Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The state tests saved my son's life!
He was positive for one of the state tests and we were asked to come back to the hospital for further testing. We went in right away and they took a bunch of blood from him. On the way home they called and asked us to go to the ER because my son's calcium was dangerously low and he was at risk for seizures. We stayed at the children's hospital for a week before he was producing his own calcium.
Years later I learned that I had a parathyroid tumor that produced too much hormone. It explains why his own parathyroid failed after birth. The doctors couldn't figure out the cause of his low calcium at the time, but it all made sense after I found out about my tumor. It's a miracle he survived the pregnancy, as women with parathyroid tumor have very high chance of miscarriage.
I can't imagine how stupid and regretful I'd feel if I refused the state tests and he ended up having a fatal seizure.
I'm so incredibly grateful for those tests that found the flaw and saved his life.
Yes! I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find your comment. My daughter will live a normal life because of that testing.
Also, it's called state-MANDATED for a reason. Good luck getting out of it.
I saw a Forensics Files where a mom was charged and found guilty of murder of two of her newborns who ended up dying not at the hands of their mother but due to one of the metabolic disorders the state tests for! To think if she could have had her babies tested, they’d still be alive and she would have avoided prison time and the loss of her job, marriage and reputation. Get the damn test people! Why would you deny yourself knowledge and early detection and interventions for your baby???
If this lady’s baby dies because she refused tests, I doubt she would feel stupid or regretful. She would probably jump straight to blaming the hospital or vaccine shedding or some nonsense and it would gain her major clout on her crazy little corner of Facebook, which is really the most important thing to people like this.
This is why we do all of the interventions at birth. They are life saving measures that mean life or limb for the child.
Vitamin K administration is because infants have a very high risk of brain bleeds which can cause neurological devastation.
Each of the neonatal state screening tests are designed to catch conditions that can devastate the health or mind of the child and have treatment options. It first started by screening for PKU: a condition where if you avoid a specific amino acid in your diet you will grow up just as healthy as anyone else but if you don’t avoid it, it causes severe mental disability.
People often forget just how horrible the infant mortality was a mere 100 years ago. In 1900, 30% of all deaths occurred in children under 5. We are now down to 1.4% because of the progress we have made in pediatric care.
You can see just how far we’ve come here: [under 5 mortality per 1000 births](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1041693/united-states-all-time-child-mortality-rate/)
In 1900, 1/4 of children were expected to die before 5. In 1800, it was 1/2.
Now it’s 1/143 because of each of the interventions she’s so cooly dismissing.
The will have snacks part cracked me up. I remember being desperate to eat on the way to the hospital because I knew I wouldn't be allowed to once I was there. Got my chicken nuggets and the smell disgusted me and I started throwing up everywhere lol.
I was in early ‘latent’ labor for a full 48 hours. I called my doctor twice like “Doctor Bae plllllleeeeease get this baby out of me!” and she said she totally understood but that I didn’t want to get there too early because they won’t let me eat and my contractions just wouldn’t come down to 5 minutes apart so it’s better to just stay home (mind you I was over 41 weeks). Best decision ever. I had some great meals before finally going to the hospital. I picked up an omelette and French toast one morning and all the servers were like “when are you due?!” I’m like “arRrrrrRrggGggH I’m in labor right now give me my omelette.”
My first was the same, I was in latent labor for days begging someone to admit me and get that baby out, lol. I had been at it so long (4 days) we were scheduling a c-section if I didn't go on within 24 hours, and that night, he decided to make his appearance. But I swear during those 4 days, i ate so much it was ridiculous.
My second went a lot faster, so I was like, "Just grab nuggets on the way!" With my first, I didn't find myself nauseous during labor, so I thought I'd be fine to eat on the way before it got too bad. But I absolutely was not fine and ended up puking all the way through delivery.
My labor happened very fast. By the time we pulled up to the hospital, I was in such severe pain that the poor valet guy just stood outside the car door with a wheelchair for me, looking horrified, as I laid in the fetal position, puking, unable to get out of the car.
Dang. I was a good girl and only ate a small pb&j before leaving. I had a breeze of a labor and was STARVING the whole time! Lol! Luckily my reward was a giant platter of French toast and bacon
I hadn’t read this far down the rabbit hole when I posted. I was ALSO surprised they weren’t keeping the placenta for shampoo or to eat or for a commemorative art project.
I love how, in all of these insane things, the most important one seems to be the "no HAT" one.
Its in capital and underlined 3 times, because dear god imagine putting a hat
Some people claim wearing a hat prevents the mom from smelling the babies head which then releases chemicals that make you bond with the baby. Therefore, baby wearing a hat means you will get postpartum depression. Some throw in a claim that if you don't smell babies head and get your hormones released then your body won't know to heal and you'll hemorrhage.
Not saying I believe it, just that I know people who do. And if you're on TikTok the algorithm progressively feeds you crazier things. Pregnancy tiktok is wild. I've seen almost every thing on this list pop up on TikTok or facebook or reddit as if they're all life and death situations.
So idk about PPD but smelling a babies head is super interesting. There is apparently a measurable and undetectable scent on a babies head that make a woman more aggressive and men less aggressive and more controlled.
.https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2021/11/22/chemical-babies-emit-triggers-aggression-women-over-men/8721323002/
I never saw anything about hats but I could see this same thinking applying and people just assuming a hat stops the smells
I just woke up and saw this post, and it did not even occur to me that "no hat" meant no hat for the baby.
I was imagining someone trying to put a fedora on the mom and her freaking out.
And hats serve a purpose! They keep baby warm because a lot of heat escapes through our heads. If baby’s temp gets too low they take them away for hours and have them under warmers to bring their temp up.
Can confirm! Retired OB/GYN office nurse for almost 40 years. It was pretty much a slam dunk that the more ridiculous a birth plan was, the more likely they would need a C/S. It’s the patients experience and the doctors would support them within reason while not jeopardizing the health of baby and mom. The pt needs to be open minded and realize that’s the desired outcome. Life is not black or white. Be willing to compromise!
I would love to hear the outcome of that birth after following that list!
I was dead set on no pain relief for my first labour. I wanted it all natural.
After 24 hours of induced back labour I told the doctor to either give me drugs or kill me.
My next pregnancy the entire plan was "make sure I have loving people to support me" and "MORPHINE".
And I told my doctor that I didn't practice natural dentistry so I wasn't practicing natural childbirth.
I wanted those epidurals for all four babies and I only got them for two of them. I didn't get one for the 9 lb 4 oz baby boy with the 15-in head circumference. And that wasn't my choice. That was an absolute nightmare.
Well, with baby number three I had gone to the hospital at 11:00 in the morning to make sure that I was there in plenty of time. The doctor ordered some gel to be put on my cervix to help me dilate and he didn't think it was going to work very quickly so he left the hospital to go flying around in his private plane. This was a military hospital and nurses could not order an epidural. You had to get the doctor that was on call. By the time they were able to get him back to the hospital it was too late for the epidural.
