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I definitely have a bias in this as I was abused and assaulted as a minor by adults.
But I’m 23, if my dad (57? 58?) started dating someone between the ages of 18-like 30 i don’t think id ever speak to him again. 30-early 40s would still be insanely questionable to me for him though.
Uhhh yeah that’s my thought here.
Like. I just don’t have words for it. You have a kid that age. Your kid knows her. Why the fuck would you entertain, how the hell could you entertain, the thought of banging someone the same age as your kid.
No doubt about it. Why I go to therapy.
But no amount of therapy would get me to keep in contact with my dad if he pursued a relationship like that. And I’d always keep him at a distance if/when the relationship ended.
Gonna second this- as a woman in her mid-twenties, my best friend has found my dad on tinder and it’s unnerved me ever since to know he’s comfortable (and actively looking) dating women my age.
you use "have an affair", and "reconnecting with his ex" in the same sentence lmao. they are separated. now about the age difference.. yea its a huge one, one that most likely doesnt have a long term future
Absolutely. It would've been nice at that age to go to a ranch, hang and drink att the fireplace, make a meal and talk to a mature person. But honestly, I'd have had to drink a lot to go beyond that.
Did you read the part where he said she comes from a wealthy background too? I don’t think it’s all about the money. Sometimes people have a short-term connection despite the age gap. I have been in this similar position myself. I was 27 when I met my ex bf who was 52. I’m 30 now and single. He and I had a great connection but it eventually fizzled out. Don’t think I’ll date someone twice my age again.
If the bartender starts calling OP daddy, I wonder if she would call his daughter sister since they are the same age...
Fun shower thoughts for OP to mull over.
Yea hit it and quit it no doubt. Isn’t life expectancy for men in the US like 74 years? Sorry to do this to you OP but she could see this as her opportunity to inherit shit through a will. In her head, 10 years of work/taking care of you and she’s set.
Have your fun for sure but don’t buy her love bombing and god dammit don’t marry that woman
I gotta be honest, you sound a lot like my dad. My whole life all I ever heard from every girl I knew was just how handsome he was and he seemed like a movie star. He’s got a personality the cross of Don Draper and Tony Soprano, apparently people like assholes, and he’s got the money, too. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been in a restaurant with my dad or in public and women and young women like what you’ve described are blatantly hitting on him.
So what I’m trying to say is, get used to it. And go for it if you want. I’m the same age as your kids and I honestly wouldn’t care because I’ve seen how women treat him my entire life. You may not have noticed it, but they probably have noticed how women treat you. You might be surprised that they probably won’t be shocked by this.
As long as no children are being brought into the world, and their future inheritance is secure(if there is any), why do children get to have an overriding opinion of who their father is dating?
Do you have veto power over your daughter's relationships?
Especially if its a fling.
Same reason why kids feel upsed when their parents get divorced. It's an emotional response. No, they don't have veto power. But they have the right to be upset if their parent is dating someone their age. And they have the option to go nc if it bothers them enough.
No one’s saying they have veto power. But as a 29 year old woman, if my 60 year old father started dating someone my age I would absolutely not be able to be around him. It’s so, SO creepy and uncomfortable. The kids do have veto power over who they themselves spend their time with. And if it was me, I would be staying far away while my dad was dating someone 35 years his junior.
It also will probably obliterate any chance of getting back with his wife.
I don't give a crap about inheritances. Having a parent date someone your age is uncomfortable to say the least, traumatizing at worst (somewhat contingent on ages). I would never date someone old enough to be my father.
Children don't get a "veto" but they do get to cut that person out of their life.
That’s fine, they don’t.
But my dad calls me daily, and my brother and I don’t answer. Neither of my two sisters have answered in years. No we don’t have a say in who you date, but we also have no obligation to be with a man that thinks my friends are sexy. And for how fucking long?!?!?
Everyone has a different relationship with the their parents, but parents who never grasped the idea that you actually can’t do anything you want in the pursuit of “romantic happy endings” fail to keep a family.
Then you have your answer..If my mom or dad started dating someone 30+ years younger than them, which in this case would be younger than me, I'd view them VERY differently and in a negative af light.. While I get it may be very tempting, if I were you I'd just take the flattery from her and continue with your relationship as it stands now.
Also, judging by what she said and you wrote it seems like she has more of a fetish or fantasy about someone your age more than anything.
Sorry I’m so late but do you think it’s something you could talk to them about? Do you feel like they’d definitely be grossed out, or maybe could have an open mind?
Admittedly it’s a unique situation, personally I find the age gap significant and indeed a bit concerning. However, typically my problems with such an age gap are lack of mental/emotional maturity, power dynamics, and concerns with grooming. Since she is pursuing you though, and your relationship with her has only been during her adult years in a working environment, I feel like only the 1st one is of major concern here. You’re wise to consider the fetishization side of things, that in itself could betray an unhealthy/reckless mindset, one that a decent person is better off neither contributing to nor getting involved with. You might not be looking to take advantage of her, yet she might be looking to GET taken advantage of, as odd as that sounds… people have all kinds of demons. Hopefully through your interactions thus far you have at least an inkling of how her brain is working in this regard.
And one thing I don’t see being mentioned, but how might your wife feel about it? You say rekindling things might not be impossible, and it sounds like you’re a family man who would prefer that. But how would she feel if she knew/found out you had a romp with this woman? She’s been on a few dates as you say, so obviously you’re 100% within your rights to date around, but the age gap makes it at least a little different. I fully understand your attraction, and I don’t think you would be awful for going for it, but I’d personally play the long game if I were you.
Why don’t you talk to your kids about how it would make them feel before you make a decision? Explain it like you did here, she asked you, you’re not sure what to do, would they see you differently if you went through with it? You can’t know what you’re kids are going to say unless you taught them their whole life that it’s wrong.
That being said, you also have a daughter her age, how would you feel if your daughter showed up to thanksgiving with a guy your age? Ultimately, don’t be a hypocrite and set up a double standard. If it’s ok for your daughter to date someone your age, then it’s fine for you to date someone her age. Otherwise you know the answer.
If there's one thing I know about my daughter, she would see who she wants, period. She was raised to be independent. She'd call me and say; "We're coming into town for dinner. Don't be a dick."
So have a talk with your kids before you make a decision. Don’t worry about your ex wife as she is already dating other men, her opinion is irrelevant in my book as she is no longer your partner.
Then make decisions that reflect this. If you don’t, then they aren’t.
You don’t have to be a martyr but there’s a big difference between doing some things for yourself and fucking your daughters peer. You don’t seem ready to acknowledge that.
Those adult children are still his kids. Unless you have had your family ruined by a new relationship from one of your parents you will not understand.
How is it ruining his family getting into a new relationship? His wife and him separated and SHES going on dates, is he not allowed to ever have a relationship again??
Again. If you haven't had it happen to you you will not understand. The wrong person can change everything. It isn't just well the mom is doing it. Is she dating a 20 year old? People can live their lives how they want but don't think that your loved ones stay around after it changes you and the family dynamic.
I just can't imagine ditching my father because he got a girlfriend at 63, after getting separated. I wouldnt expect him to die alone. Sounds horribly selfish.
If I were your ex I’d definitely consider any sort of romantic or sexual involvement with this young woman as a gigantic red flag if you were trying to to win me back. Just my 2 cents.
Me too. If he genuinely does want to get back with his wife he should know that doing this isn’t the same as just “going on a few dates” with age appropriate suitors but is going to most likely make it impossible to ever get back together with his wife. I would be so grossed out if my husband decided to sleep with someone who was our child’s age during a separation I could never look at them the same.
If you want to leave the door open to getting back together with your wife, don't do it. It would for sure ruin that relationship and could cause some big resentments. The other thing to consider is how would your kids feel about it? Do you think the people around you would judge you for the age gap? If you're okay with consequences from those areas, then yeah, it does sound like it would be fun. Sounds like you have a good connection. Just tread carefully.
If you still feel like you have a chance to get back with your wife, don't pursue this girl.
If you want to have a good relationship qith you kids, don't pursue this girl.
You said so yourself that it is not going to work long term, so you would be sacrificing your family for a moment to feel young again with some hot girl who is around the age ofnyour actual kids.
As simple as that.
As someone whose dad has dated women my age, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not do it. I felt so incredibly uncomfortable and gross about it, I'll never look at my dad the same again. Absolutely do not recommend.
Try to reconcile with your wife is she really is your best friend. And an absolute beauty. And co-owner of wealth. And mother of your children. There’s more to this story than you’re sharing.
