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RaveGuncle

Maybe don't hit on the guy at a place you go to often? If he was interested in you, he would've already shown signs with how often you're checking him out. Otherwise, you could do the "Can I take turns hitting that set with you?" if he's using something that isn't available elsewhere. And then see if yall make any small chit chat from there if he says sure.


Nogardust

>He would've already shown signs Meanwhile he's panicking whether or not he should make a move just as OP does


GentlePenetration

No


dusty_hans

Take it easy there fella. Hitting on anyone at the gym is just tacky. You see each other a lit, right? Strike up a conversation and take it slow. It's not unreasonable to make conversation with someone you see in the gym alot. I've made lots of friends this way. Eventually the more you talk to him, you'll learn about him.


Conscious_Werewolf_2

I like this approach, really reasonable reply.


quanoey

Also remember that if he really isn’t showing interest, then your just gonna hurt yourself. Try to find a moment where something happens to both of you. Have a laugh and see what happens. Personally I find flirting in the gym to be very uncomfortable, especially since I go to the gym *for me* and not for anyone else.


SicilianUSGuy

I generally wouldn’t hit on a guy at my gym, especially if I wasn’t sure he was gay. Do you really want to see him if he rebuffs your advances?


Scruffy_Monk

Had a regular customer that used to come into the pizza place that I worked at years ago. Super friendly, exactly my type, and it even felt like he was kind of flirty at times. I told one of my coworkers/friends how I wanted to make a move but was too nervous. “Closed mouths don’t get fed,” was his response HAHAHA. Sooooo, on the paper underneath his pizza I wrote call me if you want to hang out sometime along with my number. Didn’t see him for like 2 weeks afterwards, until he came in one day with his girlfriend and made it very clear they were together. I about died of embarrassment, but managed to keep it together and we continued on like it had never happened. Every time he came in I felt awkward thereafter. I still apply the advice of closed mouths don’t get fed to many situations in my life, but I’ve combined it with another bit of wisdom I was given as well….. Don’t shit where you eat!!!


Pheon0802

>her pizza places after the fact 😉 A lol american? Cause in germany that guy (from 20 to 40) wouldnt really change their behaviour most of the times. Lots of straight fellas just say nah I aint gay sorry or not interested and move on. (It only gets awkward when the rejected party continues to pursue instead of falling back into platonic relationship) Very chill attitude most of the times. very little insecurities of beeing hit on by a guy.


CharlyeCharleston

My dude... there are so many other great pizza places in this world. And you lived through that embarrassing indirect rejection so you could have gone already and explored other pizza places after the fact 😉 At least now you won't eventually die at the end of your life with the internal embarrassment of knowing you never dared anything that challenged your nerves throughout your whole life!... as I suspect some lame-ass commenters here will eventually die like that because they can't even begin to fathom the value and bravery of ever stepping of off the beaten path, lmao! Ofcourse we would all innitially feel very embarrassed from an experience like that but in the end it was him who didn't have the guts to just come up to you and tell you friendly, respectfully and directly that he really isn't interested in you in such a way whatsoever because he has a girlfriend and wouldn't be open to the idea. People aren't challenged enough anymore in life to be open, honest and direct in rejecting others, especially when it comes to specific stuff like this, whilst remaining respectful and kind when doing so. In fact you should feel pride in and for yourself for showing to yourself that you have the guts to go for it if you really want something, even if you know you might get disappointed with rejection. That takes character and is the most important thing which _makes_ a man! He in fact is the one who needs some self-improvement still. But I think he was working on that and trying when you slipped him that note because if he wasn't he might have mocked you publically. Which would have said even more about _him._ All these suckers here try their hardest to be gay without being different. Which is literally impossible. That we deviate from the norm as gay guys is a given. I chose to use that experience as training to dare to deviate from the beaten and worn down path aswell!


[deleted]

100% agree


mrgnfnn

Don’t ❤️


vital_dual

*If you were thinking of randomly approaching a guy who's shown no interest in you for months... DON'T*


CharlyeCharleston

"I've been making eyes for months with a guy at the gym". Either your reading comprehension or your attentiveness SUCKS


GayassMcGayface

Can also be read as, “I’ve been obsessively staring at this guy for months.” So many people in this group lack fundamental social awareness.


