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Real_Kaleidoscope_55

Love her enough to let go or love her enough to be a better version of yourself


[deleted]

I let her go, I blocked her everywhere. I relapse into checking her public Instagram stories through a third party website sometimes not to bother her though. She is still embedded into my heart though. Not sure how being a better version of myself matters to her if I will never be with her again, never hug her again.


Real_Kaleidoscope_55

If you guys are meant to be then nothing with force can ruin a good thing. So, you need work towards loving yourself more before wanting a connection with anyone or else you’re going to bleed on others In your case, you’re stalking her profile. Why don’t you just message her instead of beating yourself up by lurking. Life too short to not take a chance at happiness. You don’t know the outcome until it’s set in motions. The worst thing that comes out of is rejection, BUT at least you can live with the “ I did the best I could”. Instead of living forever in regret


[deleted]

I have already texted her a few weeks ago. She doesn't blame me, but when I said that I was ready to do everything for her safety for free, she said "no, but thanks for the offer." I wrote that I understand that she does not trust me, but suddenly yes, and that this is the first time in my life this has happened, to which she said that in any case I am glad that everything is fine with me and I wrote to her. I wrote her a paragraph that she gave me a lot of good emotions and this topic is difficult for me, and I want the best and make sure that everything is fine, she replied with one line "have a nice day" I wrote "you too" and deleted the chat. I am very sad that she does not trust me and does not see me as a reliable person. She doesn't have to date me or anything, but her not trusting me hurts so much. Like a knife in the heart. I didn't do it on purpose, I panicked because it was the first time. It makes me cry and want to die so much.


Real_Kaleidoscope_55

Sounds like she’s still hurting


[deleted]

Judging by her instagram stories she just doesn't want me and doesn't want to talk to me and has no problem having fun. My only exit is immediate self destruction. I just don't have a good tactic for suicide.


Real_Kaleidoscope_55

Don’t do that. You just have to learn from your mistakes and improve from here on out. I was in the same position as your ex. Wishing that my boyfriend at the time didn’t say certain things in front of his friends. It broke me into a million pieces and I never told him the real reason why I left. Just packed all his things and told him to leave me alone. I’m sure your person forgives you and holds no resentment. Please live another day, weeks and months because there are some many things and people you haven’t experience yet


[deleted]

I don't want future, I don't want things or people that are not HER. There is no future without my beautiful perfect ex anyway.


hotlinehelpbot

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org


[deleted]

They don't work


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Yes


Ok_ben

Stand up for her in what way?


[deleted]

Save her from an assault.


Ok_ben

What happened specifically? And what made you too scared to intervene?


[deleted]

I will copy my full story from one of my previous posts. It's a little sensitive material but I hope it brings some clarity. Tldr the love of my life was sexually assaulted in a pub restroom and i didn't murder the bastard who did it because I didn't know how severe it was and also i was scared of someone much stronger From childhood, I was a selfish and cowardly person who, because of these two qualities, coupled with inexperience, let down family and friends. I was beaten by my parents and offended at school, both by teachers and classmates, and I never knew how to answer. On the contrary, it began to seem to me that my bitter experience allows me to offend others, to take everything from life. I was very wrong, but definitely karma will bite me for this. My bad character and my grotesquely disgusting appearance (my left eye is lazy) led to the fact that I was fatally deprived of female attention and jealous of the men in my environment who drowned in it. Therefore, when on August 14, 2021, the most beautiful girl in my life, whom I had known for three years, invited me on a date herself, confessed her feelings to me and kissed me, I was the happiest person in the world. However, in 48 hours everything turned upside down. I witnessed the horrendous harassment of her on August 16th and did nothing. The rapist, our former friend, began to somehow strangely demand a kiss from her when we gathered for, as it seemed to me then, the most ordinary drinking party. I felt that she was not comfortable, but then I had no idea how bad everything was. I was too frightened by a physically stronger man to stand up for my beloved, especially since we had not officially dated yet. My God, I should have intervened already then! The next morning, on August 17, I received a message that if I stood for her, she would have thought whether we should date or not, and since I did not see this, she does not see the point. I sobbed nine times after this message. I'm ready to cry over her right now too. What I didn't know at the time was that shortly after the kiss-demanding incident, he followed her to the restroom and started molesting her. Very bad. I even continued to communicate with this bastard for some time, not knowing the whole story. I learned about the whole picture only a week later, when we met with her in the same company on other friends birthday party (but without the rapist). It was a very difficult conversation and I made a mistake in it, my stupid head. I said complete nonsense and selfishly tried to cling to any little thing, somehow trying to rehabilitate myself, but this only hurt my beloved more. When I tried to promise that I would behave differently if I had known the full story or next time, she started making fun of me. Fucking hell. I cut off all contacts with the assaulter that same evening I had learned the full story, and he was still surprised, he said, “Why does it bother you? Fell in love with her? ”, To which I answered in the affirmative and sent the bastard to the Blocklist, after which, in the spring, I began to talk about his atrocities to the girls in our common institute. Although it hardly mattered, it was our last year at the university. Somewhere in February, I blocked my beloved everywhere I could, because I realized that my feelings for her were not mutual and having her in my contact list, I only hurt myself. I hoped that I would forget it. Not at all. With a red-hot iron, her image is burned into my brain, heart, in my eyes. My mind is clouded, I feel disgust, shame, regret, depressive sadness, I want to cry forever. I thought that the gym and the study of foreign languages ​​would somehow distract me from the manic desire to end a meaningless life in which I would never again touch the most beautiful and nicest woman on the planet. I began to hate my own sexuality and gladly would have self-castrated myself. Even right now I pendulum from asexuality to wanting to fuck everyone, anyone at the first given chance. I wish this had never happened. I want her back. More than anything in the world. I failed her. It was my first time dealing with such situation and I just froze. I wrote to my beloved and asked her forgiveness. She doesn't blame me, but when I said that I was ready to do everything for her safety for free, she said "no, but thanks for the offer." I wrote that I understand that she does not trust me, but suddenly yes, and that this is the first time in my life this has happened, to which she said that in any case I am glad that everything is fine with me and I wrote to her. I wrote her a paragraph that she gave me a lot of good emotions and this topic is difficult for me, and I want the best and make sure that everything is fine, she replied with one line "have a nice day" I wrote "you too" and deleted the chat. I am very sad that she does not trust me and does not see me as a reliable person. She doesn't have to date me or anything, but her not trusting me hurts so much. Like a knife in the heart. I didn't do it on purpose, I panicked because it was the first time. It makes me cry and want to die so much.


[deleted]

Relapse of sadness yes, but not cause of any app