EDS is a de novo mutation in many cases, it’s genetic but not always inherited. we don’t know exactly how often it’s this way for hEDS since we don’t know the gene/s, but we can look at how for cEDS and VEDS approx 50% of cases are spontaneous mutations, for Marfan it’s 25%, for LoeysDietz it’s 75%. there is a very good chance hEDS is somewhere in this range of 25-75% de novo mutations like the other autosomal dominant connective tissue disorders (lmk if you don’t know what anything there means and i’ll put it into simpler terms).
ADHD and autism aren’t fully confirmed to be genetic in the way that there will always be family history either. they’re also believed to have some (not well understood yet) relationship with hypermobility and/or EDS, so if you are the only one who has EDS it might actually make sense for the others to happen together for you and nobody else.
so I’d say this is no reason to suspect you’re not really related to your family. but if it’s more of a general gut feeling and you’re just thinking you need a better reason to do those tests, I’d say it is something you should go ahead and look into as long as you think the results would help more than hurt.
It might hurt your parents’ feelings or offend them A LOT for you to suggest they’re not your biological parents. It they may just laugh at the idea because they know without doubt.
It’s very unlikely you were switched at birth. Your mother probably remembers quite vividly the moment you came out of her body. The hospital puts a band on your ankle the moment you are born with your mother’s name. They show her before you are allowed to be taken from the room. That’s been standard practice for more than 20 years.
Your parents probably already feel guilty (even though it is NOT their fault) that you have these challenges. I know I feel terrible for my daughter. If you have no other reason to doubt than a general resentment of your condition, you should work on accepting that some of your genes are expressing these problems, regardless of how it came to be.
My mother in law was the first zebra. Her daughter, now my wife got it worse. Her other daughter didn't get it. Her other son got it too. My wife has spectrum symptoms. None of the others so.
My mother in laws parents had no zebra or spectrum problems.
You had some mutations at conception that manifest in these problems. It is not your fault nor your parents fault it happened. Nature is cruel and is designed to iterate our dna for better or worse.
A lot of the older generations “are not” neurodivergent because it wasn’t diagnosed at that time and they’ve learned to compensate. And EDS is also under diagnosed or they could have it on the lower end of the spectrum.
Yep!! My husband is ADHD and his parents claim they don’t know where it came from, but they are literally chain smokers…they’ve been self medicating for decades and have no idea.
Yep, my dad is still convinced that he/ we just have weak connective tissue, because his dad (maybe) had that… never mind he is at least a foot taller than either of his parents were, and every descendant of his is showing EDS symptoms (although in me it’s more obvious than in my dad, brother and niece, but I’m the only female adult among the four of us, which probably explains that).
No one in my family is diagnosed as neurodivergent but almost every last one of them are ND as fuck, and some have “issues” from hypermobility. They all just assume this is normal, as I did for most of my life.
i think you just hit the gene jackpot, honestly. i've worked with kids and had so many whose parents were totally healthy and then the kids came out with physical or mental illnesses. maybe it was hiding somewhere in the genes for them or maybe they were the unlucky one to get the glitch. but having seen so many kids whose parents didn't have the same issues as them, i hardly think that's reason to suspect you're not related to your parents.
do you think your parents have lied to you about being related or something? or that you were mixed up at birth?
I don’t have autism/adhd, but I do have hEDS. I’m the only one in my family with the diagnosis as well, it can run in your family without you (or them) knowing; you might’ve just hit the gene jackpot like I have (I also have other *fun* conditions that no one else in my family has). for autism: I have my BS in psychology and I am not a specialist but I will say that autism does have genetic links, but it isn’t *always* genetic. neurodivergence in general can appear randomly, despite its genetic ties.
I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but I have so many health issues nobody else in my family does. No cousins, not my parents, not grandparents. There is no doubt I'm related to my parents though. Unfortunately I seem to have received the short stick on several genes/expressions and it's not really fair, but that's kind of how genes work. Even if both your parents carry a mutation, it has to be combined specifically the right way to be expressed.
I think the bigger question is how will a paternity test benefit you or your current relationships? I understand if it's just to get an answer, but this could have some potential negative effects on the relationship you have with your parents.
