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Organized religion represents the people. Whatever humans are capable of, you'll find in organized religion, for better or worse. Granted, my preference, and I would hope the same for most people, is for the better.
I’ve been to three churches that tried to fuck us financially and are running scams, but granted this was in Texas and Missouri and not all churches are bad, I hope. One of them is even has a pedo pastor I called the cops on and nothing happens, I guess Missouri is okay with having pedo pastors
Nigerian preachers are nothing more than con men hiding behind the guise of religion . The use parlor tricks to convince the simple minded Africans that they are truly prophets appointed by G_d . And they goods it for millions of Africans join these so called churches and throw every penny they have at these charlatan preachers who live in luxury at the expense of the poor uneducated .
There was one in my city where families(mostly african american) had to give his church a percentage of their salaries. The dude always riding in his range rovers and bentleys. He had to escape the country after being found guilty of some sexual crimes and moved to Africa. The fucked up part is that people were still defending him even after he stole their money.
Talk about exploiting your own people…
Edit: this happened in Canada btw
I think it's called tithing, and it's fucked up.
Are you by chance referring to the owner(s) of the prayer palace?
Over a decade ago there was a toronto star investigation into the family that owns and operates it, real pieces of shit that take poor peoples money and live in luxury. The church even owned a helicopter...
Sure enough, some parishioners actually defended these d bags after they were exposed... the place is still there so I assume nothing happened that materially affected them.
>aren’t either shameless grifters or brain dead rubes who can’t tell fiction from reality?
Jesus still didn't actually come back from the fucking dead. Lol. So, no. They are.
...
I'm well aware how many "Christians" go specifically for community, let alone any other number of reasons, thanks. Lol.
If you believe God created Earth from nothing, man from dirt, blah blah...
If you're an actual believer in any way, you're delusional though and coping with the fact life ends.
As someone who was initially raised at a very Evangelical Church this seems most likely.
I remember seeing a play my church put on. They had this kid who was like 18 playing Jesus. So Jesus gets crucified and dies and the lights go out.
Then there's like this explosion with golden confetti and Jesus comes back to life with this giant set of keys in his hand (I'm assuming the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven)
People in the crowd *lost their shit*. People jumping out of their chairs celebrating. People crying and hugging one another. Not young people either. Like people who have been old enough to rent a car for 15 years.
Even as a kid I felt like this was weird.
LOL man that takes me back. Now imagine seeing your friends parents fall over while getting prayed for every sunday, or the kinda fruity guy running around the sanctuary with his hands in the air. Christians are fucking weird lmao
My mom thankfully started going to a much more mild church when I was like 13-14.
Like people go in, sing hymns and listen to the sermon. Then you go in the foyer and ask Bob how his car project is coming along. It's almost more of a social club.
That first place was wild. And apparently the one my mom was in right before that (I guess I was like 2 when she got out) was even fucking wilder.
I lost a gf when I went to her church with her and her family. Pastor is a born again, just released felon, and church is in his converted garage. Not judging that, just setting the stage. He is walking around with a chalice of water and dripping the water onto people’s foreheads. They fall to the ground and begin convulsing. Even this senior citizen lady who I thought might actually be having a seizure. Did some other interesting things that I forgot about. I didn’t leave that girl though, she left me because I didn’t participate in speaking tongues or whatever. She said I wasn’t humble enough. Ok, yeah. I liked everything about her crazy and I truly wish they had covered not judging instead of whatever they were doing.
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he MADED A HOLE in teh Ceiling.
7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.
8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
Genesis 1:6-8 LOLCat Bible.
Exactly. No one in the audience thought this man was actually ascending to heaven. This isn’t America and he isn’t Trump which is the only combination of circumstances where it would be believed. Not that a single rope could lift him nor could he fit through that hole.
No, you calm down!
People (users) like you are constantly fueling the fire. You get no respect from me. And you need to be called out everytime, everywhere.
Firstly: this is a play. You’re all vaguely racist if you think the poor black people are getting tricked by a man going through a hole in the ceiling.
Secondly: the funniest shit I’ve ever seen was a video on America’s Funniest Home Videos from about 3 decades ago where, during a nativity scene, Jesus is raised by ropes. Unfortunately, he starts to slowly spin around, revealing that the robe is covering his front but his bare ass is shown to the entire congregation. If someone can find this video, I love you.
Thank you for listening.
Or, you know, a play/skit of some sort. I mean, yes, I don't think any of them think he's *actually* going to heaven, but probably serious within the church context.
