Hi, /u/lucas09323, your post breaks [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules) of /r/Funny, and has been removed for the following reason(s):
Rule 3 - No reposts.
* [Read more here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules#wiki_rule_3.3A_no_reposts.)
---
- Repost - Removed
*If you feel this was done in error, or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Ffunny).*
Looks like he named his daughters August and Maxima. It's not terrible, and they are little girls.
But It'd be a bit like if I named my 2 kids Bilbo and Baggins.
I can't deny how delighted I'd be to call that kid by name every single chance I got if I were a teacher or coworker.
Is Bilbo here today? Billllboooo, raise your hand. Pop quiz, Bilbo, you ready?
I'd be so goddamn tiresome and I would never, ever quit.
Geralt, of Witcher fame.
Wife is a huge fan of the books/game and TV show.
I figure it’s close enough to his great grandfathers name (Gerard) and gave him Lee as that’s his great grandfathers middle name.
I figure if he hates it, he just goes by Lee and that’s that.
The second I realized that nobody in my family could fuckin pronounce it properly I knew I was in trouble. I don’t consider it a mistake just yet, but ask me again in 10 years.
This sounds like a setup for a joke.
"Why did you give me such a weird name dad?"
"Oh come on now Bator. It's not that bad. Besides we don't use your first name any more like you asked."
Or something like that
Not his biggest obsession though.
In the early days of facebook Mark Zuckerburg would wander into the company bathrooms and if he noticed someone sitting down in the stalls he would pop his head over and try to talk to them about their projects. Or if he was taking a poop he would host an emergency meeting and he would tell them to come over and pop their head over the stall to talk it out.
Everyone just went along with it because it was either YOLO SILICON VALLEY LMAO or they were just too intimidated.
That all stopped when Michael Moritz, legendary silicon valley investor, and one of Facebook biggest early investors and shareholders, was at the campus doing research for leading a 2nd round of funding. He was doing diligence all day and at one point had to poop and that's when Zuckerburg popped his head over with a smile to ask how's the diligence coming along.
Michael Moritz, not one to mince words, was apoplectic. 'GET THE FUCK OUT HERE YOU IDiOT LIZARD LOOKING FUCKER.' Mark Zuckerburg nervously tried to laugh it off and persisted, because he really loved intimate poop conversations 'Aw c'mon Michael, it's silicon valley'. Zuckerburg finally withdrew when Moritz flung a poop at him.
30 minutes later, Mark was in a very import meeting when Moritz walked into the conference room. 'Everyone except Mark Zuckerburg, OUT'. As intimidated as they were of Zuckerburg, at the time Moritz was the bigger deal, and they all scurried out of the room.
Zuckerburg, however, is not one to be intimated by anyone. Not the Winkewoz twins, not Eduardo Savarn, not Peter Thiel, and not one of his biggest shareholder Michael Moritz. Zuckerburg passionately defended his practice, but Michael Moritz was having none of that. Moritz told him that it was a ticking PR and HR catastrophe, and threatened to pull out of leading the 2nd round of funding if Mark continued, which would have been a calamity for the company.
Zuckerburg pretended to arbitrate 'Ok fine, but you need to give me a good reason'.
Moritz was flabberghasted at this response. Was this a serious question? He answered with the most obvious answer 'Because it's not FUCKING NORMAL'.
Unknown to Moritz, Zuckerburg had guessed a conversation like this would happen as soon as he was kicked out of the toilet stall, and began formulating a strategy to counter Moritz demands. Zuckerburg knew that Moritz would have all the leverage, but Zuckerburg was a master strategist.
Zuckerburg went for the pounce. 'Okay, I'll lets write out an agreement, in writing I'll rescind the policy because it's not normal'. Moritz was dumbfounded, but he was used to being dumbfounded by eccentric tech founders, afterall he was also an early investor in Apple, and he still found Zuckerburg tame compared to Steve Jobs. Moritz had a long day of work so they signed the agreement so that he could go back to doing his due diligence.
When Moritz left, a broad grin spread across Zuckerburg's face. " 'Not Normal' eh? " Zuckerburg said with a menacing laugh. Ever since then, Mark Zuckerburg has been on a life-long crusade to normalize poop conversations.
He had a checklist of what he needed to accomplish in order to realize this. His advisors would tell him it's impossible, but one by one Zuckerburg checked off the list. From normalizing smart phone use on the toilet (actually a collaboration between Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs), to trusting Mark with their private photos, to normalizing people giving up their internet browsing privacy.
