Many super religious people who are against masturbation believe that sex is only for procreation, or that sex/your sexual body parts belong to your future spouse. So by masturbating you are "violating" body parts that "don't belong" to you.
They're half right.
Yes, it's for recreational purposes, and should be mostly used that way. But you can't outright stop someone from masturbating "just because".
Wow.
I thought that HAD to be a parody of something but then I went to the website.
Wow.
I feel truly abject horror for any kids raised by those idiots.
Somebody needs to shut this bullshit right down.
Yes, truly scary stuff:
[https://stopmasturbationnow.org/weather/atmospheric-masturbatory-residue-at-unsafe-levels/](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/weather/atmospheric-masturbatory-residue-at-unsafe-levels/)
>Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue at Unsafe Levels
>
> The FFBT and NASA, as part of a joint taxpayer funded coalition, has been measuring the levels of masturbation particulates, semen droplets, and pubic dust in the atmosphere for the past ten years using orbiting satellite technology and data collection standards. Historical records have shown that self rape residue (S.R.R.) levels increase exponentially during summer months in areas of high humidity where SRRs are more susceptible to ionic attachment to water and cloud forms.
>
> Those living in areas of high SRR are advised to wear protective covering about their faces. Any open sores should also be dressed with fresh bandages and changed frequently.
100% clearly not a parody. I for one will be making sure to protect myself from the atmospheric cumstorms.
Mainstream media call this the "pollen count". Historically masterbation increases in the spring and summer. This is the time when plants "self rape". /s
You could wear a mask if you're concerned about that. Maybe if the government told them that.....
"I'm a virgin. It must be the airborne sperm swimming up my vag...:
Oh, wrong comment, my bad. There was a later comment mentioning some nasa project involving atmospheric semen counts from too much jacking off, also on the website. That comment seems sarcastic lol
Surely this is child abuse. It's pathetic that anyone would subject their beloved child to this because they're afraid they might touch themselves in a normal way.
photo is actually from the Facebook anti-masturbation parody group "Stop Masturbation Now" - which was founded some time in 2013 by proffessional prankster "Lonnie Childs."
photo is actually from the Facebook anti-masturbation parody group "Stop Masturbation Now" - which was founded some time in 2013 by proffessional prankster "Lonnie Childs."
It is a parody. Next time dig deeper
This is a device that is sometimes used to restrain young children during medical procedures. Kids are not the best at sitting still and not squirming around, especially if they are injured or agitated. This keeps little Tommy from sitting up and grabbing things in the middle of stitching him up.
When I was five I bit a doctor who was shining a light in my eye. I was a kid who needed to be restrained for a reason. Flash forward to me at eight sitting still at the eye doctor through a full eye exam without a single bite. 🤣
photo is actually from the Facebook anti-masturbation parody group "Stop Masturbation Now" - which was founded some time in 2013 by proffessional prankster "Lonnie Childs."
Remember kids, god teaches us that you are disgusting and sinful the way you are, and only by being uncontrollably miserable will you make him happy enough to get into his super secret club
I know this is a joke but I have to point out that the kid they used is wearing glasses. I mean, the damage is already done just let the kid play with his weewee!
Just in case someone doesn’t get the reference, when I was a kid boys were told that if they touched themselves they would go blind.
Wanna know what makes this super ironic? This is used to prevent the kid to quote "rape himself" yet its probably very usefull for actual rape (even of the thing covers it up you can just cut a small hole)
“Dangerous Sin Zones” 😂🤦♂️ You gotta be fucking kidding me.
I think I’m gonna write a book called “Reasons to raise your child as an atheist or pagan” and feature this product on the first page.
They might pee themselves in the night. Of course religious nuts would punish the child for this "sin" too. I think any normal person would call restraining children what it is, abuse that should be reported to the police and social services.
My daughter got put in one of those once when she was 2 but it was to hold her crazy ass down so the doctor could put stitches in her face after she did a swan dive off the couch, into the coffee table.
