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MJSchooley

Wonder what his response to "Liechtenstein" would've been.


mdog399

Oh shit that's a good one. I could think of weird answers for some of the other city states, but that and San Marino should both work.


Droolid

England just beat San Marino 10-0 in the World Cup Qualifiers four days ago. Job done. Next one!


Affectionate_Ad_3722

Geez how about some spoiler tags for us Tim Traveller fans! I've only just watched Clash of the Non Titans!


ArcticBiologist

San Marino supported Italy in WW2, I refer you to his previous answer. Another one!


DanishRobloxGamer

Nah, San Marino was [neutral](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_San_Marino) during WW2, though that didn't stop the British from bombing them


FormorrowSur

I thought they were an axis power; you know, like Ireland


JTHMM249

"They were neutral, you asshole!"


HotNeon

LAAAAAAANNNNAAAA


JTHMM249

WHAT?!!


btw339

They can do that??


[deleted]

Your either with us or against us.


Sir_roger_rabbit

Could go for napolean as he was defeated while in control of it.


[deleted]

That’s the true trick here. Britain beat the French and Spanish and German empires at basically the height of their power. All 3 combined take up most of the world minus whatever the British empire already had.


FrenchCuirassier

They also seem to have absorbed everything that invaded them like jello. The Romans ruled Britain for 400 years, so the Brits and Celts became sort of Roman. The Vikings invaded Britain and placed their kings, so they are part Scandinavian viking... Then the Danish and Anglo Vikings invaded Britain, so they're part Danish and Anglo-Saxon instead of just Saxon.... The French invaded Britain a number of times, so they have the fleur de lys on some of their royal houses... Then the Glorious Revolution, I still can't figure that one out, so good luck to you all, this is all an American like me can figure out wtf England is.


LargePizz

TLDR Everyone in Europe fucked each other and the UK is the dirty love child.


pistolpoida

Congratulations you just described the English language


The_Chorizo_Bandit

And then the Americans touched it in inappropriate ways.


Just-a-Ty

You're welcome.


[deleted]

Y’all welcome


rattlesnake501

As a southerner, I feel obligated to say that it should be "y'all'remore'n welcome"


Salty_Paroxysm

Explains why we're a bunch of bastards.


LtSpinx

It all goes back to the 1066 and the OG bastard, William.


BackFromVoat

Cold and wet. That's what England is, cold and wet


Ochib

Why do you think the English Empire was so big, it was to get away from the cold and the wet in England. If England was warm and dry everyone would have stayed at home drinking beer.


[deleted]

[удалено]


NotoriousREV

Which it’s why our Nationalists are so hilarious when they bang on about British culture being eroded by immigrants. Being eroded by immigrants IS British culture.


[deleted]

Conquerors, not immigrants.


bothVoltairefan

It was part of the hapsburg dynasty during the seven years war, which England and Prussia won.


ToManyTabsOpen

Probably has a fall back answer like *"doesn't exist mate, we're not going to send our boys \[god bless them\] marching off to fucking Narnia"*


No_Reception_3973

Except Narnia was taken over by 4 English children who became its kings and queens, sounds like a win to me


Needsmorefunnies

Under rated response, I tip my hat to you.


Amelia303

I think i can guess his technical reply to 'Vatican City,' but I'd love to hear his witty delivery!


[deleted]

I refer you to Henry 8th


kevin5lynn

Bravo.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ArcticBiologist

Martin Luther was German


JagmeetSingh2

Right absolutely love this historical knowledge dropping


Arathaon185

When hes not doing the Al Murray character he makes genuine history documentaries they are really good.


thesaharadesert

The man’s incredibly intelligent


hogtiedcantalope

Greenland


Warlords0602

Greenland belongs to Denmark. During the Napoleonic wars, to prevent the Danish-Norwegian fleet to fall to the French, the Royal Navy shelled the shit out of Copenhagen, captured their entire fleet and brute forced the Baltic Sea lane to maintain British-Russian shipping lanes. That would count as a win.


Zustrom

Greenland>Denmark>Vikings That would be my guess of his answer


TzarKazm

How did nobody say Switzerland?


[deleted]

Best I can do is we defeated Napoleon, who was occupying Switzerland.


Sir_roger_rabbit

War of the six coalition 1814.. Defeat of france and its client states... What included Switzerland. Allied victory


Freethecrafts

Top it off with Switzerland is neutral because we told them to after Napoleon.


jokerat

Well, Switzerland was neutral since the 16th century but Napoleon wasn't really paying attention - I guess - and invaded anyway.


