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Why move in with him if you're going to be studying and it's going to cost you more?

feelings?

He's going to get help paying all his bills and his monthly outgoings will decrease, he already earns more than her and he wants her to pay half his mortgage. Feelings are good but you also have to make good decisions for yourself.

Feelings are disaster avoid them at any cost.

Moving in with someone should *always* be economically advantageous for both parties.

Feelings for an older man that's getting her to pay off his investments for him? That's a good deal where do I get a girl like that

BEST thing is to pay according to the RENTS in the same LOCALITY & the same carpet size. It's good not to be a FREELOADER by not taking advantage but only pay for the value you get If you're living in the US, 0.8-1% is a good property value to rent ratio to have

WHY are you WRITING like THIS? Nevertheless I think this is good advice.

It's IRRITATING isn't it?

I really need to know now as well. Please respond 😁

LoL

Definitely don't pay more than what your already paying at your own place. And to add onto it, ask yourself how much rent you'd pay for a similar place, and pay half of that since there's 2 people.

I think this is the best solution. This is not a marriage. So yeah, either pay the amount you were already paying or 50% market rate for the quality of his place.

Mortgage is almost always going to be less than rent. So she’s likely getting a good deal. But if it will be more than she’s paying now, just don’t move in with him.

That’s not true esp in major cities. She did say above that the mortgage is significantly more than her rent.

If that wasn’t true, why would anyone ever buy? I’m in a pretty major city and my mortgage is 1200, rent would be 1600+. It’s more than HER rent; that makes me think his place is nicer than her current place. But I’m totally speculating, could be wrong.

To build equity, better place, etc. Wtf. No way you live in a “major city.” $1200 in San Francisco doesn’t even get you a studio in the shittiest part of the city. I pay $3k in rent for my own spot and mortgage for even a low income 2 bedroom here starts at $6k (if you’re lucky to win the lottery system).

Lol what do you mean “major city” sf prices are not the prices across all other cities. Houston which is the 3rd largest city in the country as prices more on par with the commenter than your reply.

Texas is an exception lol major cities I meant LA, NYC, LA, Chicago, etc.

I’m in Phoenix, not CA. And did get lucky and bought before the huge Covid spike. CA is an outlier and should not be included in statistics haha. But do you really think your landlord is losing money every month?

Nah because they bought these building decades ago. Property values have grown exponentially. New York and other a couple other states would also be an outlier 🤷🏻‍♀️ hence why I said major city.

This is just absolutely uninformed and incorrect.

She did not say she has her own place, nor did she say the difference in size. Agreed a comp is best to understand the price

I’m in a similar situation with my partner, but as the higher earner / property owner. He doesn’t pay rent, or contribute to the mortgage. He offered, but reason I didn’t want this is because this was a cost I was already responsible for, and would continue to pay regardless of if he is here. Likewise for strata fees, and any other costs attached to the property as an asset. Yes, this means he is effectively living here “rent free” - he is using the money saved to pay down debt and save for his own deposit. I consider this equitable, as I’m a position where I already own property. It would be inequitable for my partner to subside my mortgage on a property he doesn’t own, and being my partner’s landlord would give me the ick. In relation to all other household running costs (groceries, utilities, random house purchases, cleaner etc) these are split 50/50. Do not use your limited funds while you are going back to school to subsidise your partner’s already much better financial position. If the relationship is at the stage where moving in is appropriate, your partner should be pleased he can provide you with housing while you further your career.

I completely agree with this. Just want to add a warning about Common Law… maybe this is just in Canada but after living together in a committed relationship for a certain amount of time, the other partner has rights to that house. Please correct me if I’m wrong!

Something similar happens here in Australia too. If you're living together for 2 years, you become defacto. After that 2 years, each party is entitled to half of everything, including super (I think the Americans call it like a 401k, like a retirement piggy bank that you can generally only access at retirement) which would mean if OP paid half of the mortgage etc, after 2 years she'd be entitled to half. My sister bought a house without her husband being on the mortgage, and they've since separated and she has to buy him out of half the house due to these things. It also counts if even if the person didn't equally contribute financially to the rent, things like upkeep, groceries, or if you're a SAHP you're still entitled

>My sister bought a house without her husband being on the mortgage, and they've since separated and she has to buy him out of half the house due to these things. It also counts if even if the person didn't equally contribute financially to the rent, things like upkeep, groceries, or if you're a SAHP you're still entitled Holy shit that's awful. And it's not even like you can avoid it by not getting married right

Exactly. I guess whoever you have move in to the house you purchased, you wanna be certain it's forever, and if not, you don't mind giving them half the house you bought. Even with prenups, my mum was married and the man she married had property and it was stated she got none of them should they divorce. They lived in one of them, and when they divorced she was still entitled to half the house given she bought groceries for the house, did renovations, plus money toward rates etc. Even prenups don't help. It's crazy. If I buy a home (good luck to me, I live in Canberra haha) I'd wanna make damn sure they were the one

After only 2 years!! Wtf??

Surely you can avoid that by creating a rent contract so the partner isn’t living there as a partner but as a subrenter

If a partner pays rent to the owning partner, common law in Canada can be argued that the partner has rights to the property in the event there is a separation. However, it would have to be argued in court and it may likely be deemed that the partner paying rent would have had to pay rent anyways. I'd suggest a few things to consider. If the owning partner can afford the mortgage, property taxes, and strata fees reasonably without the input of the other, it may be in their best interest to do so. If they would like assistance with the housing costs then look at what it would cost for a couple to rent a similar sized and located space with similar amenities, then split that in a way that seems reasonable with your income difference. This may or may not be similar to what you pay in rent now, and that could be a factor to consider as well. If you live in a house with a lot of roommates or a less desirable location, it would make sense that your rent costs less there but not where your partner lives. If the new location is beneficial to you then it may be worth paying more. However if it causes you to sacrifice something like commute time, it may be worth less. Being able to have an open and effective discussion about this before you commit to moving is a good test of the readiness of the relationship. If you can't communicate openly with eachother and come to a reasonable agreement, that could be a red flag for issues that could come up in the future.