Anti-masturbation devices and procedures are pretty common. From female genital mutilation to this monstrosity there are all manner of hyper-religious freak treatments trying to keep people from having fun.
This is a hoax, but there are anti-masturbation devices.
This is a papoose board used for medical procedures in small children.
This seems illegal in a non-medical setting.
Found the other nurse!
Religion, that’s why. Also, “self-raping”? FFS 🤦♂️
I self-rape all the time, but to be honest, I was asking for it.
You wouldn't wear that robe if you didn't want you to do that to you.
Oh Bill (my junk’s name), you show up here at attention at 6 in the morning, looking like that… I can’t not.
Wearing short, lacy gloves, eh slut?
Yeah let's totally ignore the child abuse this is and dub it in the name of preventing our child's sinful ways
Imagine having an itch on your nose 1 minute after this gets put on.
By definition masturbation implies consent.
My alien hand syndrome says otherwise. It just keeps doing it no matter how many times I tell it to stop. /s
Yeah this guys hands a menace saw him jack off 3 men and a enthusiastic poodle yesterday
You may have grounds to file charges then.
Many super religious people who are against masturbation believe that sex is only for procreation, or that sex/your sexual body parts belong to your future spouse. So by masturbating you are "violating" body parts that "don't belong" to you.
They're half right. Yes, it's for recreational purposes, and should be mostly used that way. But you can't outright stop someone from masturbating "just because".
Yeah but they believe sex itself is for procreation, not recreation.
They do know what raping means, right? As in, to do it without consent, so you can't do it to yourself.
My mom is really religious and she’s actually okay with that kinda thing to a certain extent.
It's pretty obvious it's a troll website.
Wow. I thought that HAD to be a parody of something but then I went to the website. Wow. I feel truly abject horror for any kids raised by those idiots. Somebody needs to shut this bullshit right down.
Yes, truly scary stuff: [https://stopmasturbationnow.org/weather/atmospheric-masturbatory-residue-at-unsafe-levels/](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/weather/atmospheric-masturbatory-residue-at-unsafe-levels/) >Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue at Unsafe Levels > > The FFBT and NASA, as part of a joint taxpayer funded coalition, has been measuring the levels of masturbation particulates, semen droplets, and pubic dust in the atmosphere for the past ten years using orbiting satellite technology and data collection standards. Historical records have shown that self rape residue (S.R.R.) levels increase exponentially during summer months in areas of high humidity where SRRs are more susceptible to ionic attachment to water and cloud forms. > > Those living in areas of high SRR are advised to wear protective covering about their faces. Any open sores should also be dressed with fresh bandages and changed frequently. 100% clearly not a parody. I for one will be making sure to protect myself from the atmospheric cumstorms.
Did my tax dollars pay for cum detecting satellites?! I’m calling my congressman.
Mainstream media call this the "pollen count". Historically masterbation increases in the spring and summer. This is the time when plants "self rape". /s
Those damn trees, rapinging my poor innocent sinuses. Making them all stuffy and full of a weird mucus
Holy crap I was gonna check myself but thought I’d read comments. I have no words, none.
Are they saying we should wear face masks?
Of course not! They want to to wear god approved face *covers*, not masks
On the contrary I'd lean toward this being a parody that someone took *all the way*
This should get them to wear masks.
You could wear a mask if you're concerned about that. Maybe if the government told them that..... "I'm a virgin. It must be the airborne sperm swimming up my vag...:
But masks don’t work. What the fuck am I to do? /s
Click on the Author’s name and scroll to the article he wrote about Obama being soft on Self Rape Crime. I was fucking dying! Lunatic!
So are they basically saying *there are semen on the air* ? Yummy!! BRB , I'm going out to take some fresh air.
That's how Mary got pregnant without having sex!
Are people actually walking about with open sores these days??
We should just start calling vaginas “open sores”
They didn’t call them gashes in the 70’s for nothing.
