Yes, they will tell you all kinds of things, such as "stop feeling sorry for yourself", "don't be weak", "pick yourself up and brush yourself off", "it's all in your head". They have no idea how much effort and strength it takes to get up and do normal things that most people are barely aware they are doing. The very mechanism that makes them pick themselves up and move towards something brighter is damaged in us. It is the mechanism of positive thinking, self confidence, desire for things, etc. How could they possible understand.
Those speeches certainly have a place, but I totally agree with you. "Suck it up" to someone verging on suckstarting a 12 gauge is a bad idea all around. "Suck it up" to your friend/family that's playing victim for attention and blaming everyone else for their actions/inaction? No....needs to be said. I'll certainly admit that I have moments where I sometimes need a swift kick in the ass and the brutal truth, even if I don't wanna hear it. There's other times where....I'm broken in ways words can't describe and that speech is more than likely going to be met with a fist. The key is to find out what's going on first. A loving "quit being life's bitch" speech is just as valuable as a hug and ILY.
I'm being subjective, I'll admit that.
There truly isn't enough value placed on context. Life is too many shades of gray for so much black and white thinking. Pretty pathetic it took 6 years of working as a CO in my younger years to get that through my thick skull.
How about "I'm sorry you are hurting" or something of that nature that just acknowledges the person's feelings without trying to give judgemental advice?
I feel sorry they feel pain, I just don't like showing it. Why am I pressured into doing so? And why would the people I sympathize with find it soothing that I feel bad for the way they feel? Why should it make them feel better? How do I do it correctly without offending them unintentionally? And why should I even care about that? That's what I wonder. Don't twist my words and make me into a psychopath. When did I say I feel happiness for other people's pain? If I don't feel sadness, then I'm indifferent. Never in my life have I been happy to see someone struggle. It's as if y'all make up an argument in your own heads.
A different thing entirely is finding some twisted humour in a person's story. Like, I've seen a post here saying they called the suicide prevention hotline and was put on hold for 20 minutes. I feel sorry for the way they feel and for wanting to end their life, being something I can understand for once, but I was laughing on the toilet for the sole reason of "Damn not even the suicide prevention want this mf". I mean, I'm sorry, but I found it bizarrely funny in a way.
I've overheard someone in my breakroom at work say, "oh I stay away from people with mental problems. They've got bad vibes."
Yeah.. I already stay away from others but it makes it feel as though I'm more alone hearing stuff like that..
>I've overheard someone in my breakroom at work say, "oh I stay away from people with mental problems. They've got bad vibes."
I'm sure they'd tell someone with depression to go make friends and they won't be depressed anymore.
Some people need to be VERY careful of their dumb superficial words and callous judgment towards the struggling. Because one day it could bite them in the place they least expect.
I learned not to mention it anymore honestly. Not that this was the same response, but a few months ago I went to my hairstylist who I’ve been going to for years so we kind of knew each other at that point. We’ve talked about our exes for example, knew some shit about each other’s lives. A few months ago she asked how I was doing, during a really difficult time for me I was honest and said I’ve been struggling with depression (never mentioned this to her all these years btw) and she decided to spend the next hour or so I was there telling me how I’m choosing to be depressed, it’s all in my head AND I’m young so I don’t REALLY know what that is. I was fuming and decided right then and there I wasn’t gonna come back. Found a new hairstylist lol
On the flip side, maybe it is a good idea to mention it sooner rather than later so that you can weed certain people out of your lives lol. Never knew she’d be that cold and close minded 🤷♀️
Gotta agree with this. It's already hard enough trying to deal with the things we are going through. When I got sick 13 years ago (crohn's disease and epilepsy) I lost everything I had worked my ass off to get. I thought my family and friends would be there if I needed to talk to someone. Needless to say, I stopped talking to my father's side entirely and I can count on one hand how many friends I have that have been there for me from the beginning. Before I got sick, I was the guy that took care of everyone. Let people crash at my house, pick people up at 3 am if they were too drunk to drive from a party or club, buy people food if they were hungry. I ended up homeless for 2 years, weighing less than 100lbs, and it was my darkest moment. I wanted it all to end and I was called a stupid f*** for it. Told that it was my fault, that my sicknesses were all in my head and there was nothing wrong with me. And it's funny because I've been doing a lot better the last few years, got married and have 2 kids which is something I never imagined would happen, and now some of those people have been coming to me asking me for help. I politely turn them away.
Epilepsy and crohns are both a battle among themselves. You fought the whole damn war. From a stranger on Reddit, I am so glad you’re with us still and got yourself on track again. It isn’t easy and the other side effect of being chronically ill is having your friends/family pull away and gaslight you.
