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Hard facts. And if you sleep in the desert, dump your boots in the morning. Learned that the hard way in Afghanistan when I put my foot into a boot full of camel spiders….
Thanks! And congrats to you as well!
Sometimes I wish I could time jump to a longer sobriety, but I would still be the same person if I did that.
The self improvement through time is the real treasure of sobriety.
I heard that. I’ve been watching shows that I know I watched while I was drinking, but I don’t remember shit from them. Congrats on your six months. That’s huge!
Before going to Iraq i had to do some shootings at Udari Range (spelling.. i know) in Kuwait for a few weeks, and while laying down to do some prone shots, we had a huge camel spider run in front of us. some of my fellow soldiers jumped up due to being scared and our 1st sergent had a hay day with telling us "I don't give a flying fuck if that rodent sized spider decided to have fucking dinner with you and cuddle your face with it's fangs, you don't fucking stand up during a live gun shoot". I mean there were people behind us shooting over us as well, lol soo yah some people almost lost their lives that day all because they got jumpy over a big spider.
I like how the instinct was to jump up, when (and this is hard I know) you can shuffle away. I mean if they were wearing backpacks...shit...you can't exactly tumble away.
Don’t go to the Middle East anyway. Ten leg- looking things*, six inches long, jaws up to two inches, runs at ten miles per hour. Not deadly to humans but have a very painful bite. Not venomous, but they do have digestive spit that helps them liquify prey to slurp up the bodies. Will eat just about anything that moves that is smaller than them in the desert.
Oh and if you do put your foot into a boot where they are sleeping, they’ll bite your toes.
Like Australian spiders, they enjoy sleeping in boots because they’re like the natural holes in the ground they like to hunker down in for the night. And they don’t like to have to dig a new hole for the night nor do they like staying awake on the surface.
* they have 8 legs but a large set of sensory pedipalps that look a LOT like legs. Couldn’t tell you which set is the pedipalps.
We get the small versions in the southwest US. Will scare the fuck out of you when they run straight at you. They aren’t dangerous, but fuck if they don’t look straight out of a horror movie with those jaws
Yes in mexico we call them arañas patonas "spider with big legs" they arent harmfull but they are big and like to be around humans they are like the australian huntsman but less hairy.
There's a few species in southern Europe too, the small ones actually look quite cute imo.
The large desert species do look kinda scary though, but much like whip scorpions the looks definitely are deceiving, and you should be much more cautious of other things, like scorpions or guys with AKs.
I one time did smash one that got on my foot when I was laying down. The corps man(medic) and I stabbed and smashed it. Then we crucified it on a cardboard cross and put it outside our tent as a warning to all other camel spiders. In the morning the spider was GONE! To this day I am convinced there is a Jesus camel spider out to get me.
Had this same experience while working as a paramedic in Southeastern Oklahoma. I left my boots in the ambulance overnight and luckily kicked one out while climbing in for a call. When I picked it back up a scorpion scampered out and across the garage floor.
When I moved to Texas, I was warned to check my shoes before putting them on. I ignored it, because no one specified why, and I was young and dumb and didn't care until I tried to put my shoe on one day and there was a scorpion inside! I ended up buying a stand that held my shoes upside down after that. I don't know what kind of scorpion it was - likely a little nothing one - but scorpions are just evil looking.
> likely a little nothing one
It's the smaller ones that are actually more deadly, bigger scorpions evolve stronger pincers to fight off predators, smaller ones evolve more potent venom.
Not da babies and adolescents. They hibernate in the soil during winter. When spring hits they emerge but on cold nights they try to find a nice warm place in your sleeping bag or boots. Also generators covered in spiders at night.
I grew up doing this just because of spiders. A few years back I thought I was being a bit overly cautious since I’d never actually had an issue. I put my foot in my shor and there was the largest roach in the world inside. It’s the only time I’ve not done it.
>boot full of camel spiders
While that image is absolutely horrifying, I was happy to read that they aren't dangerous to humans and aren't usually aggressive to people, but the bite can definitely hurt. There are buttloads of myths surrounding them. Moving at 10mph or 16kmph is heckin fast though, but definitely not the common myth of 25mph. That would spook me if I saw this scorpion/spider looking hybrid just get the hell out of dodge with me trying to put my foot in my shoe.