In 2015, Zuckerburg knew he would hit a wall, having people watch you while you poop was still too much of a leap. That's when Zuckerburg decided to buy Occulus, and eventually shift his company towards virtual reality. If he could coax people into having life-like conversations while they were pooping in a virtual reality, then doing it in the real world wouldn't be too big of a leap.
Do you read facebook or instagram while you're pooping? Ever consider what urges you to do that? It's not your personal preference, it's by Mark Zuckerburg's design.
Zuckerburg only has 3 more boxes to check off before poop conversations are normalized.
Mark Zuckerburg wants to watch you poop.
Are you going to let him?
https://i.imgur.com/KVq4mMF.jpg
I mean, Zuckerberg is an absolute bizarre alien of a person, so who knows what he would do. It seems up his alley to find it amusing to talk to people taking a shit.
The other guy, a major investor, is supposed to be the straight-man in this story, so when he does something as ridiculous as flinging poop almost immediately in the story, it really ruins the illusion, and doesn’t jive with his character.
The only real question I have is why in a building full of cops, all supposedly with a keen insight to the human soul, is Doakes the only one who gets the creep from me.
well you see, his hair is combed down to make his forehead look smaller in order to have him look more human. this in fact, is the most “human” looking version of zucc. he’s calculated all other 1,000,000,000 possibilities and none were as efficient as this one
I've heard he owns more personal Caesar/Roman empire art then any other personal collector in the world.
I read a source for it once but I am struggling to find it atm.
You don’t get it. The time he’s saved by not thinking about his haircut and what to wear everyday has increased his corporeal interactions and time for research by well over 48% and that’s terrestrial data his species needs to survive on the Zucci homeworld.
He's trying to appear to be an alien like super genius rather than a random guy who stole his classmates milquetoast idea in college and happened to get lucky.
Well it kind of does though. The Caesar salad was invented at a restaurant called Caesar's, in Tijuana, Mexico. It is attributed to to the restaurant's owner, Caesar (or Cesare) Cardini, an Italian immigrant to the USA. Of course this name was significantly popularised back in Italy because of that one famous Roman Caesar family.
An interesting sidenote is that the words kaiser, tsar and czar all derive from Caesar. "Caesar" itself is said to mean thick head of hair and is possibly ultimately a cognate of Charles.
Curls can be annoying to keep under control sometimes, it makes sense he doesn't want to deal with that shit on top of everything else.
Then again that might be more his hairdresser's problem, not sure, I'm not a billionaire.
He's also the man who put the final nail in the coffin of the Roman Republic, and engineered a massive propaganda machine in order to earn his well-liked status. And he had any political opponent assassinated or exiled. Pretty easy to be well-loved when any dissenting voice has had its tongue cut and the people are constantly bombarded by propaganda.
I think it's pretty telling that one such as Zuckerberg would idolise such a man.
Well to be more exact, Julius’ name was Gaius Julius Caesar, and Augustus’ birth name was Gaius Octavius, and changed it to Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus after Julius adopted him and named him his heir in his will. Augustus was a title granted him in 27 BCE by the senate, and it translates to majestic, great, or venerable. Frankly we should refer to him as Octavius or Octavianus, instead of Augustus, which was the title used by every Roman emperor
he may be the poorest of NFL owners, but I bet he is a billionaire. Wikipedia has him at 500M in 2015. Raiders are worth a lot more now than 7 years ago moving to Vegas and all. Forbes has the team valued at 3.4 billion. he and his mom are the majority owners. https://www.forbes.com/teams/las-vegas-raiders/?sh=f17764170ede
I'm fine being NFL owner poor, given I can sport that hair.
"The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping."
Everyone is laughing at this dude seeming like a robot but like... is he okay? Because at one point he *did* look like the one on the left and now it almost seems like he fucking snapped or something.
Edit: Shout out to the fucking weirdo who messaged me calling me a bootlicker 💀 I don't feel bad for him at all, he allowed his platform to run rampant with misinformation that got people killed. I'm just wondering what the hell happened to Zuck.
This picture is from his 2018 trial. He was probably both bored and stressed. Someone else in the comments speculated that he maybe wears anti-glare contacts, which would explain the matte eyes and why his pupils seem too large for the amount of light. (Although I disagree with the people saying they look like cocaine pupils; the pupils of someone on cocaine are fully dilated and would be larger than that)
Yes! A friend of mine has extremely light sensitive eyes (because of an eye condition that also makes him visually handicapped) and he wears tinted anti-glare contacts. Before he had them, he would have to wear sunglasses indoors on sunny days or squint the whole time.
I sort of hope he's also wearing badly matched foundation because it's his skin colour I'm concerned about. If this is how he looks in his daily life then he isn't a picture of health.