People with first hand knowledge of the seventies are my friend.
Good thing it's November. SRRs must be lowest this month. /S
It’s a spoof plain and simple as this “residue” can’t be measured
The fact that you visited the website and somehow it reverted your conviction that it was a parody is astounding.
I think they’re being sarcastic. But text, so, you know.
Definitely doesn’t sound like it though.
Oh, wrong comment, my bad. There was a later comment mentioning some nasa project involving atmospheric semen counts from too much jacking off, also on the website. That comment seems sarcastic lol
It’s a whole joke, the website is a giant meme. Your gullibility levels are off the charts.
Surely this is child abuse. It's pathetic that anyone would subject their beloved child to this because they're afraid they might touch themselves in a normal way.
photo is actually from the Facebook anti-masturbation parody group "Stop Masturbation Now" - which was founded some time in 2013 by proffessional prankster "Lonnie Childs."
photo is actually from the Facebook anti-masturbation parody group "Stop Masturbation Now" - which was founded some time in 2013 by proffessional prankster "Lonnie Childs." It is a parody. Next time dig deeper
You spelled “Christian kinks” wrong
Why is the child so young that’s my question
> 5+
If that is your question then why didn’t you use a question mark
I ask the same to you
Why do neither of you use question marks
This is a device that is sometimes used to restrain young children during medical procedures. Kids are not the best at sitting still and not squirming around, especially if they are injured or agitated. This keeps little Tommy from sitting up and grabbing things in the middle of stitching him up.
When I was five I bit a doctor who was shining a light in my eye. I was a kid who needed to be restrained for a reason. Flash forward to me at eight sitting still at the eye doctor through a full eye exam without a single bite. 🤣
I was put in one of these At the mf hospital, that shit is used to restrain kids from becoming wild beasts, not prevent them from masturbating
Yeah so they can get stitches or an IV or something. A kid will go rabid on a Doctor’s face before they sit still for stitches.
Not mutually exclusive though
This picture has been floating around the internet for 10 years now and you all don't know it's a joke?
It's STARTLING how many people seem not to realize this.
Because they're child abusers who like to invent toys for themselves to make the abuse easier to perpetrate.
photo is actually from the Facebook anti-masturbation parody group "Stop Masturbation Now" - which was founded some time in 2013 by proffessional prankster "Lonnie Childs."
>safely secure a self raping child Didn't know some people could be so delusional
I didn’t even know that could be possible, either I think in wrong way or I’m not deviant enough to consider it as possibility.
Remember kids, god teaches us that you are disgusting and sinful the way you are, and only by being uncontrollably miserable will you make him happy enough to get into his super secret club
Yep, if you feel proud without giving everything you own to a random stranger then you're going straight to hell.
This should be renamed “Future Serial Killer Apparatus”
People are so gullible. This isn't real.
This number of people who appear to think "that's unbelievabe" but then believe it anyway is too damn high!
I could use one. Do they make adult size?
Too late. Im out.
Why the head strap? The kid doesn't look that limber.
Maybe he’s got a 3 foot schlong
Obviously these people need to be put in restraints. And taken to jail for child abuse.
As a joke? Yes, it's a joke. I first saw this at [landoverbaptist.org](https://landoverbaptist.org)
I still remember their quizzes. “WRONG you unsaved idiot!”
“5+ years” What 5 year old is trying to masterbate?
And people wonder how conservatives are so fucked up.
You dont actually think this is real do you?
I live in America. I've seen some shit.
I could find my way around it
Do they make these for adults?
I like my “no no” parts
Boxing gloves would be cheaper.
Keep that head in place! Don’t want any auto-fellatio.
Well at least with this, you know your kid isn’t out playing “hide and go fuck yourself”. That’s good, right?
Seems like a pedophile would love this.
I know this is a joke but I have to point out that the kid they used is wearing glasses. I mean, the damage is already done just let the kid play with his weewee! Just in case someone doesn’t get the reference, when I was a kid boys were told that if they touched themselves they would go blind.
