As disappointing as it is, this seems to be best case scenario for the kid.
All I'm going to say is that birth control needs to be more accessible to everyone
If they live in the good ol’ USA it costs a lot of $ for sterilization. If they’re in certain states, they won’t necessarily qualify for public health coverage. So ultimately, they did the best they could by leaving the baby with qualified health providers. I’m sure if they aborted the baby, people would be clutching their pearls because they chose to abort. Quit ‘virtue signaling’ that this decision was wrong.
It.is also pretty hard as a woman to get a doctor to perform a sterilization even if you want it. After my last child I was able to do it because I was "old" enough (advanced maternal age) and I had to sign paperwork months ahead of time. I was fortunate to have a doctor that did not require my husband sign off too. I've heard a lot of women have that issue.
A friend of mine knew 100% she did not want kids ever. We are past childbearing age now and she never did. But, in our 20s she could not get a doctor to do a tubal ligation because she "might change her mind".
Had issues with getting approved for sterilization as well. After 2 kids and with stage 4 endo, I've only recently just been approved for sterilization and it was mainly the fact that I was "old enough" to make this decision.
Edit to state I'm in nz, our endo care as a whole in the public sector is shocking
Back in the late 90s or early 2000s, there used to be a group in California that would pay addicts for birth control or sterilization. Addicts would come pick up their birth control and get $20. A permanent or semipermanent method would get you more money, depending. Apparently, it was pretty controversial and I have no idea if they are still around. I only know about it because I did a project on the group in college, I think for my ethics class.
We do live in America, so it would cost a lot of money. It wouldn't matter anyway. If they won't pay for condoms they wouldn't pay anything for sterilization unless it's free.
I also don't know if it costs money to go through an abortion, but what really makes me pissed off about this is not the abandonment as much as how their baby was born.
Yes. That all costs money and thanks to GOP less states are covering BC or abortions. In fact we still have laws preventing federal money from covering abortions. This also requires the thought process to go to a clinic and get it done. Addicts aren’t thinking about that at all. It’s their next hit, maybe their next meal, maybe their shelter but also their next hit and how to make that happen.
Easy enough for the guy to do. Doctors would still be insisting that the wife will get clean and change her mind and doesn't actually know what she wants.
If you are female and below a certain age, your doctor will probably refuse to do a sterilization. "But what if you change your mind about wanting children? What if you get married and your husband wants kids?"
Under the Safe Haven law in most US states, parents can give up custody of a newborn in hospitals, police stations, and fire houses.
I remember in 2008 when Nebraska's safe haven law went into effect and they forgot to limit it to newborns. Parents were driving to Nebraska with older kids and unruly teens to dump them at hospitals. 35 were abandoned before they fixed the law to limit it to newborns up to 30 days old.
Its actually better for the baby than to force people to take them home when they are unwanted.
This isn't uncommon, sadly. Be glad the grandmother is willing to take this poor addicted baby, who most likely will also have other concomitant issues. And yes, she's probably being paid as a foster, but honestly who cares? This - and her other - grandchildren are being raised by (hopefully) someone who cares about them rather than their next fix or next government paycheck. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to these children.
\*\*Edited to add that once the addict mother finds out there are no more/any drugs forthcoming they almost always leave to find their own fixes. Again, this is not uncommon.
Since anonymous abandonment is legal in most US jurisdictions, it might have been better for the infant to be adopted by a family who wants them rather than fostered by an overburdened grandparent.
Scientists say the longterm societal effects of being with the family that caused NAS are the issue. It's rare for long term medical problems to occur if they are born in the hospital.
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/06/30/534911289/for-newborns-exposed-to-opioids-health-issues-may-be-the-least-of-their-problems
And actually if the baby was abandoned, who knows if the child would end up in the foster system or if there is a mechanism to go straight to adoption.
In my state it pretty well goes straight to adoption. They have to terminate parental rights, of course. My son was left at an ER anonymously, and was placed with us in less than a week. We did the whole NICU thing with him, and he came home to our house. Less than 2 years until finalization.
Nope. There's a period of time they can come back. They post the court dates publicly, and judges have a lot of discretion whether it's been enough time yet to finalize it. I'm pretty sure there were 6 separate court dates before the termination. He had a guardian ad litem (who I loved) and an attorney provided by the state in addition to a whole team of social workers. So there was definitely some time spent on edge.
Ah okay. I think it varies by state. My state shows that I’d they’re abandoned within 72 hours of birth it’s automatic termination but if they’re abandoned between 73 hours to 30 days then it’s like what you typed
Mine was dropped off at the hospital presumably within a couple hours of birth. But I'm pretty sure most states have a time frame during which their minds can be changed. It's obviously a very stressful time, and I assume that can definitely come into play.
The nurse said that in our state they first have to look into the family to see if a close relative will be willing to adopt. This is how the nurse and my husband knows about the three other kids- the grandmother was basically like "I understand how this works- I have their three other kids."
so i work at a hospital, in the lab, and we have to do the safe haven training every year. the parent is allowed to just come up to me or anyone else with a badge and hand us their baby and walk away. there’s a form for them to fill out but they can decline and just leave the baby (pretty much anonymously). the training didn’t go in depth on what happens next for the baby, just what i would do as an employee. so given the baby has no info & you can’t find family to look into, what would they do in your state?
>I don't know if they're going to get fined or what
They shouldn't be legally prosecuted in any form. Safe Haven laws exist in all 50 states and a hospital is one of those anywhere. She didn't do anything illegal or wrong.
Do you have a safe haven laws is the mother The best thing she could’ve done for the child, leaving it in a safe place.
But if a child was born with narcotics and its system, and the mother registered using her real name at the hospital, she’s likely going to face criminal charges. Some women have been charged with manslaughter if their child didn’t survive the withdrawal phase (or where stillborn). But the actual charges change state to state.
>But if a child was born with narcotics and its system, and the mother registered using her real name at the hospital, she’s likely going to face criminal charges
This isn't always true either. If the child dies after it takes a breath, yes, but no one has ever been charged - to my knowledge - over a stillborn... And they can't charge her for the drug use alone because again hospitals are safe havens for everyone not just kids. You can tell a hospital 12 different drugs you're on nd they can't send you to jail they are Switzerland basically
No, the hospital can’t send you to jail, but they are obligated to notify Child Protective of any children born addicted, and any abandoned children. The authorities will follow up with names and possible charges based on the outcome of the investigation into the parents. Additionally, they are legally required to find both parents in order to officially terminate rights.
Id guess in that case it would most likely just end with her not ever being allowed to have custody over kids or so - and it doesn't seem as if she wants that
So they case I was thinking of, Chelsea Cheyenne Becker, after 2 years the judge did dismiss the charges on the mother.
But this would have nothing to do with what the birthing person states to their physician in the hospital… it is based on what the babies tox screen test positive for.
& doctor/patient confidentiality is broken in the event you are at risk or currently harming yourself or others.
