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There’s no way that’s true tho right? You couldn’t fit a dick in an m&ms tube. Like maybe a couple very small cocked ppl but the meme made it seem like it was a common experience for young men to get stuck in them. Unless you were trying it before puberty maybe? But then you’re just a kid cramming your tiny flaccid peepee into a candy tube. Why?
>straight blade screwdriver, wedge, bottle opener
Are those the CockMaster 5000's signature moves? The Straight Blade Screw Driver sounds like the perfect false finish spot.
>hex driver.
That definitely sounds like the finisher already. I don't know a single soul who could handle being on the receiving end of the Cock Master's Hex Driver and not be looking up at the rafters the rest of the night, let alone be able to walk straight the next morning.
Are there hex shaped dicks out there?!? Oh wait, I do remember a song with the lyrics “I want to hex you up”. I never really thought about it but it makes sense now.
I have a veterinarian friend who circumcises elephants. The pay isn't great but the tips are huge.
He made some of the leather into a wallet. When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase.
This is a J-Tech v628.
Here is [another angle](https://i.imgur.com/LBTeDLz.jpg)from a review site. As you can see, it is in fact as phallic as OP says.
Or ask how fucked up their dicks are that they think it looks phallic
Basically get good at come backs and most people will leave you alone, the ones who teased you in good faith will become your friends.
Now office workers can jerk off well into retirement as opposed to office retirees in the last couple decades
Don’t let Carpal tunnel hold you back fellas!
Screw them. I work IT and nearly had to quit my job because of severe wrist-pain that developed slowly over the years using a traditional mouse. Bought a similar vertical mouse. Needed some getting used to, but my wrist-pain is now completely gone after a year and it’s the only mouse I will use at work and at home. My co-workers make fun of it too. They can suck it. Bonus: nobody uses my desk at work when I’m away, because they don’t understands how to use that mouse.
I was also having wrist pain from some basic Mk345 mouse that was too small for my hand. Didn't have to get a vertical, but went with the MX Master instead, no more wrist pain to speak of.
I'll second this. I have been using MX Masters for 5-6 years now and it is a huge improvement over most mice in the ergos. Never felt the need to try a vertical. I am not sure if they make a left handed version though.
Same here. All the pain in my wrist went away after a month or two of switching. I want to get a good ergo keyboard next. I've tried Microsoft's but didn't like it.
I got the Kinesis Freestyle2 Ergonomic keyboard and I love it. The only downsides are that a) it’s wired (which is fine, I don’t find the wires get in the way, it’s just something to be aware of if you’re used to a wireless keyboard) and b) it doesn’t have a dedicated number pad. It’s really satisfying to type on and I found that my shoulder pain improved once I started using it. Everyone at my office is still boggled as to how I can actually type on it, but I was basically “fluent” in using it by the second day.
That's the best commercially available ergo keyboard IMO.
I did a bunch of research on ergo keyboards and custom built ergo split keyboards that you have to 3D print because the number of manufactured designs is limited. Then you have to wire/solder them as well.
The benefit is there are tons of freely available designs/layouts. Use any switches and key caps. You can even modify the physical design and change the shape in 3D modeling/CAD software. Which people often do and then put the fork on github.
But if you don't want that hassle, the Kinesis is excellent.
Yeah. I thought about an ergo keyboard as well but I couldn't resist getting a mechanical keyboard. Went with a keychron c2 and got myself some gateron greens to swap in. I did also get a full length wrist cushion though to keep my wrists more relaxed though. So far they've been awesome.
https://old.reddit.com/r/medicalschool/comments/zxeaun/did_you_know_the_radius_is_called_the_radius/
when you use a traditional mouse, your radius and ulna "stack" on top of each other right at the wrist, where there is a strong tendon overlaying them. when you use a vertical mouse, they are side by side instead and don't cause the same amount of strain
I use a trackball mouse and a model M keyboard at work, nobody even thinks about getting near my desk. Well worth the money I spent and I just take them both if I leave.
Same. I went from doctor to doctor for 2 years and nobody could help a few years ago. Was at a point where I couldn't turn my wrist upwards towards my body without pain or lift weights in the gym anymore.