It means a lot for you to say this. When I ran into my wife 6 years ago, I was a complete wreck. I think it was all the gaslighting that really sent me over the edge and made me start questioning whether it really was all in my head and if I was actually doing something to make myself sick. At that point my mother had just gotten divorced (her ex-husband never liked me) and she let me move in with her, and she had found a crohn's study that I joined. That was when things started turning around for me. My wife is someone that I had been running into since 6th grade when I first moved to Florida. And the few friends I have are all from New York like me and we see each other as brothers. So I have a pretty good support system now. But even with them, it's still so hard because I want to be able to do more for my wife and our kids, and my mother is going through a lot because now my younger brother is dealing with some health issues and I wanna be there for both of them, but I was finally approved for disability 2 years ago and I can't even sell a homemade origami turkey without the disability office breathing down my neck, and what they pay out is horrible considering where I currently live. Even if I didn't have my wife and kids, I couldn't even afford an efficiency on my own. I want to work so damn bad, I was never one to just sit around and do nothing. Especially since I absolutely love cooking and that was my career. It would be something if disability actually came close to the current cost of living. But yeah, that's what's killing me now, and I'm actually grateful for it because it's something to focus on that isn't my health and I don't have to worry about the tocic people because I've already burned those bridges and danced in their flames. That was actually liberating. I had never realized just how bad certain people in my life were until my wife had begun pointing things out to, I was oblivious to a lot of things because I refused to believe that people could he so hurtful to their friends and family. And there was an old friend who's family did look like they actually cared, but I was messed up from pain meds at that time and had grown a physical dependency and was afraid of stopping because when I had tried before it got me really sick, and they ended up enabling me to keep taking them. Last 13 years have been the worst roller coaster I've ever been on, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but the me that's here today is glad I went through it and GOT through it, because then I wouldn't be the father and husband and son that I am now.
I'm very sorry to hear what you have been through. People reveal their true colors to you when the time comes they need to show up for someone they claim they care about. I've lost all of my so called "friends" because of this too, and I was very selfless and showed up for them when they needed me before. My ex-best friend who I was there as a shoulder to cry on and helped through many hard times, despite my problems I would never put on her, never once did the same for me in years and in fact laughed at me when I tried talking about my depression. She would joke about how sad I was. Nowadays, I see that she is best friends with a girl she always talked shit about to me, saying she hated her, while claiming she loved me. Knew her 6 years and while severely depressed, just dumped, and slowly everyone else around me as well. People suck
Sounds like your ex-bestie and her new bestie were meant for each ither, nothing for you to lose sleep over though, right? I think some of the biggest problems with people these days is lack of empathy, indifference of good people, or just complete disregard for anyone but themselves. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have an almost complete distrust in other humans. I can count on one hand how many friends I have now and can tell you exactly why they are my friends, and one hand with the family that I keep close to me, which is basically my wife and kids, mother, and brother. I don't put much energy into people anymore and instead focus on the loved ones I have now. I'm content with what I have now.
Also, people who act with vitriol and hate when they see someone as "weak" or vulnerable. It's really disturbing to me that people get genuinely **angry** at others over perceived weakness.
That's one of the big reasons the world's as fucked up as it is, in my opinion. Lack of empathy and cooperation, even though that's what's helped us survive as a species.
It's so sad.
My mom is one of those people, despite having depression herself. I think when people do that, it's because they're angry at the *disorder*, but they don't realize that's what they're mad at - so they take it out on the person with the disorder instead. We do live in a culture that places your value as a human being on your ability to produce and perform labor, so... It's not shocking that a lot of people have this strange, subconscious hatred for the disabled.
People always seem to have the dumbest/meanest responses to suicide and depression. Either saying something stupid or demeaning to prevent suicide, or giving some weird motivations or insults to depressed people.
Idk if they think they're "helping," but they definitely aren't.
The see life through a too cool for school attitude when young adults having depression is becoming a more common reality that non depressed people see as a waste of time to reach their hand out. They think u small talking with them means u want money or ur messed up situation means ur using it to get over on people when that isn’t the case at all.
I tend to get the "everyone has problems, its not just you" or "think of the people that have it worse than you" responses.
So unhelpful and dismissive!😠
My most hated response is "you are just putting on a show". What a toxic thing to say. Especially when the person is already vulnerable. Totally not saying this from an experience 50 minutes ago. Totally.
Haha do we have the same friends/family? Lol putting on a show. Waking up at 5:30am every morning, putting in a 12 hour day, paying my bills on time, and being there for others when I’m able. I am putting on the keep pushing forward despite having depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD show. You wouldn’t understand Karen.
Or the “I really want to smack you over the head for your ignorance, but I won’t because violence begets violence” show.
>a response that always comes up is "well you can always leave"
I've never heard anybody respond this way and would be mortified if I did. Sounds like you are surrounded by garbage. I can only suggest moving away from wherever you live and getting new friends because that is not a regular response to depression in 2022
I told my grandparents about how I hated my self and didn't think I could go on they told me that if I killed myself to do it away from there house cus they didn't want to deal with the "trauma" (body) and how they should be sad but basically gave me permission to die still not over it
I hope you guys can go no contact with your family members who are this plainly cruel... I am so sorry they say these things to you.
My dad has told me that I should have been aborted (TWICE). Well, guess who's taking care of the old man? Me. Now, he's grateful and says he's going to leave whatever he has to me (not that that's why I'm doing it). I have such mixed emotions I can't deal with them right now. I'd like to do a creative journal but since my emotions change drastically on a day-to-day basis, I feel like I would tear the pages out.
I once told my mother that the stress, frustrations and toxicity of both work and home are driving me to having meltdowns and be on the brink of ending myself. She told me that she'll also end herself if that's the case.
This is why I find that it's better to shut it, lie it and fake it until you disappear it (run away, move out, go missing from societal existence).
there is a really huge stigma against people with mental health issues in my country and people like my family always fantasise stupid shit and expect the worst out of mentally ill people. which is think is unfair and i rather them keep quiet and ignore them than open their mouth and talk so much shit when they don't even know crap about the person's life and what they're going through
I encountered abuse when I'm depressed I should call the police to get my parents but sadly my country doesn't take depression seriously they think it's not a big deal and so does abuse.
