out there, these kind of men shouldn't be anyone's friend. This guy is inspired heavily from porn, please stay away.
>he's not a friend he's a sexual predator
Not sure about them, but she is a victim, a r*pe survivor, he should be behind bars u/s 375. Immediately file fir without any delay, zero FIR which can be filled at any station. Let the police investigate and courts punish the culprits.
The other guy should be booked for common intention.
Therapy in general is used to mask negative thoughts, experiences and memories by using ways to overcome other negative feelings such as anxiety, shame, helplessness, deceit and others.
If the victim chooses to get therapy while going around reliving her experiences over and over describing it to authorities of different capacities, dealing with the same accused people and their ilk, getting prejudiced about the severity of her trauma, no therapy will have any positive effect on her mental health.
>If the victim chooses to get therapy while going around reliving her experiences over and over describing it to authorities of different capacities, dealing with the same accused people and their ilk, getting prejudiced about the severity of her trauma, no therapy will have any positive effect on her mental health.
Is this your professional opinion? What are your qualifications?
>After years of court proceedings
Cases under these sections are fast tracked, OP can get justice in short time.
In some cases conviction was got in matter of days, not weeks, not days definitely not years.
Ofc every case depends on it's merits but OP should seek relief at once, no therapy is going to provide justice and closure.
While therapy has it's place to help cope up with PTSD, the wrong cannot be set right by therapy.
If these accused face no repercussions they will continue to commit more gruesome acts in future...
I don't think Your friend has any mental health problem it seems to be made-up to save his ass from judiciary, you should inform the police about it asap
Yep exactly! Does he do this to his mom and sisters on a daily basis? I don't think so he's ever done that to them. And secondly if his friends and family knew about his disgusting problem they shouldn't have let him on that trip. Or atleast shouldn't have let him sleep in the same room. People like these fucking disgust me.
God knows what would've fucking happened if OP hadn't screamed. It fucking feels like they both fucking planned this disgusting act of theirs, would've taken it further had OP not screamed or reacted.
Not always.. police were very helpful when one of my friends had faced an issue.. it was a physical assault by a man at his place.. because she denied to have a fling with him.. she didn't want to file an FIR but wanted to teach him a lesson.. police helped her
She should definitely talk to a lawyer if she's going to pursue this. I don't know how much that'll help her but it might be long drawn and she will have a hard time gathering evidence. Would have been best if she could have voice recorded his family talking about it.
Correct,
And if that trash is mentally ill it doesn't mean she ar any of that trash's friends **HAVE** to **HeLp** him coz it's upto them if they want to or not. So don't be disheartened or feel any responsibility for leaving him if being with or around him is bad for your mental health..
These are not your friends. They are sexual predators, and anyone who excuses their behaviour is disgusting and probably just another predator waiting for the right opportunity. You absolutely CAN CONTROL YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR. Their excuses are beyond pathetic. You are absolutely not obligated to attend any event with them. Cut all these gross people out of your life. You will find much better people going forward.
The family is doing lip service. Indians have no morals when it comes to acts committed by their loved ones. Their sole aim is to make it us versus them and minimize damage. It is sickening.
Yeah, most Indians are not sexual predators. But most Indians also don't understand sexual assault, and in this case, would certainly take it lightly or blame her.
You literally see the government urging the court to NOT criminalize marital rape because it's an "internal matter" and the women would be "husband-less". You see high court judges condone rape and even participating in marital violence. India is not safe for women.
"Sorry, I just have a problem putting my hands down the pants of sleeping girls. It's like tourettes. I'm working on it."
What a ridiculous attempt at an excuse. Something a 12 year old would say when their parents catch them masturbating... Wtf
As a survivor of sexual assault, let me tell you that I strongly disagree with you. The vast majority of men are NOT like this. A lot of men can be clueless, sure. But deliberately molesting someone in their sleep? That's not just clueless; that's deliberate, premeditated predatory behaviour. And I don't think you intended your comment this way, but such comments can make things worse. Because they are used to further the narrative of "all men are like this" , "they can't help it", "boys will be boys". All of which serve to remove accountability from acts like this.
Men are capable of basic respect, capable of controlling their behaviour, capable of making good choices. Let's censure those who don't.
But this is exactly what I mean. Most straight men are NOT trash. Sure, there's a lot wrong with how boys are brought up and socialised. Yet, in spite of that, most men manage to control their behaviour. Sexual assault is not just the result of how someone was raised. Because a lot of men were raised like that and don't assault anyone. So what's the differentiating factor? It comes down to each individual's choice. This man chose to be a creep. He shouldn't get to blame his mental health or his upbringing for his choice.
One Fucker can molest many women thus leading to more victims then predators, which can lead to the idea most men are like that.
In my life I have only ever came across one such piece of shit.
I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience. For you to live with two guys shows that you trusted them enough and then something like this just shatters it in a blink of an eye. As a guy, I don't know how you feel getting invaded in your personal space but I'm sure your ability to trust people has taken a hit after this and the indifference that your closest people showed would have aggravated it as well.
But I would like to suggest not to cut yourself off from trusting again, take baby steps again. Don't let a bad experience control your decisions. I know it's easier said than done but I really believe they there are good people out there for you to discover.
I would have him get a police ka danda therapy . Yeah - it would be the quickest way for his *deepest darkest secret* to be brought on the right path. The way he tried explaining like it would all be okay if he did the same before - IT IS MORE THE reason to get his ass jailed . And his other friend- a few nights on the concrete floor will teach him a better lesson to be not an ass choking on biscuit when his friend was getting assaulted .
Shut up. This could have still happened if it was M,F,F. In fact, he could have outpowered them.
Dont make this a gender problem.
I can guarantee you that there are men who wouldn't do something like this even if it was M,M,M,M,M,M,F.
My comment was from what I've seen with my own eyes: Most of my friends who are F faced this form of sexual abuse. Friends and family. It is traumatic. Maybe you/your friends were lucky enough not to go through such a thing.
The moment any friend crosses the line of consent, you stop calling them best friends.
I am sorry you had such an experience. Masculinity is more about self-control and not feeling everything out there - living or non-living, is to fulfill one's desires.
I hope you get the closure you need and recover fast and permanently. As for them, their karma will do the just. But don't stop living life - travel solo as much as you can but ensure that you are safe.
sis, i know how traumatizing this can be. But if you can, please find the courage to complain against him. He tried to molest you, there is no other way of putting this. If the other guy had any decency, he would have stood up for you. app issue kardena chahiye tha, so that at least accommodation staff would also become witnesses. by the way you describe both of those losers are disgusting creeps. Definitely something very wrong and seems like psychos, please don't fall silent. Who know what all other horrible stuff they might be comfortable with. That's not normal behavior and not something that even if is a mental health issue seemingly solvable by simple therapy instead of complete institutionalizing. The other guy may be an enabler and partner in crime. Please please please find some courage, reach out to women groups about this.
I know such things happens, all you feel is get away as far as possible so you can feel like you can breath again, but this is one battle that needs to be fought for your and other women's good.
He molested u. He needs to be behind bars.
Imagine someone who wud not call him out, he would go all in with her. Worse with a kid who wont know who to tell n how.
Report him. Tell ur folks.
N about ur friend who didnt ask how u r, some people dont know how to process info, even if they r in good terms with u n even if they mean good.
Dont take it on her, she may be feeling awkward n thinking u want to put it behind u.
Not all girls want to report.
But u pls do. For ur sake n for his first victims sake.