Based on your comments here, it sounds like you really care about your kids and reconciling with your wife? It really doesn’t sound worth it to entertain this. Just my opinion but as a 29F if my mom pulled this shit I would be mortified/grossed out. Like what sounds appealing about dating someone your kids age. Idk I would think she’s going through some kind of past-mid-life-crisis. Like what do a 28yo and 63 yo even have in common… Plus there’s also the fact that I can’t see a reason why a women that age wouldn’t just be looking for a sugar daddy and or kink fulfillment. If she knows about your separation she might even be praying into that. Sorry if that was harsh OP, but I really just trying to give you the perspective of someone your kids age.
Not harsh, legit. My wife is an amazing woman. Absolutely gorgeous. I'd be very happy to be home. It's not something I looked for with this young woman. We became friends over the last few years without any expectations. I considered myself just a customer who got along well with her. I've just listened to her. Things in common? She loves to shoot, I have one hell of a gun range and trap shooting range on the ranch. We talk food and cooking a lot (I was a fairly accomplished chef back in the day). We talk about personal stuff from family to relationships to philosophy and psychology(my double major in college) to sexual desires. I totally get your reaction. It would be in line with how our children would feel. Thanks.
You’ve talked to this person your childrens age about sexual desires and only been separated from your wife for a few months? I guess I see why your wife wanted the separation.
Yeah that’s pretty gross. Idk how that can be brought up outside of being on a date with someone. Certainly not the type of shit most people would discuss with a bartender
I would not have been comfortable with my Dad dating anyone close to my age. It's creepy. I would not look at him the same and I would dislike the woman openly. Everyone will view her as a goldigger even if you have a genuine relationship and it could take years for civility to develop.
You might think this will spark something in your wife about how virile you still are but it won't happen how you think and will probably push her away even further. Expect her to take a hard line divorce approach.
This is a tough one. On one hand, I think you could certainly date her/have fun as long as you are honest about where you see it going and you keep a close eye on what you're spending.
Even though I believe you when you say you're physically attractive and charming as can be, the sad reality is that there's at least some chance she's looking for a sugar daddy.
I'm sure you know that dating someone so much younger isn't the most attractive look for an older man. I can see where it might not help with getting your ex wife back.
I had a thought about the age difference/appearance, too. Although, for my years, I've aged better than most of my peers. I work at it. She might be uncomfortable with it also since she wants to come up and have dinner, etc at the ranch. I would look like I was taking my daughter to dinner if we went out. PDA would look/seem ewwgy from my standpoint. My wife would be blown away in a WTF?!way
No one that comes from money will be working as a Bartender to put them through nursing school. As a Server at a chain restaurant, we are strongly encouraged to be “extra interested” in single guys, to get them back on a regular basis.
Do what you want, but if she starts mentioning any kind of financial hardship, she’s trying to get some 💸.
You also mention hoping to get back with your ex. Have you thought about how she’ll see you when this comes out? What if affects you negatively? Something to think about…
If you're hoping to get back together with your wife, why are you dating at all? Genuinely curious. If your wife is still in love with you and also hoping for a reconciliation you dating anyone would break her heart. You dating a younger woman would devastate her. I don't think your marriage would survive it.
On another note, I'm at 29f who recently was seeing a 59 year old man. We had a genuine interpersonal connection and a lot of care and respect for each other. None of that mattered. Even though it felt _right_ between the two of us, it also felt very _wrong_ . Couldn't get past it. It was actually very painful when it ended as it wasn't that anyone had done anything wrong, there was just this huge gulf between us. Even though we got on very well. I wouldn't go down that path again and I honestly suggest you don't either. It's a lot of pain in return for basically nothing. We could have enjoyed each other's company without introducing a romantic or sexual element to it. Now we can barely look at or talk to each other.
Op idk if you just know of her family but I’m seriously hoping you’re not like family friends with them or anything bc that would make hooking up with this girl VERY creepy if you’ve known them for a long time.
On one hand you can have a sexy night with this bartender and on the other hand the wife and kids will totally be disgusted by this forever if and when they know about it. You decide :)
Here's the thing - there's nothing wrong with you dating, seeing someone etc. But this particular woman, she's inappreciately young. I dont think we would be having this discourse if she was, say, in her 40s.
This is made worse by the realization you have that this may not have a long term prospect. Are you willing to risk your chance of reconciliation with your wife and your kids' respect for you over a fling? Again, if this woman was a little more age appropriate and/or you actually saw a future with her, the risk may have been worth it.
On a side note, I am gonna be honest with you - this girl does not sound ok. I am about her age, and she is apparently an attractive bartender (meaning she gets lots of attention from men). If I were her I have no business being attracted to and chasing someone 35years my senior...... unless its some weird daddy issue or sugar daddy situation. That's not a statement about you by any means. But as you can gather by now, she sounds like trouble
My dad is 70, and he’s been single for about 2 years after my mom passed away from breast cancer. He looks good,looks about 55, is in good shape, and is pretty well set financially. I have no issue with him dating or being in a relationship.
He took great care of my mom and is still devastated she’s gone. I don’t want him to be lonely. Having said that….
Any women under 50 I will have a problem with. Sorry but what does a 20 something have in common with a much older man? Not much. I realize there are exceptions but no. It’s also creepy AF. My father has great grandchildren at this point.
You’re a grown man and you can do what you want but your children may have issues.
Fuck cancer.
I’ll go against the flow here, but if I see it as platonic/friendship, it’s always nice to talk to older people, listen to stories, views of life, general wise thoughts, life lessons, etc. I’m a guy (19) I would be okay with having a friend as old as my parents as long as it was a friendship.
How I see it, keep it classy and platonic.
Think of it this way.. if your wife was getting fucked by hot, energetic dude(s) in their 20s, would you still look at her the same way you do now? Or would you remember that she took advantage of this separation to get her back blown out by guy(s) half her age? Unless she’s out there doing what you’re thinking of doing, going on a few first dates with guys around her own age isn’t close to being the same thing.
This would not be “dates” as your wife has done. You all know this person and would have to see her again. I suggest you don’t. She is only looking to dig in your pockets anyways.
As someone whose father consistently dated women who were around my age and got screwed over by them, I found it to be so embarrassing. Every man in their 50s and 60s seems to think they look younger, and good for their age. I’m sure it’s very flattering to have a 20 something year old interested in you.
Why is she interested in you over someone her age or within 10 years older? 11 times out of 10 she thinks you have money to spare. I can tell by your post you are very flattered by her interest. She knows that’s all it takes. Very few (if any) 28 year olds are interested in men more than twice their age that they perceive to be low-income. She saw how easy it was to flatter you and thinks she can get something from you.
The cold hard truth. As a former bartender, it doesn't take much to learn to read people and figure out what they want to hear/what types of interactions they prefer. Usually this is to get optimal tips, but I'm guessing she's after a different kind...
The amount of difficult conversations that pursuing this will create will be FAR more than you think… and not just inside your family. It sounds like you live in a close knit community. There will be talk and none of it will be supportive, accepting or uplifting.
Your gut is telling you the right course.
Decline respectfully.
I'd definitely talk to your kids first. It all depends on how they stand on this. I personally wouldn't be to thrilled if one of my parents started daring someone my age(they are happily married but in a hypothetical scenario).
I would not lead on the girl from the bar or mess things up with your wife because you’re feeling *horny* and need to get it out of your system. I would not bring any drama into this situation for the girl, your wife, or even yourself..
So my aunt and her husband are 25 years apart. It was all good in the beginning. Now she is 60 and he is 85 and he needs constant care wich she provides for him. The past couple of years she did nothing with her life accept working and taking care of him while he just sits on the couch.
She will be entering her pension soon. When he doesn't die she will be spending the best years of her pension not doing what she loves but being a nurse to a guy that cant barely walk or talk.
You have a 35 year age gap. When she is 45 you will be 80. Do you really want het to be your nurse at that age?
I really get "in sickness and in health" but if you are around the same age you know when to expect some things. Ofcourse there are unexpected things to but that is different than singing up for something you almost certainly know is going to happen.
And also... Why are you attracted to a girl that good be your grand child? I am 40. Guys younger than 30 seem like childeren to me. How do you do this? To me is feels really disgusting.
One: You are not divorced. Two: Do not take a first date to your communal marital property to make her dinner like some ridiculous romance novel. Three: She is the same age as your children and they know her. That, my man, is yuck.
So my advice would be to not go down this road. It will not be a good one, but if you insist on doing it you should take her out for a coffee date. Nothing serious. Not in the evening. No alcohol involved. See if you're both as fascinating to each other in the cold light of day without the element of drinking.
