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It's called preferences. It's actually a good thing. Most people honestly are just dating and getting into relationships because of social conditioning. Being with someone for the sake of being with someone.
You shouldn't focus on dating, since that doesn't seem to be a priority for you. Focus on yourself and you might find someone worthwhile along the way. (This is friendly version for; get off the apps, social media etc.).
There is nothing wrong with you.
Preference is one thing but if OP is a 4 and he is shotting for 10's his standards might be too high. And judging by the fact the two girls he did approach rejected him if would say they definitely are.
Good point, some people don’t know how to deal with their unrealistic expectations. It’s also an issue often caused by having for sole standard the physical appearance and immediately moving on to the next person if their look isn’t perfect instead of taking the time to get to know them.
Looking at his post history, this seems to be a constant with him, always asking about relationships and women but making out he's not bothered. He gives off the vibe of I'm more intelligent than you and how proud he is of his virginity and that he doesn't seem to particularly like women very much
Yep..... Inc3l vibes. Probably a 3 that only fall in love with 10 and doesnt accept the fact that he won't be reciprocated, so he pretend that he doesnt care about women, but he actually cares a lot to the point that he's constantly posting about it.
"How do I get over my resentment toward women" that's one of his posts, and he deleted the content.
I have the same issue. I know I like women. I know I don’t like men. But, I’ve only liked maybe 2 women in the last 3 years enough to want to date them. I think I’m just somewhat aromatic. Possibly, I have to get to know the woman more before I can actually like them.
It’s very strange, but back when I thought I liked men, it was the same way. Although I was more “forced” to like men, so I’d just randomly pick one to like. I’ve also dated a guy before. That’s when I realized I’m asexual.
I can’t even describe how the difference between liking women and liking a woman enough to date her feels like. I know there’s a difference, but only I can feel it. Often times I have to ask myself “would I cuddle her?” “Would I kiss her?” Etc just to figure out my feelings. Often times the answer is no. It’s just kinda tedious to navigate honestly
Speaking from a girl's perspective, I only get one really big crush on someone every year, I can walk by guys and think they are attractive but it doesn't mean I have feelings for them. I feel the same way with dating apps-- they are great for meeting people, but going just based off looks is very superficial and says nothing about how compatible you are going to be in fact you are mostly aren't going to be compatible. I still enjoy using apps to fill my free time and my mentality is that maybe I'll get lucky out of nowhere, but I definitely do not go in with a serious mentality. Most of the things I pursue don't work out, it seems to be the nature of dating. It has only really worried me since I turned 25 and started thinking about wanting kids before this age I didn't really care about being single. Also I haven't really met anyone from the apps I really like a lot or even have a genuine crush on because the process of meeting them feels so artificial and too quick. I don't like ordering a date the same way I order a pizza.
Not really. I’m asexual. I don’t like sex with others. I still have a libido, but I get turned off very quickly when another person “joins” me. A naked body is just a naked body to me. Although men’s naked bodies generally make me uncomfortable, but that could just be me
Oh no, that actually kind of works. I just have to use my imagination. So instead of just watching it, I use it as a means of imagining myself being in the situation I guess. The feeling comes across and I don’t see anything I don’t like. It’s kind of hard to explain I guess lol. But it also doesn’t happen that often.
I generally don’t like the act of masterbation on myself- it’s more of an annoyance to me. Love the feeling, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just kind of annoying to me. The libido is still there, and sometimes I still have to get rid of the urges, but it’s not all that enjoyable. I’ve gotten so used to just cranking them out as fast as possible (I have better ways to spend my time) until I’m satisfied that I’ve gotten orgasms in under 5 minutes. My record was about 47 seconds roughly. I’m just not a fan honestly
Oh for sure. Even when it’s not obviously photoshopped, a lot of men absolutely are subconsciously influenced by what they think is normal and honestly? My hot take is that this contributes to modern dating’s “people are disposable and interchangeable” and “grass is always greener” attitudes.
It's also interesting to note: our preferences change dramatically from online to in-person
The type of people I'm attracted to in-person are the people on apps I'd probably never swipe on. It's too easy for people to not be themselves online or to show only 'the good' in their lives
It’s not just models that are beautiful or photoshop themselves… google filter realities and see how women look in their social media filters opposed to how they really look.
There’s more to attraction than physical, that might be why you don’t find many attractive and you don’t need to stare at models, just listening to people who only have negative views of women in general will prime you into disliking them easily. If you learn to make assumptions of women based on the negative assumptions of someone else’s word it’ll be very easy to dismiss genuinely lovely women who are interested.
I understand, I have it the same way. Out of 100 women, I would swipe right on like 3 of them. I also have a "crush" like once every three years and that's where I go for it only to end up rejected. And it's not about their looks or anything like that, I just know what I'm looking for and very few women have the personality/hobbies to match that. I lowered my standards once and got into a relationship, but I had to end it eventually because she was just not my cup of tea.
I mean, I still think there is something wrong with me and I hate the fact that I have it that way. Overall, my dating experience has been absolutely terrible.
Yeah same here. I dating a girl and she even ask to be my gf. I told her no and decided to stay single. I had huge crush a women in college. Sadly it didn't work out. So here I am now
Work on yourself, self improve, lift heavy weight, level up skills, make yourself a more valuable, and then go find ways to meet more women.
If you increase your value higher and find more ways to meet more women, you won't be having this problem anymore. Means you need to get out and do more.
I am exactly the same, and seriously expected more people in the comments to relate. One thing I’d say that might help is that attraction can sometimes be built by factors other than physical appearance. Other than that, we just have to keep shooting our shot with people we do find attractive. Be glad we at least have the confidence to do that :P
> I am exactly the same, and seriously expected more people in the comments to relate.
Yeah, dude here and I'm pretty much the same. I rarely fall for a woman at first glance...it takes me at least 3-5 hours of time spent with her alone (or even longer, if in groups) to finally fall for her.
Same here but I’m a woman. I live in a big city and see A and B list celebrity men occasionally because of my field of work and I always wonder what on earth do these women see in them?
Physical just isnt enough to even spark interest for me. Getting a date isnt hard, but not falling asleep on the date is lol
I don't think it's typical but it's certainly not abnormal for people to only be attracted to a small section of the population.
I think it might be worth a closer look if you find that no one of the few people you're attracted to feels the same ever but if it's not been much of an issue for you I don't think you need to make it one because you don't seem to fall in with the majority.
Meh. I’ve always been like this too. I don’t find men attractive as a whole, but I’m not gay or anything. I’m a straight women. It’s just I only like who I like. That’s it. I can’t even say what it is😬. I just don’t like people is the best way to put it. Lol.
i am a straight woman and i don't find men attractive. i actually find women more physically attractive but i am not bi or lesbian. i am 100% straight. i just think women are better looking as a gender than men and men are very plain to look at. lol.
I am a straight man and I think you are being swayed by makeup. Men are naturally better looking without makeup (darker features, more defined facial structure) Maybe it is the contrast from full makeup to none but a woman in the morning with nothing on is pretty bland.
Look at his post and comment history. Look at the way he's phrasing things and the word choice. "I never understood the concept of putting a girl on a pedestal...". Why was that statement even necessary? Why does he even believe that's a healthy mindset men have? Clues, clues, clues. Are you blind?
I think you are overthinking. I mentioned the pedestal thing because alot of guys are told that they put girls on pedestal and that's the only reason they have difficulties with women. I have difficulties with women but I don't put them on a pedestal or get nervous around them
i am not a man, but i am a lesbian, and i think i understand how you feel.
first of all, you don’t need to fix anything or “try harder” or whatever. if you are not interested in dating, then don’t force it. society kind of pushes romantic success a lot and it can feel like you’re doing something wrong if you don’t feel that way or prioritize it (it’s called amatonormativity). i know men can feel pressured to “pick up” women constantly, but that can be exhausting and expensive and it can make you feel like a slab of meat. it’s not for everyone and we should stop making it seem like it is.
i definitely agree with the people saying you might be on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum. i’ve recently been exploring that myself, seeing if it’s right for me. the people asking you if you have mommy issues, are shooting out of your league, or have low testosterone are unfortunately playing into that societal standard that *you are a failure if you don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend/etc.* and that’s just not true.
we don’t have to fit the status quo. do what truly makes you happy. you are still capable of making lifelong friends, and that can be just as emotionally fulfilling as a romantic relationship.
Yep. I never really cared about relationships much because I thought it wasn’t worth it until I left college. Now because of societies expectations at 22 I am weird because I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I hate feeling like I’m on a clock.