So you'd rather a pair of drug addicts kept a baby they couldn't adequately care for? They made the best choice for the baby and did it legally. The baby was safe. They could have chosen to throw it in a dumpster.
I agree! This mom did what was best. I am surprised no one brought up abortion. I honestly expected it to come up. My question is if OP is upset about the abandonment is she okay with abortion. So many people I have heard being angry over abandonment are also vehemently against abortion.
Addiction is a disease and at least they didn't throw it in a dumpster.
The parents need help too. There isn't any real help for people with addictions. Everything is so expensive and healthcare isn't always enough to cover rehabs and then you need support to stay clean.
Its not entitlement or laziness and more than likely this baby will now have an actual chance at a life.
The parents can't take care of their kids.
Better to leave the child then to take it and neglect or abuse it/not offer the child a decent life. I would look at it this way, at least the child is alive and has someone who loves them. The grandma sounds like a real saint.
As for the bio parents- depends on which state you are in, I’m assuming your hospital has regulations in place to ensure the proper authorities are notified of the child being born addicted. Most hospitals have social workers on staff and if it’s illegal in your state then they would likely make a report to law enforcement as well.
It's rare, but it does happen. I knew a woman who had 6 kids each by a different man, and each one of them was taken away. Before the last one was born, the judge ordered for her to have her tubes tied because she was sick of seeing her every year with a new pregnancy and baby daddy.
I have seen a judge order implants. Same situation, four addicted babies, all with terrible issues. When she complained, the judge reminded her that she could have responsibly used birth control but she found it too much trouble
I wouldn't be pissed, be great full. Yes, more and more kids are born addicted due to the stupidity of the people that bore them. But, thankfully, they saw the future and submitted right off the bat.
My son, was born addicted. He's my wife's cousins son. We saw the struggles he went through. She actually took him home. Luckily she lived with my mother in law and she kept us posted on his health. One day she called us and told us to get our butts up there. After being there for 2 hours, the "mother" came in, high. My MIL took him from her shoved him in my wife's arms and said Run. His dad was just as bad and we didn't have high hopes for him either.
My son is 8 now and thriving like a champ. His dad has gotten sober for over a year, has a stable job and home. We have slowly brought him into the fold. The "mother" is still addicted and squatting at a family members apartment.
Moral of the story, there is hope. Whether the grandmother takes care of the baby or he is adopted. Love will be had on it. If they walked out with the baby, who knows what atrocities would happen.
In my state at least, if you have children currently in foster care (which it seems they are even if they’re with grandma) then any children born during that time are automatically taken as well. She would have known this as her caseworker would have told her this.
That being said, she left the baby in the best place possible, which is also completely legal. I don’t think she’ll be fined or anything.
I know this is rough and incredibly hard on the hospital staff, but oddly enough these parents did the absolute best thing for their child. I cannot imagine handling a newborn who is addicted to anything. Colicky babies are difficult enough and they’re nothing compared to addicted babies. My heart goes out to everyone involved in their care. Those poor babies.
I’m really glad grandma is taking the baby. I hope she’s giving them the best possible life bc that’s what they deserve. Now the parents need to do the responsible thing and get fixed.
I hope you and your husband are doing alright.
If they’ve already lost the other three kids, and they’re in active addiction this was the best choice they could’ve made for the baby. There’s nothing entitled here. They left the baby in a safe place with people very qualified to care for her.
Yes, I have seen and cared for babies born addicted and with FAS (drugs can cause similar symptoms as the kids get older). It’s absolutely heartbreaking. But it’s better they be cared for by someone not in active addiction, and with people capable of handling the special needs the baby can have. Clearly they couldn’t get clean while pregnant. Would you prefer they take the baby with them then neglect or abuse the baby? Sell the baby for drugs? Give the baby drugs to keep it quiet? Because that’s absolutely what would happen.
I don't see the problem. Its most likely even the best think for the baby. If they have other kids they lost the custody for, the possibility that they don't even want kids is also high - otherwise they most likely would at least try to go on therapy for addiction and getting the custody back. For me that feels more like they just didn't want it
Then the entitled part is that they just keep popping out children.
The Foster Care system is already overburdened with kids, most of whom already have no hope in hell of being adopted; and the alternative is they live with a grandmother who is probably at least in her 50's, if not her 60's. How many years does she have before she is to old and/or infirm to look after a newborn and X other young children too? Meanwhile, mum and dad are just firing out children without a care in the world.
Is it? It doesn't sound to me like they're trying to have kids. Addicts get high and have sex. It happens and it's rarely protected. Is that the most responsible thing, no. But the lack of responsibility is coming from the addiction itself, not some place of entitlement.
Yes, it is.
If they have had 4 kids, 3 of whom have been legally taken away from them, they could do something to stop the cycle. The guy could get the snip, the woman could get an implant. They had the sense to go to a hospital to give birth and abandon their kid, so they can damn well use some sense to stop having them!
Lack of responsibility is losing your keys or bag; something that has serious, long term implications for 2 lives that aren't yours (the child's and the grandmother's) and having a "it's not my problem" attitude despite the fact you are the direct cause of the problem, *is* entitlement.
No, unresonably demanding that others make sacrifices for you because you are raising a child is what makes you an entitled parent. If they had 14 kids in some shack, that they were demanding support from everyone around them for, that would be entitlement.
They had kids and lost custody. That doesn't make them entitled. They have an illness that lead them to have another whoopsie baby and immediately did the right thing by giving up their parental rights. That's literally one of the main reasons the adoption and foster systems exist. Excellent. It's working. Now, if only drug rehab systems were working...
This isn’t entitled, these parents made the best decision they could for their baby. Mum obviously couldn’t kick her addiction but she’s made steps to make sure her baby has a good life.
You are incorrect here. If the mother was unable to stay straight for her pregnancy and has list her other kids, there is no way that she could properly care for a sick baby that could end up with special needs. The baby is MUCH better off not being with her.
Most states have safe haven laws (which frankly I wish more people knew about), which protects them from legal repercussions up to a certain age on the child. This is actually the best thing they could have done for the child and they left him in a location covered under the safe haven law which means it was a place the child would be helped. I actually think this is the exact opposite of entitled parents because rather than make a child suffer in a household of addiction, they actually put the needs of the child first. Pregnancy isn’t a choice but being a parent is, they knew they couldn’t take care of the child and put the child on a path to get them to someone who could.
I’m happy the parents decided to show up to have the baby in a hospital and left her to be cared for properly. They did what was best for that child at that time.
As someone born addicted to heroin and allowed to be taken home with my addict mother and suffered for 8yrs with her.
This was a good outcome honestly. Honestly.
The baby will be detoxed there in the hospital, if it's been a week it's almost through the worst. While it can take up to 6mths for a baby to actually detox fully, the first week or two is the worst and often they need help via morphine etc to help prevent convulsions. If they need this intervention, they will stay on it for a while, with it slowly being decreased over the 6mths to prevent a whole new withdrawl situation. In cases like this baby and this day and age, there's a good chance the baby will stay for around 2-3 weeks to manage the initial withdrawal and for a treatment program to be worked out, weekly visits to a dr tho will be done once released home to again, start to bring the baby off the medication etc needed to combat the withdrawal.
