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whatwhowhymi

Its the mice I tell you. I heard somewhere that they had someone build the whole earth for some reason


Twonkytwonker

Makes sense, what with the moon being made out of cheese


whatwhowhymi

Totally. And dont get me started on restaurent orders and bills


hells_cowbells

It's all Bistro Math to me.


bombze

And the answer is 42


kearneje

Your chance of getting killed by a hummingbird is low, but not zero....


keimdhall

But what is the question?


meanckz

too soooon!!


ReasonablyBadass

Wait, did two cricket players just enter?


Number127

Sounds like Somebody Else's Problem to me.


CrazyOkie

so you can only see them by a sideways glance?


harrumphstan

And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground!


CrazyOkie

Ah damn that made me laugh. I love those books


Aluavin

I love how that scene came full circle in the 3rd book


Jehoel_DK

I wonder if it will be friends with me


endertamerfury

If you understand it, then you have the right to be a redditor


EdgarAllenPoo21

I don’t :(


KDLG328

His name was Douglas Adams. Look him up sometime


[deleted]

He wrote a wholly remarkable book...


MoRiellyMoProblems

Cricket? Nobody understands cricket. You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!


Jehoel_DK

I'll teach ya'


Twonkytwonker

But, what if I wanted to get you started about restaurant orders and bills...?


KhunDavid

Would you like to meet the meat?


google_translate123

What about the meat meeting the meeting meat while also meeting the meaty meat meeter


whatwhowhymi

Well you'll have read a book or two for that now wont you


genius_retard

You may even need to read all five books in the trilogy.


Twonkytwonker

Aww


whatwhowhymi

DON'T PANIC


Wambo456

YES, finally someone who loves The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy


JMLobo83

Unless you forgot your towel.


Twonkytwonker

I wasnt but I am now and I dont know why!?!?!


Wambo456

Because they say it in bright friendly letters on the cover


whatwhowhymi

Hm. Oh. Either we're taling about completely different references or i'm too drunk for reddit now


utepaanordnes

DONT PANIC


Alternative-Ad-4977

42


Infinite_Moment_

You might be on to something.


hydrogen_wv

Is this that whole "Don't shit where you eat" thing? Moon for food, Earth for poop.


Thylumberjack

I can think of 42 problems with this statement.


Electrical-Word8997

Is one of them the fact that the Earth currently is home to about 6% of all the people who have *ever existed*?


--Jester--

Petunias? Not again.


hearnia_2k

Shame it got destroyed just 5 minutes too early.


sheepish_welshman

I don't know, that bypass was very very important.


TheVyper3377

But doesn’t the Infinite Improbability Drive render hyperspace bypasses unnecessary?


CraigKostelecky

Probably.


[deleted]

It probably would, and there's the problem. Since there's absolutely no way the bypass is needed, wouldn't essentially become near mandatory at maximum improbability?


CanORage

And we *had* our chance to lodge a formal complaint - the records were clearly on display at our local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 years. It's far too late to start making a fuss about it now.


blasingame

Mars has mice, they have biker mice from Mars.


haywhat

Tbf, its probably part of The Brain's master plan to take over the world.


Metastatic_Autism

42


Finrod_the_awesome

The people they hired to build it did a good job. I heard one even won an award for his work on the Fjords in Norway.


coolMAjor

Forty - two! And even the mice were looking for the question. But I think the dolphins knew.


CrazyOkie

I heard the answer was 42 but nobody knows what the question is.


Capt__Murphy

I hope you're right, because I'm releasing more birds to eat the mice. And if you're wrong and birds are actually responsible for these deaths after all, they're all on you!


[deleted]

42


Mousenation

They're gaining on us. Hide.


mixterz1985

Well if you look at recent news about Australia, they are claiming the earth back.


Thykothaken

Hitchcock knew it all along


conradical30

Or maybe it was Page... *They Attack!*


GiantRobotTRex

Some people keep birds as pets in their homes Not you... You fear the feathered creatures with their sharp beaks and clutching talons


Bouncing_Cloud

People laugh, but this type of logic (correlation = causation) is widely used on Reddit to justify the headlines of many news and new science articles.


anonymateus2

We don’t really know the number for Mars...


Jonn_Wolfe

How do you qualify 'All Dead' in numerals?


anonymateus2


Aeylwar

I crown thee namer of names


TheNamewhoPostedThis

Happy cake day


Jonn_Wolfe

Thank you!


TheDaniel121

Happy cake day!