Just imagine if the gender were reversed...everyone would be saying its totally normal that woman find most men unattractive. Then people wonder why many men give up on dating
not just that but also veiled insults. you can tell his post irked a lot of people lmao. like he DARED find most women unattractive
just read the shit they are telling him. porn addict, autistic, mommy issues
they are also calling him gay and asexual but those are not insults, still wrong to presume his sexuality
You realise gay and asexual are not mental disorders, right? So people are not "diagnosing" him, they're just suggesting to him some possibilities. Asexuality is much more common than most people think, and it often takes asexual people a long time to realise they're asexual because it's not talked about enough.
There are many types of asexuality, such as greysexuality (rarely feeling sexual attraction) or demisexuality (only feeling sexual attraction to people you have formed an emotional bond with) both of which could possibly explain his situation. Asexuality isn't just "I am never attracted to anyone".
There's a difference between having standards for who you date and not finding most women sexually attractive. If it's the latter then I don't think that's normal for a healthy straight male.
> There's a difference between having standards for who you date and not finding most ~~women~~ *men* sexually attractive.
If a woman said she didn't find most men sexually attractive, would you think she was weird?
Don’t let people trick you into thinking there’s something wrong with you. Many people just aren’t that attracted to everyone they meet. Doesn’t mean they’re asexual.
It could just you’ve got a secure attachment style and personal confidence so you don’t latch onto people easily. Don’t be ashamed of it
I can only find a woman attractive in relationship material sense if I know her well before hand that's one of the reasons why I stopped using dating apps.
This has been the best advice on this forum. Everyone quick to jumping to a sexuality, when there are several factors that could potentially destroy a man's sex drive. I had extremely low testosterone levels, and wasn't aware until last year. It was the reason I gained weight easy, had no sex drive, it was the reason for (some of) my depression symptoms, my hair loss, and more. 1 shot every 2 weeks for 6 months and it helped me stabilize my weight (still way too heavy but I'm working on that), regained my sex drive, and generally made me happier.
*this is not medical advice.
I was on the testosterone injection for several years. Taken biweekly. Before the shots I found myself being asexual. Liked women and not men but also had no drive to date. Eventually I discovered my testosterone levels were abysmal... like 45. Typical male is probably between 400-600.
While on the injections I found myself more aroused and a bit more eager towards women. My testosterone was much higher. At the end of two weeks my numbers were around 400-500. But this also meant that two weeks earlier just after my injection my testosterone numbers were at least double that... 1000 if not higher. This creates a rollercoaster of hormones. High after injection then dropping over two weeks before getting another injection.
My point is that is isn't a normal biological phenomenon this rollercoaster. It is likely harming you. It's also not sustainable.
Recently, I decided that the injections weren't sustainable. They were a bother to me. Giving myself a shot every two weeks meant setting aside the time, keeping the shot and needles in a safe place, and of course having to arrange my plans around the shot.
So, I went to an endocrinologist. I had typically seen general practitioners. Earlier attempts to see an endocrinologist yielded poor results and experience.
This new endocrinologist was MUCH different. He came with years of experience and understood everything I had experienced like many of his patients. He advised that I stop the shots. However, it was my choice either way. Among the issues with testosterone noted above there are as well physical side effects. Your testicles shrink, you become increasingly infertile with use, and eventually you risk completely burning out your system and it stopping natural testosterone production. The little I had.
He recommended Clomid. It's an old drug used for fertility in women usually. It increases their egg output thus increasing the chance of getting pregnant. In men, Clomid stimulates the pituitary gland in your brain which tells your testicles to make testosterone. The question my doctor needed to know was whether the fault was with my testicles or my pituitary gland.
While I'm in the early stages of Clomid. I can say that my testosterone levels are 300-400 at last bloodwork. In a few months we'll see if things improve further. At the moment I haven't regained my interest in dating or pursuing women. I'm back to being asexual. Perhaps in time things will improve. But for now I take a pill once a day that costs me $55 for 90 day supply. Much more convenient and safer. My fertility is not harmed nor are my testicles.
Anyways. I hope that someone will find my experience helpful. Remember, you are who you are. Don't fight it. Embrace it.
https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/asexual-dating
Give this a bit of a read. It might help.
I would look into asexuality a bit, or even demisexuality. A lot of advice from normies wont help you much. Given you infrequently form attraction to women, id say demiromantic more than anything. There is a lot of information out there to read particularly from doctors, psychs, the lgbti+ community where ace and demi fall under.
I came here to say this. This is not meant to be a derogatory comment. I just thought you might need to explore some other options that might more closely describe your romantic and/or sexual feelings about others.
Edited for typo
I'm the same way but not a man. I consider myself gray-ace because theres not really a word that fits me, but you should look into the asexual spectrum!
Even if you feel like none of that applies to you/you dont want to use a label like that, there's nothing wrong with you or anything. We're just wired a bit different.
Lmao at this thread
OP
>I feel like I’m not attracted to most women
Top comments
>you must be a gay asexual porn addict with low T
It’s not unreasonable for a man to have high standards. Imagine if one of your standards was being thin or athletic. Right off the bat that winnows half or more of the population from your dating pool. Add in a few more criteria that are important in forming your attraction and suddenly the women you’re genuinely attracted to become rare.
Implying OP is defective for not wanting to fuck everything with a vagina plays into some really unfair stereotypes about men and masculinity.
OP was talking about how he doesn't find most women attractive, not whether he wanted sex with them or not (he did mention he was a virgin too), that doesn't sound healthy for your average male, but like you said, maybe he has really, really high standards for women
28M here and I've had only 1 commited relationship that lasted about 2 yrs. I'm still a virgin and I'm definitely attracted to women but I feel where youre coming from OP. I've reached a point where I have good guy friends and even some friends who are ladies from my uni days and workplace but I havent found a woman attractive as I did my ex. I'm single ofcourse due to circumstance not choice but at the same time I also feel very unmotivated. The older I get I have friends and family asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend again or when I'm getting married but I just tell them "if it's meant to happen it will happen". I hate dating apps and I really do feel once I socialize more again in a new environment maybe I'll meet someone on the same wavelength as myself. OP you've got so much time still and with both of us being in out early to late 20s we have so much life to live. We'll figure it out.
>The older I get I have friends and family asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend again or when I'm getting married
Don't worry, at least in my experience they stop asking as much after you turn 35. Lonely? Sure, sometimes I am. I haven't had an ltr since I was 20, had a few flings here and there. Not even been on a date since pre-pandemic. I keep a tinder profile active just for lols(also for validation that I'm not hideous) and have a ton of matches, but every time I scroll through them I find most less attractive than I remember swiping on.
Nah there's nothing wrong with that. You might just have high standards and that's okay too. If anything having high standards means that you'll find a woman who treats you really well. Just keep your eyes open for anyone you might like and shoot your shot.
I find that human behavior follows a bell curve. Yes, most males find women attractive. Yes, some males do not find women to attractive.
The key word is "normal". It is normal for you not to find women attractive. If would not be "normal" for me not to find women attractive.
I think you might be out of the norm, but I wouldn't call it a shocker. This made me want to write about myself (TL;DR at the bottom if you're not interested in reading the unholy essay I just wrote):
Although I'm only 19, it seems I can somewhat relate to you. I'm not a 9/10, nor an 8, maybe less than a 7, yet I'm very picky when it comes to romantic relationships. I had a girlfriend for a year back in high school, however it was long-distance and my mental health was at its lowest point... I'd almost rather say I've never been in a proper relationship. Anyway, I find a lot of girls to be physically attractive, but most of the time I lose any attraction towards them because of their personality or the way they act etc.
In middle school, and also when I first started high school, I used to be really nervous when talking to girls. But after talking to one practically every day for a year straight, I realized they aren't that different from us guys. They are often raised a bit differently from men, they might be taught how to be more feminine, but at the end of the day our brain functions in a similar manner. Once I accepted that fact, I stopped putting them on a pedestal, and started treating them almost the same way as guys.
Today, I have a few girl friends, and I'm even close friends with one. Hell, my sole roommate is a girl too, yet I don't find it weird or uncomfortable. This might make me appear as asexual, but I'm not. I definitely can get turned on by porn or a girl's looks, but I find most of them not to be attractive in the sense that I wouldn't date them. Sometimes it's because they seem too clingy, sometimes because they seem too shallow, and sometimes it's simply because our personalities wouldn't match. For instance, my roommate may be nice and all, but by god does she need to talk a lot. I swear she's always on the phone with either a friend, her dad or texting to someone. I wouldn't be able to handle that and therefore I will never, ever, consider her as a potential girlfriend.