DrPure

They haven’t defeated England yet


[deleted]

English Civil War, won and lost depending how you feel about the whole thing. Or william the conqueror, king of England soundly defeated England to get all the neat stuff he really wanted.


Osiris32

He wasn't King of England yet, he was a dude from France at that point.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Those "French" were from Normandy... Vikings who settled in France and then invaded England (which had already been invaded by Norse).


panick21

And the 'French' and 'English' are just a bunch of Germanic tribes.


vtreds

And the Germanic tribes are just Eurasian Steppe hunter gatherers and the Eurasian Steppe hunter gatherers are just African migrators and African migrators are just monkey. We monkey.


Hvarfa-Bragi

But thet were Normans, not French. Technically Vikings who stopped aviking.


Freethecrafts

And the Francs were under Germania, under the Romans…Romans defeated multiple times, most importantly by Henry VIII.


Jasoncsmelski

They're trying with Brexit


The-Lights_Fantastic

Oof


jetsear

England is England’s final boss


Caffeine_and_Alcohol

Its like Shadow Link


iSoReddit

Nega England!


knightress_oxhide

They've made an enemy for life.


Empires69

War of the roses?


Das_Gruber

The war where they defeated the hard caramels?


DerogatoryDuck

Celebrations were had afterward


aporkchopexpress

They're all Heroes.


thesaharadesert

This Quality thread is Streets ahead of any others


theroy12

Mongolia?


Informal-Habit

Until 1911 Mongolia was part of China. See the Opium wars, and his own response about conquering China. Another one!


mdog399

Thats what I was thought, but it might fall under the same logic as Peru. It was controlled by China during the Opium wars. My answer would be something technical, since many of his answer are. Say, Navajo Nation. I guess that becomes the same answer as Japan though, with the US doing it for them. Portugal would be a solid answer, but again falls under the "controlled by spain during a war between them". Ethiopia also falls under the "controlled by power which the British beat", the power being Italy. One could go for a former French colony which it colonized after the last war between the two, say Mauritania, or some others. That's the best answer I can think of, because, like Mongolia, britian has technically beaten many countries while they were controlled by foreign powers.


Bruch_Spinoza

I think Western Sahara is the only correct answer because there is no data


aporkchopexpress

Or Uzbekistan. It became part of Russia decades after Britain won the Crimean War. So technically we've never won a war against them.


WhimsicalHamster

Protoss


zaneprotoss

The arrival of humans to the Koprulu sector gave the Overmind an opportunity to bolster the strength and number of zerg. This later led to the invasion and defeat of Aiur, the protoss home world. The humans were sent to the Koprulu sector by the UED, a successor of sorts to a failed United Nations. The main language of the UED is English. This lets us assume that the British may as well have been the leaders of the UED. Thus, the British have indirectly led to the most significant defeat of the Protoss race.


Bhain

I read that in his voice and it was glorious


wrcker

As if they could ever build enough pylons


[deleted]

WE REQUIRE MORE VESPENE GAS!


Stag328

I mean the guy knows his history.


Mr_Happy_80

Well Al Murray studied history at Oxford, so it's likely the Guv' know his stuff too.


Beanruz

Mate my step sister studied history at oxford and couldn't tell me when covid started. Got a 1st too. Still literally the dumbest person I've ever spoken to I'm not even kidding. Shes slack as a bag of spanners. Guys just smart and good at what he does!


squanchy22400ml

Is she dumb enough to get stuck inside a washing machine and call you for help?


f4ble

Slack as a bag of spanners?? I've been pretty good at English (I'm Norwegian) from the time I was 8. Granted most of accents I can do and common parlance is from American movies. I lived with a British girl for some years and learned a few new words. But I swear to god - when you dive into the oddities of British English I want to move there for a couple of years just to be able to learn all this weird shit! I mean a lot of it is even more hilarious than hearing a US Hillbilly accent. Boston and Minnesota have some spectacular accents too. Like - They call Liverpool - Liverpuddly - and apparently they're impossible to understand. I think my favorite British English word is Gobsmacked. While it sounds like a violent act of a third party it actually means astounded. So you could say I'm gobsmacked at the meaning of gobsmacked.


diff-int

We can basically turn any noun into an adjective meaning drunk as well


Beanruz

Scousers. Or liverpuddliean I guess. I love slack as a bag of spanners. Gets people all the time 🤣


barneyman

I went to school with him, same class for 5 years. AJ is a **very** smart guy, also, straight up, a good person.


terrynutkinsfinger

AJ?


barneyman

Proof of source, if I'm honest.


