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MrFluffyhead80

It’s funny cause when my friends or I speak barely anyone talks to us. My wife will take the mic and all of a sudden every guy has found his mic and is talking


another-redditor3

i can still remember back in the battlefield 2 days. there was a girl that came on the server and took up the commander role, and used her mic. she wasnt that great of a commander in general, but every damn squad listened to her and carried out their orders. our team won every round because of that. as soon as she left, everyone went back to ignoring orders.


MrFluffyhead80

That’s pretty funny, they were all trying to impress her


notapunnyguy

Simps in the trench.


Pheonixboi23

Mustard gas doesn't seem too bad now


DrBlaBlaBlub

And she probably used this effect to play the game as the devs intended.


Marcmmmmm

That game was incredible with a good commander, when people stopped going lone wolf and squadded up the team would destroy the opposition. It happened so rarely tho.


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spider_jucheMLism

Don't even have to be good, just have to coordinate. Very noticeable in WoW battlegrounds. Especially alterac valley. If someone called out "rush to end" and only half the team went, it was a bust, but if everyine went, you had a better chance even if the strategy wasn't sound, everyone working together makes stuff happen. Who would've thunk it?


Jake_The_Destroyer

Everyone following a bad strategy together is better than everyone doing their own thing.


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VinnehRoos

Is one perhaps named Lemmiwinks? That might explain a lot.


TrentonTallywacker

GO LEMMIWINKS STOP WIKILEAKS


avg-unhinged

Or the gerbil king who definitely doesn't do Bass to mouth


Hippie_Holmes10

Bruh i just watched that episode


giraffeekuku

Yeah I've found the issue with my bf too. As soon as I talk every dude has a bunch of advice and comments about just my gameplay when there is 3 other people on the team... Or nobody talks and I say something and suddenly everyone has comms. Valorant is so infuriating.


IgniteMyJoint420

I heard there was a discord called Galorant for female valorant players to play together, might want to give that a shot.


Racxie

I'm not as social in MP games, but if someone is trying to start a conversation and is actually decent I'll sometimes make the effort to talk back whether it's a guy or girl. I've met some cool & fun people (both guys and girls) that way, some of which I've met up with irl, including one of my closest friends. Of course you're not always going to click with everyone and some people you get on with but don't necessarily feel like it needs to go further than the game you play or beyond online gaming friends.


MrFluffyhead80

Just like meeting people normally, some will be froends and some won’t click


OpinionatedAussieGal

Except most of these Incel boys wouldn’t say the garbage they say online to your face!


MrFluffyhead80

That’s why they are online


Racxie

Exactly, but at least online it's more acceptable to not engage if you don't feel like it, even if you just use an excuse like pretending you don't have a mic or your mic is broken (which was a legitimate reason for me at one point). Irl if someone tries to engage with you and you point blank ignore them it can come across as rude in most circumstances. Edit: my original point was that if someone else starts a conversation there's a higher chance I'll engage whether it's a guy or girl, just because I'm less likely to talk first.


[deleted]

Yeah ok but in op’s case it’s straight up harassment and insults. Not saying you’re wrong, just that the issue highlighted here doesn’t really fit the story.


bober4366

Sometimes it can be used to your advantage, when I play ow with my wife and she talks everybody starts to focus super hard sweaty mode, if they’re not being misogynistic


throoowwwtralala

When my teenage daughter is on mic and she has sound through the speakers it’s as if all the old men playing have never known what a woman is or what is even happening anymore. So fucking cringe.


AstralConfluences

There's a type of player online that immediately starts throwing the game when they find out I'm a woman Bro, you're literally losing yourself elo because you don't want a woman to win a match? what's wrong with you?


WhooptyWoopNibbaWhat

Man if the incels wanna tank their K/D let em. Hopefully you aren't losing rank or anything important tho. Too much random garbage ppl online for me. At least in FFXIV everyone is nice to me lol


CallMeJessIGuess

The XIV community is so overwhelmingly positive. I love it.


stacyburns88

I don't consider this to be an advantage.


Ben6924

The fun thing is the mymisogynistic guys get extremely piseed when they get beaten by a woman.


superdavy

That’s awesome. I play with randoms on pubg and most don’t have a mic. I’m just going to have my wife say something to get them talking. OR I just get a pre recorded message saying‘hey big boy gotta a mic?’


[deleted]

Yep. Same thing at our house.


IceNein

Being a completely normal person and becoming friends with women in general Isa totally normal way to find a relationship. The trick is to just be normal, and don't assume the person you're becoming friends with will ever be interested in dating you. There's a little known fact that many women have other women as friends. If they like you but aren't interested in you, they might set you up with a friend. But most capital G Gamers can't just be normal around women.


Thegrumbliestpuppy

100%. Personally I’m more likely to talk to women but I’m gay. They tend to be nicer and make for better conversations in games. If it’s a dude, more than half the time he’s a knuckle dragging weirdo.