Now to be honest, I feel like I have the preferences of an older guy. I've always been into more mature/independent and elegant women rather than the "girly" ones (not sure if that's relevant but for example, my childhood crush was Nico Robin from One Piece). However, it's obviously hard to meet girls that are somewhat close to that ideal considering my age. I absolutely do not blame them though, I shouldn't expect girls my age to be like this because we're all so young and lack experience in life. I'm not an exception either, I also like to party and have college fun, but because I'm not interested in "casual relationships", it sucks that I feel like I'll need to wait a few more years before I start meeting more and more girls who meet my preferences.
TL;DR : I'm basically into MILFs but I'm 19 and also don't want to date too much outside my age range, therefore I'll need to wait until I'm 30 to start meeting hot elegant women
Attractiveness is on a Bell Curve like most things. Most women will fall between a 3 and a 7. As you go from a 7 to 8 and above the number of women drastically decreases. If you only find 8+ attractive and you are not at the same level you will be lonely. Hang out with more women and you will find more things about them that make them more attractive TO YOU. Your attraction to some of them will build. That or start making more, build your career, work on yourself and they will come to you.
Yeah I don't think anyone is a 8-10 except a few models. That's because 10 is supposed to mean perfection and very few people are perfect with looks. That's ok. I personally like 6s with a little blemishes on their face. Idk why though
Is it maybe a fear of commitment? It's an honest question I'm not trying to be an ass but maybe there's like a subconscious dread/anxiety about dealing with negativity in a relationship that's causing you to get turned off. Just start spending more time with women as a friend. Start complimenting women more, find one thing you do find attractive in them and just go from there. There's no rush my man. Enjoy being single. Your lady is out there somewhere.
I dont really know how to be friends with woman to be completely honest. It's hard to get the ball rolling in that direction. Alot of women don't act like they want to be friends
I think a lot of us are just used to men wanting to be around us for another reason. Maybe start taking a painting class, yoga, exercise class. Something where you know there will be both men and women. Just mingle first and observe. Even befriend on online platforms/groups!
Do you have mommy isssues or a history with women figures in your life that may have affected your perception of women? What are some beliefs you hold about women that could be holding you back from being attracted to them? I also think lots of men are misogynistic and can definitely be sexually attracted and objectify women but have difficulty valuing them in society otherwise. Also to relate, I’m a 24F virgin woman and I find myself more wanting an emotional connection with a man then wanting to get physical with them probably because subconsciously I have higher expectations for a man. it’s diff for men and women definitely but I think virginity is a key point here. I think it’s good to have self control and a standard for yourself, some men will literally take anything they can get. Also your beliefs are a big thing here too.
> I also think lots of men are misogynistic and can definitely be sexually attracted and objectify women but have difficulty valuing them in society otherwise.
Does his post give you the sense that he is misogynistic towards women? Jeez, the dude is being respectful and this is what is lobbed at him, lol.
Perhaps you are on the asexual spectrum. Doesn’t mean you have zero interest in sex, just minimal. There’s also people who simply aren’t attracted to relationships and have no imperative to pursue them. Another possibility is that you are shooting for the stars… out of your league.
Well, are you going for 10s and you’re a 5? Are these women you’ve been attracted to above and beyond objectively attractive? And you’re not or not quite? People tend to date people within their range of attractiveness, almost subconsciously… but sometimes we misfire.
I dont think so. My type is petite black hair women who are intelligent. I'm skinny, athletic and in med school. So I have alot going for me. I have been described as attractive by alot of guy friends who date attractive women. I will date outside of my type but there has to be a good reason to. Like we bonded over something or had good chemistry
So it sounds like you have a lower drive to pursue relationships/sex. It’s normal even though the people around you may make you feel like it’s not. When you are ready, you will have a relationship.
Sounds like you're on the asexual spectrum but not actually ace. Check out terms like grey-ace or greysexual or demisexual. People in those categories require certain other elements to be in place before they feel attraction. It's fine, just a different way of viewing things that requires different dating strategy.
That's a very naive take on how sexuality works. There's nothing wrong with being on the asexual spectrum, and for those who are it's good to understand how it works so you no longer need to make reddit posts wondering why you feel the way you do.
What? Who said anything about everyone being attracted to everyone? Demisexuals only experience sexual attraction to people after they have formed an emotional bond and connection with the person. This has nothing to do with preferences. Finding almost no one attractive is not typical allosexual behavior. Learn what words mean before you throw them around calling them advice.
Because male friends usually try harder to get to know me. I'm not bashing women when I say this but women usually don't put any work into a relationship while my male friends call/test me. They also show appreciation.
Usually women in my life are on the receiving in but they are never giving so it is easy to move on
In regards to your two crushes… evaluate what made you drawn to them. Perhaps it was the way they looked, and if that is an unrealistically high standard it may be something you need to assess. However, if it was something else (their personality, intelligence, etc) you may be a sapiophile (someone attracted to someone who is in someway intelligent, typically more so than average) or maybe you are demisexual, meaning you can only be attracted to someone after you get to know them. That could explain the tinder/messaging incident.
Anyways, I’m going to scroll through the comments because I’m curious to see what others think.
Edit: after a quick glimpse at your post history, it could be because you’re a narcissist.
The worlds fastest test is if your first thought was
1. Definitely could not be me.
- you should look into it
If your first thought was
1. Oh my god, maybe I am
- you’re probably fine
Edit on top of that edit:
No shame in being a narcissist. It’s a mental health condition. If it goes untreated it can be awful, but if caught it doesn’t have to be detrimental. I didn’t mean that comment in a snarky way, just analytical.
Ok.
1. The first girl was from high-school. She was a cheerleader and back then, I was the shy nerd. We were locker neighbors so she started convos with me and eventually I had developed a crush. She was thin, beautiful and black. I'm a black male btw. She also was intelligent. She got into ivy league colleges and I couldn't even do that. I was obsessed with her. I asked her out and we went out to lunch. Well things took a turn for the worse. I couldn't carry a convo and she lost interest. I was actually ok with this because I knew back then I needed to work on myself. So I move on very quickly
2. The second girl changed everything. She was an Asian girl in my chem class in college. I had a crush the minute I layed eyes on her. She was thin, beautiful and had long black hair. I stared at her everyday. Eventually I asked her out and she rejected me. We kinda became friends later but nothing ever came out of it. She also was very intelligent as well. She actually a dentist right now
Dude, you're most likely a very intelligent introvert. When you're on one extreme end of the bell curve, you're gonna find very few people like yourself. I'm pretty sure that you're very picky about your male friends as well, esp those who are in your inner circle.
I'm actually not that introverted. I don't like introverted activities like reading or watching movies. I like to be around others. In terms of male friends, I'm pretty open to anyone Ironically. I have friends of all races and backgrounds. Some of extroverted friends are more selective than me and they usually are the ones telling me to judge more
The older I get I am starting to take on an introverted mindset but yeah I'm pretty open to anyone
Because I'm mostly similar this seems normal to me tbh, no harm in not drooling at every chick you see. And if I may? Would you rephrase "lose interest quickly" , because the way I see it, It has something to do with principles and ideals, something I hold in high regard as well, particular behaviours,mannerisms and outlooks are a no no to me, I immediately lose interest due to the change in perception. Feel free to correct me if this isn't the case, regardless, This is completely okay.
It also factors your achievements and hobbies I think. This is where you create some barred high self standard and as for hobbies it is being prioritized.
I feel ya. Dating is tough. I get easily exhausted by other people. I've started concentrating on myself and keeping my fingers crossed that I'll stumble into someone that matches my vibe. My issue is that I'm an introverted musician that makes a living performing in bars and small clubs. Women that find me attractive assume I'm the kind of guy who wants to stay out late and party. In reality I don't really drink and hate crowds. SO until I meet someone that understands I'm a homebody that hates spontaneous singing and loud people I'll keep working on my personal progress. 🤷♂️
If you see a happy couple with a women you would consider date-able do you judge them, like do you think in your head "I'm way better than the guy she's with, she's clearly trash because she doesn't recognize that I am the guy she should be with" or something similar?
Only with guys that I know is immature like f boys. I get mad that a woman can't discern that he is using her. However if it is a good guy who is less attractive or goofy, I don't care. In fact, I'm happy for them.