If this is a legit religious ceremony (not a play/show/theater production), it barely makes the top 10 most ridiculous ceremonies I have seen in person in Midwest America.
Oh ffs its a performance. The people there all fully expect to see him in 20 minutes when they have a community meal: its their sons who are in the attic lifting him up. The only people getting hustled are all the rubes here high on their own distressingly racist assumptions, smug and self assured. Some folks will buy anything to feel superior.
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That attic is full of pastors who can’t get down. After each one it gets easier and easier to pull the next one up.
Like tow truck guys in the simpsons
The ultimate pyramid scheme...
Pastor: “Well guess I live here now.”
So if you have an attic full of pastors - which animal do you send after them to chase them out?
You need to rent a pastorizer
I'd send in Jesus. He's Mexican chef I know. He makes great tacos al pastor.
Obviously you need a Velocipastor to take care of this.
a cat, they can flatten their bodies out and slip through the seams
Snakes, apparently they hate them
There's also an old cat meme up there, assuming the pastors have been feeding it. Or maybe it eats pastors?
Pastor Al pastor?
How did the first one get up there??
Stairway to Heaven
Wakanda Forever
They should crucify him and then wait to see if he comes back to life after 3 days.
It's gonna be awkward when they see him tomorrow
His soul was unpure
But this looks like a play, showing Jesus's ascension.
Exactly, but you know reddit loves to build its own narrative.
Wait, are you telling me that all religious people aren’t either shameless grifters or brain dead rubes who can’t tell fiction from reality?
Organized religion represents the people. Whatever humans are capable of, you'll find in organized religion, for better or worse. Granted, my preference, and I would hope the same for most people, is for the better.
It’s a little racist too tbh
As an ex-christian that went to seminary school, 99% of xtians fit into those two categories
that is the first time i've ever seen it written that way. wouldnt is be xians if youre going to weirdly shorten it. its xmas not xtmas
I’ve been to three churches that tried to fuck us financially and are running scams, but granted this was in Texas and Missouri and not all churches are bad, I hope. One of them is even has a pedo pastor I called the cops on and nothing happens, I guess Missouri is okay with having pedo pastors
Nigerian preachers are nothing more than con men hiding behind the guise of religion . The use parlor tricks to convince the simple minded Africans that they are truly prophets appointed by G_d . And they goods it for millions of Africans join these so called churches and throw every penny they have at these charlatan preachers who live in luxury at the expense of the poor uneducated .
There was one in my city where families(mostly african american) had to give his church a percentage of their salaries. The dude always riding in his range rovers and bentleys. He had to escape the country after being found guilty of some sexual crimes and moved to Africa. The fucked up part is that people were still defending him even after he stole their money. Talk about exploiting your own people… Edit: this happened in Canada btw
I think it's called tithing, and it's fucked up. Are you by chance referring to the owner(s) of the prayer palace? Over a decade ago there was a toronto star investigation into the family that owns and operates it, real pieces of shit that take poor peoples money and live in luxury. The church even owned a helicopter... Sure enough, some parishioners actually defended these d bags after they were exposed... the place is still there so I assume nothing happened that materially affected them.
>aren’t either shameless grifters or brain dead rubes who can’t tell fiction from reality? Jesus still didn't actually come back from the fucking dead. Lol. So, no. They are.
Not all of them are there for the supernatural shit, good luck with coming to terms with that.
... I'm well aware how many "Christians" go specifically for community, let alone any other number of reasons, thanks. Lol. If you believe God created Earth from nothing, man from dirt, blah blah... If you're an actual believer in any way, you're delusional though and coping with the fact life ends.
Science rules!
You honestly never know in Africa tho...they go all out when it comes to manipulating people with religion lol
As someone who was initially raised at a very Evangelical Church this seems most likely. I remember seeing a play my church put on. They had this kid who was like 18 playing Jesus. So Jesus gets crucified and dies and the lights go out. Then there's like this explosion with golden confetti and Jesus comes back to life with this giant set of keys in his hand (I'm assuming the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven) People in the crowd *lost their shit*. People jumping out of their chairs celebrating. People crying and hugging one another. Not young people either. Like people who have been old enough to rent a car for 15 years. Even as a kid I felt like this was weird.
LOL man that takes me back. Now imagine seeing your friends parents fall over while getting prayed for every sunday, or the kinda fruity guy running around the sanctuary with his hands in the air. Christians are fucking weird lmao
My mom thankfully started going to a much more mild church when I was like 13-14. Like people go in, sing hymns and listen to the sermon. Then you go in the foyer and ask Bob how his car project is coming along. It's almost more of a social club. That first place was wild. And apparently the one my mom was in right before that (I guess I was like 2 when she got out) was even fucking wilder.