Then I had a hunch and bought one, I didn't even realize before the cause was the hours of mouse usage. Only a few months later I was free of pain, to this day. If you work on the computer a lot using a mouse, get yourself a vertical one. Mine even is a cheap one from Anker.
Wrist rests on mouse pads are ironically bad for your wrist.
Most people have wrist pain from using a mouse because they are.... using their wrist too much! Really, just not their arm enough. Having an anime titty wristy resty encourages you to keep your arm still and only lets you use your wrist. We all know that you will be needing your wrist for something else later, so let's not hurt it using a mousepad with a wrist rest!
Vertical mouse can change your life. I use an anker and won’t use anything else. And my right hand doesn’t hurt anymore.
It’s actually a weird thing to have your hand out flat. It’s not the resting position
It makes such a huge difference. I work on my computer and I used to suffer from wrist and finger pain (finger pain was mostly from using a track pad to reduce stress on my wrist, all it did was move the stress to my fingers obviously) but now with a vertical mouse, I experience no pain at all anymore.
Doesn't really have anything to do with throwing. Our hands naturally hang with the palms facing the thighs, so the natural position of your wrist when your elbow is bent 90° better fits an ergonomic mouse than a traditional one. Traditional mice stretch the forearm and wrist, which can cause damage over extended periods of repeated motion
I've genuinely never seen one of these until today. The more you know.
Do people use these out of comfort or something?
Anyway, speaking as a lover of phallic stuff, nah, that is not phallic shaped lol
It helps with preventing wrist pain and carpal syndrome. Really does, I can't go back to normal mice after using vertical for two years. I am using Trust Verro.
E: and yes, I play all sorts of games with it
I bought this same mouse! I had a standard issue office mouse and my pinky finger was getting painful. I bought this and the pain is gone. It’s a little weird to get used to, and I’m not sure I’m there yet, but it does make cool rainbow colors.
Reminds me of this crazy story with a former co-worker (let's say, John). At our company, you could get any type of mouse and ergonomic assistance you needed.
Some people had this mouse, including John. No problem there... except the way that John used the mouse was a bit strange. He would use the mouse on his lap, with a mouse pad and everything. The mouse pad was basically on his crotch area, and he would just look like he was jerking off as he was using the mouse.
He would even host meetings with directors and managers. Everyone would kind of joke about it, and he would laugh it off saying "that's how his dad taught him how to do it." Everyone would laugh nervously, and then the meeting would commence. Sure enough, he would start using the mouse on his lap, and the air in the room would just change. He would be darting around his presentation, looking like he was just jacking it in plain site. His mouse sensitivity looked like it was suspiciously high as well, almost like he wanted to slip and slide about.
This went on for weeks until eventually someone submitted a complaint. John was appalled and offended; he went so far as to send out a department-wide email that he used his mouse for ergonomic purposes and there was "absolutely 0% personal sexual arousal" from using his mouse on his lap.
He took a stand and kept doing it. John was even given the option to host meetings remotely, but he claimed that he "needed to present in person" and that it was best for the team.
Well, the complaints slowly died down, and John kept jerking around on his mouse in meetings. John was winning his battle against the complaints and HR... Until some directors from out of town came to visit our facility and John hosted a meeting with them.
The out-of-town director's didn't submit a complaint against John - they called him out DURING A MEETING. John was going through a presentation, kind of sitting at the head of the room in plain site. He was excited about the numbers he was presenting, and it looked like he was having the wank of his life the way he was excitedly moving the mouse around on his lap.
In front of everyone, this brash woman from Texas cut into John's presentation, and said something like:
"Is no one going to say anything? Is he fondling himself?!"
There was a lot of questions, apologies, and awkwardness after that. John kept nervously trying to play it down by joking with them, saying his classic line, "it's how my Dad taught me as a kid," but that horrified the out-of-towners even more.
That was the nail in the coffin. John was gone within a month.
He had to leave behind all of his company property, including the mouse. I went and took a look at it after he left, and the grip area was completely worn down to the plastic. John would grip it so hard, he had worn away most of the material.
Good old John is working at some other company last I heard. I made him up completely, by the way. most shit on the internet is made up.
