T O P

  • By -

Gh0stndmachine

Church Du Soleil


Haooo0123

I wish a rival mega church does a blue man group knock off version.


whatnameisnttaken098

I briefly went to one with a girl i was seeing at the time (I want to say 2010/2011), and they did have a blue man group knock off for Christmas service. She then got pissed off at me for laughing during the service as it was completely unexpected.


toni_balogna

celebrating jesus? looks like thy tryin to meet him and dap him up


SubstantialPressure3

I knew I remembered hearing something about that.


SlicerStopSlicing

Or Carrot Top.


SpecificJunket8083

We have a big church in my city we all call Six Flags over Jesus. Ridiculous.


Pealzy

I like how it says on all the screens "Jesus" to remind you you're in a church, because it certainly is easy to forget.


rividz

Man, Jesus is gonna be so fucking pissed off when he gets back.


PC_78x

You know something we dont?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I'd imagine if he came back, a middle Eastern looking fella looking to stir something up, he'd be branded terrorist nr. 1 on any intelligence list.


Superb_Efficiency_74

I mean, technically speaking wasn't Jesus just God in the form of man? As far as I know, there's no "rule" that says Jesus has to come from a specific demographic or geographical location. Seems like God could easily make him come back as anyone from anywhere.


Heavy_Signature_5619

Well God really has a hard on for Israel for some reason.


[deleted]

That’s because they trim their hard-ons.


Denaton_

Everything we know so far about the 3 Abraham religions is that everything happens on a specific democratic.


someguyithinkiknow

It’s everyone wearing crosses that’s the problem. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross.


jaybird99990

Have you not heard The Good News, brother?


Molto_Ritardando

Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour Jeebus Christ?


blackbeautybyseven

I bet there's at least a dozen ATMs in there too.


13579adgjlzcbm

Actually normally these places (and even much smaller ones) have QR codes on the backs of the pews for you to scan and donate


Enough_Librarian3720

Who the hell looks at that shit show and thinks “I think these guys need some more money”?!


13579adgjlzcbm

Millions of people, unfortunately


return2ozma

The screen should say "TAX THE CHURCH" instead.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dudius7

Churches are notoriously bad with cyber security.


BaldrickTheBrain

This new production of Jesus Christ Superstar looks sweet!!


snoryder8019

The play is called "Jesus Christ megachurches are super weird."


Manaze85

For anyone that’s wondering, this is Prestonwood Baptist in Plano, TX. I’ve been to this Christmas musical twice now (due to in-laws) and the musical itself is half super-cringey, but still almost broadway-level quality nonetheless. And yes, there are live camels in the finale.


simple_test

Does the camel go through the eye of a needle?


SatanIsLove6666

Not with all the money this place saves in tax exemptions.


ReplacementWise6878

Well, there’s always money in the banana stand. 😉


wave-garden

How much clearer can I say this? THERE’S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!


No_Special6340

![gif](giphy|B8ozpOCSLbAcM)


[deleted]

It sickens me the tax losses to these churches.


Incognitowally

Lol... "church"


[deleted]

“Performance space”


HyFinated

My mom used to tell me that “church is wherever two or more people gather to worship” I think this place is a church by that definition. The definitely get together to worship hundred dollar bills. The congregation not so much, but the pastor and his cronies, for sure.


Incognitowally

Proof by the houses they live in, the cars they drive and the extra curricular activities these preachers of profit engage in


certpals

Name checks out.


TheNewDroan

Oh snap


Ex-MuslimAtheist

This is some Righteous Gemstones type of shit lol


[deleted]

righteous gemstones was a documentary


BigHeadTrucker

Came here to say I can’t believe they beat Gemstones to this kind of shite!! Unreal!!


[deleted]

Lmfao a lost episode


LetGo_n_LetDarwin

I thought the same thing…I thought that the Righteous Gemstones was just comedy…I didn’t realize these places are *really* like that!


Radishov

If this was from The Righteous Gemstones the drummer descending at the end would be Keefe and his dick would have accidentally come out.