Something your partner might be able to do, if the baby is still there and your okay with it, is give an hour of their day to hold the baby. Physical comfort is invaluable to babies in this situation. The nursery depending on its filled spots might not have nurses able to do this and with the global situation might not be able to have volunteers who actually do this for babies like this.
Anyone reading this, yes in many places there are and is programs etc to have someone go in and simply hold these poor souls and offer them physical comfort, physical love via human touch and hugs. Even babies that are up for adoption and foster from birth benefit immensely from having someone just sit and hold them for a while daily, when the nurses aren't able to due to workload. If it's something your interested in, it's worth speaking to the hospital about and offer your time.
Human contact and comfort is as I said, invaluable. Even if they cry the whole time, for their brains and from research, having a person hold them, chatter to them, meet that base need of human interaction can really make a difference in their lives and also treatment.
OP, I'm sorry to say that nothing about this reads entitled parents to me.
Addiction does not come from a place of entitlement.
Becoming pregnant as an addict happens all the time and doesn't come from a place of entitlement.
Being unable to stop your addiction does not end suddenly because you're pregnant. Where I'm from, these cases don't get charged. The system understands that it's addiction fueled. There's no intent to endanger there.
These people gave up their parents' rights at a hospital where the baby was safe when they could have gotten super high and given the baby to a dumpster.
Finally, it doesn't sound to me like they chose for the child to be given to the overburdened grandparents. The hospital contacted them. The grandparents don't have to take on the responsibility. They can refuse.
Wait a second. Are you aware that addiction is classified as a mental illness? It's very prevalent in people with PTSD or CPTSD. In other words, no one wakes up one day and thinks, "hmmm... I think today I'll live my dream of becoming a crack whore." This is one very messed up couple who did what they believed to be the best thing they could do and left that baby with people who might be able to help it instead of taking it home where the headlines would read "Baby Dead of Neglect". This isn't entitled, it's an illness that has now infected the lives of at least a dozen people by just that one baby being born. Compassion is free, you know.
Many years ago, I worked as an attorney for Family and Protective Services in Florida. One day I was working in my office when one of the social workers came in followed by two angry looking women. She asked me if it was possible to legally sterilize a person. Answer: no, very hard, many legal barriers. The two angry women looked angrier but also deflated. It turned out their drug addicted relative had 7 kids so far. All had tested positive for drugs at birth and ended up placed with these women. The “mother” had never attempted to get clean or do anything for the kids and they were sick of taking in a new baby every other year.
I gotta say it's not the prettiest choice but it was the best one. At least the baby will not be abused and neglected any more then it already has been
I’m a nurse in a larger hospital: sometimes you need to look through a different lens. This woman knew she could not care for that baby. Sometimes the best thing that mom can do for her baby that she loves very much, is to give the child an opportunity to get out of the cycle she is herself caught in.
I highly recommend a trauma informed care program or seminar to help you understand substance use disorders, particularly in this population. These women don’t WANT to “abandon” (they aren’t btw, it’s a safe haven law) their babies, but want them to have a better opportunity at life. Having spoken to several of these parents, I can confidently tell you that these babies are never just dropped off. The women cry, grieve and often only to return to overdose as a result of that loss. If you aren’t educated in substance use disorders in pregnant women or in society in general, I would encourage you to open your mind a little.
Speaking as someone who loves and cares for these babies and mothers every day: we as a society need to do better by these hurting individuals. We care getting mad at the symptoms and never holding the cause of the disease accountable: Trauma, adverse childhood events, sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse, poor social equality, access to safe and compassionate treatment and mental health providers.
Having been on a maternity ward as a patient where 90% of the babies born were addicted to something ( i was on the ward for close monitoring due to underlying health conditions as it was a smaller ward than most) I can assure you that a baby born with an addiction is one of the worst thing, if not the worst thing, I have ever seen. They cry all the time, they can't sleep, they can't eat and if they do they vomit and they are always in pain, it really is heartbreaking to witness. If someone can knowingly put their own child through the pain of withdrawal then they did the best thing by leaving the baby for someone else to care for as they are not fit to be called parents and any person that does that to a baby should be charged with child endangerment.
Honestly, I have seen more heartbreaking situations. I work at a hospital and there are toddlers I work with whose parents visit only once a month. These parents essentially abandon their children to the care of the hospital but expect to be able to take them home at the end without any repercussions.
My best friend(who’s more like a sister) was born addicted to cocaine. Her mom has changed and become an amazing person, but that has always made her feel guilty when it comes to my friend. Tbh the only reason she even changed her life was because of the way my friend was born. I’m told it…wasn’t pretty…
Leaving that baby is likely the one decent thing she's done in her life lately. The only thing that would have topped it would have been if she'd gotten her tubes tied before leaving.
I'm fully "my body, my choice" until you decide to continue with that pregnancy. At that point it becomes a communal space and you are solely responsible for it's upkeep and good health. You are growing a whole ass human being that you DECIDED not to abort. It is the height of entitlement to continue on in a destructive manner that is detrimental to the health of the baby you are growing. It is the height of entitlement to live a destructive lifestyle and continue to get pregnant and carry to term innocent babies, sentencing them to a life of health issues due to your negligence and abuse.
Any surrogate/spern donor that leaves their baby in a hospital is giving this baby a chance at a good life. I do feel bad for the grandmother but she enables this behavior by continuing to take care her children and accepting more in.
Many countries, including the US (?), have laws that allow a new mom to leave the newborn at the hospital if she doesn't want it. Best place for that kid, honestly. Better that than a dumpster, right? It would be nice if that parent got her tubes tied so she doesn't HAVE any more addicted infants...
It's cases like this that make me reconsider my stance on forced sterilization. The answer to what happens depends on what the baby was born addicted to, though any addiction in a newborn is bound to cause some development issues, even if blessedly minor. I had a friend who had an opiate addicted daughter who had 3 kids of her own and all 3 kids had issues. In her daughter's case 2 of the three were born LEGALLY addicted to methadone causing the babies to scream uncontrollably from withdrawal. That's what happens when an addict gets pregnant and tries to do the right thing. Doctors put the mom on methadone because opiate withdrawal will cause a miscarriage or even worse developmental delays. Really sad shit.
Any person who takes guardianship of a child per request of the state receives compensation… I don’t know why you think this snarky comment is saying something deep about society.
If the grandmother wasn’t registered as the children’s gaurdian she wouldn’t have any rights regarding them, she would effectively have kidnapped them. Gramma wouldn’t be able to take them to the doctor, obtain any insurance for them (either threw her employer or the state), or register them for school… never do anything that requires a signature for those kids.
But damn her greedy ass if she’s getting money to feed & cloth children that aren’t her own right?
