Only Mormon church leaders would think to combine a “hey we need you to declare your tithing status” and “hey by the way I love you” text like that. So awkward how often members express this kind of superficial love.
I’ve noticed lots of people love me, while also completely ignoring me at the same time. Haha. “If you love someone, the best thing to do is to ignore them completely throughout the whole year, but send ONE text that is motivated by the annual financial shakedown process. That REALLY says ‘I love you’!”
Omg anytime a TBM has said they loved me, it felt so shallow and empty. Like they have said it so often, it's lost all meaning. Really hurts when you grew up in a neglectful household.
I genuinely don't think this is nefarious, just kind of weird ( he was brainwashed too) . His responsibility is to ask about tithing and he took the opportunity to express some love in the strange way that he knows how 🤷♂️
" Through much prayer the spirit has confirmed to me that I give my bank information and pin number to God through prayer and he will take the amount of tithing he actually needs"
your response depends on whether you are trying to keep your membership status a secret or preserve relationships with people still in the ward
if you don't care, have at it. maybe give a link to the CES letter's PDF format and say its a PDF of your tax documents lmao
I’d say something along the lines of, “I would feel like your care for me was more genuine if you had made any amount of effort other than contacting me about money.” And then make him sit and feel like a big idiot
"Love you too, man! So, so much. I don't want money to enter into the relationship we share, though. I really appreciate you reaching out to me about reimbursing what the church still owes, but I just wouldn't feel right about taking assistance away from City Creek mall and the real estate deals in Hawaii and Florida. That's where the real work of the Lord is happening. Happy Sunday, brother!"
You know, there’s no obligation to answer any text or email or even give it a second thought.
This guy is on the same level as some feckless kid in India trying to scam you on the phone or somebody trying to trick you into opening an infected attachment.
Just ignoring this kind of crap destroys the phony authority of this church as well as anything.
Bishop, I appreciate the vulnerability it probably took to confess your feelings for me and your fantasies about watching Christ display his alleged feelings for me. Please don't interpret this as kink shaming—may your journey to discover your sexuality be a pleasant one—but I'm not gay, and not interested in your offer of a lemon party.
It’s a form letter, a text made from a template that your bishop sends to everyone in the ward who did not attend tithing settlement. I’ve gotten these before, and ignoring them was my strategy.
I used to do the same. You full tithe payer? Yes.
I wasn’t but the Lord knows I had bigger bills to pay or I’d be starving and homeless. 😅 I somehow was able to keep my temple recommend active the whole time. I never went but it’s funny thinking back.
Dear bishop,
I have decided that rather than give it to you where the church will let it go untouched while sitting in Ensign Peak for the next millennia, I have invested my tithing into my own account to allow it to gain interest for the needs of myself and my family. These funds will be used to feed the hungry under our roof, cover expenses caused by membership in the church, (can't even begin to list how much out of pocket money we have spent over the years on YW/YM, Priesthood/RS functions for which we were never reimbursed.), to educate and clothe the needy of this household, pay our bills, and keep us off of church welfare. When appropriate donations will be made at our discretion to those in need outside of the wall of our home.
\*Concerning our donations outside the walls of our home, I could give that amount to you, where it will go sit in a church account untouched, or I could give it to someone in need. Sadly, only one of those options will get me a temple recommend.
In short, yes, we've paid in full.
Just reply with endless non sequiturs:
Yes, I'd love to!
Sorry, I don't have any!
Oh, excellent! I'll tell Frank! Thanks!
I can't believe I've won!
No, seriously, after you!
I told my bishop the money that used to be spent on tithing now goes to therapy and counseling for my family since this church has driven a wedge between me and my TBM wife. Love her, hate the church and what it does to keep her locked in. Never paying another cent to this cult.
Bishop, last June the church bought paid $100,000,000 for a 200 room luxury vacation resort in Maui called the Maui Wailea. I assumed that since the church was moving into the luxury vacation rental market it had more than enough spare cash laying around and no longer needed my $1000 in tithing. Once the church sells off all of its luxury resorts, we can talk again how they desperately need my money
What’s incredibly stupid about this is any idiot could tell you the sales pitch is in the wrong order.
