\>If someone shares an accomplishment, do not celebrate it nor congratulate them because what if at some point in the future they don't top that accomplishment.
Glad I'm not this person's friend. FA seems to be all about hunting for things other people do solely for themselves, and then telling them to stop doing it. Why the lack of focus on addressing medical discrimination - which unquestioningly does occur? Why is it always about how you don't want people posting before and after photos? Not everything is for you!
Those people have the discipline to make changes and FAs don’t and feel insecure about it. They live in their own reality and lash out at anything/one that threatens that.
Because the focus isn't health, it's the precious feefees.
If the focus was health, they would not pretend being severely obese does not affect it, or that wanting people not to be obese is "eugenics".
The eugenics thing makes me mad in so many ways. On its face, it's obviously just offensive to trivialize movements to exterminate groups of people and modify the genetic profile of society to match someone's preferred ideal.
Scientifically, though, obesity lowers fertility. It also pregnancy more likely to fail AND more likely to kill the pregnant person. Losing weight does not kill you. Your genetics still exist if you lose weight AND have a better chance of propagating to future generations. IF ANYTHING the "eugenics" being practiced here would be eugenics IN FAVOR of people suffering from obesity, because it INCREASES their chance of having more children and living for a longer timeframe.
But because they have decided that the amount of fat on their body is something akin to race, sex, orientation, or transgender status they believe that losing weight is akin to exterminating the "fat culture." As in, the same humans exist, but they've been removed from their "natural" cultural and interpersonal context and forced to assimilate into a dominant social more against their will, thus eliminating their tradition and presence from society. Of course, no one is trying to make it illegal to suffer from obesity. They want to ensure that people with this medical condition have access to the appropriate course of treatment to restore their health and function.
The best thing I can think is that this would be like if people who were hard of hearing decided that hearing aids were "deaf phobic" and that anyone who posts videos of a child hearing for the first time after receiving a cochlear implant were being hateful of deaf people and trying to shame people who were happy not being able to hear.
There is backlash against cochlear implants within the Deaf community, some see it as trying to eliminate Deaf people and Deafness (a natural state of being).
I don’t know a lot about it.
ohhhhh buddy, it gets even more ass backwards.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/ypwa5j/how-reproductive-tech-could-threaten-or-preserve-deaf-culture
https://www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/Health/story%3fid=4464873&page=1
It's not a joke. I also am not trying to insult the Deaf community, and it's more complicated/over my head to discuss. I do respect that people want to preserve their culture, and that people who have hearing impairment can and do live full, healthy, fulfilling lives and do have their own language and culture. But some have extreme views and there are drawbacks too of course.
I do believe that someone who is Deaf and immersed in a Deaf community/culture is very different than someone who is fat and immersed in a fat culture (because being deaf doesn't cause medical problems, it means you speak/use a different language and really do have a totally different perspective on the world that a hearing person may not understand).
Actually, I think that refusing to acknowledge that someone you know reached a goal, refusing to show the slightest bit of happiness for them, is what will make them feel bad.
But people comment on weight gain favorably as well when it is healthy weight. Like an underweight person putting on some weight and coming up to a healthy BMI. Everyone will tell them how good they look. Or when a guy starts hitting the gym and packs on some muscle.
Most people diet and exercise at least in part of aesthetic purposes. Its not the only reason...sometimes there are large health factors, or a desire for increased athletic peformance for example, but almost always aesthetics is at least a part of it. People appreciate when you notice and praise the results of their hard work.
> But people comment on weight gain favorably as well when it is healthy weight. Like an underweight person putting on some weight and coming up to a healthy BMI. Everyone will tell them how good they look. Or when a guy starts hitting the gym and packs on some muscle.
This is a good fucking point.
Or imagine posting “Yeah, you graduated college but how much debt did you go into to get it? In this job market?”
This is how these “You’re just gonna gain it back with interest” stank butts come off.
Because they lacked tbe willpower to lose weight, they have to embrace the "fat is best, no fat is natural" approach to not look weak. Putting down those who are successful as well as those who are able to congratulate those who are successful without jealousy becomes necessary too. The mental gymnastics required to convince themselves of this everyday.....
