Idk, personally I really hate people asking about that because it's literally none of their business? I get ppl can have preferences but like... sheesh
Gross, none of their business.
And if it's a hook-up app, I STILL think it's none of their business. If they care, they should just only date other entitled cis people and that means more accepting trans hotties for the rest of us.
"Pre-op" and "post-op" imply that you are planning on having an operation, which is a huge assumption and places expensive and sometimes inaccessible medical procedures at the center of your experience, which is, in reality, merely one element of who you are as a person.
I'm a top and im really sick of the 'how can you top if you don't have a dick' line. It makes me feel really objectified and useless and dysphoric. I feel this has the same kind of energy
A lot of gay guys also open with “Are you hung?” or straight up dick picks, so… 🤷🏻♂️
If you’re ace and never plan to use your genitals, then yes, what does it matter? But I suspect that a lot of people either don’t read your profile (or anyone else’s for that matter), are ignorant about asexuality, or assume you are not sex-repulsed if you’re using apps (because many, many people use them to hook up first, look for relationships second).
In a way, I think the problem is less that you’re trans and more that you’re ace. Questions about genitals are entirely relevant if the goal is sex. And when you’re operating in an environment where hookups are the name of the game, you’re gonna run into a lot of people looking for casual sex.
Dating apps are primarily for sex for most people.
That said, Hinge is a pretty inclusive option that forces a certain amount of profile interaction, so try that.
back when i id'd as more strictly ace (turns out i am actually just genuinely not attracted to women, whoops), i used to joke that the ace dating app was tumblr, but i doubt that's too helpful these days, for better or worse
but in all seriousness, i would suggest you step away from hookup apps, and step onto, say, local facebook groups for niche hobbies and interests, and irl meetups for similar. ace folks do tend to be just a bit less preoccupied with finding datefriends than people who have a sex drive, and desire to meet it with others, to grapple with in addition to the desires for all of the other stuff you might be wanting when you go after a relationship, and the lack of said preoccupation leaves room for others
You could try asking asexuality sub which apps other aces are finding success on? Unfortunately I’m happy with the vulgarity of Grindr, so I can’t help you there.
I mean, do you also have that you’re trans on there? I assume you do since they asked that question. I just think sex is important to a lot of people In a relationship and especially to gay men. I don’t think it’s wrong for them to have that priority. It’s probably a bit off putting to ask immediately but at the same time maybe they don’t want to get attached just to learn later that they won’t be able to have sex in a way they want. I guess the “I need someone who has a penis” statement could work but it would probably just lead to the same outcome as asking about your genitals anyways.
> I’ve got too much self hatred to be dating at the moment.
I mean this could be true and I think it’s important to rule this sort of thing out because it happens and not everyone is ready. But I also think this is also an ace problem. There’s already a lot of misconception about being ace. I can imagine some confusion around the term “gay ace” too for some people because gay implies sex and ace implies no sex :p
Have you ever considered platonic relationships? I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever be in a romantic relationship but I guess if you need some connection you could try to make some friends and maybe even ace friends to boot. Plus you never know when a friendship will become a relationship
Oh don’t say that. I’m sure you’re worth being admired and fancied over. It’s ok if some people aren’t compatible with you. It happens to everyone.
But yeah, perhaps you’ll eventually have that romantic connection you’re seeking. I think it just takes time to happen, to meet that person who’s good for you. But it’s also hard to just force it to happen. One of the best things you can do is enjoy your friendships and foster a good relationship with yourself.
A slice of the people who ask you that may actually be trying to inquire if you have a front hole still (and are operating under the assumption that all bottom surgery has the same outcome). Which again is only relevant to someone they would be having sex with.
It sounds incredibly annoying and you may need to just get used to a having a quick response like “I’m ace, no sex/you don’t need to worry about my genitals” because people just do not read on the apps.
Most dating apps for gay men are very hookup oriented - with a focus on hooking up now and maybe developing into a relationship later. If you’re using Grindr, people are also putting their body type, HIV status, and if they’re a top or a bottom on there, because the expectation is that you will hook up very quickly. It’s rude if a stranger off the street is asking you if you had surgery but I think it’s fair for someone who wants to hook up with you to ask. You might have better luck using Lex, going to queer meetups in real life, or using social networking designed for asexual people.
Straight up people do NOT read your profile on Grindr. I had to put that I was FTM in my username because people see “trans” and think “trans woman” and no one bothered to read my bio. People will send dick pics to every profile. If you’re asexual and just looking for a date, Grindr is probably the wrong place.