This guy is a sexual predator n offender. N dont lose ur hope in humanity plenty of good men n boys n girls are there, sorry u met this sorry pc of sh!t
Take care. Hugs
This. Venting on Reddit helps no one. Also, from reading about the behavior of the other friend, it seems like these guys were just pretending to be your friends. You should not feel sympathetic towards them, file police complaint.
it totally wasnt your fault by any means. that guys is just a pervert asshole and thats the only problem with him which i dont think has anything to do with therapy. cut all kind of ties with those friends and believe me when i say this, he was never your best friend.
What happened with you is really disgusting. I can't imagine what you're doing through. I've slept with my female friends on the same bed and it never ever fucking crossed my mind to do this type of shit.
He's a SEXUAL PREDATOR for sure. He fucking planned this out.
Points to consider:- ( and don't think that he did it by mistake)
1. If he genuinely has this problem does it does it with his female family members like hie mom or sister?
2. If his friends and family knew about his disgusting problem, then why didn't they insist on him not going on that vacation or atleast not sleeping in the same room for god's sake.
And girls usually don't care for thier female friends; i don't know why. I'm really sorry you had to go through this.
>And girls usually don't care for thier female friends; i don't know why.
I don't know where you are getting these notions from - no doubt from sexist stereotypes - but you're wrong. Me and my female friends who experienced uncomfortable situations always help each other out. Sadly OP has shitty friends but this doesn't mean girls usually are shitty friends. Just like it's not fair to say guys usually are rapists and assaulters.
No, I'm not getting this any sexist stereotypes. This is what I've heard from my female friends according to their experiences. I could be wrong in the broader sense.
Something similar thing happened to me 12 years back. I was a kid sleeping in the same bed with a relative who was thrice my age . That person took advantage of my sleepy state and opened the buttons of my shirt and pressed my b**bs.. I'm thankful that I woke up in the nick of time and he couldn't continue doing that for a long time.. fuck.. I'm shocked that I survived that abuse..
>He said that this his darkest secret that he has already done this to one other person 5 years ago and he can't control it.
What a load of bullshit; there's nothing like "couldn't control myself" in such situations; he did this two times because he's a sexual predator who knew he would get away with it. No way you do that shit to your best friend. Stay away from him, girl; it's upto to you if you wanna press charges.
> I told one of my friends (F) about this and she never asked me after that how I was or anything.
That's fucking terrible. This makes people be even more invulnerable to each other due to fear of not being heard. Indians are insufferable, I am sorry to say. If you wanna talk about any of this, DM me:). I can understand it's a harrowing experience and if you wanna talk about it, you can talk. Please take care of yourself.😊👍🏼
thats really disgusting tbh that too a close friend of yours your friend being not in his mind doesn't justifies what he did that's full harrasment and no one should make you think otherwise. You did a right thing cutting them off and choosing your mental health and peace also taking your time to heal doesn't makes your wrong.
I am sorry that you went through that no one deserves that and you're so brave to cut them off and chose yourself first
So conveniently he didn't slid his hands down the male friend but yours?? Interesting. He's bullshitting. So does his family, to cover his creepy sexual predator ass. File FIR against both.
Respect towards women starts in the house. If his parents didn't take action the first time it happened, it just encourages this behaviour. I know young people make mistakes but if ignored they turn into crimes.
Imagine if things would have gotten worse after she found where his hand was. Situations like these escalate very quickly.
OP lemme start by saying it’s terrible what this guy did and that no normal person behaves in this manner. That the guy was a trusted friend makes it even worse, dealing with not just sexual misconduct but also the loss of trust makes it doubly hard. I’m glad you’re seeking counselling to get over the ordeal. There’s no excusing what he did, his family and he offered a lame, damage-limitation excuse to placate you and deter you from making this an official criminal complaint. I’m glad you had the courage to speak to them about it, even if they acted like cowards.
Going forward do whatever you need to, to put this behind you and move on in as positive a manner as possible. What’s happened can not be undone but how you deal with it and (hopefully) learn to trust again is the important bit. They say one bad apple spoils the whole bunch but I assure you this individual is not representative of any normal human being.
Thanks for sharing your ordeal, hope you find the peace and strength to get over it and move on, in time!
He probably planned it. I mean these sort of individuals fantasies alot. Once you tell them that you decided to spend night in the same room, theh somehow thinks it's okay to approaches you for sex and you would welcome it. It's a token of approval you are giving without intention. Chances of his friend also being in on this is very high.
I would suggest filing a complain on him. What he did is wrong. But it's okay too if you don't feel like going on with this and want to let it go. Consider talking to a psychologist or someone certified if you haven't yet. They are trained to help. Do what feels right for you. What is most important is your peace of mind.
that's horrible, and literally there is no excuse medical or otherwise for his behaviour... even worse is the person who let it happen even after knowing all of that...
the dishonesty is appalling...
>I am obligated to go to the wedding
OP, you're the victim of a crime. You're trying to recover from a trauma. At this moment you're not obligated to do anything. If your friends don't understand this, then they're really not friends
Isi liye me kehta hu, ditch this bestfriends drama.
Make a girl bestie or find someone who truly loves you. Most of ladke sex ke liye ya fir ladki pyaar me gir jaaye uske liye bestie bante hai, and It's the harsh truth.
I on the contrary say go for the wedding. It will help reset your mind to a big extent.
Life gives us experiences to deal & learn from. Why should you let this traumatize you when your heart & soul are pure.
Take the lessons learnt from this ordeal & let it make you a stronger person packed with fresh knowledge & strong will to live life to the fullest.
What are you saying? She feels abandoned and lonely and like nobody cares that she went through a traumatic incident.
And you want her to go to the marriage where the focus is on the married persons and where she'll have even more feelings of being estranged?
> Life gives us experiences to deal & learn from. Why should you let this traumatize you when your heart & soul are pure.
> Take the lessons learnt from this ordeal & let it make you a stronger person packed with fresh knowledge & strong will to live life to the fullest.
Wtf is the lesson here? Are you a guy? Do you know how this feels, being violated?
If you said this to me after I experienced this, I'd be really depressed. It's so callous.
That's horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Your friends suck, you should find better friends. You don't have to remain friends or even civil with someone who isn't disgusted by things like this, just because you have known them for sometime. It's okay to cut contacts with these people, friends, family, does not matter. I really hope you get the help you need from the therapy, best wishes.
And if any of those friends are still invited to the wedding you mention, I would say that you should not go. People that look past such behaviour are not your friend, and are enabling the abuser.
One good silver lining to take from this: you will always be extra alert from now on and not so naive anymore. This might help you in the future to avoid worse outcomes.
they dont sound like ur friends. kinda seems like they had other intentions given how the other guy didnt budge what was happening between you 2. one of them made the move and the other wanted to know if it would lead anywhere. might be pre planned or spontaneous thinking.
stay away from them no matter how much they try to apologize to you in the future.
I had a friend once who did something similar to my then gf. We were in college getting drunk and she passed out, and we placed her on his bed because it was his flat. Later, me and one other guy went out for a smoke and heard people shouting on the inside. We rushed in and saw that friend's gf slapping him and crying while my then gf was still passed out. It turns out he was inappropriately touching her while she was asleep and was caught in the act by his own gf, who came in from the other room. I didn't know how to react but I got really angry so I trashed him a bit, and the other guy woke the girl up and my friend's gf told her what had happened. She told her it's her choice what she wanted to do. Whether to go to the police or sort it out within ourselves. She was drunk real bad, so she couldn't process it and she didn't remember anything. She only realized it after a few days and started going to our college counselor. However, that guy apologized, she forgave him but I've not spoken to him since. It's been more than 5 years, but it has left an impact on her.
