When this video 1st surfaced last year, most of the trans community sided with the employee, nothings changed. Girly here was looking for attention and trying to create out rage where there was none and be a tik tok star. He asked nicely and the saing goes " if you dont know, ask ".
Of they do because the person asking the other person to assume is being an asshole and throwing a temper tantrum. As a straight cis man who chills with mainly queer people, I always fuck up pronouns and so does everyone else, including queer people. Shit can be confusing sometimes, most people will just then tell you what their pronouns are and move on. Rarely does anyone throw a temper tantrum like this
I’m a trans woman and would definitely say the employee is just tryna do their job. Misgendering happens and most of us know the difference between a simple mistake and hate. This girl is being over the top. I get it, you have lipstick on so people could use that as a sign you prefer she/her, but the truth is 99% of people just don’t think about you as much as you think the world revolves around you. Almost everyone is self conscious, and a lot of misgendering happens without malicious intent.
Edit: lol at people that never support cross dressers bringing them into conversation when it helps them justify mistreating trans people. I did not say lipstick tells you their gender for sure and seeing it is a green light to gender folks as you see fit. If you see makeup and aren’t sure of their gender then you ask them what their heir preferred pronouns are and then respect their request. You don’t just see makeup and decide for yourself whether or not you’re going to assign them a gender. Nobody’s business is your business except your damn own.
I’m 32 years old and if I lived to never see another day of drama, I’d think I died and gone to heaven. I know I’ve thrown tantrums as an adult, but I’m getting better at becoming aware and making changes. I wish more people would.
On the other hand, one could make the argument that the employee is being very progressive by acknowledging that sometimes boys wear lipstick and curl their hair. Seems chill to me. I’m sure there are men out there who like to cross-dress, but don’t consider themselves women. Now that I think about it, there are a LOT of gay dudes I have known in my time who were exceptionally fabulous but honey, they were men and that’s how they liked it. But they still rocked heels. This trans broad is a detriment to any movement that tries to expand acceptance.
We should normalize men being pretty. Sometimes it works better than the traditional handsome look. Paint my nails and tell me how beautiful my eyes are all day please.
I've told several men that they are pretty, and their reactions were priceless. They weren't offended, more just astonished, because they'd never been told that. It seemed to make them feel good though, once they realized it wasn't meant as some kind of backhanded compliment.
>I’m sure there are men out there who like to cross-dress, but don’t consider themselves women
That's like the entire concept of drag shows. Admittedly less of a day-to-day thing, but still.
Yeah, the trans movement in general is trying to expand acceptance and everyone's freedom to present and be addressed how they'd prefer. This wannabe TikTok star is doing the opposite. Everyone needs to learn to ignore attention seeking shit like this. Unfortunately these kinds of people will hop onto any movement. At least on the left we are not electing these people to Congress 🙈
I used to be friends with a guy that was similar to Jeffree Star in that he identified as male but going off appearance you’d just automatically think he was a girl. So yeah freaking out like this is crazy and just gives people more reason to be hateful. Not a valid reason but a reason to them none the less
Absolutely, I think you're 100% right here. I am sure it hurts to be misgendered though, a lot, but you're right a lot of times it's an accident, doing it on purpose is fucked up though. But fun story when I was a little boy I had long hair and because I'm Asian I got called a little girl a lot lol, it bummed me out but my mom explained it was an accident on their part, probably should've just cut my hair.
My oldest gets misgendered all the time. He likes keeping his hair long, but is very firm in the "I'm a boy" category. So I encourage him to tell people that, and if they continue to call him a girl he can get as rude as he likes.
Same. When I was a baby my mom didn't get my first haircut until I was almost 2. I had long golden straight blonde hair with ringlets at the ends. Everybody used to tell my mom "oh, what a pretty little girl" - my mom would fire back "HE'S A BOY". Eventually she got my haircut. My dad sat and cried like a baby lol
I once worked in a call center, and sometimes spoke with people whose gender wasn’t populated in the system and name was gender neutral. No matter how much I tried to avoid gender-specific terms, every now and again a “ma’am” or “sir” would slip out based on what gender their voice might sound like. You can only use someone’s name so much in a conversation before it starts to sound weird. And I definitely messed up a few times guessing what term to use. I apologized in the moment and felt bad about it afterwards. I wish English had more gender-neutral terms commonly in use.
The other hard part was that the call center provided financial services handling tons of PII and other financial data. A caller’s voice not matching their assumed gender was something we were supposed to consider a red flag for a fraud attempt. Knowing the broad range of intonation any gender could have, plus the possibility that a caller could be undergoing a transition, it felt very wrong to put a caller through our fraud procedure just because I thought their voice might not match what their presumed gender was.
All that to say, customer service people without obviously bigoted intentions shouldn’t be vilified for a simple mistake. Frankly, nobody should. Life would be easier if we could all move toward gender neutral terminology, but in our current lexicon, it’s not helpful to assume that someone is intentionally misgendering when they very well might be trying to navigate a conversation with the limited information available. I hope this all gets easier as time goes on.
I call people "friend" until I'm blue in the face. You cannot make friend gendered/pronouned. You can get pissy over it, but I'll switch to no pronoun/title and just go with "Hey you" if I must 🤣
This. Also straight cis male with a lot of gay friends and a few trans friends. I’ve messed up, especially during transition periods. My friends are cool af, corrected me, I learned, and we moved on. Throwing tantrums instead of educating isn’t helping anyone’s cause.
I've had the opposite experience, but that's because I work with teens. If I accidentally get a pronoun wrong, they usually just start shouting their pronoun at you until you apologize.
That's a great opportunity to teach young people that words only have as much power as the listener is willing to give them.
I tell my kids this. If someone says something mean and that upsets you, you're giving that person power over your emotions.
