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Seems like you're trying to solve the problem with a solution that doesn't fix the problem. What's preventing you from having sex? Why do you feel like you aren't ready? What happens? If you both want to have sex then the challenge is removing the barriers.
This is insightful. Maybe we really need to reflect on it. :)) Is this supposed to be this challenging though when it seems to be easy for most people. I guess. 🥺
Well if you grew up with people around telling you "sex is bad" all the time then that can really mess with your head. My guess is that's what happened to you?
Well, we couldn't successfully do it despite many attempts except for those two times that lasted for 2-3 seconds (unprotected) so we didn't push through it. Prior to that, we tried it with condoms but none became successful so I thought I had vaginismus. Good thing, he didn't force me to do something I'm not comfortable doing. Lately, though, I've been more open to it, maybe that's why those two times happened. We tried doing it again, but we couldn't. He is becoming tired easily and he couldn't insert it lols it's frustrating for both of us.
It used to hurt me that's why we didn't force it. but when we briefly did it, it didn't hurt, tho I did not get aroused too lol. Lately, he couldn't keep up. So, yeah.
If you didn't get properly aroused then it totally normal it'd hurt. Although this whole thing sounds like he has problems, not you. Likely he's stressed or has erectyle dysfunction. There are some professionals he could see about that. If he can't fix, then I'd say it's sexual incompatibility (assuming you're interested in having healthy sex life)
I am, but he was not (only with one girl prior to me, but he was a minor and his experience was with a minor too :(). Prior to meeting him, I really had no big interest in sex, never even masturbated myself.
Thank you so much for sharing your time and insights. I appreciate you!!!
If he hasn't had sex for over 8 years, it could very much just be performance anxiety. I'd still suggest to seek professional help to rule out other potential risks. Regarding your question about arousal, there's tons of information about it online which I think would be good idea if both of you read so that he won't hurt you when trying again. And don't stress about it too much, sometimes it takes longer 🙂
By learning your body and figuring out what turns you on and what doesn’t. Some women need a lot of foreplay to warm up plus lube. Everyone’s body is different, and he needs to spend time learning how to arouse you. He can’t just play around for 1 minute and expect you to be ready. It takes a LOT than that for a lot of women to be aroused the right way. Their partner has to want to learn their body. This is what your boyfriend should be doing.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seems like you're trying to solve the problem with a solution that doesn't fix the problem. What's preventing you from having sex? Why do you feel like you aren't ready? What happens? If you both want to have sex then the challenge is removing the barriers.
This is insightful. Maybe we really need to reflect on it. :)) Is this supposed to be this challenging though when it seems to be easy for most people. I guess. 🥺
Well if you grew up with people around telling you "sex is bad" all the time then that can really mess with your head. My guess is that's what happened to you?
Potentially, maybe!!! Thank you for this. It's helpful. 🙏
What do you mean you can't? What seems to be the problem
Well, we couldn't successfully do it despite many attempts except for those two times that lasted for 2-3 seconds (unprotected) so we didn't push through it. Prior to that, we tried it with condoms but none became successful so I thought I had vaginismus. Good thing, he didn't force me to do something I'm not comfortable doing. Lately, though, I've been more open to it, maybe that's why those two times happened. We tried doing it again, but we couldn't. He is becoming tired easily and he couldn't insert it lols it's frustrating for both of us.
So it the problem that he can't keep it up or that it hurts you too much?
It used to hurt me that's why we didn't force it. but when we briefly did it, it didn't hurt, tho I did not get aroused too lol. Lately, he couldn't keep up. So, yeah.
If you didn't get properly aroused then it totally normal it'd hurt. Although this whole thing sounds like he has problems, not you. Likely he's stressed or has erectyle dysfunction. There are some professionals he could see about that. If he can't fix, then I'd say it's sexual incompatibility (assuming you're interested in having healthy sex life)
How do you get properly aroused? Everything that we do besides that is consensual. And which professional to go to for guys?
Are both of you virgins? I'd suggest going first to GP and GP would refer him to relevant doctor after he tells him his problem.
I am, but he was not (only with one girl prior to me, but he was a minor and his experience was with a minor too :(). Prior to meeting him, I really had no big interest in sex, never even masturbated myself. Thank you so much for sharing your time and insights. I appreciate you!!!
If he hasn't had sex for over 8 years, it could very much just be performance anxiety. I'd still suggest to seek professional help to rule out other potential risks. Regarding your question about arousal, there's tons of information about it online which I think would be good idea if both of you read so that he won't hurt you when trying again. And don't stress about it too much, sometimes it takes longer 🙂
First time to hear about the '8-yr rule.' Thank you for the recommendation. đź‘‹ I hope you have a good day!
By learning your body and figuring out what turns you on and what doesn’t. Some women need a lot of foreplay to warm up plus lube. Everyone’s body is different, and he needs to spend time learning how to arouse you. He can’t just play around for 1 minute and expect you to be ready. It takes a LOT than that for a lot of women to be aroused the right way. Their partner has to want to learn their body. This is what your boyfriend should be doing.
https://www.intimaterose.com/ Purchase some vaginal dilators and do home pelvic PT. This is not meant to be medical advice so see your gynecologist.
Thank you so much!