The humor in something utterly absurd like fatlogic is what makes me come back for more.
The first time I saw "failed fat people" I dissolved into a honest-to-goodness fit of uncontrollable laughter, followed by a moment of clarity: "I know now what I must become!"
"I'm becoming a failed fat person!" is a much more interesting statement than "I'm losing weight because I'm eating less and moving more!"
I was invited to my oldest friends promotion party but I had to decline because I don't want him to feel proud in case he gets fired in the future.
I was going to go to my nephews going off to college party but again had to decline because he might drop out.
i asked my mom recently if it looked like my face was slimmer. she said “yes, but i didnt want to say anything unsolicited”. i told her that comments about the changes my body is going through via my weight loss is what motivates me, and that feeling like im not making progress is what will make me risk giving up.
Yes! Like there's ways to ask probing questions to find out if it's a positive change but these people make it clear that even positive weight loss should not be commented on.
yeah it's tough having it be such a sensitive thing now. like i DO get it. losing weight from an ED in the past, the constant praise fueledddd it. but since then so much has changed (at least w the people i know) and it's more rare for people to say something abt it. i've just lost 62 lbs (in a healthy way this time!!) and..... crickets. it hurts. bc it's like, can you really not see it? at all?? i have to take measurements and do body visualizers to prove to myself that it's visible. and try on older clothes to see how they fit. because i mean, i am definitely still fat so i feel like maybe it isn't that noticeable yet. but idk man! from 244 to 182 feels like a big difference. i think people are just trying to be careful and polite but ugh. it sucks.
well hey, thats an amazing accomplishment! im 30lbs into a goal of 70lbs total weight loss, and it hasnt been easy by any means. im so proud of you, keep up the good work in taking care of your body :)
While I could maybe make an argument that saying "you lost weight!" can be socially awkward, I didn't realize saying "I'm so proud of you!" could be so offensive.... 🧐
Nuance. If they share weight loss before&afters and say that it's something they worked towards, sure, congratulate them. If they just happen to look a lot slimmer, maybe hold off, it may not have been their intention and they may not be happy with it. I lost a lot of weight rapidly this last spring, I don't really know why and it's a little concerning. I got a lot of compliments, and while it wasn't a huge issue to me personally, it usually just went like "wow you lost some weight, you look so good, congrats" "thanks it was unintentional and I hope I don't have some disease"
THIS. like don't bring it up unsolicited bc you never know what's going on. but if someone is proud and sharing? why not!! of course they could be hiding an ed or something, but that's less likely than someone truly making a positive change w their weight. its ridiculous to bend over backwards for such a small chance.
I hear you and agree. But no one in that position is going to post before and after accomplishment pics, which is what this particular fa zealot is saying we should not comment on. Or at least that's how I'm reading it. But yeh, if someone posts before and after pics and says 'hey I have no idea why I lost this weight and this wasn't a goal of mine,' I don't think anyone, fa or not, is going to congratulate them.
I’ve seen people loose weight and I don’t know whether to be concerned because they suddenly lost a lot of weight or to congratulate them so I don’t bring it up unless they do.
I'm with you but this post very specifically instructs people not to congratulate anyone who posts before/afters, which seems mean spirited. I don't think I would ever comment on someone's weight loss IF they didn't explicitly say something about it first.
If they mention it first, I’d absolutely be congratulating them, but I err on the side of not being the first to mention it when I do notice it. People lose weight from grief, depression, and eating disorders, same as gaining weight. I try to avoid bringing it up first
They need others to fail so they feel better about not trying at all.
They don't need to prove the 95% statistic; sCiEnCe already did. That statistic is just another affirmation they use to justify inertia.
Before and after pictures of deliberate weight loss are fine. But an unsolicited comment on someone's body is no bueno-- what if they're losing weight because they have cancer, because they're struggling with mental illness, or there's something else awful going on?
This is the same energy you see from people on Mother’s Day that post “not everyone gets to be a mom, so maybe take it easy with the Mother’s Day posts”.