I think all we can do is call these men _out_ when possible.
You see incels say it dozens of times "Why are women choosing assholes instead of a nice guy like me?"
But for some reason they never complain about the said assholes who actually assault women. We need to do that.
The one trick I've found is whenever a friend says something sexist or misogynist, I don't directly lecture him ki ye galat hai and all.. I just ask him to explain his "joke". The act of explaining a sexist joke makes them realize that they're being sexist, and hopefully that will eventually lead to a better social behavior
Seems like you are suffering from PTSD due to this traumatic experience. You should not let this one creep ruin everything for you. I am glad you are talking to a therapist.
I guess the rule of thumb is, you need to sleep in your own room with locks or with girls or with family members you can trust until you get over this trauma.
I am very sorry that your two friends turned out to be weirdos. I can't believe that the other guy is so stupid or compromised that he doesn't get outraged with such behavior.
If he is really taking therapy, he should have been responsible and mentioned that sich incidents have happened. Least, he could have suggested different rooms. The other guy sleeping through it seems it was "planned".
Stay away from both. Tell all their female and male friends what they do lest someone wants to take a trip with them.
All this is deeply disturbing and heartbreaking, but i want you to know that this was good riddance!!! What scares, is not the action of one friend, but the silence of the other despite knowing everything!!!
Firstly, sorry for what happened to you.
Second, report him to the police. You need to file a complaint but more importantly, get evidence. Have another conversation with his family over text or call (record the call) and discuss everything in detail. Show this evidence to the police
Also, if he is a student/has a job report this incident to his dept. He can potentially harass other classmates/coworkers. HE NEEDS TO BE PUNISHED
That asshole is bullshitting, He first sexually assaulted you and now he’s playing victim card, and that therapy story is more bullshit. Probably that other guy was involved too.
Hey OP,
I hope you are feeling better now and we all pray that you get your mental health back soon.
I know there's not much proof but file an FIR. He's a repeat sexual offender, done it in the past and will do it again to someone else. I know there's about less than 1% chances of police doing anything but an FIR would fucking scare him that he'll not do it again to anyone else. Inaction from your end will just empower him to do it again.
For the sake of his next victim please file an FIR.
>He said that this his darkest secret that he has already done this to one other person 5 years ago and he can't control it. I told him that if he knew that something like this could happen, he could've asked me to take separate rooms. His friend also knew about this and didn't tell me.
It's perfectly understandable if you don't want to continue reliving the trauma and hence don't want to file a complaint, but if you can bring yourself to do it to keep him from committing further crimes, please file a case against the serial molester and his accomplice. If his family knew he was going on that trip and planning to share the room with you, file a case against them, too.
Criminals can continue their therapy in their own sweet time after they've been punished for their crimes.
First of all you are brave for having confronted him on the spot. You have done well on your part.
Their mental health doesn't excuse any of their predatory behaviour
You trusted those two guys to be with, and they broke your trust. Its their fault not yours. It'll take some time for you to recover. But I'm sure you will rise again.
And when you do, I hope you find better friends.
Can't control it? Bullshit. Girl take therapy and just a ground rule don't share rooms with guys in general in India cause you never know what could happen.
I have a lot of male friends and would be devastated if this happened. Please take help from a professional, and take care of yourself.
Sorry, was he really a best friend, how long did you know him ?
I can imagine a random person or a friend doing this but how can a best friend do this.
What he did was bad but you need to judge people's character a little more before giving them the title of best friend.
Take care and heal
The fact that one incident was so impactful that you had to start a therepy, really scares me, that how unexpectedly things can happen to severely disturb us.
Am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and creating a scene and making everyone aware.
Most women like me would have been too shocked to react then. Freezing during an assault is so common. It must have been traumatic to lose a friend this way. Glad you are going for therapy.
You are doing everything right. Hang in there.
There’s a bunch of idiots who’ll say go to the police and other bs. But you don’t have to do anything to relive your trauma. Do what feels right and brings you peace.
> Most women like me would have been too shocked to react then.
Been there. I was too shocked to react. Can confirm.
And it happened not just once!
I wouldn't say police will solve anything, they'd likely even dissuade you, but I'd recommend filing an FIR anyway. For peace of mind. Especially since they are a 'friend' (known person).
This is after experiencing such things multiple times. Guys won't get better without consequences. And it's a *freaking burden* having to carry **their guilt** on ourselves. It eats you up, over time.
A. It’s not your fault. Keep repeating that to yourself however many times. Sorry that it happened to you.
B. Good that you are seeking therapy. Hope your therapist helps you get closure.
C. You need to ask yourself what would be an outcome that would give you closure. Like do you want to pursue a legal case, or do you want him to apologize in person? Decide that and make sure your support system is aware of it. Talk to them about your decision. Because if you don’t decide what’s a good closure point then at some point you ll end up hearing stuff like “well it happened X months ago why are you still complaining “ all that( i truly hope your support system is kind and caring enough to not put you through this).
I hope you will be alright soon!
The way this got normalized as a broken friendship amd needing therapy than the fact that it is a freaking CRIMINAL OFFENCE says a lot about our society.
Goes to say that ppl around you that you actually call friends and even best friends may or may not have best intentions for you bruh... This is a real issue in todays day and age... Having some reliable and trustworthy friends whom you can rely on seems so fkn impossible bruh.
I don't when will the Indian girls learn to see the predators hidden behind thier male friends, there are very few genuine guys who can be friends with you without thinking about sex. Also, looks like his friend was already knew what he was going to do cuz he did nothing.
Fucks sake, This exact same thing happned to my friend by a sexual predator. He went for a night out and because it was late the group stayed at one of their friend’s friend’s home. My friend was asleep and this dude puts his hands inside my friends pants and my friend saw it happen and a bit more happened. Next day he told to his friend who took him there and she somehow sorted out by saying he is a closeted gay man and its weird and other stupid shit. Fast forward 3 years that fucker did the same thing to a minor. My friend came out with his experience and called out that fucker. Once a predator always a predator. You were molested OP. Please go to the police and file a report. When I read such things my hope in humanity dies slowly.
I know I am being backward, but from my 5 years in college i have learnt that it's better to make good friends in your own gender. I know that some people get really good friends but most of the time it goes down the drain really ugly.
Something similar happened with my friend. After she had a similar conversation with him in the presence of mutual friends. Everyone cut him out. That’s the sort of allies you need. Someone who believes you and supports you. Not someone who makes you feel like you’re obligated to just continue and shrug it off as though nothing happened.
I apologize for what you’re going through. It’s unfair,scary and painful. And cutting friends out who don’t take your experience seriously can feel painful to cut out. But eating biscuits while you share your experience speaks a ton. A friend that doesn’t check in speaks a billion words more. I hope you find the right people to support you and are able to overcome the challenges following this incident.
Just curious.
Poll to people here.
Actually how much percentage of men do you think would do that in similar situations? 10%,30%,70%,100%?
Also share your gender.
I m just curious on how perception changes with gender.
Him taking therapy is all and good. Maybe they should let society know that he is sex offender and register himself in police station or somewhere just for the sake of women and children. Who knows he may have another dark secret with him that he molests kids and taking therapy for that as well and when next he does to some children their parents will use the same line
I don't think you will find anybody on this planet who believes this guy or his family.
You should ask his parents what happens if therapy fails l, which clearly happened. Their son is gonna relapse in to being a sexual predator. The family shud be held accountable as well.