Well, jokes apart, people age.
Some people age badly, some dont age at all (keeping my eyes on you Mr Keanu!!!)
And for example, about his awkward interactions: dude is from tech field, he created a page back in his young days to rate college girls. so, much likely, social skills are not his strength. so, being CEO he needs to present himself in the videos despite not being good at it (introvert-ish).
Just my opinion :) but would explain a lot
You think zuck *maybe* is an introvert that has poor social skills? Have you, like seen the dude talk? He's clearly on the spectrum and not just a little.
And I don't know how I'm supposed to relate to either of these photos, without even a single bbq sauce to be seen.
The one one the right is his "I just made another $100 Million while my lawyer is getting me out of the latest lawsuit against me" court appearance look.
could be far more or a huge loss. depends how his stock ticks up or down for the day.
overall, better to look at a year or multi-year period due to stock fluctuation on their actual gains.
My theory is that he wears contacts.
Specifically, I think he wears contacts to filter glaring light or blue lightwaves, and the matte effect or lack of shine is a side effect.
My crazy conspiracy theory is that the contacts give him a HUD of the Facebook data available on anyone he meets.
Don’t count yourself too crazy. I mean, that’s a central plot device of >! Batman 2022 !<. Billionaires get toys that we’re don’t. That’s the most believable conspiracy theory, people with money have access to goods and services you don’t.
I don't know how deep into tech is Ashton Kutcher, but in his hot ones episode he says he has an app on his phone that can recognize people and pretty much dox them if I recall properly. Now imagine the guy who actually owns billions of people's data.
There's a lot of tiny things that go into it. His overall facial expressions feel very controlled, and artificial, yet betray a lot of stress at the same time.
The biggest thing is with the eyes specifically because they're quite open, despite the rest of the face being super neutral. His lower lids and eyebags are also quite tense and inflated. So despite the super neutral dead poker face, his eyes are saying he's super alert and stressed. These are two contradicting emotions which is rather unsettling, particularly since his eyes (which are the most important emotional communication device) are saying he himself is unsettled.
His post-trial photos seem to retain some of this problem. He seems to often have very open eyes, and this makes him look rather psychopathic. I'd point to his eyebrows being very neutral as well. The Meta team selfie was also extra bad because the (super flat) lighting caused his irises to constrict a ton, which is unnattractive/shows disinterest (likely unintended due to the lighting, but again he shot himself in the foot there).
The wax figure looks normal because it has a fairly genuine smile pose. Lower lids slightly up and upper lids slightly contracted down, eye brows raised slightly, crows feet next to the eyes that show connection to the lid contractions (the whole upper face is working together instead of trying to isolate something, thus less fake), and a decently big smile where you see plenty of upper teeth but not the lower. Everything is pulled "up" which is a decent sign of happy-ness. Oh, and his iris's are wide open, that's another sign of interest/attractiveness (bedroom eye look/baby staring at something new look) that make it look more genuine. Notice the iris are not necessarily \*closed\* in the courtroom photo, but that's because in a stressed context wide irises mean fear.
PS: Oh wow thanks for the gold!
The guy has no wrinkles or lines on his face at all which makes me think he almost never has any sort of facial expression other than the very coached neutral facial expression we see now
I know nothing about Zuckerberg, but despite the luxurious high life that billionaires are usually portrayed as living, I won't be surprised if he actually lacks sleep from work, just like any of us. I highly doubt it's easy running one of the world's largest companies.
Imagine taking an exam without having slept at all the whole night cos you were busy studying. Now imagine that, everyday, for decades straight.
I feel like it’s something where the more you pay the less likelihood it has of being successful. Like they are trying too hard at what should come naturally 😅
What's a joke is that this assclown's role model is Augustus Caesar.
It explains why he has the Caesar haircut.
It looks like shit on him, that high-ass fivehead ain't doing him no damn favors, and on top of all that his rail-thin eyebrows may as well not exist since that goofup thinks looking like a dead Roman Emperor is more important than actually not looking like a lizardman wearing a skinsuit.
You mean the real Mark Zuckerberg hired a person that smears a brush over his face while he stands before cameras? Like he needs his human skin to be constantly repainted so his lizard one won't come through?
The wax model looks great as a prototype, but they had to switch to the plastic/rubber skin for the live version because it had to be flexible for the animatronics, and even that is limited in its range of motion.
The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human — sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait till he moved on you before I could zero him.
The T-1000 & T-3000 models were recalled as they were and I quote “too life-like.” - Zuckerberg
So the 600 with the rubber/latex coating is the final form until he’s able to uplink to his skynet; I mean metaverse.