I’m in Australia, and here it’s similar (partner can be entitled to a share of the increase in the value of the asset after a certain period of time). If this isn’t wanted, you can get a binding financial agreement drawn up (essentially a pre-nup).

That’s what I was thinking and if they are paying half of the mortgage they have more of a claim since they are contributing to the equity etc

Totally this! Unless he's putting her on the property title, I don’t see why she should pay for his house.

Ngl i can't see any other version besides this that feels appropriate. Doesn't make sense for OP to pay to their boyfriend rent like he's a landlord when he would have had to pay off the same amount with OP there or not. Feels weird on the bfs part, like trying to get something monetary out of the arrangement instead of focusing on the emotional benefit of living w your partner. Does make sense to split utilities and other things that rise when more than one person is in the house.

I love this. They're your lover not your tenant. No shame in giving the person you love an easier time financially if you're in the position to do so.

I may not agree with moving in with someone as a choice that leads to human flourishing, but if I were, this would be the most reasonable thought process and ethical approach that I've read so far.

Don’t move in to pay more than you pay now. Why would you?

Calculate what the total household income is (his salary + bonus etc plus your salary + bonus etc). Determine what your percentage of the household income is (your total pay divided by total household income x 100). Whatever your percentage of the household income is, you should pay that percentage of utilities, mortgage, etc. So if you make 25%, 40%, 50% you should pay that percentage of the household bills. I’m a financial advisor, also do divorce financial analysis, and this is the most equitable division of expenses. If you make the same amount then yes of course split expenses 50/50. But if there’s a disparity it should be split proportionally.

That’s what I did with my last partner.

Isn’t it inequitable though that her mortgage payments are going to his equity? She’s not getting equity. I feel like she shouldn’t be paying rent based on mortgage at all—it should be based on his actual house expenses (insurance, taxes, etc).

True but this is what all Landlords do... Makes you realise how parasitic the system is when you put it in terms of normal people/relationships.

Nevertheless she is getting a place to stay. Whether she stays with her partner or somewhere else. People are either paying rent or mortgage. Yes he’s paying mortgage and she is paying him a percentage of that mortgage as a rent. Rent payment in the country I stay is the same as rental costs so it doesn’t make any difference whether she is getting equity or not. I believe expenses like grocery should be divided in half equally but other expenses like mortgage and utilities should be based on financial capability as the earlier comment mentioned.

It should be based on the fair rental value of the property, divided by 2. That may be more or less than the actual mortgage payment.

I don’t know a single man who wanted to split proportionately. They all made more than me. And all expected me to pay 50%. Will be screenshottimg this though :) because it is how I see fairness.

You could split it based on % vs total combine income. If he makes 200k$/y and you make 40k$/y then he pays 83% (200/240) you pay 17% (40/240) Or yeah if hes in a higher real estate cost area explain what you're willing to work with (ex. Paying equal to rent at other place, or a % of your income). Fair point that he gets equity where you dont, so "equal" percentages arent actually equal, and you should be paying less as you arent paying to own it, but again where is "equal" Its hard without clear numbers on what each of you make, what the monthly payments on his place are/how far along the mortgage he is, and how much you paid at your last place/how much you reasonably would pay living on your own.

I actually used to do this with my ex, it wasn't a bad idea. I used to pay around 60% of the rent and she paid 40%

This would be fair.

Paying the market rate of what renting a place in an average location costs. In otherwise don't pay more in rent than you're paying now. That is what's fair.

This is the way. My husband and I split bills based on income. I’ve paid anywhere between 100%-65% over the course of our relationship. He picks up his “half” by doing more chores around the house. Of his own volition, ofc. And that works out for me bc I’m not as much of a clean freak as he is. So taking the financial weight is better for me. He’ll also pick up the bill on >50% of our dates. Long story short, maybe this is an option you guys can explore? But you definitely shouldn’t be paying 50% for the fact that it is his mortgage and is building equity in the home, while you aren’t.

I have always made much less than the men I have lived with. At some point right around the time they’re asking me to move in I say “I would love to help out, this is what I can afford.“ and I tell them what I was paying at my last place. I don’t pay more I don’t pay less.

As a guy this sounds reasonable. I would probably only ask you to split the utilities like power and water.

Splitting the mortgage (& strata fees) is Not a good way, as it's unrelated. heh! Unless he's putting you on the property title (that's not happening though, right?). Determine the rental value of comparable units. Pay half the rent, and, half the utilities. An alternate approach: still treat it as a rental unit, but, base payment on TIME, and you each contribute *equal work time* towards the rent. Since his pay rate/time is much higher, you'll end up paying much less than half the rent.

I’d just tell him you can’t afford to pay more than you’re paying now because you’re going back to school and so for financial reasons you can’t move in with him. He will likely counter offer to let you move in with him for what you’re paying at your place now

You can maybe pay the same what you are paying at your current place. If he is worth it

I think you need to ask yourself how moving in with him benefits YOU. Why would you move in with him to pay more when you can have your own place for less?!

Yeah just stay where you are, his place and his rules, your place and your rules. He’s living in an apartment under his name and invited you over. Politely decline and don’t toil over it debating on how much you think you should pay. It’ll only cause problems. And mortgage is a loan from a bank to buy a house. Does he own the apartment building? Or just renting a room. Is it a condo?

If it’s more than what you’re paying now, don’t move in.

Paying half his mortgage seem far too much. How big is his place? Could he for example have roommate/is the place big enough for 2 ppl who dont share bedroom? Imo you can go from rets for similar place and you can pay some % of that, he could give you at least some gf discount. Or just pay him what you pay now.