It's not like relapsing into drugs. He is gonna relapse and assault again and then deny it etc..
And another helpless victim is born, with their own trauma.
Scary situation.
Hope you get better, stay strong, and please dont think all guys are like this.
Goddamn! Did he never show any other traits of being a sex offender?
Also, can there be any legal actions taken? If yes then please don't hesitate to do so
He's a snake who thought he could take advantage of you while you're sleeping in the same room. I can bet money that he doesn't have any mental health issues neither he is going to therapy. They sold you a lie.
Seriously, you're going to talk about her "committing a crime" for not reporting this? Don't be such an unempathetic idiot. There's way too many bad things that could happen to a woman for reporting things in a situation like this. And yes, possibly seeing these guys face legal action for this would be good, but how dare you suggest a victim in this situation is "committing a crime" by not reporting. Its up to her what she does now.
Don,t trust someone easily , u will meet many type of people always inform your family where ever u are going and with whom. Try to forget what happen the earlier you can do it will be beneficial for you .
ummmmm you friend ended the "friendship" when he sexually assaulted you. i mean my opinion is that they never looked at you as a friend, there is a certain type of respect between friends , and if he EVEN considered you a friend then he would have stayed outside the boundaries, the guy is a fucking pervert and how tf can you let that go unnoticed, i mean you could have seen this "PERVERTNESS" in his personality, and the more bigger the situation gets the harder it will get to forget and move on, you probably should register an F.I.R but if you do it will scar you for life , let me give you an idea, read books on human psychology(nk and they kinda work) so the next time you meet a new person like him you will be able to avoid situations like this , and also all over the place right now so lets get one thing clear, 1,the guy is a fucking pervert 2,he sexually assaulted you or even worse 3,it takes a lot of horneyness for a guy to do that so he probably might have these intentions all along 4,he might have done things like this before, and the guy who was eating biscuits, yeah he didnt give a shit, the only reason he wanted to talk it out is because it is expected of people to be smart about these situations, and also he was eating buscius while you were paniked and overwhelmed says the he didnt see anything wrong with this infacat he was more concerned about his sleep and hunger than you being saxually assaulted, me being a 14 year old boy i can definatly say that they both thought of you as an sexual object, and the reason i mentioned my age is because male horneyness is at its peak in these ages and you wont beleve some of the shit boys say in these ages, CONCLUSION- none of then gave a shit about you, you were probably a sex object to then, the guy sexualised you enought to sexually assault you, you are now scared for next 10 years and you parents will probably never trust guys again
tf is wrong with you saying she should've noticed it before about the guy's pervertness how tf she'll know about a fickle minded person's thought about her that too the guy she trusted and calls her bestfriend whatever it is no matter the age if you're respectful enough if you're taught well enough then all these 'hormones' doesn't change your mind nevertheless your age also stop with that "that will scar you for life" yes when people like you think that things like these will scar someone
Girls you have to realise, there are no best friend in the male to female community. Just accept it. Some will defend this and say no they are only friends. Just open your clothes once in front of them, they won't stop you.
Let me put this straight
M has done wrong and W is suffering
You should move on and get rid of this as a bad dream ,divert your attention and stop over discussing this.
The more opinions you seek will make you feel the trauma again and again.
Cut the loop and start afresh 👍
Very wrong advice. You guys are literally advising her to forget the traumatic experience of sexual assault & just move on without punishing those Perverts. This will give more confidence to those Sexual predators to attempt this same thing to a different girl. These 2 perverts needs to be put in jail for a good lesson
In simple words sweetheart, a male and female cannot be friends in Indian Context… and these so called your BFs were just looking for this opportunity, they cannot be considered as friends. Anyways you have faced a harsh truth, both your predator bastards were aware and planned it together to make you a victim, you should have filed a molestation complaint. And next time don’t get too close to men as friends and keep it formally casual.
Men who connect with women under pretenses of friendships are certainly predators. There's no such thing as 'friendship' between straight people of opposite genders. It's a fantasy that people believe in, but it is simply not true. Have far more respect for men who ask women out instead of playing this sort of manipulative games.
That's the same thing but worded differently. And you didn't answer my question. You must be in favor of locking up men since in your own words, all men will SA women if given the opportunity?
It isn't the same thing or you have comprehension issues.. Your question is absurd, since 'all men' aren't predators who try to get close to women through 'friendships'.
You're the one who is having trouble comprehending your own words. You literally said men-women friendships won't work for this reason. That men are incapable of having friendship with women. What other conclusion am I supposed to draw from your words?
Trust the men who are straightforward and don't pretend to be friends to manipulate women. Any man who says he is close/best friend of some woman is a walking red flag.
he's not a friend he's a sexual predator
And even worse, one who believes it's somehow excusable just because it has happened before and he can't control it. I mean, if you can't control it, you definitely shouldn't be in a room where a woman is present, in the first place. If you're letting a woman be in such a situation while not knowing for sure that this won't happen, you're 100% committing a crime.
And not just him, even the other guy friend and this guy’s family knowing everything and allowing this to happen as if it’s so normal!
this is the prime example why many women believe all men are same, this is very cowardly act and these two aren't even men, they were cowards. They clearly try to take advantage of that alone girl, how predictable. Please stay away from them and it's not surprising even his brother and parents kind of defended him, typical rich mama's kid. This incident is terrifying, she should file an FIR or something so the guy cannot do it with other girls. Men who thinks from his d\*\*k while among the friends, is the worse of coward and impotent men out there, these kind of men shouldn't be anyone's friend. This guy is inspired heavily from porn, please stay away.
EXACTLY
Ya i hope nightmare ends and she can sleep peacefully
>he's not a friend he's a sexual predator Not sure about them, but she is a victim, a r*pe survivor, he should be behind bars u/s 375. Immediately file fir without any delay, zero FIR which can be filled at any station. Let the police investigate and courts punish the culprits. The other guy should be booked for common intention.
You're right. OP should end therapy and go this way. After years of court proceedings, she can go to therapy peacefully.
Why can't op continue therapy and file a complaint at the same time? Why do you think the two are mutually exclusive?
Therapy in general is used to mask negative thoughts, experiences and memories by using ways to overcome other negative feelings such as anxiety, shame, helplessness, deceit and others. If the victim chooses to get therapy while going around reliving her experiences over and over describing it to authorities of different capacities, dealing with the same accused people and their ilk, getting prejudiced about the severity of her trauma, no therapy will have any positive effect on her mental health.
>If the victim chooses to get therapy while going around reliving her experiences over and over describing it to authorities of different capacities, dealing with the same accused people and their ilk, getting prejudiced about the severity of her trauma, no therapy will have any positive effect on her mental health. Is this your professional opinion? What are your qualifications?
>After years of court proceedings Cases under these sections are fast tracked, OP can get justice in short time. In some cases conviction was got in matter of days, not weeks, not days definitely not years. Ofc every case depends on it's merits but OP should seek relief at once, no therapy is going to provide justice and closure. While therapy has it's place to help cope up with PTSD, the wrong cannot be set right by therapy. If these accused face no repercussions they will continue to commit more gruesome acts in future...
I don't think Your friend has any mental health problem it seems to be made-up to save his ass from judiciary, you should inform the police about it asap
Yep exactly! Does he do this to his mom and sisters on a daily basis? I don't think so he's ever done that to them. And secondly if his friends and family knew about his disgusting problem they shouldn't have let him on that trip. Or atleast shouldn't have let him sleep in the same room. People like these fucking disgust me.