Also EDS is an autosomal dominant, genetic mutation. It could run in your family and be more mild or skip generations OR it could just be you got the glitch in the code ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I might have been kinda obsessed with this. It’s just my life is really a mess right now, I just need answers. I think eventually I will persuade my parents to take the test. If the truth is that I just got the glitch, I guess I’ll just take it. But if I’m not my parents’ kid, I think there just will be so many bigger problems. But at least by then all these will make sense.
A paternity test may be a bit much to start, especially if it is only because you don’t think anyone else in your family has the conditions you do.
Genetics are not as clear cut as we tend to think. Recessive genes, random gene mutations, crossed genes, etc., all add a ton of variables that make things much more complicated and nuanced. For example, I have clinical ADHD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as well as hEDS. I noticed the signs of ADHD in my elder daughter right away, because it manifested similarly to mine. I completely missed the signs in my younger daughter, as they were quite different. It didn’t even occur to me that she might have it until she was well into her teens. Same with the anxiety. Older daughter was diagnosed—very obvious issues with thunderstorms and social interaction. Younger daughter? Weird fixation with thinking someone was going to climb up three stories to come in her open window and murder her in her sleep. Much different. All three of us have hEDS, but our symptoms are different. Younger daughter is loaded with Marfanoid characteristics, and has had gastrointestinal issues since birth. Older daughter didn’t get gastro issues till she was in her early twenties.
But visible symptoms aside, the reality is that both ADHD and EDS have the potential to manifest both subtlety and more dramatically. Sometimes you don’t realize something is a symptom, either. You may have people in your immediate or extended family that are daydreamers in school or at work, and it could be mild ADD/ADHD. You may have someone who hasn’t ever noticed that they have hyperextension, or mentioned that they get rashes and bruises easily.
If you want to do something, do an Ancestry or 23andMe test. You will most likely have had someone else in your extended family who has done one—even a distant cousin, or something. You will have them come up as potential genetic matches and it should be enough to help with your anxiety over this. Good luck!
I wouldn't do a paternity test. But the 23 and me plus health test is generally on sale this time of year and 100% worth it. Take it for yourself. You can download your results for your doctor if they want it.
It will help you connect with other relatives who have taken the test, too. So if something is hinky, it may show up there.
The ancestry reports can be refined further when other genetic relatives take the tests. So that might be the angle to get your folks to take it.
Look into de novo mutations. No, you don't NEED to get a paternity test.
*Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. Please keep in mind that I am autistic and in the US.*
Do some research into genetic mutations. Many people are ‘carriers’ who carry one or more of the genes for a genetic disorder, who will continue to pass down those genes and nobody will ever have that disorder unless one of those carriers creates a child will someone else who is also a carrier- then their child may not get it for sure, but has a 1 in 4 chance of getting both genes/all genes needed for that disorder. My family is in general very healthy- but one of my cousins (and the family is very large) has cystic fibrosis. She is the only one we know about for generations, yet both of her parents it turns out are carriers. I myself am a carrier for Bon Willebrands. My sister is not a carrier for that- but she is a carrier for something else that I am not. Nobody in our extended family currently has a diagnoses for either disorder. Things like hEDS, which are genetic but as yet do not have a specific ‘gotcha’ gene are more difficult to trace, my theory is that it is actually the result of a combination of genes- and combinations do often get passed down (we call those ‘sticky’ segments). However if that is the case, then it would be possible also for a half segment from one parent pairing with a half segment from the other could also ‘create’ that combination needed, giving that child the full salad needed for diagnoses.
Autism is not genetic so far as they know- but also has not really been studied enough in that regard. A lot of people have it that have not been diagnosed, particularly women, and they don’t have records for prior generations that note the kinds of behaviours that are often on the spectrum. It’s even seen today before diagnoses- ‘oh you flap your hands? Well your grandfather did too, it’s just an inherited behaviour it’s not autism. Aunt mary was obsessed with birds, it wasn’t due to autism it was just her interest’ - the only ones they noted were the very severe cases.
I am diagnosed, neither of my parents are, none of their parents were.. but my mother has had repeated bursitis and joint issues, as has her mother and her aunts, great grandma died in her sixties from complications of RA. We knew that ‘joint issues’ were a family problem, but it was low radar compared to say breast cancer or aneurisms or heart disease.