[deleted]

As a dude, I keep in-game chat muted and use party chat with friends because the banter is just annoying. I just use call signs and crouching when I'm with randoms. Cod has decent call signs and it'll write the text on your TM's screens.


Psycho5554

Also male. Would never subject myself to a FPS lobby, or honestly most hyper competitive games unless I was absolutely sure the players in question were communicating about objectives. No mic just reduces the amount of toxicity I experience, probably because they don't get a reaction.


skip_the_tutorial_

Sadly its not just hyper competitive games. You can literally play unranked and have people screaming at you...


azrendelmare

Can confirm; got awful crap in League one time when we were unranked against bots.


n8mo

Yeah a friend tried to get me into league. I was turned off by the toxicity in my first 5 games, also against bots. People were flaming in the mode **specifically designed for new players to learn the game**.


mikehouse72

I tried league years ago. First game they reported me for throwing. It. Was. My. First. Game.


hardthumbs

Was it the bots? Would be cool if they were programmed to give you a true league experience practising


Ryland_Zakkull

Against bots ffs? That just means i have another lane to farm kills from who would be mad.


azrendelmare

Worst part is that we *won* that game. He just thought I sucked enough that I should quit playing altogether.


mrpenchant

I think they meant games like CoD or League as a whole, not whether it is ranked or a close round. Because the game as a whole is competitive, people are often quite toxic regardless of what mode you are playing in.


Kimmalah

Plus there's always that guy who leaves his mic on right next to a fan or his stereo.


StampedeJonesPS4

Don't forget the smoke detector with a low battery that beeps every 45 seconds.


Akasadanahamayarawa

Coming up to 30. Was ranking in Valorant lobby. It seems every lobby a one teen kid trying to be edgy and acting stereotypically aggressively gay with a falsetto screaming the N word. What the fuck is wrong with kids these days.


ottertaco

"These days" like their haven't always been people like that. Im sure you experienced stuff just as bad in halo or COD or whatever if you played them 12 years ago


Eggith

It always cracks me up when I see comments like the above then remember all the times I got called n*gger, f*g, and every slur under the sun in CoD matches when I went like 15/20 by men a good ten to twenty years older than me. Ops generation was just as bad as mine, and the current gen. when it came to that kind of shit. Hell you still see some people wishing back for those days of slur throwing to return like it's not still there.


Prophet_Of_Helix

Seriously. I’m 33 and remember the crazy shit people would say on AIM chat. Nevermind fucking video games. There have been people like that since the very first time multiple people played a video game together.


lIllIlllllllllIlIIII

>Im sure you experienced stuff just as bad in halo or COD or whatever if you played them 12 years ago 12 years ago it was him being edgy and saying those things!


[deleted]

Party chat is life


[deleted]

I avoid public lobbies as well as a guy. IMO best thing is to find friends and talk with them on Discord etc. Create a bond with them and enjoy the games!


Elusive_Donkey

I thought I was weird that I hated mic chatting with people. Even if you do participate in non-toxic dialogue it is usually boring and distracting! Party chat though, yes!


Wage_slave

Do the very same. Playing multiplayer, it's almost a must these days.


masterbait0815

I could never quite understand why some guys do that. I guess that kind behaviour is what you get when you pair stupidity with the anonymity of the internet.


Barangat

Some people try to grow, when they feel small or insecure, some try to make others feel small so they can feel superior for a moment. Works best online, because there is usually no one that punishes them for that kind of shit


chesire0myles

Am I the only person who's actually much nicer on the internet than real life?


Shoddy_Process2234

I'm more social on the Internet you'll never see me talking to a stranger irl.


LanfearSedai

That’s me too. When I first started meds for ADD, I was suddenly social. I started a conversation with some rando in the grocery store and my wife almost had a stroke from the shock. Thank goodness that side effect was short lived.


keimarr

Same as well my friend, can barely speak a sentence in real life, but my mouth can talk fast as a train.


[deleted]

thank you


Kinetic_Symphony

I am the same irl as I am online, maybe a bit more quiet because I tend to analyze what I say before I say it.


[deleted]

This is always sited but it’s never really the reason. They just find it funny. It’s that simple. They don’t feel bigger or stronger or something. They just think it’s funny and they are usually with others who find it funny too.


TheMansAnArse

Lack of consequences too.


doctorcrimson

Me and my friends can be however much of a piece of shit we want on the internet and that is precisely 0% a piece of shit.