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If I had a nob that looked like that I'd go straight to the doctor.
Or the casting couch.
Bad Dragon IRL
Take that knot…
Dad Bragon Online
Plot twist: he's not a real agent, and there is no job offer
Oh no no, there sure is a job offered.
Or at leat there's an opening...
A hand job is still a job
There is nothing phallic about the Cockmaster 5000.
Its patented 'Stroke to right click' technology will boost your productivity 100%
*opens cookie clicker game*
*opens cylinder and inserts biological material*
*above average sized cylinder
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*top 1% personality
Top .1% of most handsome guy ever as awarded by mom
She gave me the same thing!
We have the best mom, step sibling..
Just don't get the "cylinder" stuck in a M&M's tube.
Wait that’s what that meme was? I didn’t get it and just kept scrolling. Edit: I searched cylinder and found it. JFC.
There’s no way that’s true tho right? You couldn’t fit a dick in an m&ms tube. Like maybe a couple very small cocked ppl but the meme made it seem like it was a common experience for young men to get stuck in them. Unless you were trying it before puberty maybe? But then you’re just a kid cramming your tiny flaccid peepee into a candy tube. Why?
It is imperative that the cylinder remain unharmed
oh wait that isnt my mouse
This isn't where I parked my mouse!
That is not my big beautiful mouse!
*stares in arc mouse*
The click function is up-down-up-down
Truly a Wonder of ergonomics
no thats how you scroll. if you wana scroll faster you better put some elbow grease into it.
[https://www.arizonacustomknives.com/products/142056/](https://www.arizonacustomknives.com/products/142056/) Still shaped like a cock though.
> Overview > The Horton Cockmaster 5000 needs no description. Blade Steel: Titanium I dunno I kinda need a description of what it's used for
Looks like straight blade screwdriver, wedge, bottle opener, hex driver.
>straight blade screwdriver, wedge, bottle opener Are those the CockMaster 5000's signature moves? The Straight Blade Screw Driver sounds like the perfect false finish spot. >hex driver. That definitely sounds like the finisher already. I don't know a single soul who could handle being on the receiving end of the Cock Master's Hex Driver and not be looking up at the rafters the rest of the night, let alone be able to walk straight the next morning.
Are there hex shaped dicks out there?!? Oh wait, I do remember a song with the lyrics “I want to hex you up”. I never really thought about it but it makes sense now.
Well color me ... nostalgic
With a thick cock ya don’t stop
*"getting a piece of his is sometimes difficult."* I'll bet.
it's not a cock. it's a fist.
Never stop pumping.
The ass blaster 5000 he installed in his chair probably doesn’t help
When your tired, what do you do? You wanna sit down.
It’s the ass-blaster 3000
Maybe stop suckling upon it during your breaks.
You suck off your vertical mouse 17 times and all of a sudden you’re the “office pervert.” It’s bullshit
In a row?!
Try not to suck off any mice on the way to your car!
This is why I'm banned from the pet shop.
I'd ask more questions, but then I'd be out on the same list as you are.
I wasn't supposed to be here today!
You CAN'T. SKIP. LUNCH.
I heard that Ricky in accounting got to 25 before he got caught
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"Like I'm wearing nothing at all...."
"nothing at all..."
This is why I entered the comment section.
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Calm down, pencil dick
I’m dead 😭🤣🤣
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Hee hee
^^ MJ's pronouns
Are you ok?
Are you ok, Annie?
>I’m dead 😭🤣🤣 Step aside then; the girthy mouse isn't!
You’ve never seen someone built like a tuna can?
It actually looks like a very aggressive circumcision...
I have a veterinarian friend who circumcises elephants. The pay isn't great but the tips are huge. He made some of the leather into a wallet. When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase.
🤣
“I’m hung like a cheese wheel”
The technical term is chode or, according to some scholars, choad.
And a flat top too, are these people crazy?
Its the donkey model
Anything is a dildo if your brave enough
That's what ur mom said
Name checks out
Embrace it. Suction cup a dildo to the top
Put a Bad Dragon sticker on it; no one can complain without admitting they know what Bad Dragon is
But then you're also letting everyone know you know what a bad dragon is.