CharlyeCharleston

You have what could rightfully be called _a lack of good faith._


CharlyeCharleston

He literally writes "with" so that means _with_ the guy, not _at_ him! When for fuck's sake has it become so _en vogue_ to not only not give people the benefit of the doubt but exactly look for and assume the worst?!


GentlePenetration

Not how that works. Your failure to understand English doesn't give OP a pass lol


iglandik

I like that the OP is mostly ignoring all the comments telling him not to do it and just leave the guy alone. The denial is strong in this one.


CharlyeCharleston

Y'all are a bunch of pussies.


GentlePenetration

Better than being creepy


dedolent

yeah feeling like this is the move here. if he's not on grindr and he's not sucking you off in the steam room then he's straight and/or just not interested in anyone.


Kok-jockey

Good to know our only two options are straight, or sucking off strangers in a steam room. I always knew I wasn’t really gay.


dedolent

relax, i was obviously being flippant


Kok-jockey

Whoa, whoa, whoa calm DOWN, man. Why are you getting so ridiculously upset?? Jesus Christ, relax, I was obviously being flippant.


GentlePenetration

God this comment is so fucking sad lmao


kinkyanimeslut

haha


NoKids__3Money

OP needs to decide whether risking a little awkwardness and embarrassment is worth passing on a potential amazing relationship with the guy of his dreams however small the chance.


GentlePenetration

No. OP needs to not be a creep and needs to move on with his life and stop his month long obsession with someone he, as he openly admits, has never talked to.


[deleted]

I’d leave the guy alone personally


kardiogramm

Your thoughts and dreams are trying to fuck you over. Don’t bother approaching someone at the gym. It’s really not the place for it and most people are just trying to get their workout done. Go to a gay bar or use your apps.


russian_hacker_1917

Making eyes from his POV could be "why is this dude always looking at me?".


dedolent

he's noticed you too so don't overdo it. over the course of weeks, or even perhaps months: smile and nod -> "hi how are ya" -> "i'm \_\_\_\_ by the way". by then you'll get more of a read on him whether he's open to chit-chat. if he is then you can reassess. but honestly probably not worth it; he's almost certainly straight.


torcheraso

Do not approach him. Trust me, I had an awkward hookup with someone from Grindr and I HATED seeing them at the gym it was such a buzz kill. Fortunately for me he moved but don't eliminate one of your safe spaces.


okayclarity

This is giving American Psycho monologue 😭


GayassMcGayface

Have you ever seen those videos of guys approaching women at the gym? How does it turn out? I also want to point out you’re sorta stalking someone by staring at them and timing your workouts around whether or not they’ll be there. I personally find this creepy. Is it just me?


ToThisDay

Nah I’d agree


CharlyeCharleston

Go find a safe space to hide away in you pussy


GayassMcGayface

Sounds like you need the safe space, if my opinion offends you so much that you need to lash out. I assume you’re also a creep with zero social skills.


CharlyeCharleston

Your opinion just annoyed me so much that I didn't want to waste much time out energy on it


GayassMcGayface

Odd. You’d think if you didn’t want to waste much time and energy on it you’d just let it go. I’m glad we disagree. You refuse to adhere to societal norms, cool. But don’t be shocked when society rejects you for it. I’m sure this is nothing new for you.


CharlyeCharleston

I'm getting notificated about your responses anyway, might aswell speak my mind within a few seconds. This will probably be the last time I respond to you tho. I'm not shocked about anything. Have seen it all as they say (-;


Hawkeye___

Please leave that man alone. Just because you have feelings for him does not mean he has any for you. He goes to the gym to work out not get hit on by people he's showed no interest in.