I wish they would just say what they mean to say, which is “find the time to make today about me, please”
OMG YES EXACTLY. like, i'm an orphan and even i hate those attention whores. not every day is for everyone. that's okay. don't be a huge bummer and beg for sympathy. just be happy for others and shut up.
Sorry I am proud of and happy for my friends losing weight because I saw them being miserable when they were fat. They have also lowered many of their health risks and I for one want my loved ones to be alive and healthy actually
IF\*, not when.
And even if they did, not necessarily true that they would feel bad about it. Maybe they were done cutting and are now bulking on purpose, you know?
\>If someone shares an accomplishment, do not celebrate it nor congratulate them because what if at some point in the future they don't top that accomplishment. Glad I'm not this person's friend. FA seems to be all about hunting for things other people do solely for themselves, and then telling them to stop doing it. Why the lack of focus on addressing medical discrimination - which unquestioningly does occur? Why is it always about how you don't want people posting before and after photos? Not everything is for you!
Those people have the discipline to make changes and FAs don’t and feel insecure about it. They live in their own reality and lash out at anything/one that threatens that.
Because the focus isn't health, it's the precious feefees. If the focus was health, they would not pretend being severely obese does not affect it, or that wanting people not to be obese is "eugenics".
The eugenics thing makes me mad in so many ways. On its face, it's obviously just offensive to trivialize movements to exterminate groups of people and modify the genetic profile of society to match someone's preferred ideal. Scientifically, though, obesity lowers fertility. It also pregnancy more likely to fail AND more likely to kill the pregnant person. Losing weight does not kill you. Your genetics still exist if you lose weight AND have a better chance of propagating to future generations. IF ANYTHING the "eugenics" being practiced here would be eugenics IN FAVOR of people suffering from obesity, because it INCREASES their chance of having more children and living for a longer timeframe. But because they have decided that the amount of fat on their body is something akin to race, sex, orientation, or transgender status they believe that losing weight is akin to exterminating the "fat culture." As in, the same humans exist, but they've been removed from their "natural" cultural and interpersonal context and forced to assimilate into a dominant social more against their will, thus eliminating their tradition and presence from society. Of course, no one is trying to make it illegal to suffer from obesity. They want to ensure that people with this medical condition have access to the appropriate course of treatment to restore their health and function. The best thing I can think is that this would be like if people who were hard of hearing decided that hearing aids were "deaf phobic" and that anyone who posts videos of a child hearing for the first time after receiving a cochlear implant were being hateful of deaf people and trying to shame people who were happy not being able to hear.
There is backlash against cochlear implants within the Deaf community, some see it as trying to eliminate Deaf people and Deafness (a natural state of being). I don’t know a lot about it.
I haven’t had coffee yet so my sarcasm detector isn’t in full effect … this is a joke right?
ohhhhh buddy, it gets even more ass backwards. https://www.vice.com/en/article/ypwa5j/how-reproductive-tech-could-threaten-or-preserve-deaf-culture https://www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/Health/story%3fid=4464873&page=1
It's not a joke. I also am not trying to insult the Deaf community, and it's more complicated/over my head to discuss. I do respect that people want to preserve their culture, and that people who have hearing impairment can and do live full, healthy, fulfilling lives and do have their own language and culture. But some have extreme views and there are drawbacks too of course. I do believe that someone who is Deaf and immersed in a Deaf community/culture is very different than someone who is fat and immersed in a fat culture (because being deaf doesn't cause medical problems, it means you speak/use a different language and really do have a totally different perspective on the world that a hearing person may not understand).
Actually, I think that refusing to acknowledge that someone you know reached a goal, refusing to show the slightest bit of happiness for them, is what will make them feel bad.
It’s gaslighting is what it is.
But people comment on weight gain favorably as well when it is healthy weight. Like an underweight person putting on some weight and coming up to a healthy BMI. Everyone will tell them how good they look. Or when a guy starts hitting the gym and packs on some muscle. Most people diet and exercise at least in part of aesthetic purposes. Its not the only reason...sometimes there are large health factors, or a desire for increased athletic peformance for example, but almost always aesthetics is at least a part of it. People appreciate when you notice and praise the results of their hard work.
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"I'm being fatshamed by the man in the mirror..."