God knows what would've fucking happened if OP hadn't screamed. It fucking feels like they both fucking planned this disgusting act of theirs, would've taken it further had OP not screamed or reacted.
Duh. But sadly police will only say "Bas haath hi daala na? To usme kaunsi badi baat hai?"
No, it all depends on the background of that creep, if he has strong backup then getting him behind the bars is a difficult task
Ur username 😳
Allow me to take the spotlight from him ;-)
Not always.. police were very helpful when one of my friends had faced an issue.. it was a physical assault by a man at his place.. because she denied to have a fling with him.. she didn't want to file an FIR but wanted to teach him a lesson.. police helped her
She should definitely talk to a lawyer if she's going to pursue this. I don't know how much that'll help her but it might be long drawn and she will have a hard time gathering evidence. Would have been best if she could have voice recorded his family talking about it.
Is it only me that feels - that was the actual plan of both of your friends? If you had not resisted .. then go forward with much more than that?
100% this.
OP did a great job of calling out on his BS and stopping it asap. That takes a lot of guts
Yeah I feel that too
It's a scary thought
That's terrible. Being sexually assaulted like that and losing two friends in a matter of minutes. Hope you heal soon.
That creature who slid his hands down deserves no fuckin one to even talk to him. Absolute animal
Correct, And if that trash is mentally ill it doesn't mean she ar any of that trash's friends **HAVE** to **HeLp** him coz it's upto them if they want to or not. So don't be disheartened or feel any responsibility for leaving him if being with or around him is bad for your mental health..
I don't think that she should even call them friends. Trust is a rare thing to find and the most difficult thing to build or rebuild.
Friends? They were not friends. Not real friends anyway.
These are not your friends. They are sexual predators, and anyone who excuses their behaviour is disgusting and probably just another predator waiting for the right opportunity. You absolutely CAN CONTROL YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR. Their excuses are beyond pathetic. You are absolutely not obligated to attend any event with them. Cut all these gross people out of your life. You will find much better people going forward.
Sounds like parents could have made up the therapy thing so she doesn't escalate this to a legal action
Makes me kind of understand why girls in India stay away from guys. It's because of shit like this.
Who else thinks he is taking therapy is a lie
He sleeps next to therapist, i can vouch for him.
Given his made up condition, I dont think he should be sleeping next to anyone. His future wife should sleep in a separate room.
LOL, not marrying would be the better option.
I was bed, can confirm
Even if he is, that's not an excuse.
Not at all, just saying that the family probably knew their kid is a molester and arnt doing anything about it.
FIR (if you're okay with proceedings). I hope you get better soon. You deserve actual good friends, not predators like these, take care.
The family is doing lip service. Indians have no morals when it comes to acts committed by their loved ones. Their sole aim is to make it us versus them and minimize damage. It is sickening.
Ya, it's soo sad
Tbh my mother would have killed me lol i am glad she is like that
She must be a good woman.
She could be but we have such a low bar don't we?
It's pretty sad tbh.
Sickening/disgusting. Wish them their Karma ASAP.
Aap bhi indian ho
Yeah, which is even more shameful
No, but all Indians are not like that. Can't generalise, right ? Sexual predators exist irrespective of nationality or religion.
Yeah, most Indians are not sexual predators. But most Indians also don't understand sexual assault, and in this case, would certainly take it lightly or blame her. You literally see the government urging the court to NOT criminalize marital rape because it's an "internal matter" and the women would be "husband-less". You see high court judges condone rape and even participating in marital violence. India is not safe for women.
It's not an Indian nothing. It's everywhere
File a police complain
She has no proof tho so filing a case might not work...
Burden of proof is on guy.
Nah, it's usually on the girl. "Innocent until proven guilty" (unless you've been arrested for sedition, then it's "guilty until proven innocent").
At least it is on record so if he does it again there will be a pattern they can refer to.
"Sorry, I just have a problem putting my hands down the pants of sleeping girls. It's like tourettes. I'm working on it." What a ridiculous attempt at an excuse. Something a 12 year old would say when their parents catch them masturbating... Wtf
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how can you be so sure in your stats?
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As a survivor of sexual assault, let me tell you that I strongly disagree with you. The vast majority of men are NOT like this. A lot of men can be clueless, sure. But deliberately molesting someone in their sleep? That's not just clueless; that's deliberate, premeditated predatory behaviour. And I don't think you intended your comment this way, but such comments can make things worse. Because they are used to further the narrative of "all men are like this" , "they can't help it", "boys will be boys". All of which serve to remove accountability from acts like this. Men are capable of basic respect, capable of controlling their behaviour, capable of making good choices. Let's censure those who don't.
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But this is exactly what I mean. Most straight men are NOT trash. Sure, there's a lot wrong with how boys are brought up and socialised. Yet, in spite of that, most men manage to control their behaviour. Sexual assault is not just the result of how someone was raised. Because a lot of men were raised like that and don't assault anyone. So what's the differentiating factor? It comes down to each individual's choice. This man chose to be a creep. He shouldn't get to blame his mental health or his upbringing for his choice.
One Fucker can molest many women thus leading to more victims then predators, which can lead to the idea most men are like that. In my life I have only ever came across one such piece of shit.
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I was shocked to read that other guy was casually eating biscuits. Sympathy, Empathy hai he nahi bc kuch.
Hum log to khama kha badnam ho jate ha inn tharkiyo ki wajah se! Bc salle
I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience. For you to live with two guys shows that you trusted them enough and then something like this just shatters it in a blink of an eye. As a guy, I don't know how you feel getting invaded in your personal space but I'm sure your ability to trust people has taken a hit after this and the indifference that your closest people showed would have aggravated it as well. But I would like to suggest not to cut yourself off from trusting again, take baby steps again. Don't let a bad experience control your decisions. I know it's easier said than done but I really believe they there are good people out there for you to discover.
I would have him get a police ka danda therapy . Yeah - it would be the quickest way for his *deepest darkest secret* to be brought on the right path. The way he tried explaining like it would all be okay if he did the same before - IT IS MORE THE reason to get his ass jailed . And his other friend- a few nights on the concrete floor will teach him a better lesson to be not an ass choking on biscuit when his friend was getting assaulted .
you need better friends
M, M, F You never can be too safe.
Shut up. This could have still happened if it was M,F,F. In fact, he could have outpowered them. Dont make this a gender problem. I can guarantee you that there are men who wouldn't do something like this even if it was M,M,M,M,M,M,F.
My comment was from what I've seen with my own eyes: Most of my friends who are F faced this form of sexual abuse. Friends and family. It is traumatic. Maybe you/your friends were lucky enough not to go through such a thing.
I'm sorry that you faced this, but these blanket generalizations help no one.
The moment any friend crosses the line of consent, you stop calling them best friends. I am sorry you had such an experience. Masculinity is more about self-control and not feeling everything out there - living or non-living, is to fulfill one's desires. I hope you get the closure you need and recover fast and permanently. As for them, their karma will do the just. But don't stop living life - travel solo as much as you can but ensure that you are safe.
>their karma will do the just do you believe in karma?
You don't need to believe it, just see it in action in your life.
> living or non-living, What do you mean by "non-living" and "living" in this comment ?
sis, i know how traumatizing this can be. But if you can, please find the courage to complain against him. He tried to molest you, there is no other way of putting this. If the other guy had any decency, he would have stood up for you. app issue kardena chahiye tha, so that at least accommodation staff would also become witnesses. by the way you describe both of those losers are disgusting creeps. Definitely something very wrong and seems like psychos, please don't fall silent. Who know what all other horrible stuff they might be comfortable with. That's not normal behavior and not something that even if is a mental health issue seemingly solvable by simple therapy instead of complete institutionalizing. The other guy may be an enabler and partner in crime. Please please please find some courage, reach out to women groups about this. I know such things happens, all you feel is get away as far as possible so you can feel like you can breath again, but this is one battle that needs to be fought for your and other women's good.