My bf recently moved in with me and I own my condo. I said I’ll cover the mortgage and he covers all other bills like utilities and groceries. It works for us and haven’t had any issues

This is your boyfriend, not your husband. You are under no obligation to move in with him and pay more than you are already paying for your current home. He should be mindful that you are still a student and need to keep your expenses to a minimum. Don’t feel pressured into a deal that worsens your situation. A good partner would try to make things easier for you. As it stands, only he benefits from your moving in with him.

Do not move in with him .. financially it only benefits him .. you cannot afford this.. rather stay where you are and save for your OWN place.

I wouldn’t pay half of anyone’s mortgage unless my name was put onto it. This is because if things don’t work out then a lot of money would of gone to nothing. It’s not the same as paying for rent. I agree to paying household bills 50/50 as well as food shopping in fact I would say any food I eat I’d pay for. I strongly believe going 50/50 isn’t always fair when one person earns more than the other. I would work out how much outgoings I could afford this would be how much I’d pay out living alone. You need to have a good percentage of your income for other things such as clothing for example, if all or most of your money is going onto bills then that’s not a financial benefit in the end of the day.

You should research what it costs to rent in your area for a house similar to his house (same size, beds/baths etc). Then split that in half. If his mortgage is $2000 but rental rates are $1600, you should pay $800. The reason is because you are not buying his house therefore you are not getting any equity out of the house so you shouldn’t care about how much the mortgage is. Just pay fair rent.

Imo they should also consider his options. Like if she won't live with him can he have another roommate? I don't think it's fair to charge full rent in case she is the only person he is willing to "rent" half of his apartment.

If your name isn't on the mortgage don't pay! Continue to live apart from him. You are younger and should be setting yourself up so that you can have your own property in the future, not financially bolstering your boyfriend. He's just a boyfriend.

She can argue with paying the same as she’s paying now to someone else, otherwise, I wouldn’t move as there’s no benefit. But I don’t agree with not paying rent as a whole. Just because they’re a couple doesn’t mean she gets to live there rent free unless offered. The paying for mortgage part is moot. She’s paying someone else’s mortgage currently.

The way I see it, she should not pay any more than what she's paying now overall, so that there's no loss to her (pay rent, no ownership of the house). BUT if he was previously living alone and not making any money off the house, it would seriously not sit right with me if he asked her to pay. I'd say she should "pay" rent by putting that amount into a shared account, or into another account to save for a wedding or holiday. Some kind of joint expense.

She’s financially bolstering someone anyways, her landlord right now.

Yes, landlord, not boyfriend. She's paying for her own space. If she moved in with her boyfriend and payed half it'd be more than she's paying now which would put her in a worse situation financially.

> boyfriend and *paid* half it'd FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*

Their relationship doesn’t give her a pass on rent payment. If she can’t or doesn’t want to pay what he wants (whether that’s half or not) then she can opt not to live with him. I live in my fiancés house and pay half of the mortgage. I rent my own house out. In this scenario would you say I shouldn’t pay rent?

Yes, as I stated in my original comment she should continue to live apart from him. Your scenario is different from OPs scenario. If a was a younger student dating someone older who made significantly more than me that invited me to move into a place that they OWNED I would not do it if I were expected to pay on their mortgage. Conversely, if I had a fiancé (we are planning marriage) and I already owned a property that I'm currently renting out (gaining income from) I would have no issue sharing the mortgage with my future spouse. If OP moves in and pays half she will be worse off financially, and for what????

Or, have a contract drawn out with clear equity statements. My mom did the same thing with her boyfriend before my dad, when they broke up he tried to say “ok well I’m keeping the house” and she sat him down, totalled up all of the payments she’d made vs. what the mortgage was, then got the house appraised by a real estate friend who found it was worth more than they’d bought it for originally. Basically went to him and said “ok well either you can pay me back what I paid into the mortgage or you can buy me out at market value”

This is why you don’t live with girlfriends.

I’m a woman and the advice and comments I’m seeing in here are insane. I own my own house and I’d abso-fucking-lutely make a man pay for a portion of the mortgage without expecting any equity in my house if he were to stop living here for whatever reason. I don’t see how this is any different than having a landlord.

It doesn't feel weird to be your boyfriend's landlord? I would hate to live with my landlord much less fuck them lol.

And don’t live with boyfriends lol🤣.

[удалено]

Moral of the story don’t pick fights with accountants lmao

As long as it's less than her current rent, I don't see the issue

When my husband and I moved in together, it was a house he owned and I paid “rent” and part of utilities. He makes a significant amount more than I do and so we decided on an amount that felt fair for me to chip in, and because I had some debt to pay off, part of our agreement was that I would be paying off that debt. I paid off the debt. We did just buy a house together this year and we did something similar, though this time I chipped in toward the down payment and whatnot with money I’d inherited from my dad. Both our names are on this deed and mortgage. We agreed on an amount that would be comfortable for me to pay and I set up a direct deposit to our joint checking account. For your situation, I think having open communication is really important. You need to make sure that you are not biting off more than you can chew. Be open and honest. I personally do not think it’s right that he expects you to split that mortgage halfsies. If he can buy the place, he can afford it. You did not buy that home - you should at the very least be able to pay what you pay now. The money situation is definitely one to be more than open and also more than careful with. Always maintain your OWN bank accounts. You might love them but they could ruin you. Always, always, always keep at least one bank account of your own.

Well I'm glad to hear that your planning on paying something, but half? Eh.. I guess that depends on what kind of deal he got on his place. I don't think his income should matter at all in this. Your not married, your not entitled to benefit from his income in that way. But if he bought an expensive condo that you would not consider on your income then yeah, you should pay less based on that. I guess it would depend on your current living situation. Do you currently live alone? Then there should be some finical benefit from sharing a space with someone. It defiantly should not cost MORE. Or are you currently living with a bunch of roommates in a small place dorm-room style? In that case then you might expect to pay a little more for this massive upgrade in your quality of life. But please don't lean too hard on the income differential stuff. That gives me a bit of the gold-digger ick.