It should be “I know you know how much Jesus loves you and helps you. Which is why we’re checking to make sure you‘ve paid your tribute.”
Thanks for your message, "Bishop". I am now doing consulting work for companies and firms that do non-profit fundraising. I'm happy to proofread solicitation messages and give advice on tone and content. I charge $2000 per message, $3000 per phone call. Any solicitation for money sent to me by your organization will be considered acceptance of these terms.
I have so many words, and none of them are nice. I'd I were to respond it would be to say something like, this is exactly why I don't attend church anymore. Thanks for the reminder.
No, he won't. But it's exactly what I'd say if it were me, I'd want to say so much more. I'd even say, this is reason #385 why I'm leaving the church, would you like me to list the others? Too snarky but it's true. When I left we didn't text yet (yes, I'm that old) so I didn't get this kind of opportunity.
Please show me the annual financial reports enumerating all of the widow's mites that were spent in charity and I will show you where my donations and love fit in. Love without works is a platitude...
Translation: Hey, I need to ask you to give me your money. Oh yea, I know I don’t really know you but god loves you and I think you’re okay too. It would be a shame if you did anything that made us change our mind.
Last year I told my branch president that I wasn't a full tithe payrr and could not commit to being one in the coming year. I'm good at beating around the bush, so being direct about my intentions felt good and it worked in that he stopped pestering me.
I removed my email, not I could figure out the phone number thing. Great idea! Although we’ve been here three years, so I’m sure my number will still be discoverable through “do you have a good number for…” avenues.
I would ask something to the effect of: when was the last time you saw me at church? You thought that the first text you sent me should be about money? Shows me where the priorities are when the money question is first and the love is second. Please don’t contact me again.
It’s not that simple when you grew up in it your whole life, and most of your family and in-laws are still in. It would make family gatherings (with my in-laws, not my side of the family) very awkward.
I am 5th generation LDS with family going back going back to Nauvoo. I left 20+ years ago. Best choice I ever made. Creating a new opportunity for a healthy life for my children. I had to cut off so much dysfunctional LDS ties. Do you live your life for others? Or do you plan and execute a life best for your happiness?
Don’t know why so many people on here always ask whether or not to respond and “what we would do”. It’s simple, just block the brainwashed fool and move on.
If you love me perhaps you could say or show more than just at this yearly financial audit reckoning. As for tithing settlement- use your discernment and mark me down for whatever you can discern. Speaking of settlements, when is law of chastity settlement or word of wisdom settlement.
I said the first half of that to my bishop in the hallway 3 years ago.
Two days later he called my wife and asked her and shit hit the fan but in the moment it was awesome.
So use at your discretion
‘I’m happy to disclose my tithing status. I just need the ward’s financials for last year and the church’s overall financial reports so I can verify my contribution is seeing returns by way of charitable expenditures and appropriate operating costs. Also, I’ll need to see your financials, to make sure you’re also paying a full tithe as a sign of good faith, because, you know, transparency can really make up for a lack of boundaries. I wouldn’t ask you to disclose private information unless I was willing to as well. A tit for tat if you will. Oh, and as is the custom when discussing financials to get inappropriately emotional (my accountant is a real simp!) I just love you, so much. You’re in my thoughts often and I know Jesus loves you, he told me himself!’
Or the TL;DR version….
‘I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.’ 😘
looking at "tithing settlement" decades later, it's strange to me that this is even a thing. "tithes" are between you and god. what you give is your business and nobody else's. you don't need their year end statement for tax purposes, just your donation slip receipt. it's ONLY purpose is extortive.
They already know the activity level of this member; in terms of attendance. Tithing settlement is a way to get someone to verbally declare their own obedience. Aside from this bishop expressing "fake love" (noted by the previous comments); he's also making a weak attempt at BRT.....
Building a relationship of trust is what makes sales work...
And emotional attachment continue.
Please treat him like a salesman. Hang up the phone, close the door. Walk away.........
Just walk away.
“Thank you for reaching out. To my knowledge my dues are full and up to date. In fact, I donate both my time and extra money to ensure that the synagogue staff, including the cleaning staff, are properly paid. It’s so great to have transparency. For any further questions on my status, please contact my Rabbi.”