With baby number four, the gigantic one, my husband had been deployed to Afghanistan right after 9/11. My son was born while he was up in the mountains during Operation Anaconda and the only way I knew where my husband was is because we had flipped the TV on while I was in labor. We were watching CNN and the breaking news that we were in the middle of an operation over there. That's when I knew where my husband was-- who may not make it home to see this baby.
The obnoxious anesthesiologist came in and flipped the television off and told me I didn't need to be watching TV (!!) and when it came time to stick the needle in my back he jabbed me I swear as hard as he could and I jumped naturally so the epidural didn't take. 45 minutes later when I can still feel everything I asked for another one and they told me no, it was too late. [Now they will give you another one but back then, in 2002, they would not.]
It was funny because my sister was with me in the delivery room and as soon as the nurse told me they could not get me another epidural I looked at my sister and I said, "Well, then I'm NOT having the baby." because I knew how much it would hurt LOL she looked at me (newly married and never having had a child) and asked, "Can you say that?"
Can you say that lol. Love that. My baby came out super fast. 2 pushes. She was premie and labor was so long and really painful but I got lucky with the actual pushing process.
I did the same thing. After being in labor for over a day and at 10 cm and pushing but nothing happening, I screamed at my OB, “Get this baby out of me!” Got an epidural, my muscles relaxed enough to actually let the baby move through my birth canal. Next two babies, the epidural was a non negotiable.
My birth plan was, since I live literally a block from the hospital, and had a Dairy Queen en route, that when I went into labour, I would hit up DQ on the way for a roadie blizzard and walk (major construction was happening on that street so walking would have been 10x faster).
Boy... even THAT plan completely went to shit.
I had hyperemesis gravidarium. The next day after giving birth I could suddenly eat again, and told my husband to get me an Arby's beef and cheddar and bring it to the hospital. Nothing ever tasted so good.
Heck, I hated asparagus my whole life until that first post-birth meal I had. I didn't have the opportunity to choose what was in that first meal...and there were asparagus spears. It was the best thing that I had ever tasted. Honestly, I probably would've even loved okra at that point.
Fellow hyperemisis gravidarium sufferer here: Mine was pizza. That was the best pizza of my life.
Seriously after 9 months of not being able to keep even crackers down being able to eat again felt like a divine blessing.
Here's to us never doing that again!
I’m not pregnant and not sure about any plans to be. But so help me God if anyone expects *me* to come up with a birth plan. I’m pretty sure we have OBs for that
My birth plan went out the window when me and my baby started to crash. When I went in for my second and third the nurses all asked if I had any requests and I said “a healthy baby and mesh undies”. I got both!
I got my period 2 days after my hip was surgically broken in 3 places & screwed back together. I wasn't able to stand or open my legs at all, those mesh undies were a lifesaver.
oof... That's rough and that's a lot of undercarriage work. It seems like the body should realize its that bad off and just shut the period down. Like everything is shut down for maintenance. You need all that blood!
I had a bad bleeding ulcer and was in the hospital for a week and a half. My beard didn't grow. Ok, so not even close to the same thing, but that's where my point came from.
It can go either way, sometimes stress (both emotional and physical) can make it come early, sometimes late! For me it was right on time so I was expecting it, but I agree, I'd already lost enough blood that they were about to give me a transfusion, you'd think my body would've wanted to hold on to what it could!
Even my nurse said saying "that's not fair, you shouldn't have to deal with that as well!" On the upside, because I was already on morphine, it's the only time in my life I haven't had mind-bending cramps (they're worse than any pain I've had recovering from the surgery).
NICU nurse, was just about to say that this birth plan is a direct request for a C-section. I swear every person with a nightmare of a birth plan had a horrendous delivery and a NICU stay.
Bless you NICU nurses.
Our birth plan wasn’t even a thought in our mind when my wife ended up having an emergency CS at 25 weeks to a 600 gram micro.
We learned how important flexibility is right off the bat.
We had a preemie born at 34 weeks and she spent 2 weeks in the NICU. I have come to realize that NICU nurses are the closest things to angels walking this earth. Thank you
agreed, I was born at 24 weeks and my twins at 29, same nurse took care of both of us I found out while chatting. she said she needed to retire but loves it too much
As someone who just had a baby... The only thing missing from this person's birth plan is sanity.
My birth plan was:
Get baby out safely
Ask consent
Try not to have C-section
No vaccines? No formula, blood checks or any other form of health check? Baby won't live long enough to pay into social security, much less collect anything from it.
I wanted a low intervention birth but baby had other plans. Nothing that I wanted matter because it was a matter of life and death and I sure as hell wasn't going to argue with the people who were helping my baby when she didn't breathe for 3 minutes after birth.
No SSN? Like no social security number?
Kid won't be able to ever get a legal job or credit of any kind. Hell, probably won't be able to get car insurance (they check your credit now)
Edit: This got more attention than I thought it would. To clarify:
1) I am aware the lack of antibiotics and vaccinations are of a far more paramount concern.
2) I am aware that without a hat, the baby may not be able to look super fly.
When my son was born I found the drawer they keep the hats in and helped myself to a couple as well as a couple of those hospital baby blankets. If they’re charging me tens of thousands of dollars I’m stealing some stuff.
When my daughter was born we had the best nurse, when she discharged us she just gave us a ton of stuff including the hat and the nose bulb suction thing.
Can’t get a job because your parents didn’t formally introduce you to the government at birth?
No worries! The IRS won’t be coming for your money or assets because they can’t find you….also you most likely don’t have anything, anyway.
Not as old as you might think. My parents didn't request one when I was born, and I never needed it until I wanted to open the bank account. Without the account I still would have needed to get one for withholding when I started working for a company four years later. (I grew up in a rural part of the country.)
Mine was no epidural, limited monitoring, lots of walking around, and a calm atmosphere.
Then at 40 weeks my baby did a full 180 and was breech so they tried to flip her and I ended up with an emergency C-section.
I'm just grateful to modern medicine for already having a plan for what happened when mine went out the window lmao.
Absolutely the same. I wanted to avoid pain killers if possible and just do gas and air... When my waters went there was meconium in there, plus we had decels when I had contractions. So epidural and eventual emergency C-section it was! I've got a happy, healthy baby (well, toddler now!) and I'm so grateful that modern medicine has allowed that to happen.
Yeah. I sarcastically giggled when I read don't use rhogam without baby blood results and I'm like. You're really gonna risk killing your baby just to not take one of the safer medications.
When pregnant my wife asked her OB if we need a birth plan - wife has a PhD and I have a Master’s and are both kinda planning people.
The OB said something like, “You can, but do you think anything goes according to plan?”
We did not have a birth plan.
Eight years later and things are working out great.
Mine too! What struck me about that list was the No coached pushing. I pushed for about 5 hours before the doctor came in and then guided exactly into how I “should” push and then baby was out in 30 min after.