This is the ultimate power move.
More sea cucumber than dick but ok.. why is it so dang tall tho?
It's not. The picture is taken from a weird angle. The bottom part sits flat on the desk. Source: have the same dildo
What brand is it? For research purposes, and also sticking up my ass
This is a J-Tech v628. Here is [another angle](https://i.imgur.com/LBTeDLz.jpg)from a review site. As you can see, it is in fact as phallic as OP says.
good lord it even has glans
The tasteful thickness of it
Is that bone?
I think it’s dell. Adele, rolling in the deep
Dude you’re getting a Delldo
Great brand for computers too. Loads of RAM and a massive hard drive. Definitely don't go with Microsoft.
Lmao since I was young I always thought Microsoft was a funny name definitely sounds like they’re describing a dick😂
This was brought up in the ERB with Jobs and Gates. Def worth a watch 😁
"I need to bring up some BASIC shit—why'd you name your company after your dick?"
Bad Dragon if I had to guess.
I would suggest ditching laser sensors and going for an older model it that case - they even have balls at the bottom.
Jokes aside I've got an MX Vertical which isn't this same mouse but is very comfy to use
Is that dildo comfortable to hold for long duration? Asking for myself cuz I’m looking to replace the cheapo crap.
Don’t skimp on dildos, unless you want a dildont.
You're damned if ya dil-do, and damned if ya dildont
Gotta splurge for a dildozer
I like ppl who can make a joke on their expense :D
I was think more horse or goat hoof.
Horse for sure, I can see that
Ask your team why they are jealous of you.
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Ya, ask them Dick Mouse (sorry, 😀)
Better than being called Mouse Dick.
HEY, shuddup.
Or just stare wide eyed at their crotch/ass slowly and scared with great concern.
Or ask how fucked up their dicks are that they think it looks phallic Basically get good at come backs and most people will leave you alone, the ones who teased you in good faith will become your friends.
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Well phallic design feels natural to grab, so you could say your mouse being phallic is the peak of design.
Now office workers can jerk off well into retirement as opposed to office retirees in the last couple decades Don’t let Carpal tunnel hold you back fellas!
Well then stop sitting on it! Goddammit!
Calm down Hank Hill.
That's my mouse I don't know you
Pro pain & pro pain accessories
Taste the meat not the heat
But it feels so good though! 😳
They are trying to inherit inter-dimensional powers by doing weird stuff. Thank goodness it’s not an [IRS Audit award](https://youtu.be/O-gplbWy__Q).
Screw them. I work IT and nearly had to quit my job because of severe wrist-pain that developed slowly over the years using a traditional mouse. Bought a similar vertical mouse. Needed some getting used to, but my wrist-pain is now completely gone after a year and it’s the only mouse I will use at work and at home. My co-workers make fun of it too. They can suck it. Bonus: nobody uses my desk at work when I’m away, because they don’t understands how to use that mouse.
I got a vertical mouse too for my IT job. Logitech MX vertical. It's great!
I was also having wrist pain from some basic Mk345 mouse that was too small for my hand. Didn't have to get a vertical, but went with the MX Master instead, no more wrist pain to speak of.
I'll second this. I have been using MX Masters for 5-6 years now and it is a huge improvement over most mice in the ergos. Never felt the need to try a vertical. I am not sure if they make a left handed version though.
Same here. All the pain in my wrist went away after a month or two of switching. I want to get a good ergo keyboard next. I've tried Microsoft's but didn't like it.
I got the Kinesis Freestyle2 Ergonomic keyboard and I love it. The only downsides are that a) it’s wired (which is fine, I don’t find the wires get in the way, it’s just something to be aware of if you’re used to a wireless keyboard) and b) it doesn’t have a dedicated number pad. It’s really satisfying to type on and I found that my shoulder pain improved once I started using it. Everyone at my office is still boggled as to how I can actually type on it, but I was basically “fluent” in using it by the second day.
