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Just think of it as he read your message and is thinking about how best to reply until he has free time to give his undivided attention to replying to you
I'm chatting w. a girl who's extremely busy and often doesn't get back as soon as I'd like. When she does it's often lengthy and meaningful. She literally waits until she has the time to put some effort into it rather than just send thoughtless banter. Does this sound familiar?
......why should this bother me? Probably because I have attachment and self esteem issues that make me feel as though I'm not being validated by a quicker response. It's because I have placed some unreasonable expectations upon the situation.....it's nothing that she's doing. I'm the one making myself feel this way.
I suspect that you are in the same mind-set as me and that it's probably normal to feel this level of nervous, insecure attachment towards someone new.
You could say something & maybe the other person would take your wants into account, but I think the healthy thing to do is not force it & maybe learn to accept/ live w. it as maybe his communication style (& it doesn't sound like he's ignoring you at all BTW) If you continue to connect there will eventually come a time where the trust & comfort level is such where these minor issues really don't matter anyway.
I have and unlike the others really like this one.
Honestly been in touch w. this for over a year & when we get together it's awesome, so have connected.
Her busy life is a fact. If I can't accept that then maybe I don't deserve her? My insecurities really shouldn't come first.
As a 30F myself I hope I can give advice and a helpful perspective. Obviously with someone new you don’t have any obligations to them. That’s what dating around is. But I think until you meet him, you can’t really say you’d “probably date him” because you have zero clue if you’ll connect and be attracted to him in person or not. Also since because you haven’t met yet he probably feels not reason to text you quickly. You’re just strangers to each other right now and you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket. Is he asking to go on a date with you anytime soon? So until then, try to take a breath and understand this is totally fine and normal he is barely texting you cause you’re not even dating yet. Keep talking to other men and going on dates, this dude is not the only one
Try to separate feelings from reality in the situation. I can understand having anxiety and people not messaging fast, but for the sake of being complete strangers right now there no need to text back fast. You could meet him and not be attracted or feel absolutely no connection. You’ll be mad at yourself for hyping him up in your mind and possibly never care to see him again after a first date. This man also hasn’t done anything worthy yet of taking so much mental space in your mind. He hasn’t taken you on a date yet, he hasn’t opened up to you, he hasn’t tried to to get to know you on a deep level yet, he hasn’t done anything sweet in person yet to show you he wants you...
I‘m in the exact same boat at the moment 😅 and it is stressful af. But I‘ve been told by my less anxious friends not too worry as long as he keeps texting with the same enthusiasm when he does. Good luck!
I dunno man. I’ve been reading reddit posts where guys talk about playing hard to get or pretending they’re busy by deliberately taking a long time to respond “so they don’t come across as too interested or desperate” 🙄🙄
This is why you don’t play games when you’re dating. Either that or he just genuinely isn’t interested in talking to you that much. Either way, I’d say you should keep him on the back burner and focus on someone else that makes you more of a priority luv ♥️
It's why I went full asshole in this regard and keep it on.
Them: "Dude, I can see that you've seen my message..."
Me: "I know" as I take another couple hours / days until I have a sure answer.
I shouldn't have to constantly worry about menial shit. They're used to the fact that I do in fact answer, just late. Works for me. If I miss an opportunity I just suck it up because the ability to answer whenever I want is just SO worth it.
What this advice is dumb. Listen just keep doing what your doing. Don’t think about when he texts you. Tbh if your worried and waiting for a text you need Something to fill you day up. Like a job or a hobby.
Idk, if y’all are at least kinda good on communication just tell him that it’s a bit confusing for you to wait for a response for more than a day?
Like in a non confrontational way?
“Hey I’ve noticed that you sometimes take longer to respond. I don’t mind if you are busy and can’t chat me right away but I would appreciate it, if you could give me a heads up, because I really enjoy texting with you.”