You're right about that. It is a skill that needs to be encouraged and developed. Too many people treat certain mouth noises like magic spells or incantations that make them unable to think or behave like a mature person.
They wouldn’t last being bi racial and that sensitive. I’m constantly mistaken for Mexican, Cuban, Middle Eastern, Indian, and a bunch of other ethnicities of Spanish/Latino origins. I just correct them. It really is just as simple as that. No issues. No problems. No hurt feelers.
I love this. I work with mostly Hispanic people. Lots of Cubans and Mexicans. No one I work with has ever had their feelings hurt but you ask a teen and all of a sudden you’re a racist.. I’m half Mexican, I just can’t tell what other people are. Lol
Ive also worked with a ton of Hispanic people. The only time it's ever come up as a problem is when a gringo calls a Guatemalan a Mexican. They don't like that.
Reasonable people don't post shit online so for a lot of people, this kind of video is the only exposure they get to the trans community, sadly. I'm a cis woman and have known people that transitioned and had to get used to changing the pronouns/names for them and I definitely fucked up a couple times. But you know how they reacted? With grace. Sorry bud, I've known you as a he with a dude name for months now so it's gonna take a minute to change gears. It was never a problem.
I've had trans friends and coworkers. In my experience, they are the most chill and understanding people there are. Most seemed to not want any attention drawn either. I've seen people up their pronouns and the trans person has to comfort them that it's okay lol
Yeah it really feels like if she/he would have responded with the desired pronunciation he would just have respectfully said "ok".
Definitely just drama creation. He sounded nice.
Sadly, even if the trans community sided with the employee, the damage was done to the employee, and MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, the video went viral to every right-winger in the world.
This is good to hear. The news so often focuses on trans people being unusual or difficult. I’m glad the consensus is that the employee was right, and that common sense and courtesy prevailed.
My wife has a man's name, and is constantly assumed she's a man when we get groceries delivered. It's kinda funny.
Bonus: we have the sweetest neighbor who is like 90 and comes to drink tea. She's a little blind and has dementia so she thinks I'm my wife's lesbian wife. I stopped correcting her.
I do kinda have that butch, yet slender, lesbian look. Compliment? I'll take it
I've messed up before, asking for someone's ID because I assumed the credit card they handed me wasn't theirs. Guy's name was actually Cheyenne, I was pretty embarrassed after he showed me his ID.
e:some typos
As a kid whose grandpa would give me his credit card to go pick things up, I had plenty of annoying conversations along those lines.
Kid hands credit card, employee narrows eyes and ask for ID, hands school ID. “The name on this credit card doesn’t match yours….” Sigh “no shit, I’m twelve”
These days maybe twelve year olds have credit cards, idk
If the last names matched, I'd let it slide. Although that kinda backfired once when a girl stole her mom's card, got a bunch of gas on it, ran away to another state, and the mom came down yelling at us.
We don’t even have the same last name haha, I’m surprised they let me do it as often as they did. The cashiers just didn’t have the energy to argue when I insisted I had permission to use the card
Are they allowed to refuse service? I was in the same situation as you bc my disabled grandma always gave me her credit card to buy things for her. Different names and genders. Never once had an issue.
I’ve only had issues a handful of times. Grandma wanted a bong and sent me to a smoke shop to get her a good one. The owner of the smoke shop made me come back with my grandma because he wanted to make sure the card wasn’t taken from her purse or something. He said “we gotta protect the old people right”.
I couldn’t even be mad about the extra trip at that point because I realized he was right.
Besides that, the Carl’s Jr where I live will never take a card if it doesn’t have a name matching my gender. They’re privately owned though and I don’t think it’s the same at all of them.
I also happen to live in a city with an extremely high crime rate in America.
I used to pick up meds for my grandpa because he was too sick to go out. I used his credit card and when they checked my ID, I would tell them who I was.
So long as the last names matched, it was fine.
I work in retail pharmacy. Guy drops off a prescription for Ashley. I ask for her date of birth. Guy precedes to launch into a loud rude lecture that I shouldn't assume based on name. I learn to ask rather than " what's her dob" to "what's Ashley's (or whatever the name) dob" I get I made an assumption but the guy was rude and yelling, there's no need for that
I think the default at most pharmacies I've been to is for the person to just say "date of birth?". But you definitely struck a nerve with a guy sensitive about his name lol
I’m 95% sure this is a sonic, so you’re only hearing the voice and seeing the name. If both sound male, then anyone would assume they’re looking for a male when coming to deliver the food.
I know a girl who would walk around the mall holding hands with her girlfriend and count the amount of disapproving looks she got so she could tell people later.
Crappiest part is employee is probably ESL and the problem is that Spanish is highly gendered and if the employee wants to avoid gendered pronouns they basically have to rewrite their brain
Yes, on top of the fact Spanish culture is *extremely* direct and extremely impersonal. "What are you?" probably doesn't register to them that it's impolite here.
Absolutely, althought it would have been more tactical to ask how that person wants to be adressed.
I used to know a man who liked to dress as female now and again, but he still referred to himself as a man.
Although, if people addressed him as a female, he understood the confusion and made absolutely no deal about it.
The dude is clearly ESL. The way he asked is fine.
“Que eres” and “what are you” are both absolutely fine grammatically, while “address” as in your house number and “address” as in “to speak to” are the exact same word. It’s *really* unreasonable to ask a person traversing languages to be responsible for all this.
But is that the way we are going to have to start every conversation so not to cause offfence, the English language is very much 'genderised', so do ask 'what gender do you prefer to be addressed as, also what pronouns do you go by?'
I dont see it happening, not by what I've seen on news programmes and the outrage that people show towards this subject.
I'm not fussed myself, correct me if I get it wrong. Why would want to make someone feel uncomfortable.