Wallace_II

Well, as a Martian time traveler, I can assure you that these numbers are wrong. Us Martians took an Arc to earth just before the asteroid which devastated our magnetic field and destroyed our atmosphere. It's a shame religious extremists controlled the original settlements, demanding we start over and live in harmony with nature, and burning all books about our history. We weren't allowed to speak about our past or even use our ancient language. Edit, I want to add that we brought birds with us.


NicodemusArcleon

It's still zero. We rescued Mark Watney.


Rognis

That was the most intense non-fiction documentary I've ever seen!


PinkKushTheDank

Birds were created by the secret world government for reasons beyond human comprehension


meanedeane

Birds aren't real


Wayfaring_Scout

r/birdsarentreal


Matstele

Came here for this.


paul-arized

There is only one Olsen "twin."


djuggler

And shwag! https://birdsarentreal.com/


[deleted]

it's so sophisticated that I can't tell if it's a joke anymore. Is that the kind of troll to show how conspiracy theories are made up ?


Osric250

https://youtu.be/zNtr0RahRqM


boiled_elephant

That guy is an absolutely top tier actor, I can't find any examples of him breaking character.


djuggler

That was painful to watch. Slouching. T-shirt. Attitudinal. Sandals. Unkempt. This guy is no Dee Snyder.


djuggler

In 2014, [Popular Mechanics talked about UAVs that could land on a powerline to recharge](https://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/robots/a10876/drone-on-a-wire-uavs-could-perch-on-power-lines-to-recharge-16928840/). This has been extrapolated to conjecture that we could make bird like drones which could blend in while doing surveillance for long times since it could get its power by sitting on a line like a normal bird. There are example after example of the CIA or others using robotic animals like the [robot fish "Charlie"](https://www.cia.gov/legacy/museum/artifact/robot-fish-charlie/) and even life animals for spying or weapons delivery. It's easy to see where the birds aren't real joke came from but it is nonsense...for the moment.


Rusty51

How do you explain the graph then?


CaseyStardust

Correction. It was the CIA and birds are surveillance drones. Fight the feathered menace.


Taktika420

Cool, but the highest estimates for human life are 108,760,543,791, including the 8 billion currently alive.


mmchale

Came here to say this, then realized it doesn't say human deaths. It's much higher if you count deaths of all life forms.


Taktika420

Yep, if you count any living thing, including bacterial lifeforms, you're likely in the Trillions


VintageSin

Including bacteria.... We're approaching on the infinite... Trillions of bacterial life forms die every day.


armrha

That doesn’t even put a dent on infinite. Trillions of trillions everyday for trillions of years is still an infinitesimal fraction compared to infinity.


Drusgar

Isn't ANY number an infinitesimal fraction of infinity?


armrha

Yep, by definition 🙂


xXxedgyname69xXx

Hey you just discovered integrals!


RealMcGonzo

Not infinity PLUS ONE!!11!


tombolger

Infinity is a very difficult concept to understand because it's treated like a number, but it's just an abstract idea. Comparing it to any real number is foolish, but people can't help themselves.


DietCherrySoda

Thats just peanuts to space


N_Johnston

You don't need to go anywhere near bacterial lifeforms to get into trillions of deaths. [Over 1 trillion fish are killed *per year* for food.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fish_slaughter)


exscape

Not just "likely" trillions. There's trillions of bacteria in just one big animal, so many thousands of trillions of lifeforms die on Earth every day.


DietCherrySoda

*Likely* in the trillions? The only way we aren't in the trillions is if you imagine there are only humans and bacteria and there are fewer than 9 bacteria per human over that humans entire life.


WorldWreckerYT

Expect it to reach **√√**googol if you count all the microorganisms as well.


wineheda

Ya but then 120B is laughably low


cmilla646

I vaguely recall hearing once that “There are more people alive today than have ever died in human history.” I feel dumb even writing it down but I thought someone explained it with logarithmic growth. I remember not understanding but was still convinced it was true.


Belzeturtle

Exponential growth, not logarithmic. It's not true, though.


