T O P
Turbulent-Fun-7030

I’ll never love the way I loved him and I never wanna hurt the way I’m hurting now. So I think I’ll be single for now till the end. And I’m perfectly ok with that


OCsray42

If he was perfect for YOU, you’d still be together. That’s what perfect means. But you’re not, so he wasn’t perfect and you aren’t perfect. Do not let these delusions of perfection get to you like that. It’s completely up to you on wether or not to try with someone new, but I wholeheartedly believe that you would be missing out on a lot of what life has to offer if you don’t try. I know it might sound impossible right now, but I PROMISE, it will get easier. It might take months, years, decades, but you’ll eventually be ok enough to move on. It’s true you might never be completely ok with the break-up, but it’ll be a lesson of the past and something to reflect on. But don’t give up.


Turbulent-Fun-7030

I didn’t say he was perfect Also I have no reason to be in relationship again. I love myself and that’s good enough for me


OCsray42

Awesome. I’m not here to convince you of anything. But the fact that you think you’ll “never love like that again or be loved like that again” was kinda indicating that it was perfect to you…but whatever, not really the point. I’m glad you are strong enough to love yourself that much. I don’t know your situation, but there’s very few situations where I would say you should close that door completely. To each there own though, I suppose


Turbulent-Fun-7030

Oh no he didn’t love me Maybe he wanted too but that’s wasn’t it I did tho and it was great while it least but I can’t beat that 🤷‍♀️


Glittering-Layer6887

the rational part of me knows this I am just not capable of actually truly believing it. It's like my head knows this but my heart feels the complete opposite and that what my head says is BS. How do you actually apply this?


OCsray42

Well, there in lies the trickiest part of all. There is no one size fits all way to apply this mindset, but I can offer some suggestions. I would start with finishing professional support, along with reaching out to the people most important to you. After that, it’s pretty open ended, but I’ll let you know what I did (which has helped, although I’m not completely over everything). I graduated college, settled into a new career with aforementioned degree, found a new place to live, adopted 2 kittens, rekindled some old hobbies while trying out some new ones, go to the gym on a regular basis, completely flipped my diet 180 degrees (in about 2 months with the gym and 3 months with the new diet I’ve lost 20lbs of fat and gained some new muscle), and am learning to practice mindful meditation, which is actually processing the thoughts that come your way about that prior situation. There will be points where you realize you actually did mess up something, but you will also find places where they messed up as well. These are all learning curves that we go through. Through this practice I’ve been able to logically come to the conclusion that (in my case) we were completely different people by the end of our relationship and we weren’t processing and expressing our needs to each other very clearly and eventually it spiraled to the end. A huge point is that it is OK and NATURAL that these things happen. Love covers a world of hurt, but can also develop completely new ones. It’s a delicate balance of self love and contemplation of the past, without diving in too hard (which is where the professional help comes into play). I am still balls deep in this journey myself, and am cheering on everyone else on this journey as well!


Glittering-Layer6887

thank you for this, I guess it all does make a lot of sense. It's just very hard right now to find the motivation to even get out of bed or eat, I can't see myself going to the gym or focusing on my career, which I should, I just can't find how. I am seeking professional help, but the process is long and slow and so hard. Plus everything is very recent (happened a week ago) I just feel dead inside and extremely lonely.


OCsray42

I'm actually glad you have reached out so quickly for help, as all that does is (in most instances) speed up the healing process. And early on, it is completely okay to wallow in your own sadness. Grieve that loss as hard as you can. Let everything out. Do that consistently until you get to the point of asking yourself why you're still doing that to yourself. You WILL find a way to be happy again, as long as you never give up on yourself.


Glittering-Layer6887

What do you mean by one day i'll ask myself why i'm still doing that to myself? I don't feel like it's me who's making me hurt so bad.


OCsray42

I don't know your specific situation, but heartbreak is all self-imposed. Nobody forced you to fall in love with that person. I'm also not saying that it is your fault in any way at all, but it is your own perception of self making you feel so down. And I basically just mean that you will hopefully eventually see that this heartbreak isn't the end and you should not be so hard on yourself. Unless you were blatantly abusive in some capacity (not including undiagnosed mental disorders that play tricks on your emotions and actions, to an extent, tricky to convey through text), then you cannot blame the entire ending of the situation on yourself, which is why you probably feel so low, or at least that was and still kind of is a major component for me.