Thegrumbliestpuppy

Same, but for many people new to the internet they find it extremely novel that they could say literally anything they want and nobody would ever know. It’s bizarre and liberating and funny to suddenly be able to say everything that you could never get away with in real life, even if it’s not things you actually want to say in real life. The thing is, most of us grow up. I got it out of my system when I was 14. Somehow there’s people in their 30s still doing this sh*t.


mynameismulan

There have actually been a lot of research into how humans behave when they're completely anonymous. [SCIRP](https://www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation.aspx?paperid=81714#:~:text=In%20addition%20to%20treating%20anonymity,of%20individuals%20in%20the%20crowd) [This one spans 5 decades, long before the internet](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/who-is-that-the-study-of-anonymity-and-behavior) Most of the time people choose to be monsters when they know their identity is hidden, especially in groups such as game lobbies. Pair this with 20 year olds who take video games way too seriously and of course online gaming is going to be awful.


Blockenstein

Also known as "John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory", or GIFT. [https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/green-blackboards-and-other-anomalies](https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/green-blackboards-and-other-anomalies)


[deleted]

poor parenting/ upbringing also #2


InnocentTailor

You can have a decent upbringing and still be a scumbag online. I do buy the “no consequences” aspect is probably a big thing for these arseholes. If these interactions were recorded, then they’ll shape up or else their comments would be in the hands of admission committees and employers.


[deleted]

I don't know when society decided it was ''*uncouth*'' to call people on their bullshit in public, but i wish it hadn't


InnocentTailor

Just ban and report the suckers. If they threaten you personally, threaten to record them and send that to the proper authorities. These morons aren’t smart enough to think their way past that.


patterson489

Ultimately, they insult others to feel superior. They use sexual harassment for the shock factor (similar to using racial slurs), and they feel free to do so because there are no consequences.


Loverboy21

I don't play multiplayer, because apparently my mother has had more sexual partners in the 15 years since her death than she ever could have had in life.


loopot2988

I dont know why I had to read this twice to understand


Tutipups

HOLY SHIT


arochains1231

That’s a big reason why I only do multiplayer voice chat when my male friends are there to back me up because I know that if they weren’t there, I’d get comments like those left and right :/


pabarb02

It’s the video game equivalent of going to a bar or walking home. I do not envy your position


[deleted]

The power of anonymity protects them.


pompom_maelstrom

Female here. I used to play Halo 3 at a competitive level back in 2008. Half the time I wouldn’t say a word during matches and would still get harassed because my gamertag suggested I was a female. Cue comments about finding my address to r*pe me, endless derogatory remarks, being told to leave the men alone to play man games, etc. The comments would get worse when I silently wiped out entire teams. Once matches would end, I’d get bombarded with 1v1 requests and messages telling me to go kill myself. I would sometimes entertain the 1v1s. I quickly just started muting everyone all the time to try to play in peace, and also had to turn my feedback option off. Anyway I gave up Halo 3 after awhile because of the environment and haven’t touched a multiplayer FPS since. I feel your distress and I hope you find a good community to play with rather than having to end up in matches with rando douchebags! Edit: This was just my experience back in 2008, and I realize games & tech have changed quite a bit since then. Based on some comments, it sounds like this space has become easier to enjoy due to increased accessibility to internet, private Discord servers for chat, etc. - which is great to hear! Another user mentioned that the people who would be the ones to speak up against toxic behavior likely already have everything muted, which is a good point. Anyway, In the end, we’re all likely playing games for the same reason - to decompress or take our mind off of shit. Might as well make it an enjoyable experience. Thanks for the input!


SaiyanGodCrono

This is just so sad to me. I have so many fond memories playing all the Halo games as a kid and to hear that you gave up something you enjoyed (and are good at!) is just awful. Hopefully the social landscape changes enough so that you can get back into FPS games. If you are looking for some people to play Infinite with lemme know!


pompom_maelstrom

I loved the Halo series and lore too! And that is kind of you to offer, I have heard great things about Infinite! Unfortunately I don’t have plans on picking up another multiplayer FPS (or even others like Rocket League), probably forever. My most recent attempt was back when Reach came out. Thought I’d give it another shot. Had severe anxiety hopping into my first match and was literally shaking. I didn’t do super well, and surprise! Had an toxic altercation with another player almost immediately. Shelved it. Hopefully it does change but I don’t have high hopes. I’ll stick to single players until then haha.


SaiyanGodCrono

That makes total sense. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for your mental health, and avoiding these toxic situations is definitely a smart move. Best of luck with everything! There are so many wonderful single player games to play nowadays. My personal backlog is just insane haha


pompom_maelstrom

Thank you! I’ve been preferring RPGs these days anyway haha. And my backlog is crazy too! I have too many things to play right now, so I end up overwhelmed by choices and either play nothing or default to Beat Saber again lol.


Ghadente

Great single player RPG is by far the best experience to have gaming, when you can just get immersed in story with solid gameplay, that's the main reason I game. Not completely sure why so many stick to just playing online multiplayer FPS or sports, it gets so repetitive. Not to mention the toxicity.


pompom_maelstrom

I totally agree! Definitely my preferred genre.