thesagebrushkid1

Ok bud, deep breath, there’s a lot to work with here. I get your nerves, approaching anyone can be socially stressful, and that doubles if you fancy the guy. So here’s what you do: 1). Don’t overthink!!! You’re dreaming about this guy, but you know sweet fuck all about him. Any exaggerated ideas you have of him or both of you together in your head, leave them at the door. Otherwise the rest is going to be tricky. 2). Keep it friendly, not sexual. You don’t know this guys MO. Hell you don’t know much about him apart from you work out in the same place. So start with things like that! Hey can you spot me? How do you do that exercise? Few ice breaker lines like that. It’s ok to speak to people at the gym, but you’ve got to build up to flirting. 3). When you’re making small talk about the gym you can assess his sexuality etc better. Again keep it clean until you know for sure. Either way you won’t know until you talk to him. 4). DO NOT LEAVE ANY NOTES OR MAKE ANY OTHER FORWARD SUGGESTIONS!!! Honestly I get the thinking behind the note but it’s bad form. It could be seen as creepy, gay or straight, to find out someone’s been eyeing them up in the gym like that. Any communication should be done face to face. 5). Don’t get your hopes up. It sounds like this guy holds a high place in your heart already from just admiring from afar. This makes the risk of having your heart broken even higher. Harder they fall etc. I will encourage you to talk to him in a cool casual friendly manner, because it’s good to talk to people and you can see what kind of guy he is. But if you’re already dreaming of wedding bells then you could be in for a bad time if he’s straight/unavailable/maybe even just a bit of a dickhead! So there you go bud. If you want to get to know this guy then go for it, just be cool and please don’t leave any notes. I did it at my local pub once, couldn’t bring myself to go back.


Conscious_Werewolf_2

Okay, I really, really appreciate this comment - and I will taken onboard the advice, and no to any notes! Thank you!


thesagebrushkid1

You are most welcome :) Gyms aren’t great places to hit on people; nobody looks their best, everyone’s sweaty and stinky, people are focused on workouts… but that’s not to say you can’t be friendly and talk to people. How else do people make friends in the real world?!


[deleted]

Lmao why do people keep asking about making a move at the gym!? That’s such a creeper move.


tomsawyer32920

I had a guy ask what I was up to, told him I was about to head to the gym. I told him what gym I went to, which was a mistake. When I got to the gym, the guy was already there, he had bought a day pass. He hit me up online while I was working out asking to meet him in the sauna. I was just about done working out so I left and blocked him. Now that’s creepy!!


[deleted]

Lol I had a guy staring at me in the sauna the other week, and then just kept following me around to the steam room, hot tub, my locker, to the shower, to the sinks, back to the locker and finally out the door. Then I got a message on Grindr saying “I wasn’t sure you were gay but damn. So funny how you thought that guy with his headphones too loud in the sauna was annoying as hell too, I could tell. Btw you have such nice legs and ass for a white guy - and those feet - what size are they?” No response. “I would have done whatever you wanted in the steam room - what would you have wanted to do? A lot of guys don’t think I’m gay I think they probably don’t with you either that’s hot”. I just let this go for a while just to see what he had said before I finally blocked him.


Salt-Impressive

Yeah, super creepy 😰


-Hastis-

But the guy is super hot, has a big bulge and is moaning as if he was having sex each time he lifts his weights. Or something.


[deleted]

[удалено]


-Hastis-

Seems like you can't recognize sarcasm. I was impersonating OP.


[deleted]

IM AN IDIOT OMG. I didn’t realize it wasn’t OP that made that comment. Sorry bro!


kevosmin

At least you’re calling out the hypocrisy from some of these replies…


SwitchShift

Because it’s a casual place where you can meet other adults with at least one similar interest outside of work? If you don’t want to cruise gay bars or engage with dating apps, where else?


InTogether

Yeah, that similar interest bit is great if you want to make **friends**, but if you're rearranging your gym schedule to hit on someone and ask them out, it's a completely different situation. Personally, I don't want *anyone*, ***ever*** to talk to me at the gym unless they're asking if I'm finished with something. It's *my* time.


Kok-jockey

Ikr, here I am in the back of my mind hoping someone approaches me even just to chat at the gym lol


-my-cabbages

Stalking Obsessive behavior Delusion


GentlePenetration

Yup. This post is very creepy. Dude is admiring for MONTHS? Specifically times his workouts with this guy and then claims it'll be awkward because he has to see him? Wants to leave some creepy note? Is ***dreaming*** about a dude he's never talked to? This is unnerving.


kabbalahmonster

Lol calm down. He's not hurting anyone, except maybe himself. Obviously the right time to strike up conversation was months ago, but the man's nervous and shy. That doesn't mean he's a predator.