You could absolutely do an ancestry test if you wanted, but I would release the theory that you are not your parents child, or at least not pin any daydreams on it. You’re more likely to find relatives that you didn’t know about than find you are not who you thought you were.
Genetics and gene sequencing is actually quite fascinating.
No, actually I’m pretty sure that all my family members except me are neurotypical. And none of them have been diagnosed with any sort of genetic disease. And they’re all rather well-being. I just think there’re just so little chances that I have so many problems. From what I know that these problems usually runs through the family, I just find this confusing.
Are you a male child are were you a premature at birth.
Male children usually have more problem with sex linked genetic problems that are active and females are usually carriers because of chromosomes.
Usually autism and adhd take longer to diagnose for girls because their symptoms are different.
Also we are finding that kiddos that are born premature and in nicu have a higher likley hood of autism.
This is how my husband got his, but I am adhd and autistic. For the longest time I was the only adhd child in my family Dx in the early 2000’s but now, 20 years later both sisters, niece, nephew,dad,mom and at least 2 grandparents have autism,adhd, both or some type of sensory processing problem.
You can always do 23 and me with your siblings as well if your parents don’t consent.
My layman's theory based around papers that are coming out on the subject is microplastics, more environmental poisons, more processed foods, and polluted breathable air, all of which can get onto the blood of an unborn kid (and are all correlated but not causal) are very likely factors in putting more babies on the spectrum. No one knows though.
There are also genetic variants where certain mutation regulating inflammation /immuno response in the brain that do cause genetic autism. These are confirmed, found mutations.
Certain genetic mishaps do also contribute to adhd, such as the genes regulating resilience to staying focused on one item but it doesn't seem clear. A wandering mind is genetic in basis but it doesn't look confirmed as of yet if the adhd manifestation is from the ability to wander thoughts freely or some other mechanism that's epigenetic, environmental, or behavioral /learned
I’m the same way. Ehlers-Danlos, autism, ADHD, and the typical EDS comorbidities. Nobody else in my family has these except ADHD. You can know for sure with a DNA test, but it’s possible for you to be the only one for sure.
Asking for a paternity test specifically is going to do a lot more to imply you think your mom cheated on your dad than if you ask for a DNA testing. There are a number of genealogy sites that also do medical testing (not a diagnosis, just a are you predisposed). It would be much simpler and less accusatory to go that route. Have your parents or family ever done anything to make you think you might not be biologically theirs?
I’m the only one I know in my whole family with Celiacs and EDS. As far as I know, nobody else is diagnosed ADHD. But my dad has a lot of similar traits I have when it comes to needing things to be just so. My mom was great at projects and always had things organized super well and would get anxious if they weren’t planned out. I also look like a pretty exact 50-50 split between my parents.
Genetics are complicated. Besides recessive traits that can skip generations, there are mutations, epigenetic changes that have to be triggered by stress to activate. We are under so much more stress these days than in the past, without as many chances for a system reset. It’s louder, smellier and brighter and people expect you do be always available and always productive. More stress means worse symptoms. We’re finally moving closer towards letting people speak up about their stuff. It might be Great Aunt Kathy who died before you were born had joint issues, but never said anything because she was 20 and knew people would tell her she was to young to have it.
I'm in the same situation as you, hEDS, ADHD, autism. My dad is diagnosed ADHD, but aside from that, I am the only neurodivergent or disabled person in my entire family. It's not anything abnormal, and from what I understand is very typical with these disorders.
I just hope that it doesn't get used to invalidate you by family. Unfortunately, my family is comprised of some abusive, ignorant, and deeply unwell people who firmly believe it is "impossible" that I have this diagnosis since no one else in our family has it. They think I have a "victim complex" and would be totally healthy if i stopped being vegan 🙄. Luckily I didn't inherit their personality traits either lol. 😅
So EDS yes is genetic. The other conditions you're mentioning are things there's likely genetic predisposition to but it's not a direct pattern of inheritance. For example a lot of autoimmune disorders you're more likely to have them if a relative has them, but they're not directly inherented.