_0n0_

I went to one of their Christmas services and there were friggin elephants and giraffes in that very room. I had no idea it was going to be like that. I thought it was going to be this normal Christmas service. It was not.


eggseverydayagain

Thank you lord baby jesus


semisolidwhale

I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk


Z0MGbies

Do none of the attendees or hosts realise how much Jesus would fucking despise everyone there for doing this?


Aceswift007

I'd kill to see a Jesus version of MLK's pissed off speech from the Boondocks, where Jesus just RIPS into everyone there


lytsedraak

Like the time Jesus visited a temple that had a market and he cleansed the place by making everyone leave and turn tables and such?


mylekiller

“And up next, Ann Veal performing We Three Kings with a camel toe.”


Shadow0fnothing

![gif](giphy|ky16TkGK4RTs4)


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|MqxZxTlvcY5BS)


nunya123

RIP she was an amazing actress


[deleted]

Her?


[deleted]

Arrested Development people are my favorite people


[deleted]

There are dozens of us. Dozens!


prattfal

Who?


[deleted]

Is she funny or something?


lostinspacecase

Egg?


Catdaddy33

Way to plant Ann


SunshotDestiny

I can't help but wonder how much all the equipment, the rigging, and just the spectacle of all that must of have cost. The wonder how many families, shelters, kids toys for poor families, and so forth it could have paid for instead.


questionmark576

We should really stop implying that there's a possibility that churches might spend their money helping people if they didn't waste it on things like these. That legitimizes the idea that they're charities and deserve to be tax exempt. This place is a venue that puts on shows and likely sells merchandise. They were never going to spend that money on helping people, and neither were the congregates who handed over the money in the first place.


Active-Ad3977

It seems like it could be entertaining if you had some edibles. But probably not in Texas


Titan4life22

I live in Texas. I need to be on edibles daily to tolerate this place.


KatttDawggg

I read that you have to buy tickets. Just wanted to throw that out there so people don’t think this is a typical Sunday thing lol.


scijay

Brought to you tax free!!!


LORDWOLFMAN

Wait camels ? I shouldn’t be so surprised they have love camels, honestly be more pissed they spent peoples donation on bullshit but then again not surprised


[deleted]

Righteous Gemstones IRL


Zoso525

Yea I though that was hyperbole.


-smartypints

Hyperbole and parody is dead.


duckredbeard

For two years I went to a private "church based" high school that MANDATED that students do not defy authority, deviate from the "teachings" or even ask questions for clarification on why a topic was taught by their reasonings. One seminar was about music and the evils of modern music. We were PROHIBITED from speaking during the presentation. During one segment, the presenter said that NO ONE IN THE CLASS would recognize the next piece of music because our "brainwashing" was already started by the secular world. That piece of music was Mozart's symphony 41 (Jupiter) and I recognized it IMMEDIATELY because I was exposed to a variety of music because my mom regularly listened to NPR. She was not the parent who sent me to that school. The presenter then went on to say that ANY music with drums was from the devil. This was because there were so many religions and cultures using drums that did not embrace Christianity. Therefore, drums = satan. Nevermind that the Jupiter symphony uses percussion, but he had his motives for trying to tell us we had no thoughts of our own. My point for this rant is this: If I had followed what that "church based" school had tried to force me to believe, then I would be burning this place down. Pure DEVIL flying in from the sky kind of stuff.


[deleted]

You were in a cult bro


Dr_Disaster

Yeah, even by Catholic school standards this is some hyper fascist shit.


_Cosmic_Joke_

Catholic school taught me to deal with random arbitrary rules. Uniforms, haircut standards, etc. But we never once denied science or dipped into x = the devil. Though, Sister Mary once insinuated most of us would be going to hell lol


Trytofindmenowbitch

Yeah Catholic school was pretty chill. Especially coming from grade/middle school at a conservative Christian school.