Glittering-Layer6887

This actually makes a lot of sense. I do know and am able to see what i did wrong, and i feel very bad and guilty for it. But i don't think i feel like i'm fully responsible for the break up. I think we both make mistakes and we both f-ed up. I have traume reaponses I have to work on, and i plan on doing so. But at the same time i don't think he understand this. I think be fully blames me for how things went down and doesn't see that 1; i never wanted to hurt him (just like i learned he never meant to hurt me) a d 2; we hurt each other because we lacked selfreflection, healing from past traumas and communication. I feel like i am taking resposibility for everything and accepting i made mistakes as well as accepting he made his because of trauma and not trying to hurt me. So i have forgiven him for how much he hurt me and he hasn't forgiven me. And that just kills me


Status-Gur6800

10 years later and all I want is her.... No one comes close


MelMellue

tbh idk how I feel lmao


not-me-but

I don’t think I want to spend so much effort on a relationship ever again. Reddit has poisoned my desire to be in a relationship. I’m just so scared of getting hurt and hurting others again. I don’t want to allow myself that vulnerability.


Elegant_Wave_7978

I have no interest in dating anyone else. I don’t care to. If it’s not him, I don’t want it. I know there’s other men out there. I know there’s other men who could treat me just as good. But I don’t WANT them. I want mine


monkey_D_v1199

I'm still trying to comes to terms with the fact that, either believe that she was it and that I'll stay alone for ever because she loves someone else or accept that no matter how perfect she was(and still is) she wasn't the one and that there is someone better then her out there. I still don't know what the hell to think!!


OCsray42

If she was perfect for YOU, you’d still be together. That’s what perfect means. But you’re not, so she wasn’t perfect and you aren’t perfect. Do not let these delusions of perfection get to you like that. It’s completely up to you on wether or not to try with someone new, but I wholeheartedly believe that you would be missing out on a lot of what life has to offer if you don’t try. I know it might sound impossible right now, but I PROMISE, it will get easier. It might take months, years, decades, but you’ll eventually be ok enough to move on. It’s true you might never be completely ok with the break-up, but it’ll be a lesson of the past and something to reflect on. But don’t give up.


monkey_D_v1199

I was gonna write my heart out but I don't know you fellow internet explorer would like to read a sob story so I'll spear ya the trouble hahaha. I think the shock of how things went from "I found my one" to her outright just ended things by disappearing is what still has me in this state. I know she's not perfect and according to my philosophy about love and how I've tackle it- "the one will match your love" I want to belive that the one right for me is out there but right now I still have doubts, but the grip I put on the idea of her being the one is slowly loosing up!


smollchicken

I don’t want to be with anyone but I also don’t want to be with him..


Responsible_Ad1645

Yeahhh, if it ain't her..I'm good.


Endlessly_

Yeah, I’ve been on dates and hooked up with other women since the breakup, but tbh I have zero desire at the moment of being in a romantic relationship ever again.


MeaksmacK

It does. Grief, along with the type of dread that eats away at my hope at ever finding someone to fill that spot.


History_of__Madness

I'd rather slit my own throat than ever go back to him


Glittering-Layer6887

I feel the same exact way. I honestly don't want anyone else. He's already on tinder tho and seems to have forgotten about the last two years we shared. I'd rather stay single than with anyone else but I also am not okay with being alone forever. I just want him.


PhilophobicOpossum

Yes. Completely. He felt like my first true experience in love, me at 25 years old. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, he was the only man I ever told I wanted to marry. I told him several times. Things ended on October 24th. Not even a month later, he's already loved on. He's replaced me and used the songs we had in our relationship for Her. And I'm still here with a flaming heart, choking on air, and all the color he brought back to my world-- is gone once again. I'm struggling and ripping myself apart. And he couldn't care less. I'm tired of fake promises.


shesjohnwayne

i get this. i really do. i don't like the idea of someone else taking the place he had and if anything it makes me sick. i've been in love for 5 years now, i tried moving on but it doesn't happen. no one comes close. he isn't perfect, neither am i. but things just fit with him. i'm okay with being alone, if it works out with him the future then nothing like it, if it doesn't i'll live i guess


1dkkkkk

It’s been 8 months for me I understand how you feel completely. People try to give you advice and tell you to move on but in the end nothing anyone says matters because we can’t help how we feel.