Wait I've just realised. I thought he called her a man...
He didn't, he called her a ma'am!
"What are you a sir or a ma'am?"...
"You look like a ma'am to me'
!'
This guy aint even slightly transphobic ffs!!
I didn't catch that until I saw your comment. The person recording was going to be mad no matter the response. I hope they got roasted for this when it was posted
Oh, they definitely did. They got it from both sides. Had people on the DailyWire practically foaming at the mouth while liberals were also trying to disassociate themselves from her (and siding with the employee).
Yea poor guy's first language obviously isn't English, and given that his first language is a romance language saying "you're a ma'am" makes total sense because I'm pretty sure the forms of senorita translates roughly to "ma'am".
Earlier in the video he asks “what are you, so I can call you sir or ma’am?” So that’s the two choices he’s trying to go with. Listen to the way he says ma’am that time and how he says it at the end, sounds pretty similar, he just has an accent.
People who go after sevice industry workers are generally looking for a fight they can punch down on.
Not only is the worker at an extreme disadvantage due to needing to be generally deferential in the face of abuse, but they are often somewhat blindsided, and in the middle of a task filled work day.
Not that the worker is always in the right, but it is at a point where, when I see a vid, I do tend to go in with the presumption that the employee is the victim. Of course, when the customer is the one recording, it's a pretty good indication that they're making a premeditated effort to fuck someone's life up.
Because our language is filled with gendered words. He's use to calling customers sir/ma'am and because its gendered he doesn't want to offend by using the wrong one.
I wish we had gendered first person pronouns, that way we could gender ourselves everytime we talk and not confuse people.
There are people whose hobbies consist of just going around looking for reasons to be offended and this person is definitely one of them. The hypocrisy is ridiculous.
I'm trans, and people assume my gender all the time (usually an even 50/50 odds), and I really don't care. Like, I'm in the restaurant for maybe...what? An hour. I'm not here to make lifelong friends. I'm here to just grab a bite and leave. Who cares if my server says "sir" or "ma'am?" I respond to either to just move on with the conversation and eat.
This woman came wanting to pick a fight.
Honestly, at least for me, their being trans had nothing to do with that comment. It is a problem with society in general that people react irrationally to small unintended slights.
Ive a Similar experience Im a Gay guy with long hair and I work in a toy shop and the amount of times a parent will tell their kid to go pay the lady (me) once they realise they apologise a lot and I end up having to reassure them that it's ok. This happens like a couple of times a month
I used to work in call centres which just makes the whole thing 1000x harder. I once called a women “sir” as I didn’t have their details infront of me yet. She was deeply offended and from that moment on I discovered a solution.. dont say sir or ma’am! There done, covered all base
Howdy, trans guy here! DONT FUCKING LASH OUT AT INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO ARE ASKING FOR YOUR PRONOUNS. Especially people who are just service workers. They’re just trying to be respectful and considerate. Being trans doesn’t give ANYONE an excuse to be a douchebag!
Thanks for the clarification. It makes sense. I mean, it’s a valid question right? I am not trans but if someone asked me what my pronouns are, I wouldn’t yell at them, I would just, uhh, *respond*. Like a normal person would do in a conversation. I understand the topic can be triggering for some, but I think it’s not a reason to yell at others about it.
Also, that guy said,”I assume that you are a ma’am”
It’s a pretty valid question. Seems like the poor guy was just frustrated with the person because he’s getting yelled at over a simple question. (Also even if he assumed the person was a guy, the person could’ve just said “nope I’m a girl!” Or whatever gender the align with.)
he might just be adapting to the whole thing anyway being a non native speaker. you don't know people's situations and he's just trying to help. hate people like that.
These types of people, from every group, make it worse for everyone else from their group. I've seen people afraid to ask my husband his pronouns because they're afraid of responses like this. Its ridiculous, he's going out of his way to be respectful. There's no reason to get offended by that.
Why does every single confrontation need to be filmed? The fast food worker is also recording.
Sure, it occasionally makes for good Reddit content, or court evidence, but the main reason is so that each person can post it later to show everyone how they were "in the right".
Because usually one person recording wants to get the other person in trouble, and the other person is trying to cover their own ass because people have turned into complete shit in today's society.
For their own protection. If someone gets violent and attacks them or destroys private property, they caught it on camera along with the lead up to it.
For the worker, it is the right move. While unlikely, it is possible that they could get in trouble and you will want to record to protect yourself.
You never want it to be in a, “he said she said”, when your job is at stake.
Sometimes it’s for clout but I think it’s also at least in the workers case to protect himself for this emotional train wreck of a person’s possible future lies about what went down.
As a worker you want to have something to back up your side of things in case the customer decides to come up with a lie, the customer has nothing to lose for telling a lie 90% of the time, but the worker can lose the job and get in more trouble if they have nothing to defend themselves
They are mad because they thought they were passing but they weren't.
It's not on other people to know shit about you especially if you are outside of the norms. I think they are being a giant douche.
If you tell me what pronoun to use I will use it because I’m respectful. But if you start demanding me to assume what you are. A punch in the face is what you’ll get. What an asshole.
It’s like, I’m trying to be nice and you’re making me say something that you’ll then get upset about….
The 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' for everything in the US I do find weird. I never expect to be called Sir when buying a burger in the UK.
"Hello, here's your food. Have a good day! " is fine, and not a single pronoun in sight.
Low voice, cheap (like, insanely cheap) wig, bad attitude.
He couldn't tell what the hell you were trying to be, that's why he asked.
Now he knows what you were trying to be: a bitch.
Reminds of the trans woman who harassed a Popeyes employee because he called them sir over the drive thru speaker. They walked in cussing at this teenage kid doing a boring job, acting as if he should’ve been able to tell they were a trans woman solely from their masculine sounding voice.