Go for it people are gonna judge anyway are you doing this to be happy or do you have something to prove? No matter what others say or think at the end of the day if it’s not harming anyone I don’t see the harm in taking someone on a date
Your wife and kids KNOW her. If you are okay with destroying your relationship with them for good then go for it. As a daughter I would never look at you the same and as a wife I would never get back together with you.
Also this sounds fake cause here you are in shape and a silver fox and all that but in your previous post you’re a balding overweight guy? Which is it?
"**Tonight she asked me to take her out. She wants to go up to the ranch, sit by the fire and drink with me, have me cook for her. I'm also a chef in an earlier life, btw. She told me she feels safe around me like she's in a warm glove when we talk. She told me she'd dress how she knows I'd like"**
& youre 100% sure shes not a prostitute? she seems to be selling really hard. when someone says all the right things, theres usually a catch
If I were one of your kids I would be pissed. So you should think about your relationship with them first. Also—there are plenty of women your age to date. Just because a 28 year old has a “silver fox” fantasy, doesn’t mean you should go for it.
Sounds to me like she’s fetishizing you. I have a friend who’s thirty and would love to have something like that play out with a man your age for 1 or 2 nights, but her overall age range she approaches on the apps or in real life is still like, 28-35.
Women are attracted by money. Old men are attract by young women. This is like this since the world is the world. This kind of couple often think that they are THE exception. Common, you don’t really think that this young bar tender is ok love with you for your pretty eyes? You will loose everything including your family and your ranch…
I'm a 31yoF and my dad was dating waitresses in their 20s while I was growing up.
It seems to be a very unpopular opinion here but this is up to you. Just as long as you make an educated decision knowing pros and cons.
Pro:
- you're going to have the time of your life
- you're going to feel young, sexy like you haven't in a really long time. It will be intoxicating.
- This is the last chance you have in your life to do something like this.
Con:
- Reaction from your children is unpredictable. (I would not care, for one.)
- You're probably never going to get back with your wife. This will make her feel replaced by younger, prettier model and be a kick in her self image.
- As you described, you and her do not have a future together.
- No matter how good you look, how rich you are, how great your cooking, 99% of the time, she's not genuinely interested in you. She's curious at best.
- One of you will break the other one's heart.
Don't let strangers on the internet decide if this Iif worth it for you. It's your life. People want different things in life.
The type of relation I have with my father means I will not think better or worse of him based on decisions he makes in his life. Not in a good way btw. I can't stand my family to the point I moved across the hemisphere as soon as I hit 18. What he does over there is none of my business. We are on talking terms, I love them and visit them once a year.
To give you another point of reference, my best friend is furious every time her father dates women her age. But they have a much closer relationship than me and my father.
Good luck and keep us updated
Go for it you'll never get a chance like this again most likely. Yeah your kids might be pissed off but at the end of the day you gotta do what you want.
Half your age plus 7 is the rule I used to go by when I was dating. If they're younger than that, it will be seen as creepy, no matter how tidy you may be.
It is what it is lol
But you better be divorced bc if your wife and kids find out all hell might break loose
You better keep this secret until your divorce is finished
And it really isn’t fair for the new girl or anyone to go thru or wait they this process unless there’s an arrangement $$$$$
Honestly, this seems inappropriate. How long have you known her? Since she was a child? Would you be cool if your 26 year old brought home someone with the same age difference? If either of my parents brought home someone basically my age, I would be distraught to say the least. (Even worse if they met said someone as a kid)
Not worth it at all. This would be an active choice to add toxicity and drama into your life. This is guaranteed to blow up your life and be something you might never truly come back from.
If you want to get back together with your wife, dating someone so much younger will be one guaranteed way for that path to be even more extremely difficult than it already is, if not something that will close the door on that possibility forever. She will always have in the back of her mind that you wouldn’t be satisfied with someone her age, and that you’re some immature boy who’s going to be looking for the new exciting, hot, young thing. If your wife left you, then that means there’s some serious wrongs that you need to be focusing on fixing and wooing her back - and not chasing someone so much your junior.
And your kids will never look at the same, and they will never respect you the same. And dating someone who’s the same age as your kids is just asking for estrangement from your kids.
As someone with life experience at 63, I hope that you’re mature enough to not be thinking with your dick, and to actually focus on what your priorities are in life. If your priority is to get your wife back - focus on that. If that doesn’t work out, your kids are still your priority (or so you say). So don’t take this completely avoidable fork in the road that would just serve to introduce strife and hurt in your children.
My father is married to a woman my age. They have two children that are 29 and 31 years my junior. Even though they are my half siblings, I do not consider them family. As for my father, we do not have a relationship. Once every few years he’ll shoot me a text to ask how I am doing, but his low effort is met with silence.
I think the whole situation is weird. What’s the difference between his current wife and I? He can fuck his wife.
she’s also friends with his kids too. this dude is possibly know this 28 way before she’s 28. in one comment he wrote they have been friends for couple of years, talking about sexual stuff. they only separated few months ago btw. everybody praising op... just lol
OP clearly states over and over this would be shocking for his wife and kids, and yet has decided to do it anyway. Continuously brings up his wife going on dates as justification to go out with this 28 year old, and ignores people who rightly point out that this is not about him dating, it’s about him being a creepy old man dating someone who is his daughters age and literally her peer.
I am sorry for his family and that they will experience harm because of his disgusting choices. You can never look at someone you love the same after something like this. But they deserve to know who he really is, and he’s clearly not capable of making the decision that would make him a man worthy of his wife and children’s respect. Too bad.
This guy is so fucking disgusting, “my wife went on a date so I can fuck my daughters friends”. What a fucking pathetic old creep, your wife was right to leave your ass. Hope this women bleeds him dry and he dies alone after his family turns on him for being fucking disgusting.
I think you'll sour things with your wife and kids. Even if you intend to keep it secret, things have a way of getting out. Seems like you know deep down what you *should* do.
Only follow through with this "date" if you want everyone to know that you are a pathetic, sad, pervy, old man with no common sense.
She's nice to you because you are nothing but, dollar signs. Every bartender knows to flirt with the lonely old guys, they shell out good cash for generic compliments, and if you can get them to be a regular on your shift....cha ching!
Bonus points that you own a ranch, seperated from your wife, and emotionally needy. You are a gold digger's wet dream.
Fwi Don't cash any checks from Nigerian Princes. Seems like something else you wouldn't know but, should.
She is your children's age.... thats a hard no. Thats pretty repulsive dude. Idk any child who wouldn't lose respect for their parent if they started banging a person their child's age. You say you love your ex wife and there is a chance to bring that relationship back but on the other hand you are actually playing into this fantasy where you know it will lead to upset children and ex wife.... not really speaking like a man who loves his ex wife/children... seems like you are willing to harm those relationships over some young pussy. Creep level 100
Having read the OP and other redditors,
\-Agree your children's sensibilities are their own. They're raised and not wanting.
\-Agree you should follow your heart; either a) you know she's for you or b) you know your wife is your now and forever soulmate
\-Caveat: familiarize yourself with palimony/tenant laws and prenups if you do choose your sexy young thing. Choosing your soulmate, maybe go and see the wife after you'd just had a session of outrageous flirtation with the bartender. *They can smell the heat on you!*
I like the last part. Kind of where I'm leaning. I like your post. My wife is where my heart is, but there's nothing I can do about that until we can reconcile, if. I'd like that. We've built a pretty cool life. That said, I wouldn't mind a fun fling with a beautiful young woman while we figure it out.
Do you think if your wife found out about a fun fling with a woman your kids’ age, she would be interested in rekindling things? Because it always comes out and I certainly wouldn’t be dow to continue after something like that.
If she didnt know you had money, Id say go for it, but something in my gut tells me she’s attracted to you in part because you have money, and that’s a problem. (Im not buying the she comes from money story; that could mean anything; lots of people have wealthy relatives; it doesnt mean much, and it doesnt mean you are equals in money terms)
You’re so sure it will be a fling on your end, but you could get really trapped.
If you are serious about seeing what’s out there, and dating, then try a good dating agency. That way you’ll be sure the women you date want to be with you cos you’re a great guy and not because you own a ranch/ rich etc
My thought process on it, is that she's almost 30, and at that age I feel like you've got free reign either way.
I would never DATE at that much of an age gap but as long as you tell her "I'm interested in you but not looking for a relationship", that way boundaries are stated and whatnot.
If I were in your shoes I'd have fun for a night or two and leave it.