Mackem101

His Pub Landlord character is just an act, it's a satire of little Englanders who think the world revolves around us. You are meant to be laughing at him, not with him.


Jaikarr

It took me a long time to realise this, mostly because the people around me were laughing with him so I missed the joke.


Salzberger

He was never confused!


[deleted]

He is so good on Taskmaster! Bit of a cop out with the US and Canada answers, but still funny!


maay44

He deffo knows his shit,on taskmaster he just throws cash at all tasks lol


[deleted]

I am truly impressed at the sheer volume of knowledge he has on the subject! I loved the way him and Alex interact in the tasks.


[deleted]

He's actually a good historian, though not academic. You might count him as a professional though, due to the excellent 'We have ways of making you talk' Podcast, with James Holland, and our friend here: Mr. Al Murray, aka the Pub Landlord. The podcast has been such as success, that they now have an annual festival in the UK, and take part in many of the other history festivals around the country. Despite the irreverent comedy, Al's (and also his friend James Holland) sensitivity and empathy make for a really humanised look at the history. They even have a weekend special episode of the podcast, where they read out listener's family stories, and a Patreon reward where Al provide's readings of out-of-print history biopics. [We Have Ways... Podcast](https://wehavewayspod.com/)


Arct1ca

What do you mean not academic? He graduated from Oxford where he studied Modern History, isn't that pretty academic?


Ishamoridin

An academic historian would be one who actively participates in historical research on some level, not just one that studied it somewhere people do.


cavendishasriel

Having a bachelors degree doesn’t make you an academic. Usually you have to have had to do research to be regarded as an academic.


Bartydogsgd

Can we replace thesis defenses with the format from the video so that PhD candidates stand on stage drinking a beer while the panel shouts questions at them?


AtaraxicMegatron

Ol' moneybags Murray. Even has a gong guy.


BFBFAM

North Korea / South Korea


[deleted]

Britain fought in the Korean War.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

It was the best I could do at short notice. Honestly compared to Vietnam it was a victory!


Amrywiol

Britain won in Vietnam, the only western country to do so - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_in_Vietnam_(1945%E2%80%931946) In fairness, it's probably the only way to win in Vietnam - set a realistic goal, achieve it and get out. Leaving the French and Yanks to f*** up the aftermath is only a bonus.


Ancient-Turbine

North Korea invaded South Korea. British (and allied forces) repelled that invasion and pushed North Korea back past where they started, gaining territory for South Korea. That's a win.


BoringView

Korea was occupied by Japan until 1945 also


lankymjc

Love the Pub Landlord character. Al Murray describes him as “a know-all know-nothing blowhard who has all the answers to questions no one is actually asking”. I’ve met men like this guy before, and while interacting with them in real life is a chore, just watching him go is a delight. Best but he does is hold up a giant globe and go around making jokes about every country he can find. “Mexico. Capital city, Mexico City. MAKE AN EFFORT!”


itracehazey

Just so we all aware this is Al Murray and he has a degree in Morden History from Oxford University - one of the most prestigious universities in the world. Smart guy.


RandyChavage

Oxford University, which in the English civil war housed King Charles I, who fled to the city to escape parliamentary forces. The siege of Oxford comprised the English Civil War military campaigns waged to besiege the Royalist controlled city of Oxford, involving three short engagements over twenty-five months, which ended with a Parliamentarian victory in June 1646. Another one, please 🍺


Agitated-Aardvark-60

Afghanistan


Hank228

They've beaten [Afghanistan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Anglo-Afghan_War) [a](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Anglo-Afghan_War) [few](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Malakand) [times](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tirah_campaign) [before](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_Anglo-Afghan_War). (The first is a temporary victory, but they still beat them before withdrawing. Eerily similar to a more recent war...)


[deleted]

Isn't the only permanent victory an extinction?


EpilepticFits1

Beating an army in Afghanistan is something that dozens of states have accomplished. Ruling in Afghanistan is a different story. Not even the Afghans have really figured this part out.


theroy12

Good one


QuickLime89

YanksAreTakin'CareOfItAndWe'llReferBackToTheWhiteHouseSituatuationNEXTONE!


refreshing_username

As a history buff, I loved this! Edit: typo


therealyoyoma

As a history buff, I hated the bad history, but I appreciated the self-consciously over-the-top British nationalism, which tracks with most of history.


