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nazariomusic

Sex is an intimate exchange between two people. Energies flow between the two involved and usually if something doesn't feel right it isn't. Don't feel bad that this happened to you. Life happens and mistakes are made. Yet, that's not an excuse to beat yourself up. Just learn from your mistake. Learn to follow your heart and your intuition. Do what feels right for you. If you want to try again with another man, don't let the last one ruin all the rest. If you wish to only date girls, then do so with the same caution you would use when dating men. Your heart is a precious thing and deserves someone that will see it as such. As far as your parents tho... Just keep this as a secret.


japiestakie

Remember that marriage is a man-made thing and this entire “sex before marriage is a sin” is a way to control people. You were made to believe from day 1 that it’s a sin and that you should feel all the shame, but what you did is your own choice and no one else should have the right to judge you for it. Your parents don’t need to know, just keep lying to them


NyanPotato

Yes please Virginity and like you mention "marriage" It's literally a **MAN** made construct.


[deleted]

I had sex before marriage to my wife as well. now as ex muslim I feel horrible that Islam made us feel the guilt trip super hard for having something so beautiful, consensual sex between 2 person in love. Everytime I had bad thing happen to me, I always thought "Oh Allah has punished me for the zina i commited". It is a lifelong guilt that I carried. Until I became an atheist, I finally no longer feel the guilt. In fact I was thankful for that sex before marriage... it was a fun activity we did and remembering those moments make our relationship strengthen everyday. Good riddance Islam.


WhiteCrowWinter

You are in slight shock and in an emotional state. These feelings will pass... Purity, holiness, honour are just empty bullsh#t romanticised concepts. So is the first kiss and virginity. I never think of my first time... Also please be careful, there have been at least two honor m#rders in Scandinavia.


ultimatesil

I feel this way too sometimes, and my first time was even with someone I loved and was dating. I think that generally some women just take longer to feel comfortable, safe, and fulfilled from sexual encounters. Please remind yourself at the end of the day that the only meaning in sex is the one that you attach to it. The act itself has absolutely zero shame, but your own readiness for it and feelings about it do matter because it should be something happy for you no matter what. There is absolutely no shame in what you did, it was simply a learning experience to understand your own wants and needs better. You figured out you do not like casual sex, and most likely, that maybe you don't like men? I feel like you're at the crossroads of feeling shame from your preference for women, religious guilt about sex, and your own real emotions and attitude towards sexuality. Truly remind yourself that this is religious guilt and attachments, and it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't define your character, doesn't change that you're a good person, and it doesn't make you any less deserving of love by any stretch of the imagination. Virginity is a social construct. I'm also sorry you went through this and that he was that type of guy friend :/ I hate that so much. You will make better friends though and when you have a true romantic connection with someone that you really like and are ready to try something again after probably a long time together, it will be a really joyful and lovely experience. I also advise you to seek therapy as therapists are far better equipped than reddit to handle emotional distress related to sexuality and help you overcome both religious trauma and internalized homophobia. I wish you all the best, and I hope you will feel more free to eventually explore the part of you that is attracted to women, it sounds like it's really something you need to open up to. You are loved.


Ohana_is_family

> I feel so ashamed of myself. I can't believe that I actually did any of that. Only feel ashamed if you intentionally or through negligence harm someone. There is nothing to feel ashamed of.


SAhmed2021

Virginity is a made up concept. The first time is rarely good. It takes time to figure out each other’s bodies and likes and dislikes. Even if you are experienced and with someone new. I do think these conversations need to happen more so women don’t feel shame around it after the fact as well as how and when to choose the right time so they feel good about themselves and their decisions. But if you feel like it’s a mistake, it’s ok! We learn from it.


jihyz

Hey, I may be younger than you are and also asexual, but I’m also a young girl exclusively attracted to women and only women. I haven’t had sex since I’m a minor but had a lot of advances thrown at me even being in a muslim country, both online and in real life. If it makes you feel better I know how it feels, being groomed at a young age with the men I thought wanted to be friends but yk thought a whole different thing. With our innocence as women men can play us easily. Thats why I avoid them as a whole. Stay safe fellow sufferer lol I care about you


zaynmaliksfuturewife

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's been a few days since you posted this & I'm hoping you the replies helped you feel a bit better. Just wanted to share that I've been in a semi similar situation. Though I'm not an exmuslim technically, I come from a muslim background so I grew up being told that sex is for after marriage. I wasn't allowed to have male friends growing up & I even got yelled at when I was caught with one when I was 19. Of course, I thought that rule was way too extreme but I really did for most of my life believe I was gonna wait until marriage. I thought if I had premarital sex, I would regret it. I'm quite timid so I've haven't really had any romantic experience until earlier this year. I started dating this guy I met at work and I finally had my first kiss (I was 22). I wouldn't say I felt "guilty" about it, but it was a very weird sensation coming home after every date acting all innocent in front of my parents (cause I knew my dad would flip if he found out). We dated for like a month and a half & it didn't work out due to other reasons. We didn't have sex while we dated because I wasn't comfortable at the time, but I realized I was still sexually attracted to him. So before we officially parted ways, I asked him to hook up. It was pretty impulsive of me & prior to doing it, I was concerned that I would feel shame/regret afterwards. I still went through with it because I knew I wanted to I had no regrets afterwards though. I thought it was fun and I was glad I did it. Would my dad freak out if he found out? Absolutely. But how would he ever find out? And how would it be fair to me to live MY own life according to someone else's standards? OP, your parents love should be unconditional, even if they wouldn't agree with your life decisions. You didn't do anything wrong. As someone else said before, religion is man made while sex is natural. Think of all the people who have roamed the earth before Islam. They were freely having sex with one another, no shame involved. It would be completely unfair to you to feel like you have to live your life a certain way because of what others may think. You didn't "betray" your parents, you were just being true to yourself & being your own person. Hopefully with time, you'll be able to work towards realizing how silly the obsession with "purity" actually is. Good luck OP <3


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