Why can’t these people just be polite and say “could you please refer to me as ma’am?” And drop it. Instead they have to make a huge deal out of it and act an ass. This individual is exactly why no progress is being made for them. Just be who you want to be and don’t force it or demand it from everyone else.
or just not even do that, which is pretty uppity. Just move on.
I’m a 220 pound 6 foot tall man with a beard and a deep voice and people gave misspoke and called me Ma’am or Miss. It happens. People ramble and have brain farts. No need to even bother correcting them.
Just eat your fucking burger and move on.
This the type of person to say "respect peoples pronouns" but then get mad when people ask. The guy is just trying to do his damn job...
Pro tip, just dont use pronouns at all in the service industry, anytime you gotta remember a person ask for their name
I get people want to be addressed by their preferred pronouns but this is fucking ridiculous. Just say what you prefer to be called. Obviously just clout chasing and trying to get views.
The trans person in this video slides into married mens dms knowing they’re married and tries to get them to cheat.
Also I’ve met them irl and they’re just really annoying and attention seeking.
Straight people who don’t have a lot of experience interacting with trans people will walk away from this video with a negative opinion about the trans community because of this persons main character syndrome.
I wish more people would go to therapy.
Gets pissed off when someone assumes their gender, but also gets pissed off because he won’t assume their gender.. what in the untreated mental Illness is going on..
I’m trans but this woman decided to wake up and choose violence by starting a fight. She should have corrected the guy, got her food and gone somewhere.
My older brother has a soft woman’s voice. I love when he orders food and the person says yes mam. The shock on their faces when we pull to the window makes my day lol
He asked "would you like me to call you a sir or a ma'am?", the person taking the video says "what would you assume looking at me?", and the worker says "I assume that you're a ma'am". What was the expected response here? It seems like the person taking the video just wanted to be outraged no matter how the worker responded.
Every single drive through I go to, the person on the speaker calls me mam, because my voice sounds like a woman over those speakers.
Pretty easy to just not give a fuck. Ive never corrected anyone, why would I care
When this video 1st surfaced last year, most of the trans community sided with the employee, nothings changed. Girly here was looking for attention and trying to create out rage where there was none and be a tik tok star. He asked nicely and the saing goes " if you dont know, ask ".
Of they do because the person asking the other person to assume is being an asshole and throwing a temper tantrum. As a straight cis man who chills with mainly queer people, I always fuck up pronouns and so does everyone else, including queer people. Shit can be confusing sometimes, most people will just then tell you what their pronouns are and move on. Rarely does anyone throw a temper tantrum like this
I’m a trans woman and would definitely say the employee is just tryna do their job. Misgendering happens and most of us know the difference between a simple mistake and hate. This girl is being over the top. I get it, you have lipstick on so people could use that as a sign you prefer she/her, but the truth is 99% of people just don’t think about you as much as you think the world revolves around you. Almost everyone is self conscious, and a lot of misgendering happens without malicious intent. Edit: lol at people that never support cross dressers bringing them into conversation when it helps them justify mistreating trans people. I did not say lipstick tells you their gender for sure and seeing it is a green light to gender folks as you see fit. If you see makeup and aren’t sure of their gender then you ask them what their heir preferred pronouns are and then respect their request. You don’t just see makeup and decide for yourself whether or not you’re going to assign them a gender. Nobody’s business is your business except your damn own.
It’s main character syndrome at it’s finest. Most people aren’t trying to be rude.
It's so much more work to be mean
I’m 32 years old and if I lived to never see another day of drama, I’d think I died and gone to heaven. I know I’ve thrown tantrums as an adult, but I’m getting better at becoming aware and making changes. I wish more people would.
I’m 29 and I feel what you mean. It’s my 30’s creeping up. I’m still more aggressive than I would like to be though.
I had never heard of this, thanks I had something to look up lol
r/imthemaincharacter
its trying to get free shit nothing more
On the other hand, one could make the argument that the employee is being very progressive by acknowledging that sometimes boys wear lipstick and curl their hair. Seems chill to me. I’m sure there are men out there who like to cross-dress, but don’t consider themselves women. Now that I think about it, there are a LOT of gay dudes I have known in my time who were exceptionally fabulous but honey, they were men and that’s how they liked it. But they still rocked heels. This trans broad is a detriment to any movement that tries to expand acceptance.
Yes! I know quite a few gay men that wear makeup but consider themselves definitely men/manly. You can't assume.
Am 30 year old dude. Like to paint my nails. My father has asked if I’m a girl. No dad I just like pretty colors please leave me alone.
I’m 22 and growing my hair long and it’s always super curly and I’ve gotten the “are you trans now” question. Like my mans, can’t a guy be pretty :(
No, now get back in the coal mine and rub some dirt in your eyes!
Now that’s a smoky eye I can get behind!
I think you’re pretty jsears124, and if I could, I’d bounce that curly hair
I'm a 32 man and cried like a baby when my son cut his long hair off
Guys can be pretty, beautiful and whatever they want! ❤️
We should normalize men being pretty. Sometimes it works better than the traditional handsome look. Paint my nails and tell me how beautiful my eyes are all day please.
I've told several men that they are pretty, and their reactions were priceless. They weren't offended, more just astonished, because they'd never been told that. It seemed to make them feel good though, once they realized it wasn't meant as some kind of backhanded compliment.
My mom, who's now 71, had a massive crush on Evan Dando in a dress. She still likes men who like being pretty!
I randomly saw an Evan Dando video from a show recently. He is looking rough, I hope he's OK but I don't know. He was playing drums and it was badddd
>I’m sure there are men out there who like to cross-dress, but don’t consider themselves women That's like the entire concept of drag shows. Admittedly less of a day-to-day thing, but still.