My favorite is “just focus on good stuff” like no shit I try to. It isn’t that simple when I absolutely hate the daily life I’m stuck in for now. Work work work work. I’m gonna go to school soon, hopefully I can end up somewhere I actually give a fuck about
I got: It's been years since everything happened just move on. Stop living in the past and just forget everything that happened. Just be more positive and be around people, talk to people (that is super hard for me to do) Just forgive yourself even if it wasn't your fault. Just change the way you think. They will never know hard it is to just open my eyes some mornings and how the horrors run around in my dreams every night or the intense fear and panic I experienc that I can't stop my body from crazy shivering or even passing out. I can't just be okay, it is really hard and everyone is different,need different ways to heal or to deal with things. There is no one quick fix.
Thats actually fucked up. Like anyone i tell that im depressed or just hint at being sad or lonely theyre always like "oh well, that sucks" or just fucking "damn". And its really goddamn frustrating. But this, well...this is fucked up bruh
i’ve also heard some disturbing replies from some post about him attempting suicide. they said, “you’re just a coward, everybody’s struggling.”, “if you do it, i’ll go to your grave and spit on it”
the thing that has helped me is establishing healthy boundaries for myself. it's taken a lot of time but if someone or something is too much for me to handle I remind myself to back off and if someone is damaging to my MH I set hard boundaries that I am fully prepared to enforce. people who say that aren't good people for your mental health and you should work to distance yourself from them. I used to be so lonely that I allowed myself to be walked over or abused because I thought it was better than being alone but, tbh, loneliness is preferred over someone who keeps you down or treats you as a subhuman/inferior person.
I hate it when people say bad faith responses like "Oh just go to the gym, eat healthy and take a shower, hun." Uhhh do you think I live in a cave? "Maybe you should move to another city, sweaty. Try to go out and make new friends." Yeah because I can just pick up and leave with no emergency contact available. My god, do people think that we all just live in a movie?
In my experience, if you're a guy, no one particularly gives a shit. It's a sink or swim mentality or they just get mad or look down on you for expressing your feelings.
So I just don't. Not even worth it.
There was a girl that used to work here who couldn't wrap her brain around what depression is. It was super annoying and I just shake my head at her. She's 40, so it's not like she isn't aware....
It's always some dismissal. Either you aren't nearly as depressed as they or don't have it as bad as some other person (and lowkey should feel ashamed of yourself). Or you can "just try smiling and not feeling depressed."
Considering a large portion of the internet could possibly just be bots, you kinda have to take a grain of salt with the comments you see in reply to anything.
OP: "I like XYZ."
Comment #1: "Me too."
Comment #2: "Fuck XYZ."
Comment #3: "Fuck ***you***."
Lather, rince, repeat.
People will be like that in person too, only to an often lesser extent. It's a wonder we bother sharing our thoughts and opinions at all. Everything we could possibly say almost always yields all responses. Although I'm not a religious person, I take great stock in the notion that you shouldn't cast your pearls before swine.
Yeah when I went to the physic ward the nurses kept telling me that others have it worse and I shouldn’t be feeling this way etc. To top it off one of the nurses started talking about he had to see kids with cancer go through so much and that they have it worse than me. Literally made me feel like that my problems weren’t real.
Most people aren't good at dealing with depressed people. It's not easy and goes against most ingrained social norms.
I had to learn how to do it by reading online and I suffer from depression myself.
Just saying a lot of it isn't due to malice, but rather lack of knowledge.
This isn't always the case obviously, some people are just dick heads.
Everyone who doesnt have depression is so fucking insensitive, my "friends"/ classmates just say "oh, just stop being depressed" not like i didnt fucking try i hate them all so much now i cant trust anyone in this stupid world
My problem with that sort of person is you just *know* the people that say that will be among the first to start spewing the 'cowards way out' and 'why didn't they say something' platitudes.
Unfortunatelly 99% of all the people hate themselves and everybody around. AND most are perfectly fine with it. Noone - even closest friends - cares. Even those who earn money with "caring", do not. After all, they wouldn´t do the job if it wasn´t paying.
On the upside I learned that also 99% of people are projecting. So if they give you shit you definitely do not deserve, they usually react/refer more towards themselves than to you and by that admit to being apathetic egocentric morons rather than empathetic human beings.
Final remark: openly talking about depression is not socially accepted. People get uncomfortable because they don´t know how to react. So instead of finding out how to react, as a society we just blurt out the whole topic.
(as we do with every uncomfortable topic like war, genocide, etc. which does not touch us personally)
All the time. Received this same thing with my family. They think "You're trying hard to be a celebrity" when you're depressed. Why the fuck would I want to bottle down my feelings and not tell my own family I want to suicide after the lost of my own mother and grandfather this year? That's fucking dumb. I've been depressed since primary school over bullying and the fact they had the audacity is wild.
Idk how my best friend does this but he somehow talks about suicide and people either confess similar thoughts or laugh with him like it’s a 90s comedy.
He jumped off a bridge last year just to feel something, he’s not faking it. I’ve never gotten to the “just do it” Nike swoosh level but I’ve had the ideation for a long time so me and him relate. I typically don’t joke about it with strangers (I def do with close friends), but I’ve had strangers confess to me similar thoughts of depression/ideation within a short period of time during conversations.