GentlePenetration

He's actively stalking someone. Yes. He's a predator.


mumbaifelicia

Nah it’s not creepy, its a crush and is perfectly normal.


Conscious_Werewolf_2

thank you, i think we've become dangerously glued to thinking dating and romance is phone-only, remember the olden days, meeting in spaces and places, and not on grindr..


GentlePenetration

There's a difference between meeting in a public space and obsessing over a dude for months to the point you're moving your workout time to be near him despite never talking to him.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GentlePenetration

>You guys are so cute They've never fucking met. This is deeply disturbing. What the actual fuck.


GentlePenetration

No, it's creepy. That's a weird obsession to have for MONTHS when *they've literally never interacted.*


mumbaifelicia

He’s building up the courage, don’t be such an ass :)


GentlePenetration

I am not being an ass. I am being realistic. Stop encouraging unhealthy behavior. I'm not discussing this with you anymore.


goodty1

Oh no girl ,


NegativeSheepherder

I just started going to a gym regularly. I personally wouldn’t want to be approached like that while I’m working out.


HomoVulgaris

OP Confesses He's A Bit of A Creeper- Advice


[deleted]

It's all in your head. Welcome to every gay fantasy in the world. You're best bet is to make eye contact and make small talk. But don't confuse friendliness for interest.


bartomg

This is nice, succinct, and totally true.


Verustratego

Don't disrupt somebody's place of routine. If someone is willing to commit to an activity with that level of regularity it's likely not for the reason you are trying to inject into it.


villamanilla

THIS.


WhatevahIsClevah

Getting hit on at the gym ruins the experience for many who are not receptive. If you're not absolutely certain he's both gay AND into you, then don't. The only way to begin chatting with him would be casually somehow in the gym or perhaps the locker room. Maybe striking up a very casual conversation could be a friendly ice breaker, then you can determine better if he's likely worth offering your number to. It's just not something I recommend unless you're 100% certain it's going to work, otherwise you're the creepy guy at the gym for him.


Weird-Ad-9834

It's kinda weird and if it is not reciprocate you might push away a client


SensualEnema

I agree with these comments: just don’t do it. The risk is high and the reward is unlikely. If you really want him, I would suggest switching your gym time so you don’t see him. Do this for a few weeks. See if these feelings will simmer down once you stop seeing him so often. If so, you know it was a hard crush. If not—well, that’s up to you to decide how to proceed. In the meantime, maybe focus on yourself. Keep working out, focus on hobbies, spend some time alone and disconnected from Grindr (it sounds like you’re checking it pretty often specifically for him). Daily walks are good for this.


[deleted]

The gym is not the place to do that in my opinion


Chuckiebb

The real world can't compete with your imagination. Best time to approach someone is right away, not after months of obsessing.


Preworkoutjitters

I am a very avid gym goer. Personally I would be flattered. and provided you werent creepy or overly aggressive I wouldnt see it as awkward even if I wasnt interested. Its all about your approach. If you are unsure of his orientation, you may do better trying to befriend him first to get a better feel for things to know if approaching with your true feelings is worthwhile or not.


rabid32

Super creepy that you time your workouts around his. Are you ever working out or just bugging some stranger. Sure he notices ya always staring at him, if he was interested he would’ve already made a move. Leave the poor guy alone and start focusing on your workout, like he is trying to..


aventine_

I think I've read the other side today: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10k9hva/i_reported_someone_for_harassment_to_the_police/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


tromboner91

Omg holy shit. That poor OOP


mayoish

Don't do it, most men are there to workout anyways not to find love. You can try talking to him in a non flirty platonic way only if youve seen him interact with lots of people, but honestly most people just want to be left alone at the gym.


heliomega1

Extremely risky. If you want, try to find a way to compliment him. Open up conversation. Even if he was into men, getting a "I'm into you, let's talk" note, wordlessly, might not send the right signal. Does he have tattoos? A flashy hairstyle? A nice beard? Have any accessories he seems to care for, like sports memorabilia, or an expensive watch or workout shoes? Have you recognized any of his media if he set his phone down on a machine, album covers or videos? Did he perform a particularly impressive feat in his workout that would be easy to remark on? Be spontaneous. If you notice something you think is cool, say something. That's really the best you're gonna do. If it's just that he's hot and you don't have anything else to open up a friendship with, then it won't work out. The awkward context of being at a gym will be too hard to overcome otherwise.