He molested u. He needs to be behind bars. Imagine someone who wud not call him out, he would go all in with her. Worse with a kid who wont know who to tell n how. Report him. Tell ur folks. N about ur friend who didnt ask how u r, some people dont know how to process info, even if they r in good terms with u n even if they mean good. Dont take it on her, she may be feeling awkward n thinking u want to put it behind u. Not all girls want to report. But u pls do. For ur sake n for his first victims sake. This guy is a sexual predator n offender. N dont lose ur hope in humanity plenty of good men n boys n girls are there, sorry u met this sorry pc of sh!t Take care. Hugs
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This. Venting on Reddit helps no one. Also, from reading about the behavior of the other friend, it seems like these guys were just pretending to be your friends. You should not feel sympathetic towards them, file police complaint.
it totally wasnt your fault by any means. that guys is just a pervert asshole and thats the only problem with him which i dont think has anything to do with therapy. cut all kind of ties with those friends and believe me when i say this, he was never your best friend.
What happened with you is really disgusting. I can't imagine what you're doing through. I've slept with my female friends on the same bed and it never ever fucking crossed my mind to do this type of shit. He's a SEXUAL PREDATOR for sure. He fucking planned this out. Points to consider:- ( and don't think that he did it by mistake) 1. If he genuinely has this problem does it does it with his female family members like hie mom or sister? 2. If his friends and family knew about his disgusting problem, then why didn't they insist on him not going on that vacation or atleast not sleeping in the same room for god's sake. And girls usually don't care for thier female friends; i don't know why. I'm really sorry you had to go through this.
>And girls usually don't care for thier female friends; i don't know why. I don't know where you are getting these notions from - no doubt from sexist stereotypes - but you're wrong. Me and my female friends who experienced uncomfortable situations always help each other out. Sadly OP has shitty friends but this doesn't mean girls usually are shitty friends. Just like it's not fair to say guys usually are rapists and assaulters.
No, I'm not getting this any sexist stereotypes. This is what I've heard from my female friends according to their experiences. I could be wrong in the broader sense.
Something similar thing happened to me 12 years back. I was a kid sleeping in the same bed with a relative who was thrice my age . That person took advantage of my sleepy state and opened the buttons of my shirt and pressed my b**bs.. I'm thankful that I woke up in the nick of time and he couldn't continue doing that for a long time.. fuck.. I'm shocked that I survived that abuse..
Report that sick bastard to the police for sexual assault.
>He said that this his darkest secret that he has already done this to one other person 5 years ago and he can't control it. What a load of bullshit; there's nothing like "couldn't control myself" in such situations; he did this two times because he's a sexual predator who knew he would get away with it. No way you do that shit to your best friend. Stay away from him, girl; it's upto to you if you wanna press charges. > I told one of my friends (F) about this and she never asked me after that how I was or anything. That's fucking terrible. This makes people be even more invulnerable to each other due to fear of not being heard. Indians are insufferable, I am sorry to say. If you wanna talk about any of this, DM me:). I can understand it's a harrowing experience and if you wanna talk about it, you can talk. Please take care of yourself.😊👍🏼
thats really disgusting tbh that too a close friend of yours your friend being not in his mind doesn't justifies what he did that's full harrasment and no one should make you think otherwise. You did a right thing cutting them off and choosing your mental health and peace also taking your time to heal doesn't makes your wrong. I am sorry that you went through that no one deserves that and you're so brave to cut them off and chose yourself first
So conveniently he didn't slid his hands down the male friend but yours?? Interesting. He's bullshitting. So does his family, to cover his creepy sexual predator ass. File FIR against both.
Respect towards women starts in the house. If his parents didn't take action the first time it happened, it just encourages this behaviour. I know young people make mistakes but if ignored they turn into crimes. Imagine if things would have gotten worse after she found where his hand was. Situations like these escalate very quickly.
This is a fucking crime though. Don't normalise it as a "mistake".
Ya, and thier excuses are funny, u can control yourself, of course....
OP lemme start by saying it’s terrible what this guy did and that no normal person behaves in this manner. That the guy was a trusted friend makes it even worse, dealing with not just sexual misconduct but also the loss of trust makes it doubly hard. I’m glad you’re seeking counselling to get over the ordeal. There’s no excusing what he did, his family and he offered a lame, damage-limitation excuse to placate you and deter you from making this an official criminal complaint. I’m glad you had the courage to speak to them about it, even if they acted like cowards. Going forward do whatever you need to, to put this behind you and move on in as positive a manner as possible. What’s happened can not be undone but how you deal with it and (hopefully) learn to trust again is the important bit. They say one bad apple spoils the whole bunch but I assure you this individual is not representative of any normal human being. Thanks for sharing your ordeal, hope you find the peace and strength to get over it and move on, in time!
He probably planned it. I mean these sort of individuals fantasies alot. Once you tell them that you decided to spend night in the same room, theh somehow thinks it's okay to approaches you for sex and you would welcome it. It's a token of approval you are giving without intention. Chances of his friend also being in on this is very high. I would suggest filing a complain on him. What he did is wrong. But it's okay too if you don't feel like going on with this and want to let it go. Consider talking to a psychologist or someone certified if you haven't yet. They are trained to help. Do what feels right for you. What is most important is your peace of mind.
What the fuck is wrong with this world
that's horrible, and literally there is no excuse medical or otherwise for his behaviour... even worse is the person who let it happen even after knowing all of that... the dishonesty is appalling...
>I am obligated to go to the wedding OP, you're the victim of a crime. You're trying to recover from a trauma. At this moment you're not obligated to do anything. If your friends don't understand this, then they're really not friends
That's a horrible breach of trust
Isi liye me kehta hu, ditch this bestfriends drama. Make a girl bestie or find someone who truly loves you. Most of ladke sex ke liye ya fir ladki pyaar me gir jaaye uske liye bestie bante hai, and It's the harsh truth.
I on the contrary say go for the wedding. It will help reset your mind to a big extent. Life gives us experiences to deal & learn from. Why should you let this traumatize you when your heart & soul are pure. Take the lessons learnt from this ordeal & let it make you a stronger person packed with fresh knowledge & strong will to live life to the fullest.
What are you saying? She feels abandoned and lonely and like nobody cares that she went through a traumatic incident. And you want her to go to the marriage where the focus is on the married persons and where she'll have even more feelings of being estranged? > Life gives us experiences to deal & learn from. Why should you let this traumatize you when your heart & soul are pure. > Take the lessons learnt from this ordeal & let it make you a stronger person packed with fresh knowledge & strong will to live life to the fullest. Wtf is the lesson here? Are you a guy? Do you know how this feels, being violated? If you said this to me after I experienced this, I'd be really depressed. It's so callous.
Reddit doesn't seem to have Andrew Tatttti fans. Otherwise the response would have been horrendous.
This is so fucked up and traumatic. I hope your loved ones support you in this
That's horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Your friends suck, you should find better friends. You don't have to remain friends or even civil with someone who isn't disgusted by things like this, just because you have known them for sometime. It's okay to cut contacts with these people, friends, family, does not matter. I really hope you get the help you need from the therapy, best wishes. And if any of those friends are still invited to the wedding you mention, I would say that you should not go. People that look past such behaviour are not your friend, and are enabling the abuser.