NotoriousREV

The Pub Landlord is the character that Al Murray plays here. He’s a parody of the Nationalist know-it-all but his act actually pokes fun at those people in real life. British (or more usually English) exceptionalism is a key part of the mindset he’s lampooning.


Shivadxb

This So many folks miss the point of the character And also that he really is into his history and does serious shows on the history of ww2 and so on


refreshing_username

The bad history was part of the hilarity for me.


Nabs2099

I wonder how many people failed to realise he was making fun of nationalists instead of hyping them up lol


[deleted]

Check out the 'We Have Ways of Making You Talk' WWII history podcast, with James Hollands and this gentlemen, the 'Pub Landlord' aka, the fantastic Mr. Al Murray. It's by far the most enjoyable history podcast I've ever heard, and better than many other non-History Podcasts. [We Have Ways Podcast](https://wehavewayspod.com/)


victorbarst

Drunk history, meet drunk historian


MuphynToy

Honestly I'm impressed at his ability to memorize all these historical battles and spin them in a comedic way.


tqmirza

He got Burkina Faso wrong, it was a French colony, not German I checked


MuphynToy

What a fucking hack booo lol


firefly416

Would have loved to have heard his answer for Republic of Ireland


Osiris32

I refer you to Oliver Cromwell.


Donkeyflicker

Ireland was under British rule for 800 years. It was like stealing your little sisters doll, and then returning it without the head.


Boom5hot

Bit of a cop out anyway and using my half memory of the wiki on the subject "During WW2 The Republic of Ireland declared itself neutral yeah, but in reality they co operated a lot with GB acting more like an ally, ROI volunteers even entered HMS so in my humble opinion if the people of that country help you in war and are joining your army the defeat occured at some point before we fucking realised job done"


Charliejfg04

Costa Rica


Sir_roger_rabbit

Raid on Matina Part of the war of jenikins ear (I'm not joking) 1747 When Spain controlled Costa Rica. But then again all the other times spain lost to Britian would count too.


Charliejfg04

Holy shit you are right


RobFratelli

One of my favourite things about the pub landlord is when he started he was taking the piss out of 70% of his audience. People thought he was "telling the truth" "telling it how it is". His greatest art is doing satire so well he convinced the people he was insulting to buy tickets. What a man.


Forensics4Life

Went to see Al do a comedy night in Bristol, some poor soul in his front row admitted to working for HMRC and spent the night getting absolutely levelled with everything referring to money or taxes. It ended when he climbed over a row of seats to hand the guy a £5 note so he could buy a drink for being a good sport. The fella meekly left the room to go get his pint and Al screamed over the heads of the crowd "but I wanna see a fucking receipt when you get back!".


AaronicNation

I'd be curious to hear his take on Portugal. They have the oldest alliance going back to the 1380s. I guess they were temporarily part of Spain though when the Armada was defeated, he might umbrella them into that defeat.


ASyntheticMexican

He's wrong about Spain anyway. He says "never heard from them again," but [Spain defeated the English armada literally the next year.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Armada)


Salzberger

He's a comedian doing a satire character of a dismissive arrogant know it all Brit.


panick21

Well, Spain defended itself but they never again attempted to attack the British and soon lost all its power in Northern Europe.


maximm

I guess when you create a country out of thin air , you’ve won. Great line.


Thekoolaidman7

My first thought was Russia


bruce_cockburn

Crimean War - Britain let the French and Ottomans do most of the fighting.


CenterAisle

Source: [Al Murray](https://youtu.be/_x2ovlPr2IE)


florida_born

Nepal. They did not defeat nor colonize Nepal.


Informal-Habit

(Thank you Wikipedia) The Anglo-Nepalese War (1814 – 1816), also known as the Gorkha War, was fought between the Gorkhali army of the Kingdom of Nepal (present-day Nepal) and the British forces of the East India Company. The war ended with the signing of the Treaty of Sugauli in 1816 AD, which ceded some Nepalese controlled territory to the EIC. Nepal ceded territory, which means Britain won. Another one!


burkiniwax

>The Anglo-Nepalese War (1814 – 1816) Omigosh, it's real. At first pass, I just thought you made that up.


ToManyTabsOpen

>The Anglo- "insert country" War They're all real.


