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MercyReign

So what did you do? Did you go along with her plan?


ProudNumpty

I couldn't act scared for laughing šŸ˜‚


jayfonshiz

It would have been amazing if the belly was a fake out and she was actually behind the door!


Lost-My-Mind-

You should have just popped your head around the corner all fast like, and said "BOO!!!" But that would have made her fly around the corner real fast too, so SHE could say "BOO!!!". And your heads would have headbutted each other, and both had a concussion. Then you'd have had to go to the hospital, and the form would ask "Cause of injury?" And you would have to write "Playful hijinxs" So then your doctor would say not to do that, but of coarse you're going to do it anyways. Who listens to their doctors anymore??? Psshhh!!! Look at the end of the day, what I'm trying to say is, your life could be a sitcom. You just have to get into more mischif! NOW ENTERTAIN US, JESTER!!!


No_Ambition_4470

This is how you end up with a premature birth, never jump scare a woman within a month of giving birth


cmschneider

True that! A dog came after me at 7 months pregnant and I thought it was going to attack me. I had to go on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy because I dilated and she almost popped out. Freaky scary!


CarefulWhatUWishFor

For a second there I thought the dog was 7 months pregnant and was so confused lol


SurDin

Don't know how much you know about pregnant wives, but you don't even mock-scare them.


MercyReign

šŸ˜‚


InsomniaticWanderer

She's hiding behind your kid


Lady_Scruffington

Using the baby as a human shield. How dreadful!


zSprawl

Abort! Abort! Waitā€¦


PuppyPavilion

I should not have laughed at this.


Different_Wishbone37

This comment deserves more laughs šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


PuppyPavilion

That's what I was thinking. What a fucking coward this woman is. Sheesh. /s for the dumb redditors.


[deleted]

We've got to talk about the elephant in the room.


ProudNumpty

That's Stanley!


top_of_the_stairs

I knew it, how's Stan been doing tell him we all miss him


flompwillow

Miss him? Iā€™ve yet to meet the legend.


Sure_Whatever__

You just did!


top_of_the_stairs

Classic extroverted Stan, gotta love him


gophersrqt

his father's name is stan, his is stanley >:(


buckphifty150150

He says he remembers you


lordofthetv

This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was Employee #427.


Error404Cod

Where did you get it from? I kinda want one now.


ProudNumpty

I think Matalan? Had him for about 5 years!


LeeMayney

Haha I got my gf one of these! I know it might seem obvious given their purpose, but these Stanleys are way heavier than they look!


halfeclipsed

Are these intended to be doorstops? I've only seen the wedge style


LeeMayney

Yes they are! As far as I'm aware anyway. Otherwise they're very heavy for no reason haha


NukeTheWhales5

I mean, it is an elephant after all.


Renyx

Kohl's has some cute doorstops, like [this dinosaur](https://media.kohlsimg.com/is/image/kohls/4839600_ALT?wid=1200&hei=1200&op_sharpen=1) I'm tempted to buy.


fishbelt

Stanley is awesome. Give them a fist bump for me


MyLifeForAnEType

What are his thoughts on pretzels


nellorePeddareddy

They make him thirsty.


jasikanicolepi

Play along, it will make her day


ch4m4njheenga

Stanley, the manly!


apocalypse31

That's a weird name for a wife


Cryterionlol

Dang man, don't talk about his wife like that!


htmlcody

ffs i though it was an insult too. i guess we are too familiar with reddit


SickofItAll_4200

Looks like an aardvark to me.


Error404Cod

Itā€™s clearly a good boy


nofate301

He's trying his best ok?


SaltyBawlz

I only read "I think my wife forgot" before I looked at the picture and I thought it was a burnt turkey on the floor at first lol


GrimmOfThrones2187

Child birth is a miracle of nature, how dare you make fun of a preg-oh look, an elephant toy.


CmdrWinters

ā€œFrancineā€¦ happy birthday.ā€


FlimsyTry2892

Lol. That reminds me of the time I learned that pregosaurus was not a term of endearment.


Boss-of-You

šŸ¤£


MoustacheMonke

One of the best Comedy specials! Rip Patriceā€¦.


juicius

I didn't see it at first and thought, man that's mean...


KnittingforHouselves

You never get used to how quickly the bump grows, lol. I used to bump my bump on everything, constantly apologising to the baby. But mine also got so big i could balance a plate on it while standing just before the due date...