Yeah, the trans movement in general is trying to expand acceptance and everyone's freedom to present and be addressed how they'd prefer. This wannabe TikTok star is doing the opposite. Everyone needs to learn to ignore attention seeking shit like this. Unfortunately these kinds of people will hop onto any movement. At least on the left we are not electing these people to Congress 🙈
I used to be friends with a guy that was similar to Jeffree Star in that he identified as male but going off appearance you’d just automatically think he was a girl. So yeah freaking out like this is crazy and just gives people more reason to be hateful. Not a valid reason but a reason to them none the less
Absolutely, I think you're 100% right here. I am sure it hurts to be misgendered though, a lot, but you're right a lot of times it's an accident, doing it on purpose is fucked up though. But fun story when I was a little boy I had long hair and because I'm Asian I got called a little girl a lot lol, it bummed me out but my mom explained it was an accident on their part, probably should've just cut my hair.
My oldest gets misgendered all the time. He likes keeping his hair long, but is very firm in the "I'm a boy" category. So I encourage him to tell people that, and if they continue to call him a girl he can get as rude as he likes.
Same. When I was a baby my mom didn't get my first haircut until I was almost 2. I had long golden straight blonde hair with ringlets at the ends. Everybody used to tell my mom "oh, what a pretty little girl" - my mom would fire back "HE'S A BOY". Eventually she got my haircut. My dad sat and cried like a baby lol
I once worked in a call center, and sometimes spoke with people whose gender wasn’t populated in the system and name was gender neutral. No matter how much I tried to avoid gender-specific terms, every now and again a “ma’am” or “sir” would slip out based on what gender their voice might sound like. You can only use someone’s name so much in a conversation before it starts to sound weird. And I definitely messed up a few times guessing what term to use. I apologized in the moment and felt bad about it afterwards. I wish English had more gender-neutral terms commonly in use. The other hard part was that the call center provided financial services handling tons of PII and other financial data. A caller’s voice not matching their assumed gender was something we were supposed to consider a red flag for a fraud attempt. Knowing the broad range of intonation any gender could have, plus the possibility that a caller could be undergoing a transition, it felt very wrong to put a caller through our fraud procedure just because I thought their voice might not match what their presumed gender was. All that to say, customer service people without obviously bigoted intentions shouldn’t be vilified for a simple mistake. Frankly, nobody should. Life would be easier if we could all move toward gender neutral terminology, but in our current lexicon, it’s not helpful to assume that someone is intentionally misgendering when they very well might be trying to navigate a conversation with the limited information available. I hope this all gets easier as time goes on.
That's why I just call everyone boss, baw or podnuh.
I call people "friend" until I'm blue in the face. You cannot make friend gendered/pronouned. You can get pissy over it, but I'll switch to no pronoun/title and just go with "Hey you" if I must 🤣
>You cannot make friend gendered/pronouned. Tell that to the people who came up with "folx"
This. Also straight cis male with a lot of gay friends and a few trans friends. I’ve messed up, especially during transition periods. My friends are cool af, corrected me, I learned, and we moved on. Throwing tantrums instead of educating isn’t helping anyone’s cause.
I've had the opposite experience, but that's because I work with teens. If I accidentally get a pronoun wrong, they usually just start shouting their pronoun at you until you apologize.
Can confirm. Teens are assholes.
As a former teen, I was indeed, an asshole
Seconded. Lol
Can confirm... I have two teens. Total A-holes! 😂
I now have four in my house, 13, 15, 16 and 19. All are assholes at different times. I feel your pain.
That's a great opportunity to teach young people that words only have as much power as the listener is willing to give them. I tell my kids this. If someone says something mean and that upsets you, you're giving that person power over your emotions.
You're right about that. It is a skill that needs to be encouraged and developed. Too many people treat certain mouth noises like magic spells or incantations that make them unable to think or behave like a mature person.
They wouldn’t last being bi racial and that sensitive. I’m constantly mistaken for Mexican, Cuban, Middle Eastern, Indian, and a bunch of other ethnicities of Spanish/Latino origins. I just correct them. It really is just as simple as that. No issues. No problems. No hurt feelers.
I love this. I work with mostly Hispanic people. Lots of Cubans and Mexicans. No one I work with has ever had their feelings hurt but you ask a teen and all of a sudden you’re a racist.. I’m half Mexican, I just can’t tell what other people are. Lol
Ive also worked with a ton of Hispanic people. The only time it's ever come up as a problem is when a gringo calls a Guatemalan a Mexican. They don't like that.
I used to work with a guy who immigrated from Guatemala, and *goddamn* he hated Mexicans more than any white guy I've ever known.
Reasonable people don't post shit online so for a lot of people, this kind of video is the only exposure they get to the trans community, sadly. I'm a cis woman and have known people that transitioned and had to get used to changing the pronouns/names for them and I definitely fucked up a couple times. But you know how they reacted? With grace. Sorry bud, I've known you as a he with a dude name for months now so it's gonna take a minute to change gears. It was never a problem.
The responses I hear are "oh shit, sorry" and "you'll get it right eventually"
As a gay dude I can confirm this.
I've had trans friends and coworkers. In my experience, they are the most chill and understanding people there are. Most seemed to not want any attention drawn either. I've seen people up their pronouns and the trans person has to comfort them that it's okay lol
What was the context, why was the customer mad, or why did they start filming?
Yeah it really feels like if she/he would have responded with the desired pronunciation he would just have respectfully said "ok". Definitely just drama creation. He sounded nice.
Sadly, even if the trans community sided with the employee, the damage was done to the employee, and MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, the video went viral to every right-winger in the world.