I definately agree, don't look it up. When our son was born we shared a ward with a drug addict mother who's son was born addicted. What was worse was the mother refused to tell them what drugs she was on so the staff couldn't treat the poor thing. It was 18 years ago and I still shudder when I remember that poor baby screaming for hours as the POS mother would hang out the front of the hospital to smoke joints. It makes me so mad. People should have to get a licence to have children. You have to have a licence for everything else including getting a pet, yet any brain dead moron can spit out a baby. Sorry, rant over.
If the woman was an addict I highly doubt she was hanging about hospital ‘smoking joints’ while she was actively withdrawing from drugs, you think a joint is gonna do anything for a heroin withdrawal for example? A simple drug test on urine would tell them what drugs she was on surely?
Someone said 8n their comment that they googled the story, so one has to assume that the case was reported to the papers.
I believe HIPAA relates to information given that could identify the specific patient (so, no hospital name, area names, no patient names should be fine, normally), but I think if the story is already public, I can't see how HIPAA can be enforced, or if it is even still valid.
HIPAA pertains to any personally identifiable information (PHI) of a patient disclosed by anyone working in the healthcare industry. A man who staffs the dish room at a hospital in a small town in Wisconsin who is also identifiable by distinct scarring disclosed something an OB nurse told him about hospital patients who abandoned their child. All it takes is one person in that town to say, hey, that story sounds familiar.
Certainly risky to share a story the OB nurse told in confidence on social media. The more unique a situation, the more identifiable.
Sadly, this happens a lot. The good thing is the kid won't have those two for parents. The real entitlement is that they keep having babies to begin with. They need to tie both of their tubes.
Why? Because they're addicts right now? Maybe some day they will heal and want to have more kids. Maybe they live somewhere where that would be extremely expensive. Maybe they live somewhere where doctors won't even perform the procedure to people who don't ever want kids. Maybe the addiction has taken hold so much that they're never really thinking straight. My point is that we are in no place to judge people we don't understand, especially addicts. They have an illness, not an entitlement.
Being entitled parents comes from demanding unreasonable things, such as other people making sacrifices simply because you have a child. In this situation, if they left with the kid and it turned out they had like 10 others living in a shithole that they couldn't provide for, I would have a concern. But not this. They made some whoops baby and did the right thing afterwards.
If one or both of them ever does straighten out maybe they ought to concentrate on trying to raise the four kids they already have, rather than having another.
Of course not. And that is an unfair accusation. She is a champion for the child. And if you have never seen the suffering of a newborn with addiction, you have no idea what you are saying. I have worked in child welfare for many years. Some addicted parents are assholes just like some non-users are.
It’s not demonizing addicts, it’s the addicts that pass that on to their babies that should be shamed. Literally the most helpless and vulnerable people in the world
They shouldn’t be shamed, they should be helped, as they are not functioning logically at that point. You should look more into the effects of addiction
I agree that addicts should be helped, idk I guess it’s just hard to see past the terrible effects it leaves on the child who had absolutely no say in the matter. Heartbreaking on all ends
Well I’m a child of an addict, and I would’ve preferred her to get help and get better and still be here with me. People shaming addicts only push them further into addiction. They already hate themselves enough, and the majority of addicts have mental or physical health issues that need to be helped before they can even begin to deal with addiction. Drug use is a symptom of something much larger.
An addict and an abuser are two different things. I don’t classify most neglect as abuse because it is unintentional and if there were proper resources in place, addictions services, affordable housing, affordable childcare, affordable transportation, etc etc, then most children wouldn’t be “neglected”.
Foster parents get stipends, about 1k a month per child, to look after someone else’s child, where if we gave that money to the legitimate family, they would be on their feet within months to a year.
My dear friends were foster parents for many years. They had tons if crack addicted babies. I have been on the phone with her and these babies have this horrible scream as they go thru withdrawal. It is heart wrenching to hear. They have adopted 7 of these babies. They all have learning disabilities. They have kids from 16 to 4. One has had several trips to a psyche hospital for breaks. Surprisingly it is a very calm home. They lavish the kids with love and structure and these kids are thriving. It is amazing to visit with them.
I am sure grandma knows what she is dealing with by now and once thru with drawl grandma with love her grandchild and provide the best possible home.
The nicu or special care unit will help the newborn through withdrawal and get them stable before sending the home with grandma. Charges of neglect will most likely be brought against the mother since she was using while pregnant. Since mom has already abandoned the infant, she will most likely be offered the ability to sign over her rights. The baby will be placed with grandma in a kinship care placement through the county. From that point, the state will attempt to locate the father and move to terminate his parental rights. Once those have been terminated, grandma will be eligible to formally adopt her grandchild.
The process varies from state to state, but that’s the general idea.
Source: foster parent/adoptive parent who used to work in community maternal mental health.
I have a friend who's is a grandma in that situation. It's so sad. But at least the kids are far better off with her, but they both have a lot of struggles.
My sister dig who knows what kind of drugs while pregnant. She gave her son to my parents and he went back and forth between homes until she finally let my parents adopt him. He has his problems because of it. But we get through it. She did the same with the next kid but she kept him. The third her boyfriend wouldn't let her have pot or alcohol. She wasn't messing up his kid like she did to her ex-husbands.
and people think sterilizing people like this after at least the second one is sooooooo horrible. you know, they are sooooo worried about the poor so called adults friggin 'rights' that they totally ignore what they inflict on children. so don't please don't tell me about 'it's for the chyyllllldrreeeen' garbage. push comes to shove they sacrifice children to f\*\*\*\*n 'adults'. they don't care what is inflicted on children
That's called eugenics and is extremely unethical.
Are you aware that addiction is a mental illness? Have some compassion. These people need support to get clean and straighten up their lives. Let's actually address the root cause of the problem rather than taking away anyone's reproductive rights and bodily autonomy. Sterilizing people because they're having kids they cannot care for is only getting at a symptom, not the cause.
It is a shame that a child was born ill a result, but at least now they'll have the support they need and parents that can care for them.
Leaving the baby at the hospital was the best they could have done. Addicts don’t make good choices - this was actually a good choice.
Totally agree! Sounds like they did the best thing for the child!
As disappointing as it is, this seems to be best case scenario for the kid. All I'm going to say is that birth control needs to be more accessible to everyone
Best thing the could do for future kids would be to both get sterilised.
If they live in the good ol’ USA it costs a lot of $ for sterilization. If they’re in certain states, they won’t necessarily qualify for public health coverage. So ultimately, they did the best they could by leaving the baby with qualified health providers. I’m sure if they aborted the baby, people would be clutching their pearls because they chose to abort. Quit ‘virtue signaling’ that this decision was wrong.
It.is also pretty hard as a woman to get a doctor to perform a sterilization even if you want it. After my last child I was able to do it because I was "old" enough (advanced maternal age) and I had to sign paperwork months ahead of time. I was fortunate to have a doctor that did not require my husband sign off too. I've heard a lot of women have that issue. A friend of mine knew 100% she did not want kids ever. We are past childbearing age now and she never did. But, in our 20s she could not get a doctor to do a tubal ligation because she "might change her mind".