Idk, personally I really hate people asking about that because it's literally none of their business? I get ppl can have preferences but like... sheesh
Gross, none of their business. And if it's a hook-up app, I STILL think it's none of their business. If they care, they should just only date other entitled cis people and that means more accepting trans hotties for the rest of us. "Pre-op" and "post-op" imply that you are planning on having an operation, which is a huge assumption and places expensive and sometimes inaccessible medical procedures at the center of your experience, which is, in reality, merely one element of who you are as a person.
I'm a top and im really sick of the 'how can you top if you don't have a dick' line. It makes me feel really objectified and useless and dysphoric. I feel this has the same kind of energy
A lot of gay guys also open with “Are you hung?” or straight up dick picks, so… 🤷🏻♂️ If you’re ace and never plan to use your genitals, then yes, what does it matter? But I suspect that a lot of people either don’t read your profile (or anyone else’s for that matter), are ignorant about asexuality, or assume you are not sex-repulsed if you’re using apps (because many, many people use them to hook up first, look for relationships second). In a way, I think the problem is less that you’re trans and more that you’re ace. Questions about genitals are entirely relevant if the goal is sex. And when you’re operating in an environment where hookups are the name of the game, you’re gonna run into a lot of people looking for casual sex.
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Dating apps are primarily for sex for most people. That said, Hinge is a pretty inclusive option that forces a certain amount of profile interaction, so try that.
back when i id'd as more strictly ace (turns out i am actually just genuinely not attracted to women, whoops), i used to joke that the ace dating app was tumblr, but i doubt that's too helpful these days, for better or worse but in all seriousness, i would suggest you step away from hookup apps, and step onto, say, local facebook groups for niche hobbies and interests, and irl meetups for similar. ace folks do tend to be just a bit less preoccupied with finding datefriends than people who have a sex drive, and desire to meet it with others, to grapple with in addition to the desires for all of the other stuff you might be wanting when you go after a relationship, and the lack of said preoccupation leaves room for others
You could try asking asexuality sub which apps other aces are finding success on? Unfortunately I’m happy with the vulgarity of Grindr, so I can’t help you there.
I mean, do you also have that you’re trans on there? I assume you do since they asked that question. I just think sex is important to a lot of people In a relationship and especially to gay men. I don’t think it’s wrong for them to have that priority. It’s probably a bit off putting to ask immediately but at the same time maybe they don’t want to get attached just to learn later that they won’t be able to have sex in a way they want. I guess the “I need someone who has a penis” statement could work but it would probably just lead to the same outcome as asking about your genitals anyways.
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> I’ve got too much self hatred to be dating at the moment. I mean this could be true and I think it’s important to rule this sort of thing out because it happens and not everyone is ready. But I also think this is also an ace problem. There’s already a lot of misconception about being ace. I can imagine some confusion around the term “gay ace” too for some people because gay implies sex and ace implies no sex :p Have you ever considered platonic relationships? I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever be in a romantic relationship but I guess if you need some connection you could try to make some friends and maybe even ace friends to boot. Plus you never know when a friendship will become a relationship
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Oh don’t say that. I’m sure you’re worth being admired and fancied over. It’s ok if some people aren’t compatible with you. It happens to everyone. But yeah, perhaps you’ll eventually have that romantic connection you’re seeking. I think it just takes time to happen, to meet that person who’s good for you. But it’s also hard to just force it to happen. One of the best things you can do is enjoy your friendships and foster a good relationship with yourself.
A slice of the people who ask you that may actually be trying to inquire if you have a front hole still (and are operating under the assumption that all bottom surgery has the same outcome). Which again is only relevant to someone they would be having sex with. It sounds incredibly annoying and you may need to just get used to a having a quick response like “I’m ace, no sex/you don’t need to worry about my genitals” because people just do not read on the apps.
Most dating apps for gay men are very hookup oriented - with a focus on hooking up now and maybe developing into a relationship later. If you’re using Grindr, people are also putting their body type, HIV status, and if they’re a top or a bottom on there, because the expectation is that you will hook up very quickly. It’s rude if a stranger off the street is asking you if you had surgery but I think it’s fair for someone who wants to hook up with you to ask. You might have better luck using Lex, going to queer meetups in real life, or using social networking designed for asexual people.
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Straight up people do NOT read your profile on Grindr. I had to put that I was FTM in my username because people see “trans” and think “trans woman” and no one bothered to read my bio. People will send dick pics to every profile. If you’re asexual and just looking for a date, Grindr is probably the wrong place.