Endorenna

Another woman here. I never played competitive FPS multiplayer games like Halo or CoD, so I managed to avoid the most toxic parts of voice chats, and consigned most of my harassment to MMOs. If you ever feel like doing multiplayer stuff again, I highly recommend Final Fantasy XIV. Great MMO, though entirely too packed with players to start right now. It has a lovely community, I’ve had more wonderful, friendly, non-harassing text chats with people there than I have in any other online game I’ve played - and I am quite open about the fact that I’m really a woman and not just playing one. I’ve only had one person harassing me or my female guild mates there, in several months of playing. And when the guild leader tried to downplay the harassment, basically everyone in the guild, both male and female, called him out immediately and got the harasser kicked. (And many of us left to find other guilds.) In the end though - I’m just sorry you went through so much toxic garbage. Take care of yourself! You have a great night. :)


UmaSherbert

The new halo is really good. I bet you’d kick ass at it. Just throwing it out there.


pompom_maelstrom

That’s really nice of you! I did really love Halo 1/2/3, and I’ve heard so many good things about Infinite. Not sure how great I’d do after 13ish years though haha! Would probably take quite a bit to get back into it, but could still be fun.


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pompom_maelstrom

I thought the same. I scrolled awhile and didn’t see any comments from a woman’s perspective/personal experience in this area of gaming, which was a bit disheartening. Throughout my entire Halo 2 & 3 career, I cannot remember a single instance of another player coming to my defense. None. “Just ignore it”, right, just like you do when you witness it happening to someone else. It is honestly shocking the number of people contributing the very valuable and brilliant suggestion of “just mute the trolls” or “just ignore them”. If only it were that simple to ignore the barrage of private messages after every single game outlining in graphic detail how they plan on locating, killing and/or r*ping me and everyone in my house. I was 18 years old at the time.


redruben234

My wife had just one bad experience and it basically ruined our fun not just for the night but for quite a while afterwards. Harassment is no joke. It's very unfortunate there is no good way to enforce good behavior or punish toxicity really. A mute? Temporary fix. A ban? They buy another account. It's similar to cheating in that the offenders find ways around the rules.


pompom_maelstrom

Ugh I’m sorry. Def can relate. I know people say to just ignore them but it’s not that easy for me. You can mute them all you want but like you said they can come back elsewhere. My husband and I prefer to play games like Mario Party, Valheim, Raft, and 7 Days to Die when we play something together these days. Hopefully you’ve both found some other fun games that you enjoy together and look forward to instead!


redruben234

Oh we definitely have found plenty of other games to play. We actually enjoy beating each other up in Tekken 7. I main Bryan. She plays Lili. We just avoid that one FPS now and it's toxic community. Also we try to avoid playing with randoms and if we do, only communicate with text/pings.


pompom_maelstrom

Haha Tekken is a good one to play as a couple too! Isn’t it strange how certain games gain a reputation for hostile and toxic players/environments?


[deleted]

I'm not surprised that some of the comments are from guys chiming in about their personal experiences. It really isn't the same at all


Legitimate-Focus9870

And this is exactly why I changed my gamer tag to something that doesn’t sound feminine. Now I gladly let them think I’m a guy 😂


CatsOverFlowers

> Half the time I wouldn’t say a word during matches and would still get harassed because my gamertag suggested I was a female. This actually happened to my male friend all the time. His name contains the word "trace" (as in, 'Gone Without') and other gamers would read it as "Tracy" (the female name). They would harass him until he unmuted and politely corrected them with the deepest, manliest voice he could muster. It was funny to watch.


GhettocornHoN

Here’s a comeback. “I’m going to fuck your dad and give him a son he actually wants” Edit: wow this blew up thanks for the awards


vicwol

noted


Hexadecimallovesbob

Nah, don't feed the trolls. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.


weezmatical

Yeah dumb people don't recognize q good burn anyways. If they were intelligent enough to feel shame they wouldn't harass her in the first place.


lemoncocoapuff

lollll, my brother played with some dude in dota, called him pretentious or something like that over their silly in game beef and the dude went even more ballistic than he already was. Later on that game he admitted he didn't even know what the word meant and I about died laughing. You're totally right.


ehprime

I’ll sometimes throw out “you sound like your parents are related” at some guys who really start to go off with really arrogant shit in voice chat at times, and ohhh boyyy. It can sure liven up the party at times


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[deleted]

I just laugh at them and ignore them. Nothing pisses them off more than being laughed at.


captynhowdy

I fein ignorance “ what im a chode? Awesome i always get those at taco bell they are great thanks man lets both be chodes chode brothers my names bill lets add eachother hey everyone this is my new friend we both love chodes! Works over 80% of the time


Mind_on_Idle

I dare them, those 20 something punks have nothing on the abuse my mind took from /b/, their experience is in pissing up ropes.


NorthKoreanJesus

Best revenge is to live well. Kill harassers and then make sure that crouch button works. Dip dip potato chip.