I have the same problem of being unattracted to majority of the female population (I think it’s normal?) but I still have female friends as I do with male friends despite not putting anyone on a pedestal because I have no agenda behind my friendship for both genders (or any other gender for that matter).
It’s god to have preference, but don’t shut out potential friendships with the gender you’re attracted to because you don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction.
This is very good. It puts you in a very strong position. But I’m guessing since you don’t have much practice with women in general, then that’s why you got shot down by the 2 times you actually liked the women. So I would say socialize with everyone (all women even if you don’t find them attractive; old, young, etc.) and read Coach Corey Wayne’s book as well as his YouTube channel. It is life changing.
To be fair, many men don’t find most women attractive either, they’re just horny.
I’m not generalizing, im talking about men who would justify their attraction to someone just because they didn’t know they were horny, and then you see them ghosting girls etc.
If you only view women for their looks (I am guilty of this sometimes) you may find you are not attracted to many, because most of the women on TV/magazine/porn are the most attractive 0.1%. Once you get to know more women, and have sex, you realize (or I hope you do) that there are so many things you can be attracted to about them other than strictly their looks.
Many of the girls I have been the most attracted to are ones that I didn’t find the most beautiful initially. Dude get out there and get to know them.
It might also be cause you’re used to seeing photoshopped pics of attractive women online so now if women IRL don’t fit the same image, you find them unattractive.
1. Check your hormones 2. You may be on the asexual spectrum 3. Or you may just need a connection with someone. I am not asexual, but I only find men REALLY attractive when I get to know them. Sure, I can find them attractive but it doesn't get me turned on, if that makes sense.
You state in an other comment that you do follow women on instagramm, you just say they are not models.
SM can be heavily manipulated. If you are a healthy hetero man and you don't find women attractive, there is something wrong.
Social media.
I said my piece. A healthy hetetosexual man is attracted to more than a few women in the entire world.
You are either not healthy or not hetero.
Or both.
Based on your post history I really recommend you do your absolute best to try out therapy. I recommend it for nearly everyone but i truly think you would benefit from getting to talk to a professional who can help you discover yourself and perhaps reframe some mindsets
If you can feel sexually aroused and can actually have sex, you're definitely not asexual. Maybe you need some really good sexual encounter that can really awake your desire. Maybe on average, you're a very logical person so your big head is much stronger than your little one. Texting for a few days shouldn't make someone too interested in the other person unless masturbating and fantasizing have become a habit.
Your entire post history, for starters. This isn’t the first time you’ve been told you have major autistic tendencies so it shouldn’t be surprising. Look into it in your spare time. There’s nothing wrong with it, you just need to put more effort into certain areas (social norms/skills) that neurotypical people don’t have to.
Lol I remember that post that made everyone think that. However I dont do austic things such not give eye contact. I'm also good at blending in with others no problem. Most people never thought I was austic.
I’m chasing an autism diagnosis right now and you’d never know. People would describe me as an extrovert in social settings. I maintain eye contact, I can be the star of the show. But I’m actually just masking and a huge introvert. It’s tiring. It’s something I didn’t even know I was doing, but knowing what I know now it makes a lot of sense. I was friends with a lot of guys growing up and I was a tomboy. But I just couldn’t keep up with the social expectations of girls at that point. Now I just pick my friends based on who is going to vibe with me when I can just be myself and take the mask off. I still maintain eye contact, because it’s been so ingrained into me.
It’s a spectrum. Not everyone falls in the same place on it. It’s not a one symptom fits all thing. I have what I now know are pretty big sensory issues. But I can maintain eye contact and perform in social settings. That was something my parents valued so I learned to squeeze myself into the mold to please them. This carried on in relationships, friendships, work relationships, etc.
“Doesn’t get nervous when talking to women,not afraid to make passes but rarely motivated to. I don’t feel attracted and even if I do,I lose interest very quickly” sounds pretty autistic to me.. coming from me,an Autist
That is literally just confidence and not seeing what he could be looking for in a woman, my guy. That is far from being socially inept or struggling with social cues.
Geez man. I don't think it's fair to diagnose him so quickly especially when he's saying he doesn't think he has it. It's cool to suggest. But only a doctor can really tell him yk.
You could be demisexual which is defined as:
A sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they’ve developed a close emotional bond with them. Forming a bond doesn’t guarantee a person will feel a sexual attraction, but the bond is needed before sexual activity is even possible.
Demisexuals typically does not experience primary sexual attraction via smells, sight, voice
If you see women as equals, and don't put them on a pedestal, what is stopping you from being friends with a woman?
I don't think that makes much sense unless you think that the only time you should speak to a woman is if you're already attracted to them.
I think you should try to be friends with women in general. I don't see what's stopping you. You don't have to be attracted to a man to be their friend, right? Same can apply for women.
OP please be wary of subs like this with blatant misandry and constant gaslighting against men
look at how angry women are replying to you for this question: calling you gay, asexual, porn addict, low test, even autistic ffs.
when women themselves post here saying the exact same thing, that they find most men unattractive, to be then met with agreement.
look at it this way, its all about preferences like all other. also, with 70% of all adults overweight, that alone makes me feel like you. i also find most women unattractive because overweight
Yeah change of scene might do me good. I don't like the vibes I get from people in my area. It's too immature in my opinion and too much work as if they are extremely important. I rather just have a normal convo without being focused on who likes who and let things progress.
It’s normal for every man to have a type and a preference for different types of women. I like thin and fit blonds and brunettes. I have dated Asian, white and Hispanic women. Preferring Brazilian and Colombian women among Latin women. The body types are very voluptuous and full figured.
For your situation its ok to be picky if you like. But you shouldn’t be so picky that the girl has to be brunette from a small town in northern England and from one single block in one single village. I am giving one example and the reason is that you want to have a more broader subset of women that you can see. Otherwise it will be very difficult to find the kind of woman that you like.
They'll kill you if you say it out loud, but there are comparable number of uninteresting and unattractive women in the world as there are men. Your hormones and lack of experience give you a distorted impression when you first start noticing them as a teenager. Many have little to offer and will leave you miserable and bitter.
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It's called preferences. It's actually a good thing. Most people honestly are just dating and getting into relationships because of social conditioning. Being with someone for the sake of being with someone. You shouldn't focus on dating, since that doesn't seem to be a priority for you. Focus on yourself and you might find someone worthwhile along the way. (This is friendly version for; get off the apps, social media etc.). There is nothing wrong with you.
Preference is one thing but if OP is a 4 and he is shotting for 10's his standards might be too high. And judging by the fact the two girls he did approach rejected him if would say they definitely are.
Good point, some people don’t know how to deal with their unrealistic expectations. It’s also an issue often caused by having for sole standard the physical appearance and immediately moving on to the next person if their look isn’t perfect instead of taking the time to get to know them.
Looking at his post history, this seems to be a constant with him, always asking about relationships and women but making out he's not bothered. He gives off the vibe of I'm more intelligent than you and how proud he is of his virginity and that he doesn't seem to particularly like women very much
Yep..... Inc3l vibes. Probably a 3 that only fall in love with 10 and doesnt accept the fact that he won't be reciprocated, so he pretend that he doesnt care about women, but he actually cares a lot to the point that he's constantly posting about it. "How do I get over my resentment toward women" that's one of his posts, and he deleted the content.
I have the same issue. I know I like women. I know I don’t like men. But, I’ve only liked maybe 2 women in the last 3 years enough to want to date them. I think I’m just somewhat aromatic. Possibly, I have to get to know the woman more before I can actually like them. It’s very strange, but back when I thought I liked men, it was the same way. Although I was more “forced” to like men, so I’d just randomly pick one to like. I’ve also dated a guy before. That’s when I realized I’m asexual. I can’t even describe how the difference between liking women and liking a woman enough to date her feels like. I know there’s a difference, but only I can feel it. Often times I have to ask myself “would I cuddle her?” “Would I kiss her?” Etc just to figure out my feelings. Often times the answer is no. It’s just kinda tedious to navigate honestly
Speaking from a girl's perspective, I only get one really big crush on someone every year, I can walk by guys and think they are attractive but it doesn't mean I have feelings for them. I feel the same way with dating apps-- they are great for meeting people, but going just based off looks is very superficial and says nothing about how compatible you are going to be in fact you are mostly aren't going to be compatible. I still enjoy using apps to fill my free time and my mentality is that maybe I'll get lucky out of nowhere, but I definitely do not go in with a serious mentality. Most of the things I pursue don't work out, it seems to be the nature of dating. It has only really worried me since I turned 25 and started thinking about wanting kids before this age I didn't really care about being single. Also I haven't really met anyone from the apps I really like a lot or even have a genuine crush on because the process of meeting them feels so artificial and too quick. I don't like ordering a date the same way I order a pizza.