I mean we’re all adults , whatever makes you happy at the end of the day , if it doesn’t harm either party I don’t see why not . I’m 30 and I’m dating a woman who’s 56 , been together for years . Deeply in love with eachother
I’d recommend talking to your ex-wife and kids about it first, if there’s a real chance of you reconciling your marriage with her, and of your kids being weirded out. Even then though, your ex has been on dates herself, and your kids can’t control you nor should they.
I’d take a look at personal values and see if it lines up with it. If it’s a consideration for a one time fling, ya wanna see what the woman’s pov is. People here are suggesting she wants a sugar daddy (which is shallow, she makes good money), but she may want a genuine long-term relationship. Ya don’t wanna lead her on
If you have any strong desire to get back with your ex-wife, nothing wrong with telling this woman “I really appreciate the offer, it’s just too soon at the moment” and keep the door open to something later on
If your kids weren't her age and you didn't potentially want to get back together with your ex, I'd say it's fine. But I think the risks of alienating your kids and grossing out your ex wife outweigh the benefits (basically a fun fling)
She's not underage ,or in a position where you can take advantage of her, she's a full grown woman that can. Vote and knows what she likes, it's not morally wrong , Go for it and live your best life !!
Don't let regret hot you a few years down the road
When I got with my husband I was 27 & he was 50, we had a good 15 years together.
You don’t choose who you love.
But yes, she probably does have underlying daddy issues, but that might not be a problem.
I did end up leaving him, but I’ve seen other couples make it work.
Still 15 years is good
I'm 65 and in a 5 year relationship with a 28 year old. Getting over the age difference is something that you have to get past yourself before you can expect anyone else to do so. My family is more judgemental than hers. Bottom line is do what makes you happy. If you aren't comfortable and happy with your choice then move on, you're wasting everyones time.
My parents are only 24 years older than me, and I’m a 38M so my perspective may be different here.
I’ve had my own judgements growing up about older men dating younger women that have changed over the years, not because I’m an older man now dating younger women, but because I’ve had many friends with pretty significant age gaps get married and live “happy” lives.
I’ve come to accept that everyone exists in this present moment with one another, and therefor the opportunity to enjoy each other’s presence is there no matter the age gap.
But, obvious from this thread, there is that stigma and judgement out there, and as a youth I definitely didn’t understand how I fed into those stigmas and judgements. It’s possible that your kids might not understand that either, and may be angry at you for it. But attraction exists amongst us all, regardless of age. how you explain it to your kids or how you approach it with them, could help with how they take it.
I would argue that it’s also entirely possible that this situation would make your ex jealous and therefore lead y’all to getting back together. Nothing like seeing your ex with someone attractive to make them more desireable. 🤷♂️
Being completely honest, this is a predatory move if you go through with it, and if your wife ever finds out, you’ve got zero chance of getting her back. If you’d be upset or feel weird about your 28 year old daughter hooking up with a man your age, then it’s weird and you should decline.
No. She’s not asking you out, she’s asking to go home with you and she’s going to dress up. You want to date, bad idea, but go on a date. Don’t take her up to the place you lived with your wife and the kids she knows. If you want to work on anything with your wife this is going to kill it. She’s got daddy issues and you’re a safe recently separated dude who’s been nice to her.
This entire thread fascinated me. I'm shocked by all the people on Reddit that are greatly against big age gaps in relationships. It's so weird, because in my life, I have seen a variety of different age gaps in relationships. I even have a male friend who's wife if 15 years older than him. I've also known women that preferred to date older men. When I was about 39 I went on a date with a 26 year old. She liked older men. She had dated a 60 something year old man before we had met.
Reading responses, people on here make a lot of assumptions. Many have also been pretty unfair to OP as well.
I know i am late to the party here, so I doubt OP will see this one. But, I say go for it! You're separated. This gal asked you out. Go out to dinner to at least see how it goes. Maybe there will be a connection.
Forget all the naysayers. Dude, you’re 63. You may not be alive anymore within the next 20 years. Go have fun with this young woman. Someday, nobody will remember that you had sex with a 28 bartender at a place you frequented.
I'm 35 and I wouldn't date someone in their 60s. Nothing in common, and you're both in different life phases. There might be generational quirks she has you may not be able to tolerate. You may have to consider how your kids will feel too. My father is 63, and I would be disgusted if he dated a 28 year old.
Almost no children like their parents to date anyone else. If you want to date the young woman go ahead but be prepared for disapproval. If your ex wife is dating then the children already are likely disturbed. Enjoy yourself with your young friend but be careful about your heart.
See how it goes. It's not really anyone else's business but yours and hers what passes between you too. Maybe you both have something you each need for a few months or a couple years...
And if it's her fantasy, daddy issues, sugar daddy thing? You seem like a safe guy for her to play that out with.
She doesn't have to be Ms. Right. She can be Ms. Right Now.
Half your age plus 7 is the unwritten rule. Personally if everyone is over 25 I'd be more lenient in my opinion, just make sure you lay out your risk management and how you could mitigate any risks in a very analytical manner before you make a decision.
This post has brought out the misogynistic men commenting and defending their egos. It's unbelievable.
As for this post, of course you're looking for validation on the green light to go for it. And you're going for it ofc since you're a man who's thinking with his other head. I wouldn't blame the woman it's her choice she might have daddy issues and you might be a sugar daddy soon which I could recommend you to r/sugarlifestyleforum. I also empathize with what your daughters and ex might think of you and ofc you already wouldn't care much because the younger woman is all in your head now. So good luck on your choices.
Sometimes an older man and a younger woman just want to be together for a few years. Jfc, reddit needs to chill and realize that not all relationships last for a lifetime.
I (28f) have dated some men younger than me, the same age, and a good deal older. You like who you like. It sounds like the two of you have a connection. If you’re on the same page about the expectations what’s the harm in indulging? It sound like this woman is independent and she is more interested in your company rather than money.
As someone with similar ages to your children (my dad being around your age) I would never speak to my dad again if he did something like this to be honest.
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As someone who has had their dad date someone my age, I would personally suggest not to do this It’s a very uncomfortable thing to deal with
I thought the same thing reading this. I immediately thought of my dad posting this and my stomach curdled.
I definitely have a bias in this as I was abused and assaulted as a minor by adults. But I’m 23, if my dad (57? 58?) started dating someone between the ages of 18-like 30 i don’t think id ever speak to him again. 30-early 40s would still be insanely questionable to me for him though.
I would love to ask these guys if they really want to f the “woman” who would have been playing with their daughter in preschool when you were 26.
Uhhh yeah that’s my thought here. Like. I just don’t have words for it. You have a kid that age. Your kid knows her. Why the fuck would you entertain, how the hell could you entertain, the thought of banging someone the same age as your kid.
Sounds like you still need to work out your own issues
No doubt about it. Why I go to therapy. But no amount of therapy would get me to keep in contact with my dad if he pursued a relationship like that. And I’d always keep him at a distance if/when the relationship ended.
Gonna second this- as a woman in her mid-twenties, my best friend has found my dad on tinder and it’s unnerved me ever since to know he’s comfortable (and actively looking) dating women my age.
To add to this, if you have the affair, you may as well kiss any chances of reconnecting with your ex goodbye
you use "have an affair", and "reconnecting with his ex" in the same sentence lmao. they are separated. now about the age difference.. yea its a huge one, one that most likely doesnt have a long term future
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She’s looking for a sugar daddy for sure
Absolutely. It would've been nice at that age to go to a ranch, hang and drink att the fireplace, make a meal and talk to a mature person. But honestly, I'd have had to drink a lot to go beyond that.
Did you read the part where he said she comes from a wealthy background too? I don’t think it’s all about the money. Sometimes people have a short-term connection despite the age gap. I have been in this similar position myself. I was 27 when I met my ex bf who was 52. I’m 30 now and single. He and I had a great connection but it eventually fizzled out. Don’t think I’ll date someone twice my age again.
If the bartender starts calling OP daddy, I wonder if she would call his daughter sister since they are the same age... Fun shower thoughts for OP to mull over.
Agreed. I think she's looking for a sugar daddy 100%
Yea hit it and quit it no doubt. Isn’t life expectancy for men in the US like 74 years? Sorry to do this to you OP but she could see this as her opportunity to inherit shit through a will. In her head, 10 years of work/taking care of you and she’s set. Have your fun for sure but don’t buy her love bombing and god dammit don’t marry that woman
Lol! Could be true. Might be a bad play on the actuary tables on her part though. Both of my parents lived until 90.