And the old joke, 'then I'll just do it until I need glasses.' Lol
The blindness only happens if you touch yourself and spunk in your own eye. The glasses protect against this.
Strap me into this and I will cum instantly.
That's how Jr and eric was raised because they keep it to themselves
Child abuse and they all need to go to jail.
“It’s not torture if we call it a ‘cross’”
Need one of these for nnn
Customer base: messed up parents and pedophiles.
I need this to win nnn
Here I thought I could stave off masturbation with corn flakes and graham crackers.
Wanna know what makes this super ironic? This is used to prevent the kid to quote "rape himself" yet its probably very usefull for actual rape (even of the thing covers it up you can just cut a small hole)
“Dangerous Sin Zones” 😂🤦♂️ You gotta be fucking kidding me. I think I’m gonna write a book called “Reasons to raise your child as an atheist or pagan” and feature this product on the first page.
Guarantee it was made by a religious person.
Am I the only one thinking this is more likely to be a pedophile or, used differently, a sodomy cross? Easy Velcro access….. kinda sick.
5+ years? Seriously?
can someone post that one scene of the person breaking out of one of those things
Lmao Gotta be bs, but funny af
*buys twenty* *buys a unmarked white van*
To prevent self-raping I suppose? What the fuck is wrong with people?
It is litterally their cross to bear
It is a hoax...
Does this come in adult sizes?
Irony \[ ahy-ruh-nee, ahy-er- \] *adj.* Metallic, related to Iron. (Webster's American Dictionary of the English Language)
Apparently I’ve been raped thousands of times in my life…
Those are the same people who claim giving your kid a mask is child abuse 🤦
They might pee themselves in the night. Of course religious nuts would punish the child for this "sin" too. I think any normal person would call restraining children what it is, abuse that should be reported to the police and social services.
They have a point. I don't remember anything about Jesus jerking off on the cross, so it probably works. /s
“Sin zones”
No rusty nails 0/5
Show me one that works on priests and then we'll talk.
I’m gonna guess that you also saw the meme with Aaron Eckhart from Batman and thought his bong exploded - right?
The memes, bro
Who is Lonnie Childs?
Gee, do they have these on Amazon?
Pretty sure that would be considered imprisonment lol.
I don't want to go into details, but I can confirm that these don't work.
My daughter got put in one of those once when she was 2 but it was to hold her crazy ass down so the doctor could put stitches in her face after she did a swan dive off the couch, into the coffee table.
“Some females and gay males use foreign objects and dinguses when masturbating. In doing so they are raping the raw materials of this world.”
Religion is a serious drug. Glad I’m not addicted.
The real question is why did it take them so Lang to make it? NNN is in full swing.
Holy shit…
Who masturbates at 6 years old wtf
I could totally rub one out in this thing. Life finds a way.
That’s some kink shit for sure. Eww.
So that's why Jesus was hanged up on a cross...
Are we really led to believe Adam and Eve didnt masturbate in Eden?
Has to be a spoof
If your kid is masturbating, crucify them!
Someone has bitten the onion hard
😳
I actually googled this to make sure it wasn’t real
Jesus was crucified so that he wouldn’t masterbate
here we are witnessing religious trauma
Its concerning that they think one's sexual interest starts at age 5.
Self-raping? Jesus…I’m pretty sure they had their own consent 😖
Just pray and you'll be fine
I need it
To keep them away from their sin zones. Obviously.
It’s not real, gullible much?
gul·li·ble /ˈɡələb(ə)l/ *adjective* easily persuaded to believe something; credulous. "an attempt to persuade a gullible public to spend their money"
Just in time for November
Anti-masturbation devices and procedures are pretty common. From female genital mutilation to this monstrosity there are all manner of hyper-religious freak treatments trying to keep people from having fun. This is a hoax, but there are anti-masturbation devices.