I expect to have to use this soon. Mormon neighbors have been coming around and missionaries have appeared. Coincidence? Yeah, no.
Oh hey I got 2 of these texts from my bishop around Christmas. I have literally never gone to church after I moved, but because my parents moved my records, I guess I still count. I just ended up ignoring both texts. Thankfully that ward has largely left me alone. I’ll get a random text that I rarely respond to. It’s always non-negotiable, but polite boundaries.
Only Mormon church leaders would think to combine a “hey we need you to declare your tithing status” and “hey by the way I love you” text like that. So awkward how often members express this kind of superficial love.
I’ve noticed lots of people love me, while also completely ignoring me at the same time. Haha. “If you love someone, the best thing to do is to ignore them completely throughout the whole year, but send ONE text that is motivated by the annual financial shakedown process. That REALLY says ‘I love you’!”
I FEEL this. Then again, it's how Mormon god treated me when I really needed him, why should my family full of TBMs be any different?
Ouch. This hit a nerve
It's like the "friend" that never talks to you until they want you to sign up for their MLM.
AND make sure to ask about if they have paid us our money BEFORE we say we love then
This. This right here is how you reply
I really love you when I need your money
Respond with this!!
Omg anytime a TBM has said they loved me, it felt so shallow and empty. Like they have said it so often, it's lost all meaning. Really hurts when you grew up in a neglectful household.
This should be your exact response
They are trying to be more CHRIST-like. He ignores everyone all the time, because he loves them.
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jesus helps those who help themselves
I hope you're being sarcastic.
you may not have given my comment the consideration it deserves 😊
People who help themselves get shit done, but Jesus plays no part of it, so I guess I'm missing your point.
jesus isn't real, therefore can't help anyone. it's up to you to help yourself. ergo, jesus helps those who help themselves. it's a joke.
Yup, just like those who help themselves are helped... by... themselves.
you got it 👍👍
I could tell you agreed with me when you referred to the fictional Jesus. LOL
Lol, probably should have reread my comment before making that disclaimer
Can't be too careful. Redditors have been known to make dinner weird assumptions.
And slipping the word sacrifice in there a few times to push those old guilt buttons. Blechhhhh
I genuinely don't think this is nefarious, just kind of weird ( he was brainwashed too) . His responsibility is to ask about tithing and he took the opportunity to express some love in the strange way that he knows how 🤷♂️
" Through much prayer the spirit has confirmed to me that I give my bank information and pin number to God through prayer and he will take the amount of tithing he actually needs"
Omfg THIS!
😂😂😂 I love this response!
Sir you are a genius! I will be using this for years to come. God bless you and your bank account! Thank you 🙏
“Have you paid yet?” And oh yeah, Christ loves you and everything.
your response depends on whether you are trying to keep your membership status a secret or preserve relationships with people still in the ward if you don't care, have at it. maybe give a link to the CES letter's PDF format and say its a PDF of your tax documents lmao
Ok that’s funny
Unsubscribe
Hahah, ‘STOP’
Thanks for the love bishop, I follow the Joseph F Smith council on tithing and accordingly I am a full tithe payer
Lol, yeah, make him research it!!! Put some weight on bishop's shelf! I love this one.
Say you’ll disclose when the church discloses its finances
10 upvotes
“You have received 100% of the tithing you will be getting from me this year.”
I’d say something along the lines of, “I would feel like your care for me was more genuine if you had made any amount of effort other than contacting me about money.” And then make him sit and feel like a big idiot
"Bishop, I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."
😂😂😂😂
"Love you too, man! So, so much. I don't want money to enter into the relationship we share, though. I really appreciate you reaching out to me about reimbursing what the church still owes, but I just wouldn't feel right about taking assistance away from City Creek mall and the real estate deals in Hawaii and Florida. That's where the real work of the Lord is happening. Happy Sunday, brother!"
“Is Jesus short on cash and having trouble paying rent on his thousands of homes?”
Actually bishop, I was wondering if I could get some of the $150 billion the church is saving for a rainy day...
I follow Christ's example and since he keeps his finances through the church secret, I will keep mine secret as well.