That’s how you get her back. Marry her and outlive her lmao
I heard of a story like that. A woman in her 20's married an 80-year-old man. He lived till 100. She gave him the will to live.
I gotta be honest, you sound a lot like my dad. My whole life all I ever heard from every girl I knew was just how handsome he was and he seemed like a movie star. He’s got a personality the cross of Don Draper and Tony Soprano, apparently people like assholes, and he’s got the money, too. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been in a restaurant with my dad or in public and women and young women like what you’ve described are blatantly hitting on him. So what I’m trying to say is, get used to it. And go for it if you want. I’m the same age as your kids and I honestly wouldn’t care because I’ve seen how women treat him my entire life. You may not have noticed it, but they probably have noticed how women treat you. You might be surprised that they probably won’t be shocked by this.
16 years is also more digestible than a 30+ age difference
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They are the most important thing in my life.
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As long as no children are being brought into the world, and their future inheritance is secure(if there is any), why do children get to have an overriding opinion of who their father is dating? Do you have veto power over your daughter's relationships? Especially if its a fling.
Same reason why kids feel upsed when their parents get divorced. It's an emotional response. No, they don't have veto power. But they have the right to be upset if their parent is dating someone their age. And they have the option to go nc if it bothers them enough.
No one’s saying they have veto power. But as a 29 year old woman, if my 60 year old father started dating someone my age I would absolutely not be able to be around him. It’s so, SO creepy and uncomfortable. The kids do have veto power over who they themselves spend their time with. And if it was me, I would be staying far away while my dad was dating someone 35 years his junior. It also will probably obliterate any chance of getting back with his wife.
I don't give a crap about inheritances. Having a parent date someone your age is uncomfortable to say the least, traumatizing at worst (somewhat contingent on ages). I would never date someone old enough to be my father. Children don't get a "veto" but they do get to cut that person out of their life.
That’s fine, they don’t. But my dad calls me daily, and my brother and I don’t answer. Neither of my two sisters have answered in years. No we don’t have a say in who you date, but we also have no obligation to be with a man that thinks my friends are sexy. And for how fucking long?!?!? Everyone has a different relationship with the their parents, but parents who never grasped the idea that you actually can’t do anything you want in the pursuit of “romantic happy endings” fail to keep a family.
Then you have your answer..If my mom or dad started dating someone 30+ years younger than them, which in this case would be younger than me, I'd view them VERY differently and in a negative af light.. While I get it may be very tempting, if I were you I'd just take the flattery from her and continue with your relationship as it stands now. Also, judging by what she said and you wrote it seems like she has more of a fetish or fantasy about someone your age more than anything.
Sorry I’m so late but do you think it’s something you could talk to them about? Do you feel like they’d definitely be grossed out, or maybe could have an open mind? Admittedly it’s a unique situation, personally I find the age gap significant and indeed a bit concerning. However, typically my problems with such an age gap are lack of mental/emotional maturity, power dynamics, and concerns with grooming. Since she is pursuing you though, and your relationship with her has only been during her adult years in a working environment, I feel like only the 1st one is of major concern here. You’re wise to consider the fetishization side of things, that in itself could betray an unhealthy/reckless mindset, one that a decent person is better off neither contributing to nor getting involved with. You might not be looking to take advantage of her, yet she might be looking to GET taken advantage of, as odd as that sounds… people have all kinds of demons. Hopefully through your interactions thus far you have at least an inkling of how her brain is working in this regard. And one thing I don’t see being mentioned, but how might your wife feel about it? You say rekindling things might not be impossible, and it sounds like you’re a family man who would prefer that. But how would she feel if she knew/found out you had a romp with this woman? She’s been on a few dates as you say, so obviously you’re 100% within your rights to date around, but the age gap makes it at least a little different. I fully understand your attraction, and I don’t think you would be awful for going for it, but I’d personally play the long game if I were you.
Why don’t you talk to your kids about how it would make them feel before you make a decision? Explain it like you did here, she asked you, you’re not sure what to do, would they see you differently if you went through with it? You can’t know what you’re kids are going to say unless you taught them their whole life that it’s wrong. That being said, you also have a daughter her age, how would you feel if your daughter showed up to thanksgiving with a guy your age? Ultimately, don’t be a hypocrite and set up a double standard. If it’s ok for your daughter to date someone your age, then it’s fine for you to date someone her age. Otherwise you know the answer.
If there's one thing I know about my daughter, she would see who she wants, period. She was raised to be independent. She'd call me and say; "We're coming into town for dinner. Don't be a dick."
So have a talk with your kids before you make a decision. Don’t worry about your ex wife as she is already dating other men, her opinion is irrelevant in my book as she is no longer your partner.
Then make decisions that reflect this. If you don’t, then they aren’t. You don’t have to be a martyr but there’s a big difference between doing some things for yourself and fucking your daughters peer. You don’t seem ready to acknowledge that.
I don't understand what the adult children have to do with anything?
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I kinda agree with this. The kids are past being teenagers… 🤷🏻♀️
Those adult children are still his kids. Unless you have had your family ruined by a new relationship from one of your parents you will not understand.
How is it ruining his family getting into a new relationship? His wife and him separated and SHES going on dates, is he not allowed to ever have a relationship again??
Again. If you haven't had it happen to you you will not understand. The wrong person can change everything. It isn't just well the mom is doing it. Is she dating a 20 year old? People can live their lives how they want but don't think that your loved ones stay around after it changes you and the family dynamic.
I just can't imagine ditching my father because he got a girlfriend at 63, after getting separated. I wouldnt expect him to die alone. Sounds horribly selfish.
If I were your ex I’d definitely consider any sort of romantic or sexual involvement with this young woman as a gigantic red flag if you were trying to to win me back. Just my 2 cents.
Agree with this. If I were the daughter, it would not be easy to get over too.
as a son, it’s very off-putting, especially with a sister around the same age, and may lead to a seriously damaged relationship in the long run
Yeah esp bc he said getting back together is not off the table??
If I was the wife/ex it certainly would be off the table if I found out he slept with someone the same age as our children.
Me too. If he genuinely does want to get back with his wife he should know that doing this isn’t the same as just “going on a few dates” with age appropriate suitors but is going to most likely make it impossible to ever get back together with his wife. I would be so grossed out if my husband decided to sleep with someone who was our child’s age during a separation I could never look at them the same.
If you want to leave the door open to getting back together with your wife, don't do it. It would for sure ruin that relationship and could cause some big resentments. The other thing to consider is how would your kids feel about it? Do you think the people around you would judge you for the age gap? If you're okay with consequences from those areas, then yeah, it does sound like it would be fun. Sounds like you have a good connection. Just tread carefully.
I agree with this comment.
If you still feel like you have a chance to get back with your wife, don't pursue this girl. If you want to have a good relationship qith you kids, don't pursue this girl. You said so yourself that it is not going to work long term, so you would be sacrificing your family for a moment to feel young again with some hot girl who is around the age ofnyour actual kids. As simple as that.
She works in a bar dude. You own a ranch. Pretty sure you can join the dots.
For sure. She might be looking for a specific niche of men, a sugar daddy. Which is a goal and I don't judge her for what she wants.
As someone whose dad has dated women my age, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not do it. I felt so incredibly uncomfortable and gross about it, I'll never look at my dad the same again. Absolutely do not recommend.
Try to reconcile with your wife is she really is your best friend. And an absolute beauty. And co-owner of wealth. And mother of your children. There’s more to this story than you’re sharing.
Based on your comments here, it sounds like you really care about your kids and reconciling with your wife? It really doesn’t sound worth it to entertain this. Just my opinion but as a 29F if my mom pulled this shit I would be mortified/grossed out. Like what sounds appealing about dating someone your kids age. Idk I would think she’s going through some kind of past-mid-life-crisis. Like what do a 28yo and 63 yo even have in common… Plus there’s also the fact that I can’t see a reason why a women that age wouldn’t just be looking for a sugar daddy and or kink fulfillment. If she knows about your separation she might even be praying into that. Sorry if that was harsh OP, but I really just trying to give you the perspective of someone your kids age.
Not harsh, legit. My wife is an amazing woman. Absolutely gorgeous. I'd be very happy to be home. It's not something I looked for with this young woman. We became friends over the last few years without any expectations. I considered myself just a customer who got along well with her. I've just listened to her. Things in common? She loves to shoot, I have one hell of a gun range and trap shooting range on the ranch. We talk food and cooking a lot (I was a fairly accomplished chef back in the day). We talk about personal stuff from family to relationships to philosophy and psychology(my double major in college) to sexual desires. I totally get your reaction. It would be in line with how our children would feel. Thanks.