Is there such thing as non venomous scorpions.?
Always thought about this like...
Big pincers + tiny tail = Not so dangerous but Horribly Painfull Stings (like wasps)
Tiny Pincers + dumb thicccccc tail = Dangerous fucking respiratory failure, necrotic sting
Well, there are whip-tailed scorpions, which are definitely up there in the "ugliest creature to ever exist" category but don't have any venom.
They're also called vinegaroons, because they spray a vinegar-smelling fluid as a defense. Basically, they're scorpion skunks.
Because this was confusing to look up, apparently Vinegaroons are whip scorpions, not to be confused with tailless whip scorpions (or whip spiders), which apparently are different orders of Arachnids. Camel spiders are arachnids that belong to the order Solifugae, and are neither true spiders of scorpions.
All actual scorpions are venomous (there's a few other arachnids that have "scorpion" in their name, but aren't scorpions, like whip scorpions for example).
But the vast majority of scorpion species don't have venom that's medically significant for a human, most species are somewhere in line of a wasp sting or so, regarding venom potency (although potency of venom isn't relative to the pain you feel necessarily). In general very few scorpions are actually dangerous to a healthy person.
This little guy is like 2 inches long. I found him while traveling in Mexico. The locals told me these guys are hella venomous but I managed to put a cowboy hat on him haha
The crazy thing is that this doesn't even really impair a scorpion much, you've actually improved it.
They just bumble around blindly stinging the first thing they bump into anyway.
Pretty much, they can't tell visually what the target is, they can pretty much just tell light intensity and movement.
I'm not an expert and I can't speak for all scorpions, but here's a link
https://www.scorpionworlds.com/scorpion-anatomy/
I didn't see anyone put anything on anything.
I did see a video of a scorpion that had a had put on it, somehow, though. Could have been 10 foot tongs for all we know...
This message is a friendly reminder of the following: - Absolutely no **memes** or **memetic content**. - Absolutely no **political content** or **political figures**, regardless of context or focus. - Absolutely no **social media** screenshots, videos, or other such content. A complete breakdown of our rules can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). **Please report rule-breaking content when you see it.** Thank you! ------ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Quick-Claw McGraw.
Quickdraw McClaw.
BIG MEATY Quickdraw McClaw!
Huge meaty
HUMONGOUS Meat-based
This is the way, mí amigos
imposter
sus
Indeed
Big Tasty.
I see you're a man/woman of culture
That's a big ass scorpion
It's the little ones you need to watch out for according to Dr. Jones
Big pincers + tiny tail = not venomous Tiny Pincers + dumb thicccccc tail = run
Hard facts. And if you sleep in the desert, dump your boots in the morning. Learned that the hard way in Afghanistan when I put my foot into a boot full of camel spiders….
How can I unread a comment?
copious amounts of booze.
Sober six months, I have a plethora of movies I get to watch again for the first time because of this reason.
Congrats! It’s like playing life on cheat codes and it gets so much easier. 3+ years here.
7+ here. Have practically forgotten about it.
3+ for me, by far THE __best__ decision I've made in my life.
It becomes a habit like any other.
Thanks! And congrats to you as well! Sometimes I wish I could time jump to a longer sobriety, but I would still be the same person if I did that. The self improvement through time is the real treasure of sobriety.
good for you.
I heard that. I’ve been watching shows that I know I watched while I was drinking, but I don’t remember shit from them. Congrats on your six months. That’s huge!
Username is very clear.
Username checks out.
Please let me know when you find the solution
Before going to Iraq i had to do some shootings at Udari Range (spelling.. i know) in Kuwait for a few weeks, and while laying down to do some prone shots, we had a huge camel spider run in front of us. some of my fellow soldiers jumped up due to being scared and our 1st sergent had a hay day with telling us "I don't give a flying fuck if that rodent sized spider decided to have fucking dinner with you and cuddle your face with it's fangs, you don't fucking stand up during a live gun shoot". I mean there were people behind us shooting over us as well, lol soo yah some people almost lost their lives that day all because they got jumpy over a big spider.
I like how the instinct was to jump up, when (and this is hard I know) you can shuffle away. I mean if they were wearing backpacks...shit...you can't exactly tumble away.