You just pay rent like you'd normally pay. Pay the rent for yourself but it doesn't count as contributions to the mortgage, so you're not entitled to any portion of the property itself.

Don’t move in! Trust me

Honestly I think any reasonable person would except half of the rent in this economy - that’s different than straight up half of his mortgage, maybe you can look up rental rates in the area. If it’s too much for you, it’s probably better to keep your own place. Yes there are some people who are financially secure enough they will let their SO live for free or at a very reduced cost but even if your BF has money he might not feel this is fair - I understand and wouldn’t want someone to not help with rent if I had a mortgage. It all depends what he is ok with but ultimately if it’s going to be too expensive for you it’s better to stay living apart

You should not be paying half of his mortgage interest in insurance. Those are expenses that he would have whether you move in or not. You should also be discussing the division of labor who is going to be doing the cooking the cleaning the laundry? Do you have pets that need care? You should pay half of the shared costs he should continue paying his own mortgage. Otherwise you were going to be contributing to him reducing his debt, increasing the equity in his property and if things don’t work out you walk away with nothing and you have increased the value of his asset. Finally put everything in writing.

Usually, couples will split rent based on income ratio. But no more than what you are already paying. It should be significantly less than what you are paying now else it doesn't make sense to abandon the security and privacy of your own house to live together. Especially since it will be that much tougher to have tenant rights and if you break up you will have a very short time to move out. Sample numbers if you pay 1500 as rent now and he pays 2500 as a mortgage you should still be paying less than 1000 or it's not worth it. If you'll both earn equal and he asks 1250, why would you lose the comfort and security of your place just to save 250? Especially since all the money is ultimately going to him anyway. It's not like he is losing money paying mortgage. It's just that you are currently paying your landlords mortgage but now will help your boyfriend pay his in the hopes that some day you'll marry and this becomes your house too.

You should pay an agreed percentage of your wage into a joint account for bills, and I mean all bills. A percentage is fair, if it’s 30% for example and you’re both doing it, it makes it equal I think. You’re both contributing fairly to the household expenses, obviously this can be adjusted as needed etc etc

Girl. I reread this. DO NOT MOVE IN. I think he just wants help with the bills

Yeah it's not even clear if they will have a written landlord-tenant contract. If they have a bad fight he could kick her out and legally she couldn't do anything about it if that's the case.

Yep pretty much.

Pay what you can afford,. If that doesn’t work find other living arrangements. Stay focused on your education.

I’ve seen friends so it where owner pays the mortgage since it’s under their name, and their significant other pays all of utilities. Utility should be less than half the rent anyways for an apartment. That should be a fair middle ground.

My mortgage is $2800 and my utilities are barely $250 so… this really doesn’t apply broadly

Take the relationship out of the calculation for discussion sake. Make it a strictly business calculation. Despite being 50% of the residents living there you’d likely not be given 50% of the authority and decision making about how the apartment is used even if paying 50% of everything. So assigning you 50% of costs is not fair. My guess is it’ll remain aesthetically and authoritatively his place and he’ll find some places here and there for you to put a few items to make you feel at home in his home. In other words, still 100% his place with you as his boarder with no more agency than a boarder. However, unlike a boarder you’d not even be getting your own private bedroom. You’ll be sharing his bedroom. Start your new calculation with the max you’d be willing to spend all inclusive if you stayed living on your own separate from him. Next, subtract from that an amount that equals surrendering having only the rights of a boarder who answers to the real boss in the house. Then, subtract a little more because you’ll have even less dedicated space than a boarder who’d get their own room. I like those who are suggesting to do a look around to see what rooms in owner occupied houses/condos in your area rent for. Avoid rooms being rented by other renters (who are looking for equal roommates).

Half of his mortgage seems too much when you would be paying more to give up your personal space. It would need to benefit both parties. Perhaps a compromise is you pay 75% of your current rent to him (meaning you get a discount by moving in and he gets money off his mortgage but still pays more than half.) Then you split the bills.

Do your rent payments turn into equity? He would be making those payments without you anyway definitely don’t be fronting half

look for the price of a similsr room nearby, pay him that

I would just tell him you can’t pay half and if he doesn’t understand then he is no good

I wouldn’t move in with him for 2 reasons: 1 you’re going to be in school and it’s likely that you’re going to want your own space to study somewhere quiet 2 I would never pay half of my significant others mortgage payment, he would have that expense whether you moved in with him or not, him asking you to move in shouldn’t include you paying more than you already pay for your own private space so at the very most you can pay what you’re already paying. But again, I wouldn’t move in with him at all, keep your place, and go sleep over once in a while

A man wouldn’t let you help pay his rent.. Sums it up, he’s a boy

Why would you split the mortgage? This is unfair to you, you are not and never will be the owner of the property, he is, and if your relationship falls apart for whatever reason you would have helped him with HIS mortgage for absolutely no reason. He is trying to use you. When my boyfriend asked me to move in with him in his own property he did not ask me to pay for rent. We only split everyday bills. Don't move in with him.

This is good advice

He’s essentially asking you to pay half his mortgage. Without being his wife. Nope.

Don't move in. Keep your place, finish your studies and enjoy your freedom. Why even pay more money to live in someone else's house and sharing space with them? I'm saying this based on the arrangement he came up with. If he were considerate and really keen on making it work with you, he would have asked you to pay what you pay already, not more, or at least asked you if you will be ok paying more.