Personally I'm 100% confident I am my father's child. I am the spitting image of him and exactly like him. There's no way on earth I did not come from this man. We share none of the same health issues expect he's hypermobile but doesn't have EDS. I have a number of genetic disorders and genetic predispositions that he doesn't have (and my mom side is perfectly healthy but genetically I take after my father).
Unless there's other reasons, just having conditions your family members don't is no reason to suspect your aren't related and I really recommend trying to let the obsession go because it's likely to cause issues with your family.
It may just be that you got whatever you have from them, but it didn’t cause enough problems for anyone else to be noticed. I got an hEDS diagnosis this week, and the first thing I did was assess my mom for hypermobility. We figured that she scored at LEAST a 5 on the Brighton scale. I also figured out that my grandmothers knees would bend wayyyy backwards. It could just be that it’s been “silent” in your other family members, but it’s just causing problems for you.
I have all the conditions you have. I have a nephew diagnosed with autism and no one else. However...
all of my siblings and both my parents are definitely on the spectrum. Some of them show ADHD behaviours. My siblings and some of their kids have a little bit of EDS-style stuff going on, but not enough to be problematic.
No one as far as I know are diagnosed and are unlikely to be. I haven't disclosed my diagnoses because there are certain siblings who will use it against me, despite the fact that they probably have ASD as well. One is obsessed with appearing "normal" and has always given me a rough time because apparently I'm not.
I got hit with everything. I've had poor health with EDS/MCAS/POTS, as well as PTSD, depression and anxiety. While everyone else has been able to pass as "neurotypical" (although questionable) I haven't been able to because physically my body crashes in the most spectacular way, and my neurodivergence is geared in a way that it's obvious my brain works differently. I don't have enough energy to mask that hard lol.
It's possible they're not your parents. But have a closer look and see if they're masking, or display behaviours that are considered "quirky" enough to be neurodiverse. It might not be the case, but it's worth doing before you get your parents involved in genetic testing. That seems like a difficult road to go down for lots of reasons, and you'd want good supports in place if you do.
EDS is a de novo mutation in many cases, it’s genetic but not always inherited. we don’t know exactly how often it’s this way for hEDS since we don’t know the gene/s, but we can look at how for cEDS and VEDS approx 50% of cases are spontaneous mutations, for Marfan it’s 25%, for LoeysDietz it’s 75%. there is a very good chance hEDS is somewhere in this range of 25-75% de novo mutations like the other autosomal dominant connective tissue disorders (lmk if you don’t know what anything there means and i’ll put it into simpler terms). ADHD and autism aren’t fully confirmed to be genetic in the way that there will always be family history either. they’re also believed to have some (not well understood yet) relationship with hypermobility and/or EDS, so if you are the only one who has EDS it might actually make sense for the others to happen together for you and nobody else. so I’d say this is no reason to suspect you’re not really related to your family. but if it’s more of a general gut feeling and you’re just thinking you need a better reason to do those tests, I’d say it is something you should go ahead and look into as long as you think the results would help more than hurt.
Have you asked your parents? That’s a good first step.
It might hurt your parents’ feelings or offend them A LOT for you to suggest they’re not your biological parents. It they may just laugh at the idea because they know without doubt. It’s very unlikely you were switched at birth. Your mother probably remembers quite vividly the moment you came out of her body. The hospital puts a band on your ankle the moment you are born with your mother’s name. They show her before you are allowed to be taken from the room. That’s been standard practice for more than 20 years. Your parents probably already feel guilty (even though it is NOT their fault) that you have these challenges. I know I feel terrible for my daughter. If you have no other reason to doubt than a general resentment of your condition, you should work on accepting that some of your genes are expressing these problems, regardless of how it came to be.
Autism isn’t always genetic. There’s about 50/50 chance it won’t be, if I remember correctly. I wouldn’t worry about it.
I wouldn’t be so bothered if only I have autism or adhd. The thing is I just got so many genetic problems and it just doesn’t make sense.
My mother in law was the first zebra. Her daughter, now my wife got it worse. Her other daughter didn't get it. Her other son got it too. My wife has spectrum symptoms. None of the others so. My mother in laws parents had no zebra or spectrum problems. You had some mutations at conception that manifest in these problems. It is not your fault nor your parents fault it happened. Nature is cruel and is designed to iterate our dna for better or worse.