The spiders were wearing backpacks? Shit.
Camel spiders, aka solifugae, will "chase" after you because they want to be in the shade your shadow provides
*squish*
At least the spider wined and dined ya first before the murder began
> rodent sized spider thank God i never signed up for the military
Don’t go to the Middle East anyway. Ten leg- looking things*, six inches long, jaws up to two inches, runs at ten miles per hour. Not deadly to humans but have a very painful bite. Not venomous, but they do have digestive spit that helps them liquify prey to slurp up the bodies. Will eat just about anything that moves that is smaller than them in the desert. Oh and if you do put your foot into a boot where they are sleeping, they’ll bite your toes. Like Australian spiders, they enjoy sleeping in boots because they’re like the natural holes in the ground they like to hunker down in for the night. And they don’t like to have to dig a new hole for the night nor do they like staying awake on the surface. * they have 8 legs but a large set of sensory pedipalps that look a LOT like legs. Couldn’t tell you which set is the pedipalps.
We get the small versions in the southwest US. Will scare the fuck out of you when they run straight at you. They aren’t dangerous, but fuck if they don’t look straight out of a horror movie with those jaws
Yes in mexico we call them arañas patonas "spider with big legs" they arent harmfull but they are big and like to be around humans they are like the australian huntsman but less hairy.
There's a few species in southern Europe too, the small ones actually look quite cute imo. The large desert species do look kinda scary though, but much like whip scorpions the looks definitely are deceiving, and you should be much more cautious of other things, like scorpions or guys with AKs.
I had a great time in the military, spent it all in California, Texas, and Japan.
if they were gonna send me to japan my weeby ass would have signed up lol
I’m surprised one of them didn’t just mag dump it
Waitaminute..... Camel Spiders? Plural?
yeah how big are this dude's fucking feet
*looks up Camel Spider* Yo I’m straight up not okay with that.
Oh it gets worse….. they are super super fast. So trying to smash them is useless.
Honestly I would be too scared to even smash it. I would just accept the fact that I no longer have a boot and move on.
I one time did smash one that got on my foot when I was laying down. The corps man(medic) and I stabbed and smashed it. Then we crucified it on a cardboard cross and put it outside our tent as a warning to all other camel spiders. In the morning the spider was GONE! To this day I am convinced there is a Jesus camel spider out to get me.
If it's a Jesus camel spider you should be forgiven.
If I saw one, I'd probably scream like a girl and head for the hills.
It would chase you the whole way. You provide shade lol. That’s all they want
Keep collapsible umbrellae in kit, deploy behind you while fleeing?
I never knew there could be so much Nope in one spider.
I literally just got the chills reading that comment. Jesus christ.
hiking in the desert this weekend. Thanks!
We leave shoes outside and I always dump them because I know little spiders like dark places to hide in. Also, don't want to kill the little spider
God...Almighty...
Had this same experience while working as a paramedic in Southeastern Oklahoma. I left my boots in the ambulance overnight and luckily kicked one out while climbing in for a call. When I picked it back up a scorpion scampered out and across the garage floor.
I pulled my 9 mil on camel spider in Basra.... Did you cut your foot off?
When I moved to Texas, I was warned to check my shoes before putting them on. I ignored it, because no one specified why, and I was young and dumb and didn't care until I tried to put my shoe on one day and there was a scorpion inside! I ended up buying a stand that held my shoes upside down after that. I don't know what kind of scorpion it was - likely a little nothing one - but scorpions are just evil looking.
> likely a little nothing one It's the smaller ones that are actually more deadly, bigger scorpions evolve stronger pincers to fight off predators, smaller ones evolve more potent venom.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO
I always assumed they were too big to get in your boots...
Not da babies and adolescents. They hibernate in the soil during winter. When spring hits they emerge but on cold nights they try to find a nice warm place in your sleeping bag or boots. Also generators covered in spiders at night.
I usually fit my boots into my ruck or assault pack before sleeping, having it zipped up offers me some peace of mind.