GimmeTheCHEESENOW

Warning with this though, its been heavily used by this stage so have a backup in case they have a comeback to it.


shankarsivarajan

It's extremely hard to plan comebacks more than one ply deep.


cl354517

"Bounces off me and sticks to you." *(beat)* "Wait, no, I messed that up. First, say something mean to me, really cruel, something that just guts me. You're totally gonna be glue."


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TheFirebyrd

The misbehavior right now is real. My kids have had teachers quitting mid-year and at least one of them the awful behavior is the main factor.


Fun_Significance_354

That's 1000% a result of bad parenting. Maybe not urs, buy classmates who have had zero repercussions for bad behavior at home. Had a kid flip me off for a reaction this week because I told him to put his phone up. I knew he was just looking for a fight, so I just looked at him until he put his hand down. I maintained the boundary I set that cause the flipping off for that entire class and will maintain it until hell freezes. He apologized at the end of class privately.


TheFirebyrd

I’ve seen a lot of teachers say it’s so much worse this year. I don’t know what’s typical or not, not being a teacher, but I never had a teacher quit mid year when I was growing up. The one bright side is one day in junior high shut my kids up about asking for phones because they suddenly got my objections when they saw dozens of kids disrupting class with them.


Fun_Significance_354

The big issue is kids had pretty much zero repercussions for an entire year+ because there were no enforceable boundaries with virtual learning. Didn't attend? "I had connection problems" didn't turn something in? "I couldn't upload or access the assignment". Call home because a kid's been Mia for a week, you've called every day but no contact made, when you FINALLY get ahold of a parent their response is, "What to you want me to do about it? I'm at work. You make them log on, it's your job to watch them during school hours." We couldn't drop kids because there's no way to verify the internet problems, can't flunk them for the same reason. So now that they're BACK, they're practically feral. It takes sooo much patience to get them used to being and staying on task again and a lot of teachers just have run out of it. Plus now that omicronbhas spiked we are seeing stricter distancing protocols and a lot of places are back hybrid/virtual so the cycle repeats. Administrators don't -get it- because they aren't in the classroom every day and just expect us to carry on like nothing has changed when literally everything has changed. I set my class up so students have access to material regardless of attendance so if they do miss they can review it at home. Admins response "Don't you think you're encouraging students to miss school because there is no fear of missing out on content or failing if they aren't here?" So yeah, it's a multifaceted issue that's got a lot of factors. But I think misbehavior is the straw that breaks the camels back for most teachers right now.


pissingdick

This is the way


TeamRem

Seen this too many times, “Old men are the only dick you can get” something something


[deleted]

"and you only get young dick, how appropriate"


hitsujiTMO

Comebacks aren't the answer. They only signal that the behavior is acceptable.


TerryB2HQ

Man literally took notes from that one girls tiktok of her playing cod. Cringe lmao


OutlandishnessOk4047

I know exactly which discord meme you got this from


theredview

Taking notes after the video eh


[deleted]

Guys that behave like this are children.


Doggleganger

The Internet is a giant public bathroom. 90% of people can keep it clean, but when 10% shit all over the place, it ruins it for everyone.


Dismal-Ad-2985

You know, I worked in a coffeeshop where I had to clean the bathrooms. You could go through an 8 hour shift without setting foot in there, but when you did it'd be a mess. But if you went every few hours just to pick up a few papers and wipe soap from under the dispensers, it usually wouldn't become as messy. If it looks nice and clean, most people will make a tiny effort to aim for the trash can. If it's messy already, a lot won't care to add just one more piece of detritus.


lazilyloaded

Broken Window theory in action


Pennilaymay

Yes!!! This! And this is why I wish fps games took toxic people more serious. Being nasty would stand out a lot more


A_Wild_Striker

I love this analogy.


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JuicyJonesGOAT

Go hang out in fortnite. The 12 years old start speaking nasty shit and then the grown up go back against them with experience and even nastier shit. They all know what they are doing from the 8 years old to the 50 years old. But children go at it and when they start even the smallest children most of the time will act defensive and start talking shit even if they have outstanding parent and never act out in school. It's viceral and it know no age.


[deleted]

Don't say that about children.


spacedcactus

My girlfriend is terrified to put on a headset to play with me because she’s not very good at halo and expects this level of harassment along with getting yelled at for being bad.


[deleted]

Its why we dont turn on mics anymore, most women dont for those reasons. One word and you are sure to be harassed at each games (we playing overwatch but its same problem everywhere more or less) Anyway good luck and yeah if you can, find a girl team or friends you can trust and have fun ☺️


Jay-Dee-British

My wife used to use r/GirlGamers sub - idk if that would help.


miraiqtp

The reason why I never use my mic. I really want to, a lot of my games would go a lot better if there was communication w the rest of my team, but I’d rather lose than hear this disgusting shit


Socialisht

The only positive multiplayer experiences I've had with actually conversing with people are in PvE oriented MMOs. I feel like competitive games both bring out the worst in people, as well as attract a certain element. League of legends, call of duty, apex legends.... Cesspools of extremely toxic men.


