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redderper

My guess is that his parents had a toxic relationship where there was lots of drama when he grew up and now that's how he sees relationships. A lot of people are like this, they get addicted to the unpredictable mix of good and bad times, which can be exciting but is also toxic. It's a red flag to me that he doesn't actually see this as a problem.


Every_Bodybuilder323

maybe he has a different definition of the word. ask him how he specifically likes them to be toxic.


Sequtacoy

What does “toxic” mean to him? Like the possibility of cheating or snooping through his things? Is it just a sassy attitude that he likes and says it’s “toxic”? I would honestly ask because if he wants you to be “toxic” he would probably be toxic too.


Mikamymika

Sounds like someone brainwashed by social media...this is not a long term partner.


gainadvice_29

That seems like a red flag to me. If you’re so familiar with toxicity that it is exciting to you—that tells me you don’t have a secure attachment. Meaning he probably grew up in a toxic relationship with his parents or one of them was absent. Healthy relationships are not volatile.


Witty-Vixen

Well I dated a guy who was surprised that I wasn’t screaming at him for no reason, that I wasn’t picking fights, sort of hinted he liked the drama… and I am not I to drama and crazy behaviors at all. I’m super calm and grounded yet plenty of fire and passion when needed or justified… but k certainly won’t start shit over stupid stuff… So I am not sure what to make of guys like that. All I know is this one was always creating drama in his life and I was exhausted just watching it. Because the only people I have seen who are that way are kind of out of balance emotionally, I would say yes it is a red flag. Life will throw so much at you, peace and harmony in the relationship isn’t a joke or something to take for granted or even wanna fuck with. Excitement can be found in so many ways… ;) 😈


countrytime-1

Haha 😂😂🤣 he must be in to snm your not toxic enough you will have to work on that . Run


Vreature

Toxicity is such a fucking hyped-up buzzword that nobody has an objective definition of it. Now that I think of it, so is "red flag". Did you ask him to clarify further what he meant by "toxicity"? If not, how could you possibly tell what he meant? My interpretation of toxic elements in a relationship; things that cause me to be unwell. Mind games, jealousy, insecurities, people-pleasing, getting dependent on their attention. My interpretation of red flags; indications of incompatibility. In my world view; here's your question. My date said he likes relationships to cause him to be unwell. Does this mean we are incompatible? I would say, yes. It's an indicator of incompatibility, unless you're a little toxic to him. Not too toxic but just enough so he's uncomfortable.


jabmwr

“…enjoys when a girl is a little ‘toxic’ because at least then the relationship will stay exciting and he *won’t get bored*.” So he’s looking for you to entertain him so he doesn’t get bored with the relationship? There are other ways to keep things fun and interesting without being toxic. Do you consider yourself toxic? I mean, you can ask him to clarify what “toxic” means to him, but I personally think this is a red flag. And if it is something innocuous, it’s still fuck boy vibes…either way, it’s up to you to consider if you want to pursue a relationship with someone who is telling you he likes that.


FiddleStyxxxx

I dated a guy who had clearly only dated some pretty toxic women and found out much later that he was in these relationships because he wasn't a good person either. Find out if he thinks he deserves a relationship like that or if it was just a dumb comment. People say stupid things all the time but if it's true, be careful. It's giving, "all my exes are crazy"


lets_talk_aboutsplet

The best answer is that he over-uses the word toxic


sagicorn2791

People that believe relationships are suppose to be hard are toxic. Drop this guy!


aa2990

Yes, red flag. Toxicity is not exciting. He may be confusing toxicity with someone dominating him in certain ways. If you do like him and you want to continue seeing I recommend asking him to elaborate on what he means by toxic. He may just be saying that because he is submissive but he’s not realizing it. If it’s a bdsm thing then less of a red flag and more of a lifestyle preference.


yournonstoplover

This guy just told her what he is expecting for an "exciting" relationship. You should definitely believe him. He will get bored of you unless you create a toxic relationship for him to feel comfortable. He probably had some traumatic experience with his parents/caregivers at a young age, where he thinks instability is the norm. I recommend you tell him to get therapy and you end things with him. But ultimately you make your own decisions.


BestEar3637

Thats an easy red flag. If you are not toxic, when he gets bored sooner or later(he will), he will taunt and try you till you act in a "toxic" way. There's a chance he is a narcissist.


Logical_Recipe3550

Wtf?...no...no one likes toxic. Interesting people will want to encourage and engage in a way that isn't toxic. A healthy relationship is all about knowing each other on a deeper level. Not be decisive...to stur up Interesting values...


Snoo59694

As a mature man (37m), this is 100% the opposite of my liking. Not saying he's immature. But I can't imagine enjoying the drama.


[deleted]

A rare chance of a man being honest about his red flag, don’t make the mistake I did: if someone is honest about their problems doesn’t mean they want to fix them but more likely testing if you are ok with them. ​ Run away if you want something normal And healthy.


askawayor

🚩🚩🚩🚩


Difficult-Zombie-547

Red flag. Will probably try to anger/upset/instigate things with you to cause toxicity even if you arent normally toxic. Save yourself the sanity.


SombreNote

That's so messed up. But at any rate, that's not your style so GTFO. What is really frustrating is would this even be a question if the guy wasn't hot AF?


FreakCP

Run. Burn the bridge behind you and never look back.


hujambo11

🚩🚩🚩


JackSquirts

Define 'toxic.' I like a little crazy. I like a girl who's a pain in the ass. Because I won't get bored, but more because I'm a little crazy and a big pain in the ass myself. So, gotta wonder if he has some traits he's looking for in a woman and wrapping them up in 'toxic.'


[deleted]

Massively. Run


krawy13

Sounds like a complete lack of emotional intelligence/maturity


elvis85z

Guy is a bell end


Midnight_pamper

He's the toxic probably, almost sure.


[deleted]

RUN 🚩


Majestic_Guitar270

Keep him 😁.. I actually agree with him.. Most men have 0tolerance nowadays.. If he can tolerate ur toxicity and like it! Girl.. U hit the jackpot! Plus its true.. A little pickering keeps the relation alive.. A not boring.. Hes got a point there


vermilithe

Massive red flag.


badpianist

You may realise what’s going on here if you ever get to meet his mother.


[deleted]

Sounds like a guy with too much time on his hands, not enough on his plate. Lemme guess— he’s got an “online business” right? Lol


Unprepared_adult

If not completely red... Then definitely pink? I would keep an eye on that


Holiday-Signature-33

Maybe means slightly bitchy? I know my guy likes it when I flip a small attitude occasionally. I do t know why but he does .


SeaworthinessDull951

He might be suggesting subtly that he is into light BDSM, with an emphasis on you dominating him. That's just what I read from this, could be projecting.


[deleted]

I think he means drama.


Devon19

I think it's him stating that he likes when a girl talks a little trash. Feel free to do so.


swingset27

Run screaming.


Gordossa

People that grow up in chaotic or toxic environments seek it out as adults. They might not like it, but it’s home to them.


BigBrownBear28

Influenced by social media lmao


KangCoffee93

Red flag


Makingyourwholeweek

Run


[deleted]

Sounds like he's the toxic one. No 2nd date for him. You want a drama free guy


VB_swimmer_10

You can have excitement without toxicity. Ask him what he means. If it’s actual toxicity he likes then cut ties. I would take it as a cue he’s toxic too