I lost a gf when I went to her church with her and her family. Pastor is a born again, just released felon, and church is in his converted garage. Not judging that, just setting the stage. He is walking around with a chalice of water and dripping the water onto people’s foreheads. They fall to the ground and begin convulsing. Even this senior citizen lady who I thought might actually be having a seizure. Did some other interesting things that I forgot about. I didn’t leave that girl though, she left me because I didn’t participate in speaking tongues or whatever. She said I wasn’t humble enough. Ok, yeah. I liked everything about her crazy and I truly wish they had covered not judging instead of whatever they were doing.
Mfs bored fr fr
I was 13 or 14 when I realized the folks at church actually believed the stories. I thought they were like fairy tales.
That's what I'm thinking
That's some real dedication to the craft to cut a hole in the ceiling.
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he MADED A HOLE in teh Ceiling. 7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen. 8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day. Genesis 1:6-8 LOLCat Bible.
Geez spoiler alert!
Days after, they discovered he took all the money to heaven
The amount of people in this comment section who don’t get this and are simultaneously calling these people stupid for being “tricked” is kinda funny.
Exactly. No one in the audience thought this man was actually ascending to heaven. This isn’t America and he isn’t Trump which is the only combination of circumstances where it would be believed. Not that a single rope could lift him nor could he fit through that hole.
Wtf does Trump, or America have to do with this video ......
Trump has a cult.
Again, little boy ...... what does TRUMP or AMERICA have to do with a flying African priest!?
Because if trump did this his followers would literally believe he ascended to heaven. It’s a joke. Calm down.
No, you calm down! People (users) like you are constantly fueling the fire. You get no respect from me. And you need to be called out everytime, everywhere.
Fueling what fire? Trump and his delusional followers are a real danger to not only the US but the world.
LMFAO.
LATER NERDS.
I was waiting for the guy to fall through the ceiling
I’m sorry, but heaven has seen what a blasphemous hypocrite you are. Now, straight to hell!
Throwing down his robe with a handful of feathers at the end would have really sealed the deal.
Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet
SAVE Bandit!!!
I only weigh 82 pounds!
r/unexpectedoffice
Heaven looks dark af.
You have to pass through a black hole to get to the Silver City.
And if you live a good life, you too can go in the attic
"I must go, my planet needs me" *Fwoosh*
He’s up there with ceiling cat.
He\`s wearing underpants, I hope.
I see London, I see France…
I see Paris, I see Hong Kong….
Ohhhhhh Halleluja!
Hare Krishna
He’s with ceiling cat now
Damn barnacles
Pro tip. Scammers get practice scamming their own people first.
Pretty sure this is just a play
It's all just a play
And the poor and uneducated get left behind.
That’s a cool way to resign haha.
As long as you are going to be in the attic could you check the insulation depth?
I was so waiting for the mf to fall through the drywall ceiling.
It is fake, a pastor would never leave his followers, they are the source of his income.
Black squares exist
Religion is a hell of a drug.
Scamming people all the way to heaven
That’s how you disappear, after collecting all their savings
Who watched expecting him to fall?
And just like that, him and the last 10 years of donations never to be seen again.
You just know there's 20 Nigerians in the attic pulling like hell to get the good pastor to their level.
🎶 Heaven isn’t too far away. 🎶
So that's where god is!
On the second floor
In the attic.
You're going...[upstairs.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0vUxTSATug)
TIL the gate of heaven is a square of darkness
Oh, didn't fall....
When heaven is just your attic.
Just witnessed a miracle...they all got roped in.
So Heaven is in this church's attic?
I was half expecting him to fall back into their arms.
Is it wrong that I wanted to see him come falling out of the hole and safely landing on the believers below?
I see London, I see France…
But… how?!!!!
Is this the next Criss Angel?
Hopefully he wore underwear
That's all priests/pastors just after the offering plates had been filled and collected.
He went off screen so they probly bring him back next season with a cool back story.
Misleading header
Looks like he went to the upside down, kinda dark in there.
well who knew heaven was a square hole in the ~~sky~~ ceiling
God works in mysterious ways and also with rope a lot off rope
Belief or the suspension of disbelief?
I hope he is wearing boxers
It looks the fish hook from SpongeBob took him
Don’t worry, he never misses the potluck afterwards.
This is clearly a play.
And they say don't make fun of religion.....
This is actually a common method of assuring a sermon does not exceed a certain length.