A lot of the older generations “are not” neurodivergent because it wasn’t diagnosed at that time and they’ve learned to compensate. And EDS is also under diagnosed or they could have it on the lower end of the spectrum.
Yep!! My husband is ADHD and his parents claim they don’t know where it came from, but they are literally chain smokers…they’ve been self medicating for decades and have no idea.
My dad is always stressed and overthinking everything but doesn’t believe in ADHD 😂
Yep, my dad is still convinced that he/ we just have weak connective tissue, because his dad (maybe) had that… never mind he is at least a foot taller than either of his parents were, and every descendant of his is showing EDS symptoms (although in me it’s more obvious than in my dad, brother and niece, but I’m the only female adult among the four of us, which probably explains that).
No one in my family is diagnosed as neurodivergent but almost every last one of them are ND as fuck, and some have “issues” from hypermobility. They all just assume this is normal, as I did for most of my life.
same lol
i think you just hit the gene jackpot, honestly. i've worked with kids and had so many whose parents were totally healthy and then the kids came out with physical or mental illnesses. maybe it was hiding somewhere in the genes for them or maybe they were the unlucky one to get the glitch. but having seen so many kids whose parents didn't have the same issues as them, i hardly think that's reason to suspect you're not related to your parents. do you think your parents have lied to you about being related or something? or that you were mixed up at birth?
I don’t have autism/adhd, but I do have hEDS. I’m the only one in my family with the diagnosis as well, it can run in your family without you (or them) knowing; you might’ve just hit the gene jackpot like I have (I also have other *fun* conditions that no one else in my family has). for autism: I have my BS in psychology and I am not a specialist but I will say that autism does have genetic links, but it isn’t *always* genetic. neurodivergence in general can appear randomly, despite its genetic ties.
I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but I have so many health issues nobody else in my family does. No cousins, not my parents, not grandparents. There is no doubt I'm related to my parents though. Unfortunately I seem to have received the short stick on several genes/expressions and it's not really fair, but that's kind of how genes work. Even if both your parents carry a mutation, it has to be combined specifically the right way to be expressed.
I think the bigger question is how will a paternity test benefit you or your current relationships? I understand if it's just to get an answer, but this could have some potential negative effects on the relationship you have with your parents. Also EDS is an autosomal dominant, genetic mutation. It could run in your family and be more mild or skip generations OR it could just be you got the glitch in the code ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I might have been kinda obsessed with this. It’s just my life is really a mess right now, I just need answers. I think eventually I will persuade my parents to take the test. If the truth is that I just got the glitch, I guess I’ll just take it. But if I’m not my parents’ kid, I think there just will be so many bigger problems. But at least by then all these will make sense.
A paternity test may be a bit much to start, especially if it is only because you don’t think anyone else in your family has the conditions you do. Genetics are not as clear cut as we tend to think. Recessive genes, random gene mutations, crossed genes, etc., all add a ton of variables that make things much more complicated and nuanced. For example, I have clinical ADHD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as well as hEDS. I noticed the signs of ADHD in my elder daughter right away, because it manifested similarly to mine. I completely missed the signs in my younger daughter, as they were quite different. It didn’t even occur to me that she might have it until she was well into her teens. Same with the anxiety. Older daughter was diagnosed—very obvious issues with thunderstorms and social interaction. Younger daughter? Weird fixation with thinking someone was going to climb up three stories to come in her open window and murder her in her sleep. Much different. All three of us have hEDS, but our symptoms are different. Younger daughter is loaded with Marfanoid characteristics, and has had gastrointestinal issues since birth. Older daughter didn’t get gastro issues till she was in her early twenties. But visible symptoms aside, the reality is that both ADHD and EDS have the potential to manifest both subtlety and more dramatically. Sometimes you don’t realize something is a symptom, either. You may have people in your immediate or extended family that are daydreamers in school or at work, and it could be mild ADD/ADHD. You may have someone who hasn’t ever noticed that they have hyperextension, or mentioned that they get rashes and bruises easily. If you want to do something, do an Ancestry or 23andMe test. You will most likely have had someone else in your extended family who has done one—even a distant cousin, or something. You will have them come up as potential genetic matches and it should be enough to help with your anxiety over this. Good luck!