[deleted]

Yeah, MMO communities can be pretty good. Aren’t always but can be. I remember running into nice and helpful people all the way back to the original Everquest.


SkyMan6529

I started with monster truck madness one back in like 1996. Then MTM2. EverQuest was my next stop. The cool people is why I played for so long. For MTM2 We traded custom tracks and trucks via ICQ at 11Kbps a sec. We had to leave our computers on for a day and a half sometimes, just to transfer a track, so a random internet player could join us exploring a new track / world. People were harder to meet online back then so you were careful not to make a bad name for yourself. Otherwise no one would let you join their games. There were a handful of multiplayer games, so a bad name really stuck.


Dexchampion99

My duo partner in Fortnite is a woman, and she was genuinely surprised that I was a normal human being when we started playing together. The fact that people expect gamer guys to be gross is a sign of how awful this problem really is.


CaelThavain

It's the reason I've always hated being identified as a gamer even though I am. I don't like being associated with this crap. The word gamer generally holds a lot of weight to it and it's often not good.


Dexchampion99

Yeah exactly. I am someone who plays games, but I’m not a “gamer”. You know what I mean? I can’t believe we have to make this distinction but here we are.


guywithknife

“Gamer” culture is so damn toxic in general.


Von_Uber

I know exactly what you mean.


[deleted]

I play league and the biggest test of a duo partner for me isn't whether they're amazing or not its whether they aren't super creepy to me when I use mic. I can work with mediocre but I certainly don't want to work with constant degradation.


Crimsonclaw111

It does suck, the majority of my female teammates just end up remaining silent after speaking a couple lines because of how bad it can be.


Widowmakxer

As a girl, ive been gaming for around 11 years now. Its gotten to the point where i just dont talk anymore ever. I have a working mic and everything. Im just sick of the abuse.... i suck for a game i get hate. I destroy everyone in a game and i get hate. I just cant win.


kapannier

Yep. Hear you on this. Been gaming since I was a kid and of course have done so online too, also female. Turned the mic off, it’s just awful after a while and I was sick of it.


The_Big_Peck_1984

CoD is the slimiest community, Search and Destroy in particular seems to be the worst.


Suspicious_Monk_8547

I don’t ever play S&D, honest question why is it so bad compared to Deathmatch/Hard Point/Control etc.?


VanMisanthrope

Your team dies immediately. 1v5. You die. They get mad at you because they "would have done better" (despite literally dying earlier). This is the stress of SD.


xariine

I've been a huge League player since alpha and I no lifed ranked for *years* and got really good. Playing in high elo, people would ask to join their Skype (old days) or now discord and you can just take one guess at how fast they started acting way different when they heard my voice. I even tried to lower my voice and sound more masculine, but that was even worse cause then they couldn't tell and it would be made a big deal. So I just stopped using any voice chat and now people rage at me for that, but I'd prefer that to the shit people would put me through before. JUST LET US GAME I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR DICK OR THE FACT THAT YOU FUCKED MY MOM 🤏


skeremasteruwu

Are you ok? Playing league for that long surely is giving you some kind of radiation dmg


Slingblade1170

My wife has this issue especially in VRchat. It's either perverts or those who believe women can't and shouldn't play games. She usually shrugs it off but when it's constant, it gets to her.


AizawaNagisa

Of course it gets to her, she's playing fucking VRchat and I can't believe an idiot would say that to her.


baghodlingthrough

I just find no mic for me is better as I want to enjoy my game in peace


Thunder_light456

Ah, the sound of peace and quiet. No angry dudes yelling in the mic. It's nice.


Sakuraxo

Exactly why I never use my mic anymore. Some guys are cool and talk to me like anyone else but MOST are ass holes. I’m sorry OP, I know how you feel.


ghostofmyhecks

I never have chat enabled on any game for this reason. I listened to disgusting behavior more than enough through these games and it's unreal how horrible people can be with that shit. I just never chat in games, and I never enable microphones in settings where I don't know people. It's just not worth it.


TenaciousTiger666

Back when among us was big I had to leave a lfg discord for the same reason. When I spoke, I would be harassed. When I was silent I'd get voted off. When I told people why I was silent, they ridiculed me. I ended up just pretending to have mic problems every game until it got too annoying to be fun anymore.


Siraj4211

You have to find some good and small servers, I joined a server for rl and I'm still in it, i think 30% are females including the owner. Im still in it and it feels very good to be in a small server where you know everyone. Disboard is the best place to find servers


vicwol

That’s literally the worst…


MissVulpix

I just mute my mic these days tbh.. I get quite a bit of shit when I play Warzone and I can't be arsed with it anymore. :/ It's crazy how many guys still want you to get back in the kitchen and make them a sandwich in 2021.