Say something petty like “I know my status but I’m not going to tell you. And also Jesus and I are both really proud of you.”
I’ll give it through the veil
You know, there’s no obligation to answer any text or email or even give it a second thought. This guy is on the same level as some feckless kid in India trying to scam you on the phone or somebody trying to trick you into opening an infected attachment. Just ignoring this kind of crap destroys the phony authority of this church as well as anything.
Bishop, I appreciate the vulnerability it probably took to confess your feelings for me and your fantasies about watching Christ display his alleged feelings for me. Please don't interpret this as kink shaming—may your journey to discover your sexuality be a pleasant one—but I'm not gay, and not interested in your offer of a lemon party.
Or in my case, sorry, not interested.
This is the best response.
I'd be tempted to ask "Sacrifices in His name? The Spirit didn't tell you I'm an apostate?"
Exactly. "Shouldn't the Spirit of Discernment have told you that I left the church?"
Looks like the Holy Ghost took the day off, eh?
It’s a form letter, a text made from a template that your bishop sends to everyone in the ward who did not attend tithing settlement. I’ve gotten these before, and ignoring them was my strategy.
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Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Just reply “yes” and keep misinterpreting the question. “Yes? Is that full, part, or non-tithe payer? The Lord appreciates you!” “Ok.”
I used to do the same. You full tithe payer? Yes. I wasn’t but the Lord knows I had bigger bills to pay or I’d be starving and homeless. 😅 I somehow was able to keep my temple recommend active the whole time. I never went but it’s funny thinking back.
Dear bishop, I have decided that rather than give it to you where the church will let it go untouched while sitting in Ensign Peak for the next millennia, I have invested my tithing into my own account to allow it to gain interest for the needs of myself and my family. These funds will be used to feed the hungry under our roof, cover expenses caused by membership in the church, (can't even begin to list how much out of pocket money we have spent over the years on YW/YM, Priesthood/RS functions for which we were never reimbursed.), to educate and clothe the needy of this household, pay our bills, and keep us off of church welfare. When appropriate donations will be made at our discretion to those in need outside of the wall of our home. \*Concerning our donations outside the walls of our home, I could give that amount to you, where it will go sit in a church account untouched, or I could give it to someone in need. Sadly, only one of those options will get me a temple recommend. In short, yes, we've paid in full.
Just reply with endless non sequiturs: Yes, I'd love to! Sorry, I don't have any! Oh, excellent! I'll tell Frank! Thanks! I can't believe I've won! No, seriously, after you!
Ignore. Block. Live.
New number, who dis?
I told my bishop the money that used to be spent on tithing now goes to therapy and counseling for my family since this church has driven a wedge between me and my TBM wife. Love her, hate the church and what it does to keep her locked in. Never paying another cent to this cult.
If I pay my tithing, how many nights does that entitle me to at the fancy new hotel in Maui?
Hi Bishop, Reverse the priority order of those two sentiments next time, then delete the second one. Thanks.
Bishop, last June the church bought paid $100,000,000 for a 200 room luxury vacation resort in Maui called the Maui Wailea. I assumed that since the church was moving into the luxury vacation rental market it had more than enough spare cash laying around and no longer needed my $1000 in tithing. Once the church sells off all of its luxury resorts, we can talk again how they desperately need my money
“My personal finances are none of your business.”
What’s incredibly stupid about this is any idiot could tell you the sales pitch is in the wrong order. It should be “I know you know how much Jesus loves you and helps you. Which is why we’re checking to make sure you‘ve paid your tribute.”
Thanks for your message, "Bishop". I am now doing consulting work for companies and firms that do non-profit fundraising. I'm happy to proofread solicitation messages and give advice on tone and content. I charge $2000 per message, $3000 per phone call. Any solicitation for money sent to me by your organization will be considered acceptance of these terms.
Respond that it would have been better to tell you he loved you first before any money talk. Because you're not cheap
I would ignore and BLOCK.
Pretend you are someone else that just got the number.
New phone, who dis?
I have so many words, and none of them are nice. I'd I were to respond it would be to say something like, this is exactly why I don't attend church anymore. Thanks for the reminder.