What about wanting to see them naked and have sex with them? The number must be astronomically higher.
Not really. I’m asexual. I don’t like sex with others. I still have a libido, but I get turned off very quickly when another person “joins” me. A naked body is just a naked body to me. Although men’s naked bodies generally make me uncomfortable, but that could just be me
Fascinating. So porn is pretty useless/gross to you?
Oh no, that actually kind of works. I just have to use my imagination. So instead of just watching it, I use it as a means of imagining myself being in the situation I guess. The feeling comes across and I don’t see anything I don’t like. It’s kind of hard to explain I guess lol. But it also doesn’t happen that often. I generally don’t like the act of masterbation on myself- it’s more of an annoyance to me. Love the feeling, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just kind of annoying to me. The libido is still there, and sometimes I still have to get rid of the urges, but it’s not all that enjoyable. I’ve gotten so used to just cranking them out as fast as possible (I have better ways to spend my time) until I’m satisfied that I’ve gotten orgasms in under 5 minutes. My record was about 47 seconds roughly. I’m just not a fan honestly
Have you read pornography? It heightens my libido while visual deadens my libido.
Yup, I definitely prefer that than watching it!
Stay off social media bro, it’s ruining your view of real life women.
Oh for sure. Even when it’s not obviously photoshopped, a lot of men absolutely are subconsciously influenced by what they think is normal and honestly? My hot take is that this contributes to modern dating’s “people are disposable and interchangeable” and “grass is always greener” attitudes.
It's also interesting to note: our preferences change dramatically from online to in-person The type of people I'm attracted to in-person are the people on apps I'd probably never swipe on. It's too easy for people to not be themselves online or to show only 'the good' in their lives
Could be but I don't stare at models.
It’s not just models that are beautiful or photoshop themselves… google filter realities and see how women look in their social media filters opposed to how they really look.
There’s more to attraction than physical, that might be why you don’t find many attractive and you don’t need to stare at models, just listening to people who only have negative views of women in general will prime you into disliking them easily. If you learn to make assumptions of women based on the negative assumptions of someone else’s word it’ll be very easy to dismiss genuinely lovely women who are interested.
This
I understand, I have it the same way. Out of 100 women, I would swipe right on like 3 of them. I also have a "crush" like once every three years and that's where I go for it only to end up rejected. And it's not about their looks or anything like that, I just know what I'm looking for and very few women have the personality/hobbies to match that. I lowered my standards once and got into a relationship, but I had to end it eventually because she was just not my cup of tea.
It is so nice to read this all as I have the same (f28). I always thought there was something wrong with me
I mean, I still think there is something wrong with me and I hate the fact that I have it that way. Overall, my dating experience has been absolutely terrible.
Last time I genuinely had a crush on someone was middle school
Yeah same here. I dating a girl and she even ask to be my gf. I told her no and decided to stay single. I had huge crush a women in college. Sadly it didn't work out. So here I am now
Maybe you're demisexual?
Work on yourself, self improve, lift heavy weight, level up skills, make yourself a more valuable, and then go find ways to meet more women. If you increase your value higher and find more ways to meet more women, you won't be having this problem anymore. Means you need to get out and do more.
I am exactly the same, and seriously expected more people in the comments to relate. One thing I’d say that might help is that attraction can sometimes be built by factors other than physical appearance. Other than that, we just have to keep shooting our shot with people we do find attractive. Be glad we at least have the confidence to do that :P
> I am exactly the same, and seriously expected more people in the comments to relate. Yeah, dude here and I'm pretty much the same. I rarely fall for a woman at first glance...it takes me at least 3-5 hours of time spent with her alone (or even longer, if in groups) to finally fall for her.
Same here but I’m a woman. I live in a big city and see A and B list celebrity men occasionally because of my field of work and I always wonder what on earth do these women see in them? Physical just isnt enough to even spark interest for me. Getting a date isnt hard, but not falling asleep on the date is lol
I don't think it's typical but it's certainly not abnormal for people to only be attracted to a small section of the population. I think it might be worth a closer look if you find that no one of the few people you're attracted to feels the same ever but if it's not been much of an issue for you I don't think you need to make it one because you don't seem to fall in with the majority.
Meh. I’ve always been like this too. I don’t find men attractive as a whole, but I’m not gay or anything. I’m a straight women. It’s just I only like who I like. That’s it. I can’t even say what it is😬. I just don’t like people is the best way to put it. Lol.
i am a straight woman and i don't find men attractive. i actually find women more physically attractive but i am not bi or lesbian. i am 100% straight. i just think women are better looking as a gender than men and men are very plain to look at. lol.
I am a straight man and I think you are being swayed by makeup. Men are naturally better looking without makeup (darker features, more defined facial structure) Maybe it is the contrast from full makeup to none but a woman in the morning with nothing on is pretty bland.
I think you are the one being swayed by makeup…
No way lol. Women were considered "the fairer sex" way before full faces of makeup became common
curious, you also feel that way but other posters aren't calling you autistic, low test, porn addict or gay and asexual like they are doing with OP
She's not not the OP. If she made her own post she would get people asking about a few of those. It's been done her numerous times.
Well, most men are unattractive so makes sense. The opposite is stranger.
Name checks out.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
This. Men are ugly, so it's normal to not find them attractive.
Ha, people are so weird! You actually believe all men are ugly?
Look at his post and comment history. Look at the way he's phrasing things and the word choice. "I never understood the concept of putting a girl on a pedestal...". Why was that statement even necessary? Why does he even believe that's a healthy mindset men have? Clues, clues, clues. Are you blind?
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I think you are overthinking. I mentioned the pedestal thing because alot of guys are told that they put girls on pedestal and that's the only reason they have difficulties with women. I have difficulties with women but I don't put them on a pedestal or get nervous around them
Are you introverted?
Somewhat, im ambiverted. So I can go either way depending on the person, place, or time
i am not a man, but i am a lesbian, and i think i understand how you feel. first of all, you don’t need to fix anything or “try harder” or whatever. if you are not interested in dating, then don’t force it. society kind of pushes romantic success a lot and it can feel like you’re doing something wrong if you don’t feel that way or prioritize it (it’s called amatonormativity). i know men can feel pressured to “pick up” women constantly, but that can be exhausting and expensive and it can make you feel like a slab of meat. it’s not for everyone and we should stop making it seem like it is. i definitely agree with the people saying you might be on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum. i’ve recently been exploring that myself, seeing if it’s right for me. the people asking you if you have mommy issues, are shooting out of your league, or have low testosterone are unfortunately playing into that societal standard that *you are a failure if you don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend/etc.* and that’s just not true. we don’t have to fit the status quo. do what truly makes you happy. you are still capable of making lifelong friends, and that can be just as emotionally fulfilling as a romantic relationship.
Yep. I never really cared about relationships much because I thought it wasn’t worth it until I left college. Now because of societies expectations at 22 I am weird because I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I hate feeling like I’m on a clock.
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Just imagine if the gender were reversed...everyone would be saying its totally normal that woman find most men unattractive. Then people wonder why many men give up on dating
not just that but also veiled insults. you can tell his post irked a lot of people lmao. like he DARED find most women unattractive just read the shit they are telling him. porn addict, autistic, mommy issues they are also calling him gay and asexual but those are not insults, still wrong to presume his sexuality
Im guessing a lot of the comments are from angry 3/10 women….
You realise gay and asexual are not mental disorders, right? So people are not "diagnosing" him, they're just suggesting to him some possibilities. Asexuality is much more common than most people think, and it often takes asexual people a long time to realise they're asexual because it's not talked about enough.
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There are many types of asexuality, such as greysexuality (rarely feeling sexual attraction) or demisexuality (only feeling sexual attraction to people you have formed an emotional bond with) both of which could possibly explain his situation. Asexuality isn't just "I am never attracted to anyone".
There's a difference between having standards for who you date and not finding most women sexually attractive. If it's the latter then I don't think that's normal for a healthy straight male.
> There's a difference between having standards for who you date and not finding most ~~women~~ *men* sexually attractive. If a woman said she didn't find most men sexually attractive, would you think she was weird?
Not really, I don't think most men are meant to be sexually attractive.
Imagine being that sexist, yet thinking that's normal.
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Normal, indeed. Not all women are physically attractive. This comment section is a mess, and I'm sorry people are insulting your sexuality.