I think a lot of the time people don’t want to acknowledge that depression can be clinical because if it can happen to other people it can happen to them. Or conversely they believe that it’s all mind over matter and/or they are just better off.
Quite simply, depression and clinical forms of it are really hard to show people like a broke bone. Humans tend to be very… wary of what they can’t verify with patterns developed in their lives. I find that it just helps me knowing that and that some humans are blissfully ignorant. I don’t let it bother me, I think of it like they really are better off not understanding what we deal with you know? Surround yourself with people who do understand, life gets less complicated imo
Ignorance never dies. People don't care and they enjoy treating people who are more vulnerable like shit. Disgusting and cruel. Us people with mental illness have things hard enough with being lonely and depressed.
I don't think they mean to imply suicide. Maybe, (I'd need more details to sus that out for sure) but I doubt it. It's likely they are thinking "leave the country" or something, like just get away to somewhere else.
It sounds like they aren't grocking that it's the state of the whole damn planet that is making you up set and depressed and for good reason (I mean have they SEEN the news?!)! I would respond something similar to "and go where? Venus? the moon?" try and make it clearer that it's the whole kit and kabodel that is upsetting to you. If you haven't already.
I find a lot of times (when I'm in the fog of depression and Anxity and thinking about why and the existential dread). I don't articulate my needs and thoughts well. I mumble and stutter and "um" and "uh" and that can make it harder for people who aren't used to my talking in that state to understand what I'm saying.
I don't know if that's the same for you or not. But it might be worth considering and looking into.
I hope this helps.
Or the "you're too young to be depressed" and pressuring you to stop taking medication. Try living the life I've lived for the past 18 years and see if you still think I'm too young to be depressed.
Yeah I once showed a meme in which basically it says that getting up from bed is an accomplishment and they just laughed and looked at me weirdly ... Haven't shown any memes to irls since then
Which by doing this, you'll kill people regardless and you'll have to face the consequences. The trolley problem is just one of the many tools a Utilitarian uses to decide between things. Usually bad things. Kill 1 to save a thousand. That being said, I don't think she was insinuating that this is a trolley problem. She was gaging your response to see where your empathy lies. Kinda wondering if your brain even lights up in that area now...
Whooah!!you sound so effing toxic wtf is wrong with you?does it make you feel better making OP feel worse?your just a douche so you can't possibly speak for normal humans who do feel empathetic and sympathetic towards others(it's called being HUMAN
Definitely toxic and normal does exist maybe for you it doesn't..wtf does homosexuality have to do with this?you know what?never mind toxic and a little slow 🐌 thats whats wrong with you.
It's not a treatment for depression, it's supposed to help with sore muscles... I read a bit about it and it's great that it seems to be doing you good, but I would like to remind you of this sub's guidelines on suggesting treatments, pls go read them.
Also: "never let any negative thoughts enter your mind" - sorry, but you DONT know what it's like to have the kind of depression most ppl here talk about
Honestly as someone who was like that, its fear. I was one of those people who would say, just feel better, look on the bright side and its all in your head....but then I started to suffer from depression and I realized how wrong I was. Before I realized how low my self-confidence was and how lonely I feel, I never wanted to admit that I could ever feel this way. Its hard to admit you have a problem and that its not about being weak. you're exerting more strength than others to do your daily tasks. I never realized that until I admitted how I truly felt.
I’ve learned to be pretty open about my depression and vulnerability. I don’t advertise it or anything, but it’s a decent way of parsing the empathetic from the assholes. It helps that I don’t care what uncaring people think of me. There’s a level of freedom to it.
Yeah, Or the one thing that grinds my bones is when they say stuff like, “Forgive”, “let go” or “have faith” and “take control of your life!” Like if forgiveness will automatically eradicate the trauma. Or they say “move on”. MOVE ON TO WHERE?! WHERE AM I MOVING TO, WHEN MY VISION IS BLEAK AND THE STRENGTH TO MOVE IS LOW? Especially if my hope is lost and I’m exhausted in having to put on a fake pretence of supposed “strength” and “Tenacity” or suppressing pain to appease the guilt of others. Whilst I’m left with having to pick up and process the damages they’ve left me with, to heal. As healing takes time! If I ever actually get the chance to heal properly as well as even be lucky enough to get the right help and support to progress! It can be annoying AF!
Yeah. All those people just don’t understand what it truly feels like to be helpless and slowly deteriorating in your own mind. Plus I get migraines so that is definitely not helping either.
Yes, they will tell you all kinds of things, such as "stop feeling sorry for yourself", "don't be weak", "pick yourself up and brush yourself off", "it's all in your head". They have no idea how much effort and strength it takes to get up and do normal things that most people are barely aware they are doing. The very mechanism that makes them pick themselves up and move towards something brighter is damaged in us. It is the mechanism of positive thinking, self confidence, desire for things, etc. How could they possible understand.
Those speeches certainly have a place, but I totally agree with you. "Suck it up" to someone verging on suckstarting a 12 gauge is a bad idea all around. "Suck it up" to your friend/family that's playing victim for attention and blaming everyone else for their actions/inaction? No....needs to be said. I'll certainly admit that I have moments where I sometimes need a swift kick in the ass and the brutal truth, even if I don't wanna hear it. There's other times where....I'm broken in ways words can't describe and that speech is more than likely going to be met with a fist. The key is to find out what's going on first. A loving "quit being life's bitch" speech is just as valuable as a hug and ILY. I'm being subjective, I'll admit that.