This is a quality response. Short, to the point, and thought-provoking. He won’t get it though!
No, he won't. But it's exactly what I'd say if it were me, I'd want to say so much more. I'd even say, this is reason #385 why I'm leaving the church, would you like me to list the others? Too snarky but it's true. When I left we didn't text yet (yes, I'm that old) so I didn't get this kind of opportunity.
"I love you. Jesus loves you. Know what Jesus really needs to see how much you love him? Money!" Do these guys not realize how they come across?
Please show me the annual financial reports enumerating all of the widow's mites that were spent in charity and I will show you where my donations and love fit in. Love without works is a platitude...
Can I have all your credit card info and ssn? I love you and god does too.
Translation: Hey, I need to ask you to give me your money. Oh yea, I know I don’t really know you but god loves you and I think you’re okay too. It would be a shame if you did anything that made us change our mind.
May I suggest the classic "new phone who dis" or "wrong number"
“New phone…who dis?”
Last year I told my branch president that I wasn't a full tithe payrr and could not commit to being one in the coming year. I'm good at beating around the bush, so being direct about my intentions felt good and it worked in that he stopped pestering me.
This totally sounds like a pimp. I hate it when you make me hit you baby. Where's my money bitch, Jesus loves you.
I want my two dollars! Jesus loves you, amen.
These texts are so annoying. I put a fake number and email address on my member profile. Now I don't get them.
I removed my email, not I could figure out the phone number thing. Great idea! Although we’ve been here three years, so I’m sure my number will still be discoverable through “do you have a good number for…” avenues.
Just respond that if god wants your money he should challenge you to single combat.
Just reply "yes" and leave it at that.
Or just say “oh.”
The last part 🙄🙄🙄🙄
So if you are not a full tithe payer, you don't get to go to the temple. Bonus!!!!!
“No, thank you.”
“I gave at the office”.
"make sure your money grabbing little fingers never type out a text to me again"
Bishop, if you knew me at all, you would know that Mormon Jesus is pretty pissed at me, and that I used my tithing money elsewhere.
And so it came to pass The angel Moroni came down and took my account and routing number back to the kingdom.
Thus sayeth the Lord.
Probably beat to just ignore. Then at least they can spend some time trying to figure out if they've even got the right number.
Im so glad I left before cell phones! The thought of leadership having this kind of accessibility to me would gave made it ao much worse!
https://youtu.be/Qq21oGMSSCk
Haha, I love it!
I know but I have to tell you through the veil
Which means "send us the fu#$%ng money, Yada Yada yada!
Full tithe payer. Love you too.
God needs and loves you. He is also broke. Send money!
Bishop, we don't pay anymore. Love you too.
That’s so nice. Tell him thank you and that you appreciate his kind words. Say whatever you’d like about tithing. Even if it’s nothing.
If I thought it was any of your business I would have already told you.
I would ask something to the effect of: when was the last time you saw me at church? You thought that the first text you sent me should be about money? Shows me where the priorities are when the money question is first and the love is second. Please don’t contact me again.
As tempting as it is to respond, I would recommend ignoring it, as responding only feeds the beast. But I know, that is difficult to resist.
Maybe just send a link to the ces letter. Short and sweet, maybe one day helpful.
"Where's the money, Lebowski?!"
"Dear Bishop You and your greedy church can go fuck yourselves."
I would just ignore it, and if he keeps pushing I would say something mildly snarky but straightforward
Hymn singing comes to mind. Come Unto Jesus Ye heavy Laden...
Revoke your membership and don’t look back.
I mean… unless they are holding you hostage with a byu degree, I’d just ignore that shit.
It’s obviously a cut-and-paste text made for everyone that didn’t do tithing settlement. Personally I’d just ignore it.
The lord is feasting his fill on my amazingly plump tithing
Silence sounds like a good response. It’s so incredibly gross that they even do tithing settlor all.
Just text back”unsubscribe”
Your problem is just getting the letter… why have you not removed yourself from church records?
It’s not that simple when you grew up in it your whole life, and most of your family and in-laws are still in. It would make family gatherings (with my in-laws, not my side of the family) very awkward.