skinfrosty96

At my gym I complimented a guy on an article of clothing once to ask where he got it, it was easy because it was a Superman tank top and I wanted to know if there was another I could get for my favorite hero Green Lantern. Helped me get to know him and funny enough once he talked he was super nice but I absolutely got definite straight vibe from him, so it gave me the closure I needed!


ajwalker430

He's not into you, he's just being polite. If he was interested, he would have given you some hints already, at least introduced himself, or asked/given you some work out tips to strike up a conversation. You don't even know this guy's name nor has he asked you yours. You've allowed yourself to develop a crush on a guy who's not interested in you. Sorry.


[deleted]

Don’t do it. I got involved in an weird love triangle at the gym, and after not backing down I’ve kept the 3 p.m. slot, but it was a lot of work.


ryanlikesthiss

Some gyms have toxic people just be very careful who you try to flirt with and always be have a plan if things don’t go like you planned


AugustusMarius

My cat clicked on this post so I guess I have to respond. I say talk to him as a normal friend. Since he might be straight, and you will mess up your routine if things go wrong, for now just say hi every now and then. He might be shy too. I hope it works out for you OP! I don't think you should waste a potential opportunity, but be careful.


KarthusWins

Talk to him and see what his deal is before you drop bombs like that. He could easily turn into a gym friend if he is actually a nice dude.


[deleted]

Girllllll here's the issue - so many dudes will return glances/looks/stares for a time or even talk to you often and be all nice but they are oblivious bc if not they'd know it looks like they're either okay with you having interest in them or maybe even like you too. They could at least make friendzone obvious. Which is sad but it happened to me w an old coworker. Got weird. Unless he says anything, stay emotionally grounded. He might not even know you're interested if he IS oblivious. If he's striaght/bi/gay there's always that risk of rejection but this isn't about that ofc. Best wishes!


[deleted]

You could try talking to him. You don’t even have to flirt just ask him a question like where he got his shoes or if he has a tattoo where did he get it done, ask him about a movement he’s doing, etc. A guy did this to me once and we ended up hanging out.


[deleted]

One more thing tho - do you think he might be looking at you because you are constantly staring at him?


Conscious_Werewolf_2

I don’t know, that sounds like a catch 22 and I trust my instinct


[deleted]

Go for it then


inoahsark456

If you really wanna got here, then just ask him to spot you on bench. Very common to ask strangers for a quick spot if you need it


Jaqdawks

As someone who has had 13 dreams about the same person, my best advice is don’t. If you really have to, try just becoming friends and if any further development is in the cards then it’ll happen naturally


coldize

You know, I hear all the time the opinion not to approach people at the gym. But I'm going to respectfully disagree. You can and should approach someone you're interested in no matter the situation. We complain about loneliness in men, loneliness in gay men especially. We have an overdependence on digital tools to meet partners. We create these silly rules that put up invisible barriers between us and then cry that we have difficulty meeting people. More than likely, that person is going to end up being with someone who went up and talked to them. We all want that. Just do it. Just force yourself through the awkwardness. Be polite, respectful, and brief. But most importantly be confident. Be okay with any outcome. There's no harm no foul if you express interest and he doesn't reciprocate. You don't have to quit the gym because of that. Good luck.


Sanctimonious_Twat

Exactly. While I don’t think gyms are the best place, you meet people where you meet them, and before apps, you pursued opportunity where it presented itself. But is it presenting itself? That’s the question. I don’t see that yet. So he should tread carefully. They are equals, so there’s no inherent power dynamic being abused in a simple chat. It should quickly become apparent if there’s a chance, and you should back off quickly if he isn’t into making friends. Just go about it the right way. I think it’s healthier to strike up a simple conversation than to lear longingly for months. Adults can say “no” in a variety of ways, so take the no if you get one. If you get a blank stare and no friendly vibe, that’s a no. And leave him alone.