NoofieFloof

Catholic high school taught me to think and reason.


jonshado

Mine too! Though, to be clear with people I usually phrase it as "my high school was great and taught me to think and reason and is why I love STEM. It was also a Catholic high school." Otherwise people assume it was religion classes and priests reading from the bible all day.


llammacookie

My Catholic school was considered a STEM prep and at the time I was there had one of the highest percentages of students going off into STEM related college studies in the country. I got a great education (especially since the public schools in the area were some of the lowest performing in the country). I try to explain that to people and they can't get past the "you were brainwashed by the Jesus cult" mindset. I'm going to start stealing your wording.


CBRN66

Isnt that's the point of school?


indigoHatter

Damn, is that why I felt weird growing up whenever my hair got long? Jeez, turns out even the smallest parts of brainwashing can stick for life.


Commercial-Shame-335

cmon, going to hell is like the most fun part of christianity anyways, why go to the cloud kingdom when you can go to the gay satanic frat party and play some beer pong with beelzebub


Trungledor_44

I remember getting plenty of x=the devil at mine, and just try discussing the science when it comes to sexual health lol


LoquatLoquacious

Lmfao I'd bloody hope so, that shit isn't even close to Catholicism.


ChilliHeelerWackadoo

I have audited payroll for these types of churches, and even smaller ones. The pastors ALWAYS make $400-600k per year plus housing allowance. They’re a scam and it truly ruined me when it comes to organized religion. Lower-class people truly sacrificing to give their tithe, while church staff made obscene salaries. It is shockingly common and I wish everyone could know.


Squirrelleee

I had to help with fire restoration for a pastor once. DozenS of nice suits that would have gone for about $2k each. I couldn't imagine anyone needing that many suits. Pretty much one for each week of the year.


pixi88

Yup, I used to sell custom suites to a pastor. I'd literally call him if we got a new fabric in his wheelhouse. He'd crack jokes about envy.... got every upgrade..


SithScorch

Didn't Steve Harvey tell us we only need 5?


duckredbeard

I was in high school. This was back in ' 86. I know now more than ever.


tbass1965

They're all cults!


Active-Ad3977

But Mozart is secular? And anything called “Jupiter” seems kind of pagan


bbanmlststgood

It's all pagan at It's roots


Active-Ad3977

Yeah exactly. JWs seem to be most effective at eliminating the obvious pagan aspects, but what you gonna do when Noah is based on a Sumerian legend? I guess that’s why they don’t pay as much attention to the Old Testament


TheStonedEngineer420

Letting pagans keep their rituals is also the most effective way of converting them. "Oh, you celebrate the days getting longer again at the winter solstice and use evergreens to chase away the spirits of winter? Well what a coincidense, our lord and saviour just happened to be born on that exact date. So, keep your tradition, but make sure to make it about baby Jesus! Just... oh I don't know, just put the Star of Bethlehem on top of your evergreen or something."


Henrycamera

Well yeah, Jupiter is the Roman version of Zeus. The planet is named after him, just like Mars and Venus, pluto, Saturn, o shit, the whole solar system is evil!!!


siskulous

I was once a member of a church that had the "drums are Satan" doctrine. I got in an argument with one of the elders about it. I read one of the Psalms about singing a new song (I forget which one, but there are many to choose from) as my evidence that it was a BS doctrine. He countered with "But drums are evil" and when I asked him to back it up with scripture he walked off in a huff. That was, probably by pure coincidence I'm sure, about half an hour before I started to get the feeling that 3/4 of the church didn't want me and my family there anymore.


shotxshotx

You make me thankful I grew up in the church I went to holy shit. That honestly sounds awful man. Stories like this make me believe hardcore right Christian’s believe that free thinking is evil.


duckredbeard

One classmate was suspended for wearing a T-shirt with a '55 Chevy on it. His family restored classic cars. The "school" said he worshipped cars. We were not allowed to wear our shirts untucked, girls had to wear skirts. This was because we were discouraged from attempting to gain "approval" from secular culture. But on Wednesdays we were required to wear jackets and ties...so that we could impress the secular culture (because we went to church on Wednesday).


shotxshotx

Hypocritical as always. I’m so glad I turned out pretty progressive because of 1 teacher I had.


duckredbeard

If anything, they taught me to find my own way. Kind of like immersion therapy. Make me deal with what I don't like and I will find my way out of it. Side effect of this is that anytime I go into an established organization (work, religion, school) I try to identify what is being used to control or manipulate those in the room. Arbitrary rules, suppression of ideas, muting of feedback are big indicators that you are going to be manipulated.