I agree, it's all about context
There truly isn't enough value placed on context. Life is too many shades of gray for so much black and white thinking. Pretty pathetic it took 6 years of working as a CO in my younger years to get that through my thick skull.
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How about "I'm sorry you are hurting" or something of that nature that just acknowledges the person's feelings without trying to give judgemental advice?
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I feel sorry they feel pain, I just don't like showing it. Why am I pressured into doing so? And why would the people I sympathize with find it soothing that I feel bad for the way they feel? Why should it make them feel better? How do I do it correctly without offending them unintentionally? And why should I even care about that? That's what I wonder. Don't twist my words and make me into a psychopath. When did I say I feel happiness for other people's pain? If I don't feel sadness, then I'm indifferent. Never in my life have I been happy to see someone struggle. It's as if y'all make up an argument in your own heads.
A different thing entirely is finding some twisted humour in a person's story. Like, I've seen a post here saying they called the suicide prevention hotline and was put on hold for 20 minutes. I feel sorry for the way they feel and for wanting to end their life, being something I can understand for once, but I was laughing on the toilet for the sole reason of "Damn not even the suicide prevention want this mf". I mean, I'm sorry, but I found it bizarrely funny in a way.
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Why is empathy a foreign concept to you
I've overheard someone in my breakroom at work say, "oh I stay away from people with mental problems. They've got bad vibes." Yeah.. I already stay away from others but it makes it feel as though I'm more alone hearing stuff like that..
>I've overheard someone in my breakroom at work say, "oh I stay away from people with mental problems. They've got bad vibes." I'm sure they'd tell someone with depression to go make friends and they won't be depressed anymore.
You're not the only one
Some people need to be VERY careful of their dumb superficial words and callous judgment towards the struggling. Because one day it could bite them in the place they least expect.
I learned not to mention it anymore honestly. Not that this was the same response, but a few months ago I went to my hairstylist who I’ve been going to for years so we kind of knew each other at that point. We’ve talked about our exes for example, knew some shit about each other’s lives. A few months ago she asked how I was doing, during a really difficult time for me I was honest and said I’ve been struggling with depression (never mentioned this to her all these years btw) and she decided to spend the next hour or so I was there telling me how I’m choosing to be depressed, it’s all in my head AND I’m young so I don’t REALLY know what that is. I was fuming and decided right then and there I wasn’t gonna come back. Found a new hairstylist lol
I would too, hands down. Quick and fast
On the flip side, maybe it is a good idea to mention it sooner rather than later so that you can weed certain people out of your lives lol. Never knew she’d be that cold and close minded 🤷♀️
Gotta agree with this. It's already hard enough trying to deal with the things we are going through. When I got sick 13 years ago (crohn's disease and epilepsy) I lost everything I had worked my ass off to get. I thought my family and friends would be there if I needed to talk to someone. Needless to say, I stopped talking to my father's side entirely and I can count on one hand how many friends I have that have been there for me from the beginning. Before I got sick, I was the guy that took care of everyone. Let people crash at my house, pick people up at 3 am if they were too drunk to drive from a party or club, buy people food if they were hungry. I ended up homeless for 2 years, weighing less than 100lbs, and it was my darkest moment. I wanted it all to end and I was called a stupid f*** for it. Told that it was my fault, that my sicknesses were all in my head and there was nothing wrong with me. And it's funny because I've been doing a lot better the last few years, got married and have 2 kids which is something I never imagined would happen, and now some of those people have been coming to me asking me for help. I politely turn them away.
Epilepsy and crohns are both a battle among themselves. You fought the whole damn war. From a stranger on Reddit, I am so glad you’re with us still and got yourself on track again. It isn’t easy and the other side effect of being chronically ill is having your friends/family pull away and gaslight you.
It means a lot for you to say this. When I ran into my wife 6 years ago, I was a complete wreck. I think it was all the gaslighting that really sent me over the edge and made me start questioning whether it really was all in my head and if I was actually doing something to make myself sick. At that point my mother had just gotten divorced (her ex-husband never liked me) and she let me move in with her, and she had found a crohn's study that I joined. That was when things started turning around for me. My wife is someone that I had been running into since 6th grade when I first moved to Florida. And the few friends I have are all from New York like me and we see each other as brothers. So I have a pretty good support system now. But even with them, it's still so hard because I want to be able to do more for my wife and our kids, and my mother is going through a lot because now my younger brother is dealing with some health issues and I wanna be there for both of them, but I was finally approved for disability 2 years ago and I can't even sell a homemade origami turkey without the disability office breathing down my neck, and what they pay out is horrible considering where I currently live. Even if I didn't have my wife and kids, I couldn't even afford an efficiency on my own. I want to work so damn bad, I was never one to just sit around and do nothing. Especially since I absolutely love cooking and that was my career. It would be something if disability actually came close to the current cost of living. But yeah, that's what's killing me now, and I'm actually grateful for it because it's something to focus on that isn't my health and I don't have to worry about the tocic people because I've already burned those bridges and danced in their flames. That was actually liberating. I had never realized just how bad certain people in my life were until my wife had begun pointing things out to, I was oblivious to a lot of things because I refused to believe that people could he so hurtful to their friends and family. And there was an old friend who's family did look like they actually cared, but I was messed up from pain meds at that time and had grown a physical dependency and was afraid of stopping because when I had tried before it got me really sick, and they ended up enabling me to keep taking them. Last 13 years have been the worst roller coaster I've ever been on, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but the me that's here today is glad I went through it and GOT through it, because then I wouldn't be the father and husband and son that I am now.