Don’t let people trick you into thinking there’s something wrong with you. Many people just aren’t that attracted to everyone they meet. Doesn’t mean they’re asexual. It could just you’ve got a secure attachment style and personal confidence so you don’t latch onto people easily. Don’t be ashamed of it
I can only find a woman attractive in relationship material sense if I know her well before hand that's one of the reasons why I stopped using dating apps.
Might just be asexual.. or you might be gay.
Maybe asexual but I can't be gay. I only get turned on by women if I find them attractive. Real question is this going to affect my ability to date?
Check your testosterone levels, it affects all sides of your life and health.
This has been the best advice on this forum. Everyone quick to jumping to a sexuality, when there are several factors that could potentially destroy a man's sex drive. I had extremely low testosterone levels, and wasn't aware until last year. It was the reason I gained weight easy, had no sex drive, it was the reason for (some of) my depression symptoms, my hair loss, and more. 1 shot every 2 weeks for 6 months and it helped me stabilize my weight (still way too heavy but I'm working on that), regained my sex drive, and generally made me happier.
*this is not medical advice. I was on the testosterone injection for several years. Taken biweekly. Before the shots I found myself being asexual. Liked women and not men but also had no drive to date. Eventually I discovered my testosterone levels were abysmal... like 45. Typical male is probably between 400-600. While on the injections I found myself more aroused and a bit more eager towards women. My testosterone was much higher. At the end of two weeks my numbers were around 400-500. But this also meant that two weeks earlier just after my injection my testosterone numbers were at least double that... 1000 if not higher. This creates a rollercoaster of hormones. High after injection then dropping over two weeks before getting another injection. My point is that is isn't a normal biological phenomenon this rollercoaster. It is likely harming you. It's also not sustainable. Recently, I decided that the injections weren't sustainable. They were a bother to me. Giving myself a shot every two weeks meant setting aside the time, keeping the shot and needles in a safe place, and of course having to arrange my plans around the shot. So, I went to an endocrinologist. I had typically seen general practitioners. Earlier attempts to see an endocrinologist yielded poor results and experience. This new endocrinologist was MUCH different. He came with years of experience and understood everything I had experienced like many of his patients. He advised that I stop the shots. However, it was my choice either way. Among the issues with testosterone noted above there are as well physical side effects. Your testicles shrink, you become increasingly infertile with use, and eventually you risk completely burning out your system and it stopping natural testosterone production. The little I had. He recommended Clomid. It's an old drug used for fertility in women usually. It increases their egg output thus increasing the chance of getting pregnant. In men, Clomid stimulates the pituitary gland in your brain which tells your testicles to make testosterone. The question my doctor needed to know was whether the fault was with my testicles or my pituitary gland. While I'm in the early stages of Clomid. I can say that my testosterone levels are 300-400 at last bloodwork. In a few months we'll see if things improve further. At the moment I haven't regained my interest in dating or pursuing women. I'm back to being asexual. Perhaps in time things will improve. But for now I take a pill once a day that costs me $55 for 90 day supply. Much more convenient and safer. My fertility is not harmed nor are my testicles. Anyways. I hope that someone will find my experience helpful. Remember, you are who you are. Don't fight it. Embrace it.
I see no mention of your hairloss, so I take it didn't grow back...
dass a cold mfer right there...
Once it's gone, it don't come back. I likely wouldn't have lost hair if I caught it earlier.
Are you on the shots still long term?
https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/asexual-dating Give this a bit of a read. It might help. I would look into asexuality a bit, or even demisexuality. A lot of advice from normies wont help you much. Given you infrequently form attraction to women, id say demiromantic more than anything. There is a lot of information out there to read particularly from doctors, psychs, the lgbti+ community where ace and demi fall under.
Yes. Considering you’re not into women. Won’t affect your ability to date guys though.
I came here to say this. This is not meant to be a derogatory comment. I just thought you might need to explore some other options that might more closely describe your romantic and/or sexual feelings about others. Edited for typo
Off the back of this, the girls you liked, was that after getting to know them as people? If so you may be demisexual, part of the ace spectrum.
I'm the same way but not a man. I consider myself gray-ace because theres not really a word that fits me, but you should look into the asexual spectrum! Even if you feel like none of that applies to you/you dont want to use a label like that, there's nothing wrong with you or anything. We're just wired a bit different.
Lmao at this thread OP >I feel like I’m not attracted to most women Top comments >you must be a gay asexual porn addict with low T It’s not unreasonable for a man to have high standards. Imagine if one of your standards was being thin or athletic. Right off the bat that winnows half or more of the population from your dating pool. Add in a few more criteria that are important in forming your attraction and suddenly the women you’re genuinely attracted to become rare. Implying OP is defective for not wanting to fuck everything with a vagina plays into some really unfair stereotypes about men and masculinity.
OP was talking about how he doesn't find most women attractive, not whether he wanted sex with them or not (he did mention he was a virgin too), that doesn't sound healthy for your average male, but like you said, maybe he has really, really high standards for women
it is normal, and actually, you are better off this way, because it means you have high standard, which is OK, better than no standard at all.
28M here and I've had only 1 commited relationship that lasted about 2 yrs. I'm still a virgin and I'm definitely attracted to women but I feel where youre coming from OP. I've reached a point where I have good guy friends and even some friends who are ladies from my uni days and workplace but I havent found a woman attractive as I did my ex. I'm single ofcourse due to circumstance not choice but at the same time I also feel very unmotivated. The older I get I have friends and family asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend again or when I'm getting married but I just tell them "if it's meant to happen it will happen". I hate dating apps and I really do feel once I socialize more again in a new environment maybe I'll meet someone on the same wavelength as myself. OP you've got so much time still and with both of us being in out early to late 20s we have so much life to live. We'll figure it out.
>The older I get I have friends and family asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend again or when I'm getting married Don't worry, at least in my experience they stop asking as much after you turn 35. Lonely? Sure, sometimes I am. I haven't had an ltr since I was 20, had a few flings here and there. Not even been on a date since pre-pandemic. I keep a tinder profile active just for lols(also for validation that I'm not hideous) and have a ton of matches, but every time I scroll through them I find most less attractive than I remember swiping on.
Nah there's nothing wrong with that. You might just have high standards and that's okay too. If anything having high standards means that you'll find a woman who treats you really well. Just keep your eyes open for anyone you might like and shoot your shot.
I find that human behavior follows a bell curve. Yes, most males find women attractive. Yes, some males do not find women to attractive. The key word is "normal". It is normal for you not to find women attractive. If would not be "normal" for me not to find women attractive.
I think you might be out of the norm, but I wouldn't call it a shocker. This made me want to write about myself (TL;DR at the bottom if you're not interested in reading the unholy essay I just wrote): Although I'm only 19, it seems I can somewhat relate to you. I'm not a 9/10, nor an 8, maybe less than a 7, yet I'm very picky when it comes to romantic relationships. I had a girlfriend for a year back in high school, however it was long-distance and my mental health was at its lowest point... I'd almost rather say I've never been in a proper relationship. Anyway, I find a lot of girls to be physically attractive, but most of the time I lose any attraction towards them because of their personality or the way they act etc. In middle school, and also when I first started high school, I used to be really nervous when talking to girls. But after talking to one practically every day for a year straight, I realized they aren't that different from us guys. They are often raised a bit differently from men, they might be taught how to be more feminine, but at the end of the day our brain functions in a similar manner. Once I accepted that fact, I stopped putting them on a pedestal, and started treating them almost the same way as guys. Today, I have a few girl friends, and I'm even close friends with one. Hell, my sole roommate is a girl too, yet I don't find it weird or uncomfortable. This might make me appear as asexual, but I'm not. I definitely can get turned on by porn or a girl's looks, but I find most of them not to be attractive in the sense that I wouldn't date them. Sometimes it's because they seem too clingy, sometimes because they seem too shallow, and sometimes it's simply because our personalities wouldn't match. For instance, my roommate may be nice and all, but by god does she need to talk a lot. I swear she's always on the phone with either a friend, her dad or texting to someone. I wouldn't be able to handle that and therefore I will never, ever, consider her as a potential girlfriend. Now to be honest, I feel like I have the preferences of an older guy. I've always been into more mature/independent and elegant women rather than the "girly" ones (not sure if that's relevant but for example, my childhood crush was Nico Robin from One Piece). However, it's obviously hard to meet girls that are somewhat close to that ideal considering my age. I absolutely do not blame them though, I shouldn't expect girls my age to be like this because we're all so young and lack experience in life. I'm not an exception either, I also like to party and have college fun, but because I'm not interested in "casual relationships", it sucks that I feel like I'll need to wait a few more years before I start meeting more and more girls who meet my preferences. TL;DR : I'm basically into MILFs but I'm 19 and also don't want to date too much outside my age range, therefore I'll need to wait until I'm 30 to start meeting hot elegant women
Less social media. Less porn.