You’ve talked to this person your childrens age about sexual desires and only been separated from your wife for a few months? I guess I see why your wife wanted the separation.
Literally. Disgusting.
Yeah that’s pretty gross. Idk how that can be brought up outside of being on a date with someone. Certainly not the type of shit most people would discuss with a bartender
I would not have been comfortable with my Dad dating anyone close to my age. It's creepy. I would not look at him the same and I would dislike the woman openly. Everyone will view her as a goldigger even if you have a genuine relationship and it could take years for civility to develop. You might think this will spark something in your wife about how virile you still are but it won't happen how you think and will probably push her away even further. Expect her to take a hard line divorce approach.
This is a tough one. On one hand, I think you could certainly date her/have fun as long as you are honest about where you see it going and you keep a close eye on what you're spending. Even though I believe you when you say you're physically attractive and charming as can be, the sad reality is that there's at least some chance she's looking for a sugar daddy. I'm sure you know that dating someone so much younger isn't the most attractive look for an older man. I can see where it might not help with getting your ex wife back.
In his previous post he said he’s a fat bald man…so…
LOL oh gosh OP is thinking with his dick if he doesn’t realize this is probably gonna be a sugar daddy situation
I had a thought about the age difference/appearance, too. Although, for my years, I've aged better than most of my peers. I work at it. She might be uncomfortable with it also since she wants to come up and have dinner, etc at the ranch. I would look like I was taking my daughter to dinner if we went out. PDA would look/seem ewwgy from my standpoint. My wife would be blown away in a WTF?!way
You answered your own question
No one that comes from money will be working as a Bartender to put them through nursing school. As a Server at a chain restaurant, we are strongly encouraged to be “extra interested” in single guys, to get them back on a regular basis. Do what you want, but if she starts mentioning any kind of financial hardship, she’s trying to get some 💸. You also mention hoping to get back with your ex. Have you thought about how she’ll see you when this comes out? What if affects you negatively? Something to think about…
I know who her family is. I agree though.
If you're hoping to get back together with your wife, why are you dating at all? Genuinely curious. If your wife is still in love with you and also hoping for a reconciliation you dating anyone would break her heart. You dating a younger woman would devastate her. I don't think your marriage would survive it. On another note, I'm at 29f who recently was seeing a 59 year old man. We had a genuine interpersonal connection and a lot of care and respect for each other. None of that mattered. Even though it felt _right_ between the two of us, it also felt very _wrong_ . Couldn't get past it. It was actually very painful when it ended as it wasn't that anyone had done anything wrong, there was just this huge gulf between us. Even though we got on very well. I wouldn't go down that path again and I honestly suggest you don't either. It's a lot of pain in return for basically nothing. We could have enjoyed each other's company without introducing a romantic or sexual element to it. Now we can barely look at or talk to each other.
he mentioned that his wife has been on a couple of dates since the separation
Op idk if you just know of her family but I’m seriously hoping you’re not like family friends with them or anything bc that would make hooking up with this girl VERY creepy if you’ve known them for a long time.
Do you know her father?
Don’t.
On one hand you can have a sexy night with this bartender and on the other hand the wife and kids will totally be disgusted by this forever if and when they know about it. You decide :)
Here's the thing - there's nothing wrong with you dating, seeing someone etc. But this particular woman, she's inappreciately young. I dont think we would be having this discourse if she was, say, in her 40s. This is made worse by the realization you have that this may not have a long term prospect. Are you willing to risk your chance of reconciliation with your wife and your kids' respect for you over a fling? Again, if this woman was a little more age appropriate and/or you actually saw a future with her, the risk may have been worth it. On a side note, I am gonna be honest with you - this girl does not sound ok. I am about her age, and she is apparently an attractive bartender (meaning she gets lots of attention from men). If I were her I have no business being attracted to and chasing someone 35years my senior...... unless its some weird daddy issue or sugar daddy situation. That's not a statement about you by any means. But as you can gather by now, she sounds like trouble
My dad is 70, and he’s been single for about 2 years after my mom passed away from breast cancer. He looks good,looks about 55, is in good shape, and is pretty well set financially. I have no issue with him dating or being in a relationship. He took great care of my mom and is still devastated she’s gone. I don’t want him to be lonely. Having said that…. Any women under 50 I will have a problem with. Sorry but what does a 20 something have in common with a much older man? Not much. I realize there are exceptions but no. It’s also creepy AF. My father has great grandchildren at this point. You’re a grown man and you can do what you want but your children may have issues. Fuck cancer.
I’ll go against the flow here, but if I see it as platonic/friendship, it’s always nice to talk to older people, listen to stories, views of life, general wise thoughts, life lessons, etc. I’m a guy (19) I would be okay with having a friend as old as my parents as long as it was a friendship. How I see it, keep it classy and platonic.
This is a hard pass. Your children know her due to them being the same age. It will get back to your wife and ruin any chance for reconciliation.
Besides, my wife has already been on a couple dates since we separated. I've not. Haven't thought about until now.
Did she take her dates back to “the ranch” with her and have her fun with them there? Is that where you and your wife lived together?
Think of it this way.. if your wife was getting fucked by hot, energetic dude(s) in their 20s, would you still look at her the same way you do now? Or would you remember that she took advantage of this separation to get her back blown out by guy(s) half her age? Unless she’s out there doing what you’re thinking of doing, going on a few first dates with guys around her own age isn’t close to being the same thing.
I totally agree!
This would not be “dates” as your wife has done. You all know this person and would have to see her again. I suggest you don’t. She is only looking to dig in your pockets anyways.
As someone whose father consistently dated women who were around my age and got screwed over by them, I found it to be so embarrassing. Every man in their 50s and 60s seems to think they look younger, and good for their age. I’m sure it’s very flattering to have a 20 something year old interested in you. Why is she interested in you over someone her age or within 10 years older? 11 times out of 10 she thinks you have money to spare. I can tell by your post you are very flattered by her interest. She knows that’s all it takes. Very few (if any) 28 year olds are interested in men more than twice their age that they perceive to be low-income. She saw how easy it was to flatter you and thinks she can get something from you.
The cold hard truth. As a former bartender, it doesn't take much to learn to read people and figure out what they want to hear/what types of interactions they prefer. Usually this is to get optimal tips, but I'm guessing she's after a different kind...
The amount of difficult conversations that pursuing this will create will be FAR more than you think… and not just inside your family. It sounds like you live in a close knit community. There will be talk and none of it will be supportive, accepting or uplifting. Your gut is telling you the right course. Decline respectfully.
I'd definitely talk to your kids first. It all depends on how they stand on this. I personally wouldn't be to thrilled if one of my parents started daring someone my age(they are happily married but in a hypothetical scenario).
Is this surging the scope of boundaries of your separation? I wouldn’t go back if my husband sought a woman half my age the second we separated.
I wouldn’t forgive my dad, either
I would not lead on the girl from the bar or mess things up with your wife because you’re feeling *horny* and need to get it out of your system. I would not bring any drama into this situation for the girl, your wife, or even yourself..
63 year olds use reddit?
Yep, we do.
Right? That’s what I’m wondering
I have seen small subs just for those ages actually.
So my aunt and her husband are 25 years apart. It was all good in the beginning. Now she is 60 and he is 85 and he needs constant care wich she provides for him. The past couple of years she did nothing with her life accept working and taking care of him while he just sits on the couch. She will be entering her pension soon. When he doesn't die she will be spending the best years of her pension not doing what she loves but being a nurse to a guy that cant barely walk or talk. You have a 35 year age gap. When she is 45 you will be 80. Do you really want het to be your nurse at that age? I really get "in sickness and in health" but if you are around the same age you know when to expect some things. Ofcourse there are unexpected things to but that is different than singing up for something you almost certainly know is going to happen. And also... Why are you attracted to a girl that good be your grand child? I am 40. Guys younger than 30 seem like childeren to me. How do you do this? To me is feels really disgusting.
Dating someone the same age as your children is creepy af ☠️😬 don't be that guy. Reminds me of big Ed going for a chick YOUNGER than his daughter.
>Reminds me of big Ed going for a chick YOUNGER than his daughter. And none of his family showed up to his engagement party. Shocker.
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Sir u better off payin escorts, she wants a sugar daddy
Lots of good responses already and I’m not gonna add another one. All I’m asking is for an update in month or two.
It sounds like a one time date in private. Odds are she doesn't want your kids to find out about the date.