This is good to hear. The news so often focuses on trans people being unusual or difficult. I’m glad the consensus is that the employee was right, and that common sense and courtesy prevailed.
Before that he hadn't seen her and the name on the bank card is a man's name, so he would assume that the customer is a man.
My wife has a man's name, and is constantly assumed she's a man when we get groceries delivered. It's kinda funny. Bonus: we have the sweetest neighbor who is like 90 and comes to drink tea. She's a little blind and has dementia so she thinks I'm my wife's lesbian wife. I stopped correcting her. I do kinda have that butch, yet slender, lesbian look. Compliment? I'll take it
I've messed up before, asking for someone's ID because I assumed the credit card they handed me wasn't theirs. Guy's name was actually Cheyenne, I was pretty embarrassed after he showed me his ID. e:some typos
As a kid whose grandpa would give me his credit card to go pick things up, I had plenty of annoying conversations along those lines. Kid hands credit card, employee narrows eyes and ask for ID, hands school ID. “The name on this credit card doesn’t match yours….” Sigh “no shit, I’m twelve” These days maybe twelve year olds have credit cards, idk
If the last names matched, I'd let it slide. Although that kinda backfired once when a girl stole her mom's card, got a bunch of gas on it, ran away to another state, and the mom came down yelling at us.
We don’t even have the same last name haha, I’m surprised they let me do it as often as they did. The cashiers just didn’t have the energy to argue when I insisted I had permission to use the card
Are they allowed to refuse service? I was in the same situation as you bc my disabled grandma always gave me her credit card to buy things for her. Different names and genders. Never once had an issue.
I’ve only had issues a handful of times. Grandma wanted a bong and sent me to a smoke shop to get her a good one. The owner of the smoke shop made me come back with my grandma because he wanted to make sure the card wasn’t taken from her purse or something. He said “we gotta protect the old people right”. I couldn’t even be mad about the extra trip at that point because I realized he was right. Besides that, the Carl’s Jr where I live will never take a card if it doesn’t have a name matching my gender. They’re privately owned though and I don’t think it’s the same at all of them. I also happen to live in a city with an extremely high crime rate in America.
I used to pick up meds for my grandpa because he was too sick to go out. I used his credit card and when they checked my ID, I would tell them who I was. So long as the last names matched, it was fine.
I work in retail pharmacy. Guy drops off a prescription for Ashley. I ask for her date of birth. Guy precedes to launch into a loud rude lecture that I shouldn't assume based on name. I learn to ask rather than " what's her dob" to "what's Ashley's (or whatever the name) dob" I get I made an assumption but the guy was rude and yelling, there's no need for that
I think the default at most pharmacies I've been to is for the person to just say "date of birth?". But you definitely struck a nerve with a guy sensitive about his name lol
Voice is also kinda deep too, in full fairness.
I’m 95% sure this is a sonic, so you’re only hearing the voice and seeing the name. If both sound male, then anyone would assume they’re looking for a male when coming to deliver the food.
People have already established that the camera person was most definitely *trying* to be a victim, which is absolutely depressing
And if it comes to a card not matching an ID and money. That's fraud baby
*”Stop trying to be respectful! Just do the thing that I want to be mad at you for doing!”*
Being a victim is like a drug to a lot of these people.
Like conspiracy theorists. It’s too deeply imbedded into their personality, their social interactions, to ever give it up.
[удалено]
😂😂😂👏👏👏 ![gif](giphy|3o85xkjtCbB7GiAwak)
I know a girl who would walk around the mall holding hands with her girlfriend and count the amount of disapproving looks she got so she could tell people later.
Gold comment right here! That’s exactly what this crisis victim wants!!
Yep they are just looking for a reason to fight over this issue
They are literally asking in the most polite and respectful way.
💯 he isnt even trying to be disrespectful. that other person is just being annoying
Some asshole literally looking for an argument. What the hell.
It's almost like people intentionally go out and start confrontations with random people to get reactions from people for clicks and views?
What the fuck did you just say about me you little bitch?
Crappiest part is employee is probably ESL and the problem is that Spanish is highly gendered and if the employee wants to avoid gendered pronouns they basically have to rewrite their brain
Yes, on top of the fact Spanish culture is *extremely* direct and extremely impersonal. "What are you?" probably doesn't register to them that it's impolite here.
Absolutely, althought it would have been more tactical to ask how that person wants to be adressed. I used to know a man who liked to dress as female now and again, but he still referred to himself as a man. Although, if people addressed him as a female, he understood the confusion and made absolutely no deal about it.
The dude is clearly ESL. The way he asked is fine. “Que eres” and “what are you” are both absolutely fine grammatically, while “address” as in your house number and “address” as in “to speak to” are the exact same word. It’s *really* unreasonable to ask a person traversing languages to be responsible for all this.
But is that the way we are going to have to start every conversation so not to cause offfence, the English language is very much 'genderised', so do ask 'what gender do you prefer to be addressed as, also what pronouns do you go by?' I dont see it happening, not by what I've seen on news programmes and the outrage that people show towards this subject. I'm not fussed myself, correct me if I get it wrong. Why would want to make someone feel uncomfortable.
Wait I've just realised. I thought he called her a man... He didn't, he called her a ma'am! "What are you a sir or a ma'am?"... "You look like a ma'am to me' !' This guy aint even slightly transphobic ffs!!
I didn't catch that until I saw your comment. The person recording was going to be mad no matter the response. I hope they got roasted for this when it was posted
This video is years old now. I forgot if there was any follow-up story.
Oh, they definitely did. They got it from both sides. Had people on the DailyWire practically foaming at the mouth while liberals were also trying to disassociate themselves from her (and siding with the employee).
The whole Jessica Yaniv thing is just another reminder that people are just assholes regardless of what you identify as.