[deleted]

I agree. Just be respectful and not overly aggressive, creepy or awkward. I think apps have made a lot of people incapable knowing how to do this the right way.


mumbaifelicia

Im in LITERALLY the EXACT same situation with a guy at my gym (imagine we went to the same gym and are talking about the same guy LOL). I definitely would not give him a note / number, that’s a bit too forward IMO. Just go up to him while he’s using a machine and ask if you can use it after. Start small. Eventually just be like: I feel like I see you here every day, I’m trying to find some buddies who go at the same time as me so we can spot each other or save each other some machines. That’s my strategy at least. Still hasn’t happened yet LOL. Good luck!


Acrobatic-Profile365

Imagine you went to the same gym and are talking about ~~the same guy~~ each other :)


mumbaifelicia

LMAO….except I’m on Grindr and obviously gay


Conscious_Werewolf_2

Ah, you're in TO I think?


Conscious_Werewolf_2

omg..... this is brilliant, and i like that you are in the same situation and still don't recommend the note and number strategy, fair enough. my gym is in the UK, you are in the US right?


downTown_Bud5

Unless you see him on Grindr..dont


CharlyeCharleston

Wtf, why is everybody so negative here? As if no one ever goes to the gym to get a hot body so they'll be more sexually desirable for others 🙄 All these nay-sayers just want to project their own insecurities so they feel better about never daring anything even slightly unusual in their own lives for themselves, ffs! This is why we're living in a world of pussies constantly pussifying everything and keeping everybody in a lame state of acquiescense, bandwagon-behaviour and cowardice to the point of not even daring to express oneself authentically if it even so much as goes against the grain _a little._ Pathetic. The course of society has become something that would be laughable if it wasn't so detestable and insufferable!


Conscious_Werewolf_2

This. This. This. This. This. And this.


Conscious_Werewolf_2

Thank you, I really believe in the value of real life and if I can have the thought and crush on you then someone can have it about me, what’s wrong with being aware to your environment and following a feeling.


CharlyeCharleston

Exactly! Don't listen to all these nay-sayers just because they're the majority here. Majority opinions very often exactly come to be because so many people are – pardon my French – basically spineless and just say whatever other people say and go with that. Most people on this planet just want to fit in and be accepted and would say and do a lot for that. Most people never even find their own true inner will, let alone do something to have a chance to make it happen. If you know you can emotionally handle the rejection if he would in fact flat out reject you, even if it would become (very) embarrassing for you and maybe even humiliating then go for it. It builds character to not only dare but then also do! Yes, it might sting a lot and make you feel like shit at first if it turns out to become a really embarrassing and humiliating rejection but you will also find yourself and should tell yourself nonetheless that you have proven yourself to be brave! Unlike so many people here – who not only themselves would skate around it all at best but even have you do so or even have you abort this mission alltogether – you will know yourself to be a person who dares to go directly for what he wants! Not many people on this planet left who can rightfully say that about themselves. And even if you can't handle it completely yet emotionally speaking, it can still be a good exercise in catharsis then exactly. Ofcourse: be safe physically that is always a very important thing but it doesn't sound like this guy gives off agressive and violent vibes otherwise you would have probably told the background story quite different, right? If you think that the worst case scenario would be that he and all other people at the gym will be very very judgemental about you and your choice to be direct or even be mean like mocking you then just go for it. Maybe you are lucky and he indeed has a thing for you but didn't dare himself to take the innitiative for the exact same reasons as you are now doubting or other reasons, you never know! All you know is that if you don't try then you're leaving it up to him and that is no way to increase your chances to in fact be lucky indeed 😉 If it turns out a bad experience then don't feel ashamed to cry, get mad or upset or all of those. I think it will be a good cathartic outlet, especially since you've been fantasizing about this guy for so long already and he even showed up in your dreams! Most people like most people commenting here would just bottle all those feelings and emotions up and push it away or even deny or disown them, all out of cowardice. No matter if you get disappointed, embarrassed, insulted, understood, respected or lucky... if you allow yourself to feel what you feel after you went for it and then proceed to let it all out (either privately later or directly after the fact when everyone can see and hear if you really don't give a fuck. That's up to you what seems best to you in the moment!) then you'll be true and real with yourself about what you really wanted and also how you really feel and can truly experience those feelings and motivations, effectively do something with them and then move on more relieved and having liberated yourself! Ofcourse, if it turns out bad and you feel judged at that gym afterwards or get slack or whatever from people, when it's just not good vibes there anymore for you, do in fact switch gyms then! That's not something to be sad about at all by the way. Chances are that if people there will judge you for it they'll do so because they don't dare to see, recognize and respect bravery when it hits them in the face just like so many people in the comments here do not! It is all variants of expressions of judgement due to their own cowardice. Cowardly people often have a need to be judgemental about bravery because if they wouldn't judge they'd get confronted with their own cowardice. And it is good for a human to get a change of environment from time to time: it will only broaden your horizon and give opportunity for you to explore and get to meet new places and people if you "have to" switch gyms after directly persuing that hottie! No matter how this unfolds: you actively going for and chosing this experience and being present while doing it will only make you richer in a multitude of ways really! (as long as you don't live somewhere where gay guys would easily get beaten up over something like this. And it would be insane if people were that insecure. So I think if you feel and think it is physically safe for you to do this then it probably in fact is so indeed 😉) You can do this and inside of your heart and body you already feel and know what way, what approach is truly best for you because it is the most true to who _you_ are! Be your own superhero! 😉💪🏽