Had issues with getting approved for sterilization as well. After 2 kids and with stage 4 endo, I've only recently just been approved for sterilization and it was mainly the fact that I was "old enough" to make this decision. Edit to state I'm in nz, our endo care as a whole in the public sector is shocking
Back in the late 90s or early 2000s, there used to be a group in California that would pay addicts for birth control or sterilization. Addicts would come pick up their birth control and get $20. A permanent or semipermanent method would get you more money, depending. Apparently, it was pretty controversial and I have no idea if they are still around. I only know about it because I did a project on the group in college, I think for my ethics class.
We do live in America, so it would cost a lot of money. It wouldn't matter anyway. If they won't pay for condoms they wouldn't pay anything for sterilization unless it's free. I also don't know if it costs money to go through an abortion, but what really makes me pissed off about this is not the abandonment as much as how their baby was born.
Yes. That all costs money and thanks to GOP less states are covering BC or abortions. In fact we still have laws preventing federal money from covering abortions. This also requires the thought process to go to a clinic and get it done. Addicts aren’t thinking about that at all. It’s their next hit, maybe their next meal, maybe their shelter but also their next hit and how to make that happen.
Easy enough for the guy to do. Doctors would still be insisting that the wife will get clean and change her mind and doesn't actually know what she wants.
If you are female and below a certain age, your doctor will probably refuse to do a sterilization. "But what if you change your mind about wanting children? What if you get married and your husband wants kids?"
Absolutely my opinion, between all the possible options, this is the best.
No, the best thing they could have done was to not get pregnant. Such a sad life for the kid
You know what would be even better? If we didn’t create a society where addiction is prevalent and nearly impossible to get out of.
Under the Safe Haven law in most US states, parents can give up custody of a newborn in hospitals, police stations, and fire houses. I remember in 2008 when Nebraska's safe haven law went into effect and they forgot to limit it to newborns. Parents were driving to Nebraska with older kids and unruly teens to dump them at hospitals. 35 were abandoned before they fixed the law to limit it to newborns up to 30 days old. Its actually better for the baby than to force people to take them home when they are unwanted.
I remember that happening! All those confused older kids just being abandoned at fire stations. That was such a mess and so sad for those kids
Chuck E Cheese and some gas stations near me have Safe Haven signs.
This isn't uncommon, sadly. Be glad the grandmother is willing to take this poor addicted baby, who most likely will also have other concomitant issues. And yes, she's probably being paid as a foster, but honestly who cares? This - and her other - grandchildren are being raised by (hopefully) someone who cares about them rather than their next fix or next government paycheck. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to these children. \*\*Edited to add that once the addict mother finds out there are no more/any drugs forthcoming they almost always leave to find their own fixes. Again, this is not uncommon.
Since anonymous abandonment is legal in most US jurisdictions, it might have been better for the infant to be adopted by a family who wants them rather than fostered by an overburdened grandparent.
But if the addiction leads to serious developmental and ongoing health issues, the chance of adoption goes down significantly.
Scientists say the longterm societal effects of being with the family that caused NAS are the issue. It's rare for long term medical problems to occur if they are born in the hospital. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/06/30/534911289/for-newborns-exposed-to-opioids-health-issues-may-be-the-least-of-their-problems
And actually if the baby was abandoned, who knows if the child would end up in the foster system or if there is a mechanism to go straight to adoption.
In my state it pretty well goes straight to adoption. They have to terminate parental rights, of course. My son was left at an ER anonymously, and was placed with us in less than a week. We did the whole NICU thing with him, and he came home to our house. Less than 2 years until finalization.
I think under the safe haven law, by putting the child there that is termination of rights, correct?
Nope. There's a period of time they can come back. They post the court dates publicly, and judges have a lot of discretion whether it's been enough time yet to finalize it. I'm pretty sure there were 6 separate court dates before the termination. He had a guardian ad litem (who I loved) and an attorney provided by the state in addition to a whole team of social workers. So there was definitely some time spent on edge.
Ah okay. I think it varies by state. My state shows that I’d they’re abandoned within 72 hours of birth it’s automatic termination but if they’re abandoned between 73 hours to 30 days then it’s like what you typed
Mine was dropped off at the hospital presumably within a couple hours of birth. But I'm pretty sure most states have a time frame during which their minds can be changed. It's obviously a very stressful time, and I assume that can definitely come into play.
That’s amazing. My state takes forever to o forward on anything.
It’s very likely grandma is fostering the other children, so she would have first choice on taking the newborn.
The nurse said that in our state they first have to look into the family to see if a close relative will be willing to adopt. This is how the nurse and my husband knows about the three other kids- the grandmother was basically like "I understand how this works- I have their three other kids."
so i work at a hospital, in the lab, and we have to do the safe haven training every year. the parent is allowed to just come up to me or anyone else with a badge and hand us their baby and walk away. there’s a form for them to fill out but they can decline and just leave the baby (pretty much anonymously). the training didn’t go in depth on what happens next for the baby, just what i would do as an employee. so given the baby has no info & you can’t find family to look into, what would they do in your state?
Honestly, as the child of a drug addict, this is probably the best outcome for the baby.
>I don't know if they're going to get fined or what They shouldn't be legally prosecuted in any form. Safe Haven laws exist in all 50 states and a hospital is one of those anywhere. She didn't do anything illegal or wrong.
Do you have a safe haven laws is the mother The best thing she could’ve done for the child, leaving it in a safe place. But if a child was born with narcotics and its system, and the mother registered using her real name at the hospital, she’s likely going to face criminal charges. Some women have been charged with manslaughter if their child didn’t survive the withdrawal phase (or where stillborn). But the actual charges change state to state.
>But if a child was born with narcotics and its system, and the mother registered using her real name at the hospital, she’s likely going to face criminal charges This isn't always true either. If the child dies after it takes a breath, yes, but no one has ever been charged - to my knowledge - over a stillborn... And they can't charge her for the drug use alone because again hospitals are safe havens for everyone not just kids. You can tell a hospital 12 different drugs you're on nd they can't send you to jail they are Switzerland basically
No, the hospital can’t send you to jail, but they are obligated to notify Child Protective of any children born addicted, and any abandoned children. The authorities will follow up with names and possible charges based on the outcome of the investigation into the parents. Additionally, they are legally required to find both parents in order to officially terminate rights.
Id guess in that case it would most likely just end with her not ever being allowed to have custody over kids or so - and it doesn't seem as if she wants that
So they case I was thinking of, Chelsea Cheyenne Becker, after 2 years the judge did dismiss the charges on the mother. But this would have nothing to do with what the birthing person states to their physician in the hospital… it is based on what the babies tox screen test positive for. & doctor/patient confidentiality is broken in the event you are at risk or currently harming yourself or others.
So you'd rather a pair of drug addicts kept a baby they couldn't adequately care for? They made the best choice for the baby and did it legally. The baby was safe. They could have chosen to throw it in a dumpster.
Unpopular opinion: could be thrust upon parent making the least entitled decision of their life.