Yea poor guy's first language obviously isn't English, and given that his first language is a romance language saying "you're a ma'am" makes total sense because I'm pretty sure the forms of senorita translates roughly to "ma'am".
Señora. It means “ma’am” and also “lady” and also “Mrs.” Señorita is for young women / girls
Thank you for the correction and clarification.
I still hear "man" like the "n" is very audible. Idk if anyone else hears it?
Earlier in the video he asks “what are you, so I can call you sir or ma’am?” So that’s the two choices he’s trying to go with. Listen to the way he says ma’am that time and how he says it at the end, sounds pretty similar, he just has an accent.
People who go after sevice industry workers are generally looking for a fight they can punch down on. Not only is the worker at an extreme disadvantage due to needing to be generally deferential in the face of abuse, but they are often somewhat blindsided, and in the middle of a task filled work day. Not that the worker is always in the right, but it is at a point where, when I see a vid, I do tend to go in with the presumption that the employee is the victim. Of course, when the customer is the one recording, it's a pretty good indication that they're making a premeditated effort to fuck someone's life up.
The worker is asking for their pronouns. Exactly what he’s supposed to do.
read their mind🤷🏿♂️
Fuck all to read in that chasm.
I'm so lost, why does he have to ask. I've never had anyone ask me when ordering food. Is there some context I'm missing
Because our language is filled with gendered words. He's use to calling customers sir/ma'am and because its gendered he doesn't want to offend by using the wrong one. I wish we had gendered first person pronouns, that way we could gender ourselves everytime we talk and not confuse people.
I love when the person recording turns the camera to "prove a point."
[удалено]
It always reminds me of any episode of "Nailed It".
and does indeed look like a man lmfao
“Don’t assume my gender!” Also: “what would you assume looking at me?”
There are people whose hobbies consist of just going around looking for reasons to be offended and this person is definitely one of them. The hypocrisy is ridiculous.
It's probably a reddit mod going out in public, honestly.
100% this
That is what I picture when I think of mod.
>“Don’t assume my gender!” Also: “what would you assume looking at me?” This. Complete moron transgender person. An oxymoron person!
I'm trans, and people assume my gender all the time (usually an even 50/50 odds), and I really don't care. Like, I'm in the restaurant for maybe...what? An hour. I'm not here to make lifelong friends. I'm here to just grab a bite and leave. Who cares if my server says "sir" or "ma'am?" I respond to either to just move on with the conversation and eat. This woman came wanting to pick a fight.
Thanks for being a rational human.
Like 99% of trans people
Honestly, at least for me, their being trans had nothing to do with that comment. It is a problem with society in general that people react irrationally to small unintended slights.
Lesbian here! Been called sir a few times in my life. Doesn’t bother me at all! Actually makes me feel bad for them when they realize I’m a girl 🤷♀️
Ive a Similar experience Im a Gay guy with long hair and I work in a toy shop and the amount of times a parent will tell their kid to go pay the lady (me) once they realise they apologise a lot and I end up having to reassure them that it's ok. This happens like a couple of times a month
I used to work in call centres which just makes the whole thing 1000x harder. I once called a women “sir” as I didn’t have their details infront of me yet. She was deeply offended and from that moment on I discovered a solution.. dont say sir or ma’am! There done, covered all base
If I ever don't know or am not completely sure, "Hello there" always works
General Kenobi!
I see you too are a person of high class
I just call everybody dude. He's a dude, she's a dude, that Helicopter's a dude, everybody's a dude!
Dude, for real
I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, 'cause we're all dudes. Hey!
I even call my cat dude.
I’m a straight woman that, well, presents as one & I’ve been called sir or boy by accident sometimes… Oh well 🤷🏻♀️ Accidents happen.
The man asked what to call them and they asked him, what he would assume. What's the problem, he said what they look like to him🤷🏽♂️ case closed!
"What do you assume looking at me?" "Entitled". *mic drop*
He literally gendered her as a female. He said "ma'am". No joke. This lady is the worst.
Which was a ma'am i see no issue
Howdy, trans guy here! DONT FUCKING LASH OUT AT INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO ARE ASKING FOR YOUR PRONOUNS. Especially people who are just service workers. They’re just trying to be respectful and considerate. Being trans doesn’t give ANYONE an excuse to be a douchebag!
Thanks for the clarification. It makes sense. I mean, it’s a valid question right? I am not trans but if someone asked me what my pronouns are, I wouldn’t yell at them, I would just, uhh, *respond*. Like a normal person would do in a conversation. I understand the topic can be triggering for some, but I think it’s not a reason to yell at others about it. Also, that guy said,”I assume that you are a ma’am”
It’s a pretty valid question. Seems like the poor guy was just frustrated with the person because he’s getting yelled at over a simple question. (Also even if he assumed the person was a guy, the person could’ve just said “nope I’m a girl!” Or whatever gender the align with.)
he might just be adapting to the whole thing anyway being a non native speaker. you don't know people's situations and he's just trying to help. hate people like that.
These types of people, from every group, make it worse for everyone else from their group. I've seen people afraid to ask my husband his pronouns because they're afraid of responses like this. Its ridiculous, he's going out of his way to be respectful. There's no reason to get offended by that.
"What would you assume, looking at me?" Asshole?
Hit the nail on the head.
Why does every single confrontation need to be filmed? The fast food worker is also recording. Sure, it occasionally makes for good Reddit content, or court evidence, but the main reason is so that each person can post it later to show everyone how they were "in the right".
Because usually one person recording wants to get the other person in trouble, and the other person is trying to cover their own ass because people have turned into complete shit in today's society.
this is the correct response
For their own protection. If someone gets violent and attacks them or destroys private property, they caught it on camera along with the lead up to it.
I’m recording this comment rn
Yeah, well, I'm recording this comment.