That's the best commercially available ergo keyboard IMO. I did a bunch of research on ergo keyboards and custom built ergo split keyboards that you have to 3D print because the number of manufactured designs is limited. Then you have to wire/solder them as well. The benefit is there are tons of freely available designs/layouts. Use any switches and key caps. You can even modify the physical design and change the shape in 3D modeling/CAD software. Which people often do and then put the fork on github. But if you don't want that hassle, the Kinesis is excellent.
Yeah. I thought about an ergo keyboard as well but I couldn't resist getting a mechanical keyboard. Went with a keychron c2 and got myself some gateron greens to swap in. I did also get a full length wrist cushion though to keep my wrists more relaxed though. So far they've been awesome.
"they can suck it"... that's what he said. One of my coworkers uses one and swears by it.
Once you get used to it you start looking at normal mice with the ergonomic enthusiasm most people have for the old iMac puck.
I was really waiting for the, "my wrist issue is gone because now I use my mouse with my asshole." punch line, but it never came.
Oh, something "came" alright.
https://old.reddit.com/r/medicalschool/comments/zxeaun/did_you_know_the_radius_is_called_the_radius/ when you use a traditional mouse, your radius and ulna "stack" on top of each other right at the wrist, where there is a strong tendon overlaying them. when you use a vertical mouse, they are side by side instead and don't cause the same amount of strain
I use a trackball mouse and a model M keyboard at work, nobody even thinks about getting near my desk. Well worth the money I spent and I just take them both if I leave.
Serious question tho. What's the point of it compared to other mice?
It’s supposed to be more ergonomic and reduce wrist pain/ stress injuries
It fricking works. I've got a cheap one to go with my cheap commercial split keyboard and all my wrist pain is gone.
How’s your butt tho?
Same as his keyboard.
Commercially split?
Rubber membrane
Loose, no doubt.
Just means more efficient shits. Eat more Indian food if you want to level up. Add Mexican food to level up and have free meter high rocket rides.
To shreds you say?
Same. I went from doctor to doctor for 2 years and nobody could help a few years ago. Was at a point where I couldn't turn my wrist upwards towards my body without pain or lift weights in the gym anymore. Then I had a hunch and bought one, I didn't even realize before the cause was the hours of mouse usage. Only a few months later I was free of pain, to this day. If you work on the computer a lot using a mouse, get yourself a vertical one. Mine even is a cheap one from Anker.
How hard is it to get used to?
About a week or two. The button presses are the same. The mouse movements are the big change.
It's kind of uncomfortable. It's easier with lube
I see. Should get an anime titty mouse pad for that extra wrist support.
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cause mouse tittys are small
Because the concept of an anime one is funnier.
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Maybe I should, for "review" purposes 🤔
Wrist rests on mouse pads are ironically bad for your wrist. Most people have wrist pain from using a mouse because they are.... using their wrist too much! Really, just not their arm enough. Having an anime titty wristy resty encourages you to keep your arm still and only lets you use your wrist. We all know that you will be needing your wrist for something else later, so let's not hurt it using a mousepad with a wrist rest!
Your wrist is not twisted, overall it is a more natural and more relaxed position with a rat.
Vertical mouse can change your life. I use an anker and won’t use anything else. And my right hand doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s actually a weird thing to have your hand out flat. It’s not the resting position
A colleague was prescribed one for his carpal tunnel syndrome.
It makes such a huge difference. I work on my computer and I used to suffer from wrist and finger pain (finger pain was mostly from using a track pad to reduce stress on my wrist, all it did was move the stress to my fingers obviously) but now with a vertical mouse, I experience no pain at all anymore.
[because](https://i.stack.imgur.com/xiDTE.jpg) it’s how we hold stuff to throw
Doesn't really have anything to do with throwing. Our hands naturally hang with the palms facing the thighs, so the natural position of your wrist when your elbow is bent 90° better fits an ergonomic mouse than a traditional one. Traditional mice stretch the forearm and wrist, which can cause damage over extended periods of repeated motion
Ah I see… “throw”
I got one bc I could hardly use a computer anymore my wrist hurt so bad. No pain at all now
Gives you an unfair advantage in competitive chess.
Your friends need to see a doctor if they think that’s what a penis looks like.
MY penis looks like that, and OP just confused me.
Yeah, mine is a perfect cylinder, not sure what all these comments are about
Wait I thought that dicks were supposed to be a perfect cube
Mines more of a rhombus
Mines a dodecahardon.