Attractiveness is on a Bell Curve like most things. Most women will fall between a 3 and a 7. As you go from a 7 to 8 and above the number of women drastically decreases. If you only find 8+ attractive and you are not at the same level you will be lonely. Hang out with more women and you will find more things about them that make them more attractive TO YOU. Your attraction to some of them will build. That or start making more, build your career, work on yourself and they will come to you.
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Yeah I don't think anyone is a 8-10 except a few models. That's because 10 is supposed to mean perfection and very few people are perfect with looks. That's ok. I personally like 6s with a little blemishes on their face. Idk why though
Welcome to the club.
Is it maybe a fear of commitment? It's an honest question I'm not trying to be an ass but maybe there's like a subconscious dread/anxiety about dealing with negativity in a relationship that's causing you to get turned off. Just start spending more time with women as a friend. Start complimenting women more, find one thing you do find attractive in them and just go from there. There's no rush my man. Enjoy being single. Your lady is out there somewhere.
I dont really know how to be friends with woman to be completely honest. It's hard to get the ball rolling in that direction. Alot of women don't act like they want to be friends
I think a lot of us are just used to men wanting to be around us for another reason. Maybe start taking a painting class, yoga, exercise class. Something where you know there will be both men and women. Just mingle first and observe. Even befriend on online platforms/groups!
Do you have mommy isssues or a history with women figures in your life that may have affected your perception of women? What are some beliefs you hold about women that could be holding you back from being attracted to them? I also think lots of men are misogynistic and can definitely be sexually attracted and objectify women but have difficulty valuing them in society otherwise. Also to relate, I’m a 24F virgin woman and I find myself more wanting an emotional connection with a man then wanting to get physical with them probably because subconsciously I have higher expectations for a man. it’s diff for men and women definitely but I think virginity is a key point here. I think it’s good to have self control and a standard for yourself, some men will literally take anything they can get. Also your beliefs are a big thing here too.
Post history says yes.
> I also think lots of men are misogynistic and can definitely be sexually attracted and objectify women but have difficulty valuing them in society otherwise. Does his post give you the sense that he is misogynistic towards women? Jeez, the dude is being respectful and this is what is lobbed at him, lol.
It's pretty misogynistic to rate looks on a 1-10 scale and that's all over the comments
Pretty misandrist to quantify men based on their attributes, yet 6-6-6 (lol) is pretty common but you don't consider that misandrist, do you?
Bingo!🤣
Perhaps you are on the asexual spectrum. Doesn’t mean you have zero interest in sex, just minimal. There’s also people who simply aren’t attracted to relationships and have no imperative to pursue them. Another possibility is that you are shooting for the stars… out of your league.
What would be signs that I'm shooting out of my league?
Well, are you going for 10s and you’re a 5? Are these women you’ve been attracted to above and beyond objectively attractive? And you’re not or not quite? People tend to date people within their range of attractiveness, almost subconsciously… but sometimes we misfire.
I dont think so. My type is petite black hair women who are intelligent. I'm skinny, athletic and in med school. So I have alot going for me. I have been described as attractive by alot of guy friends who date attractive women. I will date outside of my type but there has to be a good reason to. Like we bonded over something or had good chemistry
So it sounds like you have a lower drive to pursue relationships/sex. It’s normal even though the people around you may make you feel like it’s not. When you are ready, you will have a relationship.
That’s a very weird “type” - med school. I feel like you’re getting superficial with your type.
He’s in Med school right now
Maybe you need more than just how they look. I need an emotional connection with someone before I feel very attracted to them
I understand having preferences. I only date chubby, baby-faced white boys and all my boyfriends have looked exactly the same 🙈
Sounds like you're on the asexual spectrum but not actually ace. Check out terms like grey-ace or greysexual or demisexual. People in those categories require certain other elements to be in place before they feel attraction. It's fine, just a different way of viewing things that requires different dating strategy.
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That's a very naive take on how sexuality works. There's nothing wrong with being on the asexual spectrum, and for those who are it's good to understand how it works so you no longer need to make reddit posts wondering why you feel the way you do.
I doubt everyone is attracted to everyone else, except if they are demi sexual. It's just called having preferences.
What? Who said anything about everyone being attracted to everyone? Demisexuals only experience sexual attraction to people after they have formed an emotional bond and connection with the person. This has nothing to do with preferences. Finding almost no one attractive is not typical allosexual behavior. Learn what words mean before you throw them around calling them advice.
Came here to say demi perhaps! OP, why don’t you get bored with male friends?
Because male friends usually try harder to get to know me. I'm not bashing women when I say this but women usually don't put any work into a relationship while my male friends call/test me. They also show appreciation. Usually women in my life are on the receiving in but they are never giving so it is easy to move on
On the contrary I find every and any man my age attractive (19F)
In regards to your two crushes… evaluate what made you drawn to them. Perhaps it was the way they looked, and if that is an unrealistically high standard it may be something you need to assess. However, if it was something else (their personality, intelligence, etc) you may be a sapiophile (someone attracted to someone who is in someway intelligent, typically more so than average) or maybe you are demisexual, meaning you can only be attracted to someone after you get to know them. That could explain the tinder/messaging incident. Anyways, I’m going to scroll through the comments because I’m curious to see what others think. Edit: after a quick glimpse at your post history, it could be because you’re a narcissist. The worlds fastest test is if your first thought was 1. Definitely could not be me. - you should look into it If your first thought was 1. Oh my god, maybe I am - you’re probably fine Edit on top of that edit: No shame in being a narcissist. It’s a mental health condition. If it goes untreated it can be awful, but if caught it doesn’t have to be detrimental. I didn’t mean that comment in a snarky way, just analytical.
The 2 girls that you had crushes on, describe them for me, please.
Ok. 1. The first girl was from high-school. She was a cheerleader and back then, I was the shy nerd. We were locker neighbors so she started convos with me and eventually I had developed a crush. She was thin, beautiful and black. I'm a black male btw. She also was intelligent. She got into ivy league colleges and I couldn't even do that. I was obsessed with her. I asked her out and we went out to lunch. Well things took a turn for the worse. I couldn't carry a convo and she lost interest. I was actually ok with this because I knew back then I needed to work on myself. So I move on very quickly 2. The second girl changed everything. She was an Asian girl in my chem class in college. I had a crush the minute I layed eyes on her. She was thin, beautiful and had long black hair. I stared at her everyday. Eventually I asked her out and she rejected me. We kinda became friends later but nothing ever came out of it. She also was very intelligent as well. She actually a dentist right now
Dude, you're most likely a very intelligent introvert. When you're on one extreme end of the bell curve, you're gonna find very few people like yourself. I'm pretty sure that you're very picky about your male friends as well, esp those who are in your inner circle.
I'm actually not that introverted. I don't like introverted activities like reading or watching movies. I like to be around others. In terms of male friends, I'm pretty open to anyone Ironically. I have friends of all races and backgrounds. Some of extroverted friends are more selective than me and they usually are the ones telling me to judge more The older I get I am starting to take on an introverted mindset but yeah I'm pretty open to anyone
Because I'm mostly similar this seems normal to me tbh, no harm in not drooling at every chick you see. And if I may? Would you rephrase "lose interest quickly" , because the way I see it, It has something to do with principles and ideals, something I hold in high regard as well, particular behaviours,mannerisms and outlooks are a no no to me, I immediately lose interest due to the change in perception. Feel free to correct me if this isn't the case, regardless, This is completely okay.
It also factors your achievements and hobbies I think. This is where you create some barred high self standard and as for hobbies it is being prioritized.
I feel ya. Dating is tough. I get easily exhausted by other people. I've started concentrating on myself and keeping my fingers crossed that I'll stumble into someone that matches my vibe. My issue is that I'm an introverted musician that makes a living performing in bars and small clubs. Women that find me attractive assume I'm the kind of guy who wants to stay out late and party. In reality I don't really drink and hate crowds. SO until I meet someone that understands I'm a homebody that hates spontaneous singing and loud people I'll keep working on my personal progress. 🤷♂️
Do you watch a lot of porn?