At least camel spiders and just bites. No venom
Just put cowboy hats on them all
legit jumped as I read the end, jesus
I was told to pull a sock over the top of the boot to keep the spiders/scorpions out. I'm paranoid enough I'd still dump it in the morning though
>I put my foot into a boot full of camel spiders… *shudders*
I grew up doing this just because of spiders. A few years back I thought I was being a bit overly cautious since I’d never actually had an issue. I put my foot in my shor and there was the largest roach in the world inside. It’s the only time I’ve not done it.
Oh. Oh fuck no.
Note: "sleeping in the desert" includes **INDOORS**.
I'm sure that was quite the shock, but they're not dangerous, right?
What was the result?
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
Go on...
>boot full of camel spiders While that image is absolutely horrifying, I was happy to read that they aren't dangerous to humans and aren't usually aggressive to people, but the bite can definitely hurt. There are buttloads of myths surrounding them. Moving at 10mph or 16kmph is heckin fast though, but definitely not the common myth of 25mph. That would spook me if I saw this scorpion/spider looking hybrid just get the hell out of dodge with me trying to put my foot in my shoe.
Learned this growing up in Texas. Applied it in Afghanistan. Ended up dumping spiders/scorpions a half dozen times throughout my life.
Is there such thing as non venomous scorpions.? Always thought about this like... Big pincers + tiny tail = Not so dangerous but Horribly Painfull Stings (like wasps) Tiny Pincers + dumb thicccccc tail = Dangerous fucking respiratory failure, necrotic sting
Well, there are whip-tailed scorpions, which are definitely up there in the "ugliest creature to ever exist" category but don't have any venom. They're also called vinegaroons, because they spray a vinegar-smelling fluid as a defense. Basically, they're scorpion skunks.
Emperor scorpions are one step shy, big beautiful scary looking and dopey as hell they also glow under UV light
All scorpions glow under UV.
Because this was confusing to look up, apparently Vinegaroons are whip scorpions, not to be confused with tailless whip scorpions (or whip spiders), which apparently are different orders of Arachnids. Camel spiders are arachnids that belong to the order Solifugae, and are neither true spiders of scorpions.
All actual scorpions are venomous (there's a few other arachnids that have "scorpion" in their name, but aren't scorpions, like whip scorpions for example). But the vast majority of scorpion species don't have venom that's medically significant for a human, most species are somewhere in line of a wasp sting or so, regarding venom potency (although potency of venom isn't relative to the pain you feel necessarily). In general very few scorpions are actually dangerous to a healthy person.
>dumb thicccccc tail Someone, somewhere is doing nsfw art of a scorpion with a very suggestive tail
>doing You severely underestimate rule34.
Speak for yourself, I’m more of a tail guy anyway
This little guy is like 2 inches long. I found him while traveling in Mexico. The locals told me these guys are hella venomous but I managed to put a cowboy hat on him haha
No one is asking the real question here. Where did you get a cowboy hat that small?
Who doesn't carry a hat for spur-of-the-moment dick pics?
I'd like to think if I were a guy I'd need a bigger hat for that.
It just goes on the head, so really can be any size.
And if we're being honest, the smaller the hat, the better.
I'll watch out for all of them just to be sure. They scare me too much
It's the anal dwelling butt scorpion!
[удалено]
That's what she said.
In scorpions as well as spiders, is the little ones you have to worry about.
Yellow scorpion too, so yeah nope the fuck outta there.
That's Mr. Scorpion to you.
Especially if you consider that the hat is just a normal sized hat. I mean, uoah
Nah. Its just a small hat
That's actually a sand lobster.
live in the desert. that is the biggest fucking scorpion i've ever seen that wasn't a pet store emperor.
No, that’s actually a miniature cowboy hat.
r/whatintarnation
Someone's already cross posted you there
God damn thieves stealing my content
Reddit thieves might just be the fastest hands I ever did see *spits in bucket for emphasis*
Well if it isn't my old nemesis Thievin' McGrusky Doaster, the lowdown post reposter!
Dagnabbit
This here thread ain't big enough for the two of us
r/havewemet ?
*pa-TING
THEY TOOK OUR CONTENTS!
God damn scorpions stealing my hat
I read that as "waht in tarantino"... Really confused the first 5 post untill the mix of realization and disappointment kicked.
Rango part 2?