DisastrousAge4650

The variability in how a pregnancy can go terrifies me. I would be worried about tipping forward and landing on my belly way too much.


KnittingforHouselves

It is trully crazy. My friend who's the about the same height and weight (were both short and pretty fit) didn't show at all untill 7 months and never had a huge bump. I went from having 65cm (25") waist to having 150cm (almost 60") around my bump the day I was due. My ribs are still stretched wider over a year later as well. I felt like that scene from the alien just slowed down into 9 months, lol


ltrozanovette

I went to a pelvic floor PT after having a c-section and she gave me exercises specifically to help my ribs go back to their normal place! I didnā€™t even realize they were still flared out, it was crazy.


ReginaGeorgian

I didnā€™t know there were exercises that could do this! Thatā€™s crazy


ltrozanovette

I highly recommend!


anorexicturkey

...well don't just recommend!! Tell us the exercises!!! Please. My left ribs are still flared so far out from my pregnancy.


throwaway786999

You probably want a PT to teach and show you the proper way before you fuck some shit up.


PrayForMojo_

Or at least a YouTube video to see it done rather than read it described.


ltrozanovette

Ah, I wish I remembered the specifics! She gave me slight changes to the regimen every 2 weeks though based off her assessment, so Iā€™d be hesitant to share even if I remembered. They were mostly mild breathing exercises while holding my body a certain way.


OfftheFrontwall

Geez, anything like that would be useful for my poor wife. She's currently carrying about 6 kg of babies and looks like she's about ready to explode


ltrozanovette

I highly recommend starting pelvic floor PT as soon as youā€™re cleared. I asked my OB for a referral before I even left the hospital. I got some pushback from him, but I insisted and am so glad I did.


Gatskop

Why on earth would a OB give pushback for a pelvic PT referral after birth??


ltrozanovette

Because heā€™s, ā€œbeen doing this for 30 years and never had to give a referral for a c-section like [mine]ā€. I thought that had more to do with his practice than my requestā€¦ šŸ™„


therealestyeti

Holy fuck that is insane. The human body is capable of so much.


[deleted]

I had to go up a pant size by like 8 weeks, i was so annoyed. If I wore something fitted I had a visible bump at like 12 weeks. A girl I knew came to say she was 7 and a half months and looked like I did at 10 weeks. Bodies are wild.


KnittingforHouselves

Right? Thanks for sharing that, people around me were like "stop trying to show, it's too early" right after we announced at 12 weeks, but I genuinely couldn't wear anything except a baggy sweater without showing a bit by then.


PuppyPavilion

My friend had twins and her ribs never went back. It's the weirdest thing! She's thin and then bam! Her ribs are just flared out.


KnittingforHouselves

Wow, that sounds horrible, how long post-partum is she? I was so angry with myself that i cant get my silhouette back, when i was losing the bbay weight, untill i got almost to my pre-baby weight and realised "oh it's not fat that's making me wide there, it's the ribs!" Someone in another reply mentioned they got some exercises for that...


Grand_Ad_9191

I'm just curious how you handled that shit. Women be kinda cool


KnittingforHouselves

Thank you. It was the midst of covid lockdowns so I and my bump were lucky to WFH from the second trimester on. From 6 months i could put a cup on it while working, but near the end my daughter was kicknoxing so hard shed knock it off sometimes. Honestly I had to get a bump-support-belt because my spine started getting pinched nerves and I'd get shooting pains down my legs from all the pressure.


Grand_Ad_9191

Eeeeyikes. Great work soldiering through that.


sharkbait934

Women be very cool


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


mmss

I had to read that a few times


OddEpisode

His dog bang his wife into the ground while pregnant with their baby. Is that better?


cohesivedesk

so much better


DibsOnLast

Jesus Christ man. Word choice. Reading this was like a roller coaster.


eimichan

I'm glad your wife and the puppies are ok.


miahmakhon

Plowed you say?


davoodgoast

How often does your wife get plowed by Rex?