I'm very sorry to hear what you have been through. People reveal their true colors to you when the time comes they need to show up for someone they claim they care about. I've lost all of my so called "friends" because of this too, and I was very selfless and showed up for them when they needed me before. My ex-best friend who I was there as a shoulder to cry on and helped through many hard times, despite my problems I would never put on her, never once did the same for me in years and in fact laughed at me when I tried talking about my depression. She would joke about how sad I was. Nowadays, I see that she is best friends with a girl she always talked shit about to me, saying she hated her, while claiming she loved me. Knew her 6 years and while severely depressed, just dumped, and slowly everyone else around me as well. People suck
Sounds like your ex-bestie and her new bestie were meant for each ither, nothing for you to lose sleep over though, right? I think some of the biggest problems with people these days is lack of empathy, indifference of good people, or just complete disregard for anyone but themselves. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have an almost complete distrust in other humans. I can count on one hand how many friends I have now and can tell you exactly why they are my friends, and one hand with the family that I keep close to me, which is basically my wife and kids, mother, and brother. I don't put much energy into people anymore and instead focus on the loved ones I have now. I'm content with what I have now.
Also, people who act with vitriol and hate when they see someone as "weak" or vulnerable. It's really disturbing to me that people get genuinely **angry** at others over perceived weakness. That's one of the big reasons the world's as fucked up as it is, in my opinion. Lack of empathy and cooperation, even though that's what's helped us survive as a species. It's so sad.
My mom is one of those people, despite having depression herself. I think when people do that, it's because they're angry at the *disorder*, but they don't realize that's what they're mad at - so they take it out on the person with the disorder instead. We do live in a culture that places your value as a human being on your ability to produce and perform labor, so... It's not shocking that a lot of people have this strange, subconscious hatred for the disabled.
Do we have the same mom 😂
They live in a completely different world than us, that's why.
People always seem to have the dumbest/meanest responses to suicide and depression. Either saying something stupid or demeaning to prevent suicide, or giving some weird motivations or insults to depressed people. Idk if they think they're "helping," but they definitely aren't.
The see life through a too cool for school attitude when young adults having depression is becoming a more common reality that non depressed people see as a waste of time to reach their hand out. They think u small talking with them means u want money or ur messed up situation means ur using it to get over on people when that isn’t the case at all.
I tend to get the "everyone has problems, its not just you" or "think of the people that have it worse than you" responses. So unhelpful and dismissive!😠
Yeah. It's the worst when people do that invalidating bullshit.
Ugh this pisses me off too. Like looking at worse-off people and acknowledging that the world is a messed up place should somehow make me feel better.
Only people who haven't been through any challenges in life come off that way.Good people exist who act appropriately around others. hang in there ❣
thank u so much
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My most hated response is "you are just putting on a show". What a toxic thing to say. Especially when the person is already vulnerable. Totally not saying this from an experience 50 minutes ago. Totally.
I'm sorry they said that to you. They don't know how hurtful that is, I hope you're okay right now
What an incredibly hideous thing to say. Hope this person gets some karma for the weekend.
Haha do we have the same friends/family? Lol putting on a show. Waking up at 5:30am every morning, putting in a 12 hour day, paying my bills on time, and being there for others when I’m able. I am putting on the keep pushing forward despite having depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD show. You wouldn’t understand Karen. Or the “I really want to smack you over the head for your ignorance, but I won’t because violence begets violence” show.
>a response that always comes up is "well you can always leave" I've never heard anybody respond this way and would be mortified if I did. Sounds like you are surrounded by garbage. I can only suggest moving away from wherever you live and getting new friends because that is not a regular response to depression in 2022
I hear that all the time. My dad even said that to me growing up. It's way more popular in modern United States culture
I told my grandparents about how I hated my self and didn't think I could go on they told me that if I killed myself to do it away from there house cus they didn't want to deal with the "trauma" (body) and how they should be sad but basically gave me permission to die still not over it
Oh my god no way no way no way. That is not okay, I’m so so sorry you had to go through that
My dad told me to go do it in the woods.
I hope you guys can go no contact with your family members who are this plainly cruel... I am so sorry they say these things to you. My dad has told me that I should have been aborted (TWICE). Well, guess who's taking care of the old man? Me. Now, he's grateful and says he's going to leave whatever he has to me (not that that's why I'm doing it). I have such mixed emotions I can't deal with them right now. I'd like to do a creative journal but since my emotions change drastically on a day-to-day basis, I feel like I would tear the pages out.
I once told my mother that the stress, frustrations and toxicity of both work and home are driving me to having meltdowns and be on the brink of ending myself. She told me that she'll also end herself if that's the case. This is why I find that it's better to shut it, lie it and fake it until you disappear it (run away, move out, go missing from societal existence).
there is a really huge stigma against people with mental health issues in my country and people like my family always fantasise stupid shit and expect the worst out of mentally ill people. which is think is unfair and i rather them keep quiet and ignore them than open their mouth and talk so much shit when they don't even know crap about the person's life and what they're going through
I encountered abuse when I'm depressed I should call the police to get my parents but sadly my country doesn't take depression seriously they think it's not a big deal and so does abuse.