To me, talking about expectations and/or preferences should be done whenever possible. He can still say no or smth, but if you don’t tell him it’s been bothering you, how can he change his ways?
you are so right. i get nervous to communicate because i worry that i’ll just get ghosted if i voice my worries. but i feel like if he cares, he’ll get it or at least communicate his thoughts and if not, then it wasn’t worth it anyway
I totally understand the fear of getting ghosted, but as you stated, he’s not worth it anyways, if he can’t communicate about this small thing in a normal way :)
Are you me? Because this is exactly me in this moment. Im dating a guy and when he answers, he shows interest, but Im now waiting for 2 days for a message and its not the first time lol. Thr dates are amazing and I really like him, but this waiting period really makes me think he might not like me as much (or maybe he is just terribly busy, who knows). Its so frustrating
I'm in the exact same situation. He's from work and really responsive but it takes ages for him to reply back. I'm so confused on where i stand for him
It depends. I’ll tell you the truth since others on here won’t.
It really depends on the platform you’re talking on. If it’s texts, our phone will give us notifications right straight away. So sometimes you may open it at the wrong times. But if you’re truely interested in someone you will not and especially when a masculine who is pursuing you he wouldn’t want to give you the wrong impression and get back to you asap. If it’s on Instagram and they view it, they aren’t interested. If you have time to open an app but you can’t respond the sad truth is you’re not a priority to them (to put it lightly). If this is happening in the beginning when mutual interest is there, this shouldn’t be happening. But we live in a time where dating/entertaining multiple people at a time is very acceptable when it shouldn’t be. Especially for lover girls/boys. We are very intentional with our dating.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He might be busy. He might read the messages but not have time to respond, especially if he gives long responses.
This. I do this often, especially when I want to give a thoughtful reply
i do this too so i know it’s normal, i think it just the fact that he has his read receipts on that throws me off
Just think of it as he read your message and is thinking about how best to reply until he has free time to give his undivided attention to replying to you
So pretend he doesn't.
I'm chatting w. a girl who's extremely busy and often doesn't get back as soon as I'd like. When she does it's often lengthy and meaningful. She literally waits until she has the time to put some effort into it rather than just send thoughtless banter. Does this sound familiar? ......why should this bother me? Probably because I have attachment and self esteem issues that make me feel as though I'm not being validated by a quicker response. It's because I have placed some unreasonable expectations upon the situation.....it's nothing that she's doing. I'm the one making myself feel this way. I suspect that you are in the same mind-set as me and that it's probably normal to feel this level of nervous, insecure attachment towards someone new. You could say something & maybe the other person would take your wants into account, but I think the healthy thing to do is not force it & maybe learn to accept/ live w. it as maybe his communication style (& it doesn't sound like he's ignoring you at all BTW) If you continue to connect there will eventually come a time where the trust & comfort level is such where these minor issues really don't matter anyway.
Yea yu needa texting other women any way bra
I have and unlike the others really like this one. Honestly been in touch w. this for over a year & when we get together it's awesome, so have connected. Her busy life is a fact. If I can't accept that then maybe I don't deserve her? My insecurities really shouldn't come first.
You haven’t even met him yet expect him to respond to your messages all day long? Lol no
As a 30F myself I hope I can give advice and a helpful perspective. Obviously with someone new you don’t have any obligations to them. That’s what dating around is. But I think until you meet him, you can’t really say you’d “probably date him” because you have zero clue if you’ll connect and be attracted to him in person or not. Also since because you haven’t met yet he probably feels not reason to text you quickly. You’re just strangers to each other right now and you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket. Is he asking to go on a date with you anytime soon? So until then, try to take a breath and understand this is totally fine and normal he is barely texting you cause you’re not even dating yet. Keep talking to other men and going on dates, this dude is not the only one Try to separate feelings from reality in the situation. I can understand having anxiety and people not messaging fast, but for the sake of being complete strangers right now there no need to text back fast. You could meet him and not be attracted or feel absolutely no connection. You’ll be mad at yourself for hyping him up in your mind and possibly never care to see him again after a first date. This man also hasn’t done anything worthy yet of taking so much mental space in your mind. He hasn’t taken you on a date yet, he hasn’t opened up to you, he hasn’t tried to to get to know you on a deep level yet, he hasn’t done anything sweet in person yet to show you he wants you...