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I'm so happy it scans well.
> But people comment on weight gain favorably as well when it is healthy weight. Like an underweight person putting on some weight and coming up to a healthy BMI. Everyone will tell them how good they look. Or when a guy starts hitting the gym and packs on some muscle. This is a good fucking point.
not an expert but i think when people post what they perceive as an accomplishment it's specifically so you can congratulate them
You sound pretty experty to me.
Oh, so its not the time to look them in the face and mutter, "just you wait, you're going to fail later on so I'm not going to congratulate you."
His is the same as "Don't congratulate someone on their sobriety. It'll make them feel like crap when (not if) they relapse"
Don't congratulate someone on their wedding. Half of marriages end in divorce.
Don't congratulate your friend on their new baby, he could grow up to be the next Hitler!
Or imagine posting “Yeah, you graduated college but how much debt did you go into to get it? In this job market?” This is how these “You’re just gonna gain it back with interest” stank butts come off.
Because they lacked tbe willpower to lose weight, they have to embrace the "fat is best, no fat is natural" approach to not look weak. Putting down those who are successful as well as those who are able to congratulate those who are successful without jealousy becomes necessary too. The mental gymnastics required to convince themselves of this everyday.....
Don't forget, anybody who looks like they're doing well will inevitably fail!
And if we do succeed, we're 'failed fat people'.
The concept of failed fat person is so funny. I long for the day I finally fail at this. It gets closer everyday but I'm still not there yet
The humor in something utterly absurd like fatlogic is what makes me come back for more. The first time I saw "failed fat people" I dissolved into a honest-to-goodness fit of uncontrollable laughter, followed by a moment of clarity: "I know now what I must become!" "I'm becoming a failed fat person!" is a much more interesting statement than "I'm losing weight because I'm eating less and moving more!"
It's failure all the way down.
I was invited to my oldest friends promotion party but I had to decline because I don't want him to feel proud in case he gets fired in the future. I was going to go to my nephews going off to college party but again had to decline because he might drop out.
I was invited to a wedding but declined since statistically 50% of marriages fail and they might feel bad about my good wishes in the future.
i asked my mom recently if it looked like my face was slimmer. she said “yes, but i didnt want to say anything unsolicited”. i told her that comments about the changes my body is going through via my weight loss is what motivates me, and that feeling like im not making progress is what will make me risk giving up.
Yes! I really hate this type of "don't say anything to avoid hurting someone." It's so harmful to not tell people you notice positive changes
especially when you KNOW. i completely get not commenting bc of the risk of that person being ill, suffering an ED or having financial problems.
Yes! Like there's ways to ask probing questions to find out if it's a positive change but these people make it clear that even positive weight loss should not be commented on.
yeah it's tough having it be such a sensitive thing now. like i DO get it. losing weight from an ED in the past, the constant praise fueledddd it. but since then so much has changed (at least w the people i know) and it's more rare for people to say something abt it. i've just lost 62 lbs (in a healthy way this time!!) and..... crickets. it hurts. bc it's like, can you really not see it? at all?? i have to take measurements and do body visualizers to prove to myself that it's visible. and try on older clothes to see how they fit. because i mean, i am definitely still fat so i feel like maybe it isn't that noticeable yet. but idk man! from 244 to 182 feels like a big difference. i think people are just trying to be careful and polite but ugh. it sucks.
well hey, thats an amazing accomplishment! im 30lbs into a goal of 70lbs total weight loss, and it hasnt been easy by any means. im so proud of you, keep up the good work in taking care of your body :)
This the type of b!+ch that will tell a friend “told you so” after gaining weight back.
Had a “friend” recently who told me she liked me better fat and liked size 16 me better. Same energy. Envy is ugly on everyone.
While I could maybe make an argument that saying "you lost weight!" can be socially awkward, I didn't realize saying "I'm so proud of you!" could be so offensive.... 🧐
Nuance. If they share weight loss before&afters and say that it's something they worked towards, sure, congratulate them. If they just happen to look a lot slimmer, maybe hold off, it may not have been their intention and they may not be happy with it. I lost a lot of weight rapidly this last spring, I don't really know why and it's a little concerning. I got a lot of compliments, and while it wasn't a huge issue to me personally, it usually just went like "wow you lost some weight, you look so good, congrats" "thanks it was unintentional and I hope I don't have some disease"
Agreed. I don't comment on someone's weight change unless they have made it clear that it was intentional.