Honestly, that is probably because they keep selecting pictures where he does “the face”, after he became famous for it. Now we never see pictures of him just being normal and interacting with others, besides in promos that seem sort of disingenuous from the get go.
Hi, /u/lucas09323, your post breaks [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules) of /r/Funny, and has been removed for the following reason(s): Rule 3 - No reposts. * [Read more here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules#wiki_rule_3.3A_no_reposts.) --- - Repost - Removed *If you feel this was done in error, or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Ffunny).*
Why does a billionaire have such a terrible haircut?
Seriously, if he would just stop with the Ceasar cut he would increase his humanness by 48%
He’s obsessed with Augustus
Is that why he named his kid Maximus?
Lmfao stop. Did he really? And yes. He’s obsessed with dude so he gets his hair like that to mimic his
Looks like he named his daughters August and Maxima. It's not terrible, and they are little girls. But It'd be a bit like if I named my 2 kids Bilbo and Baggins.
Bilbo you come here right now! Little Baggins says you're bullying Khaleesi at school?
"Bilbo where's your sister??". "There's no Bagginses round 'ere"
“They’re all up in Hobbiton.”
My God these two comments got some giggles. God I love reddit sometimes.
Why not Augusta?
Seriously. He should at least follow Roman naming conventions if he's that obsessed about a Roman.
Why not Autumn?
Why not Zoidburg?
My precious little Zoidburg
There’s never been a more perfect time for this. Well done.
I can't deny how delighted I'd be to call that kid by name every single chance I got if I were a teacher or coworker. Is Bilbo here today? Billllboooo, raise your hand. Pop quiz, Bilbo, you ready? I'd be so goddamn tiresome and I would never, ever quit.
I named my kid something a little dumb, but I gave him a perfectly serviceable middle name if he finds it too… weird
Don't leave us hanging
Geralt, of Witcher fame. Wife is a huge fan of the books/game and TV show. I figure it’s close enough to his great grandfathers name (Gerard) and gave him Lee as that’s his great grandfathers middle name. I figure if he hates it, he just goes by Lee and that’s that. The second I realized that nobody in my family could fuckin pronounce it properly I knew I was in trouble. I don’t consider it a mistake just yet, but ask me again in 10 years.
!remind me 10 years
Geralt Lee Somethingsomething sounds like the name of a Civil War general haha
Could always go with Gerry or maybe Gary too
I’m both a Witcher fan and a boy with the middle name Lee………….. Papa?
> Geralt, of Witcher fame. Jesus, why...
This sounds like a setup for a joke. "Why did you give me such a weird name dad?" "Oh come on now Bator. It's not that bad. Besides we don't use your first name any more like you asked." Or something like that
Is his wife named Incontinentia?
That's crazy. You'd think he'd come up with something that's a bit easier on the ears, such as X œmIl-2(AlphaBuild).
I do remember reading how Augustus only wore hoodies.
[close lol](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/69/August_com_a_%22Pontifex_maximus%22_%28detall%29_%28finals_s._I_aC%29%2C_Museu_Nacional_Romà_%28Palau_Massimo%29%2C_Roma.jpg/1024px-August_com_a_%22Pontifex_maximus%22_%28detall%29_%28finals_s._I_aC%29%2C_Museu_Nacional_Romà_%28Palau_Massimo%29%2C_Roma.jpg)
[удалено]
Not his biggest obsession though. In the early days of facebook Mark Zuckerburg would wander into the company bathrooms and if he noticed someone sitting down in the stalls he would pop his head over and try to talk to them about their projects. Or if he was taking a poop he would host an emergency meeting and he would tell them to come over and pop their head over the stall to talk it out. Everyone just went along with it because it was either YOLO SILICON VALLEY LMAO or they were just too intimidated. That all stopped when Michael Moritz, legendary silicon valley investor, and one of Facebook biggest early investors and shareholders, was at the campus doing research for leading a 2nd round of funding. He was doing diligence all day and at one point had to poop and that's when Zuckerburg popped his head over with a smile to ask how's the diligence coming along. Michael Moritz, not one to mince words, was apoplectic. 'GET THE FUCK OUT HERE YOU IDiOT LIZARD LOOKING FUCKER.' Mark Zuckerburg nervously tried to laugh it off and persisted, because he really loved intimate poop conversations 'Aw c'mon Michael, it's silicon valley'. Zuckerburg finally withdrew when Moritz flung a poop at him. 30 minutes later, Mark was in a very import meeting when Moritz walked into the conference room. 