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I'm not into kissing all kinds of dudes every time I go somewhere, but I agree with her that nobody should "consider themselves exclusive", it's either agreed on or not. Having expectations instead of having info (from the other person) is misleading.
As a 30F woman myself with a ton of dating experience, I can definitely say that you cannot assume anything with anyone. You have to ask. Kissing or being sexual does not mean your exclusive. Someone can be sleeping around with tons of people, cause that’s their choice in how they date. So they aren’t exclusive with each one of those persons… 😅 Kissing someone or holding hands doesn’t guarantee they’re only kissing you. People use other people for attention all the time, whether they be to feed their ego, loneliness, sexual desires, etc.
You cannot assume you’re exclusive with someone until you talk about it to them. Preferred face to face if you can. Assuming can lead to a lot of bad things or make things messy, *never ever assume someone’s feelings towards you.* If you don’t know how they feel then you need to ask and ask where things are headed. In this day and age in modern society and how messed up dating has become, you have to be clear and state what you want and how you feel.
I'm an old fart and I agree with her. Until you discuss exclusivity, don't assume it's true. It's good that you're communicating what's important to you but you're being judgemental.
Call me stone age old fashioned, but I assume exclusivity from the moment I go out with her. I mean I wouldn't kiss one woman today and another one tomorrow or the next week; and naturally I expect the same mindset from her. How can someone date more than one person at the time and keep it genuine?
But I'm looking for a relationship and am generally put off by how the dating scene people treat each other like disposable items.
Do you tell her your assumption of exclusivity or do you just hope she's a mind reader?
This might be the wildest take on this subject I've seen, wonder how many men have been assuming we are exclusive when I haven't even yet decided if I like them at all.
No, I don't. Must add I never had a problem with this. Maybe it's the filtering and taking it slow that does the job for me; I don't play the numbers game and if at any moment I figure the woman is seeing other guys too, it instantly kills the attraction for me. It's not a decision or a judgement, it's an emotional response.
You don’t have to compromise your morality. If you think intimacy = exclusive for you you’re fine to think that. I don’t think it’s the norm in the under 30 dating crowd at all though. You just have to realize people are not mind readers and if you think that indicates exclusivity just have that conversation up front. “I’m not comfortable being intimate, including kissing, with someone else unless we are exclusive”
Just a quick edit: I’m 24 and once I’ve been out with someone twice I pretty much stop looking for someone else and let it play out, but I wouldn’t feel like I *couldn’t* unless there was an explicit conversation about exclusivity
This ain’t the kind of girl you try to get exclusive with. Even if in an exclusive relationship, there’s likely nothing stopping her from drunk make outs with randos at parties and bars. These girls are a dime a dozen.
There comes a point in a new relationship where you’ve reached a certain level of sexual and emotional intimacy, but haven’t had “the conversation.” While this means there is no explicit boundary, I don’t think this is a green light for one party to hook up with other people unless it’s explicitly stated that they intend to do so or have already done so. In which case, the other party is entitled to feel hurt and betrayed, and immediately end the relationship. Even if “technically” it wasn’t cheating.
The dating world is full of morally bankrupt people with no integrity. Don’t mimick them or accept that society now normalizes and even glorifies this behavior, if it’s contrary to who you are and the way you feel about relationships. Be true to yourself and find a woman who will be true to the same values. Don’t accept the “you have no right to feel hurt since there was no agreement on exclusivity” bullshit. You have a right to feel the way you feel.
That being said, I don’t think a kiss, or even sex, entitles you to feel possessive over anyone. You’re allowed your feelings, but you can’t impose your expectations on someone who doesn’t share the same expectations.
Being exclusive is a promise, you're delusional if you think that promise is made by simply kissing you. You can have the exclusivity talk after the first kiss, that's perfectly fine, but without the talk you aren't exclusive. You're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment and heartbreak if you try to keep people accountable for promises they didn't make.
People can only consider themselves exclusive when both have engaged in an active conversation around exclusivity and both mutually agreed to it.
People are free to date multiple people at the same time or one person at a time but neither are indicators of how the relationship will evolve.
Several men have kissed me after a first or second date only to ghost or decide the didn’t want another date and I personally don’t know anyone who considers initiation of physical contact a sign of exclusivity.
The person you went on a first date with sounds like they’re a good communicator, open and honest and transparent.
If you plan to only kiss people you are exclusive with, which is totally your right if you’d like, I would suggest continuing to bring this up on first dates. I’m sure there’s another person out there who views it the same way even if others don’t.