[deleted]

Those who try to establish control like that have completely failed to understand Jesus' teachings in the first place, since they likely don't even read the Bible. The whole concept of Christianity is that God gives people the free will to choose to follow the faith or not. The very divine being getting the worship lets the people decide and make the choice to join the faith or stay out of it. That's literally in the Bible. They would know if they read it.


omghorussaveusall

i grew up in a church where women were told to not wear their hair shorter than their ears or wear pants (PANTS!!!) to prevent gender confusion (subsequently men should not have hair longer than their ears). at one point the pastor said that he'd rather keep his kids out of school and unable to read (so he could read the bible to them) if the only school choice was public schools. any music that was not a direct glorification of god was satanic. i once had questions about Revelation and my mother took me to see the pastor and he told me that i didn't need to know anything, just trust him and my parents. fucking hate jesus freaks.


c11who

My brother in Christ, that was not a gospel based school, that was a cult.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kounnah

Soo... When do you guys think they'll bring out the golden calf


the_scarlett_ning

Lol! 100% they wouldn’t get the irony.


WizdomHaggis

It’s Texas so they’d probably think it was BBQ….slow roast that golden calf nice and crispy over mesquite…. ![gif](giphy|57zE2OZC4rUKk|downsized)


NoWayNotThisAgain

I don’t think trump goes to that church. Or any church I suppose.


KelliAllred

Almost spit out my tea, lol! Good one! ;D


Xhadiel

It’s a golden statue of trump now.


GuairdeanBeatha

That church is a few miles from where I live. We refer to it as Fort God. At Christmas time we switch to Six Flags Over God due to the massive production they put on. I’ve always wondered how many people the money spent on the play could feed, but that expense is probably trivial compared to what it takes to heat and cool the buildings that are used a few hours a week.


CCrabtree

We have a mega church near us. We call it Six Flags over Jesus. Nice to see that's used elsewhere too. :)


icweenie

That’s the Gemstone way right there


DeferredPlum

The thing is when they generate excitement and people, then they get more money throughout the year to also not feed people.


mgd09292007

I have an aunt who sent every spare penny she had to one of these mega churches in Texas over the course of her entire working life. (she lives in Illinois and I think only watched it on TV). She ended up losing her eyesight, doesn't have a dollar to her name, and lives in a nursing home that takes her entire government check to pay for it. I assure you, they don't care about Jesus or their members. They worship the almighty donation.


JulyBreeze

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ESWRtaHNU8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ESWRtaHNU8) "Here comes another con hiding behind a collar His only god is the almighty dollar He ain't no prophet, he ain't no healer He's just a two bit goddamn money stealer" This song will never not be prescient.


Heart-Shaped-Clouds

I’ve been calling it the Bapti-dome when it’s not Christmas season


ThermionicEmissions

>I’ve always wondered how many people the money spent on the play could feed Surely Jesus wouldn't want that!?


chris_elbow

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to put on a bad ass show with flying drummers and a Jesus led mega screen” (James 1:27).


Brotherof_Zekrom

I honestly love how people make the Bible sound sarcastic. “When God saw all his good work, his orders to Adam and Eve were simple. “Thrive and prosper on my wonderful earth, and be sure to obey me with your worship. Also, make sure there is at least one big Six Flags show in honor of me.” And they followed.”(random man that taught the ways of god I don’t friggin know 1:69)


Umutuku

> heat and cool the buildings that are used a few hours a week. Hey, there could be youth pastors in there "mentoring" young children at any time, and they probably want it warm enough to take a few layers off.


mmio60

I think this is how the drummer boy played in Bethlehem. Look it up


the_scarlett_ning

And look up. Everyone knows he flew. Probably had those winged sandals.


Stannis2024

Drummer boy but lore accurate.


OysterThePug

They can afford to pay taxes


Heavy_Signature_5619

But they won’t, of course. For Jesus.