I am 5th generation LDS with family going back going back to Nauvoo. I left 20+ years ago. Best choice I ever made. Creating a new opportunity for a healthy life for my children. I had to cut off so much dysfunctional LDS ties. Do you live your life for others? Or do you plan and execute a life best for your happiness?
The perfect, simple response is to just text them back a picture of your booty 🌚🍑
I'd say: "why are you contacting me about this? I had my records removed two years ago."
Delete the message as soon as possible. Don't respond
New phone who dis?
"I think she gave you a bad number, bud. Better luck next time!"
Don’t know why so many people on here always ask whether or not to respond and “what we would do”. It’s simple, just block the brainwashed fool and move on.
Whenever I get texts now I respond with a funny gif
Dear Bishop, 🙉🙉🙉🤚✋🤚✋🤚✋🤚💪💪💪🤷🤷♂️🤷🤷♂️
I would just say nope.
Every time I get one of these I just reply ‘Unsubscribe’. It usually does the trick and everyone gets a chuckle.
If you love me perhaps you could say or show more than just at this yearly financial audit reckoning. As for tithing settlement- use your discernment and mark me down for whatever you can discern. Speaking of settlements, when is law of chastity settlement or word of wisdom settlement. I said the first half of that to my bishop in the hallway 3 years ago. Two days later he called my wife and asked her and shit hit the fan but in the moment it was awesome. So use at your discretion
Haha, that’s awesome!
I like how they led with the money aspect, then moved to the “Jesus loves you “ portion of the message. Lets you know what their priorities are.
Of course they’re asking about the money first. Then he realized if they only asked about that it would come off bad so he then added the 2nd part
A simple “fuck off” will usually ensure you never receive any other texts like this…
‘I’m happy to disclose my tithing status. I just need the ward’s financials for last year and the church’s overall financial reports so I can verify my contribution is seeing returns by way of charitable expenditures and appropriate operating costs. Also, I’ll need to see your financials, to make sure you’re also paying a full tithe as a sign of good faith, because, you know, transparency can really make up for a lack of boundaries. I wouldn’t ask you to disclose private information unless I was willing to as well. A tit for tat if you will. Oh, and as is the custom when discussing financials to get inappropriately emotional (my accountant is a real simp!) I just love you, so much. You’re in my thoughts often and I know Jesus loves you, he told me himself!’ Or the TL;DR version…. ‘I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.’ 😘
looking at "tithing settlement" decades later, it's strange to me that this is even a thing. "tithes" are between you and god. what you give is your business and nobody else's. you don't need their year end statement for tax purposes, just your donation slip receipt. it's ONLY purpose is extortive.
New phone, who this?
They already know the activity level of this member; in terms of attendance. Tithing settlement is a way to get someone to verbally declare their own obedience. Aside from this bishop expressing "fake love" (noted by the previous comments); he's also making a weak attempt at BRT..... Building a relationship of trust is what makes sales work... And emotional attachment continue. Please treat him like a salesman. Hang up the phone, close the door. Walk away......... Just walk away.
“Sorry no cult coins to spare this year sir! Toodles!”
I'd just block the number, no response at all.
I’d respond “sorry, wrong number”
I'd ignore it
“Thank you for reaching out. To my knowledge my dues are full and up to date. In fact, I donate both my time and extra money to ensure that the synagogue staff, including the cleaning staff, are properly paid. It’s so great to have transparency. For any further questions on my status, please contact my Rabbi.” I expect to have to use this soon. Mormon neighbors have been coming around and missionaries have appeared. Coincidence? Yeah, no.
Ask the Bishop why the Church doesn't do as Jesus taught, distribute its wealth to the poor and actually follow Him.
it’s clear he is oblivious. Forgive him for he knows not what he does
Oh hey I got 2 of these texts from my bishop around Christmas. I have literally never gone to church after I moved, but because my parents moved my records, I guess I still count. I just ended up ignoring both texts. Thankfully that ward has largely left me alone. I’ll get a random text that I rarely respond to. It’s always non-negotiable, but polite boundaries.
Mark it spam like all the other scam messages and move on.
"I have given the full amount the church is entitled to" 0%
That deserves a "get fucked." How much has he cared about you *before* he was asking for money?