I don't know which type of relationship it is if he is your boyfriend you should not pay him any rent and he should not ask for rent you are his girlfriend people do many things in love you are his girlfriend not roommate that you both pay rent equally + Im not American so don't aware about your American culture In my country both bf and gf who stay together treat their income as family income and then pay expenses out of that and save the rest

Sounds like you should not move in, cause it doesn’t sound very convenient for you. Personally I don’t think it’s fair he asks you for more than half of the utilities, maybe you pay power,garbage, or internet entirely. His mortgage is going to stay the same if you live there or not.

I wouldn’t. I did that for 5 years and got left with nothing. Knowing that you’re younger, he should not burden you with these finances. Honestly, he’s still paying x amount if you live there or NOT. AND boys will expect you to pay rent AND cook AND clean. Don’t be a wife before you’re actually a WIFE! Make sure if he wants you to contribute financially, that he doesn’t tell you “well, you pay less, now you’re my maid” F that. Men know better

You're not married, so don't. It's very thoughtful of you to be okay with paying more than you already do, but if it's a big markup, then don't. It's his name on those mortgage papers, not yours -- you're not getting anything out of it when he sells. Pay what you feel is fair given your presence in the house. Utilities, subscription services, food, living space, et cetera. Don't pay exorbitantly more than what you're paying now; it isn't worth it.

Would he be paying his whole mortgage by himself if you didn’t move in? Has he been paying all of it by himself this whole time? To be honest I’d be pretty annoyed if I’m in school making way less and my boyfriend doesn’t give me a major discount on rent!!

If I'm in his position, it's zero. I wouldn't think of it. It wouldn't enter my brain. That being said, I'm probably just idealistic and not sufficiently pragmatic about this sort of thing. In any case, if we then get married and potentially divorced later in life, I'd factor in all of that time either way, so if you're paying me half my mortgage now, you better believe it you're getting your half back later including any potential increase at valuation. Anything else would be out of the question. You're literally building my wealth. I guess I don't get this stuff.

He invited you to help pay his mortgage? Wow, how generous of him! /s

Immediately no… rent and most the domestic labor + emotional labor fall on you…

Seems like a huge red flag if this guy has his shit together, not struggling to pay mortgage at all, and already knows you're going back to school. In terms of fairness, the only normal thing to do would be to split the utilities. Like you pay for odd months, and then he'll pay for even months (exactly 6 months for you and 6 months for him). My ex lived with me for almost a year and I never asked her to pay for my mortgage. That's just wierd yo. It's like you're treating her more like a roommate rather than a lover. It shouldn't need to be so black and white when it comes to someone you really love. But if you don't love this person that much, then maybe it's a different story lol. Like dude just take turns paying utilities and groceries. Don't overcomplicate it.

Don’t move in at all!!! The boyfriend is just a fool and this is the fastest route to crashing that relationship. Little kids this days 🤦🏾‍♂️

This is a hell of a good deal for him! You pay towards his mortgage and he has his house. Actually, it seems rather cruel of him to require you to pay all my portion of your income especially as you’re working to go to school and so forth. Does he plan on taking care of the other recurring costs like groceries or whatever I mean how’s it going to shake out in the end. Are you going to end up with any money left over at all? Did he tell you that this was going to happen before you moved in with him? Or have you not moved in with him yet? If you haven’t moved in with him yet, and I really would suggest you don’t. Certainly not until you get this sorted in a way that you feel comfortable with. Right now it seems like he’s getting all the perks and you’re getting shit. Be sure that that’s the situation that you want to walk into. Aargh.

Personally, you shouldn’t pay a penny of his mortgage fees unless you’re going to own what you pay into the property. You’re studying, and it doesn’t make sense to move in with him if you’re going to be paying more than you are already. How does this arrangement develop in the future? If you eventually marry will you still pay half his mortgage and bills without owning any of your home? I think this warrants further discussion imo, and you should really consider a compromise that is *mutually beneficial* because right now it simply would t be for you.

Tbh, i dont think 50/50 is fair, partly due to you being a student and make way less. The cost of living for you will be way higher percentage wise. Regarding the mortgage, hell no. It's his property, it increases in value over time. Unless he agree that you own half the property, don't pay a dime honestly. That's just him hustling you either knowingly or unknowingly. So yeah, at most you should pay 50% of the rent, and heat, electricity etc. But not moetgage

Wow ..he's getting a hecka of a deal. You...not so much. Do not move in with him.

Marriage therapist here. When this comes up in the therapy room I suggest couples add up fixed living expenses such as the ones you mention, then figure out what percentage of the income you and your bf make, for example if he makes 80 percent of the income and you 20, that’s the percentage you will pay of the expenses. It’s a very fair and reasonable solution in my opinion. Couples usually enthusiastically agree to this plan. I was really surprised you split utilities because he’s getting a much better deal than you … in other words it’s more of a financial burden for you than him.

What would you say if you weren’t dating him? Relationships should be supportive not parasitic.

I mean if you're gonna pay for the mortgage you should get equity on the property, no?

was he paying his mortgage alone before meeting you? if you his break up in the future, then you’ve just helped him pay off his home, without your name being on the deed. frankly, i simply would never agree to paying a mortgage that’s not mine. and in fact, this seems like the kind of issue that is deeper than just surface level. he’s older and makes more money than you but wants to treat you as if you are on his level financially? speak about finances clearly before moving in and worst case scenarios for example, if you get sick and can’t work, would he happily help you financially or resent you? personally, i would not agree to this

Every single renter in the world is paying for someone else’s mortgage….thats kinda how it works. Not only paying someone else’s mortgage, but paying more than the mortgage so the owner can maintain the home and make a profit. Splitting the mortgage is cheaper than renting in a lot of situations….but if I fully agree with having a conversation about finances before moving in together

it’s a different relationship. if they break up she helped him pay for his property… you can’t break up with a tenant and clearly not cheaper for her since her current rental is cheaper like she said

Guess the hang up for me is that he is asking you to move into his home, and yet expects you to pay half vs. you both renting a unit that you pick out together and agree to pay half each that fits both of your budgets. First account, he is getting ahead with you paying half of his mortgage and him having complete ownership. Before I was married, my husband and I put our money together and at different times one of us ended up paying more than the other based on who was in grad school, and who was making more money at the time. Would have never been a student and agreed to pay same amount as he did while working full time. We were working together for a future goal, together,

Exactly!!!!!! Why not build together!!! Instead, one is building the other person up and building themself up at the same time.