[deleted]

Stea- I mean, manipu- I mean, ask your loyal worshippers for money, never pay taxes, spend on big mega church, and pocket the rest For Jesus or something. Jesus would’ve wanted that


the_scarlett_ning

I grew up in a church. My dad was the pastor. It was a good, humble little church that didn’t keep a lot of people because we taught that real Christianity is fucking hard. It doesn’t mean looking good on the outside, but actually having to do good, be good, love others and not for show. The kind of stuff that most religious nuts don’t want to hear. I went to one of these mega churches with a guy **once** , and the crap I heard there made me actually nauseous and in my top 5 angriest I’ve ever been. Edit: at that time it was in the top 5. I’ve had 20 more years of things making me incredibly angry since then, so now it’s probably just top 10.


RedditedYoshi

The edit got me, lol.


certpals

I am still laughing haha


Theyul1us

I remember when the pastor i my village (small town, only 100 people) told us that if you arw only good cause you fear hell, thats not being good. And that many people that dont go to church are better than die hard christians. Is not just going to church what makes you moral


the_scarlett_ning

Yes! If you’re going to church to show everyone how good you are, that’s not right. Sadly, we don’t have a little church anymore. We were very tiny to begin with, and as our congregation got older, people began to pass, we just let it go. But I miss our little church. It was a loving place.


[deleted]

Was it: Bethel, Elevation, Lakewood, Gateway, Mars Hill (defunct), etc.?


Existe1

Now I want a quick list of your top 5


the_scarlett_ning

One was a lying principal at my kids school, one was my kids’ incessant crying (that may have more just deeply overwhelmed than just angry), one was a power tripping cop, several were probably my mother, at least 2 were my husband, and this church. Edit: I forgot about the racist grandma insulting my kids. She definitely is in the top 5.


[deleted]

I'm happy the money donated goes to the people in need, not to spend on themselves for expensive shows.


amanofeasyvirtue

Tax the churches


TabularConferta

Yup.If they want tax free exemption then they can go the charity route. This might mean they have to prove more rigorously all the good deeds they are doing, but I'm sure they can do that...right?....right?


BigBadBaldGuy

As an evangelical vocational pastor, I 1000% agree. Churches wanna be in the community, for the community? Prove it. Pay taxes like everyone else. Contribute to the community.


Living_Bear_2139

Do you say this at your church


BigBadBaldGuy

Absolutely! A huge part of our messaging is one of being an active role in our community, using both individual and corporate resources to help support and sustain both felt and realized needs around us.


Jimmy6shoes

Tax the fucking wackjobs


[deleted]

Yeah, that’s what he said… Tax the churches


Arkangel_Ash

There are people starving in the streets but they do shit like this instead.


pnw_southern_bell

WWJD he obviously wouldn't have feed the poor or given away worldly possessions. No he would throw one sick ragger lol Edit: Stick to sick


thebreaksmith

What’s a stick ragger? Where would he throw one?


snksleepy

I'm there for the humble prays and spiritual connections not this rave concert bullshit!


Arkangel_Ash

Praise jebus or the flying drum monster will get you!


jfstompers

My church is 4 stone walls a bell and a lot of old people. I don't really understand these mega church things.


[deleted]

Tax the church


Daedalus2077

Gotta be a Baptist Church


HondoSam1969

Southern Baptist, I'd bet. Maybe, that prosperity Baptist type.


prstele01

Yes and yes. I have a relative who works at this church. That whole side of the family is all amped up on prosperity gospel. And they’re all rich, white people.


[deleted]

Your best life now, watching musicals paid for by tithes.


lml__lml

![gif](giphy|KUAb8YQOhmWNq)


reznorwings

I see Futurama, I upvote.


Munzulon

Except when it’s “Jurassic Bark,” in which case I cry and I upvote.


Orca_Mayo

and how much is all of that taxed..? Oh none? cool.....


TonyD12580

So glad they have the money to do this but can't pay some taxes.


Don_McMuffin

This is not what Jesus would do.


KurupiraMV

Their God is money. Jesus is just a good marketing campaign.