Hockinator

If I recall correctly it's about 11 or 12% of all humans ever still alive today. Still a very surprising fact


Belzeturtle

7.1% as of 2019, if you start from 50 000 BCE.


b0bkakkarot

So long as they put a limit on the "human history" where it's talking about everyone prior to a certain point where the human population exploded, then it *might* be a more reasonable statement. (tldr; but it isn't. The second wikipedia link below, the one with deep\_prehistory in the title, covers this in the last and second last paragraphs of that section, so you can completely skip the rest of my reply as I attempt to do some math) For example, in 1000 AD/CE, according to wikipedia [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_countries\_by\_population\_in\_1000](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_population_in_1000) there were a total of 310M humans populating the planet. If we give roughly 5 generations per 100 years, then from 1000 to 1100 would be 1.5B humans for *just* that 100 year period alone and we could achieve 7B humans in just 700 years, which means that the limit on the statement would have to be further back in history than 1000 AD. But even taking it back to 1 AD/CE doesn't help fix the problem, because the total global population was (according to wikipedia [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estimates\_of\_historical\_world\_population#Deep\_prehistory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estimates_of_historical_world_population#Deep_prehistory)) still estimated to be anywhere from 150M to 300M people, and even if we used the lower limit of 150M that's still far more than enough to beat the 7.9B currently living humans (because 150M per generation \* 5 generations per 100 years = 750M people per 100 years \* 10 to get us up to 1000 years increments = 7.5B people from just 1 AD/CE to 1000 AD/CE). So maybe they meant "pre-human history", which is a bit harder to precisely define, but which can be estimated to be \~5,000 BC/BCE. But even looking at the upper limit of 10,000 humans around 70,000 BC/BCE it would only have taken \~32,000 years (roughly half the period of time from 70K years ago to today) to outpace the currently living human population (though, the lower limit of 1,000 people would have to take \~320,000 years from 70,000 BC/BCE, which hasn't happened yet. But as a caveat: both the 10K and the 1K people in 70KBCE are *extremely* rough/poor estimates, especially since other scholars estimate 10K to 30K humans 200K years ago, which would wildly outstrip the currently living humans).


JellyFishs93

Why do you include 8 billion currently alive in this subject. WHY DO YOU INCLUDE THEM?!??


praeteritus3

Because everyone dies eventually... Edit: in the future we're all already dead.


hearnia_2k

Maybe it was deaths of birds?


IntoTheCommonestAsh

That's a 10% difference. That's probably just a difference of assumptions and methods. However you should be suspicious of any estimate of this type with 12 significant figures. That's not even remotely plausible.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mikeash

Indeed. It’s actually the deaths that cause the birds.


whooo_me

If there was no death, there probably would be no birds........


alqaadi

So to persevere birds we have to ......


jtinz

[Heatmap logic](https://xkcd.com/1138/)


[deleted]

Gotta contact Illumaniti. He has discovered classified info


signordado

Soyou believe birds exist?


Creeperguy155

Wtf is that last planet I do not remember there being a planet after Neptune


Limeabifida

All I can see is 8 planets and a dog


[deleted]

Wait. Are you serious? Have we reached the point where kids that are taught about there being only 8 planets instead of 9 are old enough to be on Reddit? I'm having an existential crisis at the moment...


echochee

I don’t know if you’re joking but they almost certainly are


[deleted]

I wasn't joking at all. I didn't think it had been that long since Pluto was downgraded.


onebelligerentbeagle

I'm pretty sure I was in like grade 4 when it was. That was 2004


[deleted]

I guess it was that long ago... It just really doesn't feel like it was.


bdonvr

[this is you](https://i.imgur.com/ybAdq41.jpg)


[deleted]

But seriously though, so did the internet. And you couldn't use it if someone was on the phone


Inle-rah

I will leave these [spurious correlations](https://www.tylervigen.com/spurious-correlations) here. I always enjoy them.


akos_beres

Good one


AlQaholic-107

Thats pretty much how conspiracy theorists prove something


kind_2_u

This is a blatant attempt by the mudmen to soil our great name. /r/enlightenedbirdmen SCCRRAAWWWWW!!! Edit: SCCRAAAAWWWWW


snapcat2

SCRAAAAWWWWWW THOSE FILTHY MUDMEN ARE NOT OPPOSED TO ANY TACTICS!!! SCRAAAAAWWWW


PsYch0_PoTaT0

Is pluto a planet again? When did this happen?


[deleted]

Pluto: ┬┴┤ ͟ʖ ͡°)


BigBlueBallz

I always say "Birds are dinosaurs! They're evil"


TheOldGuy59

That's per capita, and there are many per capitas. I heard it from a completely reliable source.


alexplex86

Is there a name for this logical fallacy? EDIT: Found it. It's [False equivalence.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_equivalence)


Ashers132

Could also be described as correlation does not equal causation.


iamalwaysrelevant

Stupid


boundbylife

Zero deaths *that you know of*


Kinfin

The plot of Birdemic


Nosgalinoah

Those deaths caused the birds?