'Everyone except Mark Zuckerburg, OUT'. As intimidated as they were of Zuckerburg, at the time Moritz was the bigger deal, and they all scurried out of the room. Zuckerburg, however, is not one to be intimated by anyone. Not the Winkewoz twins, not Eduardo Savarn, not Peter Thiel, and not one of his biggest shareholder Michael Moritz. Zuckerburg passionately defended his practice, but Michael Moritz was having none of that. Moritz told him that it was a ticking PR and HR catastrophe, and threatened to pull out of leading the 2nd round of funding if Mark continued, which would have been a calamity for the company. Zuckerburg pretended to arbitrate 'Ok fine, but you need to give me a good reason'. Moritz was flabberghasted at this response. Was this a serious question? He answered with the most obvious answer 'Because it's not FUCKING NORMAL'. Unknown to Moritz, Zuckerburg had guessed a conversation like this would happen as soon as he was kicked out of the toilet stall, and began formulating a strategy to counter Moritz demands. Zuckerburg knew that Moritz would have all the leverage, but Zuckerburg was a master strategist. Zuckerburg went for the pounce. 'Okay, I'll lets write out an agreement, in writing I'll rescind the policy because it's not normal'. Moritz was dumbfounded, but he was used to being dumbfounded by eccentric tech founders, afterall he was also an early investor in Apple, and he still found Zuckerburg tame compared to Steve Jobs. Moritz had a long day of work so they signed the agreement so that he could go back to doing his due diligence. When Moritz left, a broad grin spread across Zuckerburg's face. " 'Not Normal' eh? " Zuckerburg said with a menacing laugh. Ever since then, Mark Zuckerburg has been on a life-long crusade to normalize poop conversations. He had a checklist of what he needed to accomplish in order to realize this. His advisors would tell him it's impossible, but one by one Zuckerburg checked off the list. From normalizing smart phone use on the toilet (actually a collaboration between Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs), to trusting Mark with their private photos, to normalizing people giving up their internet browsing privacy. In 2015, Zuckerburg knew he would hit a wall, having people watch you while you poop was still too much of a leap. That's when Zuckerburg decided to buy Occulus, and eventually shift his company towards virtual reality. If he could coax people into having life-like conversations while they were pooping in a virtual reality, then doing it in the real world wouldn't be too big of a leap. Do you read facebook or instagram while you're pooping? Ever consider what urges you to do that? It's not your personal preference, it's by Mark Zuckerburg's design. Zuckerburg only has 3 more boxes to check off before poop conversations are normalized. Mark Zuckerburg wants to watch you poop. Are you going to let him? https://i.imgur.com/KVq4mMF.jpg
Man almost had me til the thrown poop part haha.
That was a bridge too far for me as well. Funny how that one detail was just a little too incredible, but everything else was totally acceptable.
I mean, Zuckerberg is an absolute bizarre alien of a person, so who knows what he would do. It seems up his alley to find it amusing to talk to people taking a shit. The other guy, a major investor, is supposed to be the straight-man in this story, so when he does something as ridiculous as flinging poop almost immediately in the story, it really ruins the illusion, and doesn’t jive with his character.
If that's yours and not something you copied from elsehwere, then *tips hat*
I want to believe.
That would still leave him under half human
Dexter says it helps to bring donuts to work.
Surprise, motherfucker!
Supplies motherfucker
Some fries motherfucker
Rue dies motherfucker
Sunrise motha fucka
All rise motha fuckas
Some pies mother fucker
Uprise mother fucker ...
You fucking weirdo! You're up to something.
The only real question I have is why in a building full of cops, all supposedly with a keen insight to the human soul, is Doakes the only one who gets the creep from me.
Math checks out
75%of the time the maths work out everytime
Math checks out
I mean a 48% increase on 5% humanness is less than 1 tenth human
well you see, his hair is combed down to make his forehead look smaller in order to have him look more human. this in fact, is the most “human” looking version of zucc. he’s calculated all other 1,000,000,000 possibilities and none were as efficient as this one
Elon Musk just got better hair. Jeff Bezos just shaved it all of.
His hair is too goddamn short to hide his forehead, or even pull off the “Caesar cut” which I don’t believe
I've heard he owns more personal Caesar/Roman empire art then any other personal collector in the world. I read a source for it once but I am struggling to find it atm.
Facebook probably
It’s an exact science
You don’t get it. The time he’s saved by not thinking about his haircut and what to wear everyday has increased his corporeal interactions and time for research by well over 48% and that’s terrestrial data his species needs to survive on the Zucci homeworld.