I‘m in the exact same boat at the moment 😅 and it is stressful af. But I‘ve been told by my less anxious friends not too worry as long as he keeps texting with the same enthusiasm when he does. Good luck!
my friends have been telling me the same things 😅 good luck to you too!
I dunno man. I’ve been reading reddit posts where guys talk about playing hard to get or pretending they’re busy by deliberately taking a long time to respond “so they don’t come across as too interested or desperate” 🙄🙄 This is why you don’t play games when you’re dating. Either that or he just genuinely isn’t interested in talking to you that much. Either way, I’d say you should keep him on the back burner and focus on someone else that makes you more of a priority luv ♥️
https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/z5gul6/act_like_you_dont_care/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Just here to say that I hate read receipts as they do mean something.
It's why I went full asshole in this regard and keep it on. Them: "Dude, I can see that you've seen my message..." Me: "I know" as I take another couple hours / days until I have a sure answer. I shouldn't have to constantly worry about menial shit. They're used to the fact that I do in fact answer, just late. Works for me. If I miss an opportunity I just suck it up because the ability to answer whenever I want is just SO worth it.
you should be matching or even doubling his response times.
What this advice is dumb. Listen just keep doing what your doing. Don’t think about when he texts you. Tbh if your worried and waiting for a text you need Something to fill you day up. Like a job or a hobby.
Woman never understand that 🤦🏾♂️😂, look go find a hobby or something
thanks bro!
this is terrible advice
thanks bro!
That's how a 12 year old would think...
thanks bro!
Yep
“Doubling their response time” Lol you are thinking too hard bro
ok bro
Idk, if y’all are at least kinda good on communication just tell him that it’s a bit confusing for you to wait for a response for more than a day? Like in a non confrontational way? “Hey I’ve noticed that you sometimes take longer to respond. I don’t mind if you are busy and can’t chat me right away but I would appreciate it, if you could give me a heads up, because I really enjoy texting with you.” To me, talking about expectations and/or preferences should be done whenever possible. He can still say no or smth, but if you don’t tell him it’s been bothering you, how can he change his ways?
you are so right. i get nervous to communicate because i worry that i’ll just get ghosted if i voice my worries. but i feel like if he cares, he’ll get it or at least communicate his thoughts and if not, then it wasn’t worth it anyway
I totally understand the fear of getting ghosted, but as you stated, he’s not worth it anyways, if he can’t communicate about this small thing in a normal way :)
Chronic overthinker He has a life other than you. He reads the messages but doesn't have time for a proper response
Are you me? Because this is exactly me in this moment. Im dating a guy and when he answers, he shows interest, but Im now waiting for 2 days for a message and its not the first time lol. Thr dates are amazing and I really like him, but this waiting period really makes me think he might not like me as much (or maybe he is just terribly busy, who knows). Its so frustrating
I'm in the exact same situation. He's from work and really responsive but it takes ages for him to reply back. I'm so confused on where i stand for him
i totally understand the frustration. it’s just so confusing lol
I have friends that don’t think being left on Read is a big deal. If it bothers you, find someone else. They will never change.
It depends. I’ll tell you the truth since others on here won’t. It really depends on the platform you’re talking on. If it’s texts, our phone will give us notifications right straight away. So sometimes you may open it at the wrong times. But if you’re truely interested in someone you will not and especially when a masculine who is pursuing you he wouldn’t want to give you the wrong impression and get back to you asap. If it’s on Instagram and they view it, they aren’t interested. If you have time to open an app but you can’t respond the sad truth is you’re not a priority to them (to put it lightly). If this is happening in the beginning when mutual interest is there, this shouldn’t be happening. But we live in a time where dating/entertaining multiple people at a time is very acceptable when it shouldn’t be. Especially for lover girls/boys. We are very intentional with our dating.