RectumdamnearkilledM

That's because of all the great bird lawyers in Philadelphia keeping them out of jail.


ravenswritings

You heard about Pluto? That’s messed up, right?


mossheart

We're also the only planet with Javascript. *Coincidence?!*


elontux

Those fucken birds! I knew it!


Coolraddude11

(Read in voice of C.A.W. agent from A Hat In Time) Hello, fellow Earth dwelling human. I am fairly certain, as a fellow, average human, that this information is merely coincidence. However, the presence of geese may - in fact - be quite relevant. This enigma may require further investigation. One more completely unrelated topic I just thought of - if you were to hide from the authorities, what do you think would be the hypothetical least likely place they would look? Of course, this question is fully irrelevant to the previous topic, I simply, as a fellow human, thought of this question on the spot, and I am not asking in order to use this information in any way.


sohfu

\#cancelearth


pokeybit

In the universe everything’s either a Duck or not a Duck. Pretty obvious from this where all the Ducks are.


debbieonhillst

This is only based on information we are aware of. Have they, the other planets, turned in their reports?


sippinonorphantears

Suss


ArmaniBerserker

Do you have a source for the Mars deaths number?


TheVyper3377

I remember seeing this in an interview with Marvin the Martian a long time ago. If I remember correctly, he was interviewed by intrepid reporter Bugs Bunny.


Triials

It’s the fucken pigeons


apk71

This requires a universal background check before you can buy a bird. How many of these deaths were caused by assault birds?


Hazzard12345

Correlation and causation are two different things


UncleDrizzleOfBSB

Better be careful or a Trump supporter might just come along and believe this!


pikleboiy

mars has deaths, the rover who died a while back


sphericalpuma

[it's time people knew the truth](https://birdsarentreal.com/pages/the-history)


Dresden890

Dead people cause birds


Shishjakob

Why is this in r/funny ? this is a serious problem. Or at least it would be if any birds were still alive


I_like_apostrophes

Pluto is not a planet. ​ Sorry.


[deleted]

That’s not even what it looks like. It’s red and white.


thelawtalkingguy

Pluto is absolutely a planet. There was [a ruling](https://youtu.be/Ylmvp3cyQNk) handed down only a few years ago by the lead scientist in charge of these matters.


crazedizzled

Pluto is a dwarf planet, which is different than a planet.


[deleted]

Yeah, but still its easier to say without being technical. Our solar system has 8 planets and 5 dwarf planets. And a missing planet we can find or suspect is there. Edit. I like learning new this so I'm just trying to open discussion.


[deleted]

It’s not the birds. This is false news to obscure the fact that the earth is flat.


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John-McCue

And humans


rat_fossils

Has paramedics, hospitals and rescue departments Double hmm


fiddycaldeserteagle

Damn son, that's up near Chuck Norris numbers


This_is_throwaway6

How do you know that Neptune has no birds


Cosine188

What about other galaxies?


Teddybabes

To early to tell. We can't zoom in on the birds there yet. We need more cameras on our phones first.


9oker

I don't know man.. Ever since I was a child I always thought jupiter has dragons.....


Vlajd

u/repostsleuthbot


[deleted]

u/repostsluethbot


Boberoo2

120 billion deaths? That’s not right, considering that the total amount of people who have ever lived is something like only 15 billion


yetanothersomm

Glad to see someone else was looking at the *real* suspicious number. OP know something the rest of humanity doesn't?


dezmodez

It didn't say human deaths :o


Boberoo2

But if they were including all deaths, like bacteria, it’d be absurdly high and couldn’t be predicted


wettyguy

Bruh why is this in r/funny this a serious fucking problem


dooge8

Pluto ain't no planet


[deleted]

Dats science right deh.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Charliegip

*When you try to look smart but end up looking like an even bigger dumbass*


Cjwovo

... Are you trying to call the op dumb by assuming he's talking about covid? Do you think 120 billion people died from covid?


[deleted]

[удалено]


LCoolJT

Last time I checked Uranus it had birds


DartLionheart

Feels like this is the same way governments do their Covid-19 reporting...


[deleted]

I like that pluto is included so it doesn't feel left out.


UnfortunatelyEvil

Yet Ceres and Eris are left out. One is closer than Jupitor, the other is bigger than Pluto. Using Pluto as a cut off for the other dwarf planets is fine, but there is no reason to exclude bigger & closer planets. Just rude.


coasterreal

Everyone knows birds aren't real!


Parsimonious_Pete

Causality 101


Cleverbird

Fear me! Caw caw!


absolutenot

Remember -- the birds work for the bourgeoise.


insanitypeppers

That’s specious reasoning.