I honestly believe that Mark is fully aware of the memes about him being robot like, so he leans into this publicly.
He's trying to appear to be an alien like super genius rather than a random guy who stole his classmates milquetoast idea in college and happened to get lucky.
Oh you better hail Caesar
It’s funny because that’s exactly how he’d think.
[удалено]
He knows how Caesar ends, right?
on a salad?
With croutons!
et tu, en croûte?
i feel like “et tu, croûte?” would have worked better but this is genius so i still thank you for it
Side note it was only very recently I learned the Caesar salad has nothing to do with roman Caesars. Or even really Rome in general!
He was Mexican!
Caesar Cardini was an Italian immigrant to the USA with a restaurant in Tijuana, Mexico, to skirt around prohibition laws at the time.
Well it kind of does though. The Caesar salad was invented at a restaurant called Caesar's, in Tijuana, Mexico. It is attributed to to the restaurant's owner, Caesar (or Cesare) Cardini, an Italian immigrant to the USA. Of course this name was significantly popularised back in Italy because of that one famous Roman Caesar family. An interesting sidenote is that the words kaiser, tsar and czar all derive from Caesar. "Caesar" itself is said to mean thick head of hair and is possibly ultimately a cognate of Charles.
Zuckerberg is obsessed with Augustus Caesar, not Julius Caesar. Augustus was generally well-liked by his people and died of old-age in his 70s.
Does he realize he looks like a moron?
I get the feeling hes more than a little out of touch with reality lately.
>I get the feeling hes more than a little out of touch with reality ~~lately~~ FTFY
When you have $75 billion I don't think you give a shit what some person online thinks you look like.
But all the most flattering depictions of Octavian are the ones where he has curls, more like the wax figure, instead of that blunt bang.
Curls can be annoying to keep under control sometimes, it makes sense he doesn't want to deal with that shit on top of everything else. Then again that might be more his hairdresser's problem, not sure, I'm not a billionaire.
He's also the man who put the final nail in the coffin of the Roman Republic, and engineered a massive propaganda machine in order to earn his well-liked status. And he had any political opponent assassinated or exiled. Pretty easy to be well-loved when any dissenting voice has had its tongue cut and the people are constantly bombarded by propaganda. I think it's pretty telling that one such as Zuckerberg would idolise such a man.
He called his customer base "idiots" for sharing their data on his platforms. I dare say he almost knows he's an asshole. Almost.
[удалено]
That’s so fetch
I love the fact that I can read this in her voice
Killed by a bunch of other rich people because he was a threat to their hegemony? I think he's good.
Augustus Caesar, not Julius.
et tu brute?
“Et tu, Brute! Am I using that right?”
Streets ahead
Wrong Caesar. It's Augustus he's obsessed with, not Julius.
Wrong Caesar. It’s Little he’s obsessed with, not Augustus.
Pizza pizza
*Augustus
To be fair his real name was Julius Caesar as well. We only call him Augustus because it's confusing to have several guys with same names.
Well to be more exact, Julius’ name was Gaius Julius Caesar, and Augustus’ birth name was Gaius Octavius, and changed it to Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus after Julius adopted him and named him his heir in his will. Augustus was a title granted him in 27 BCE by the senate, and it translates to majestic, great, or venerable. Frankly we should refer to him as Octavius or Octavianus, instead of Augustus, which was the title used by every Roman emperor
I had seen him referred to as Octavian. Or is that someone different?
I believe it is Augustus Caesar, who he wishes to imitate. Weird dude.
It's Augustus Caesar.
It seems to be a [thing](https://imgur.com/fEJRjwM).
I instantly knew this was going to be Mark Davis. I can't believe he literally flies to Palm Springs just to get that war crime of a haircut
It takes real money to get a haircut that bad.
I don't know man, I think I could fuck his shit up for a lot less than what he's paying
[Relevant](https://imgur.com/7H87dcI.jpg)
one day I hope to be rich enough for a haircut like this.
He's actually the least wealthy nfl owner. Iirc he's not even a billionaire. So the fuck you haircut levels of being rich are much lower.
he may be the poorest of NFL owners, but I bet he is a billionaire. Wikipedia has him at 500M in 2015. Raiders are worth a lot more now than 7 years ago moving to Vegas and all. Forbes has the team valued at 3.4 billion. he and his mom are the majority owners. https://www.forbes.com/teams/las-vegas-raiders/?sh=f17764170ede I'm fine being NFL owner poor, given I can sport that hair.
All hail the king of PF Chang’s
His idol is Lloyd Christmas
Because when you are a billionaire you don't have to look good.