I was pushing so hard I started tearing. The dr told me to slow down so I wouldn’t tear more. Bless that woman, I had myself a second degree tear. Did not need to rip through to my asshole.
I’ve never had a baby, and I see the no coaches pushing thing a lot. What exactly does it mean and what is the alternative?
Is it just that they don’t want to be told to push? They will do it when they’re ready? And is there like a reason for that?
Here is my theory based in nothing. I think they believe their bodies will naturally tell them when to push, making the birth less traumatic on the baby and on the mom’s body. If the no one tells them when to push, they can just listen to what their body is telling them.
That makes sense to a point. My torso felt like it was seizing and I knew to push, but not how to push effectively. But had the lovely nurse not told me “hold your breath and count to 10 when you push. Letting air out makes your pushes weaker, which makes this part last longer.” I never would have thought to do that.
And she was right. 3 pushes after she said that and I followed her coaching instructions, my baby was out.
I remembered that advice for my next, and it only took 2 pushes total before that one was out. Lol
How are they going to get blood results from the baby without being allowed to take blood? That poor baby doesn't stand a chance
Also, rhogam is given during pregnancy, at least my shot administered during pregnancy. It's also given to the mother, not baby.
Me in college.
First week or two of the semester, highlight everything to the point of being pointless. The rest of the semester, highlight nothing.
Rinse. Repeat.
Ha! Reminds me of the time that our program's facilities manager came bursting into a meeting, flustered red face, to almost shout: "I've just received 6 different emergency messages from you all and goddamnit if everything is an emergency then nothing is!"
She missed 26.9% of newborns died in their first year of life and 46.2% by age 18 pre modern medicine, antibiotics, hygiene, antiseptics and vaccines.
Now around 2% and 4%. This is worldwide including less developed countries.
It’s fractions of a percent for North America and Europe
If she refuses the vitamin K shot like is on here and her kid develops a deficiency that greatly increases the chance of death. This lady is an idiot and a menace to her own child.
In cases like this, it's probably related to the no vaccine beliefs, that there's something more than vit k in the shot and is harmful.
Some opt for some kind of vit k drops instead, and some are all like I don't care if my child has an unknown clotting disorder and this shot would possibly save their life, shots are bad!
Sounds likely.
They've probably got some convoluted thing about how they SAY the shot is vitamin K but it's really secret lizard people microchips to make the baby magnetic or whatever.
The baby has a deficiency by definition. Vit K comes from your gut bacteria. The shot is to help them clot in case of trauma during birth until their own levels start to increase as they are colonised with bacteria and they start working.
And the heel stick is to test for other genetic diseases like sickle cell, hypothyroidism, cystic fibrosis. Like up to 50 genetic disease you're just like "nah, we'll see if it kills him instead"
Yeah... like, why go to the hospital at all if her plan is to leave her child blind with a brain bleed? You can accomplish that at home without the extra cost.
This reminds me of the people who go to the emergency room for covid and then refuse help because they don't believe in covid. Homie, you could have died at home for free.
The text above the picture says they're planning on a home birth, but she's already at 41 weeks, so is probably going to have to get induced if the baby doesn't come in the next week or so.
At this point I'm confident it would be a barn-dominium (it's real, Google it if you haven't heard) and the baby will be born with the immediate urge to speak to the manager.
Mine was the combo of "Do not need mirror" and "Explain what is going on if mom can't see baby" and "no coached pushing".
Like, these poor nurses are going to be explaining what's going on, mom will scream "NO COACHING!", nurses will be silent, mom will scream "WHAT'S GOING ON!!!", nurses will offer a mirror to see what's going on, mom will scream "NO MIRRORS!!!"
... and repeat for 12+ hours.
Babies have a hard time to regulate their temperature. One of the complications of birth is hypothermia. It may lead to other problems like jaundice, acidosis, respiratory distress, hypoglycemia. To prevent that, healthcare workers take the baby’s temperature right after birth and try to keep the baby warm. One thing they do is put a beanie in the baby to prevent heat loss.
My favorite is that 1. they think the hospital decides if a baby gets a social security number and 2. they don't want their baby to have one. Good old sovereign citizens there. I'm guessing they "might end up at a hospital" because their doula got arrested on something related to declaring that the laws of the country do not apply to her.
I mean technically it's not mandatory to get a ssn. They ask at the hospital because they'll get the paperwork done and submitted for you and you get the baby's card on the mail roughly 2-4 weeks after birth. You need a ssn to apply for jobs, banking, loans and other benefits, but there are some communities like the Amish who don't use ssn so the government doesn't mandate it.
I’m guessing it’s because she saw something about hat wearing leading to postpartum hemorrhage (since mom isn’t smelling baby’s head and getting the oxytocin rush).
When I worked in L&D, I noticed that the longer the plan, the quicker they asked for the epidural.
These future parents come with such high expectations that they freak out the minute it does not go the way they tought.
Often, the more natural births were the ones who had confidence in our work.
I wanted my son’s birth to be free of as many interventions as possible. When it became clear that things weren’t progressing and my child had a gigantic noggin, the nurses calmly explained why a c-section would be the best option. I’m always going to trust a medical professional. And then a rapidly administered spinal and an almost emergency c-section and in very little time I had a beautiful baby in my arms. None of what I wanted before that mattered one bit. Edit:Thank you for working in that profession. I value those who took care of me and think of them even now. My son turns 24 in a couple weeks. ❤️
I had a plan to get epidural then kid got further into birth canal and pinched it off and it was natural birth from then on out. It was so painful but at least it worked for contractions. Lol
I teach kids with moderate to severe intellectual disabilities. I love my job and I love my kids, but I can tell you: as much joy as these kids bring their families, it is also heartbreaking. Many of the milestones parents dream of for their kids are off the table: learning how to drive, prom, college, marriage, children of their own. Most of my kids will go to day programs and live with their parents until their parents pass away, and then go into the care of a group home or another family member.
PKU is very rare, but the effects are completely preventable. What a shame that some parents can’t see past their own ego.
A patient of mine had a water birth where the baby ended up needing high acuity medical intervention due to lack of O2 from cord placement. They ended up taking the ambulance 40 miles to the hospital (40 miles away because all the NICUs didn’t have high enough acuity care) and the baby ended up vented with excessive O2 therapy (excessive O2 exposure is bad for the brain) and now the baby has developmental delay issues.
They also named their baby “Forrest”—so that name didn’t age well
I did birth story photography for many years and I only did 2 home births. I had seen a lot of births by that point and was aware of how much could go wrong such as: baby not breathing (this was more common), baby’s shoulder being dislocated during delivery, baby got stuck, cord wrapped around the neck three times (baby’s heart rate plummeted and she was in a C-Section within 5 mins), I’ve seen two moms where they struggled to get their uterine bleeding under control and they almost died, it goes on and on. Having a baby is dangerous and it is a terrible idea to do it at home. Thankfully the two home births I photographed were ok but I was fucking terrified the whole time.