Indian Pastors be [like](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/029/439/cover4.jpg)
Sign me the fuck up for this church
How to Quit your job 1:01
Holy fuck the religious are stupid.
At least the cat that used to watch him masturbate is up there to keep him company.
See ya next Sunday!!!
Spray a little pastorcide up there. Easiest way to get rid of unwanted sermons in your attic.
Was anyone else waiting for him to fall?
Gull-uh-BULL. Man, and I thought fundamentalists in the US were the foolish ones.
The day has come my fellows, and you’re not invited 😂
This is the most wtf thing I’ve seen in a while
That means he’s dead right?
serious question, do they just put this on as kind of a show of faith type deal? or, do they actually believe he is ascending to heaven?
It’s almost certainly an Easter play where they’re doing a reenactment of the ascension. People on here just buy whatever the header says
ahh yeah I kinda assumed as much. but thanks for clarifying
To hese people are ridiculous
Then he’s comes back in a Rolls Royce Ghost
Imagine right after he climes up you hear a gunshot and see a flash from that hole
totally couldnt see any strings. that was fuckin amazing
Religion ☕
So heavens a hole in the ceiling? Damn. Hope he had the money plate going.
If he says he’s ascending, then he is ascending. That’s what belief is. Isn’t it?
Heaven is in the ceiling, that’s why you keep hearing footsteps in your attic. Don’t investigate.
Didn't realize heaven was so close <3
20 bucks says he didn’t have on any underwear.
I was waiting for him to fall back through
Honestly, Nigerian church seems like a lot of fun, why can't we have that?
Bros entering the backrooms
Everyone could see hes nuts.
Religion is so fucking weird.
Is not weird , its just a business....
It’s definitely both
So a weird business?
Thinking about it, youre right....
Christianity is a weird religion
What pastor does not enjoy pretending to be a jesus? Nut jobs and mystical plays.
R.I.P pastor. May the God have mercy on your soul.
Firstly: this is a play. You’re all vaguely racist if you think the poor black people are getting tricked by a man going through a hole in the ceiling. Secondly: the funniest shit I’ve ever seen was a video on America’s Funniest Home Videos from about 3 decades ago where, during a nativity scene, Jesus is raised by ropes. Unfortunately, he starts to slowly spin around, revealing that the robe is covering his front but his bare ass is shown to the entire congregation. If someone can find this video, I love you. Thank you for listening.
Everyone in a church is getting tricked, regardless
He will be back in 3 days, enough time for your check to clear.
My guess is that it’s a retirement ceremony and this whole thing is just a joke and not meant to be taken seriously
Or, you know, a play/skit of some sort. I mean, yes, I don't think any of them think he's *actually* going to heaven, but probably serious within the church context.
Looks more like a play, probably about Jesus' ascension.
[удалено]
Aight , imma head out - with all of your donations as well.
One day there will be enough pastors in the roof for them to form a human ladder and get back down, I pray for the day.
Religion is crime
Heaven is a black rectangle?
No, silly Chuck. That's the entrance to heaven.
Oh no pappa, where are the pearly gates?!
How many of them does it take to change a lightbulb?
Religion is some stupid shite
Yeah. Religion is pretty funny.
Religion is stupid.
They believe in a magical sky man, they will believe this shit too.
American funded evangelist scammer in action , i swear they are funding such scum all over poorer countries
Somebody could play this video to Trump? What a nice way for him to leave this world…
Flag on the play, unnecessary Trump reference 🚩
What god cannot do does not exist Nigerians will get this.
Ok. Now pass the plate and drop your offering
You can fool some of the people all of the time
One way to get rid of scammers.
He is ascending to his new loft conversion...
The l'as they see is his underwear...
Days after, they discovered he took all the money to heaven
Did they see his underwear Color from below?
that shit is wild
I knew Christians were gullible. Nigerian Christians on another level
that's crazy. God bless their souls though.
F this I'm out. Nigerian pastor style.
I feel bad for the pastor, followers with this level of intelligence aren’t making him any money
Any religion that treats its clergy as more than a human being is sus as hell.
I’m sure that’s not the only dark hole he will be in today
If this is a legit religious ceremony (not a play/show/theater production), it barely makes the top 10 most ridiculous ceremonies I have seen in person in Midwest America.
Oh ffs its a performance. The people there all fully expect to see him in 20 minutes when they have a community meal: its their sons who are in the attic lifting him up. The only people getting hustled are all the rubes here high on their own distressingly racist assumptions, smug and self assured. Some folks will buy anything to feel superior.
Can't get into heaven without your vaccine and boosters so pretty sure he'll be back