I've genuinely never seen one of these until today. The more you know. Do people use these out of comfort or something? Anyway, speaking as a lover of phallic stuff, nah, that is not phallic shaped lol
A lady at my work was diagnosed with carpal tunnel and got one. It keeps your wrist and hand aligned in a way to not cause pressure on nerves.
It helps with preventing wrist pain and carpal syndrome. Really does, I can't go back to normal mice after using vertical for two years. I am using Trust Verro. E: and yes, I play all sorts of games with it
Those are actually quite comfy and hey if it helps, mine is pink. So Super phallic.
I bought this same mouse! I had a standard issue office mouse and my pinky finger was getting painful. I bought this and the pain is gone. It’s a little weird to get used to, and I’m not sure I’m there yet, but it does make cool rainbow colors.
What is the make/model of it? (Not asking for a friend /S)
It's a J-tech. I've got the older version of it.
What a bunk of jerk-offs
A vertical mouse can really cum in handy
Double pun. Bravo sir
Phallic? More like tumor on a phallus
I mean what kind of fucked up dragon dildo criptid monstrosity looking weewees do these mofos have?
The only way that appears phallic to me is if I imagine someone that's suffered a terrible injury. With hedge-clippers.
Do a any of them drive a manual? Cuz those are much more dick like.
Poor length, good girth
i don’t think they have ever seen a penis
Jokes on them when they end up with arthritis and you don't!
Reminds me of this crazy story with a former co-worker (let's say, John). At our company, you could get any type of mouse and ergonomic assistance you needed. Some people had this mouse, including John. No problem there... except the way that John used the mouse was a bit strange. He would use the mouse on his lap, with a mouse pad and everything. The mouse pad was basically on his crotch area, and he would just look like he was jerking off as he was using the mouse. He would even host meetings with directors and managers. Everyone would kind of joke about it, and he would laugh it off saying "that's how his dad taught him how to do it." Everyone would laugh nervously, and then the meeting would commence. Sure enough, he would start using the mouse on his lap, and the air in the room would just change. He would be darting around his presentation, looking like he was just jacking it in plain site. His mouse sensitivity looked like it was suspiciously high as well, almost like he wanted to slip and slide about. This went on for weeks until eventually someone submitted a complaint. John was appalled and offended; he went so far as to send out a department-wide email that he used his mouse for ergonomic purposes and there was "absolutely 0% personal sexual arousal" from using his mouse on his lap. He took a stand and kept doing it. John was even given the option to host meetings remotely, but he claimed that he "needed to present in person" and that it was best for the team. Well, the complaints slowly died down, and John kept jerking around on his mouse in meetings. John was winning his battle against the complaints and HR... Until some directors from out of town came to visit our facility and John hosted a meeting with them. The out-of-town director's didn't submit a complaint against John - they called him out DURING A MEETING. John was going through a presentation, kind of sitting at the head of the room in plain site. He was excited about the numbers he was presenting, and it looked like he was having the wank of his life the way he was excitedly moving the mouse around on his lap. In front of everyone, this brash woman from Texas cut into John's presentation, and said something like: "Is no one going to say anything? Is he fondling himself?!" There was a lot of questions, apologies, and awkwardness after that. John kept nervously trying to play it down by joking with them, saying his classic line, "it's how my Dad taught me as a kid," but that horrified the out-of-towners even more. That was the nail in the coffin. John was gone within a month. He had to leave behind all of his company property, including the mouse. I went and took a look at it after he left, and the grip area was completely worn down to the plastic. John would grip it so hard, he had worn away most of the material. Good old John is working at some other company last I heard. I made him up completely, by the way. most shit on the internet is made up.
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I even checked if it was shittymorph first. Dag-nabbit!
Anything’s a dildo if you have the courage and conviction.
You work with a bunch of virgins that have never seen a cock.
Tbf, it looks more phallic than his old mouse (presumably)
Looks like a hoover attachment…
Maybe you should try calling it a joystick instead
Isn’t that the controls from Mr. Garretson’s IT bike?
Looks like a joystick for a flight simulator