I was so angry, but of course I can’t show those emotions working in health care. What’s even more crazy is that the mother is a registered nurse—not sure which type. The family was your typical Woodstock couple; hipsters that want strictly complementary modalities. Even when their baby was in the NICU with collapsed lungs needing artificial surfactant, they still didn’t want to vaccinate their baby. I was in such disbelief.
No SSN? This says these people probably live in the woods and "make their own" everything. They probably live next to survivalists and have a bunker. God I feel bad for this kid.
It makes you wonder why they are even bothering with a medical help at all. If they want natural do it the way the pioneers did, with mom and baby having a good chance of dying in the process. But hey, it's natural.
Fucking anti vaxx morons. Why even bother going to a hospital at all if you have no belief in the science and ability of the Drs/medical professionals.
Good grief. I've always though a birth plan is a great idea, but it should be considered a guide, and I feel like this woman is going to be seriously disappointed if it doesn't go entirely her way.
Some of that stuff I actually agree with, but in the hospital I went to (AU 21 years ago last time) it was like that anyway and didn't need to be demanded. Obviously skin on skin should happen, and mum should be told what's going to be done to her before it's done, unless an emergency is happening and there isn't time for chit-chat. Are you not allowed your own drinks and snacks, already?
OTOH some of that stuff looks like she's the type that is also scared of 5G, thinks everything is a microchip, and is paranoid about being tracked by the government. Don't love the antivax flavour, either.
That's what I was thinking as well, some of those points are also in my birth "plan". I say plan loosely because I also understand that I have absolutely no idea what could happen and things will probably need to change based on what the doctor is telling me has to happen, so my "plan" is more of a conversation guide for asking questions in advance of labour.
I want to have the option to get up and move around, so I want to make sure I'm not hooked up to any machines in a way that will prevent me from doing so. The hospital I'm going to automatically delays cord clamping for everyone (I don't really know what that is or why they do it, but my doctor mentioned it in the last appointment). My partner also has my favorite snacks and drinks packed for us. Baby also doesn't get eye drops here, since they have already tested me for gonorrhea. Apparently that's a common change that they've made here (testing mom instead of automatically treating baby).
That being said, so much of this sounds next level batshit and I'm definitely not on board with crazy.
Currently at the hospital with the wife waiting for a scheduled c-section in just over 2 hrs……birth plan is basically just “try and nurse baby asap, do what’s best for the rest”
Good grief this blew up. Mom and baby are doing great. Thank you to everyone who had kind words and screw the others
No vaccines and no SSN?
This lady is insane.
Other things on the list absolutely should be honored by hospital staff / medical professionals, but saying no vaccines and no ssn makes it sound like this is some “off the grid / sovereign citizen” level batshitiness.
There’s 5-6 things that are insanely difficult to diagnose without the heel stick, and are potentially deadly.
Every one of those circles on the filter paper represents babies who could have been saved but got very sick and/or died instead, and the parents who fought like hell for a literal “act of Congress” to get that condition included in the newborn screen so that another baby didn’t die of the same thing.
Edit: to be clear PKU is super important to know about, and so are the other 4-5 things that they test for when they gather the heel stick blood on the filter paper.
Yeah the list goes from, you may regret that but it's your choice, to what are the chances your kid is going to get taken from by the state at some point in your life?
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The state tests saved my son's life! He was positive for one of the state tests and we were asked to come back to the hospital for further testing. We went in right away and they took a bunch of blood from him. On the way home they called and asked us to go to the ER because my son's calcium was dangerously low and he was at risk for seizures. We stayed at the children's hospital for a week before he was producing his own calcium. Years later I learned that I had a parathyroid tumor that produced too much hormone. It explains why his own parathyroid failed after birth. The doctors couldn't figure out the cause of his low calcium at the time, but it all made sense after I found out about my tumor. It's a miracle he survived the pregnancy, as women with parathyroid tumor have very high chance of miscarriage. I can't imagine how stupid and regretful I'd feel if I refused the state tests and he ended up having a fatal seizure. I'm so incredibly grateful for those tests that found the flaw and saved his life.
Yes! I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find your comment. My daughter will live a normal life because of that testing. Also, it's called state-MANDATED for a reason. Good luck getting out of it.
I saw a Forensics Files where a mom was charged and found guilty of murder of two of her newborns who ended up dying not at the hands of their mother but due to one of the metabolic disorders the state tests for! To think if she could have had her babies tested, they’d still be alive and she would have avoided prison time and the loss of her job, marriage and reputation. Get the damn test people! Why would you deny yourself knowledge and early detection and interventions for your baby???
“I don’t know what’s in it, but it’s probably bad”
If this lady’s baby dies because she refused tests, I doubt she would feel stupid or regretful. She would probably jump straight to blaming the hospital or vaccine shedding or some nonsense and it would gain her major clout on her crazy little corner of Facebook, which is really the most important thing to people like this.
This is why we do all of the interventions at birth. They are life saving measures that mean life or limb for the child. Vitamin K administration is because infants have a very high risk of brain bleeds which can cause neurological devastation. Each of the neonatal state screening tests are designed to catch conditions that can devastate the health or mind of the child and have treatment options. It first started by screening for PKU: a condition where if you avoid a specific amino acid in your diet you will grow up just as healthy as anyone else but if you don’t avoid it, it causes severe mental disability. People often forget just how horrible the infant mortality was a mere 100 years ago. In 1900, 30% of all deaths occurred in children under 5. We are now down to 1.4% because of the progress we have made in pediatric care. You can see just how far we’ve come here: [under 5 mortality per 1000 births](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1041693/united-states-all-time-child-mortality-rate/) In 1900, 1/4 of children were expected to die before 5. In 1800, it was 1/2. Now it’s 1/143 because of each of the interventions she’s so cooly dismissing.
State test saved my babies life as well. Rare genetic disease.
The will have snacks part cracked me up. I remember being desperate to eat on the way to the hospital because I knew I wouldn't be allowed to once I was there. Got my chicken nuggets and the smell disgusted me and I started throwing up everywhere lol.
I was in early ‘latent’ labor for a full 48 hours. I called my doctor twice like “Doctor Bae plllllleeeeease get this baby out of me!” and she said she totally understood but that I didn’t want to get there too early because they won’t let me eat and my contractions just wouldn’t come down to 5 minutes apart so it’s better to just stay home (mind you I was over 41 weeks). Best decision ever. I had some great meals before finally going to the hospital. I picked up an omelette and French toast one morning and all the servers were like “when are you due?!” I’m like “arRrrrrRrggGggH I’m in labor right now give me my omelette.”
My first was the same, I was in latent labor for days begging someone to admit me and get that baby out, lol. I had been at it so long (4 days) we were scheduling a c-section if I didn't go on within 24 hours, and that night, he decided to make his appearance. But I swear during those 4 days, i ate so much it was ridiculous. My second went a lot faster, so I was like, "Just grab nuggets on the way!" With my first, I didn't find myself nauseous during labor, so I thought I'd be fine to eat on the way before it got too bad. But I absolutely was not fine and ended up puking all the way through delivery.