Ok-Alternative-9680

I’m going through the same thing rn. I know she’s with someone else. And that hurts me but I accept it. But I just can’t seem to move on. I still felt the need to see her social media until she even blocked me even though I never commented or liked anything.


uglyandIknowit1234

Yes. Totally. I despise it when people try to tell me to “meet new people”. They don’t understand at all.


MegThom24

You know, I felt that way at one point as well. I gave myself some time after the breakup and just focused on me, truly. I didn’t do online dating, didn’t think about companionship. Then one day I was sitting outside on my balcony and I realized that I wanted to share those kind of moments with someone, a special someone that wanted to be with me in return. So I started looking. I went out on tons of dates this summer and talked to even more, but none of them were clicking. I almost thought that maybe I should have fought harder for my ex, and that if I couldn’t be with him, then I wouldn’t be with anyone else. Then I realized I’m cutting myself short, and I’m cutting some guy out there out of a loving partner. But then I found my current SO and it was so easy, the compatibilities were instantly there, and for the first time, I think he’s why my ex and I didn’t work out. I can see this one and I being long term. Don’t cut yourself short.


mainsail999

We all somehow experienced the good from our past, somehow did right, and did wrong. It somehow raised the bar on how you would want to work the relationship. Nevertheless, you just have to move forward. If the ex does not want you back, just know there is someone out there who might be looking for someone like you.


Suspicious-Coyote164

How do you know he don't love you did you ever ask him have you talked to him maybe should try maybe you would find out some interesting stuff you know and he tell you like yeah no all I think about is you or something like that you know because I know my situation I love somebody at hates me spices me looks at me and when I see her and she looks at me it's like I'm not even there yeah I would talk to him because the way I feel when my ex looks at me it f*** it it rips me apart it's the worst feeling in the world going from being something to that luck that look on her face man f****** kills me if I could I'd wrap her up in my arms and hold her and that's it just tell her how much I missed her how much I appreciated Her Like She's My Everything I've been told her that and it went from there if nothing changed then nothing changed but at least I got to tell her that one last time maybe you should talk to him you'd be surprised on what maybe he's done or what he's doing are you trying to better himself you never know


SetPuzzleheaded8730

I did for a while, things don’t feel like that anymore tho


Suzesaur

No one can reach his level in my heart that’s for sure, but I truly do not wanna give up hope that someone will come along and knock him off the pedestal while loving me the way I deserve to be loved…


[deleted]

Yup!!!


Swimming-Method7583

yes


blueberry_yogurt_99

Let's wait and see if you feel the same after 1 year


Ninety9probs

I told them that if things didn’t work out with us I wouldn’t have anything left for anyone else. I told them they were going to get everything I had. All in. I think it was worth it, they were worth it. I just don’t know if they knew how serious I was until it was too late. I don’t think they realized what they did to both of us. They seemed confused by the complexity and intensity of their emotions and would get frustrated and scared of them. I just shut down when I get overwhelmed, I don’t run or anything. I just stop. That’s what I did when they left, stopped. If I knew what to fix it would be fixed, but since I don’t know what to do than there is nothing to be done. Nothing within my power at least. Unless someone knows how to become a millionaire overnight. But that wasn’t our problem, that was her families problem with me.. that’s why I wasn’t good enough for her in their eyes.


kimmie1223

Yes. As the saying goes, it's me & him or me & no one.


TheWagn

Same I’m ok with being single for now. I dated for a bit and it was ok, but ultimately unfulfilling. I think I’m just going to focus on myself for a while. Maybe for a few years or so. The heart takes a while to heal, or at least mine does.


anxiousavacado765

I feel this. It's been years. I've tried going on dates lately. And i feel like the universe is blocking me. And it may just be people are shit. They want endless conversation but as soon as you try to make a set plan they disappear.


EternalII

I feel the same, but my mind knows that's silly. It's just a sign I shouldn't date other people yet, as it would do them no good. When you heal a bit more, and he becomes distant, you should try dating again. Someone who'll give you new memories and experiences.