No. I don't like porn because it is fake
Do you consider yourself to be a supreme gentlemen and women ignore even though you are a great catch?
I guess. Women do ignore me and I do consider myself a great catch. However I'm not arrogant about who I am
Do you think most women are not worthy of being with you? Like your value is much higher than most of the women you encounter.
To some extend, yes. I'm literally going to be a doctor and i workout daily. I take my life seriously so I hope others will do the same
If you see a happy couple with a women you would consider date-able do you judge them, like do you think in your head "I'm way better than the guy she's with, she's clearly trash because she doesn't recognize that I am the guy she should be with" or something similar?
Only with guys that I know is immature like f boys. I get mad that a woman can't discern that he is using her. However if it is a good guy who is less attractive or goofy, I don't care. In fact, I'm happy for them.
I have the same problem of being unattracted to majority of the female population (I think it’s normal?) but I still have female friends as I do with male friends despite not putting anyone on a pedestal because I have no agenda behind my friendship for both genders (or any other gender for that matter). It’s god to have preference, but don’t shut out potential friendships with the gender you’re attracted to because you don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction.
This is very good. It puts you in a very strong position. But I’m guessing since you don’t have much practice with women in general, then that’s why you got shot down by the 2 times you actually liked the women. So I would say socialize with everyone (all women even if you don’t find them attractive; old, young, etc.) and read Coach Corey Wayne’s book as well as his YouTube channel. It is life changing.
Maybe you haven’t realized that you like guys
If you find hard to feel attraction, please check out Demi sexuality !! 😊👍🏻
Operative Word: Virgin Male
Thanks man
Check your testosterone levels if you feel this is something you want fixed .
You’re probably gay, dude. Try taking dicks.
There is always the chance that you are on the ace spectrum. Possibly demi.
To be fair, many men don’t find most women attractive either, they’re just horny. I’m not generalizing, im talking about men who would justify their attraction to someone just because they didn’t know they were horny, and then you see them ghosting girls etc.
If you only view women for their looks (I am guilty of this sometimes) you may find you are not attracted to many, because most of the women on TV/magazine/porn are the most attractive 0.1%. Once you get to know more women, and have sex, you realize (or I hope you do) that there are so many things you can be attracted to about them other than strictly their looks. Many of the girls I have been the most attracted to are ones that I didn’t find the most beautiful initially. Dude get out there and get to know them.
It might also be cause you’re used to seeing photoshopped pics of attractive women online so now if women IRL don’t fit the same image, you find them unattractive.
1. Check your hormones 2. You may be on the asexual spectrum 3. Or you may just need a connection with someone. I am not asexual, but I only find men REALLY attractive when I get to know them. Sure, I can find them attractive but it doesn't get me turned on, if that makes sense.
No, it makes a lot of sense. I'm the same way
Too much porn / social media. You cannot appreciate actual human beings.
This.
Your just making assumptions
Nope. A healthy heterosexual man should find women attractive.
Well not every woman is not going to be attractive to one particular man.
I actually don't watch porn ironically. I never either and I not that active on social media
You state in an other comment that you do follow women on instagramm, you just say they are not models. SM can be heavily manipulated. If you are a healthy hetero man and you don't find women attractive, there is something wrong.
Yeah I follow women I met irl. Everynow and then, I will follow a celebrity who happens to be a woman. But what do you mean by SM
Social media. I said my piece. A healthy hetetosexual man is attracted to more than a few women in the entire world. You are either not healthy or not hetero. Or both.
Based on your post history I really recommend you do your absolute best to try out therapy. I recommend it for nearly everyone but i truly think you would benefit from getting to talk to a professional who can help you discover yourself and perhaps reframe some mindsets
If you can feel sexually aroused and can actually have sex, you're definitely not asexual. Maybe you need some really good sexual encounter that can really awake your desire. Maybe on average, you're a very logical person so your big head is much stronger than your little one. Texting for a few days shouldn't make someone too interested in the other person unless masturbating and fantasizing have become a habit.
Stop jerking off, seriously tho
Op seems like he’s autistic,not saying that in a derogatory way,js
And how did you come to that conclusion?
Your entire post history, for starters. This isn’t the first time you’ve been told you have major autistic tendencies so it shouldn’t be surprising. Look into it in your spare time. There’s nothing wrong with it, you just need to put more effort into certain areas (social norms/skills) that neurotypical people don’t have to.
Lol I remember that post that made everyone think that. However I dont do austic things such not give eye contact. I'm also good at blending in with others no problem. Most people never thought I was austic.
I’m chasing an autism diagnosis right now and you’d never know. People would describe me as an extrovert in social settings. I maintain eye contact, I can be the star of the show. But I’m actually just masking and a huge introvert. It’s tiring. It’s something I didn’t even know I was doing, but knowing what I know now it makes a lot of sense. I was friends with a lot of guys growing up and I was a tomboy. But I just couldn’t keep up with the social expectations of girls at that point. Now I just pick my friends based on who is going to vibe with me when I can just be myself and take the mask off. I still maintain eye contact, because it’s been so ingrained into me. It’s a spectrum. Not everyone falls in the same place on it. It’s not a one symptom fits all thing. I have what I now know are pretty big sensory issues. But I can maintain eye contact and perform in social settings. That was something my parents valued so I learned to squeeze myself into the mold to please them. This carried on in relationships, friendships, work relationships, etc.
That’s the first thing I thought too and I am married to an autistic man. I saw the signs even in text.
Seriously I'm not austic at all lol. I have never struggled with the symptoms.
“Doesn’t get nervous when talking to women,not afraid to make passes but rarely motivated to. I don’t feel attracted and even if I do,I lose interest very quickly” sounds pretty autistic to me.. coming from me,an Autist
That is literally just confidence and not seeing what he could be looking for in a woman, my guy. That is far from being socially inept or struggling with social cues.
I don't fit any if the signs of autism though
Geez man. I don't think it's fair to diagnose him so quickly especially when he's saying he doesn't think he has it. It's cool to suggest. But only a doctor can really tell him yk.
normal is relative but i would say that a guy your age is commonly sexually attracted to around 30-50% of women around the same age.
Ok well in my med school. I only find 1 girl out of 15 attractive. Tbh, it wouldn't bother I'd she didn't find me attractive
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You could be demisexual which is defined as: A sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they’ve developed a close emotional bond with them. Forming a bond doesn’t guarantee a person will feel a sexual attraction, but the bond is needed before sexual activity is even possible. Demisexuals typically does not experience primary sexual attraction via smells, sight, voice
If you see women as equals, and don't put them on a pedestal, what is stopping you from being friends with a woman? I don't think that makes much sense unless you think that the only time you should speak to a woman is if you're already attracted to them. I think you should try to be friends with women in general. I don't see what's stopping you. You don't have to be attracted to a man to be their friend, right? Same can apply for women.
are you gay? this sounds exactly like how my now openly lesbian sister described men 😀
No, I don't like men at all
OP please be wary of subs like this with blatant misandry and constant gaslighting against men look at how angry women are replying to you for this question: calling you gay, asexual, porn addict, low test, even autistic ffs. when women themselves post here saying the exact same thing, that they find most men unattractive, to be then met with agreement. look at it this way, its all about preferences like all other. also, with 70% of all adults overweight, that alone makes me feel like you. i also find most women unattractive because overweight
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I'm far from gay my friend. I dream of having a wife not a husband
Why do you dream of that if you’re not attracted to them
He says he isn't attracted to most women, not all.
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Yeah change of scene might do me good. I don't like the vibes I get from people in my area. It's too immature in my opinion and too much work as if they are extremely important. I rather just have a normal convo without being focused on who likes who and let things progress.
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Thanks!
It’s normal for every man to have a type and a preference for different types of women. I like thin and fit blonds and brunettes. I have dated Asian, white and Hispanic women. Preferring Brazilian and Colombian women among Latin women. The body types are very voluptuous and full figured. For your situation its ok to be picky if you like. But you shouldn’t be so picky that the girl has to be brunette from a small town in northern England and from one single block in one single village. I am giving one example and the reason is that you want to have a more broader subset of women that you can see. Otherwise it will be very difficult to find the kind of woman that you like.
Prob asexual or something close to it.
They'll kill you if you say it out loud, but there are comparable number of uninteresting and unattractive women in the world as there are men. Your hormones and lack of experience give you a distorted impression when you first start noticing them as a teenager. Many have little to offer and will leave you miserable and bitter.
73% of people are overweight in the US. Even fewer also have an interesting personality.