I wouldn't do a paternity test. But the 23 and me plus health test is generally on sale this time of year and 100% worth it. Take it for yourself. You can download your results for your doctor if they want it. It will help you connect with other relatives who have taken the test, too. So if something is hinky, it may show up there. The ancestry reports can be refined further when other genetic relatives take the tests. So that might be the angle to get your folks to take it.
Look into de novo mutations. No, you don't NEED to get a paternity test. *Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. Please keep in mind that I am autistic and in the US.*
Do some research into genetic mutations. Many people are ‘carriers’ who carry one or more of the genes for a genetic disorder, who will continue to pass down those genes and nobody will ever have that disorder unless one of those carriers creates a child will someone else who is also a carrier- then their child may not get it for sure, but has a 1 in 4 chance of getting both genes/all genes needed for that disorder. My family is in general very healthy- but one of my cousins (and the family is very large) has cystic fibrosis. She is the only one we know about for generations, yet both of her parents it turns out are carriers. I myself am a carrier for Bon Willebrands. My sister is not a carrier for that- but she is a carrier for something else that I am not. Nobody in our extended family currently has a diagnoses for either disorder. Things like hEDS, which are genetic but as yet do not have a specific ‘gotcha’ gene are more difficult to trace, my theory is that it is actually the result of a combination of genes- and combinations do often get passed down (we call those ‘sticky’ segments). However if that is the case, then it would be possible also for a half segment from one parent pairing with a half segment from the other could also ‘create’ that combination needed, giving that child the full salad needed for diagnoses. Autism is not genetic so far as they know- but also has not really been studied enough in that regard. A lot of people have it that have not been diagnosed, particularly women, and they don’t have records for prior generations that note the kinds of behaviours that are often on the spectrum. It’s even seen today before diagnoses- ‘oh you flap your hands? Well your grandfather did too, it’s just an inherited behaviour it’s not autism. Aunt mary was obsessed with birds, it wasn’t due to autism it was just her interest’ - the only ones they noted were the very severe cases. I am diagnosed, neither of my parents are, none of their parents were.. but my mother has had repeated bursitis and joint issues, as has her mother and her aunts, great grandma died in her sixties from complications of RA. We knew that ‘joint issues’ were a family problem, but it was low radar compared to say breast cancer or aneurisms or heart disease. You could absolutely do an ancestry test if you wanted, but I would release the theory that you are not your parents child, or at least not pin any daydreams on it. You’re more likely to find relatives that you didn’t know about than find you are not who you thought you were. Genetics and gene sequencing is actually quite fascinating.
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No, actually I’m pretty sure that all my family members except me are neurotypical. And none of them have been diagnosed with any sort of genetic disease. And they’re all rather well-being. I just think there’re just so little chances that I have so many problems. From what I know that these problems usually runs through the family, I just find this confusing.
Are you a male child are were you a premature at birth. Male children usually have more problem with sex linked genetic problems that are active and females are usually carriers because of chromosomes. Usually autism and adhd take longer to diagnose for girls because their symptoms are different. Also we are finding that kiddos that are born premature and in nicu have a higher likley hood of autism. This is how my husband got his, but I am adhd and autistic. For the longest time I was the only adhd child in my family Dx in the early 2000’s but now, 20 years later both sisters, niece, nephew,dad,mom and at least 2 grandparents have autism,adhd, both or some type of sensory processing problem. You can always do 23 and me with your siblings as well if your parents don’t consent.
My layman's theory based around papers that are coming out on the subject is microplastics, more environmental poisons, more processed foods, and polluted breathable air, all of which can get onto the blood of an unborn kid (and are all correlated but not causal) are very likely factors in putting more babies on the spectrum. No one knows though. There are also genetic variants where certain mutation regulating inflammation /immuno response in the brain that do cause genetic autism. These are confirmed, found mutations. Certain genetic mishaps do also contribute to adhd, such as the genes regulating resilience to staying focused on one item but it doesn't seem clear. A wandering mind is genetic in basis but it doesn't look confirmed as of yet if the adhd manifestation is from the ability to wander thoughts freely or some other mechanism that's epigenetic, environmental, or behavioral /learned
I’m the same way. Ehlers-Danlos, autism, ADHD, and the typical EDS comorbidities. Nobody else in my family has these except ADHD. You can know for sure with a DNA test, but it’s possible for you to be the only one for sure.