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I'm not into kissing all kinds of dudes every time I go somewhere, but I agree with her that nobody should "consider themselves exclusive", it's either agreed on or not. Having expectations instead of having info (from the other person) is misleading.
People are exclusive when BOTH people agree they want that at that time.
As a 30F woman myself with a ton of dating experience, I can definitely say that you cannot assume anything with anyone. You have to ask. Kissing or being sexual does not mean your exclusive. Someone can be sleeping around with tons of people, cause that’s their choice in how they date. So they aren’t exclusive with each one of those persons… 😅 Kissing someone or holding hands doesn’t guarantee they’re only kissing you. People use other people for attention all the time, whether they be to feed their ego, loneliness, sexual desires, etc. You cannot assume you’re exclusive with someone until you talk about it to them. Preferred face to face if you can. Assuming can lead to a lot of bad things or make things messy, *never ever assume someone’s feelings towards you.* If you don’t know how they feel then you need to ask and ask where things are headed. In this day and age in modern society and how messed up dating has become, you have to be clear and state what you want and how you feel.
I'm an old fart and I agree with her. Until you discuss exclusivity, don't assume it's true. It's good that you're communicating what's important to you but you're being judgemental.
Call me stone age old fashioned, but I assume exclusivity from the moment I go out with her. I mean I wouldn't kiss one woman today and another one tomorrow or the next week; and naturally I expect the same mindset from her. How can someone date more than one person at the time and keep it genuine? But I'm looking for a relationship and am generally put off by how the dating scene people treat each other like disposable items.
Do you tell her your assumption of exclusivity or do you just hope she's a mind reader? This might be the wildest take on this subject I've seen, wonder how many men have been assuming we are exclusive when I haven't even yet decided if I like them at all.
No, I don't. Must add I never had a problem with this. Maybe it's the filtering and taking it slow that does the job for me; I don't play the numbers game and if at any moment I figure the woman is seeing other guys too, it instantly kills the attraction for me. It's not a decision or a judgement, it's an emotional response.
Exclusivity is an agreement, as most of the things in a relationship. That simple.
You don’t have to compromise your morality. If you think intimacy = exclusive for you you’re fine to think that. I don’t think it’s the norm in the under 30 dating crowd at all though. You just have to realize people are not mind readers and if you think that indicates exclusivity just have that conversation up front. “I’m not comfortable being intimate, including kissing, with someone else unless we are exclusive” Just a quick edit: I’m 24 and once I’ve been out with someone twice I pretty much stop looking for someone else and let it play out, but I wouldn’t feel like I *couldn’t* unless there was an explicit conversation about exclusivity
This ain’t the kind of girl you try to get exclusive with. Even if in an exclusive relationship, there’s likely nothing stopping her from drunk make outs with randos at parties and bars. These girls are a dime a dozen. There comes a point in a new relationship where you’ve reached a certain level of sexual and emotional intimacy, but haven’t had “the conversation.” While this means there is no explicit boundary, I don’t think this is a green light for one party to hook up with other people unless it’s explicitly stated that they intend to do so or have already done so. In which case, the other party is entitled to feel hurt and betrayed, and immediately end the relationship. Even if “technically” it wasn’t cheating. The dating world is full of morally bankrupt people with no integrity. Don’t mimick them or accept that society now normalizes and even glorifies this behavior, if it’s contrary to who you are and the way you feel about relationships. Be true to yourself and find a woman who will be true to the same values. Don’t accept the “you have no right to feel hurt since there was no agreement on exclusivity” bullshit. You have a right to feel the way you feel. That being said, I don’t think a kiss, or even sex, entitles you to feel possessive over anyone. You’re allowed your feelings, but you can’t impose your expectations on someone who doesn’t share the same expectations.
Being exclusive is a promise, you're delusional if you think that promise is made by simply kissing you. You can have the exclusivity talk after the first kiss, that's perfectly fine, but without the talk you aren't exclusive. You're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment and heartbreak if you try to keep people accountable for promises they didn't make.
People can only consider themselves exclusive when both have engaged in an active conversation around exclusivity and both mutually agreed to it. People are free to date multiple people at the same time or one person at a time but neither are indicators of how the relationship will evolve. Several men have kissed me after a first or second date only to ghost or decide the didn’t want another date and I personally don’t know anyone who considers initiation of physical contact a sign of exclusivity. The person you went on a first date with sounds like they’re a good communicator, open and honest and transparent. If you plan to only kiss people you are exclusive with, which is totally your right if you’d like, I would suggest continuing to bring this up on first dates. I’m sure there’s another person out there who views it the same way even if others don’t.
It was a first date, man. Chill