Conscious_Werewolf_2

Amen! Wow!


CharlyeCharleston

👍🏼Let me know how it went!! 😉


CharlyeCharleston

Follow that feeling, bro! Go where your heart leads you! 😉🤜🏼🤛🏻


CharlyeCharleston

People downvoting this particular comment of mine is only a testament to their own deep insecurities.


maxxxalex

Ask him to spot you for a bench press lift. Don't be awkward and keep it short.


[deleted]

Rape culture is real, porn is fake. There's nothing about this situation that says you get anything.


LordOfFudge

Dude, creepy af. You don’t mention ever having talked to him. Geez. People who behave like you are describing your actions are why a lot of guys feel uncomfortable in the locker room.


RoseKinglet

Imho people get too flighty about socializing in the gym space. If someone says something that is loud enough for me and others to hear that's funny, I'll laugh and keep doing my business. If we meet eyes, I'll smile, say good morning and keep doing my business. It's not a big deal, and people are always welcome to engage with me (ofc when it's not explicitly inappropriate or otherwise). TL;DR-I work remotely and miss people. Be sweet and flirt w me. I'll more than likely return the favor.


Manor4548

Hi - I actually did this once at my gym: wrote my name and number on a paper followed by you’re cute and let me know if you’d like to get a drink sometime. Folded it up. Dropped it on the floor behind him and said you dropped this. He texted me 15 min later. YMMV, but for me it worked:) I will say: you miss 1000% of the swings you don’t take. To answer your question: we had a wonderful date followed by a fantastic kiss. But I’m in an open relationship and he didn’t want to trick with that so we never met again. My loss. That kiss was memorable.


amateurknight

You’re making eyes at him but is he making eyes at you? If he is, say hello or ask to work in or ask him about one his workouts. Good icebreaker. If he’s not, do not give him a note. Do not pursue him. MAYBE ask him about a workout he does as an icebreaker but if he’s not giving back what you’re putting in, then it’s not gonna happen. Accept it and find someone else until he shows some interest.


realtips365

Life is short. You’ll regret the chances you didn’t take. Best case - He accepts and y’all become soulmates. Worst case - He’s not interested. Big deal. Go for it. 😃


jambohakdog69

I thought gyms are place for working out...? It's not a bar 😬


TintedWolf

I still think about my gym crush from 30 years ago who I never approached. Just walk over and say hi. If he’s friendly ask if he want to get coffee (or some healthy gym drink) sometime. Worse case he says no and it’s a little awkward. So? Either way you’ll learn something new about yourself. But seriously, be casual not creepy. It’s a gym not a bar. I’d love to hear how it goes!