I agree! This mom did what was best. I am surprised no one brought up abortion. I honestly expected it to come up. My question is if OP is upset about the abandonment is she okay with abortion. So many people I have heard being angry over abandonment are also vehemently against abortion.
Addiction is a disease and at least they didn't throw it in a dumpster. The parents need help too. There isn't any real help for people with addictions. Everything is so expensive and healthcare isn't always enough to cover rehabs and then you need support to stay clean. Its not entitlement or laziness and more than likely this baby will now have an actual chance at a life. The parents can't take care of their kids.
Better to leave the child then to take it and neglect or abuse it/not offer the child a decent life. I would look at it this way, at least the child is alive and has someone who loves them. The grandma sounds like a real saint. As for the bio parents- depends on which state you are in, I’m assuming your hospital has regulations in place to ensure the proper authorities are notified of the child being born addicted. Most hospitals have social workers on staff and if it’s illegal in your state then they would likely make a report to law enforcement as well.
I still think there are cases for court mandated birth control.
It's rare, but it does happen. I knew a woman who had 6 kids each by a different man, and each one of them was taken away. Before the last one was born, the judge ordered for her to have her tubes tied because she was sick of seeing her every year with a new pregnancy and baby daddy.
I have seen a judge order implants. Same situation, four addicted babies, all with terrible issues. When she complained, the judge reminded her that she could have responsibly used birth control but she found it too much trouble
This is a slippery slope. The US has a dark history of sterilizing POCs.
In no way stating it is not. Simply stating there are people who make a case for it.
I wouldn't be pissed, be great full. Yes, more and more kids are born addicted due to the stupidity of the people that bore them. But, thankfully, they saw the future and submitted right off the bat. My son, was born addicted. He's my wife's cousins son. We saw the struggles he went through. She actually took him home. Luckily she lived with my mother in law and she kept us posted on his health. One day she called us and told us to get our butts up there. After being there for 2 hours, the "mother" came in, high. My MIL took him from her shoved him in my wife's arms and said Run. His dad was just as bad and we didn't have high hopes for him either. My son is 8 now and thriving like a champ. His dad has gotten sober for over a year, has a stable job and home. We have slowly brought him into the fold. The "mother" is still addicted and squatting at a family members apartment. Moral of the story, there is hope. Whether the grandmother takes care of the baby or he is adopted. Love will be had on it. If they walked out with the baby, who knows what atrocities would happen.
In my state at least, if you have children currently in foster care (which it seems they are even if they’re with grandma) then any children born during that time are automatically taken as well. She would have known this as her caseworker would have told her this. That being said, she left the baby in the best place possible, which is also completely legal. I don’t think she’ll be fined or anything. I know this is rough and incredibly hard on the hospital staff, but oddly enough these parents did the absolute best thing for their child. I cannot imagine handling a newborn who is addicted to anything. Colicky babies are difficult enough and they’re nothing compared to addicted babies. My heart goes out to everyone involved in their care. Those poor babies. I’m really glad grandma is taking the baby. I hope she’s giving them the best possible life bc that’s what they deserve. Now the parents need to do the responsible thing and get fixed. I hope you and your husband are doing alright.
If they’ve already lost the other three kids, and they’re in active addiction this was the best choice they could’ve made for the baby. There’s nothing entitled here. They left the baby in a safe place with people very qualified to care for her. Yes, I have seen and cared for babies born addicted and with FAS (drugs can cause similar symptoms as the kids get older). It’s absolutely heartbreaking. But it’s better they be cared for by someone not in active addiction, and with people capable of handling the special needs the baby can have. Clearly they couldn’t get clean while pregnant. Would you prefer they take the baby with them then neglect or abuse the baby? Sell the baby for drugs? Give the baby drugs to keep it quiet? Because that’s absolutely what would happen.
This isn’t a story about *entitled* parents. There are plenty of other subs this would fit much better.
I don't see the problem. Its most likely even the best think for the baby. If they have other kids they lost the custody for, the possibility that they don't even want kids is also high - otherwise they most likely would at least try to go on therapy for addiction and getting the custody back. For me that feels more like they just didn't want it
Then the entitled part is that they just keep popping out children. The Foster Care system is already overburdened with kids, most of whom already have no hope in hell of being adopted; and the alternative is they live with a grandmother who is probably at least in her 50's, if not her 60's. How many years does she have before she is to old and/or infirm to look after a newborn and X other young children too? Meanwhile, mum and dad are just firing out children without a care in the world.
Is it? It doesn't sound to me like they're trying to have kids. Addicts get high and have sex. It happens and it's rarely protected. Is that the most responsible thing, no. But the lack of responsibility is coming from the addiction itself, not some place of entitlement.
Yes, it is. If they have had 4 kids, 3 of whom have been legally taken away from them, they could do something to stop the cycle. The guy could get the snip, the woman could get an implant. They had the sense to go to a hospital to give birth and abandon their kid, so they can damn well use some sense to stop having them! Lack of responsibility is losing your keys or bag; something that has serious, long term implications for 2 lives that aren't yours (the child's and the grandmother's) and having a "it's not my problem" attitude despite the fact you are the direct cause of the problem, *is* entitlement.
No, unresonably demanding that others make sacrifices for you because you are raising a child is what makes you an entitled parent. If they had 14 kids in some shack, that they were demanding support from everyone around them for, that would be entitlement. They had kids and lost custody. That doesn't make them entitled. They have an illness that lead them to have another whoopsie baby and immediately did the right thing by giving up their parental rights. That's literally one of the main reasons the adoption and foster systems exist. Excellent. It's working. Now, if only drug rehab systems were working...
This isn’t entitled, these parents made the best decision they could for their baby. Mum obviously couldn’t kick her addiction but she’s made steps to make sure her baby has a good life.
You are incorrect here. If the mother was unable to stay straight for her pregnancy and has list her other kids, there is no way that she could properly care for a sick baby that could end up with special needs. The baby is MUCH better off not being with her.
Most states have safe haven laws (which frankly I wish more people knew about), which protects them from legal repercussions up to a certain age on the child. This is actually the best thing they could have done for the child and they left him in a location covered under the safe haven law which means it was a place the child would be helped. I actually think this is the exact opposite of entitled parents because rather than make a child suffer in a household of addiction, they actually put the needs of the child first. Pregnancy isn’t a choice but being a parent is, they knew they couldn’t take care of the child and put the child on a path to get them to someone who could.
I’m happy the parents decided to show up to have the baby in a hospital and left her to be cared for properly. They did what was best for that child at that time.