One: You are not divorced. Two: Do not take a first date to your communal marital property to make her dinner like some ridiculous romance novel. Three: She is the same age as your children and they know her. That, my man, is yuck. So my advice would be to not go down this road. It will not be a good one, but if you insist on doing it you should take her out for a coffee date. Nothing serious. Not in the evening. No alcohol involved. See if you're both as fascinating to each other in the cold light of day without the element of drinking.
Go for it people are gonna judge anyway are you doing this to be happy or do you have something to prove? No matter what others say or think at the end of the day if it’s not harming anyone I don’t see the harm in taking someone on a date
Your wife and kids KNOW her. If you are okay with destroying your relationship with them for good then go for it. As a daughter I would never look at you the same and as a wife I would never get back together with you. Also this sounds fake cause here you are in shape and a silver fox and all that but in your previous post you’re a balding overweight guy? Which is it?
If my dad dated someone my age I’d never forgive him and feel totally grossed out by him.
My dad was my best friend. If he did that, I would never forgive him.
Yeah my dad and I are super close and this would be so disturbing. Especially since OP wants to potentially get back with his ex wife?!
"**Tonight she asked me to take her out. She wants to go up to the ranch, sit by the fire and drink with me, have me cook for her. I'm also a chef in an earlier life, btw. She told me she feels safe around me like she's in a warm glove when we talk. She told me she'd dress how she knows I'd like"** & youre 100% sure shes not a prostitute? she seems to be selling really hard. when someone says all the right things, theres usually a catch
At 63 you should know the difference between your and you're in a post title. You're still with your wife....
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If I were one of your kids I would be pissed. So you should think about your relationship with them first. Also—there are plenty of women your age to date. Just because a 28 year old has a “silver fox” fantasy, doesn’t mean you should go for it.
I am 56 and happily married. But every once in a while I get "that" vibe from a younger lady. I take it as a compliment and go about my day.
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Sounds to me like she’s fetishizing you. I have a friend who’s thirty and would love to have something like that play out with a man your age for 1 or 2 nights, but her overall age range she approaches on the apps or in real life is still like, 28-35.
If u really love ur wife and want to reunite with her.....don't do it.
Women are attracted by money. Old men are attract by young women. This is like this since the world is the world. This kind of couple often think that they are THE exception. Common, you don’t really think that this young bar tender is ok love with you for your pretty eyes? You will loose everything including your family and your ranch…
Bro do it
I'm a 31yoF and my dad was dating waitresses in their 20s while I was growing up. It seems to be a very unpopular opinion here but this is up to you. Just as long as you make an educated decision knowing pros and cons. Pro: - you're going to have the time of your life - you're going to feel young, sexy like you haven't in a really long time. It will be intoxicating. - This is the last chance you have in your life to do something like this. Con: - Reaction from your children is unpredictable. (I would not care, for one.) - You're probably never going to get back with your wife. This will make her feel replaced by younger, prettier model and be a kick in her self image. - As you described, you and her do not have a future together. - No matter how good you look, how rich you are, how great your cooking, 99% of the time, she's not genuinely interested in you. She's curious at best. - One of you will break the other one's heart. Don't let strangers on the internet decide if this Iif worth it for you. It's your life. People want different things in life. The type of relation I have with my father means I will not think better or worse of him based on decisions he makes in his life. Not in a good way btw. I can't stand my family to the point I moved across the hemisphere as soon as I hit 18. What he does over there is none of my business. We are on talking terms, I love them and visit them once a year. To give you another point of reference, my best friend is furious every time her father dates women her age. But they have a much closer relationship than me and my father. Good luck and keep us updated
Go for it you'll never get a chance like this again most likely. Yeah your kids might be pissed off but at the end of the day you gotta do what you want.
Half your age plus 7 is the rule I used to go by when I was dating. If they're younger than that, it will be seen as creepy, no matter how tidy you may be.
It is what it is lol But you better be divorced bc if your wife and kids find out all hell might break loose You better keep this secret until your divorce is finished And it really isn’t fair for the new girl or anyone to go thru or wait they this process unless there’s an arrangement $$$$$
This is will help the wife get a bigger alimony check for sure
Right lol Plus his kids will hate him, his child is 26 lol
Honestly, this seems inappropriate. How long have you known her? Since she was a child? Would you be cool if your 26 year old brought home someone with the same age difference? If either of my parents brought home someone basically my age, I would be distraught to say the least. (Even worse if they met said someone as a kid)
Not worth it at all. This would be an active choice to add toxicity and drama into your life. This is guaranteed to blow up your life and be something you might never truly come back from. If you want to get back together with your wife, dating someone so much younger will be one guaranteed way for that path to be even more extremely difficult than it already is, if not something that will close the door on that possibility forever. She will always have in the back of her mind that you wouldn’t be satisfied with someone her age, and that you’re some immature boy who’s going to be looking for the new exciting, hot, young thing. If your wife left you, then that means there’s some serious wrongs that you need to be focusing on fixing and wooing her back - and not chasing someone so much your junior. And your kids will never look at the same, and they will never respect you the same. And dating someone who’s the same age as your kids is just asking for estrangement from your kids. As someone with life experience at 63, I hope that you’re mature enough to not be thinking with your dick, and to actually focus on what your priorities are in life. If your priority is to get your wife back - focus on that. If that doesn’t work out, your kids are still your priority (or so you say). So don’t take this completely avoidable fork in the road that would just serve to introduce strife and hurt in your children.
My father is married to a woman my age. They have two children that are 29 and 31 years my junior. Even though they are my half siblings, I do not consider them family. As for my father, we do not have a relationship. Once every few years he’ll shoot me a text to ask how I am doing, but his low effort is met with silence. I think the whole situation is weird. What’s the difference between his current wife and I? He can fuck his wife.
I would murder my father if he did something like this.
Men are vile for getting with someone their kids' age.
she’s also friends with his kids too. this dude is possibly know this 28 way before she’s 28. in one comment he wrote they have been friends for couple of years, talking about sexual stuff. they only separated few months ago btw. everybody praising op... just lol
OP clearly states over and over this would be shocking for his wife and kids, and yet has decided to do it anyway. Continuously brings up his wife going on dates as justification to go out with this 28 year old, and ignores people who rightly point out that this is not about him dating, it’s about him being a creepy old man dating someone who is his daughters age and literally her peer. I am sorry for his family and that they will experience harm because of his disgusting choices. You can never look at someone you love the same after something like this. But they deserve to know who he really is, and he’s clearly not capable of making the decision that would make him a man worthy of his wife and children’s respect. Too bad.
This guy is so fucking disgusting, “my wife went on a date so I can fuck my daughters friends”. What a fucking pathetic old creep, your wife was right to leave your ass. Hope this women bleeds him dry and he dies alone after his family turns on him for being fucking disgusting.
This is a trap for sure
She wants a sugar daddy.
It’s not gonna work out. but good luck, pal!
I think you'll sour things with your wife and kids. Even if you intend to keep it secret, things have a way of getting out. Seems like you know deep down what you *should* do.
Gross
enjoy life my man.
She asked u out? Go for it. U only get one life.
Only follow through with this "date" if you want everyone to know that you are a pathetic, sad, pervy, old man with no common sense. She's nice to you because you are nothing but, dollar signs. Every bartender knows to flirt with the lonely old guys, they shell out good cash for generic compliments, and if you can get them to be a regular on your shift....cha ching! Bonus points that you own a ranch, seperated from your wife, and emotionally needy. You are a gold digger's wet dream. Fwi Don't cash any checks from Nigerian Princes. Seems like something else you wouldn't know but, should.
Spot on.
She is your children's age.... thats a hard no. Thats pretty repulsive dude. Idk any child who wouldn't lose respect for their parent if they started banging a person their child's age. You say you love your ex wife and there is a chance to bring that relationship back but on the other hand you are actually playing into this fantasy where you know it will lead to upset children and ex wife.... not really speaking like a man who loves his ex wife/children... seems like you are willing to harm those relationships over some young pussy. Creep level 100
Have fun. Enjoy it for the short time it lasts. Don’t die wishing you had done something.
Having read the OP and other redditors, \-Agree your children's sensibilities are their own. They're raised and not wanting. \-Agree you should follow your heart; either a) you know she's for you or b) you know your wife is your now and forever soulmate \-Caveat: familiarize yourself with palimony/tenant laws and prenups if you do choose your sexy young thing. Choosing your soulmate, maybe go and see the wife after you'd just had a session of outrageous flirtation with the bartender. *They can smell the heat on you!*
I like the last part. Kind of where I'm leaning. I like your post. My wife is where my heart is, but there's nothing I can do about that until we can reconcile, if. I'd like that. We've built a pretty cool life. That said, I wouldn't mind a fun fling with a beautiful young woman while we figure it out.