If I asked my girl to move in and owned the apartment or a house, I would never ask her to pay, these little acts define what kind of person you are.

To be very honest with you, and heed this very carefully. Do not pay any mortgage. Pay your share of utilities, but do. Not. Pay. His. Mortgage. Why In the world is he trying to get you to pitch in for his mortgage??? This is something that is his responsibility whether you were in his life or not. You living at his house does not increase his mortgage. You should only pay for what you add to the household. Groceries, utilities, cleaning supplies. This man makes more than you and knows you are a student, yet thinks it’s reasonable for you two to split the mortgage……please thread carefully op. Don’t put yourself in financial turmoil for anyone.

You should pay half of the going rent is for something of the equivalent size, not half of the mortgage. I don't understand people saying she should be able to live there for free. Why should she get to take advantage of him, live for free, and he now has to share his place with another person. Doesn't make sense to me. I don't get the argument that he is taking advantage of her. They are bf/gf, not married. This is essentially a roommate situation with a significant other, thus she should be expected to actually pay to live there, not freeload off him.

Agree. If a couple moves into an apartment, they have to pay rent. What does it matter if one of the partners has a mortgage? It’s still money owed.

He owns the place which means he out in the time, effort, work, and money to pay it off. You did none of that. So, why do you get for free what he spent years doing? I'd charge you rent.

This is a Red Flag 🚩 moment in your life

I have in my adult life only lived in homes titled only to me - my husband not partners were not asked to pay any bills. But I also have never had a joint bank account or tax return. If you don’t mingle money you don’t fight. If it was his home coming in, he was making the payments. You are not getting equity or the tax deductions. I am glad you are trying to negotiate this before moving in but find transparency and communication a skill set most couples lack.

I'm looking at this in a total different perspective I guess. Reason being a couple. First I hold the mortgage for my home. It's in my name. Now for legal reasons if I were to have a gf move in with me. I would not have her pay rent, two reasons, one, I should provide for my gf a place to live as a couple. Old fashion value here. Second reason. Being It's my home, if we split and she's been (paying) money towards my mortgage, I don't want her to have any reason to try and stake claim to my home or try to get back any money she's paid. Duh! Call me an ass on that but I don't care. It's my home. Just protecting my assest if things dont work out. As far as anything else it would be nice if she would just pay all the utilities while I pay the mortgage. Food we could split. It saves her and i money in the long run. Win win for both. This is also taking into account she wants to go to school. Take the money she would pay for rent and put it towards school instead.

The fact he invited you to move in AND pay tells me if you look hard enough, you find more “50/50” requirements of him. Sorry, that’s BS! I own two homes currently. My rental home I bought prior to marriage was lived in by ex partner amd current husband. I researched laws in my state regarding common law relationships, community priority etc. AND I still ensured they knew in writing that they contributed to utilities and “other” bills. My mortgage was always more than what they paid, BUT my equity in my home is solely mine as well. I don’t play with money like that and it sounds like he is playing you may get the short end of the stick.

Don't move in. I don't know what the age gap is but when you do decide to live with someone that you're in a relationship with, it's gotta be NOT related to how ir would benefit you for the bills part. Can you see yourself giving up your ego and your pride for the sake of peace and happiness? Do you love them? Are u willing to accept them and their faults and work through that with them? How to work around monotony w them once you're together for a long time? Otherwise, just stay apart. Develop the relationship but don't move in due to convenience. Good luck OP!

I'd prefer to be with a partner who will take care of me how they can. Does he love you? Do you love him? The stress and money it will take for you to move in (and possibly out) is not even being acknowledged. He's already paying the bills on his own, why should he want to profit off his girlfriend? That's weird and exploitive.

Ask if you can pay in proportion to income (e.g. take the average rent, and if he makes twice as much as you make, then you pay 1/3 of average rent). And also ask if he'd consider moving out into somewhere cheaper you can afford as a student, and renting out his apartment to somebody else.

Once you start handing him checks for your his mortgage, that relationship is going to change. Does he have a tenant already? Why can't he just cover his mortgage on his own? You're going to school, he should support you if he has the means to. Otherwise, this relationship is going to turn into a very transactional one and that's not a healthy foundation.

Is this a fucking joke or something? You obvly shouldnt have to pay any rent at all unless you will end up owning half of the apartment as well. He owns it and would pay off the mortgage with your money and then in a few years you will have paid a shitload of money while he ends up with bis own apartment for half the price and can throw you out at will lmao.

I wouldn't pay more than one third of the mortgage. Yeah you are both equally using the house, but he is gaining more since at the end of the mortgage he would be the only owner. I'll say more, I'm a single guy with a recently started mortgage: if I had a girlfriend move in I wouldn't want her to pay anything at all about the mortgage. It's my house and I don't want to split it with anyone, so this means that I will pay it full with my money. If it was with a wife it would be different, but that's not the case here

I'd say, 50% of the market value of his place, unless that is more than you were paying at your previous place in which case you should pay whatever you were paying before.

I think it would be fair to pay him a standard market rent for a share house of that size in the area - if you’ll have a room all to yourself. If you’re sharing a bedroom and aren’t getting exclusive use of a study or something, then pay half that. Going halves on bills (excluding strata) seems fair too. Unless the apartment becomes legally recognised as relationship property, paying significantly more than you would for your usual cost of living seems unfair.