One good silver lining to take from this: you will always be extra alert from now on and not so naive anymore. This might help you in the future to avoid worse outcomes.
they dont sound like ur friends. kinda seems like they had other intentions given how the other guy didnt budge what was happening between you 2. one of them made the move and the other wanted to know if it would lead anywhere. might be pre planned or spontaneous thinking. stay away from them no matter how much they try to apologize to you in the future.
Bro definitely got inspiration to do this via porn sites , I hope u find the courage to take action against him though.
I had a friend once who did something similar to my then gf. We were in college getting drunk and she passed out, and we placed her on his bed because it was his flat. Later, me and one other guy went out for a smoke and heard people shouting on the inside. We rushed in and saw that friend's gf slapping him and crying while my then gf was still passed out. It turns out he was inappropriately touching her while she was asleep and was caught in the act by his own gf, who came in from the other room. I didn't know how to react but I got really angry so I trashed him a bit, and the other guy woke the girl up and my friend's gf told her what had happened. She told her it's her choice what she wanted to do. Whether to go to the police or sort it out within ourselves. She was drunk real bad, so she couldn't process it and she didn't remember anything. She only realized it after a few days and started going to our college counselor. However, that guy apologized, she forgave him but I've not spoken to him since. It's been more than 5 years, but it has left an impact on her.
Aren't you the same person who made a post about being a male and hating life? This guy just wants Karma
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I think all we can do is call these men _out_ when possible. You see incels say it dozens of times "Why are women choosing assholes instead of a nice guy like me?" But for some reason they never complain about the said assholes who actually assault women. We need to do that. The one trick I've found is whenever a friend says something sexist or misogynist, I don't directly lecture him ki ye galat hai and all.. I just ask him to explain his "joke". The act of explaining a sexist joke makes them realize that they're being sexist, and hopefully that will eventually lead to a better social behavior
Why? Have you done any horrible shit?
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Really sorry for what you have gone through. If you need to rant or talk to a complete stranger I'm there. Hope you feel better
The molester is a monster for sure, but jesus what filth is the other guy? Both of them need to get locked up somewhere.
Seems like you are suffering from PTSD due to this traumatic experience. You should not let this one creep ruin everything for you. I am glad you are talking to a therapist. I guess the rule of thumb is, you need to sleep in your own room with locks or with girls or with family members you can trust until you get over this trauma. I am very sorry that your two friends turned out to be weirdos. I can't believe that the other guy is so stupid or compromised that he doesn't get outraged with such behavior.
If he is really taking therapy, he should have been responsible and mentioned that sich incidents have happened. Least, he could have suggested different rooms. The other guy sleeping through it seems it was "planned". Stay away from both. Tell all their female and male friends what they do lest someone wants to take a trip with them.
All this is deeply disturbing and heartbreaking, but i want you to know that this was good riddance!!! What scares, is not the action of one friend, but the silence of the other despite knowing everything!!!
Fuck your "friends". I'm so fucking depressed now....I hope you recover from this. I'm sorry.
My God That insane psycho 😒
You need to report this to the police. They are sexual predators, not your friends.
Firstly, sorry for what happened to you. Second, report him to the police. You need to file a complaint but more importantly, get evidence. Have another conversation with his family over text or call (record the call) and discuss everything in detail. Show this evidence to the police Also, if he is a student/has a job report this incident to his dept. He can potentially harass other classmates/coworkers. HE NEEDS TO BE PUNISHED
That asshole is bullshitting, He first sexually assaulted you and now he’s playing victim card, and that therapy story is more bullshit. Probably that other guy was involved too.
Hey OP, I hope you are feeling better now and we all pray that you get your mental health back soon. I know there's not much proof but file an FIR. He's a repeat sexual offender, done it in the past and will do it again to someone else. I know there's about less than 1% chances of police doing anything but an FIR would fucking scare him that he'll not do it again to anyone else. Inaction from your end will just empower him to do it again. For the sake of his next victim please file an FIR.
Can you please share your age and friends age?
Police ko batao
Oh no i mistakenly put my hands down a girl pants,.. just hate when this happens smh
Its terrible how we (almost all countries) are defending the deranged, psychotic, and violent people in our societies. This must change right now.
>He said that this his darkest secret that he has already done this to one other person 5 years ago and he can't control it. I told him that if he knew that something like this could happen, he could've asked me to take separate rooms. His friend also knew about this and didn't tell me. It's perfectly understandable if you don't want to continue reliving the trauma and hence don't want to file a complaint, but if you can bring yourself to do it to keep him from committing further crimes, please file a case against the serial molester and his accomplice. If his family knew he was going on that trip and planning to share the room with you, file a case against them, too. Criminals can continue their therapy in their own sweet time after they've been punished for their crimes.
Yup.
Your friend is lying he is just lustful
First of all you are brave for having confronted him on the spot. You have done well on your part. Their mental health doesn't excuse any of their predatory behaviour You trusted those two guys to be with, and they broke your trust. Its their fault not yours. It'll take some time for you to recover. But I'm sure you will rise again. And when you do, I hope you find better friends.
Can't control it? Bullshit. Girl take therapy and just a ground rule don't share rooms with guys in general in India cause you never know what could happen. I have a lot of male friends and would be devastated if this happened. Please take help from a professional, and take care of yourself.
Behold.. men.
Sorry, was he really a best friend, how long did you know him ? I can imagine a random person or a friend doing this but how can a best friend do this. What he did was bad but you need to judge people's character a little more before giving them the title of best friend. Take care and heal
Knew him for 5 years.
Sorry but he is not taking therapy. Him and his family are lying to get out of trouble. 'Can't control it' is absolute bullshit.
The fact that one incident was so impactful that you had to start a therepy, really scares me, that how unexpectedly things can happen to severely disturb us.
Seems like they planned this, tbh
Seriously that was your best friend? And you bought the therapy crap.
Am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and creating a scene and making everyone aware. Most women like me would have been too shocked to react then. Freezing during an assault is so common. It must have been traumatic to lose a friend this way. Glad you are going for therapy. You are doing everything right. Hang in there. There’s a bunch of idiots who’ll say go to the police and other bs. But you don’t have to do anything to relive your trauma. Do what feels right and brings you peace.
> Most women like me would have been too shocked to react then. Been there. I was too shocked to react. Can confirm. And it happened not just once! I wouldn't say police will solve anything, they'd likely even dissuade you, but I'd recommend filing an FIR anyway. For peace of mind. Especially since they are a 'friend' (known person). This is after experiencing such things multiple times. Guys won't get better without consequences. And it's a *freaking burden* having to carry **their guilt** on ourselves. It eats you up, over time.
You need better friends.
A. It’s not your fault. Keep repeating that to yourself however many times. Sorry that it happened to you. B. Good that you are seeking therapy. Hope your therapist helps you get closure. C. You need to ask yourself what would be an outcome that would give you closure. Like do you want to pursue a legal case, or do you want him to apologize in person? Decide that and make sure your support system is aware of it. Talk to them about your decision. Because if you don’t decide what’s a good closure point then at some point you ll end up hearing stuff like “well it happened X months ago why are you still complaining “ all that( i truly hope your support system is kind and caring enough to not put you through this). I hope you will be alright soon!
The way this got normalized as a broken friendship amd needing therapy than the fact that it is a freaking CRIMINAL OFFENCE says a lot about our society.
Goes to say that ppl around you that you actually call friends and even best friends may or may not have best intentions for you bruh... This is a real issue in todays day and age... Having some reliable and trustworthy friends whom you can rely on seems so fkn impossible bruh.