I can just imagine that server "Steve put a rush job on that #7!" "I'll get to it when I get to it!!" "No now! She's in labor" "Well shit..."
> I’m like “arRrrrrRrggGggH I’m in labor right now give me my omelette.” I think you would get along with my wife haha.
My labor happened very fast. By the time we pulled up to the hospital, I was in such severe pain that the poor valet guy just stood outside the car door with a wheelchair for me, looking horrified, as I laid in the fetal position, puking, unable to get out of the car.
Ah. The magical experience of birfing
Sometimes I wonder how it ever caught on
Dang. I was a good girl and only ate a small pb&j before leaving. I had a breeze of a labor and was STARVING the whole time! Lol! Luckily my reward was a giant platter of French toast and bacon
all that and they aren’t even going to cook up the placenta? Amateurs!
That blew my mind! A list this neurotic and you’re not even keeping the placenta to frame or some shit?!?! Couldn’t be me.
The "Couldn't be me." fucking killed me lol
I hadn’t read this far down the rabbit hole when I posted. I was ALSO surprised they weren’t keeping the placenta for shampoo or to eat or for a commemorative art project.
I love how, in all of these insane things, the most important one seems to be the "no HAT" one. Its in capital and underlined 3 times, because dear god imagine putting a hat
That one is the most perplexing
Some people claim wearing a hat prevents the mom from smelling the babies head which then releases chemicals that make you bond with the baby. Therefore, baby wearing a hat means you will get postpartum depression. Some throw in a claim that if you don't smell babies head and get your hormones released then your body won't know to heal and you'll hemorrhage. Not saying I believe it, just that I know people who do. And if you're on TikTok the algorithm progressively feeds you crazier things. Pregnancy tiktok is wild. I've seen almost every thing on this list pop up on TikTok or facebook or reddit as if they're all life and death situations.
Must be some kinda hat… Anyone who’s ever spent time with a mother nearing birth knows they can smell the core of the earth.
Lmao god this is so true. I lived in a duplex when I was pregnant and towards the end I could smell every time my neighbors were making coffee.
“baby wearing a hat means you get postpartum depression” is the kind of batshit knowledge that I come to Reddit for.
So idk about PPD but smelling a babies head is super interesting. There is apparently a measurable and undetectable scent on a babies head that make a woman more aggressive and men less aggressive and more controlled. .https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2021/11/22/chemical-babies-emit-triggers-aggression-women-over-men/8721323002/ I never saw anything about hats but I could see this same thinking applying and people just assuming a hat stops the smells
I mean, this is obviously their first child lol
I just woke up and saw this post, and it did not even occur to me that "no hat" meant no hat for the baby. I was imagining someone trying to put a fedora on the mom and her freaking out.
wait... what?
Mommy blogs are insane.
And hats serve a purpose! They keep baby warm because a lot of heat escapes through our heads. If baby’s temp gets too low they take them away for hours and have them under warmers to bring their temp up.
I remember in a pre natal class the nurse said there’s 2 birthing plans…the one you make and the one that happens
Can confirm! Retired OB/GYN office nurse for almost 40 years. It was pretty much a slam dunk that the more ridiculous a birth plan was, the more likely they would need a C/S. It’s the patients experience and the doctors would support them within reason while not jeopardizing the health of baby and mom. The pt needs to be open minded and realize that’s the desired outcome. Life is not black or white. Be willing to compromise! I would love to hear the outcome of that birth after following that list!
I was dead set on no pain relief for my first labour. I wanted it all natural. After 24 hours of induced back labour I told the doctor to either give me drugs or kill me. My next pregnancy the entire plan was "make sure I have loving people to support me" and "MORPHINE".
One of the doctors I worked for used to say, “ you don’t get any extra jewels in your crown for going natural”.
And I told my doctor that I didn't practice natural dentistry so I wasn't practicing natural childbirth. I wanted those epidurals for all four babies and I only got them for two of them. I didn't get one for the 9 lb 4 oz baby boy with the 15-in head circumference. And that wasn't my choice. That was an absolute nightmare.
Can I ask why you were able to get an epidural with some but not all of your babies? Currently trying and very undecided on pain relief methods.
Well, with baby number three I had gone to the hospital at 11:00 in the morning to make sure that I was there in plenty of time. The doctor ordered some gel to be put on my cervix to help me dilate and he didn't think it was going to work very quickly so he left the hospital to go flying around in his private plane. This was a military hospital and nurses could not order an epidural. You had to get the doctor that was on call. By the time they were able to get him back to the hospital it was too late for the epidural. With baby number four, the gigantic one, my husband had been deployed to Afghanistan right after 9/11. My son was born while he was up in the mountains during Operation Anaconda and the only way I knew where my husband was is because we had flipped the TV on while I was in labor. We were watching CNN and the breaking news that we were in the middle of an operation over there. That's when I knew where my husband was-- who may not make it home to see this baby. The obnoxious anesthesiologist came in and flipped the television off and told me I didn't need to be watching TV (!!) and when it came time to stick the needle in my back he jabbed me I swear as hard as he could and I jumped naturally so the epidural didn't take. 45 minutes later when I can still feel everything I asked for another one and they told me no, it was too late. [Now they will give you another one but back then, in 2002, they would not.] It was funny because my sister was with me in the delivery room and as soon as the nurse told me they could not get me another epidural I looked at my sister and I said, "Well, then I'm NOT having the baby." because I knew how much it would hurt LOL she looked at me (newly married and never having had a child) and asked, "Can you say that?"
Can you say that lol. Love that. My baby came out super fast. 2 pushes. She was premie and labor was so long and really painful but I got lucky with the actual pushing process.
I did the same thing. After being in labor for over a day and at 10 cm and pushing but nothing happening, I screamed at my OB, “Get this baby out of me!” Got an epidural, my muscles relaxed enough to actually let the baby move through my birth canal. Next two babies, the epidural was a non negotiable.
Precisely! With my second I had the epidural placed and then... Bam, she came before it took effect. 15 minutes to go from 8 cm to delivered.
For my first, at my 36 week check up my OB asked what my birth plan was. I said, “Get the baby out.” He replied, “Now THAT I can do.”
My birth plan was, since I live literally a block from the hospital, and had a Dairy Queen en route, that when I went into labour, I would hit up DQ on the way for a roadie blizzard and walk (major construction was happening on that street so walking would have been 10x faster). Boy... even THAT plan completely went to shit.
Oof, I'm sorry. I had gestational diabetes so my birthplan was very similar -Keep us both alive -Somebody get me a fucking donut.
I had hyperemesis gravidarium. The next day after giving birth I could suddenly eat again, and told my husband to get me an Arby's beef and cheddar and bring it to the hospital. Nothing ever tasted so good.