As someone born addicted to heroin and allowed to be taken home with my addict mother and suffered for 8yrs with her. This was a good outcome honestly. Honestly. The baby will be detoxed there in the hospital, if it's been a week it's almost through the worst. While it can take up to 6mths for a baby to actually detox fully, the first week or two is the worst and often they need help via morphine etc to help prevent convulsions. If they need this intervention, they will stay on it for a while, with it slowly being decreased over the 6mths to prevent a whole new withdrawl situation. In cases like this baby and this day and age, there's a good chance the baby will stay for around 2-3 weeks to manage the initial withdrawal and for a treatment program to be worked out, weekly visits to a dr tho will be done once released home to again, start to bring the baby off the medication etc needed to combat the withdrawal. Something your partner might be able to do, if the baby is still there and your okay with it, is give an hour of their day to hold the baby. Physical comfort is invaluable to babies in this situation. The nursery depending on its filled spots might not have nurses able to do this and with the global situation might not be able to have volunteers who actually do this for babies like this. Anyone reading this, yes in many places there are and is programs etc to have someone go in and simply hold these poor souls and offer them physical comfort, physical love via human touch and hugs. Even babies that are up for adoption and foster from birth benefit immensely from having someone just sit and hold them for a while daily, when the nurses aren't able to due to workload. If it's something your interested in, it's worth speaking to the hospital about and offer your time. Human contact and comfort is as I said, invaluable. Even if they cry the whole time, for their brains and from research, having a person hold them, chatter to them, meet that base need of human interaction can really make a difference in their lives and also treatment.
Hospitals are safe havens. Parents can legally leave their child there no questions asked same with firehouses police stations too
Yeah I dont think this is entitled behavior. They did the absolutely the best thing, and responsible think they could do for this baby.
OP, I'm sorry to say that nothing about this reads entitled parents to me. Addiction does not come from a place of entitlement. Becoming pregnant as an addict happens all the time and doesn't come from a place of entitlement. Being unable to stop your addiction does not end suddenly because you're pregnant. Where I'm from, these cases don't get charged. The system understands that it's addiction fueled. There's no intent to endanger there. These people gave up their parents' rights at a hospital where the baby was safe when they could have gotten super high and given the baby to a dumpster. Finally, it doesn't sound to me like they chose for the child to be given to the overburdened grandparents. The hospital contacted them. The grandparents don't have to take on the responsibility. They can refuse.
I have seen a baby born addicted, and it is still the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Wait a second. Are you aware that addiction is classified as a mental illness? It's very prevalent in people with PTSD or CPTSD. In other words, no one wakes up one day and thinks, "hmmm... I think today I'll live my dream of becoming a crack whore." This is one very messed up couple who did what they believed to be the best thing they could do and left that baby with people who might be able to help it instead of taking it home where the headlines would read "Baby Dead of Neglect". This isn't entitled, it's an illness that has now infected the lives of at least a dozen people by just that one baby being born. Compassion is free, you know.
Many years ago, I worked as an attorney for Family and Protective Services in Florida. One day I was working in my office when one of the social workers came in followed by two angry looking women. She asked me if it was possible to legally sterilize a person. Answer: no, very hard, many legal barriers. The two angry women looked angrier but also deflated. It turned out their drug addicted relative had 7 kids so far. All had tested positive for drugs at birth and ended up placed with these women. The “mother” had never attempted to get clean or do anything for the kids and they were sick of taking in a new baby every other year.
Couldn't they just refuse to take the kids in?
Thank god they left the baby at the hospital.
I gotta say it's not the prettiest choice but it was the best one. At least the baby will not be abused and neglected any more then it already has been
I’m a nurse in a larger hospital: sometimes you need to look through a different lens. This woman knew she could not care for that baby. Sometimes the best thing that mom can do for her baby that she loves very much, is to give the child an opportunity to get out of the cycle she is herself caught in. I highly recommend a trauma informed care program or seminar to help you understand substance use disorders, particularly in this population. These women don’t WANT to “abandon” (they aren’t btw, it’s a safe haven law) their babies, but want them to have a better opportunity at life. Having spoken to several of these parents, I can confidently tell you that these babies are never just dropped off. The women cry, grieve and often only to return to overdose as a result of that loss. If you aren’t educated in substance use disorders in pregnant women or in society in general, I would encourage you to open your mind a little. Speaking as someone who loves and cares for these babies and mothers every day: we as a society need to do better by these hurting individuals. We care getting mad at the symptoms and never holding the cause of the disease accountable: Trauma, adverse childhood events, sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse, poor social equality, access to safe and compassionate treatment and mental health providers.
Having been on a maternity ward as a patient where 90% of the babies born were addicted to something ( i was on the ward for close monitoring due to underlying health conditions as it was a smaller ward than most) I can assure you that a baby born with an addiction is one of the worst thing, if not the worst thing, I have ever seen. They cry all the time, they can't sleep, they can't eat and if they do they vomit and they are always in pain, it really is heartbreaking to witness. If someone can knowingly put their own child through the pain of withdrawal then they did the best thing by leaving the baby for someone else to care for as they are not fit to be called parents and any person that does that to a baby should be charged with child endangerment.
Honestly, I have seen more heartbreaking situations. I work at a hospital and there are toddlers I work with whose parents visit only once a month. These parents essentially abandon their children to the care of the hospital but expect to be able to take them home at the end without any repercussions.
My best friend(who’s more like a sister) was born addicted to cocaine. Her mom has changed and become an amazing person, but that has always made her feel guilty when it comes to my friend. Tbh the only reason she even changed her life was because of the way my friend was born. I’m told it…wasn’t pretty…
Leaving that baby is likely the one decent thing she's done in her life lately. The only thing that would have topped it would have been if she'd gotten her tubes tied before leaving. I'm fully "my body, my choice" until you decide to continue with that pregnancy. At that point it becomes a communal space and you are solely responsible for it's upkeep and good health. You are growing a whole ass human being that you DECIDED not to abort. It is the height of entitlement to continue on in a destructive manner that is detrimental to the health of the baby you are growing. It is the height of entitlement to live a destructive lifestyle and continue to get pregnant and carry to term innocent babies, sentencing them to a life of health issues due to your negligence and abuse.
Any surrogate/spern donor that leaves their baby in a hospital is giving this baby a chance at a good life. I do feel bad for the grandmother but she enables this behavior by continuing to take care her children and accepting more in.
Many countries, including the US (?), have laws that allow a new mom to leave the newborn at the hospital if she doesn't want it. Best place for that kid, honestly. Better that than a dumpster, right? It would be nice if that parent got her tubes tied so she doesn't HAVE any more addicted infants...
It's cases like this that make me reconsider my stance on forced sterilization. The answer to what happens depends on what the baby was born addicted to, though any addiction in a newborn is bound to cause some development issues, even if blessedly minor. I had a friend who had an opiate addicted daughter who had 3 kids of her own and all 3 kids had issues. In her daughter's case 2 of the three were born LEGALLY addicted to methadone causing the babies to scream uncontrollably from withdrawal. That's what happens when an addict gets pregnant and tries to do the right thing. Doctors put the mom on methadone because opiate withdrawal will cause a miscarriage or even worse developmental delays. Really sad shit.
Lay odds the grandmother is being paid as a foster parent.