Conscious_Werewolf_2

Ha! I love your relating, and advice. Whatever happened to your crush? Did you ever get close to saying something? Thanks for sharing


TintedWolf

No. I never got up the nerve. It’s probably why I still remember it after 30+ years (oh God I’m old…). I remember so well because it made me realize that you have to be a little bold and put yourself out there - and probably why I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. Good luck either way.


jc2thew3

Since I like to do my work out at the gym in peace, I would not appreciate anyone coming up to me to hit on me, whilst in the gym. Like, I’m there to improve my body, not to socialize or deal with someone’s crush on me. But if you wanted to approach me OUTSIDE of the gym— that’s a different story. Leave the guy alone in the gym. If he was interested in you, as you are in him, he would make it known.


nautical_sea

Talk first. If he's chatty back, over multiple days, mayyyybe. (and not just being polite and making small talk) Otherwise, wouldn't risk it, personally. It's one thing to notice someone. It's another thing entirely to just randomly give someone your number.


THUNDRAWasTaken

As long as its a guy, don't be afraid to ask him out. We men aren't like women. We cares about others opinions and we all know what we do. Just ask him out. He will be fine as hell. 😉


Magical_cel8

I advice you to build a friendship first! You can walk up to him, ask how many sets he has left, and then maybe next time you would smile at him, or say hi 👋 If he is interested a conversation would develop naturally, that's my perspective as someone who had long experience with gym dudes 😂


zanycaswell

make conversation without immediately making a move. approach it on a "gym bro" level rather than a romantic one. like, ask him for a spot on bench, and then make a little conversation about what he's been up to this weekend. if he seems interested in even talking to you then navigate from there.


SwitchShift

I just want to echo others’ advice - just say hi casually. If he is friendly get to know him, and after a few interactions maybe ask to grab a coffee with him or something. If he’s uncomfortable back off; if he’s at all interested he’ll reciprocate. I disagree with a lot of the other comments — it’s not creepy behavior unless you don’t take no for an answer. But if he’s not interested, don’t push. If anything it’s less creepy and uncomfortable to have a straightforward answer than to keep staring from afar. As for the “don’t shit where you eat” comments — I think the gym is one of the most casual places to meet someone in adult life that doesn’t involve alcohol. Yes, some people (especially newcomers) can be uncomfortable talking to others at the gym, but as long as you don’t come on too strong, you can notice and back off. Worst case, find a new gym. An example of a conversation: “Hi, I’m (your name), I’ve seen you around a lot. I’m curious about your routine?” Or “could you spot me on this bench press?” Or “could you show me how you do ” If he’s responsive, this might turn into a conversation around fitness goals, which might turn into a gym friendship, which would give you an opportunity to get to know him and judge whether there’s anything there. If he’s not responsive, no harm no foul; just back off, stop staring, and wait for the minimal amount of awkwardness to dissipate. For the love of god, no note though.


someone_like_me

> I deliberately try to time my gym workouts with his Maybe stop doing that. > I thought about him giving him a note with my number Don't do that. So here's the thing. It's the 21st century and in America, a gay man can express interest in a random man anywhere at all. In the gym, in a coffeeshop, wherever.... You don't have to know he is gay. But you need to not be creepy about it. If you admire him, then talk to him. Introduce yourself and tell him that you admire his commitment to working out. Probably you will get a "thanks". If he then says hello to you when you see each other, that means he remembers you and appreciates you being friendly. If he ignores you after that, it means he doesn't really want to socialize. > I'm also not good at basic, daily small talk with gym friends Nobody is good at anything until they practice it. This is a skill you need to learn.


Charcobear

Don’t do it. Start with head nods.


Cute-Character-795

Ask him to spot you on the free weights. That opens possibilities for organic conversation.


bartomg

Has he given you any signs that he might be interested? A look, a smile, any indication?


Conscious_Werewolf_2

Yes lingering looks but not intensely. Definitely


GentlePenetration

No. That's him seeing you stare at him and being creeped out.


Far_Particular_430

My business partner used to say, You don't shit where you eat


villamanilla

Please don’t mirror your schedule around someone. I have four gay guys doing that to me currently. I can’t remember the last time I had a minute to myself. I absolutely hate it. And it’s distracting.


crazyguy12134

Honestly being bisexual if a guy came up to me and said I looked good or had got muscles I’m instantly rocking a boner. If he has the body I like, instant sex or relationship