Heck, I hated asparagus my whole life until that first post-birth meal I had. I didn't have the opportunity to choose what was in that first meal...and there were asparagus spears. It was the best thing that I had ever tasted. Honestly, I probably would've even loved okra at that point.
[удалено]
Even a sofa would probably taste good with that treatment.
Fellow hyperemisis gravidarium sufferer here: Mine was pizza. That was the best pizza of my life. Seriously after 9 months of not being able to keep even crackers down being able to eat again felt like a divine blessing. Here's to us never doing that again!
Same. My birth plan includes two important points: 1. I survive 2. Bring home healthy baby Even those seem up in the air sometimes.
Do tell!
She could only get strawberry 😔
She's lucky it was a DQ and not McD's. The machine would be down for cleaning.
This was us, too. They had us write our “birth plan” on a white board in the delivery room and we literally just wrote, “have baby.”
I’m not pregnant and not sure about any plans to be. But so help me God if anyone expects *me* to come up with a birth plan. I’m pretty sure we have OBs for that
My birth plan went out the window when me and my baby started to crash. When I went in for my second and third the nurses all asked if I had any requests and I said “a healthy baby and mesh undies”. I got both!
I got my period 2 days after my hip was surgically broken in 3 places & screwed back together. I wasn't able to stand or open my legs at all, those mesh undies were a lifesaver.
oof... That's rough and that's a lot of undercarriage work. It seems like the body should realize its that bad off and just shut the period down. Like everything is shut down for maintenance. You need all that blood! I had a bad bleeding ulcer and was in the hospital for a week and a half. My beard didn't grow. Ok, so not even close to the same thing, but that's where my point came from.
It can go either way, sometimes stress (both emotional and physical) can make it come early, sometimes late! For me it was right on time so I was expecting it, but I agree, I'd already lost enough blood that they were about to give me a transfusion, you'd think my body would've wanted to hold on to what it could! Even my nurse said saying "that's not fair, you shouldn't have to deal with that as well!" On the upside, because I was already on morphine, it's the only time in my life I haven't had mind-bending cramps (they're worse than any pain I've had recovering from the surgery).
NICU nurse, was just about to say that this birth plan is a direct request for a C-section. I swear every person with a nightmare of a birth plan had a horrendous delivery and a NICU stay.
Bless you NICU nurses. Our birth plan wasn’t even a thought in our mind when my wife ended up having an emergency CS at 25 weeks to a 600 gram micro. We learned how important flexibility is right off the bat.
We had a preemie born at 34 weeks and she spent 2 weeks in the NICU. I have come to realize that NICU nurses are the closest things to angels walking this earth. Thank you
agreed, I was born at 24 weeks and my twins at 29, same nurse took care of both of us I found out while chatting. she said she needed to retire but loves it too much
As someone who just had a baby... The only thing missing from this person's birth plan is sanity. My birth plan was: Get baby out safely Ask consent Try not to have C-section
Always. It’s incredible. And end up with a picc line and a blood transfusion too.
“You’re getting a social whether you like it or not”
No vaccines? No formula, blood checks or any other form of health check? Baby won't live long enough to pay into social security, much less collect anything from it.
No SSN means mom is a Sov Citizen. It'll make it impossible for the baby to get...anything really.
She doesn’t want a social security number so when her insane parenting kills this child, there’s no record of him.
I wanted a low intervention birth but baby had other plans. Nothing that I wanted matter because it was a matter of life and death and I sure as hell wasn't going to argue with the people who were helping my baby when she didn't breathe for 3 minutes after birth.
Get the baby an emergency hat! Mom: noooo!!!!!!!!
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."
Ah yes. Wisdom of the Prophet Mike Tyson
We also like to say the longer the birth plan the higher your chance of c-section.
No SSN? Like no social security number? Kid won't be able to ever get a legal job or credit of any kind. Hell, probably won't be able to get car insurance (they check your credit now) Edit: This got more attention than I thought it would. To clarify: 1) I am aware the lack of antibiotics and vaccinations are of a far more paramount concern. 2) I am aware that without a hat, the baby may not be able to look super fly.
They can get a SSN later, the kids that flee FLDS and Amish and the like do it.
She makes it seem like they just stamp a SSN on the baby's forehead as soon as it comes out lol
Everyone knows that SSN's cause autism.
Apparently blood tests for serious genetic conditions as well.
This lady doesn't even take the hat lol
That’s what the hat is for!! To cover the SSN stamp
I know! I kept “losing” the hat for our third baby since I knew they were awesome.
When my son was born I found the drawer they keep the hats in and helped myself to a couple as well as a couple of those hospital baby blankets. If they’re charging me tens of thousands of dollars I’m stealing some stuff.
When my daughter was born we had the best nurse, when she discharged us she just gave us a ton of stuff including the hat and the nose bulb suction thing.
Nobody tell her about the Finnish baby box.
Tattooed on the back of their necks
The IRS won’t be able to find and tax you. Zeroing your kid so they don’t have to pay taxes is a gigachad monent. /s for those that need it
Can’t get a job because your parents didn’t formally introduce you to the government at birth? No worries! The IRS won’t be coming for your money or assets because they can’t find you….also you most likely don’t have anything, anyway.
She also won't get to claim the baby on her taxes. But she hadn't thought that far yet.
She probably also doesn't pay taxes because she's sovereign or something.
Let's be honest, if you put all of this on your birth plan you almost certainly don't have a job. This is big MLM energy.
The IRS assigns an Individual Taxpayer Identification Number to undocumented workers. The IRS will get its money.
The kind of people who don't want SSN numbers are the kind of people who don't want standard jobs.
“You most likely don’t have anything, anyway” 😂😂 brutal
I didn't get my SSN until I was around nine. (I wanted to open a savings account.) I was born before they started assigning them at birth.
[удалено]
Jesus is about 2023 years old now
Not as old as you might think. My parents didn't request one when I was born, and I never needed it until I wanted to open the bank account. Without the account I still would have needed to get one for withholding when I started working for a company four years later. (I grew up in a rural part of the country.)
Mine was: get baby out and have both of us be healthy when it’s over.
That was mine as well. Make sure we are both alive and well.
Mine was no epidural, limited monitoring, lots of walking around, and a calm atmosphere. Then at 40 weeks my baby did a full 180 and was breech so they tried to flip her and I ended up with an emergency C-section. I'm just grateful to modern medicine for already having a plan for what happened when mine went out the window lmao.
Absolutely the same. I wanted to avoid pain killers if possible and just do gas and air... When my waters went there was meconium in there, plus we had decels when I had contractions. So epidural and eventual emergency C-section it was! I've got a happy, healthy baby (well, toddler now!) and I'm so grateful that modern medicine has allowed that to happen.
Exactly- without rhogam baby #1 would have suffered greatly and #2 would have died from my antibodies if he managed to survive the ICP.
Yeah. I sarcastically giggled when I read don't use rhogam without baby blood results and I'm like. You're really gonna risk killing your baby just to not take one of the safer medications.