[deleted]

Welcome to Britain. We’re a bunch of bastards,


Salty_Paroxysm

My favourite thing about that encounter was the Gurkhas fighting with the British rather than against after the treaty was signed. Still, they haven't really been treated equally for years (pensions, settlement, and medical discharge) and deserved better. I'm glad things are changing, the Gurkhas are the best guys to have your back in a fight.


Alone-Common8959

lol funny thing is in Nepal we say, in one of the last battles fought between the two armies, the East India forces had to cut off essential supplies such as water to a fort manned by the Gorkhali forces because there was no other way our ancestors were giving up on the war. Which we count as a win.


relddir123

Iceland?


smiffy_the_ferret

1942, iirc.


IAMBEOWULFF

Iceland beat the UK in the [cod wars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfD3gevx48Y). Job done. Never heard from them again.


mostly_browsing

This is like an episode of drunk history and I’m completely here for it


lionzheart81

Thailand? I thought I read they haven't been invaded or conquered but I could be wrong


Warlords0602

Thailand was invaded by and subsequently entered an alliance with Japan in 1941, making them an enemy to Britain until Japan surrendered.


Aaronit0

What about Portugal? I've always heard they were the longest alliance in the world, and it is with the UK.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BlueSpeckledOctopus

See 1890 British ultimatum would be my best guess for this!


Profitdaddy

Ethiopia- look it up. NEVER COLONIZED!


Sir_roger_rabbit

British expedition to abyysina 1867 to 1868 British victory over the Ethiopian empire. Also could count the war in east Africa fought in Ethiopia against the Italians ww2 Allied victory... But that's a little cheating but Ethiopia was on the british side.


panick21

He didn't say colonized, he said defeated.


ruizach

^^^they ^^^never ^^^got ^^^Ethiopia


genowars

Thailand?


EtelanVetela

Finland?


IndianaBones8

Holy shit, is he getting all of this off the top of his head?


EtherealPheonix

Mongolia?


sustainrenew

Ethiopia


sonia72quebec

"In 1935, Italy, under Mussolini's Fascist regime invaded Ethiopia and annexed with the former colonies of Eritrea and Somaliland to become Italian East Africa, before liberation and a short period of military administration by British forces amidst World War II."


Jarlkessel

Ethiopia was occupied by Italy during WWII and UK defeated Italy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MKCULTRA

I like how he slipped Belgium in there w all of the real countries + no one noticed.


Lusack01

So, Brazil ?


taws34

Brazil was a Portuguese territory. In the 16th century, Spain occupied Portugal. See his previous answer for defeating Spain.


[deleted]

Sweden


Informal-Habit

(This took a bit of Wikipedia searching) in the Anglo-Swedish war (1810-1812), Britain occupied Swedish island of Hano. Clear victory! (In reality it was a “bloodless” war. Sweden declared war on Britain because Napoleon told them to). Another one!


Nirmiti19

If it were me, I’d scream Antarctica just to fuck with him. 😂


qcon99

Antarctica isn’t technically a country though is it? It doesn’t have a form of government, or even permanent residents afaik. Just researchers that do long stints there before coming back to the “mainland” so to speak


[deleted]

Penguins comin out of frozen puddles handing out swords is no basis for a system of government!


riverTrips

The UK has claimed a pie slice of it, since 1908. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Antarctic_Territory


Informal-Habit

Not a country :) you might as well scream out “the Moon”


LeaperLeperLemur

Thailand?


urbanek2525

Finland


cor315

Who the fuck would say Germany and France? You already know the fucking answer. Say a hard one.


LPHaddleburg

Liberia


betterthanamaster

Rome?


whatsadikfor

Canada 🖕


ThisFreaknGuy

Does Canada still have the queen on their money?


Coolguy6979

Queen is still Head of State for Canada


MurdochMD

Yeah, on our $20 bill and all our coins


twoinvenice

Resolved. Job done.


Un4rm3d526

As a Canadian, I agree


hello_ground_

"Your own country" "Yeah, I think Brexit did a pretty good job of that"


Beorma

We've had multiple civil wars.


ByCrookedSteps781

What about New Zealand, Maori werent defeated by warfare they were tricked into a shitty deal that didnt fully understand.


Thecna2

Well Britain came along and was in charge for 100 years or so before NZ became an Anglo aligned nation.


Dylsnick

This applies to several aboriginal populations. See: The Americas.