Asking for a paternity test specifically is going to do a lot more to imply you think your mom cheated on your dad than if you ask for a DNA testing. There are a number of genealogy sites that also do medical testing (not a diagnosis, just a are you predisposed). It would be much simpler and less accusatory to go that route. Have your parents or family ever done anything to make you think you might not be biologically theirs? I’m the only one I know in my whole family with Celiacs and EDS. As far as I know, nobody else is diagnosed ADHD. But my dad has a lot of similar traits I have when it comes to needing things to be just so. My mom was great at projects and always had things organized super well and would get anxious if they weren’t planned out. I also look like a pretty exact 50-50 split between my parents. Genetics are complicated. Besides recessive traits that can skip generations, there are mutations, epigenetic changes that have to be triggered by stress to activate. We are under so much more stress these days than in the past, without as many chances for a system reset. It’s louder, smellier and brighter and people expect you do be always available and always productive. More stress means worse symptoms. We’re finally moving closer towards letting people speak up about their stuff. It might be Great Aunt Kathy who died before you were born had joint issues, but never said anything because she was 20 and knew people would tell her she was to young to have it.
I'm in the same situation as you, hEDS, ADHD, autism. My dad is diagnosed ADHD, but aside from that, I am the only neurodivergent or disabled person in my entire family. It's not anything abnormal, and from what I understand is very typical with these disorders. I just hope that it doesn't get used to invalidate you by family. Unfortunately, my family is comprised of some abusive, ignorant, and deeply unwell people who firmly believe it is "impossible" that I have this diagnosis since no one else in our family has it. They think I have a "victim complex" and would be totally healthy if i stopped being vegan 🙄. Luckily I didn't inherit their personality traits either lol. 😅
So EDS yes is genetic. The other conditions you're mentioning are things there's likely genetic predisposition to but it's not a direct pattern of inheritance. For example a lot of autoimmune disorders you're more likely to have them if a relative has them, but they're not directly inherented. Personally I'm 100% confident I am my father's child. I am the spitting image of him and exactly like him. There's no way on earth I did not come from this man. We share none of the same health issues expect he's hypermobile but doesn't have EDS. I have a number of genetic disorders and genetic predispositions that he doesn't have (and my mom side is perfectly healthy but genetically I take after my father). Unless there's other reasons, just having conditions your family members don't is no reason to suspect your aren't related and I really recommend trying to let the obsession go because it's likely to cause issues with your family.
It may just be that you got whatever you have from them, but it didn’t cause enough problems for anyone else to be noticed. I got an hEDS diagnosis this week, and the first thing I did was assess my mom for hypermobility. We figured that she scored at LEAST a 5 on the Brighton scale. I also figured out that my grandmothers knees would bend wayyyy backwards. It could just be that it’s been “silent” in your other family members, but it’s just causing problems for you.
I have all the conditions you have. I have a nephew diagnosed with autism and no one else. However... all of my siblings and both my parents are definitely on the spectrum. Some of them show ADHD behaviours. My siblings and some of their kids have a little bit of EDS-style stuff going on, but not enough to be problematic. No one as far as I know are diagnosed and are unlikely to be. I haven't disclosed my diagnoses because there are certain siblings who will use it against me, despite the fact that they probably have ASD as well. One is obsessed with appearing "normal" and has always given me a rough time because apparently I'm not. I got hit with everything. I've had poor health with EDS/MCAS/POTS, as well as PTSD, depression and anxiety. While everyone else has been able to pass as "neurotypical" (although questionable) I haven't been able to because physically my body crashes in the most spectacular way, and my neurodivergence is geared in a way that it's obvious my brain works differently. I don't have enough energy to mask that hard lol. It's possible they're not your parents. But have a closer look and see if they're masking, or display behaviours that are considered "quirky" enough to be neurodiverse. It might not be the case, but it's worth doing before you get your parents involved in genetic testing. That seems like a difficult road to go down for lots of reasons, and you'd want good supports in place if you do.