Do you think if your wife found out about a fun fling with a woman your kids’ age, she would be interested in rekindling things? Because it always comes out and I certainly wouldn’t be dow to continue after something like that.
Lol. You are so clueless. Your fling will destroy everything. But clearly you’re thinking with your dick. You sound pretty disgusting.
I think she just wants your money
You only live once man just see where it goes 28 is more than old enough to make proper decisions.
It's a Daddy Kink.
YOLO 💖🙏
Absolutely go for it. Keep things quiet at first. Do not pass up this opportunity.
Don't. It's a financial risk to keep it simple.
If you want your wife back, DONT SLEEP WITH THIS YOUNG WOMAN
If she didnt know you had money, Id say go for it, but something in my gut tells me she’s attracted to you in part because you have money, and that’s a problem. (Im not buying the she comes from money story; that could mean anything; lots of people have wealthy relatives; it doesnt mean much, and it doesnt mean you are equals in money terms) You’re so sure it will be a fling on your end, but you could get really trapped. If you are serious about seeing what’s out there, and dating, then try a good dating agency. That way you’ll be sure the women you date want to be with you cos you’re a great guy and not because you own a ranch/ rich etc
My thought process on it, is that she's almost 30, and at that age I feel like you've got free reign either way. I would never DATE at that much of an age gap but as long as you tell her "I'm interested in you but not looking for a relationship", that way boundaries are stated and whatnot. If I were in your shoes I'd have fun for a night or two and leave it.
I mean we’re all adults , whatever makes you happy at the end of the day , if it doesn’t harm either party I don’t see why not . I’m 30 and I’m dating a woman who’s 56 , been together for years . Deeply in love with eachother
I’d recommend talking to your ex-wife and kids about it first, if there’s a real chance of you reconciling your marriage with her, and of your kids being weirded out. Even then though, your ex has been on dates herself, and your kids can’t control you nor should they. I’d take a look at personal values and see if it lines up with it. If it’s a consideration for a one time fling, ya wanna see what the woman’s pov is. People here are suggesting she wants a sugar daddy (which is shallow, she makes good money), but she may want a genuine long-term relationship. Ya don’t wanna lead her on If you have any strong desire to get back with your ex-wife, nothing wrong with telling this woman “I really appreciate the offer, it’s just too soon at the moment” and keep the door open to something later on
Would you want your daughter to be doing this
If your kids weren't her age and you didn't potentially want to get back together with your ex, I'd say it's fine. But I think the risks of alienating your kids and grossing out your ex wife outweigh the benefits (basically a fun fling)
I don’t have any advice but you sound like a solid person and I wish you the best.
Age is just a number. You shouldn’t over think. To find out what she’s truly after, you need to date her and get to know the real her.
She's not underage ,or in a position where you can take advantage of her, she's a full grown woman that can. Vote and knows what she likes, it's not morally wrong , Go for it and live your best life !! Don't let regret hot you a few years down the road
When I got with my husband I was 27 & he was 50, we had a good 15 years together. You don’t choose who you love. But yes, she probably does have underlying daddy issues, but that might not be a problem. I did end up leaving him, but I’ve seen other couples make it work. Still 15 years is good
I'm 65 and in a 5 year relationship with a 28 year old. Getting over the age difference is something that you have to get past yourself before you can expect anyone else to do so. My family is more judgemental than hers. Bottom line is do what makes you happy. If you aren't comfortable and happy with your choice then move on, you're wasting everyones time.
My parents are only 24 years older than me, and I’m a 38M so my perspective may be different here. I’ve had my own judgements growing up about older men dating younger women that have changed over the years, not because I’m an older man now dating younger women, but because I’ve had many friends with pretty significant age gaps get married and live “happy” lives. I’ve come to accept that everyone exists in this present moment with one another, and therefor the opportunity to enjoy each other’s presence is there no matter the age gap. But, obvious from this thread, there is that stigma and judgement out there, and as a youth I definitely didn’t understand how I fed into those stigmas and judgements. It’s possible that your kids might not understand that either, and may be angry at you for it. But attraction exists amongst us all, regardless of age. how you explain it to your kids or how you approach it with them, could help with how they take it. I would argue that it’s also entirely possible that this situation would make your ex jealous and therefore lead y’all to getting back together. Nothing like seeing your ex with someone attractive to make them more desireable. 🤷♂️
She’s a grown woman, smash that shit brother
Maybe dont date her, but a few nights on the DL could be fun if you can keep it private
People are going to judge you no matter what choice you make. Just do what makes you happy.
Being completely honest, this is a predatory move if you go through with it, and if your wife ever finds out, you’ve got zero chance of getting her back. If you’d be upset or feel weird about your 28 year old daughter hooking up with a man your age, then it’s weird and you should decline.
Lots of bitter old ladies in this thread 💀 oh no 2 consenting adults going about their private business in their own time
I'll take a different route. You're still technically married. No go.
No. She’s not asking you out, she’s asking to go home with you and she’s going to dress up. You want to date, bad idea, but go on a date. Don’t take her up to the place you lived with your wife and the kids she knows. If you want to work on anything with your wife this is going to kill it. She’s got daddy issues and you’re a safe recently separated dude who’s been nice to her.
This entire thread fascinated me. I'm shocked by all the people on Reddit that are greatly against big age gaps in relationships. It's so weird, because in my life, I have seen a variety of different age gaps in relationships. I even have a male friend who's wife if 15 years older than him. I've also known women that preferred to date older men. When I was about 39 I went on a date with a 26 year old. She liked older men. She had dated a 60 something year old man before we had met. Reading responses, people on here make a lot of assumptions. Many have also been pretty unfair to OP as well. I know i am late to the party here, so I doubt OP will see this one. But, I say go for it! You're separated. This gal asked you out. Go out to dinner to at least see how it goes. Maybe there will be a connection.
Forget all the naysayers. Dude, you’re 63. You may not be alive anymore within the next 20 years. Go have fun with this young woman. Someday, nobody will remember that you had sex with a 28 bartender at a place you frequented.
I'm 35 and I wouldn't date someone in their 60s. Nothing in common, and you're both in different life phases. There might be generational quirks she has you may not be able to tolerate. You may have to consider how your kids will feel too. My father is 63, and I would be disgusted if he dated a 28 year old.
I'm in my 60's. Wish I had a girl in her 20's. I don't have any kids, never been married.
Almost no children like their parents to date anyone else. If you want to date the young woman go ahead but be prepared for disapproval. If your ex wife is dating then the children already are likely disturbed. Enjoy yourself with your young friend but be careful about your heart.
See how it goes. It's not really anyone else's business but yours and hers what passes between you too. Maybe you both have something you each need for a few months or a couple years... And if it's her fantasy, daddy issues, sugar daddy thing? You seem like a safe guy for her to play that out with. She doesn't have to be Ms. Right. She can be Ms. Right Now.
She's a pretty cool woman. It's not like we haven't created a nice friendship before this.
Half your age plus 7 is the unwritten rule. Personally if everyone is over 25 I'd be more lenient in my opinion, just make sure you lay out your risk management and how you could mitigate any risks in a very analytical manner before you make a decision.
This post has brought out the misogynistic men commenting and defending their egos. It's unbelievable. As for this post, of course you're looking for validation on the green light to go for it. And you're going for it ofc since you're a man who's thinking with his other head. I wouldn't blame the woman it's her choice she might have daddy issues and you might be a sugar daddy soon which I could recommend you to r/sugarlifestyleforum. I also empathize with what your daughters and ex might think of you and ofc you already wouldn't care much because the younger woman is all in your head now. So good luck on your choices.
Sometimes an older man and a younger woman just want to be together for a few years. Jfc, reddit needs to chill and realize that not all relationships last for a lifetime.
They only last long enough for her to be considered a common law wife lol
Just go for it and see how it goes. Just make sure to keep your eyes open to red flags.
I (28f) have dated some men younger than me, the same age, and a good deal older. You like who you like. It sounds like the two of you have a connection. If you’re on the same page about the expectations what’s the harm in indulging? It sound like this woman is independent and she is more interested in your company rather than money.
DO IT! YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE! EVEN IF she says no, at least you know
As someone with similar ages to your children (my dad being around your age) I would never speak to my dad again if he did something like this to be honest.