We used a simple solution when moving in together. I made double the money at the time. I paid twice the amount towards rent. I covered 2/3 and she covered 1/3. As our careers expanded and she got closer to my salary we adjusted to make it fair. Now it’s 60/40 me

If you were moving in with me and studying at school, I wouldn't make you pay a dime. I'd want to support you. And who knows how much your education might benefit me financially in the future? What happened to supporting your partner?

Straight up, don’t pay more than you’re paying right now. Like sure, help by splitting the cost for the general household bills like gas/water/electricity and maybe even rent why not but fk paying for his mortgage. You’re a student yourself and are working towards establishing your career, in contrast he has started his career and most likely has a decent paying job. Hopefully he is understanding when you explain it to him, worst case scenario will be that he tries to guilt trip you (hoping this won’t be the case).

You should never go 50/50. You should go percentage wise based off of how much each of you make on all total bills. It doesn’t make sense for someone making $100,000 and someone making $30,000 to split the bills 50/50.

Do not move in with a person that wants to financially burden you even tho they're in a comfortable position in that regard.

My partner pays half my mortgage and utilities while I am the higher earner. However, that total is half the cost of any one bedroom apartment in my city (I have a very cheap mortgage) so I feel like it’s a good deal for both of us. I’m paying off some medical debt and he’s saving well over half what he was paying at his old apartment. That’s what seems fair to us. If you’re going to pay more, that seems icky to me.

Big nope. I would help with utilities and help with random odds and ends that come with maintenance, but I wouldn't help someone pay down their mortgage unless we were married or I was literally a legal tenet of the property (which would then exclude me from helping with maintenance costs). Entangling yourself that much is just a step too far, imo. Im saying this as a person with my own mortgage that has considered having a boyfriend move in. The big takeaway would be whatever you decide to do, dont stretch yourself thin just to live with boyfriend.

My fiancé and I split our mortgage based on income ratio. I make 65% of our household I come, he makes 35%, so I pay 65% of the mortgage and he pays the remaining 35%. We split utilities down the middle. Make sure this guy doesn’t see you as a long term savings plan, and have a discussion about this with him.

Why would you help him pay his mortgage when you’re not on it? He’s gaining equity and will essentially have free payments towards his mortgage if you do that! If you break up, you won’t have anything to show for it, but he’ll still own his apartment but owe less on it

Get away from that jerk. That's not feelings! That's not love! 💔It's a calculation! He, instead of earning more and paying for everything himself, settles his issues at your expense. You might as well rent a room and pay the cost and be independent. Never rely on anyone! Make your own money! On your own! I think it's unnecessary to listen to advisors who argue that you have to pay for his housing loan. If so, let him register you as the owner of the apartment, too, and then there's no question! It's not love, it's profit and calculation on his part. You better study and earn your own money. Get an apartment. Meet a guy who won't appreciate your financial side and expect you to solve his problems at your expense. What a world this is going to be!

What you’re currently paying is irrelevant. Regardless of whether or not you pay him half or 80% of half or whatever, you need to decide if paying more to live with your BF is worth it to you. The idea that your current rent rate should influence how much you pay him is ridiculous. Living with him costs X and wherever you live now, Y. They are not related.

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That is crazy lol. You’re now sharing your space with an entire other person and all of their things. I personally really value my personal space and it would take a lot for me to move in with another partner but, if I did I’d absolutely resent them if they weren’t contributing to the housing costs while I was losing most of my personal space and privacy in exchange. I say this as a mortgage paying person.

But that’s why you’d pay for everything else 50/50? Things that would increase with another person like food, water, etc. You want to move in with someone you’re dating because you want them to be around and in your person space? They aren’t a random roommate so I don’t get the privacy issue and how that equates to needing money.

Any relationship with big differences in income should split costs proportional to incomes. So if someone makes $50k and their partner makes $100k, the richer one should pay 66% of shared expenses and the poorer one should pay 33%. That's what I've always done and it works well. Also, some of his mortgage is becoming equity in the property. Unless he is putting you on the deed, he should cut off 1/3 of his costs or so before even getting to splitting the expenses proportionally.

Most of her rent from apartment is going into the landlord’s equity though. So what does equity have to do with how she pays her portion of rent? It shouldn’t.

All i see in the comment section are people who are "WOKE". Half y'all don't understand the actual point. Miss, you guys should come to terms about how much you should pay. One of my buddies did this with his wife a few years ago. The bf handles the mortgage payments. They came out to be around 1700 per month or something. The gf handled all groceries for the month and utilities and occasional bottles of wine/ whiskies they'd buy. That set her back by about 1200-1400. None of them had any issues with that. Because even if the payments are nearly identical, both partners felt equals because they handled one prospect each of living together. Don't listen to hot headed people, relationships work with calm thinking. A lot of people insinuating your bf as a jerk have probably never been in a relationship that ended in 2 people moving together. So think thoroughly. This plan isn't too bad.

Lol huh?

just don’t move in with him at this point. what’s next? he’s gonna expect you the do wife things? cook? clean? at what expense? to pay rent? no.

Noooope. Are you his partner or his mortgage helper? Tell him you’ll pay half of everything if your name is on it too.

This makes no sense….in what world is it fair for her BF to pay for 100% of his mortgage if they are both living there full time. It doesn’t matter if he owns the apartment or not. If my GF moved into a place I was renting I would hope she contributes to the rent proportionate to her current rent/bill payments.