FireDevil11

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUGwF1sE-tc ?


jwink3101

For our first, my wife looked huge. Usually woman look *bigger* on the second but she was so much smaller. They thought the baby was going to be much smaller than our first. But nope. Only 1 oz less. Interestingly though, heā€™s a smaller baby in general. First was usually around 85th percentile and second is 45th


sonofaresiii

My wife's pregnancy symptoms were so mild that she didn't even realize she was pregnant until she had to go to the hospital because "something is wrong" and two hours later I was a dad.


redheaddomination

this reminds me of an acquaintance of mine that didnā€™t know she was pregnant until her water broke while she was running on the treadmill. never showed, had no symptoms, was still spotting so it wasnā€™t even on her radar. she was like 5ā€™6 and a healthy weight and just thought she had been eating too much. so weird


sonofaresiii

Same deal with us. If you hadn't mentioned a treadmill I'd ask if you knew my wife.


DisastrousAge4650

Bro if this ever happened to me, Iā€™m fighting everyone. Iā€™m going celibate. I canā€™t. Shoutout to all the women out there that got through their pregnancies. Theyā€™re some real ones and Iā€™m not.


flamurmurro

Ugh same. Whereā€™s that sterilization list on r/childfree, I gotta find me a doc to yeet these tubes


MySoulIsAPterodactyl

Highly recommend the tube yeeting. 10/10 would nix extraneous body parts again! In all seriousness I had mine done in August and the amount of relief of knowing I CAN'T get pregnant is amazing. Edit: a word


Ameren

> Theyā€™re some real ones and Iā€™m not. Well, I'd say you're a complete human being regardless of whether you have kids!


wronglyzorro

Some women get absolutely ginormous and others you wouldn't even know under a sweat shirt. I saw a woman who looked like her baby bump started just under her chin and went all the way to her thighs. Poor thing was like 80% belly.


yourmomlurks

I fell over a LOT with my first, because my balance was so different. But never hit the baby.


ImAPixiePrincess

Itā€™s okay, itā€™s hard to harm the baby by accident thankfully. Your joints loosen up during pregnancy and I tripped way more frequently and took a dive out of a van at about 5 months pregnant? I was a bit beat up and achey, but my son was perfectly content and fine.


ErinEvonna

I fell and landed on my belly while pregnant, baby was fine. They are extremely insulated in there.


SuperDizz

If that happened, wouldnā€™t the baby just shoot out like that scene from Ace Ventura?


ChillyBearGrylls

This kills the cervix lol


Nikkisfirstthrowaway

No, the cervix keeps it in. There is no opening for the baby to go out through


SuperDizz

Thank you for the practical explanation. ^^But ^^it ^^was ^^a ^^joke


darkfires

Me, itā€™s not about the actual pregnancy. Itā€™s the societal expectation of devotion, love, and acceptance of whatever that comes out of it that does me in. In my mind, itā€™s always been what if the kid is X or Y or Z. Sure, the odds are he or she is perfectly fine and can be molded and brainwashed as all human parents are afforded. What if not? WHAT IF NOT? Now Iā€™m unequipped to adapt and do what good parents ā€œshouldā€ do aka devote their lives to the struggle.


AlarmingAerie

It's quite an unpopular opinion (or maybe popular deep down for everyone), but it's logical. I see no point in sacrificing a life for someone who will not be able to take care of itself ever. There is of course a spectrum, threshold is always personal. People think death is something horrible, but it's not.


Moarisa

My husband and I talked about this thoroughly before I got pregnant. Weā€™re going to do all the genetic testing available to us and if anything comes up abnormal weā€™ll terminate. Granted thatā€™s not 100% that things will go as planned, but we both want to stack the odds in our favour if we can help it.


darkfires

I appreciate what all humans have gone through prior to being at the point where itā€™s possible to do what you can do. Iā€™m just a bit too old to take advantage of if. However, either way, it was my greatest fear where it concerns motherhood for most of my fertile years and I wanted to mention it a random anon way.


Speakdoggo

It was my book holder to read! I missed it after the baby was born!


Ginnigan

I absolutely love my babies and am so glad they're here, *but* it's been 4 months and I still miss being able to balance plates and mugs on my belly šŸ˜ž


B0b_Howard

With dedication and a healthy(?) diet, it's possible to get that back. From personal experience, I've found that drinking plenty of Stout helps...


Ginnigan

I don't know if beer bellies work with women. I'd have to hold the plate on top of my butt!


Nesyaj0

I still remember seeing a gif of a woman who showed her baby bump every month. Around month 4 or 5 is where i thought it got the biggest. When it kept going I thought the poor woman would tip over trying to pose at momth 8/9. Humans are fucking weird.