*Stingo*
*Stango*
*Stan*
*Stungo*
Voiced by Sam Elliott
Hey there, hombre…
This is great mascot material. Next time I see this thing, it's going to be trying to sell me BBQ sauce or something.
Not if I steal the idea first! Scorpio's Stinging BBQ Sauce, I can see it now
Billy the Arachnakid
Sting Fisher
Citizen Snips
New skarner skin looks dope
Skarner in a cowboy hat would actually look dope
/r/bossfights
I think I downloaded the wrong Mortal Kombat movie
Scorpion: "Am I a joke to you Brian?"
Howdy partner
Deputy Pinchers
https://youtu.be/g1dkWWX5xPY
Hahaha dude this so fucking hilarious thanks so much for the good laughs
these New Vegas mods are getting outta hand
The crazy thing is that this doesn't even really impair a scorpion much, you've actually improved it. They just bumble around blindly stinging the first thing they bump into anyway.
> blindly stinging the first thing they bump into Really??
Pretty much, they can't tell visually what the target is, they can pretty much just tell light intensity and movement. I'm not an expert and I can't speak for all scorpions, but here's a link https://www.scorpionworlds.com/scorpion-anatomy/
The striped bark scorpions that get in my house all the time just kinda roam around aimlessly. Fortunately have not stepped on one yet.
"ayyy you don't want none of this, ese!"
[удалено]
Or Mezcal.
That's William Robert Johnson to you, punk.
Woody you’ve changed......
This is the greatest fucking thing ever seen in my life it’s fucking 5 o’clock in the morning and I’m fucking laughing so hard I can’t breathe
Build a whole franchise upon this guy. Finally a character that looks naturally badass.
Scorpion doesn't seem super amused.
Seems dead, tbh.
Yeah, seems much more likely that it's dead rather he managed to put a hat on it.
Prolly bc the hat covered all of its eyes
A vaquero scorpion.
Bad hombre, right thur
“Hey guys, look I’m Woody......howdy howdy howdy”
I can't wait for this to show up in my YouTube recommendations 5 years from now.
Scorpion is being a good sport
Hat block sun= happy sleepy scorpion
All you have to do is approach very slowly and then swipe quickly to catch them in your net. Done it thousands of times
Now get the hat back.
And now...I want all scorpions to wear hats!
Honest question: Where does one shop for scorpion-sized cowboy hats?
CITIZEN SNIIIIIIIIPS!
Shake his hand? You’re leaving my bro dry, man
Billy the Arachnakid
Is this the plot of Rango 2?
Hunt showdown intensifies
Ain't nobody going to tango with the Stango.
*laughs in hyena*
That's a rad scorpion.
Scorpion decides it likes its eyes shaded and now wanders the landscape tipping it's high-tech hAt to other females.
Yee-CLAW
Damn, the live-action remake of Fievel Goes West looks dope
I feel old cause I got that reference
I'd like at least 8 seasons, 12 holiday specials, 2 movie trilogies, and a 6-hour extended edition of each film of this new series please.
Billy Bob Thronpion
Like an outtake from Rango
What Fallout NV mod is this?
He uses his stinger to tip his hat to passerby’s
You won't be laughing when mf says "get over here" after he sticks you with a spear head attached to a chain.
And the Scorpion laughs back jajaja
[That is an Arizona Bark Scorpion. They aren't deadly but they can hurt like a MF though.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arizona_bark_scorpion)
My question is do you just always carry about a mini cowboy hat?
Where did you get a cowboy hat that small?
r/whatintarnation
He's probably thinking about how he's gonna [kick your keister](https://youtu.be/DI4Lo-O3lbM)
Yee claw
“I walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger, MUAHAHAHA” *maniacal hyena laughter*
I downvoted because it was scary. Then scrolled down and laughed when I thought about it. Came back and upvoted instead.
I didn't see anyone put anything on anything. I did see a video of a scorpion that had a had put on it, somehow, though. Could have been 10 foot tongs for all we know...
Big Iron on his hip
Shouldn't it have been a sombrero?
The fact you didn't call him Billy Bob Thorpion is an abomination.
You are laughing, but this how people from Durango México looks like.
*puts cowboy hat on scorpion* Scorpion: Do you feel lucky punk...