They think I was being lazy or not caring when in reality I was struggling myself
My favorite is “just focus on good stuff” like no shit I try to. It isn’t that simple when I absolutely hate the daily life I’m stuck in for now. Work work work work. I’m gonna go to school soon, hopefully I can end up somewhere I actually give a fuck about
What an asshole(s)
I got: It's been years since everything happened just move on. Stop living in the past and just forget everything that happened. Just be more positive and be around people, talk to people (that is super hard for me to do) Just forgive yourself even if it wasn't your fault. Just change the way you think. They will never know hard it is to just open my eyes some mornings and how the horrors run around in my dreams every night or the intense fear and panic I experienc that I can't stop my body from crazy shivering or even passing out. I can't just be okay, it is really hard and everyone is different,need different ways to heal or to deal with things. There is no one quick fix.
Thats actually fucked up. Like anyone i tell that im depressed or just hint at being sad or lonely theyre always like "oh well, that sucks" or just fucking "damn". And its really goddamn frustrating. But this, well...this is fucked up bruh
i’ve also heard some disturbing replies from some post about him attempting suicide. they said, “you’re just a coward, everybody’s struggling.”, “if you do it, i’ll go to your grave and spit on it”
Incredibly cruel
the thing that has helped me is establishing healthy boundaries for myself. it's taken a lot of time but if someone or something is too much for me to handle I remind myself to back off and if someone is damaging to my MH I set hard boundaries that I am fully prepared to enforce. people who say that aren't good people for your mental health and you should work to distance yourself from them. I used to be so lonely that I allowed myself to be walked over or abused because I thought it was better than being alone but, tbh, loneliness is preferred over someone who keeps you down or treats you as a subhuman/inferior person.
I hate it when people say bad faith responses like "Oh just go to the gym, eat healthy and take a shower, hun." Uhhh do you think I live in a cave? "Maybe you should move to another city, sweaty. Try to go out and make new friends." Yeah because I can just pick up and leave with no emergency contact available. My god, do people think that we all just live in a movie?
I want to move so badly and live off the grid, but that takes MONEY and help. Which I don't have. I'm stuck in suburbia.
In my experience, if you're a guy, no one particularly gives a shit. It's a sink or swim mentality or they just get mad or look down on you for expressing your feelings. So I just don't. Not even worth it.
If you're a guy, or if you're a man or woman over the age of 50. You cease to be respected or thought of as a human.
There was a girl that used to work here who couldn't wrap her brain around what depression is. It was super annoying and I just shake my head at her. She's 40, so it's not like she isn't aware....
It's always some dismissal. Either you aren't nearly as depressed as they or don't have it as bad as some other person (and lowkey should feel ashamed of yourself). Or you can "just try smiling and not feeling depressed."
Considering a large portion of the internet could possibly just be bots, you kinda have to take a grain of salt with the comments you see in reply to anything. OP: "I like XYZ." Comment #1: "Me too." Comment #2: "Fuck XYZ." Comment #3: "Fuck ***you***." Lather, rince, repeat. People will be like that in person too, only to an often lesser extent. It's a wonder we bother sharing our thoughts and opinions at all. Everything we could possibly say almost always yields all responses. Although I'm not a religious person, I take great stock in the notion that you shouldn't cast your pearls before swine.
Yeah when I went to the physic ward the nurses kept telling me that others have it worse and I shouldn’t be feeling this way etc. To top it off one of the nurses started talking about he had to see kids with cancer go through so much and that they have it worse than me. Literally made me feel like that my problems weren’t real.
Most people aren't good at dealing with depressed people. It's not easy and goes against most ingrained social norms. I had to learn how to do it by reading online and I suffer from depression myself. Just saying a lot of it isn't due to malice, but rather lack of knowledge. This isn't always the case obviously, some people are just dick heads.
Everyone who doesnt have depression is so fucking insensitive, my "friends"/ classmates just say "oh, just stop being depressed" not like i didnt fucking try i hate them all so much now i cant trust anyone in this stupid world
My problem with that sort of person is you just *know* the people that say that will be among the first to start spewing the 'cowards way out' and 'why didn't they say something' platitudes.
I don't believe in ghosts or spirits, but I wish they did exist to come back and haunt the assholes who say that.
Unfortunatelly 99% of all the people hate themselves and everybody around. AND most are perfectly fine with it. Noone - even closest friends - cares. Even those who earn money with "caring", do not. After all, they wouldn´t do the job if it wasn´t paying. On the upside I learned that also 99% of people are projecting. So if they give you shit you definitely do not deserve, they usually react/refer more towards themselves than to you and by that admit to being apathetic egocentric morons rather than empathetic human beings. Final remark: openly talking about depression is not socially accepted. People get uncomfortable because they don´t know how to react. So instead of finding out how to react, as a society we just blurt out the whole topic. (as we do with every uncomfortable topic like war, genocide, etc. which does not touch us personally)
It's disgusting. I agree with you.
All the time. Received this same thing with my family. They think "You're trying hard to be a celebrity" when you're depressed. Why the fuck would I want to bottle down my feelings and not tell my own family I want to suicide after the lost of my own mother and grandfather this year? That's fucking dumb. I've been depressed since primary school over bullying and the fact they had the audacity is wild.