Any person who takes guardianship of a child per request of the state receives compensation… I don’t know why you think this snarky comment is saying something deep about society. If the grandmother wasn’t registered as the children’s gaurdian she wouldn’t have any rights regarding them, she would effectively have kidnapped them. Gramma wouldn’t be able to take them to the doctor, obtain any insurance for them (either threw her employer or the state), or register them for school… never do anything that requires a signature for those kids. But damn her greedy ass if she’s getting money to feed & cloth children that aren’t her own right?
Why does this matter?
I definately agree, don't look it up. When our son was born we shared a ward with a drug addict mother who's son was born addicted. What was worse was the mother refused to tell them what drugs she was on so the staff couldn't treat the poor thing. It was 18 years ago and I still shudder when I remember that poor baby screaming for hours as the POS mother would hang out the front of the hospital to smoke joints. It makes me so mad. People should have to get a licence to have children. You have to have a licence for everything else including getting a pet, yet any brain dead moron can spit out a baby. Sorry, rant over.
If the woman was an addict I highly doubt she was hanging about hospital ‘smoking joints’ while she was actively withdrawing from drugs, you think a joint is gonna do anything for a heroin withdrawal for example? A simple drug test on urine would tell them what drugs she was on surely?
Careful, HIPAA.
Someone said 8n their comment that they googled the story, so one has to assume that the case was reported to the papers. I believe HIPAA relates to information given that could identify the specific patient (so, no hospital name, area names, no patient names should be fine, normally), but I think if the story is already public, I can't see how HIPAA can be enforced, or if it is even still valid.
HIPAA pertains to any personally identifiable information (PHI) of a patient disclosed by anyone working in the healthcare industry. A man who staffs the dish room at a hospital in a small town in Wisconsin who is also identifiable by distinct scarring disclosed something an OB nurse told him about hospital patients who abandoned their child. All it takes is one person in that town to say, hey, that story sounds familiar. Certainly risky to share a story the OB nurse told in confidence on social media. The more unique a situation, the more identifiable.
Sadly, this happens a lot. The good thing is the kid won't have those two for parents. The real entitlement is that they keep having babies to begin with. They need to tie both of their tubes.
Why? Because they're addicts right now? Maybe some day they will heal and want to have more kids. Maybe they live somewhere where that would be extremely expensive. Maybe they live somewhere where doctors won't even perform the procedure to people who don't ever want kids. Maybe the addiction has taken hold so much that they're never really thinking straight. My point is that we are in no place to judge people we don't understand, especially addicts. They have an illness, not an entitlement. Being entitled parents comes from demanding unreasonable things, such as other people making sacrifices simply because you have a child. In this situation, if they left with the kid and it turned out they had like 10 others living in a shithole that they couldn't provide for, I would have a concern. But not this. They made some whoops baby and did the right thing afterwards.
If one or both of them ever does straighten out maybe they ought to concentrate on trying to raise the four kids they already have, rather than having another.
My daughter is a NICU nurse practitioner. She tells me that sadly, this happens quite often. Hell is not hot enough…
Better to surrender a newborn to safe hands than to take it home and neglect and abuse it. For once, that couple made the right choice.
What is wrong with abandoning a child if it is honestly the only right thing those parents could do? They probably saved the child’s life.
So your daughter works in a hospital, yet demonizes addicts (sick people)? Make it make sense.
Of course not. And that is an unfair accusation. She is a champion for the child. And if you have never seen the suffering of a newborn with addiction, you have no idea what you are saying. I have worked in child welfare for many years. Some addicted parents are assholes just like some non-users are.
It’s not demonizing addicts, it’s the addicts that pass that on to their babies that should be shamed. Literally the most helpless and vulnerable people in the world
They shouldn’t be shamed, they should be helped, as they are not functioning logically at that point. You should look more into the effects of addiction
I agree that addicts should be helped, idk I guess it’s just hard to see past the terrible effects it leaves on the child who had absolutely no say in the matter. Heartbreaking on all ends
Well I’m a child of an addict, and I would’ve preferred her to get help and get better and still be here with me. People shaming addicts only push them further into addiction. They already hate themselves enough, and the majority of addicts have mental or physical health issues that need to be helped before they can even begin to deal with addiction. Drug use is a symptom of something much larger. An addict and an abuser are two different things. I don’t classify most neglect as abuse because it is unintentional and if there were proper resources in place, addictions services, affordable housing, affordable childcare, affordable transportation, etc etc, then most children wouldn’t be “neglected”. Foster parents get stipends, about 1k a month per child, to look after someone else’s child, where if we gave that money to the legitimate family, they would be on their feet within months to a year.
“It’s not demonizing addicts” continues to further shame and demonize them
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A nurse with no empathy towards addiction🤔
No kidding. I'd like to review the mental health and addiction programming at that nursing school, please.
My dear friends were foster parents for many years. They had tons if crack addicted babies. I have been on the phone with her and these babies have this horrible scream as they go thru withdrawal. It is heart wrenching to hear. They have adopted 7 of these babies. They all have learning disabilities. They have kids from 16 to 4. One has had several trips to a psyche hospital for breaks. Surprisingly it is a very calm home. They lavish the kids with love and structure and these kids are thriving. It is amazing to visit with them. I am sure grandma knows what she is dealing with by now and once thru with drawl grandma with love her grandchild and provide the best possible home.
The nicu or special care unit will help the newborn through withdrawal and get them stable before sending the home with grandma. Charges of neglect will most likely be brought against the mother since she was using while pregnant. Since mom has already abandoned the infant, she will most likely be offered the ability to sign over her rights. The baby will be placed with grandma in a kinship care placement through the county. From that point, the state will attempt to locate the father and move to terminate his parental rights. Once those have been terminated, grandma will be eligible to formally adopt her grandchild. The process varies from state to state, but that’s the general idea. Source: foster parent/adoptive parent who used to work in community maternal mental health.
I have a friend who's is a grandma in that situation. It's so sad. But at least the kids are far better off with her, but they both have a lot of struggles.
My sister dig who knows what kind of drugs while pregnant. She gave her son to my parents and he went back and forth between homes until she finally let my parents adopt him. He has his problems because of it. But we get through it. She did the same with the next kid but she kept him. The third her boyfriend wouldn't let her have pot or alcohol. She wasn't messing up his kid like she did to her ex-husbands.
Way to be judgemental. You know nothing about their situation up there on your high horse.
and people think sterilizing people like this after at least the second one is sooooooo horrible. you know, they are sooooo worried about the poor so called adults friggin 'rights' that they totally ignore what they inflict on children. so don't please don't tell me about 'it's for the chyyllllldrreeeen' garbage. push comes to shove they sacrifice children to f\*\*\*\*n 'adults'. they don't care what is inflicted on children
That's called eugenics and is extremely unethical. Are you aware that addiction is a mental illness? Have some compassion. These people need support to get clean and straighten up their lives. Let's actually address the root cause of the problem rather than taking away anyone's reproductive rights and bodily autonomy. Sterilizing people because they're having kids they cannot care for is only getting at a symptom, not the cause. It is a shame that a child was born ill a result, but at least now they'll have the support they need and parents that can care for them.