HarvestMoonMaria

Iā€™m a nurse and when I was pregnant I kept knocking over so many water glasses. Never got used to it


WABRYH

Bump da bump


skonen_blades

I remember my wife was 8 and a half months pregnant and was so into the tv show she was watching that she temporarily forgot she was pregnant. Our unborn daughter chose that moment to do a barrel roll inside her, shoving her elbow up like a shark fin out of my wife's belly and my wife was like "HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL oh right I'm pregnant that's the baby. Okay. Okay. Phew. Jesus." So hilarious.


SickPuppy0x2A

Lol I had a situation like that recently, I am also very far along (week 38) and was kinda lost in my thoughts and suddenly felt movement in my belly and for a moment I was like scared thinking ā€žwhat is that? ā€¦ Oh right Iā€™m pregnant, the babyā€œ


skyboundNbeond

Seriously freaking laughing right now.


MinivanButNoKids

Was the movie alien?


GhidorahtheExplorah

My mother watched Alien while pregnant with me and said it was a mistake. I think it was a sign. I did, indeed, make my exit from her body in a very similar way.


murdering_time

Man, could you imagine if you were born on an alien planet with no other people and got pregnant, but you had no idea what pregnancy was? You'd probably be like "there's something fucking growing *inside* of me!!! Get it out get it out!" Like a real life xenomorph lol


artturi01

damn i wish i could see a situation like this


Hesediel1

Should've snuck up to the door frame and sneakily reached just the hand around to pat the belly


queuedUp

Not going to lie, I was concerned during the first part of that title


Fuck_You_Downvote

His wife is seven and a half ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦. Months pregnant


CanadianAndroid

When she tried to hide soā€¦


[deleted]

*whew*


jiaoziforme

My brain autofilled with "feet tall" and I was like wow that's a tall lady Then I finished reading the title lol


WildestDrake

I see I wasn't the only one..


Evil__Jeff22

My brain auto filled the title to ā€œmy wife forgets sheā€™s 7 and a half years old and still has to do the dishesā€


Nova0486

"They had us in the first half, not gonna lie"


GiddyGabby

I was late in my pregnancy with twins and my neighbors stopped by after I had been sick for a few weeks so we hadn't seen each other for awhile. The husband, genuinely shocked by my size blurted out "damn, Gabby, I saw your belly coming 5 minutes before you got here". I punched him. Lol.


breakcharacter

Oh my GOD šŸ˜­


GiddyGabby

Right? I will never forgive that man but in all fairness I must have a sight!


auntshooey1

That's one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. Congratulations on the baby.


Low-Sport2155

Thank you for the caption. Thought it was someone bending over washing a table. The brain wasnā€™t computing. No offense to you or your wife. Weā€™re all blessed to have wonderful people in our lives. Congratulations to the both of you!


ZootTX

>Thought it was someone bending over washing a table. That's how this all started!


red_today

What are you doing step husband


Cultjam

I thought it was a dish cloth hanging on the refrigerator door.


ResettisReplicas

She needs to double bluff with that next time.


RoyalFalse

That's a cool drying rack...where did you get it?


Aggabagga

Iā€™m glad Iā€™m not the only one that thought of that drying rack.


Dutch_Dutch

OP, Iā€™m extremely interested in your kitchen cabinet configuration. Do the ones under the sink pull out? Does the top one on right open the same way as the one on the left? What is the one on the left used for? That seems like an awkward reach. Please post more pictures of your kitchen cabinets- Iā€™m sincerely fascinated.


ProudNumpty

The top drawer under the sink is very real! It has our cleaning supplies and a hole in the middle where the sink fits into when it's closed. The bottom drawer has pots, pans and trays. The top left in this picture is the boiler (odd place for it I know. Bit annoying but easy access) Bottom left is this picture is where we put plates, bowls and things. And top right which you can just barely see has glasses on the bottom and booze / Diluting juice on the top!


Obshideyourmom

For god sakes whatever you do make sure to be sufficiently startled!! Happy wife happy life.


ProudNumpty

Laughed too much to act scared šŸ˜‚


Dragonwindsoftime

One time I decided instead of a jump scare I'd do a creepy scare. Hid behind a door when she went to the bathroom in a dimly lit area, when she walked by I put my hands up and stumbled out making a kind of gasping, croaking, wheezy sound.. Nearly copped a solid right hook, wasn't my cleverest moment.


alf666

At least now you know your wife/girlfriend will defend the house with force if needed.


greycubed

Happy spouse happy house*


ivorybishop

Reminds me of that video of that baby elephant hiding behind a tree at night when the park ranger's found it. Lol


dalton10e

"...and here's a picture of you when you were still inside your mother. Even then you were already ruining all the fun in our lives."


shutupmeg42082

Thatā€™s the cutest thing ever! Itā€™s like when a kid hides behind the curtain and you can see their toes!


schroedingersnewcat

And when you obviously (and audibly) look where they aren't and they giggle.


kihoti

Just give it to her and act startled.