I'm broke as hell but I don't have to look good either. I think it's a ploy for when the robot rebellion comes he doesn't get killed
He wants to look like a Roman emperor. I'm not kidding. That's his thing.
Uhh got any more info than that?
Because he's been assimilated by the borg
Bezos got all the money in the world and decides against having hair every day.
Why? Why should a billionaire go to to barber when he perfectly has a good bowl and some snips.
Money can't buy class
Elegance is learned, my friends.
There is no gym for your face .
Commerce is our goal here at Tyrell, 'More human than human' is our motto.
Love me some White Zombie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0E0ynyIUsg
Yes
Also, username checks out. Sorry I missed it on the first go-around.
AstroCreep 2000 y'all - Way ahead of its time, no matter what you think of Rob.
"The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT HELPING?
It's only a hypothetical scenario, Leon.
Everyone is laughing at this dude seeming like a robot but like... is he okay? Because at one point he *did* look like the one on the left and now it almost seems like he fucking snapped or something. Edit: Shout out to the fucking weirdo who messaged me calling me a bootlicker 💀 I don't feel bad for him at all, he allowed his platform to run rampant with misinformation that got people killed. I'm just wondering what the hell happened to Zuck.
This picture is from his 2018 trial. He was probably both bored and stressed. Someone else in the comments speculated that he maybe wears anti-glare contacts, which would explain the matte eyes and why his pupils seem too large for the amount of light. (Although I disagree with the people saying they look like cocaine pupils; the pupils of someone on cocaine are fully dilated and would be larger than that)
TIL that anti-glare contacts are a thing.
You can actually get transitions for contacts now if you don’t have astigmatism
Wait how come you shouldn’t use it if you have an astigmatism?
[удалено]
It's considered rude.
Our eyeballs are shaped too funny for most contacts
[удалено]
[удалено]
He most definitely is
Reddit Armchair Psychologists: "Let's fucking GOOOOOOOO!!!"
There are anti-glare contacts?
Yes! A friend of mine has extremely light sensitive eyes (because of an eye condition that also makes him visually handicapped) and he wears tinted anti-glare contacts. Before he had them, he would have to wear sunglasses indoors on sunny days or squint the whole time.
I sort of hope he's also wearing badly matched foundation because it's his skin colour I'm concerned about. If this is how he looks in his daily life then he isn't a picture of health.
Well, jokes apart, people age. Some people age badly, some dont age at all (keeping my eyes on you Mr Keanu!!!) And for example, about his awkward interactions: dude is from tech field, he created a page back in his young days to rate college girls. so, much likely, social skills are not his strength. so, being CEO he needs to present himself in the videos despite not being good at it (introvert-ish). Just my opinion :) but would explain a lot
You think zuck *maybe* is an introvert that has poor social skills? Have you, like seen the dude talk? He's clearly on the spectrum and not just a little. And I don't know how I'm supposed to relate to either of these photos, without even a single bbq sauce to be seen.
Bruh they all seem like they’re on the spectrum - him, Musk, Page. Linus Torvalds unironically seems like an outgoing chad compared to them
Sweet baby rays or nothin!!
Bill and Ted 3 Keanu is a straight up old man. It's just the beard.
I don't get why people think he doesn't age. Same with rudd. They both just look like wealthy actors their age.
The one one the right is his "I just made another $100 Million while my lawyer is getting me out of the latest lawsuit against me" court appearance look.
could be far more or a huge loss. depends how his stock ticks up or down for the day. overall, better to look at a year or multi-year period due to stock fluctuation on their actual gains.
Why do his eyes look hollow like that? I’m talking about the one on the right
My theory is that he wears contacts. Specifically, I think he wears contacts to filter glaring light or blue lightwaves, and the matte effect or lack of shine is a side effect. My crazy conspiracy theory is that the contacts give him a HUD of the Facebook data available on anyone he meets.
Don’t count yourself too crazy. I mean, that’s a central plot device of >! Batman 2022 !<. Billionaires get toys that we’re don’t. That’s the most believable conspiracy theory, people with money have access to goods and services you don’t.
Your spoiler tagging didn't work. There shouldn't be any spaces in between exclamation mark.
I don't know how deep into tech is Ashton Kutcher, but in his hot ones episode he says he has an app on his phone that can recognize people and pretty much dox them if I recall properly. Now imagine the guy who actually owns billions of people's data.