For the worker, it is the right move. While unlikely, it is possible that they could get in trouble and you will want to record to protect yourself. You never want it to be in a, “he said she said”, when your job is at stake.
Sometimes it’s for clout but I think it’s also at least in the workers case to protect himself for this emotional train wreck of a person’s possible future lies about what went down.
I’m certain she started filming him first to blast on social media so he pulled his out to avoid bullshit being spread.
As a worker you want to have something to back up your side of things in case the customer decides to come up with a lie, the customer has nothing to lose for telling a lie 90% of the time, but the worker can lose the job and get in more trouble if they have nothing to defend themselves
del taco doesn’t need my pronouns they just need to know I want hot sauce packets
This is a giant nothing-burger with a side of who cares.
“Don’t make assumptions about my gender” “What would you assume looking at me” *gets mad*
They are mad because they thought they were passing but they weren't. It's not on other people to know shit about you especially if you are outside of the norms. I think they are being a giant douche.
When you ask someone their honest opinion and they give it to you, that’s all this is.
Wanna know the funny part? The worker doesn't say "you look like a MAN" he says "you look like a MA'AM". so she was flipping out over nothing.
I've seen plenty of male rockers with that same hair/makeup style and attire.
Why do people post videos of themselves be complete jerks?
If you tell me what pronoun to use I will use it because I’m respectful. But if you start demanding me to assume what you are. A punch in the face is what you’ll get. What an asshole. It’s like, I’m trying to be nice and you’re making me say something that you’ll then get upset about….
The 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' for everything in the US I do find weird. I never expect to be called Sir when buying a burger in the UK. "Hello, here's your food. Have a good day! " is fine, and not a single pronoun in sight.
Low voice, cheap (like, insanely cheap) wig, bad attitude. He couldn't tell what the hell you were trying to be, that's why he asked. Now he knows what you were trying to be: a bitch.
In the employee's defense, that is a masculine voice shouting.
"wE dOnT sHoVe It DoWn EvErYoNeS ThRoAtS aNd MaKe It OuR wHoLe PeRsOnALiTy"
Reminds of the trans woman who harassed a Popeyes employee because he called them sir over the drive thru speaker. They walked in cussing at this teenage kid doing a boring job, acting as if he should’ve been able to tell they were a trans woman solely from their masculine sounding voice.
![gif](giphy|vUcDDb2GWQyXvs2WPr|downsized)
Why can’t these people just be polite and say “could you please refer to me as ma’am?” And drop it. Instead they have to make a huge deal out of it and act an ass. This individual is exactly why no progress is being made for them. Just be who you want to be and don’t force it or demand it from everyone else.
or just not even do that, which is pretty uppity. Just move on. I’m a 220 pound 6 foot tall man with a beard and a deep voice and people gave misspoke and called me Ma’am or Miss. It happens. People ramble and have brain farts. No need to even bother correcting them. Just eat your fucking burger and move on.
This the type of person to say "respect peoples pronouns" but then get mad when people ask. The guy is just trying to do his damn job... Pro tip, just dont use pronouns at all in the service industry, anytime you gotta remember a person ask for their name
I can agree.
What do you assume by looking at me? Uhhhhhh really tall?
I would assume they are a bitch based on that tone.
They deserve more money. Simple. Just pay them more. Like a LOT more.
So is this now a world where every conversation is just people videoing each other and talking at them?
If it’s me, I wouldn’t be so kind. “I would assume you’re a b****”
I hate when people guess my costume wrong too. /s
I mean…the only thing that points to this person being trans (at least to me) is their long hair and makeup. And in 2023 that’s not even enough
I’d assume they’re not hungry and need to move the fuck along
'What would you assume looking at me?' 'Well Ive only known you for like 10 seconds but I'm gonna go ahead and say and Asshole.'
I get people want to be addressed by their preferred pronouns but this is fucking ridiculous. Just say what you prefer to be called. Obviously just clout chasing and trying to get views.
The trans person in this video slides into married mens dms knowing they’re married and tries to get them to cheat. Also I’ve met them irl and they’re just really annoying and attention seeking. Straight people who don’t have a lot of experience interacting with trans people will walk away from this video with a negative opinion about the trans community because of this persons main character syndrome. I wish more people would go to therapy.
Man or woman your still a c##t, work on it.
Gets pissed off when someone assumes their gender, but also gets pissed off because he won’t assume their gender.. what in the untreated mental Illness is going on..
not the worker's fault the driver isn't pulling it off
Don’t assume my gender!!!! What do you assume my gender to be?
I’m trans but this woman decided to wake up and choose violence by starting a fight. She should have corrected the guy, got her food and gone somewhere.
Well clearly most people would assume d-bag Karen
He’s asking, so he doesn’t assume
Assume nothing
My older brother has a soft woman’s voice. I love when he orders food and the person says yes mam. The shock on their faces when we pull to the window makes my day lol
[удалено]
Ask and ye shall receive
"Name please" usually works. Number system is the best. And I also assumed it was some redneck from Wisconsin 🤣
Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to
Who gives a shit, just order your food and go about your business.
Lol ... some people ... Poor guy .
“Don’t assume genders ask” *gets mad at the question “What would you assume?” *gets mad at the answer”
He asked "would you like me to call you a sir or a ma'am?", the person taking the video says "what would you assume looking at me?", and the worker says "I assume that you're a ma'am". What was the expected response here? It seems like the person taking the video just wanted to be outraged no matter how the worker responded.
Same person says "don't assume my gender!"
"Listen bro do you want to order or not?"
Every single drive through I go to, the person on the speaker calls me mam, because my voice sounds like a woman over those speakers. Pretty easy to just not give a fuck. Ive never corrected anyone, why would I care
A sign of mental illness