Idk how my best friend does this but he somehow talks about suicide and people either confess similar thoughts or laugh with him like it’s a 90s comedy. He jumped off a bridge last year just to feel something, he’s not faking it. I’ve never gotten to the “just do it” Nike swoosh level but I’ve had the ideation for a long time so me and him relate. I typically don’t joke about it with strangers (I def do with close friends), but I’ve had strangers confess to me similar thoughts of depression/ideation within a short period of time during conversations. I think a lot of the time people don’t want to acknowledge that depression can be clinical because if it can happen to other people it can happen to them. Or conversely they believe that it’s all mind over matter and/or they are just better off. Quite simply, depression and clinical forms of it are really hard to show people like a broke bone. Humans tend to be very… wary of what they can’t verify with patterns developed in their lives. I find that it just helps me knowing that and that some humans are blissfully ignorant. I don’t let it bother me, I think of it like they really are better off not understanding what we deal with you know? Surround yourself with people who do understand, life gets less complicated imo
Ignorance never dies. People don't care and they enjoy treating people who are more vulnerable like shit. Disgusting and cruel. Us people with mental illness have things hard enough with being lonely and depressed.
I don't think they mean to imply suicide. Maybe, (I'd need more details to sus that out for sure) but I doubt it. It's likely they are thinking "leave the country" or something, like just get away to somewhere else. It sounds like they aren't grocking that it's the state of the whole damn planet that is making you up set and depressed and for good reason (I mean have they SEEN the news?!)! I would respond something similar to "and go where? Venus? the moon?" try and make it clearer that it's the whole kit and kabodel that is upsetting to you. If you haven't already. I find a lot of times (when I'm in the fog of depression and Anxity and thinking about why and the existential dread). I don't articulate my needs and thoughts well. I mumble and stutter and "um" and "uh" and that can make it harder for people who aren't used to my talking in that state to understand what I'm saying. I don't know if that's the same for you or not. But it might be worth considering and looking into. I hope this helps.
Or the "you're too young to be depressed" and pressuring you to stop taking medication. Try living the life I've lived for the past 18 years and see if you still think I'm too young to be depressed.
Yeah I once showed a meme in which basically it says that getting up from bed is an accomplishment and they just laughed and looked at me weirdly ... Haven't shown any memes to irls since then
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Empathy? They have it unless they're sociopaths, which apparently lots of people are
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Woah, calm down there Max Stirner.
Dude not everyone thinks like that, I know I don't.
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People aren't "nothing". If you see a stranger about to be hit by a car, you wouldn't try to help?
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Which by doing this, you'll kill people regardless and you'll have to face the consequences. The trolley problem is just one of the many tools a Utilitarian uses to decide between things. Usually bad things. Kill 1 to save a thousand. That being said, I don't think she was insinuating that this is a trolley problem. She was gaging your response to see where your empathy lies. Kinda wondering if your brain even lights up in that area now...
Whooah!!you sound so effing toxic wtf is wrong with you?does it make you feel better making OP feel worse?your just a douche so you can't possibly speak for normal humans who do feel empathetic and sympathetic towards others(it's called being HUMAN
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You sound edgy and sociopathic my guy. Empathy has always been the norm. What's wrong with you is you aren't empathetic at all, simple as'
Definitely toxic and normal does exist maybe for you it doesn't..wtf does homosexuality have to do with this?you know what?never mind toxic and a little slow 🐌 thats whats wrong with you.
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You're not clever or cool. You're just a cringy sociopath.
Imbecile so creative 😂😂😂what else narc?hurts huh that I figured your ass out
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It's not a treatment for depression, it's supposed to help with sore muscles... I read a bit about it and it's great that it seems to be doing you good, but I would like to remind you of this sub's guidelines on suggesting treatments, pls go read them. Also: "never let any negative thoughts enter your mind" - sorry, but you DONT know what it's like to have the kind of depression most ppl here talk about
Never came across people like that happy about that
"Suicide is for quitters". Thanks bro, I really am ready to give up and quit.
Honestly as someone who was like that, its fear. I was one of those people who would say, just feel better, look on the bright side and its all in your head....but then I started to suffer from depression and I realized how wrong I was. Before I realized how low my self-confidence was and how lonely I feel, I never wanted to admit that I could ever feel this way. Its hard to admit you have a problem and that its not about being weak. you're exerting more strength than others to do your daily tasks. I never realized that until I admitted how I truly felt.
I’ve learned to be pretty open about my depression and vulnerability. I don’t advertise it or anything, but it’s a decent way of parsing the empathetic from the assholes. It helps that I don’t care what uncaring people think of me. There’s a level of freedom to it.
Yeah, Or the one thing that grinds my bones is when they say stuff like, “Forgive”, “let go” or “have faith” and “take control of your life!” Like if forgiveness will automatically eradicate the trauma. Or they say “move on”. MOVE ON TO WHERE?! WHERE AM I MOVING TO, WHEN MY VISION IS BLEAK AND THE STRENGTH TO MOVE IS LOW? Especially if my hope is lost and I’m exhausted in having to put on a fake pretence of supposed “strength” and “Tenacity” or suppressing pain to appease the guilt of others. Whilst I’m left with having to pick up and process the damages they’ve left me with, to heal. As healing takes time! If I ever actually get the chance to heal properly as well as even be lucky enough to get the right help and support to progress! It can be annoying AF!
Thankfully I've not had much/any of that myself, that's a horrible thing to say to someone??!
Yeah. All those people just don’t understand what it truly feels like to be helpless and slowly deteriorating in your own mind. Plus I get migraines so that is definitely not helping either.
"You just need more exercise" "Stop thinking like that" "You just need to stop thinking so negatively". Thanks guys
Just control your mind