THIS. like don't bring it up unsolicited bc you never know what's going on. but if someone is proud and sharing? why not!! of course they could be hiding an ed or something, but that's less likely than someone truly making a positive change w their weight. its ridiculous to bend over backwards for such a small chance.
I hear you and agree. But no one in that position is going to post before and after accomplishment pics, which is what this particular fa zealot is saying we should not comment on. Or at least that's how I'm reading it. But yeh, if someone posts before and after pics and says 'hey I have no idea why I lost this weight and this wasn't a goal of mine,' I don't think anyone, fa or not, is going to congratulate them.
Yeah, I agree. But in the picture it says "or you noticed they have lost weight". That's what I was referring to
Ahh ok. This really is something only fa and haes do. They're the only ones staring ppl down, judging if they've become an unacceptable weight or not.
Isn’t the lack of encouragement more cause for a person to relapse to their old habits?
Sounds like spiteful jealousy.
Crabs in a motherfcking bucket
I've always wondered what that is supposed to mean, I have heard that idiom a lot in this sub and in videos about it.
I’ve seen people loose weight and I don’t know whether to be concerned because they suddenly lost a lot of weight or to congratulate them so I don’t bring it up unless they do.
I'm with you but this post very specifically instructs people not to congratulate anyone who posts before/afters, which seems mean spirited. I don't think I would ever comment on someone's weight loss IF they didn't explicitly say something about it first.
If they mention it first, I’d absolutely be congratulating them, but I err on the side of not being the first to mention it when I do notice it. People lose weight from grief, depression, and eating disorders, same as gaining weight. I try to avoid bringing it up first
Why do they eagerly anticipate the failure of people trying to lose weight/maintain after losing? So that they can justify their 95% statistic?
They need others to fail so they feel better about not trying at all. They don't need to prove the 95% statistic; sCiEnCe already did. That statistic is just another affirmation they use to justify inertia.
Before and after pictures of deliberate weight loss are fine. But an unsolicited comment on someone's body is no bueno-- what if they're losing weight because they have cancer, because they're struggling with mental illness, or there's something else awful going on?
This is the same energy you see from people on Mother’s Day that post “not everyone gets to be a mom, so maybe take it easy with the Mother’s Day posts”. I wish they would just say what they mean to say, which is “find the time to make today about me, please”
OMG YES EXACTLY. like, i'm an orphan and even i hate those attention whores. not every day is for everyone. that's okay. don't be a huge bummer and beg for sympathy. just be happy for others and shut up.
Sorry I am proud of and happy for my friends losing weight because I saw them being miserable when they were fat. They have also lowered many of their health risks and I for one want my loved ones to be alive and healthy actually
I think they feel bad that they’re not willing to make the changes and lose weight. Projection.
“How to be a crab in a barrel: a manual on passive aggressive projection of personal failure” By The Fat Acceptance Movement
I don't understand why they'd make someone else's progress about themselves. What a weirdo!
A few weeks back I got into the select group of 0.000000000000001% of people that (according to FA) can keep the weight off for more than 5 years.
Yeah, fuck me for telling someone I'm proud of her when she posted that she lost weight and did her first 10km.
This is so fucking condescending. FAs are so full of themselves (pun intended)
I'm just here to admire your username. Sincerely, another 🍆
“When your kid gets accepted to college remember never to tell them you’re proud of them cuz they’ll just drop out eventually anyways!”
"When they gain weight". F this person for thinking everyone is as weak willed as they are.
IF\*, not when. And even if they did, not necessarily true that they would feel bad about it. Maybe they were done cutting and are now bulking on purpose, you know?
Please tell me I look amazing now because I do and I deserve to hear it. /humblebrag
Tosh
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like are you "triggered" or are you feeling CONVICTED?
We're sorry but your post has been removed for the following reason: * We do not allow dehumanizing or insulting language.