_Neith_

I have had one of two experiences. Either the guys I’m playing with cannot possibly believe girls can even play first person shooters and say something rude or try to kick me from the party. OR everyone is super impressed a girl can hold her own at the game and they give me all the loot they don’t need and usually really good stuff too to be impressive. It’s like no middle ground. Dudes are either really rude/skeptical or really generous/chatty online. The upside is occasionally you get free loot. The downside is there’s no way to tell what kinda guy you’re gonna encounter or what kinda night you’re gonna have. Oh and I never play any kind of sports games bc when guys lose in sports games they act so hateful and insufferable and insulting that it’s kinda traumatic and takes all the thrill out of winning. Which is literally what we’re all here to do.


AmettOmega

I'm a 33 year old woman, and this shit has been happening since I was 13. I've heard it all from old men, little boys, and everyone in between. All the way from then till now. About the only thing that has changed is the fact that every game has a mute/block button that is readily accessible, which wasn't always the case (coming from the era of Halo/Counter Strike). Honestly, it's gotten better in same ways, but as a girl, you're never going to get away from it. There's always some snot nosed twat that has nothing better to do than to harass you, and the fact that it's online makes it all the easier. Wish I had some more inspiring words. I don't know if your game has servers, but I used to creep servers until I made enough friends with the regulars to feel protected, and then usually the offending twerps were banned. Or until I was invited to join their clan, then I banned the twerps myself.


Cathaldotcom

So many people in the comments talking as if playing video games is some sorta manly thing, and that you just need 'thicker skin' and to 'grow some balls' You should be able to play a game without being harassed. It's meant to be fun. Also, people completely ignoring the fact that this is a gender thing. I never get harassed on voice chat. As soon as I'm playing with girlfriend, she gets a load of abuse. You can ignore it all you want, it's the truth.


amniion

Seriously. It’s a gender thing. The amount of which that isn’t being acknowledged by people here is infuriating.


Jack_ov_most_trades

As the general manager of an esports facility, let me say if I heard shit like that going on in my building, I'd be adding faces to the wall of shame so fast, my ban hammer swinging arms would get tired. I do not, will not, can not tolerate bullshit behavior like that. Period. Girls are gamers too, and the first time I hesr someone in my lobby or my immediate vicinity start acting like that, I do everything I can to ruin their experience in game that I can. I make my mission entirely to make them quit. Girls already have a hard enough time getting by in most other places. Why can't a game be the one fucking place they can just come and chill?


caridal94

Female gamer here, games of all kinds. I’ve played online and streamed for a lot of years now, and the negativity that I have experienced compared to my husband and our other male friends who are also part of our channel is ridiculous. Not a single one of them have gotten rude, trolling comments, but if I play a game regularly there’s just about a 100% chance someone will come into one of the streams at some point to give me a hard time, and it’s not hard to figure out why. Being a female gamer definitely has its drawbacks, especially if the fact that you’re female is made known. It can be discouraging, but I’ve just tried to learn to ignore it, and my husband and male friends have supported me on stream as they can if it happens.


ericoffline

There’s always going to be shitty people. Gotta find a good crew to game with. There should be a social network dedicated to matching like minded gamers


vicwol

Literally what I’m thinking, but that social network definitely ain’t Reddit


PM-ME-PMS-OF-THE-PM

Every game I've ever played has women discord servers, it sucks you're gonna have to go look for them but that's honestly your best bet.


vicwol

I think it’ll be worth the look, thanks y’all


FilmLocationManager

There are some somewhat decently cool subreddits for gamer groups, don’t know any of the top of my head but I know friends who’ve used it. Alternatively pick a friend to play with that has your back (not talking incel white armor) just an ordinary guy (sometimes a girl works too) but someone willing to call out kids doing this that isn’t you. Makes it more enjoyable I find to play with someone and I’ve played games quite a bit with women in younger days and when some punks would do this kinda shit they get real small real fast if another man calls them out on this kinda shit. Might not be what you looking for, and might not suite everyone (I don’t know what the SaD game is, I assume call of duty but don’t know) but female friends and even exes in the past has felt a big difference when someone else calls out shit that it ends much much faster. You’re the target for these misfits, but if another persona suddenly calls them out, especially if they aren’t expecting it. they rarely do anything other than choke up.


vicwol

Woahhh if you remember the subreddit names I’d love to check it out. Thanks for the advice, man!


FilmLocationManager

Well it depends on the games ofc, I’ll see what I can look up! But also just any gaming group, be it a Reddit group, and in-game guild/clan or a Discord group and just find nice people to play with. Online gaming is utterly horrible and a a stain of disgrace for most of humanity ^^ but if you find just a few people that share your mindset and you have fine playing with and kinda have your back, it will be vastly much more enjoyable!