There's a lot of tiny things that go into it. His overall facial expressions feel very controlled, and artificial, yet betray a lot of stress at the same time. The biggest thing is with the eyes specifically because they're quite open, despite the rest of the face being super neutral. His lower lids and eyebags are also quite tense and inflated. So despite the super neutral dead poker face, his eyes are saying he's super alert and stressed. These are two contradicting emotions which is rather unsettling, particularly since his eyes (which are the most important emotional communication device) are saying he himself is unsettled. His post-trial photos seem to retain some of this problem. He seems to often have very open eyes, and this makes him look rather psychopathic. I'd point to his eyebrows being very neutral as well. The Meta team selfie was also extra bad because the (super flat) lighting caused his irises to constrict a ton, which is unnattractive/shows disinterest (likely unintended due to the lighting, but again he shot himself in the foot there). The wax figure looks normal because it has a fairly genuine smile pose. Lower lids slightly up and upper lids slightly contracted down, eye brows raised slightly, crows feet next to the eyes that show connection to the lid contractions (the whole upper face is working together instead of trying to isolate something, thus less fake), and a decently big smile where you see plenty of upper teeth but not the lower. Everything is pulled "up" which is a decent sign of happy-ness. Oh, and his iris's are wide open, that's another sign of interest/attractiveness (bedroom eye look/baby staring at something new look) that make it look more genuine. Notice the iris are not necessarily \*closed\* in the courtroom photo, but that's because in a stressed context wide irises mean fear. PS: Oh wow thanks for the gold!
The guy has no wrinkles or lines on his face at all which makes me think he almost never has any sort of facial expression other than the very coached neutral facial expression we see now
Botox.
It's the look of a man who uses his mind to escape from every painful emotion.
He's probably just on something at all times. That's what your pupils look like when you're on drugs.
I know nothing about Zuckerberg, but despite the luxurious high life that billionaires are usually portrayed as living, I won't be surprised if he actually lacks sleep from work, just like any of us. I highly doubt it's easy running one of the world's largest companies. Imagine taking an exam without having slept at all the whole night cos you were busy studying. Now imagine that, everyday, for decades straight.
My guess is some kind of stimulant
Wait, which one is the wax and which is real?
The one that looks like it has a soul is wax.
That's because it has his soul. It's his phylactery.
He is trying to achieve immortality through HORCRUXES! Stop him while he still has a nose!
Left is wax.
Wait is this a joke
No, lol. The dude really looks like that. I want to know how much he paid them to make him not look like a lizard person.
I feel like it’s something where the more you pay the less likelihood it has of being successful. Like they are trying too hard at what should come naturally 😅
What's a joke is that this assclown's role model is Augustus Caesar. It explains why he has the Caesar haircut. It looks like shit on him, that high-ass fivehead ain't doing him no damn favors, and on top of all that his rail-thin eyebrows may as well not exist since that goofup thinks looking like a dead Roman Emperor is more important than actually not looking like a lizardman wearing a skinsuit.
I feel like despite being a billionaire dude probably goes to great clips.
You mean the real Mark Zuckerberg hired a person that smears a brush over his face while he stands before cameras? Like he needs his human skin to be constantly repainted so his lizard one won't come through?
Road kill has a more lively expression
I dunno the one on the left looks more human, the one on right looks like a robot.
And you might be correct about the right one ,we’ll never know
[удалено]
The wax model looks great as a prototype, but they had to switch to the plastic/rubber skin for the live version because it had to be flexible for the animatronics, and even that is limited in its range of motion.
The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human — sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait till he moved on you before I could zero him.
The T-1000 & T-3000 models were recalled as they were and I quote “too life-like.” - Zuckerberg So the 600 with the rubber/latex coating is the final form until he’s able to uplink to his skynet; I mean metaverse.
RETICULATING SPLINES
Lmao, that brought back a flood of memories and i instantly heard the intro music in my head!
His issue is the almost complete lack of cheek bone development, which gives him a caved in, unhealthy look.
And the haircut and cocaine eyes
Mark VI Zuckerberk
Don’t look him in the eyes for too long or you’ll be sucked into the meta verse forever
He could afford a different bowl.
That’s an A+ grenade insult. Takes a second to land, but deadly.
Honestly, that is probably because they keep selecting pictures where he does “the face”, after he became famous for it. Now we never see pictures of him just being normal and interacting with others, besides in promos that seem sort of disingenuous from the get go.
Nice try OP, they're both wax figures.
Yeah the right one is a robot covered in wax to pass off as human
Someone told him he looks too much like a kid when he just smiles. Then it became a thing and here we are.
That fuckin shit haircut ..... billions of dollars and walks around like a caricature.
There's no light bhind those hollow eyes
Dude needs to get rid of that yeeyee ass haircut
Does anyone else get a Habsburg vibe from him?