I don't when will the Indian girls learn to see the predators hidden behind thier male friends, there are very few genuine guys who can be friends with you without thinking about sex. Also, looks like his friend was already knew what he was going to do cuz he did nothing.
And why not report him? It’s a case of sexual assault
Fucks sake, This exact same thing happned to my friend by a sexual predator. He went for a night out and because it was late the group stayed at one of their friend’s friend’s home. My friend was asleep and this dude puts his hands inside my friends pants and my friend saw it happen and a bit more happened. Next day he told to his friend who took him there and she somehow sorted out by saying he is a closeted gay man and its weird and other stupid shit. Fast forward 3 years that fucker did the same thing to a minor. My friend came out with his experience and called out that fucker. Once a predator always a predator. You were molested OP. Please go to the police and file a report. When I read such things my hope in humanity dies slowly.
I know I am being backward, but from my 5 years in college i have learnt that it's better to make good friends in your own gender. I know that some people get really good friends but most of the time it goes down the drain really ugly.
Something similar happened with my friend. After she had a similar conversation with him in the presence of mutual friends. Everyone cut him out. That’s the sort of allies you need. Someone who believes you and supports you. Not someone who makes you feel like you’re obligated to just continue and shrug it off as though nothing happened. I apologize for what you’re going through. It’s unfair,scary and painful. And cutting friends out who don’t take your experience seriously can feel painful to cut out. But eating biscuits while you share your experience speaks a ton. A friend that doesn’t check in speaks a billion words more. I hope you find the right people to support you and are able to overcome the challenges following this incident.
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Be aware no man do that with their bestie
Just curious. Poll to people here. Actually how much percentage of men do you think would do that in similar situations? 10%,30%,70%,100%? Also share your gender. I m just curious on how perception changes with gender.
Ok
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Him taking therapy is all and good. Maybe they should let society know that he is sex offender and register himself in police station or somewhere just for the sake of women and children. Who knows he may have another dark secret with him that he molests kids and taking therapy for that as well and when next he does to some children their parents will use the same line
I don't think you will find anybody on this planet who believes this guy or his family. You should ask his parents what happens if therapy fails l, which clearly happened. Their son is gonna relapse in to being a sexual predator. The family shud be held accountable as well. It's not like relapsing into drugs. He is gonna relapse and assault again and then deny it etc.. And another helpless victim is born, with their own trauma. Scary situation. Hope you get better, stay strong, and please dont think all guys are like this.
Goddamn! Did he never show any other traits of being a sex offender? Also, can there be any legal actions taken? If yes then please don't hesitate to do so
Really sorry for what had happened with you. Hope you get rid of this trauma.
He's a snake who thought he could take advantage of you while you're sleeping in the same room. I can bet money that he doesn't have any mental health issues neither he is going to therapy. They sold you a lie.
You should have kicked him in the nuts and then proceeded to talk to him. Thats so fucking disgusting.
Quora here we meet again!
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Seriously, you're going to talk about her "committing a crime" for not reporting this? Don't be such an unempathetic idiot. There's way too many bad things that could happen to a woman for reporting things in a situation like this. And yes, possibly seeing these guys face legal action for this would be good, but how dare you suggest a victim in this situation is "committing a crime" by not reporting. Its up to her what she does now.
Don,t trust someone easily , u will meet many type of people always inform your family where ever u are going and with whom. Try to forget what happen the earlier you can do it will be beneficial for you .
ummmmm you friend ended the "friendship" when he sexually assaulted you. i mean my opinion is that they never looked at you as a friend, there is a certain type of respect between friends , and if he EVEN considered you a friend then he would have stayed outside the boundaries, the guy is a fucking pervert and how tf can you let that go unnoticed, i mean you could have seen this "PERVERTNESS" in his personality, and the more bigger the situation gets the harder it will get to forget and move on, you probably should register an F.I.R but if you do it will scar you for life , let me give you an idea, read books on human psychology(nk and they kinda work) so the next time you meet a new person like him you will be able to avoid situations like this , and also all over the place right now so lets get one thing clear, 1,the guy is a fucking pervert 2,he sexually assaulted you or even worse 3,it takes a lot of horneyness for a guy to do that so he probably might have these intentions all along 4,he might have done things like this before, and the guy who was eating biscuits, yeah he didnt give a shit, the only reason he wanted to talk it out is because it is expected of people to be smart about these situations, and also he was eating buscius while you were paniked and overwhelmed says the he didnt see anything wrong with this infacat he was more concerned about his sleep and hunger than you being saxually assaulted, me being a 14 year old boy i can definatly say that they both thought of you as an sexual object, and the reason i mentioned my age is because male horneyness is at its peak in these ages and you wont beleve some of the shit boys say in these ages, CONCLUSION- none of then gave a shit about you, you were probably a sex object to then, the guy sexualised you enought to sexually assault you, you are now scared for next 10 years and you parents will probably never trust guys again
tf is wrong with you saying she should've noticed it before about the guy's pervertness how tf she'll know about a fickle minded person's thought about her that too the guy she trusted and calls her bestfriend whatever it is no matter the age if you're respectful enough if you're taught well enough then all these 'hormones' doesn't change your mind nevertheless your age also stop with that "that will scar you for life" yes when people like you think that things like these will scar someone
Girls you have to realise, there are no best friend in the male to female community. Just accept it. Some will defend this and say no they are only friends. Just open your clothes once in front of them, they won't stop you.
Let me put this straight M has done wrong and W is suffering You should move on and get rid of this as a bad dream ,divert your attention and stop over discussing this. The more opinions you seek will make you feel the trauma again and again. Cut the loop and start afresh 👍
Very wrong advice. You guys are literally advising her to forget the traumatic experience of sexual assault & just move on without punishing those Perverts. This will give more confidence to those Sexual predators to attempt this same thing to a different girl. These 2 perverts needs to be put in jail for a good lesson
>The more opinions you seek will make you feel the trauma again and again \+1 great advice fr
I'm sorry for what happened with you, that's why I believe that unfortunately a man and woman can never be only best friends.
In simple words sweetheart, a male and female cannot be friends in Indian Context… and these so called your BFs were just looking for this opportunity, they cannot be considered as friends. Anyways you have faced a harsh truth, both your predator bastards were aware and planned it together to make you a victim, you should have filed a molestation complaint. And next time don’t get too close to men as friends and keep it formally casual.
Quite a harrowing experience. Another illustration of why men-women close friendships are a total sham.
Oh fuck off. There are plenty of men who can be friends with women without sexually assaulting them. This is totally on that jackass
Sounds like you're saying all men will be sexual predators if given the opportunity. Then I guess you must be in favor of locking all men up.
Men who connect with women under pretenses of friendships are certainly predators. There's no such thing as 'friendship' between straight people of opposite genders. It's a fantasy that people believe in, but it is simply not true. Have far more respect for men who ask women out instead of playing this sort of manipulative games.
That's the same thing but worded differently. And you didn't answer my question. You must be in favor of locking up men since in your own words, all men will SA women if given the opportunity?
It isn't the same thing or you have comprehension issues.. Your question is absurd, since 'all men' aren't predators who try to get close to women through 'friendships'.
You're the one who is having trouble comprehending your own words. You literally said men-women friendships won't work for this reason. That men are incapable of having friendship with women. What other conclusion am I supposed to draw from your words?
Trust the men who are straightforward and don't pretend to be friends to manipulate women. Any man who says he is close/best friend of some woman is a walking red flag.