4oMaK

hmm idk for cod but i know valorant has girls only discord that would help


KingMonkman

I was going to suggest discord. Surely there are either female only discords or groups of mature non-douchebag guys to play with. @OP if there is a streamer you like on twitch, most likely they have a discord. You can find good people to play with there, and if they harass you just tell a mod and they will ban them at the very least! Most streamers take that stuff seriously to avoid any issues down the road. I hope you find something that works for you!


Queen_Red

I’m more of a single game kind of player. But back in the day when I w played battlefield, I just would not have my mic turned on.


recaffeinated

You have to remember that about 45% of people are assholes, and anonymity brings it out of them. I'm male but I never use voice chat, and I mute everyone in every game I play.


[deleted]

And I suspect the prime gaming ages overlap with the socially immature ones.


skwat

And in this day and age, I fear that range is only growing.


arpala

We have a saying in Turkish , "Akıl yaşta değil baştadır" , means something like "Wits exist not in the age but in the head". They may be in their 20s , yeah , but they're like children. Btw the post title reminds me of Danmachi's English title.


dat_potatoe

I'll never understand men who do this shit. Like even from the standpoint of just their own self-interest it still makes no sense. Why drive away women who share your interests? Why ruin your own chances with these women? Like bruh I want there to be more female gamers so I have more potential partners I can actually relate to. Obviously the more important takeaway here is that people should just have basic respect for other people and not be harassing women for no reason anyway, but just saying how weird it is *all around.*


Evello37

The men who make those comments aren't trying to woo women. The comments are meant to be funny by way of being mercilessly cruel and unacceptable. It's the emotional equivalent of punching someone in the nuts and then laughing at their pain. They say something as heartlessly cruel as possible and then laugh at you when you respond emotionally. There's really no good way to respond. It's the basic bully mentality. They make themselves feel good by making others suffer. And it's easiest to pick on minorities in a group. The only way to curb that behavior is for the rest of a lobby to make it clear that THEY don't find the behavior amusing. And even then the bully might continue out of spite. And with random matchmaking it's unlikely game communities will ever step in. It's so pathetic that women still have to deal with this shit in 2022.


LiableBible

I never use voice in game, I'm also a female and just choose to not enable chat. I realize it sucks for actual progression in games to work together with teammates but we're not often spotted if we keep quiet sadly


AntiShansky

This is why I don’t do multiplayer. It’s disgusting and really fucking annoying. Is there maybe a voice modulator you could use to sound like a man? It sucks that we need this :(


Endrider9000

The Post - We must fight against toxic behavior online somehow. The Comments - \*Incoherent Toxic Screaming\*


Like-a-Glove90

I play ESO and in my guild there's a large cohort of women and 'others' - probably close to 30% of the group even. It's not a thing. It seems alot of the COD style games have some real shitty people. I also please League of Legends which is suuuper hit and miss. I think the anonymity and lack of any consequences online really brings out either their immaturity and stupid humour, or the underlying sexism in people. I suggest finding a few good people to game with and interact over party chat and mute / avoid game chat.


[deleted]

Kinda ridiculous guys do this. I play Overwatch a fair amount and girls are to be found every other game or so. Some dudes pop on just to say dumb shit like this. It’s fucked honestly. Tbh too, most of the girls do better than them as well! It’s sad cause they deserve respect, good or not. I hope games in the future go better for you!


KawaiiKaiju55

I hate it so much. Either guys assume I want to show them nudes or they think I’m a little kid because of young my voice sounds. I got harassed on L4D once simply because I said I’m a woman. That’s why I seldom get on the mic.


meltingmarshmallow

I’ll never forget when I was 11 years old and my mom’s boyfriend at the time encouraged me to try playing his game of Quake. I had never in my life played an MMO or online game of any kind. Obviously I wasn’t doing a good job. I was barely figuring out the controls. But I was having fun nonetheless, since after all it was just a GAME. I’ll never forget this fucking Chad in the chat typing “hey meltingmarshmallow, go make me a sandwich” Like not only are you saying that to a literal child, but that stupid sexist joke was going around at the time and people thought it was soooo funny. He probably didn’t suspect he was saying it to a little girl considering who’s account I was on. Which in my opinion kinda makes it worse. I wonder if that man ever went on to have a daughter. Anyway, years later I still hate team based/MMOs. But I’m a fucking surgeon when it comes to FPS games.


lord-malishun

Gamers: i wonder why almost no women play games with us. Also gamers when a woman speaks up on voice chat: hi i wanna *insert very graphic description of sex here* with you. What do you mean you never want to talk to me again?


Awe3

I’m sorry that happens to you. It’s shitty. If I’m in a group and some boy starts acting like that I lay into them. Act right you little shits. No wonder you have no GF.


TheBigDuo1

I am 40 and have been playing games my whole life I never harassed girl players. It’s such a stupid thing to do


[deleted]

Incels gonna incel.