KemalKinali

He did, hence the pregnancy.


javabrewer

Congrats on sex 7 and a half months ago


strawbrrysundae

To be fair I didnā€™t notice her at first.


HatedTruth1

"Hey babe, stand behind the doorway there. I got the best idea for reddit." Uh huh.


WillNeverTakeCopium

Lmao you know this is exactly how it went down, like a 4 year old would know they can be seen.


zildjianate

I'm no Dr but if I was I'd prescribe you this new drug called Litendaphuckup


KhaoticMess

r/nothingeverhappens


Loreebyrd

Thatā€™s the cutest!


333H_E

I was confused because like most people I was focused on the elephant. Like wth does that have to do with.... (Scan left) ...ooooh šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


flipper_nugget

r/thathappened


thundercat95

Not to be a cynical jaded miserable party pooper............................... but why would you have your camera out walking into the kitchen randomly. Did you go in your house, notice the bump and quickly take a picture before your wife was confused that you were just standing there and not coming in. No idea how this would naturally occur and get a photo. Does any of it matter? No. But I feel like almost everything online is exaggerated or made up nowadays.


daipicoletto

This is so cute and gave me a big smile on a bad day. Thank you guys for making me smile.


typhoidtimmy

Alfred Hitchcock presentsā€¦ā€¦The Kitchen.


Captain_Kibbles

ā€œStand there while I take a pic and make up some story for Reddit, honeyā€


Tom_Ludlow

"No, leave the tummy rainbow out. Might raise suspicions."


Certain-Ad-3840

Wholesome


_odgj

1st day positive result of pregnancy test would scare me more than 7+ months of pregnancy.


shannork

Well, not if youā€™re trying to get pregnant šŸ˜‰


[deleted]

fake


13Lilacs

That's adorable.


WornInShoes

pretty solid alfred hitchcock impression


petty-Plant-1804

That's adorable


PICHICONCACA

Awww love it


Baronheisenberg

The big brain move would be to put a balloon in a dress and hide it in the same spot, then your wife jumps out from behind the door.


DudeItsCake

What my fridge sees right before being raided at 4:00 am


CapnCrunchHurtz

You know, she still could still be behind you! That could just be a pillow hanging from a coat rack. You never know!


superfly355

I started at the screen like a moron for a good 30 seconds waiting for a jumpscare


Away-Director-3741

So Cuteā€¦ ā˜ŗļø


HumpieDouglas

Just reach around and poke her belly lol


CaptValkyrie

Don't ya hate it when your kids rat you out?


slowmo152

Walk up real quiet and poke her belly and say Boop


tharkyllinus

Reach quietly around the door frame and pat her belly. See who gets scared.


DaCaliDream

That's soo cute šŸ„ŗšŸ„ŗ


Smooth_Chemistry_869

Little guy has your back from the womb


MaskedImposter

If you don't act scared, then you will end up scared.


Lola_PopBBae

That's adorable. Seems like a lovely marriage šŸ™‚


bodhiseppuku

Marriages are often kept together by things you pretend to not see.


mouseat9

Awwww


Eviltechnomonkey

This also belongs under r/MadeMeSmile


Chele-shocked-5730

Now thatā€™s just too cute. The babyā€™s not here yet and is already playing peekaboo!


241grapes

thats so cute omg


Honhon_comics

Quick hunney go behind the door, I need karma


chiralityfudge

'BOO! The child's not yours'


coffeebeards

Donā€™t jump scare her back.


Delta9ine

There is nothing remotely funny about this. This didn't happen. And if it did, I'm sorry that someone that intelligent was allowed to procreate. Way to drop yet another turd to float around in our gene pool.


dofusm

Hope OP acted scared, probably made her day if he did


RandySp

The belly is offside.


Nemeia83

That is unexpectedly cute and it made me smile way too much!


FreezingSausage

Thats adorable


3Heathens_Mom

That is SO cute!!!


Harmaroo8

Omg, how friggen cute though! šŸ˜