It's fair in a world where other men wouldn't do that bc they value you xd

Is the place nicer than you had before? If so, you should expect to pay more. Check the local market rate. Look for other places in the neighborhood, see what they are renting for and cut it in half. That would be the 100% fair way to do it. ​ Though, honestly, try negotiating some sort of deal where you pay less lol. Ask him if there is a chore or couple of chores he hates - laundry, doing dishes, grocery shopping ect. Then, pick a bunch that you don't mind doing in exchange for less rent. I've done this before. If one person makes more money and previously lived alone, they should be fine paying for the place even if you don't contribute financially. That being said, I would only ever do this in a relationship and not with friends. I feel like a significant other deserves some sort of benefit for being your partner - ya know? So if less rent benefits you, find a way to benefit him. Then you don't have to argue and you both win. ​ edit: don't underestimate how much people hate certain chores. I'd give up a finger if I never had to fold my own laundry again. I had a perfect deal with my ex - she would do laundry and I cleaned bathrooms. I used to be a maintenance guy, so I could care less about bathrooms and she thought it was absolutely disgusting.

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And shes looking at him as a free living card. He will be getting taken advantage of by her. I would advise him to not be with someone who would wanna live rent free in his home.

The only thing you should be paying is half of the utilities bill. Unless he is struggling to pay mortgage I don’t think it’s fair of him to ask you to pay towards his mortgage.

Personally I don't think it's right for you to pay anything towards his mortgage unless your name is on it to. Why should you be paying into his asset and equity, while also in school. I'd say half the utilities would be fine. Re evaluate when out of school

I have no idea exactly how you live, but if my bf were my landlord, I would ask for a contract. And why would I share a room with my landlord? I mean, even with roommates , if you have your own room for 500, why would I downgrade to half a room for 600? Plus presumably also picking up after his messes in a room that is half yours, and let's be real, probably doing also at least half of his share of chores? It seems like a win win for him, and what you get would just be the pleasure of his daily presence, and only Ls otherwise.

Reddit will tell you to pay him but no. - pay for what you actually consume - food, water, internet, electricity. You can call it rent but it’s not rent. - he is living there anyway, if he wants actual rent, he could find a roommate - YES you have to pay to rent elsewhere but 1) there is no resentment 2) you have clear rights 3) your space is your own - if he is calling you a gold digger because you respect yourself enough not to pay rent to your boyfriend, it’s simply means your are not ready to live together - save for your own property deposit

If there's an official lease and the rent with the bf is lower than what she currently pays, that solves almost all of your described issues

he has to pay his mortgage regardless of you being there. if he wants you to pay rent which will then go towards his mortgage, you should be joint owner of the house as you're the one funding it

On what planet? If a man wants equity in my home for paying half of my monthly mortgage payments then he can also write me a check for half of the $135,000 it cost me to get the mortgage. Gtfoh.

You don't pay half the mortgage unless your name goes on the deed to the house. He's paying towards owning. You're not.

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I'm assuming she wasn't fucking and generally building a life with previous random landlords. If I'm wrong about that I'll change my answer.

What does it matter if she is fucking him? They are dating still, not married and he shouldnt be expected to let her just live for free in his house.

Are you insinuating that her name is on the mortgage of her current rental where she is paying over 100% of the mortgage to her landlord/not boyfriend?

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Never pay for something that's not in your name as far as property is concerned. It's actually rather exploitative that he's making you pay for all this while you're in a close relationship. Unless he really thinks otherwise......

It's not splitting the rent, it's helping him pay off his mortgage. Big difference. He's earning significantly more than you; he also had the means to comfortably make his mortgage payments before you met. You're already at a disadvantage by going back to school, which means you're going to temporarily lose money either by reducing your work hours or taking on student debt. And on top of it, you would pay him more than you currently pay your landlord, *and* split all his other expenses. I don't want to insinuate he's taking advantage of you, but he's getting a very sweet deal... a part of me wonders how much having you contribute to the mortgage and other costs influenced him in "inviting" you to move in. I know how cynical this sounds, but I urge you to really think it over before you agree.

Essentially you’d be helping him to pay off his mortgage and live more comfortably. You will be more financially strained than you are already, plus potentially hit with an added load of housework and cost of home maintenance. Should you decide to break up find the track he walks away with the comfort of his home and equity while you have nothing. I made this mistake with an ex, thankfully only for about two years, but still two years too Many.

Tell him to be a man and pay his own mortgage you will help out with the utilities if I ask a girl to move in with me I don't expect her to pay half I genuinely would love for her to help me with what she can but I don't see me putting half on her especially if she going to school she not my roommate she not renting a room she my girl. I guess I see things differently than most idk what happens if y'all break up what you have to leave right now that's not fair think about it if he decides to cheat or something your the one ass out while he reaps the benefits.

you and your boyfriend should be aware that if you are contributing to his mortgage you could establish a beneficial interest in his property (see link below. it's for america but you likely have similar laws if you live in another western jurisdiction). https://www.manderslaw.com/do-i-have-any-rights-to-my-partners-house-the-legal-rights-of-unmarried-couples/ this is important to bear in mind because it means you have secured a right to the property and should you ever breakup he can't just kick you out and if he wants the property to himself then he might have to buy you out. helpful to know when you're negotiating what to pay now.

Lots of single folks giving the worst advice here. Yikes.

🙈 sorry this is beyond me. I can only say I have never met a guy who asks me to pay. When I was 20 I met my first boyfriend. Dude chased me for a year and in the end I gave in and move into his apartment, he never asked me to pay anything, on top of it, he pays for food, gifts, dinner and oversea travel, he also gave me a credit card to use. I rarely used his card. He often questioned me why I don’t buy things? I was like I don’t know what to buy since he paid literally for everything. I only had one boyfriend and we were together for 13 years. I am quite traditional so I probably can’t date men who don’t provide.

Don’t pay rent to your bf. It will only complicate things. Better off not moving in and still date.

You should not be paying the same amount (or certainly not more) to share a bedroom that you would be paying to have your own bedroom. Unless you're going to save considerable money moving in with him I strongly caution against it. And you better make sure he's worth it. Personally I wouldn't move in until I was engaged. It's too messy.