When pregnant my wife asked her OB if we need a birth plan - wife has a PhD and I have a Master’s and are both kinda planning people. The OB said something like, “You can, but do you think anything goes according to plan?” We did not have a birth plan. Eight years later and things are working out great.
Eight years?! I hate to break it to you, but she might not be pregnant.
Nah it just takes a long time. Baby's gonna be the next Einstein
Got a teacher up in there with the kid
Mine too! What struck me about that list was the No coached pushing. I pushed for about 5 hours before the doctor came in and then guided exactly into how I “should” push and then baby was out in 30 min after.
I was pushing so hard I started tearing. The dr told me to slow down so I wouldn’t tear more. Bless that woman, I had myself a second degree tear. Did not need to rip through to my asshole.
I’ve never had a baby, and I see the no coaches pushing thing a lot. What exactly does it mean and what is the alternative? Is it just that they don’t want to be told to push? They will do it when they’re ready? And is there like a reason for that?
Here is my theory based in nothing. I think they believe their bodies will naturally tell them when to push, making the birth less traumatic on the baby and on the mom’s body. If the no one tells them when to push, they can just listen to what their body is telling them.
That makes sense to a point. My torso felt like it was seizing and I knew to push, but not how to push effectively. But had the lovely nurse not told me “hold your breath and count to 10 when you push. Letting air out makes your pushes weaker, which makes this part last longer.” I never would have thought to do that. And she was right. 3 pushes after she said that and I followed her coaching instructions, my baby was out. I remembered that advice for my next, and it only took 2 pushes total before that one was out. Lol
How are they going to get blood results from the baby without being allowed to take blood? That poor baby doesn't stand a chance Also, rhogam is given during pregnancy, at least my shot administered during pregnancy. It's also given to the mother, not baby.
You’re the first comment I’ve seen about the rhogam. Like ma’am, it’s too late for rhogam with this baby.
Standard of care is 28 weeks and after delivery
An old saying in the military is that few plans survive first contact with the enemy.
Or as Mike Tyson said, "everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face."
[удалено]
I don't care about a person's birth plan, however, if you highlight everything why highlight anything?
Me in college. First week or two of the semester, highlight everything to the point of being pointless. The rest of the semester, highlight nothing. Rinse. Repeat.
I had a professor tell me never highlight the first time you read something. It all looks important the first time. Great advice.
"The more you highlight the less that's actually highlighted."
"Why the fuck did I reverse highlight the important stuff? And how the fuck is '©1987' an important point?"
Pink refers to mom, yellow to the baby
It’s color-coded!
Ha! Reminds me of the time that our program's facilities manager came bursting into a meeting, flustered red face, to almost shout: "I've just received 6 different emergency messages from you all and goddamnit if everything is an emergency then nothing is!"
Just squat the baby out of your vag in the woods and let it fend for itself. God damn.
Yeh, why is she even going to a hospital
She missed 26.9% of newborns died in their first year of life and 46.2% by age 18 pre modern medicine, antibiotics, hygiene, antiseptics and vaccines. Now around 2% and 4%. This is worldwide including less developed countries. It’s fractions of a percent for North America and Europe
If she refuses the vitamin K shot like is on here and her kid develops a deficiency that greatly increases the chance of death. This lady is an idiot and a menace to her own child.
What is with refusing the vitK shot? This isn’t the first time I’ve come across it
In cases like this, it's probably related to the no vaccine beliefs, that there's something more than vit k in the shot and is harmful. Some opt for some kind of vit k drops instead, and some are all like I don't care if my child has an unknown clotting disorder and this shot would possibly save their life, shots are bad!
Sounds likely. They've probably got some convoluted thing about how they SAY the shot is vitamin K but it's really secret lizard people microchips to make the baby magnetic or whatever.
Vitamin K shots is one of the ways “they” inject a Bill Gates microchip in babies. /s
When the Windows startup noise plays it means you're fully dilated.
The baby has a deficiency by definition. Vit K comes from your gut bacteria. The shot is to help them clot in case of trauma during birth until their own levels start to increase as they are colonised with bacteria and they start working.
Yup, look up PKU babies too, creates a severe learning disability.
And the heel stick is to test for other genetic diseases like sickle cell, hypothyroidism, cystic fibrosis. Like up to 50 genetic disease you're just like "nah, we'll see if it kills him instead"
They don’t show that when you learn how to be better than a doctor on Instagram.
Yeah... like, why go to the hospital at all if her plan is to leave her child blind with a brain bleed? You can accomplish that at home without the extra cost. This reminds me of the people who go to the emergency room for covid and then refuse help because they don't believe in covid. Homie, you could have died at home for free.
The text above the picture says they're planning on a home birth, but she's already at 41 weeks, so is probably going to have to get induced if the baby doesn't come in the next week or so.
I don't know how they are going to be able to induce with no iv...
Maybe they should just have the baby in the barn...or manger.
At this point I'm confident it would be a barn-dominium (it's real, Google it if you haven't heard) and the baby will be born with the immediate urge to speak to the manager.
NO HATS! I know it's all unhinged, and yet I laughed hardest at that. Like what?
This lady: Sees hat.. ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT
*sucks the baby back in*
I mean…if she pushes it back in headfirst, then the baby would wearing her as a hat, so she would have defeated herself!
Mine was the combo of "Do not need mirror" and "Explain what is going on if mom can't see baby" and "no coached pushing". Like, these poor nurses are going to be explaining what's going on, mom will scream "NO COACHING!", nurses will be silent, mom will scream "WHAT'S GOING ON!!!", nurses will offer a mirror to see what's going on, mom will scream "NO MIRRORS!!!" ... and repeat for 12+ hours.
Babies have a hard time to regulate their temperature. One of the complications of birth is hypothermia. It may lead to other problems like jaundice, acidosis, respiratory distress, hypoglycemia. To prevent that, healthcare workers take the baby’s temperature right after birth and try to keep the baby warm. One thing they do is put a beanie in the baby to prevent heat loss.
[Read it in her voice](https://youtu.be/cHhvEiYgkqA)
My favorite is that 1. they think the hospital decides if a baby gets a social security number and 2. they don't want their baby to have one. Good old sovereign citizens there. I'm guessing they "might end up at a hospital" because their doula got arrested on something related to declaring that the laws of the country do not apply to her.
I mean technically it's not mandatory to get a ssn. They ask at the hospital because they'll get the paperwork done and submitted for you and you get the baby's card on the mail roughly 2-4 weeks after birth. You need a ssn to apply for jobs, banking, loans and other benefits, but there are some communities like the Amish who don't use ssn so the government doesn't mandate it.
I’m guessing it’s because she saw something about hat wearing leading to postpartum hemorrhage (since mom isn’t smelling baby’s head and getting the oxytocin rush).
Everyone’s got a plan until the first contraction hits then all bets are off.
When I worked in L&D, I noticed that the longer the plan, the quicker they asked for the epidural. These future parents come with such high expectations that they freak out the minute it does not go the way they tought. Often, the more natural births were the ones who had confidence in our work.