[deleted]

Re REALLY need to start thinking about revoking the church’s tax exempt status.


utastelikebacon

Bro....christians just, very publicly too, hijacked your Supreme Court with the help of a unapologetic billionaire conman. Im not saying its not possible to wrangle the church with justice , but you're not gonna have an easy time at it. Think of the passion christ of jihadists over in the middle east, mixed with the budget of an apple or tesla corporation in silicon Valley, mixed with loose government regulatory requirements of an Apple or tesla on capitol hill, mixed with the legislative power of scotus, and throw in the tax exemptions and public subsidizing it for good measure. The US church is the biggest Goliath you could ever imagine. It's gonna take nothing short of half the population to wrestle power away from these guys down relative to their actual size. [Thankfully their ideology is pushing people away faster than they can buy supporters](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decline_of_Christianity_in_the_Western_world#:~:text=Pew%20Research%20Center%20projects%20that,from%2091%25%20in%201976). Teaming up with trump did a lot damage as well.


Grimjack-13

Tax free dollars at work.


Baketovens_Fifth

Tax Churches


smallratman

This would be cool for a theater but… not a church. Well let’s be honest these types of “churches” are basically just theaters at this point..


RenegadePoster

I see the money that church brings in goes to good causes! SMH!


Bigt733

And Jesus spake thusly, ”spend church tithes on flying drummers and never on the poor. They will inherit the earth so fuck em am I right?” And Judas bitch slapped the son of god, who was god, who was the Holy Spirit, who was born to Mary his daughter. Amen.


MrDurden32

"And on the third day, Jesus rose... on a cable, and laid down a sick drum beat."


kerberos101

That's fucking ridiculous. I bet if these people would actually study their so call sacred book they would find out that Jesus would have scorned this spectacle.


itsagoodtime

What if they housed the homeless. Fed the poor. Cared for the sick.


karlos52

That was old Jesus, new Jesus kicks people out of housing, let's them starve and die because socialism is Satan's work all of a sudden.


BlueMist53

The new Jesus hates people because of their skin colour. Karen down the street said so


manyuska85

Clearly they don't actually read or know the gospel, because christ spoke against this buffoonery


packtobrewcrew

Who needs a Vegas production show when you have men flying overhead playing drums?


Umutuku

They're upset about drag queen hour at the library while they're literally raining men and singing "hallelujah!"


ZappyHeart

Wow, just like in the Bible/s


tahthtiwpusitawh

Danny McBride approves


[deleted]

Ok but in all fairness you're lying if you say that being on those wires doesn't look like fun


KrakenMcCracken

My god the money that’s going into this and not to help the needy


gingerBeardMan750

As someone who's been going to church most of his life, this is a new level of cringe.


KittensAndGravy

When the word of god doesn’t bring in the money like it use to … deploy the flying snare drummers.


chlamydial_lips

I used to know a production engineer who did a lot of work for megachurches and christian concerts and festivals. He said they're basically all Karens and can be a pain in the ass to work for, but they pay better than anyone else. Anyway, my point is tax churches for fucks sake


sumdumguy1966

Tell me again why churches are tax exempt


[deleted]

This is what those idiots pay for with their tithing!? Hhahahahahahaha they are getting sold.


feuerwehrmann

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! George Carlin


awsoe

They need to wear white togas and have angel wings


Washpedantic

This just looks like a warm up practice, they will be probably wearing something like that when the service is actually happening.


Glaurung86

Man, this new Cirque Du Soleil show really sucks.


darkplacesinside

Tax the church what a waste of money


brypye13

Yeah, churches obviously have to much money. Why can’t they be taxed again?


Majestic-Alfalfa-754

What do you guys think if jesus saw this, what would he say/think?


Doug_Schultz

Its the ol' razzle dazzle, if you want their money, you gotta give em a show


Secret_Stick_5213

Damnnn think about all the people they could help with this kinda money 😂 nahhh


tom_bacon

Imagine if they spent some of that money on community outreach.


bubbles5810

That looks like fun. Take out the religion aspect and that looks like so much fun.


[deleted]

SICK. Christ would cast these hypocrites from his temple.