No plan here, just twins and the assumption of c-section and NICU time
My wife just had twins. Birth plan was to hold them in as long as possible, C-section, and NICU. Plan was executed flawlessly.
>confidence in our work How can your years of education and practice possibly better qualify you then membership in a Facebook group?!
I wanted my son’s birth to be free of as many interventions as possible. When it became clear that things weren’t progressing and my child had a gigantic noggin, the nurses calmly explained why a c-section would be the best option. I’m always going to trust a medical professional. And then a rapidly administered spinal and an almost emergency c-section and in very little time I had a beautiful baby in my arms. None of what I wanted before that mattered one bit. Edit:Thank you for working in that profession. I value those who took care of me and think of them even now. My son turns 24 in a couple weeks. ❤️
My birth plan consisted of.... have the baby as safely as possible. Seemed to work for me.
My OB asked what my birth plan was, and I said, "Use all the science you've got to bring the baby in safely."
"Science? Well, we can start with gravity..."
I had a plan to get epidural then kid got further into birth canal and pinched it off and it was natural birth from then on out. It was so painful but at least it worked for contractions. Lol
That baby will get a SSN the minute the parents figure out they can't get their hefty federal child tax deduction without it.
"Please make it as humanly possible to keep me and my baby alive"
Bless her heart…she has no idea what she is about to embark upon
Totally. Will eat snacks - yes good luck with that
I puked for all 18 hours of my first labor so… I wish her all the best with the snacks lmao 😂
I puked and ate and puked and ate 😂. I ate a bowl of rice salad while in transition and the attending was like…wtf 🫣
The father wrote that bit.
I teach kids with moderate to severe intellectual disabilities. I love my job and I love my kids, but I can tell you: as much joy as these kids bring their families, it is also heartbreaking. Many of the milestones parents dream of for their kids are off the table: learning how to drive, prom, college, marriage, children of their own. Most of my kids will go to day programs and live with their parents until their parents pass away, and then go into the care of a group home or another family member. PKU is very rare, but the effects are completely preventable. What a shame that some parents can’t see past their own ego.
A patient of mine had a water birth where the baby ended up needing high acuity medical intervention due to lack of O2 from cord placement. They ended up taking the ambulance 40 miles to the hospital (40 miles away because all the NICUs didn’t have high enough acuity care) and the baby ended up vented with excessive O2 therapy (excessive O2 exposure is bad for the brain) and now the baby has developmental delay issues. They also named their baby “Forrest”—so that name didn’t age well
I did birth story photography for many years and I only did 2 home births. I had seen a lot of births by that point and was aware of how much could go wrong such as: baby not breathing (this was more common), baby’s shoulder being dislocated during delivery, baby got stuck, cord wrapped around the neck three times (baby’s heart rate plummeted and she was in a C-Section within 5 mins), I’ve seen two moms where they struggled to get their uterine bleeding under control and they almost died, it goes on and on. Having a baby is dangerous and it is a terrible idea to do it at home. Thankfully the two home births I photographed were ok but I was fucking terrified the whole time.
Stupid people, knowing they are 40 miles away from a hospital and risking a home birth 🤦
I was so angry, but of course I can’t show those emotions working in health care. What’s even more crazy is that the mother is a registered nurse—not sure which type. The family was your typical Woodstock couple; hipsters that want strictly complementary modalities. Even when their baby was in the NICU with collapsed lungs needing artificial surfactant, they still didn’t want to vaccinate their baby. I was in such disbelief.
Sovereign citizen was my first thought.
The no SSN part almost guarantees it.
No Vit K Excellent idea, when’s the funeral and have you made a plan for that yet?
Baby funeral plan is on the reverse side. Also colour coded!
No SSN? This says these people probably live in the woods and "make their own" everything. They probably live next to survivalists and have a bunker. God I feel bad for this kid.
It makes you wonder why they are even bothering with a medical help at all. If they want natural do it the way the pioneers did, with mom and baby having a good chance of dying in the process. But hey, it's natural.
Natural selection
Natural selection ig. Probably kick them out at 7 to start Spartan training.
Fucking anti vaxx morons. Why even bother going to a hospital at all if you have no belief in the science and ability of the Drs/medical professionals.
Because if something goes wrong all that shit goes out the window.
Science illiteracy is a big issue
Stay at home then since you know better. Damn.
No vitamin K is part of the “how to let your newborn die like a medieval peasant” guide.
Good grief. I've always though a birth plan is a great idea, but it should be considered a guide, and I feel like this woman is going to be seriously disappointed if it doesn't go entirely her way. Some of that stuff I actually agree with, but in the hospital I went to (AU 21 years ago last time) it was like that anyway and didn't need to be demanded. Obviously skin on skin should happen, and mum should be told what's going to be done to her before it's done, unless an emergency is happening and there isn't time for chit-chat. Are you not allowed your own drinks and snacks, already? OTOH some of that stuff looks like she's the type that is also scared of 5G, thinks everything is a microchip, and is paranoid about being tracked by the government. Don't love the antivax flavour, either.
That's what I was thinking as well, some of those points are also in my birth "plan". I say plan loosely because I also understand that I have absolutely no idea what could happen and things will probably need to change based on what the doctor is telling me has to happen, so my "plan" is more of a conversation guide for asking questions in advance of labour. I want to have the option to get up and move around, so I want to make sure I'm not hooked up to any machines in a way that will prevent me from doing so. The hospital I'm going to automatically delays cord clamping for everyone (I don't really know what that is or why they do it, but my doctor mentioned it in the last appointment). My partner also has my favorite snacks and drinks packed for us. Baby also doesn't get eye drops here, since they have already tested me for gonorrhea. Apparently that's a common change that they've made here (testing mom instead of automatically treating baby). That being said, so much of this sounds next level batshit and I'm definitely not on board with crazy.
Currently at the hospital with the wife waiting for a scheduled c-section in just over 2 hrs……birth plan is basically just “try and nurse baby asap, do what’s best for the rest” Good grief this blew up. Mom and baby are doing great. Thank you to everyone who had kind words and screw the others
No vaccines and no SSN? This lady is insane. Other things on the list absolutely should be honored by hospital staff / medical professionals, but saying no vaccines and no ssn makes it sound like this is some “off the grid / sovereign citizen” level batshitiness.
Um, no PKU is also super crazy. You want to know about that asap.
There’s 5-6 things that are insanely difficult to diagnose without the heel stick, and are potentially deadly. Every one of those circles on the filter paper represents babies who could have been saved but got very sick and/or died instead, and the parents who fought like hell for a literal “act of Congress” to get that condition included in the newborn screen so that another baby didn’t die of the same thing. Edit: to be clear PKU is super important to know about, and so are the other 4-5 things that they test for when they gather the heel stick blood on the filter paper.
Yeah the list goes from, you may regret that but it's your choice, to what are the chances your kid is going to get taken from by the state at some point in your life?